Knock

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Posts posted by Knock

  1. Posted

    5 hours ago, Harikrishnan said:

     

    Can u explain on this little more.

    Sorry, that was poor English.

    Sometimes emotional/mental problems have a physical origin from your body. For example, my bad posture contributed to feeling uptight all the time. When I worked on my posture, those emotions went away. 

    Maybe your sex drive could be the same? 

  5. Posted

    Here is some sincere, direct masculine advice for you, @Uncover young man.

    Here is what you are going to do:

    1.       Write up a personal balance sheet. You’re an accountant right? Download your bank history csv for the past 6-12 months and sort into categories. Break them into 9 categories of expenses, using ‘other’ for your 10th category if needed. Piece of cake. Add a fancy pie chart if you want, make this as fun or bland as you want, but this is important.

    This creates money awareness. Know where your money is going. Know how much you can save a month. Could you save $20 per week? $50? $100? Good, that’s now money to invest in you. Be selfish. That’s gym money, food money, book money. Whatever you need.

    PAY YOURSELF FIRST. Invest in yourself. Not your girlfriend, not on your mates for that 4th round of drinks. Invest in your personal growth, it is the most important thing. Mates and girlfriends may come and go, but you will never leave you.

    2.       Time to change your mindset. This is a 2-pronged attack. Action and information. Information for perspective change. Action for self-belief. What information? Quality sources!

    Don’t know quality sources? Then ask around! The most important thing it to read and take-in what resonates with you, not what you think you ‘should’ be learning. If it’s boring, put it down! There is an infinite other things that can help you that will be interesting and helpful to you when you look for them.

    If you can’t concentrate when reading books, or can’t afford them, no problem! Watch Youtube, browse inspiring blogs, listen to podcasts! Do whatever helps you get out of your rut and engaged in new perspectives. This should be fun and exciting, not a chore!

     

    3. Now action, the easiest part. Requires no thinking, just do something that gets you out of the house. Go for a walk after work, play casual sport, do some 1-on-1 basketball with your girlfriend. Just start small, but make it consistent. If you want to get muscles, join a gym, but don’t overthink it!

    If gym is your thing, I have a gym story. I was scarred shirtless about going to the gym, wondering if everyone will notice my twig arms and if I was doing the exercises correctly. Nobody gave 2 fruitbats when I walked in, nor did they give 2 fruitbats when I walked out. To get me started, my PT buddy gave me the following advice. “Just get to the gym”. No nutrition, not exercise routine. Just rock-up.

    For the first 2 weeks, everyday, I went into the gym, walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes, then walked out. Did I gain any muscles in that time? Hell no! Did I gain any confidence in the gym in that time? 1000 times YES! And it was easy. Hell, even my 90yr Grandma could walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes. It wasn’t about the workout, it was about the confidence, it was about the mindset. You see, once you set your mindset up, once you get the ball rolling, the actions pick-up themselves.

    By the 3rd week, I was EAGER to walk 15minutes. And hell, why not chuck in a quick 2 minute run in while I’m at it.

    Yeah, my progress was slow. Yeah, I was “inefficient”. But you know what’s more inefficient. Sitting on the couch all day looking up how to do the best gym workouts, when not even signed up for the gym. So just get there! Small, but consistent. You got this!

     

    Whew! Now I’m pumped for the gym, so I’ll leave this post here, hope it helps.

  6. Posted

    I have been going to a couple of Hatha Yoga classes, but am having a really tough time with a number of the poses; most particularly, downwards facing dog.

    I have heard this is a restorative pose, but I am finding it a real struggle, and can only hold it for maybe a minute or 2. Anyone else struggle with this pose? Is there any trick or pointers that helped you get better at it?

  7. Posted

    1. Realise that your neediness about the girl is all about you, and nothing to do with the girl. The problem is internal, the solution is internal. 

    2. Knowing the solution is internal, work on yourself to get to a point of non-neediness. Basically what @MaxV said above. It's all about creating self-esteem in yourself and being happy as you are, without having a girl. (This process may take months and even years). 

    3. Detachment - it's all about getting your expectations and preconceived ideas out of the way. In see it as objective observation, rather than emotional manipulation. This is the mindset. When you see a girl that you like, acknowledge the attraction, than take action, without needing anything.

    Think "That girl looks interesting, I would like to get to know her. I wonder what kind of person she is." Then approach the girl. 

    She will show you the kind of person she is. 

    If she says "Go away loser." Then you know she has entitlement issues. Not worth your time. 

    If she says "Pleased to meet you...what brings you here... " Then you know she is kind and worth talking to. 

    Once you stop making girls so much about you, and get out of your head, you open up the possibility to have real loving connection with women. 

  8. Posted

    20/07/2019 – 26/07/2019

    This entry is going to be covering most of the week, as I haven’t really had time to write in my journal.

