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Suicide of famous UFO researcher.

"Will to live" appears to be something slightly more complex for our species, perhaps being more of a transformation or confusion than a negation in the event of suicide and self-harming behaviors . I wish I could think of more to say on the matter, but I haven't come up with a more complete explanation of where our will to live comes from than the evolutionary inevitability that having life and seeking life are necessarily convergent principles.

Time to get some Red examples going up in here. Try to find some healthy ones too. Red is all too easy to demonize. List of Stage Red Values: Personal power, strength, might, brute force Displays of toughness Brazen courage, valor, heroism, daring Being the boss, being #1, winning at all costs Conquering one’s enemies, domination The thrill of conquest Warrior mentality, a glorious death, heroic deeds Competitive, crush your opponents Resolving disputes with ruthless force Winning, victory, conquest, triumph against odds Ambition, playing it big Revenge Respect Loyalty Decisiveness, assertiveness Passion, action Pragmatic, direct, no-nonsense Taking initiative & ownership, personal willpower Getting things done, just do it Unilateral control, executive power Glitz, ostentatious displays, grandiosity Wants to be bigger than life Status, recognition of prowess Machismo, pride, bragging Charisma, plain talk Intimidation, manipulation, exploitation Sexual conquest & exploitation Sex as power and vanity, sadistic sex Enjoying life to the fullest Adventure, thrill-seeking, living boldly Power contests, like slapping/arm-wrestling Breaking rules, finding loop holes Breaking with the pack & pushing the envelope Stage Red Examples: Trump, Saddam Hussein, Iraq, Syria, Hitler, Stalin, Liberia, Somalia, North Korea, Myanmar, Turkmenistan, Haiti, Africa, Middle East, Palestine, warlords, mafia, Tony Soprano, Al Capone, pirates, marauders, gangs, Yakuza, violent prisoners, prison culture, freedom fighters, revolutionaries, criminals, rapists, con artists, thieves, terrorists, juvenile delinquents, ancient Rome, gladiator combat, Caligula, Nero, Roman emperors, spartan, Chinese emperors, Japanese emperors, Alexander the Great, Achilies, Klingons, hackers, toxic narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, lone shooters, Conan the Barbarians, Joe Pesci from Casino, Russian mob, toxic masculinity / Red Pill, vikings, Genghis Khan, Mongol hordes, drug addicts, gamblers, criminal underground, war criminals, massacres, torture, rape gangs, wild rock stars, Jules from Pulp Fiction, Joffery from GoT, Ramsey from GoT, Cersie from GoT, Dothraki from GoT, the Joker, cult leaders like Jim Jones & Charles Manson, David Koresh, Aztec human sacrifice, pimps, hustlers, prostitutes, sex trafficking, brothels, strippers, porn stars, violent porn, snuff films, king’s harems, absolute monarchs, feudalism, heads on pikes, Vlad the Impaler, crucifixion, cutting off body parts, cruel & unusual punishment, villains in movies, bullies, colonial exploitation, sweat shops, slavery, wild west, Terminator, Rambo, throwing objects when angry, cocaine, heroine, crack, meth users, suicide bombers, lesser Jihad, ISIS, domestic violence, MMA / UFC, boxing, Mike Tyson, Don King, Connor McGregor, bank robbers, the tyrannical boss, bribery, bling, gold teeth & chains, the hood, drive-by shootings, bloodsport, cock fighting, dog fighting, animal cruelty, sports fights, pro wrestling, movie Lord of War, Alex Jones, L Ron Hubbard, David Miscavige, 9/11, Oklahoma City bombing, some incels, some pickup, Jeffy rape van, Kanye dragon energy, rap music, heavy metal music, punk music, Mexican drug cartels, El Chapo, Grand Theft Auto game, graffiti, No Country For Old Men, Old Testament, Sith from Star Wars, Fight Club, A Clockwork Orange, Dan Pena, hunting homeless people for sport, Black Panthers, KKK, Machiavelli, women as property

Heaven's Gate: The Cult of Cults Overview: An examination of the UFO cult through the eyes of its former members and their loved ones; what starts with the disappearance of 20 people from an Oregon town, ends with the largest suicide on U.S. soil.

Woman arrested for masturbating on the beach. Commits suicide afterwards.

Women and kids lives are EXTREMELY important. And if you watch a movie you might get the impression that they are even MORE important going by the number of people killed. In real life too way more men get killed from: violence, homicide, war - not to mention suicide, dangerous workplaces, homeless, and drugs. By statistics alone the average man has more to fear than the average women. This is regardless of who the victimizers are.

When comparing humans to animals, I believe the way human institutions are structured likely contributes to maladaptive behavior on individual levels due to the belief that these structures are necessary for the collective good. For example, cases of animals sexually abusing juveniles of their kind is significantly less common in the wild compared to when animals are institutionalized. Putting animals in captivity tends to disrupt their natural attachments, contributing to various maladaptive behaviors. Likewise, human structures are likely unhealthy for individual humans in a variety of ways that might lead to maladaptive behaviors including suicide. The starkest example would be something like a death camp. While in a death camp, the survivors often held onto their bonds with loved ones as a form of meaning, knowing they would not face the darkness alone. I haven't read much about suicidal behaviors in animals, but I believe it is significantly less common compared to humans. Humans seem to have a cognitive layer which makes them more likely to lose the will to live compared to animals, including ideologies that glorify things like suicide bombings as a political tool. In such situations "survival" has changed from protecting the body to living on in the memory of others through infamy. The human self seems to take on many different identities compared to animals, therefore in some contexts depending on how the self is defined, suicide might be seen as acceptable from that point of view.

This is merely a possibility, but it could be that the will to live is simply a mechanical, evolutionary phenomenon. We are each of us the result of a multi-billion year chain of organisms which, without exception, lived to reproduce. No exceptions for billions of years. That's plenty of time to weed out the organisms that fail to experience some minimum level of joy in living, at least among the organisms that can be said to have experiences. The fringe case of human suicide could be mentioned, but suicide on humanity's level should be a relatively new phenomenon, evolutionarily speaking. It may just not have been accounted for by selective pressures yet. Though, at the rate we humans are modifying our environment, evolution may not get that chance. In any case, perhaps the will to live resulted from nothing more than the fact that evolution fundamentally selects for life. I'm not prepared to argue this in court, but I think it's worth pondering.

Maybe the question I need to ask is the following. If someone has lost the will to live or is consumed by meaningless suffering which offers no hope of a better future, then what exactly is needed to re-establish a will to live? What exactly was lost that led to a person losing this will to live, and how can it be countered? The fear of death doesn't seem to be universal as some come to welcome death given specific grievances. This can lead to suicide. What exactly was taken away such that the will to live is now gone and what is needed to restore it? This applies also to situations where the person is alone with nobody to help them as well.

We have a tendency to measure our progress related to what we do, how productive we are, habits, practices, books. Do you see? We have an approach to focus on WHAT WE DO. I want you to focus on WHAT YOU DON'T DO but it is beneficial to your life. Make a list of things you don't do daily that increase your quality of life. I don't drink alcohol. I don't smoke crack. I don't kill people. I don't watch TV. I don't think about suicide. There are so many EMPOWERING things YOU DON'T DO because of your Level of Consciousness & Cognitive Development.

By the map, it looks like family, sunlight and lower rates of alcohol use (or drunkenness) could be it. Middle East and Indonesia and North Africa are largely muslim, South America is largely Christian (low atheism rates). Muslim and Christian means more family and less or no alcohol (definitely less drunkenness). Alcohol is not just a comorbidity with depression but also a mediator for suicide.

How come they have such high suicide and especially depression rates? I never understood that I remember a friend from Iran who went to study in Western Europe told me "Even though we have 10000x more problems in Iran than Western Europe, people in Iran seem happier"

If you look at people killed - in war, work, murder, violence, health problems, drugs, homeless, suicide, life expectancy - then men actually suffer more than women in this "patriarchal" system. And it doesn't matter who the victimizers are since we admit that black on black violence is caused by surpression so why not male on male violence? Men make slightly more money but women have greater spending power and spend more money on average especially in a household. PS I'm a feminist, I support feminism, I think they add lots of value. Also third world countries are different. There perhaps women need more help.

A good read about when incel and red pill content is covertly promoted by influencers who appear to be "conscious", "balanced" and “objective": https://substack.com/inbox/post/186623062 The Diary Of A(n Undercover Incel) CEO You know how we’re always wary of those podcasts or speakers that are unambiguously misogynistic? Like A**rew T*te, the guys on Whatever Podcast, Fresh and Fit. The ones that are blatantly, loudly and proudly hateful. I don’t know about you but I would NEVER have a friendship or even an acquaintanceship if I can help it with anyone who listens to and follows those guys. They’re violently disrespectful and they don’t hide their disdain for women’s autonomy and ways of thinking. I wouldn’t even deign to pay attention to someone who says ‘but they make great points sometimes.’ What great points? Please run away from them. But what happens when there’s one that is hiding in plain sight? Enter Diary of A CEO, hosted by Steven Bartlett. It launched in 2017 and on paper, the podcast looks harmless. It features conversations with “successful people” about hardship, growth and resilience. Sounds reasonable, and the type of thing a TikTok page called Goated Quotes would post multiple clips of (I kid you not there is a page named exactly that and they post clips of the podcast constantly). But underneath the motivational and seemingly profound front is a recurring logic pattern that isn’t just about self-improvement. It subtly reflects ideas about gender, purpose and societal structures that align with right-wing, reactionary and red-pill narratives, packaged as “brutal truths” for men. It’s also known for misinformation, especially on health. If you’d like to know more you can read here, but my main focus is on why it’s been called a ‘Trojan Horse for the manosphere’ and why that description is terrifyingly accurate. What makes Diary of a CEO dangerous isn’t that it’s openly hateful. It’s that it isn’t. The men who listen to Andrew Tate know exactly what they’re signing up for. The misogyny is loud, aggressive and obvious. You can spot it from a mile away and decide, very quickly, that you want no parts. Not this guy. Steven Bartlett speaks softly and uses language and tone that sounds like self-reflection, vulnerability, growth. His guests talk about genuine self-improvement in a way that sounds profound or even compassionate. That’s exactly how it sneaks in incel and bioessentialist propaganda without you knowing. For example, the recurring fixation on “men’s loss of purpose” or the perceived “mating crisis.” I watched some podcast episodes so you don’t have to and I will never do it again but here’s the gist: Steven had Dr. Alok Kanojia, or Dr. K as he’s mostly known, on his show in July last year. In that episode, the conversation starts with statistics that sound neutral and alarming in equal measure: rising sexual inactivity among young men, men accounting for nearly 80% of suicides, increasing reports of hopelessness and lack of purpose. All of these are real, verifiable issues. That’s part of what makes what comes next so sinister. Dr. K frames the situation as something close to an evolutionary crisis. Young men, he suggests, are being left behind by modern dating dynamics, economic shifts and social changes. Women, he notes, no longer need men in the way they once did; they can earn their own money, choose not to marry and even have children without male partners. This, according to him, creates what he repeatedly describes as an “extinction event”: a cohort of men who will never find partners, never reproduce and effectively “die out” of the gene pool. He ends up floating the idea that society should intervene to make sure men can pass on their genes, as if sexual access is a public utility like water or electricity. And, get this, he compares a man’s inability to find a partner to cancer, a deadly virus and genocide. I know damn well- Now, to his credit, Dr. K is careful to say that no one is entitled to sex, relationships, or reproduction. He acknowledges consent. He explicitly rejects coercion. But by casting male loneliness in evolutionary and biological terms like natural selection, genetic dead ends, extinction, it turns social alienation into destiny. He’s essentially suggesting that resentment and aggression towards women are not choices, but inevitable responses to being biologically sidelined. This mirrors almost exactly how incel and black-pill communities already talk about themselves, and the podcast instantly becomes a recruitment tool for the most radicalized corners of the incel movement. By suggesting that society has a responsibility to “course-correct” the fact that some men aren’t chosen as partners, Dr. K validates the dangerous idea that men are biologically owed the bodies of women. The same logic appears in Steven’s conversation with clinical social worker Erica Komisar. When asked about the “plight of young men” and rising suicide rates among them, Komisar argues that men have lost their purpose because society has dismantled their traditional roles as providers and protectors. Yes, she actually said that. I was baffled too. According to her, while “raising women up” had positive outcomes, it also involved “denigrating men.” She goes further, describing modern feminism as having taken on something “vengeful,” no longer about balance but about diminishing men, pushing them out and taking over. What’s next is she points to the fact that women now make up over 60% of university students and graduate school attendees, and cites studies suggesting that men tend to marry across or down educationally, while women marry across or up. The conclusion of all she’s saying is that women’s educational and professional advancement has effectively stripped men of their purpose, leaving them discouraged, diminished, and lost. What’s so funny here is not that she’s concerned for men, but the assumption beneath it: that men’s purpose is fundamentally external and relies on women’s dependence. When women no longer need men to survive economically or socially, men are said to lose meaning. That is not a feminist argument, it is a deeply patriarchal one that has been quietly repackaged as sympathy for men. Instead of encouraging men to find new, more empathetic ways of being, the podcast encourages them to look back at a patriarchal past with a sense of stolen entitlement. This pattern becomes even clearer in Steven’s interviews with former Love Islander Chris Williamson, and the language moves from therapy speak to market logic. Dating here is called a “mating market” so now, we’re talking about relationships in a transactional manner. Sounds awfully familiar… Chris describes women as hypergamous, inclined to date “up” in education, income and status. According to him, as women achieve parity or outpace men in education and early-career earnings, the pool of “eligible” men shrinks. The result is a large group of men rendered invisible, while a small group of “high-value” men accumulate options and avoid commitment. He called this the “tall girl problem.” Hmm. You mean the tall poppy syndrome? Here again, women’s independence is treated as the destabilising variable. By focusing on reliable contraception and socioeconomic autonomy as the “disruptors” of dating, he is essentially saying that women were easier to deal with when they had fewer choices. Structural issues like economic instability, job insecurity, housing crises, the collapse of community spaces suddenly fade into the background. The problem becomes women’s standards, women’s choices and women’s fear. Over and over again. Even MeToo is folded into this logic (of course it is). Chris acknowledged it as necessary to hold powerful men accountable for their crimes and misconduct against women, then he makes a hard right and describes it as having gone “too far,” leaving men afraid to approach women and women afraid of men, which therefore produces an epidemic of loneliness and sexlessness. He flattens fear of violence and fear of being accused into moral equivalents, so the asymmetry of power disappears. What’s left is the suggestion that women’s safety and boundaries have produced unintended “externalities” for men. Taken individually, any one of these conversations might sound like a clumsy but well-meaning attempt to understand modern relationships. Taken together, they form a consistent worldview: men are suffering because women have too much autonomy; equality has created imbalance; and social progress has left a generation of men behind. The problem is not that Diary Of A CEO talks about men’s pain. Ultimately, it functions as a bridge. It meets young men where they are; looking for health tips, business advice, or a sense of direction, and then slowly leads them toward a worldview where women’s autonomy is the root of their misery. Over and over again, the podcast returns to the same conclusions: men are purposeless because women no longer need them; men are invisible because women “date up”; men are angry because feminism went too far; men are lonely because women are afraid; men are being selected out of the gene pool because society has changed too fast. The villain is never collapsing social infrastructure, or the monetisation of dating, or the hollowing out of community, or an economic system that strips people of dignity and stability. It is, consistently, women’s autonomy. That is red-pill rhetoric. What’s missing from these conversations is the reality of femicide. The fact that men’s feelings of entitlement to access do not exist in a vacuum is rarely ever discussed. Women exist in a world where we are killed, stalked, assaulted and harassed by men who believe they have been wronged. What makes this especially dangerous is the tone. Steven Bartlett is not shouting or calling anyone a h*e or B-word. He is nodding and empathising. He is letting his guests spin narratives about extinction events, hypergamy and vengeful feminism with minimal pushback. While he has released a statement saying he doesn’t necessarily hold the same views as his guests, I call bullshit. He platforms these people, give hums of approval when they speak and eggs them on. He only released said statement because it was becoming obvious what was happening. So no, Diary of a CEO is not harmless self-help. It is not neutral, and it is certainly not just “motivational content.” It’s time we stop treating Steven Bartlett as a harmless motivational figure and start seeing him for what he is: the manosphere’s most effective public relations officer. That podcast is a pipeline that feeds young men a story where the social progress of women is the reason for their pain.

You know chronic fatigue syndrome causes me to lay in bed for 70% of the day. Sometimes I'm too fatigued to keep my eyes open. We are not talking about just brain fog here. And many have it way worse than me. Suicide rates are very high in patients. Some suffer for decades till they give up. And you are so sure about "its just poor air"?

Men don’t understand that feminists are not fighting against men. They are fighting for your soul, because society is trying to break it. Men are not inherently aggressive. This is a myth. Research shows that infant boys are often more emotionally reactive and sensitive than girls. Patriarchy works very hard to “harden” men. (Book recommendation: Why Patriarchy Persists by Naomi Snyder which explores how boys and girls are socialized under patriarchy and how those forces shape relationships, behavior, and identity). Patriarchy promised men a throne and told them that being a man means dominating, possessing, and being “alpha.” But at what cost? Isolation, higher suicide rates, and detachment from the soul and the community. Men feel unloved because the system wants their labor, while the community once wanted their soul. Only within a community are men valued for who they are. For most of human history, men were not lone wolves but deeply integrated into their communities. They were protectors of the tribe, not submissive soldiers of hierarchy. The patriarchal and capitalistic system stole their village and gave them a mortgage. This is not their fault, but it is their problem. Patriarchy and capitalism benefit when men are lonely and starving for power. Lonelier men are easier to control and easier to send to war. The lone wolf idea is a capitalist fantasy. In nature, a lone wolf is often a wolf that is close to death. Real wolves, like real humans, thrive in packs. Alone, you are easier to break. When communities were destroyed, boys lost their mentors. They were left in a system that values only what they can produce, not who they are. This is why so many men feel empty and unloved inside. When feminists and women speak about feminism in a passionate, even provocative way, it is meant to shake men awake, so they can see that what patriarchy presents as their “best interests” are actually the worst interests for their hearts and souls. When feminists speak about matriarchy, they do not mean a reverse patriarchy. They mean bringing men back into the fold. A circle where you do not have to be “alpha” in order to feel safe. You have a pack that has your back. I don’t want young boys to grow up and inherit a world in which they must “conquer” in order to be seen, or be “alpha” in order to be treated as human. I want them to inherit a village, a community where their sensitivity is their greatest strength. Sensitivity is human. Being able to read the room, feel empathy, be intuitive, and connect with other human beings is what fulfilled men before patriarchy took over. We are taught that testosterone is the “aggression hormone” that makes men naturally want to fight and dominate. But this is an oversimplified and patriarchal version of science, often used to justify oppression. In communal societies, testosterone functions differently. It is not only for fighting, but for seeking status through contribution. In a healthy group, a man gains status by being helpful, generous, and a good protector. When a man becomes a father and is deeply involved in childcare, his testosterone may actually decrease to make room for oxytocin the “bonding hormone.” His biology can shift to prioritize nurturing over competing. Patriarchy takes that protective energy and distorts it. It tells men that the only way to protect is to own and control. It turns men’s biological strength into a weapon. Before the Industrial Revolution, men worked in guilds, tribes, and communal groups. They had deep emotional bonds with other men. They were not lonely, they had a village of brothers and sisters. Capitalism needed men to be efficient units. It broke those communal bonds and turned men into competitors for a paycheck. It forces men into a lonely, nonstop grind where rest feels like weakness. Are you exhausted? Of course you are exhausted. There is also the patriarchal nuclear family trap, which can become a pressure cooker for men. They were told they must be the sole providers, which is an impossible and unnatural burden to carry alone. The nonstop pace of modern life governed by the solar rhythm of 24/7 ignores the human need for cycles of rest (wintering) and renewal. This constant “on” state leads to high cortisol and chronic stress (and more aggression as a result). Men’s bodies long for rhythms of rest and restoration (moon rhythm) just as much as women’s bodies do.

I’ve noticed that a lot of religions seem to say that if someone dies by suicide something worse happens than if they just die normally. Like in Christianity people talk about going to hell, in Buddhism some people say it can lead to a worse rebirth, etc. or just rebirth Do you think there’s actually some truth behind that? Or do you think religions mainly added those ideas to scare people away from doing it? @Leo Gura just curious about what you and everyone here think about that

I have been doing some research on different psychological profiles of criminal offenders, particularly violent offenders. I found some information that challenged the monster narrative and created what some call "moral vertigo" when one can deeply empathize with a perpetrator and see their humanity while simultaneously recognizing the severe harm they cause. I could see the similarities in myself and many of these perpetrators as well as the human vulnerabilities that principate extreme acts. This included sex offenders of various profiles with the most challenging one perhaps being incest cases. In most cases when a parent sexually abuses a child, it is not out of sadism, but out of extreme brokenness and cognitive distortion leading to a twisted sense of harmless love. I found this helpful to me in a way because if such people are not monsters, then I am not a monster either. I also found the psychological mechanism by which institutional sex scandals emerge which is likely important for prevention. Much of this research is restricted, and potentially over restricted due to the fear of this knowledge being used by dangerous offenders. However, some information that could be used to protect people include the knowledge of psychological vulnerabilities such as a lack of belonging, making a person more likely to be swayed by peer pressure as in the case of some opportunistic or situational offenders. The actions of such offenders are harmful and they must be stopped, but they are still not monsters. For the most part, perhaps in more that 90% of rape or homicide cases, I could clearly and empirically refute the monster narrative. There are however some extreme cases which seem to have formed the basis of the monster narrative to begin with. This would be profiles such as sadistic offenders or psychopathic serial killers and rapists. I'm almost done reading a book about psychopaths and I seem to be understanding the general patterns. Starting with sadistic offenders, they are rare but the most dangerous. These are the type who often show early signs of behavioral and developmental problems in childhood. They often start off by torturing animals while using masturbatory reinforcement for intricate sadistic rape fantasies. They are more likely to target random strangers and take sexual pleasure in terrorizing victims for extended periods of time. They often tie their victims up and collect trophies from this person while calibrating their terror to just the right amount to keep the victim from losing consciousness or dying of a heart attack. This profile often has multiple victims and likely contributes to many unsolved murders because most murders are committed by someone you know rather than a stranger, making it more difficult to solve. The sadistic offender is more likely to exhibit traits of psychopathy. As for my research on psychopaths, I have found some interesting thought patterns they exhibit. They seem to closely mirror my family that deeply traumatized me. For example, my father and his gang would pay money to have sex with children including me. My father exhibited early signs of psychopathy such as animal cruelty and later became a career criminal who would boast about his exploits including using death threats to coerce people for money. Meanwhile, my mother like my father would use love instrumentally while pitting me against the other parent. My mother would treat her suicide threat as a little tiff of no real significance while magnifying anything that could be framed as wrongdoing on my part. My mother may be more of a narcissist than a psychopath compared to my father who showed an absence of moral conscience and little care for his children despite what he would say on the surface. I wrote a document on circumstantial evidence to help law enforcement in cases like those of my father and his gang. I found that criminal gangs often operate on an inverse moral hierarchy. A person who feels like an outsider to society finds belonging with criminal organizations. From there, these people prove commitment to the gang by performing acts that are universally condemned including child sexual abuse. A father who trafficked his own child would be given strong reputational incentives within the gang by showing his level of commitment to the point that he is not even loyal to his own child. The rape of child is more so about symbolically undermining the society that they hate than it is about the specific child. They take on universal condemnation while causing severe harm to society. This is especially prevalent in cases of school shootings in which the goal is to cause maximum harm to society by targeting its most vulnerable members in a place where they congregate. They pursue infamy by intentionally acting as evil as possible. I found it interesting that in psychopathy, this person usually attaches no emotional significance to different words or actions. This is what allows them to treat murder with the same degree of significance as what you had for breakfast this morning. For example, "Well, you know, it was like any other ordinary Tuesday. I woke up at my normal time, had some waffles and drove my girlfriend to her job. When I went out for some Starbucks, I later encountered this other guy who was kind of pissing me off. So, I slashed his throat and dumped his body in the river. After that I remembered that a new movie came out in theaters that my girlfriend would love to see. After shooting some hoops at the park, I went with my girlfriend to watch Despicable Me and we loved that movie. We both slept soundly, ready for another day tomorrow." They often insist "I am kind of a 'in the now' kind of guy. I told you I wasn't a serial killer because that was in the past and it is over and done with. But anyway, what's for lunch?" The sadistic psychopathic serial killer / rapist seems to be the kind of thing that I would call evil. They seem to most closely match the monster narrative, although I can still see their humanity in perhaps brain disruptions or developmental complications which which may have led to this kind of disposition. The moral indifference to having 30+ bodies buried in one's basement creates an act so atrocious that language strains to capture the severity of such acts, hence we call them monsters. However, from their point of view, they are the real victims because nobody understands them. Perhaps, we could in a sense say that such offenders are amoral in that they have no attachment to any moral constraints and thus apply them based on self-interest and survival. The rest is a matter of navigating externally imposed rules based on when it benefits them. This often allows the psychopath to get away with a lot of crimes, especially white collar crimes when they have no regard for the harm caused to the population while enriching themselves. The fundamental question I seem to be grappling with seems to be "if God is good then why is there evil?" Of course, there are a lot of different perspectives I could take on this issue. In any case, how would you deconstruct the monster narrative? Do you think sadistic psychopathic serial killer / rapists or child sex traffickers are evil? Would you have an argument for why such people are fundamentally good? I'm curious as to how you would address these psychological profiles. I'm not entirely confident for the most extreme offenders who were the source of the monster narrative to begin with.

When you become God, you realize there is no difference between life and death. The only difference is that during life you're constrained to survive your organism, otherwise you die. When you become insane, you can willingly choose to surrender the survival of your oraganism, and choose suicide, which is escaping the hallucination of your own organism, and existing eternally as God.

I would move to Norway or Sweden but I don't speak the language. The US is suicide because there's no free healthcare. So moving there is inevitable bankruptcy. lol

@moonawakening444 Here is the full document. I haven't had anybody review it yet, but I would like help to improve it. I see the systemic failures that enabled this behavior and I hope there are ways to prevent it. This post will be long. Organized Crime and Circumstantial Evidence My name is Trenton Rothan. I am writing this message in the hopes of helping law enforcement or advocacy groups combat organized crime. I was exposed to organized crime against my will as a child due to my father being involved in criminal gangs who for the most part evaded consequences. They were involved in many illegal activities including drug distribution, sex trafficking, coercion, gang violence, money laundering schemes, and sometimes police corruption which enabled their actions. In this document I would like to describe some of what I witnessed along with circumstantial evidence that would corroborate my story and make it more believable when child witnesses report these types of things. There are however limits to our current evidentiary standards which often allows organized criminals to frame their victims while evading consequences. There may also be overlap in trauma research in terms of understudied sexual identity shame in heterosexual males due to being associated with an actual adult male perpetrator. Spiral Dynamics A relevant model for understanding criminal psychology and possible systemic solutions would be Spiral Dynamics or similar models such as Integral Theory or Ego Development Theory. In Spiral Dynamics the stages of cognitive and moral development from bottom to top includes beige, purple, red, blue, orange, green, yellow, and turquoise. Stage red in particular is a common set of psychological patterns in organized criminals in contemporary societies. Stage red is characterized as tough, ruthless, thrill for conquest, impulsive, vengeful, exploitative of systems, sexually exploitative with a sense of power or sadism, and oftentimes a complete lack of a moral compass. In some environments, this kind of psychology is seen as a valid survival strategy due to intimating other bad actors who might victimize stage red, such as another gang. Sometimes boys develop this attitude in response to being sexually abused or groomed into future perpetrators through sex trafficking. Preventing these crimes is complex because a person with this mindset will use any exploit available to them within any system to continue their way of life. Stage blue often emerges in response to the lack of morality in the previous stage. Therefore, religion is often used in an effort to rehabilitate some bad actors with an emphasis on strict moral codes presented as absolute infallible truth. The struggle between good and evil can also be seen in police officers who attempt to deter bad actors through punishment. However, due to being impulsive, stage red often commits serious crimes without thinking through the consequences. Oftentimes, bad actors continue their crimes until they are finally caught and punished, at which point some of them start to rethink their lifestyle. However, this method is unreliable as it is extremely difficult, if not impossible to catch all bad actors, meaning in most cases just desserts aren't actually possible. Stage blue can be prone to violence through religious or ideological extremism, which is relevant in some cases of understanding the psychological background of violent criminals. Due to being ethnocentric, stage blue can sometimes be prone to racism, xenophobia, or strongly condemn non-conformists such as LGBTQ+, which is relevant for some hate crimes. A person with religious or cult-like justifications for their crimes are resistant to rehabilitation if they believe God gave them the authority to engage in violence. Preventing these crimes would require that churches not glorify violence against political or religious enemies. Stage orange might be relevant for understanding white collar crimes because this is the stage of calculated transgression for optimization in which rules are treated as obstacles. This might include corrupt business practices such as wage theft or environmental destruction. Under the current system, Americans are often left with the impression of a two-tiered justice system with the rich often escaping consequences due to prosecution being more difficult compared to poor defendants. Our current government is considered stage orange and is in many ways captured by corporate interests, thus making justice nearly impossible in many cases. These organized criminals are often responsible for financial fraud, but in some cases there is also sexual abuse by business leaders in work settings or other areas. Perhaps a concerning psychological background in such people is that they often view workers or poor people in a negative or even dehumanizing way, which on some level would make abuse feel psychologically justified. In order to deter these crimes, the punishment needs to be strong enough to outweigh the benefit of corporations engaging in calculated law breaking. Stage green is especially vulnerable to stage red. Stage green is often more compassionate and loving which can make them vulnerable to manipulation such as through love bombing. They might fall for scams such as false charities due to being too compassionate, or their forgiveness and mercy might be exploited and capitalized on. Stage green in this society is often left leaning rather than right leaning. They often emphasize things like harm reduction, rehabilitation, or crime prevention through social safety nets rather than through policing as they often fear police brutality. This might be where the stereotype “bleeding heart liberal” comes from. Although stage green is usually less violent than the previous stages, there are cases of political extremism such as in antifa or protests that start out peaceful but later get out of hand. Stage green might feel justified in committing crimes if it believes that the law is fundamentally unjust anyway and the rules need to be challenged as in the case of civil disobedience during the Civil Rights era. Changing unjust laws or systems might therefore prevent these crimes. Stage yellow is a type of cognitive development that uses these types of models to understand human behavior. Stage yellow attempts to integrate the strengths of each mode of thinking while being cognizant of the backfiring mechanisms. Stage yellow is often open-minded, nuanced, focuses on big pictures and systems thinking, and develops expertise in research and education. Integrating developmental models such as these to understand different ways of thinking and facilitating communication between stages is common in stage yellow. This might be relevant for bridging gaps in issues that are very polarizing as the right and left often use very different ways of thinking with different values and priorities. Corruption is much less common at higher stages of self-awareness and moral development, but stage yellow is still not above ego and selfishness. There might be intellectual dishonesty and deception. In some cases, stage yellow might be intellectually arrogant due to its understanding of complex systems which could potentially be used to justify calculated rule breaking for the greater good. A whistleblower or a hacker-activist exposing corruption might use complex ethical reasoning for this rule breaking. Stage turquoise is rare in today’s society. It is often characterized as deeply spiritual with a strong focus on consciousness. Turquoise is non-dogmatic and combines enhanced states of consciousness with an understanding of different stages. Perhaps people like Sadhguru or Eckhart Tolle might be stage turquoise as they place a strong emphasis on self-transcendence. Stage turquoise often focuses on human well-being on a large scale, emotional mastery, and radical not-knowing as part of epistemic humility. There may be practical wisdom in emotional mastery as it may prevent impulsive behaviors as in some cases of bullying in schools, thus potentially reducing long term negative impacts with meditation being used to enhance self-awareness. Social and Emotional learning demonstrated that emotional mastery to some extent reduces bullying, though it is not perfect. The closest example of stage turquoise crimes I could find are maybe high profile cases of spiritual leaders claiming to be enlightened, but in reality using spirituality to cover up sexual abuse. This casts doubt on if they are really enlightened and above ego. The main risk is that their spiritual teachings might eventually lead people into dogmatism or spiritual extremism even with best intentions. This could happen after they die, even if their community was completely peaceful at the time of their presence. Various religions might mention people who seem to operate at this level of development, but ultimately use the teachings to justify harm in the absence of the original messenger. It is worth mentioning that people do not always operate from a consistent stage. Someone might in one part of their life operate from one stage, but in a different area in another part of their life. For example, a seemingly good father at home could be working for a company engaged in financial fraud, which would mix blue and orange. Maybe a person describes high moral or intellectual ideals, but in practice is much less developed. Maybe under normal circumstances a person is usually peaceful until an intimate partner cheats on them, leading to a crime of passion, thus mixing red with another stage of development due to impulsive behavior. My Father Christopher Paul Hamann was my father. He had an extensive criminal record involving drug distribution and child support evasion. He had children by multiple women including highschool girls like my mother, though due to a five year age gap being allowed, it was not considered statutory rape when maybe it should be. My father proceeded to abandon his children he had with at least two women that I know of as he fled the State to avoid paying child support. My mother had extensive legal battles, only to discover that child support enforcement was often ineffective at compensating mothers like her. Child support enforcement might take his license away, only for him to drive without a license. Similarly, men who don’t pay child support might end up in jail while the victims remain without compensation in an unstable home. For the most part, my father remained out of jail despite owing approximately 300,000 dollars in child support. He would argue that he was doing his best to help the kids, and this sympathetic sounding argument covered his criminal lifestyle. Some of the mechanisms for child support enforcement include taxing a paycheck from a job or taxing property. However, my father had methods for evading both of these. He would jump from job to job, so that he could not be taxed due to inconsistent income. He would also pay his landlord in cash which he received through illegal means as part of a money laundering scheme, thus avoiding the property tax. This money was often stolen from family members such as when he broke into mom’s house, or the money would be received from other gang activities which seemed to mainly be drug deals to my knowledge. Sometimes my father would boast about his exploits, mentioning money made from drug deals, glorifying gang violence and death threats, and prostitution deals. Although I initially assumed the prostitutes were adult women selling themselves, I would later discover that prostitutes could be victims who are sold by other men, and the victims could also be children including me. My father was often impulsive and manipulative. He would suddenly run out of the house in the middle of the night, taking money, and going to meet his gang. He would also treat me as if I were special, giving me lots of positive praise while threatening to disown me if I reported his crimes. This was combined with incoherent religious messaging in which he would condemn a teenager for masturbation while soliciting minors for prostitution. He claimed to believe in karma, arguing that people gave him money for his drugs because he made good drugs and did the right thing by not mixing poison in the heroin he was selling them. This gives a psychological profile of someone who is deeply irrational from an intellectual standpoint because in reality the underlying logic is power and whatever serves him. His ideology is therefore inconsistent, similar to a Nazi ideology which is logically incoherent, but has a fundamental message of power and dominance. The details are changed as needed to suit them. My father also appears to have been operating under the “just world fallacy.” From his point of view, so long as he could get away with these things, it was as though God was on his side. He believed that good things happened to good people and bad things happened to bad people. In the mind of organized criminals, this is disturbing because it mirrors patterns in how a psychopath thinks. If a person is stupid enough to fall for their tricks, then to the psychopath, that person deserved to be hurt and they deserve to benefit from hurting them. This is what happens when the just world fallacy is filtered through a psychology rooted in power and control. I was often isolated from the rest of my family while my father would be mixing apparent love with threats. This created a dynamic in which my sisters learned to associate me with a perpetrator and therefore started turning against me. I was the easier target which therefore made me a more compelling scapegoat compared to our father involved in a violent gang. I felt as if I were alone trying to navigate not just my father, but also another unstable abusive situation with Mom and my stepfather involving drugs and domestic violence. Teens from unstable homes are often the most vulnerable to sex trafficking due to the isolation from other family members. In the case of my father, he also wanted me to give him information about Mom and Mike which he later went on to use in court with success. It was suspicious how he got this information, but the court didn’t question it and instead investigated Mom for drugs. My father had ties to police corruption through his father Gerald Hamann. Gerald was a former gang member who later became a police informant. He reported some gangs, but didn’t turn his son into the police despite knowing of his crimes. My father claimed he had extensive involvement in crime with Gerald, but I don’t know which parts are true and which parts are fabricated. The part that concerns me is that these stories are plausible given the context of both of their criminal histories, access to weapons, violent histories, and connections to the police in a way that would prevent accountability. In his free time, he would look like a normal man. He would play videogames, read books, and listen to music. One thing I noticed is that he listened to a lot of dirty rap music that glorified criminal behavior. This music on its own does not necessarily have a connection to real criminal activity. However, a finer psychological point is that the music a person listens to often speaks to their identity on some level. This becomes more blatant when the music is used in the context of actual ongoing criminal behavior. It becomes a sign that he actually resonates with the things being said in the dirty rap music that glorifies violence. This makes me wonder if it might be possible to reduce criminal behavior by allowing for edgy raps that have stronger moral messages while still being badass. An example might be criminals who reformed. If stage red values respect and admiration, then sometimes the military or aiding police becomes a gateway to reform. Other times it leads to corruption in the form of a revolving door between police officers during the day and gang members during the night. My father showed some signs of wanting to be different. He feared that his kids would not respect him if they thought of him too negatively. He needed to keep secrets from the family while claiming to want to break the cycle of criminal behavior. Sometimes having a child inspires criminals to change, but in my father’s case it didn’t. Instead he put the burden on me to fix what I didn’t break while involving me in things I didn’t want to be involved in despite claiming to keep family separate from criminal activities. He would talk about breaking the cycle of crime while actively perpetuating it, claiming to be a product of his environment. The stories he told of his childhood involved racially motivated gangs in both directions. He became associated with criminals early on and was described as an asshole by his sister. He put a cat in the microwave while his mother minimized the behavior and became defensive. Although child sexual abuse is common in youth gang members, it is unclear if my father was “initiated” through such abuse. If he were, then that would explain escalating aggression, but the aggression may have been present regardless of such abuse. He came from a father that was also a gang member and later became a police informant. My father learned to glorify violence and power, including his father’s violence such as death threats and beatings. He had learned that his behavior was only bad if he got caught. The Incident Although my father usually did drug deals with his gang, there was an incident that added another dimension to his criminal behavior that I found disturbing. Back when I was in highschool, my father took me to his gang in the middle of the night. He had previously mentioned prostitution deals, but I didn’t think this included children until I was sexually exploited. Once he brought me to his gang, he left me in the car as he walked off and disappeared from my sight. He had been talking in code frequently to disguise his intentions, including numbers and colors. I waited alone until Dad returned from his deal with someone code named Fat Ass. I never saw this man or any of his supposed five other gang members including a woman. They seem to have set up this situation well to ensure that I would have as little information as possible. This made my report ineffective by the time I tried to tell the police what I witnessed. When Dad came back, he said that Fat Ass would give me 600 dollars if I spent the night with him. He for some reason seemed happy about this, as if on some level he felt a twisted sense of pride or being special for having his son offered to a gang. At first I was confused about what exactly he wanted me to do when spending the night with this man. Because children with autism are more trusting and prone to literal interpretations, I thought he meant that he wanted me to literally sleep with Fat Ass rather than figuratively, meaning have sex with him. The reason I hesitated is because 600 dollars sounded like a lot of money for minimal effort. Therefore, I started to grow suspicious until I remembered that Fat Ass was the man who had supposedly hired prostitutes in other deals. I discovered that these deals also involved children when I was the subject of this deal. Ultimately, I didn’t take the money. I was torn between seeing my father as someone I needed to trust to protect me while reconciling it with the reality of his criminal lifestyle. I fell silent and became heavy after being exposed to trafficking deals. I began to fear that my father and his gang may have done deals like these before with other minors. This turned into survivor’s guilt in which my silence felt like enabling. These feelings seem to be driving me to document what I know about organized crime in the hopes of protecting other victims, bringing perpetrators to justice, and preventing these crimes where possible. Therefore, I would like to describe how circumstantial evidence might be applied to cases like mine along with how it might help to catch perpetrators. It will be important to highlight the limits of evidence, as organized criminals often have deep knowledge of the legal system and know how to manipulate evidence to sometimes frame their victims. Circumstantial Evidence in My Case The sexual exploitation of a minor is often extremely difficult to prove. In my case, I was set up by organized criminals who used coded language, hid their identities, spoke behind closed doors by word of mouth without texts, and exploited the trust of a child toward his father while being linked to police corruption that enabled the behavior. Because of factors like these, the majority of organized criminals for the most part evade significant charges. Therefore, the justice system has been relying more and more on circumstantial evidence which is more difficult to hide even for organized criminals while still implicating them through indirect proof rather than hard evidence that is easier to hide such as a gun or a body. In my case, the proof at first seems nearly impossible, but upon closer inspection it is possible to build at minimum probable cause, even if not beyond a reasonable doubt without a further complex investigation. Using what I know about my father, I can reason backwards to see what the signs were that would implicate him. First of all, my father had an extensive criminal record, including drug distribution offenses that would implicate gang activity. His crimes included fleeing the State to avoid paying child support, after which he structured his lifestyle around avoiding these taxes. He was later caught with a pipe in his car by law enforcement, possibly because a gang member left it there or he was using it himself. There was a broad continuation of the same criminal lifestyle even after he supposedly passed all of his drug tests after being caught the first time. Secondly, organized criminals often have a money laundering scheme. This makes sense because the money they are getting is through illegal means, and then often used for seemingly legitimate purposes. In my case, my father owed about 300,000 dollars in child support, owned property, and had multiple jobs. Normally someone would pay a tax on their property for child support, but in the case of my father he didn’t due to paying the landlord in cash. This combined with inconsistent income tied from jumping from job to job, would implicate a money laundering scheme with which to avoid paying child support because the paycheck is also supposed to be taxed for child support. There are likely many other reasons for money laundering schemes that organized criminals could use. In cases like these, a person with a criminal record that implicates gang activity such as drugs, weapons, or sexual offenses combined with a pattern of tax evasion, would implicate that there is a continued criminal lifestyle. Thirdly, in my case my father was less careful with the text messages he sent me. He was confident that I would not report him, which he seems to have been right about. Some of the messages on my old phone included things like Dad saying he would gank my stepfather. This would actually be treated as hard evidence in a court of law, had I had the courage as a child to turn my father into the police for his gang activities. In other cases there likely are damning text messages that are never recovered due to children being too afraid to become a legal enemy of a parent. My father likely had the contacts of other gang members on his old phone, which would establish an ongoing relationship and criminal lifestyle. Proving sexual exploitation specifically would be the hardest to prove, even if my father were implicated in drug and gang related offenses. Once again, I did not realize what I was witnessing or grasp the significance until later on. In this case, I was the child closest to my father, spending the most time with him on his property. Given his ongoing criminal lifestyle, I would have been exposed to gang activities. The closest thing I can think of that might implicate sexual abuse would be my father’s broader criminal lifestyle and character. If my father is the kind of person who shows very little care for his children such as by evading child support while having children by multiple women, then this person would be very careless, reckless, or dangerous. This kind of character, given an ongoing criminal lifestyle, would be the kind of person to endanger his own child by exposing him to gang activities. In my case the specific endangerment was being solicited by a gang for child prostitution which my father facilitated by bringing me to them. However, in order to prove that the specific mechanism of endangerment was sexual exploitation, that would likely require finding out who these other prostitutes were that the gang was hiring. I don’t see how I could prove sexual exploitation specifically while being an isolated witness against an organized gang without corroborating this kind of testimony. Even if I can’t prove sexual exploitation specifically, there should be sufficient evidence to prove child endangerment in the form of criminal socialization and foreseeable risks such as violence from a criminal gang. Lesser charges might still be possible even if sexual exploitation specifically cannot be proven, and depending on the severity, the lesser charges might be sufficient to ensure a just outcome regardless of absent proof of child trafficking. Relevant factors would include contributing to the delinquency of the minor or using a child to manipulate court outcomes. In my case my father not only said he would disown me if I reported his crimes, but he also wanted me to gather dirt on Mom that he could use against her in court. This put me in a loyalty conflict in which I was forced to choose between two bad parents. I sided with Dad because Mom and Mike were using drugs and destroying the house, causing me to fear for the safety of my siblings. Once Dad got this information, it then changed the legal outcome of the court. Mom was treated with increased scrutiny while being made to take drug tests due to knowledge my father could not have had without me. This therefore helped him to avoid consequences. If a person gets this kind of information that they shouldn’t have, then it might implicate some form of spying. In this case I was used as a pawn due to coercion behind the scenes that the court could not see was happening. I was being forced to make adult legal calculations without guidance as both parents were unsafe. Courts should probably be more skeptical of people giving this information they shouldn’t have other than through hearsay. If a child gave him this information along with this broader criminal lifestyle, then this would implicate something very serious in that I was being coerced into aiding in a felony. I would like to help law enforcement and advocacy groups, but sometimes people like me get charged instead of the people doing the coercion as the truth seems to be too complex for courts to handle easily and routinely. In my case, I showed repeated signs of distress and suicidal ideation that was often ignored in schools when I mentioned these things in creative writing. I would write stories involving me committing suicide or I would mention gangs and domestic violence. It was not until I publicly confessed to homicidal thoughts that the community reacted, leading to Mike’s eviction and my mother coming off of the drugs. Maybe children who write about suicide in creative writing should be taken more seriously in schools as it could lead to discovering serious abuse. My father was the son of a former gang member who became a police informant. This would create a strong incentive to cover up crimes while seeming legitimate. Maybe gang members who become police informants should be treated with more scrutiny if they have family members involved in crimes that implicate gang activities. There might be other factors, but I don’t know what else would implicate my father in these crimes. My hope is that these circumstances can be used to better detect gang activities in other cases, such as men with criminal records related to gang activities who owe hundreds of thousands in child support while being implicated in a money laundering scheme. Maybe these circumstances should be seen as more suspect and potentially leading to the discovery of drug, weapon, or sex trafficking, thereby protecting present and future victims. Limits of present evidentiary standards Although circumstantial evidence can be helpful in detecting likely offenders, there are serious limits. Organized criminals are very familiar with the legal system because they want to know the gaps and the most effective ways to exploit them. This includes manipulating evidence to frame their victims while they remain free. A few examples of frame-up scenarios and set ups include sex trafficking framed as prostitution, identity theft, blind mule set ups, middlemen in money laundering or kidnapping schemes, or rape by coercion from a third party. In situations like these, bad actors often set up the situation such that it is hard to implicate them while the manufactured circumstances falsely implicate the victim. These scenarios directly challenge the evidentiary standards used in a court of law as it is often impossible to prove intent, yet innocent people are easily found guilty anyway. Epistemically, it is impossible for any legal system to distinguish between a genuinely guilty person and a successful frame-up in that by definition, all available evidence would have been manipulated to make an innocent person appear guilty. A simple example of a frame-up could be planted drugs discovered during a traffic stop. Although corrupt police officers doing this lead to explosive cases, there are other possibilities such as a vindictive relative planting evidence in someone’s car without their knowledge. In situations like these it would require impossible knowledge to avoid incriminating oneself as the evidence of drugs in a person’s car strongly implicates them regardless of claimed ignorance. Technically, intent is supposed to be proven, but in practice it often isn’t, leading to many successful frame-ups. Perhaps these scenarios could be mitigated through harm reduction and rehabilitation designed to make addiction less common combined with decriminalization or other measures. The fewer drug addicts there are, the less money there would be flowing to the gangs selling the drugs. In sex trafficking scenarios, prostitution is often used as a set up. It serves to make the victim more afraid to tell the police as they risk being charged themselves even if in reality they were being coerced into the situation. This was part of the set up I witnessed as well and sometimes this leads to a serious miscarriage of justice in which victims of rape are charged with being child prostitutes. Police corruption sometimes aids in this set up if there are informants fabricating police reports in the gang’s favor. Unwitting middlemen are often exploited as fall guys despite in reality having no criminal intent at all. This isn’t just in blind mule set ups, but it could be a kidnapping set up. For example, a couple could falsely claim to be the relatives of a child when in reality having no relationship to the child. This could be part of a trick to isolate the child with an unwitting middleman in a kidnapping frame-up. Once the child is isolated with a man falsely claiming to know relatives who don’t exist, the child will panic and the man will be made to seem like a child predator. The circumstantial evidence would likely be strong but misleading. Identity theft sometimes has clear exculpatory evidence that is overlooked. For example, defendants are often charged with crimes they allegedly committed while they were in jail. This should clearly exonerate them if a person can’t be in two places at once. However, sometimes the justice system fails and charges these people again anyway as it is hard to believe them once the falsified criminal record is established. Living any decent life is essentially impossible when a person is constantly framed for financial fraud by someone hacking their bank account while using their social security number. Rape by coercion from a third party is not very well discussed, and it challenges the way sources like the Center of Disease Control describe the nature of the crime. For example, the rape of males is often classified as “made to penetrate.” This is misleading because it implicates a female perpetrator which isn’t necessarily true. It could be that a man was made to penetrate through coercion by a third party in a scenario in which the woman is also a victim. The incentive to do this would be to frame the victim for rape through DNA evidence and potentially use the woman as a witness against the apparent rapist. In reality the ones creating the situation of mutual rape would be the rapists. This situation commonly emerged in government military experiments and concentration camps, but sometimes human traffickers force people into situations like these as well. “Made to penetrate” likely lumps scenarios like these together with female perpetrators. There should be a separate category such as “coercion by a third party” versus “envelopment.” According to the CDC, 79 percent of men reporting “made to penetrate” reported only female perpetrators. There are likely cases of “made to penetrate” by male intimate partners or via coercion by a third party with multiple perpetrators, but there isn’t a clear category in the CDC for this scenario of mutual rape with a male and female victim. In all of these frame-scenarios, the only reasonable defense for the victim is to become the prosecutor of organized criminals who have deliberately manipulated the evidence to frame them. This is an extremely high burden of proof that is nearly impossible to meet in many scenarios. In practice, the victims of a frame-up are often poor and can’t afford an expensive investigation and a sophisticated defense. At the same time, the way investigations are set up often allows the prosecution to set up the narrative from the beginning and only show the defense attorney the gathered evidence shortly before trial. This can and does lead to exculpatory evidence being overlooked, not necessarily out of malice, but out of simple human errors such as confirmation bias. My recommendation would be to allow joint investigations between the defense and prosecution. This would be an effective measure against falsified evidence while ensuring exculpatory evidence isn’t overlooked. There would be a much more transparent process behind how the evidence is gathered while allowing the defense attorneys to build stronger positions. However, this may require changing the current incentive structure of the justice system which is presently geared toward mass incarceration and rapid case management to clear dockets, often at the expense of quality and proper investigation. Miscarriage of justice is likely in these situations because justice is impossible without truth. Police corruption Police corruption is a significant factor in organized crime because such criminals are the ones most likely to exploit this corruption. Fabricating police reports from informants is one of the methods of using police corruption, but it is not the only way. This can include cases such as infiltration of the justice system by gang members, bribery, drug trafficking, and police brutality linked to gangs. In extreme cases of police corruption, law enforcement has been caught enabling organized criminals through a combination of these corrupt practices. Therefore, anti-corruption is critical for effectively fighting organized crime or else the corruption of law enforcement will be exploited by these gangs. An example of extreme police corruption would be a Mississippi case announced on October 30, 2025. This case included 14 law enforcement officers, two of which were sheriffs. These officers were arrested for enabling drug trafficking by accepting bribes. Some officers accepted bribes as high as 37,000 dollars while enabling drug trafficking. Police vehicles and uniforms were used to cover up the scheme by making it seem legitimate. This isn’t the only example of extreme police corruption in Mississippi in recent years, but it demonstrates clearly how corruption enables organized criminals. Reducing police corruption is a complex endeavor, likely requiring several overlapping methods. There would likely need to be external bodies investigating misconduct rather than relying on internal resolutions which often enable cover-ups. Even the highest level of government such as the CIA rely on internal investigations when there are serious scandals, casting doubt on whether or not these investigations are genuine due to the lack of transparency. Other measures might include whistleblower protections, reallocation of funding to prevent crime where possible rather than risking police misconduct, or potentially removing qualified immunity which has been used to shield officers for excessive force, sexual misconduct, or theft. Furthermore, corruption extends even to public officials in ways that make combating organized crime seem unrealistic. Sometimes there are government officials who benefit from organized crime such as white collar crimes, insider trading, sex trafficking, and many other corruption scandals. This is the highest level of organized crime, leading to many cover-ups that damage faith in the government that is supposed to maintain order. The Epstein files are one of many examples of extreme government corruption enabling organized crime. Therefore, anti-corruption and accountability for government officials is critical for stopping organized crime on a systemic level in that corrupt officials sometimes benefit from these criminals. This is a complex and difficult issue beyond the scope of this document, but it is worth mentioning this because fighting organized crime has serious limits if the ones that are supposed to maintain order are the ones responsible for organized crime. Recommendations for detection and prevention Organized criminals are often difficult to detect because they use their knowledge of evidentiary standards to avoid detection. They exploit every loophole that is available in order to carry out their plans. This not only includes every legal loophole, but also every structural weakness in society that allows them to avoid detection and accountability. Given that determined bad actors will look for any exploitable weakness, it makes it nearly impossible to design a system that would prevent this organized crime completely. Combating organized crime is therefore a non-trivial matter and the answers don’t seem obvious. The changes necessary might be radical or counter-intuitive. Firstly, circumstantial evidence has been increasingly relied upon for investigating sophisticated bad actors. Although organized criminals can easily hide hard evidence, it is difficult even for them to hide the suspicious circumstances they create due to the nature of their crimes. In the case of my father, he racked up about 300,000 dollars in child support while owning property and not paying taxes on that property for child support. This kind of behavior implicates a money laundering scheme which is in reality common across various types of organized crimes. Therefore, anti-money laundering measures seem to be the most promising and universal approach to organized crime whether they are involved in sex trafficking, drug trafficking, or weapon trafficking. One of the measures attempted was to require landlords to verify the source of the payment before taking money from a client. Oftentimes landlords prefer hard cash and don’t question where it comes from even though this easily allows tax evasion by drug dealers. However, measures like these were previously lobbied against and therefore never implemented. If they were implemented, then somebody like my father would not have been able to maintain his scheme as it would force transparency on his part, creating a legal vulnerability that would complicate organized crime. Perhaps there are other anti-money laundering measures that could be used to interfere with these operations, but in practice they are difficult to implement. The alternative to anti-money laundering laws would be to focus on preventing crime rather than punishing it after it happens. If organized criminals usually get away with these operations anyway, then law enforcement can’t be relied upon consistently to stop them. Therefore, measures for preventing crime would reduce the burden on law enforcement who would have to carry out lengthy and expensive investigations while improving public safety. Combating organized crime through harm reduction is likely more realistic. For example, drug consumers contribute to the demand for drug traffickers. If drug users are given access to rehabilitation and harm reduction, it would prevent money from flowing toward organized crime. Similarly, human traffickers sometimes post child sexual abuse material on porn sites in an attempt to profit further from their trafficking operations. There are measures being put in place to prevent this material from spreading such as by using AI to efficiently scan targeted sites with known distribution of such material. This material can then be flagged and blocked more efficiently to prevent it from spreading. This kind of job is more difficult for humans to do because it is psychologically disturbing to look at this material and slow to sort through millions of pornographic images on the internet. An AI might be better suited for this kind of work to protect the mental health of human workers while doing the job quickly. One of the methods for redirecting funds from criminal enterprises might include widespread government education on how to do legal entrepreneurship effectively and how to find these opportunities and capitalize on them. The idea is that organized criminals often make a rational financial calculus when considering their crimes. If someone sees legal opportunities available to them and they believe that this is a legitimate path they can follow, it changes the calculus. On its own, this would likely have a small impact on organized crime while potentially becoming a strong source of investment for the community by helping small business start-ups succeed. In order to have a significant impact on organized crime, it would likely require other measures such as access to start-up money, criminal record reform that presently bars people from these opportunities, and other social safety nets and economic investment. Once again, combating organized crime remains complex and non-trivial. A change in education that may prevent children from becoming criminals is comprehensive age appropriate sex education for minors. It is important to teach children about boundaries and consent because a significant portion of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by other youth. Sometimes when children are sexually abused, they develop a desire to reclaim power and therefore act more aggressively. This pattern of behavior can lead to disengagement in schools which in turn can lead them to turning to crime. Child sexual abuse perpetrated by youth is often under discussed, but preventing it is important both for preventing severe trauma in victims while also preventing the perpetrator from continuing this behavior while risking the victim also becoming a perpetrator. Usually, victims do not become perpetrators, but sometimes they do depending on how their shattered worldview pieces itself back together due to reaction formation. Child Disengagement in Schools Another aspect of reducing crime includes addressing at risk children in schools. Some children have behavioral problems which make them more resistant to obeying authority. Although schools repeatedly give these kids punishment and detention, they don’t change and eventually drop out of school, leaving them vulnerable to organized crime. These children likely recognize that their lack of power is being exploited while moralizing language is used in an attempt to shame them into submission and control. They have a different worldview that is sensitive to this power discrepancy compared to other children while believing that the school is not actually serving their interests. Such children might look for belonging elsewhere, such as other groups of people who were frequently told that they were bad people. These people may be in a position to offer them a sense of autonomy, money, and power through criminal exploits. Schools using punitive methods of discipline may not recognize that they are reducing the child’s sense of autonomy rather than giving them hope that they can control their future through becoming better students. They are instead repeatedly punished for getting into fights and doing whatever they want with a disregard for the rules and their consequences. Perhaps a better disciplinary measure is needed for such children. Rather than inflating their ego even more through trying to scare them and threaten them which they will mimic in adulthood, schools may more effectively help at-risk students by giving them a better deal while helping them to maintain a sense of control over their lives. They want a sense that respect flows in both directions rather than being expected to respect adults that don’t respect them, with one example being adults being allowed to cuss while children can’t. Offers made to these students would need to convince them without the use of moral language, but rather through practical language for achieving what they want. This can be accompanied by school counselors who learn their grievances with the current system while giving them steps to build the life they want through education. If school fails to offer them a better deal by making compelling promises that can be kept with progress reports, then criminal gangs might do a better job of offering these kids belonging, money, power, and autonomy than any formal legal system ever could. More punishment will eventually lead to recidivism as the children don’t believe the system actually serves their interests both in childhood and in adulthood. This could be a method of rehabilitation rather than punishment applied to school systems in addition to criminal justice systems. Heterosexual Shame An overlooked aspect of trauma research is heterosexual shame. Typically, research on sexual shame focuses on LGBTQ+ because it is more systemic rather than context dependent as in the case of straight shame. This is a critical gap in trauma research because heterosexual shame can emerge as a consequence of a child being associated with an adult sexual predator, therefore causing them to view normal sexuality as inherently predatory. Part of my trauma recovery involves heterosexual shame, not just out of what my father did, but also due to facing accusations by my mother in regard to predatory behavior when I was six. She equated me to a child molester and threatened me with jail. This wasn’t the only example of sexual identity abuse because she also fabricated stories about tissues used for masturbation in an attempt to embarrass me as well as she and the family showing signs of wanting me to be gay as if it were desirable. A possible explanation for this apparent preference for my gayness would be the fact that my sisters and my mother felt my father was a sexual predator and therefore felt safer with me not having a sexual attraction toward women. I noticed apparent disapproval from this side of the family in that they would withdraw support and love while becoming colder should I express being straight. Meanwhile my proclaimed Christian father insisted that being gay was sinful. I grew up in my household as an only boy without the guidance of any father while learning that my sexual desires and curiosity made me dangerous when my father was the true source of the harm in this family system. This pattern is typical across other forms of sexual shame. For example, LGBTQ+ are frequently characterized as sexual predators. There is an infamous 1960’s homophobic ad about child predators as they were treated as identical. Similarly, today pedophile and child molester are often used interchangeably despite not being technically identical. A pedophile often internalizes deep sexual shame because of their feelings even if they don’t act on their sexual attraction to children. Meanwhile, a child molester is typically motivated by power rather than sexual pleasure and is more likely to act on these desires than a pedophile. This shame prevents pedophiles from seeking help and may make children more vulnerable as a result if these pedophiles do not instead die by suicide which is also unacceptable. A child molester demonstrates a clear lack of sympathy for the victim’s suffering whereas a pedophile may have sympathy for a child’s suffering and therefore not act on their desires, although some pedophiles do act on these desires. Closing I hope that this document helps in understanding perpetrator psychology while protecting present and future victims from organized crime. Combating organized crime is difficult for many reasons. People who do horrible things operate from a different worldview than most people are used to, making their behavior seem incomprehensible. It becomes difficult to understand why people would do such things. Additionally, organized criminals are both sophisticated in their methods and determined to exploit any weakness available to them in a social system. It becomes nearly impossible to close all weaknesses within a social system even in theory, and then in practice there is often a lack of political willpower to close the identified weaknesses, exacerbating the problem. The changes necessary to combat organized crime therefore often seem threatening to the current social order, radical, politically risky, or counter intuitive due to rehabilitation seeming “soft.” I may struggle with the trauma inflicted upon me by my family and organized criminals, resulting in survivor’s guilt among many other psychological complications. However, I also have unique strengths in the form of my deeply logical and analytical approach to understanding systems. I would like to use my strengths to give others the help that I deserved but did not receive. References Beck, D. E., & Cowan, C. C. (1996). Spiral dynamics: Mastering values, leadership, and change. Blackwell Publishing. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Intimate partner violence, sexual violence, and stalking among men. https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/about/intimate-partner-violence-sexual-violence-and-stalking-among-men.html Hare, R. D. (1993). Without conscience: The disturbing world of the psychopaths among us. Guilford Press. Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books. Lew, M. (1990). Victims no longer: Men recovering from incest and other sexual child abuse. Harper & Row. Mississippi Today. (2025, October 30). FBI arrests delta sheriffs. https://mississippitoday.org/2025/10/30/fbi-arrests-delta-sheriffs/ Wilber, K. (2000). A theory of everything: An integral vision for business, politics, science, and spirituality. Shambhala Publications.

For anybody interested, I have a long document, about 12 pages single-spaced. It is about organized crime, focusing mainly on stage red. This was my first draft, and there might be some mistakes in it. I have given a copy to a couple of people I know in preparation for review, but they haven't gotten back to me yet. I will give you the sections related to my father and circumstantial evidence as it is most relevant for understanding the "monster." If you are interested in the full document, let me know, but I made it by myself without help. Here are some snippets from the document. One thing I didn't mention was grooming behaviors. I didn't understand this very well, but grooming is being criminalized and it explains much of what my father did to me to prepare me for exploitation similar to other child predators. My Father Christopher Paul Hamann was my father. He had an extensive criminal record involving drug distribution and child support evasion. He had children by multiple women including highschool girls like my mother, though due to a five year age gap being allowed, it was not considered statutory rape when maybe it should be. My father proceeded to abandon his children he had with at least two women that I know of as he fled the State to avoid paying child support. My mother had extensive legal battles, only to discover that child support enforcement was often ineffective at compensating mothers like her. Child support enforcement might take his license away, only for him to drive without a license. Similarly, men who don’t pay child support might end up in jail while the victims remain without compensation in an unstable home. For the most part, my father remained out of jail despite owing approximately 300,000 dollars in child support. He would argue that he was doing his best to help the kids, and this sympathetic sounding argument covered his criminal lifestyle. Some of the mechanisms for child support enforcement include taxing a paycheck from a job or taxing property. However, my father had methods for evading both of these. He would jump from job to job, so that he could not be taxed due to inconsistent income. He would also pay his landlord in cash which he received through illegal means as part of a money laundering scheme, thus avoiding the property tax. This money was often stolen from family members such as when he broke into mom’s house, or the money would be received from other gang activities which seemed to mainly be drug deals to my knowledge. Sometimes my father would boast about his exploits, mentioning money made from drug deals, glorifying gang violence and death threats, and prostitution deals. Although I initially assumed the prostitutes were adult women selling themselves, I would later discover that prostitutes could be victims who are sold by other men, and the victims could also be children including me. My father was often impulsive and manipulative. He would suddenly run out of the house in the middle of the night, taking money, and going to meet his gang. He would also treat me as if I were special, giving me lots of positive praise while threatening to disown me if I reported his crimes. This was combined with incoherent religious messaging in which he would condemn a teenager for masturbation while soliciting minors for prostitution. He claimed to believe in karma, arguing that people gave him money for his drugs because he made good drugs and did the right thing by not mixing poison in the heroin he was selling them. This gives a psychological profile of someone who is deeply irrational from an intellectual standpoint because in reality the underlying logic is power and whatever serves him. His ideology is therefore inconsistent, similar to a Nazi ideology which is logically incoherent, but has a fundamental message of power and dominance. The details are changed as needed to suit them. My father also appears to have been operating under the “just world fallacy.” From his point of view, so long as he could get away with these things, it was as though God was on his side. He believed that good things happened to good people and bad things happened to bad people. In the mind of organized criminals, this is disturbing because it mirrors patterns in how a psychopath thinks. If a person is stupid enough to fall for their tricks, then to the psychopath, that person deserved to be hurt and they deserve to benefit from hurting them. This is what happens when the just world fallacy is filtered through a psychology rooted in power and control. I was often isolated from the rest of my family while my father would be mixing apparent love with threats. This created a dynamic in which my sisters learned to associate me with a perpetrator and therefore started turning against me. I was the easier target which therefore made me a more compelling scapegoat compared to our father involved in a violent gang. I felt as if I were alone trying to navigate not just my father, but also another unstable abusive situation with Mom and my stepfather involving drugs and domestic violence. Teens from unstable homes are often the most vulnerable to sex trafficking due to the isolation from other family members. In the case of my father, he also wanted me to give him information about Mom and Mike which he later went on to use in court with success. It was suspicious how he got this information, but the court didn’t question it and instead investigated Mom for drugs. My father had ties to police corruption through his father Gerald Hamann. Gerald was a former gang member who later became a police informant. He reported some gangs, but didn’t turn his son into the police despite knowing of his crimes. My father claimed he had extensive involvement in crime with Gerald, but I don’t know which parts are true and which parts are fabricated. The part that concerns me is that these stories are plausible given the context of both of their criminal histories, access to weapons, violent histories, and connections to the police in a way that would prevent accountability. In his free time, he would look like a normal man. He would play videogames, read books, and listen to music. One thing I noticed is that he listened to a lot of dirty rap music that glorified criminal behavior. This music on its own does not necessarily have a connection to real criminal activity. However, a finer psychological point is that the music a person listens to often speaks to their identity on some level. This becomes more blatant when the music is used in the context of actual ongoing criminal behavior. It becomes a sign that he actually resonates with the things being said in the dirty rap music that glorifies violence. This makes me wonder if it might be possible to reduce criminal behavior by allowing for edgy raps that have stronger moral messages while still being badass. An example might be criminals who reformed. If stage red values respect and admiration, then sometimes the military or aiding police becomes a gateway to reform. Other times it leads to corruption in the form of a revolving door between police officers during the day and gang members during the night. My father showed some signs of wanting to be different. He feared that his kids would not respect him if they thought of him too negatively. He needed to keep secrets from the family while claiming to want to break the cycle of criminal behavior. Sometimes having a child inspires criminals to change, but in my father’s case it didn’t. Instead he put the burden on me to fix what I didn’t break while involving me in things I didn’t want to be involved in despite claiming to keep family separate from criminal activities. He would talk about breaking the cycle of crime while actively perpetuating it, claiming to be a product of his environment. The stories he told of his childhood involved racially motivated gangs in both directions. He became associated with criminals early on and was described as an asshole by his sister. He put a cat in the microwave while his mother minimized the behavior and became defensive. Although child sexual abuse is common in youth gang members, it is unclear if my father was “initiated” through such abuse. If he were, then that would explain escalating aggression, but the aggression may have been present regardless of such abuse. He came from a father that was also a gang member and later became a police informant. My father learned to glorify violence and power, including his father’s violence such as death threats and beatings. He had learned that his behavior was only bad if he got caught. The Incident Although my father usually did drug deals with his gang, there was an incident that added another dimension to his criminal behavior that I found disturbing. Back when I was in highschool, my father took me to his gang in the middle of the night. He had previously mentioned prostitution deals, but I didn’t think this included children until I was sexually exploited. Once he brought me to his gang, he left me in the car as he walked off and disappeared from my sight. He had been talking in code frequently to disguise his intentions, including numbers and colors. I waited alone until Dad returned from his deal with someone code named Fat Ass. I never saw this man or any of his supposed five other gang members including a woman. They seem to have set up this situation well to ensure that I would have as little information as possible. This made my report ineffective by the time I tried to tell the police what I witnessed. When Dad came back, he said that Fat Ass would give me 600 dollars if I spent the night with him. He for some reason seemed happy about this, as if on some level he felt a twisted sense of pride or being special for having his son offered to a gang. At first I was confused about what exactly he wanted me to do when spending the night with this man. Because children with autism are more trusting and prone to literal interpretations, I thought he meant that he wanted me to literally sleep with Fat Ass rather than figuratively, meaning have sex with him. The reason I hesitated is because 600 dollars sounded like a lot of money for minimal effort. Therefore, I started to grow suspicious until I remembered that Fat Ass was the man who had supposedly hired prostitutes in other deals. I discovered that these deals also involved children when I was the subject of this deal. Ultimately, I didn’t take the money. I was torn between seeing my father as someone I needed to trust to protect me while reconciling it with the reality of his criminal lifestyle. I fell silent and became heavy after being exposed to trafficking deals. I began to fear that my father and his gang may have done deals like these before with other minors. This turned into survivor’s guilt in which my silence felt like enabling. These feelings seem to be driving me to document what I know about organized crime in the hopes of protecting other victims, bringing perpetrators to justice, and preventing these crimes where possible. Therefore, I would like to describe how circumstantial evidence might be applied to cases like mine along with how it might help to catch perpetrators. It will be important to highlight the limits of evidence, as organized criminals often have deep knowledge of the legal system and know how to manipulate evidence to sometimes frame their victims. Circumstantial Evidence in My Case The sexual exploitation of a minor is often extremely difficult to prove. In my case, I was set up by organized criminals who used coded language, hid their identities, spoke behind closed doors by word of mouth without texts, and exploited the trust of a child toward his father while being linked to police corruption that enabled the behavior. Because of factors like these, the majority of organized criminals for the most part evade significant charges. Therefore, the justice system has been relying more and more on circumstantial evidence which is more difficult to hide even for organized criminals while still implicating them through indirect proof rather than hard evidence that is easier to hide such as a gun or a body. In my case, the proof at first seems nearly impossible, but upon closer inspection it is possible to build at minimum probable cause, even if not beyond a reasonable doubt without a further complex investigation. Using what I know about my father, I can reason backwards to see what the signs were that would implicate him. First of all, my father had an extensive criminal record, including drug distribution offenses that would implicate gang activity. His crimes included fleeing the State to avoid paying child support, after which he structured his lifestyle around avoiding these taxes. He was later caught with a pipe in his car by law enforcement, possibly because a gang member left it there or he was using it himself. There was a broad continuation of the same criminal lifestyle even after he supposedly passed all of his drug tests after being caught the first time. Secondly, organized criminals often have a money laundering scheme. This makes sense because the money they are getting is through illegal means, and then often used for seemingly legitimate purposes. In my case, my father owed about 300,000 dollars in child support, owned property, and had multiple jobs. Normally someone would pay a tax on their property for child support, but in the case of my father he didn’t due to paying the landlord in cash. This combined with inconsistent income tied from jumping from job to job, would implicate a money laundering scheme with which to avoid paying child support because the paycheck is also supposed to be taxed for child support. There are likely many other reasons for money laundering schemes that organized criminals could use. In cases like these, a person with a criminal record that implicates gang activity such as drugs, weapons, or sexual offenses combined with a pattern of tax evasion, would implicate that there is a continued criminal lifestyle. Thirdly, in my case my father was less careful with the text messages he sent me. He was confident that I would not report him, which he seems to have been right about. Some of the messages on my old phone included things like Dad saying he would gank my stepfather. This would actually be treated as hard evidence in a court of law, had I had the courage as a child to turn my father into the police for his gang activities. In other cases there likely are damning text messages that are never recovered due to children being too afraid to become a legal enemy of a parent. My father likely had the contacts of other gang members on his old phone, which would establish an ongoing relationship and criminal lifestyle. Proving sexual exploitation specifically would be the hardest to prove, even if my father were implicated in drug and gang related offenses. Once again, I did not realize what I was witnessing or grasp the significance until later on. In this case, I was the child closest to my father, spending the most time with him on his property. Given his ongoing criminal lifestyle, I would have been exposed to gang activities. The closest thing I can think of that might implicate sexual abuse would be my father’s broader criminal lifestyle and character. If my father is the kind of person who shows very little care for his children such as by evading child support while having children by multiple women, then this person would be very careless, reckless, or dangerous. This kind of character, given an ongoing criminal lifestyle, would be the kind of person to endanger his own child by exposing him to gang activities. In my case the specific endangerment was being solicited by a gang for child prostitution which my father facilitated by bringing me to them. However, in order to prove that the specific mechanism of endangerment was sexual exploitation, that would likely require finding out who these other prostitutes were that the gang was hiring. I don’t see how I could prove sexual exploitation specifically while being an isolated witness against an organized gang without corroborating this kind of testimony. Even if I can’t prove sexual exploitation specifically, there should be sufficient evidence to prove child endangerment in the form of criminal socialization and foreseeable risks such as violence from a criminal gang. Lesser charges might still be possible even if sexual exploitation specifically cannot be proven, and depending on the severity, the lesser charges might be sufficient to ensure a just outcome regardless of absent proof of child trafficking. Relevant factors would include contributing to the delinquency of the minor or using a child to manipulate court outcomes. In my case my father not only said he would disown me if I reported his crimes, but he also wanted me to gather dirt on Mom that he could use against her in court. This put me in a loyalty conflict in which I was forced to choose between two bad parents. I sided with Dad because Mom and Mike were using drugs and destroying the house, causing me to fear for the safety of my siblings. Once Dad got this information, it then changed the legal outcome of the court. Mom was treated with increased scrutiny while being made to take drug tests due to knowledge my father could not have had without me. This therefore helped him to avoid consequences. If a person gets this kind of information that they shouldn’t have, then it might implicate some form of spying. In this case I was used as a pawn due to coercion behind the scenes that the court could not see was happening. I was being forced to make adult legal calculations without guidance as both parents were unsafe. Courts should probably be more skeptical of people giving this information they shouldn’t have other than through hearsay. If a child gave him this information along with this broader criminal lifestyle, then this would implicate something very serious in that I was being coerced into aiding in a felony. I would like to help law enforcement and advocacy groups, but sometimes people like me get charged instead of the people doing the coercion as the truth seems to be too complex for courts to handle easily and routinely. In my case, I showed repeated signs of distress and suicidal ideation that was often ignored in schools when I mentioned these things in creative writing. I would write stories involving me committing suicide or I would mention gangs and domestic violence. It was not until I publicly confessed to homicidal thoughts that the community reacted, leading to Mike’s eviction and my mother coming off of the drugs. Maybe children who write about suicide in creative writing should be taken more seriously in schools as it could lead to discovering serious abuse. My father was the son of a former gang member who became a police informant. This would create a strong incentive to cover up crimes while seeming legitimate. Maybe gang members who become police informants should be treated with more scrutiny if they have family members involved in crimes that implicate gang activities. There might be other factors, but I don’t know what else would implicate my father in these crimes. My hope is that these circumstances can be used to better detect gang activities in other cases, such as men with criminal records related to gang activities who owe hundreds of thousands in child support while being implicated in a money laundering scheme. Maybe these circumstances should be seen as more suspect and potentially leading to the discovery of drug, weapon, or sex trafficking, thereby protecting present and future victims.

I am 34. I have never been on a date or had a girlfriend. My only kiss happened on a school trip where the girls were playing a game and the loser had to kiss me. I was born with a birth injury and spent my childhood in and out of hospital. Due to my birth injury I am very weak for a grown man and got bullied physically and verbally at school. A girl said I would die a virgin (probably going to be right). My father was an abusive sociopath who had multiple children with multiple women. I still have half siblings I have never met. My older sister died of an auto immune disorder last year. I am tired of being gaslighted and being given advice that doesn't match the reality I have experienced and observed. I receive more vitriol for sharing my views than men who actually harm women. I believe many people on this forum and in spiritual communities in general are arrogant. A lot of you believe you are more evolved and intelligent than you are and communicate from this lofty, self appointed pedestal but I see the same immature attitudes to being challenged that you get in lower stages of development. Most of you are only interested in communication that reinforces you are better than the person you are communicating with. I see this especially with women and men who see themselves as self designated "Good Men" but you are all full of crap. Maybe suicide is the best option, what's the point of persisting in good faith in a reality like this. Maybe it's the best for everyone, one less loser in your way so all you wonderful, perfect, evolved people can share your reality together because that is how life works right........"just be a good person", "respect women", "just be yourself".

Suicide is not an option. NEVER! You should open up with us. We don't know who you are, be free and express yourself. Why do you think is late to turn your life on a new trajectory? How can you start forgiving woman for what they did to you?

Hard to watch him without being reminded of how he only got a slap on the wrist for collabing with a streamer who committed suicide, to be aech.