    Over the week, I have peeked into the forum every now and then for 10-15 minutes every here and there. I would say I spent about 2hrs in total browsing the forum over the week.

    The standout threads to me were the question of video vs books to consume content. This is an area I have researched a bit in, and can say with 100% confidence that books are of higher quality content and should be the #1 area to look to if you want to deeply know a topic. However, videos do have a wider appeal and can be great in introducing new facets of ideas and concepts, so they have their own niche value too.

    Most of the content I skimmed through this week is forgettable, for the very fact that I cant recall anything resonating with me or anything memorable that I can write about now. I do recall seeing a few posts by ‘Angelo’ (hope he doesn’t mind being mentioned here), that I really enjoyed reading and felt had a lot of practical value.

    There were a number of posts about grand life plans, some good, some not so good. Personally, this never works for me. Talking about doing something before doing it (especially to people you don’t really know or care about) dissipates all the energy you had inside to actually take action. Actions speak louder than words. It’s called Show & Tell, not tell then show. However I do understand questioning about certain careers to get a bigger picture of what the reality entails.

    There was one posted that I loved about giving gratitude to this forum. This post was very touching and the responses were very respectful and empathetic. This post had the biggest impact on me this week, bringing me into a positive and loving state immediately after.

    What I learned overall this week is not to be so hard on yourself, and you can never predict the future, so learn to let the imagination go and be content that your life is already amazing as it is happening before you.

    My 3 gratitudes:

    ·         I am grateful for my healthly body and mind

    ·         I am grateful to my parents for a wonderful upbringing

    ·         I am grateful for my sibling being such an inspiration, getting a new job that they love and continuing to enrich those around them.

  9. Posted

    There is a really good book I read that talks about this in one of its chapters - The Shallows by Nicolas Carr.

    He describes books are better for learning because they have less stimuli. The comprehending brain is like a bottleneck for learning. When you have too much stimuli, like in a video, then brain has to focus more on filtering rather than processing the content. 

    Not to mention that books often have the highest saturation of quality information in comparison to other mediums. 

  10. Posted

    19/07/2019

    Today I spent 2hrs reading over a number of threads, specifically the morality of sexuality in the Self Actualisation board. Initially I enjoyed the conversation, but on later pages it seemed to be hijacked and went off topic.

    Looked at the Radical Honesty thread. Topic seems to be going on about paedophiles and OCD.

    Next topic was Unspirituality. Most posts were emotionally vested in reinstating ones own beliefs, rather than learning or having respectful conversation. One of the mods saw through this and gave a simple and thoughtful response, which I liked to see.

    A newbie created a post ‘how to sort myself out’. Most answers were kind hearted, however it was evident it is difficult to give advice when no there is no real context to apply it to.

    I then moved into the Dating board. I started reading the ‘why do I repel girls’ thread. I wanted to simply say “because you don’t contribute value in their eyes”, but it seems that the conversation had already taken another path, and such an answer would be inappropriate.

    Moving over into the Meditation board, there were many new topics to view. I don’t often visit this board as I find it’s not very practical in my life currently (Spiritual philosophy just goes straight over my head ?). There was a great report on cold showers though, which I enjoyed reading.

    Overall I learnt that if you are to make a discussion, make sure you provide the proper context so people know how to address your questions. I also learnt that after the first page or 2, most discussions derail and it might not be worthwhile revisiting them.

    3 Gratitude’s for the day:

    -          I am grateful that it is now the weekend

    -          I am grateful that I have somehow avoided the flu which is going around the office

    -          I am grateful that I got to catch up with my friend last night

  11. Posted

    This journal will be more of a daily log of what I have read and learnt when browsing the forum. Sorry I am not interested in having discussions here, but if you wish to input some knowledge or raise a question to what I have said, feel free to PM me ? (note, if you do post on here, I will not respond, so please don’t take offence ?).

    I will also be finishing my journal entries with 3 Gratitude's, as a means of cultivating contentment and perspective in my privileged life ^_^  

  13. Posted

    This might sounds silly, but the best thing I have done that has lead to the most growth was:

    - Re-defining my values.

    Before then, I was doing things mostly based on my parents values, and what they would want me to do. I was also doing a lot of things that my friends and society at large valued too. 

    Once I started looking into what really leads to happiness and long-term fulfilment, my life turned around drastically. I started creating my future instead of following what everyone else was telling me. Values are so important, as they drive your beliefs and behaviours, shaping your life right in front of you.

    I am really passionate about this if you couldn't tell xD

  16. Posted

    Thank you everyone for your answers.

    I guess I am finding it hard to accept my natural tendencies to frequently seek solitude.

    I have always wanted to be more charismatic, and hence force myself to socialise a lot more than what’s comfortable for me. When I don’t socialise often, although I feel content, my social skills start to diminish.

    Is the answer to simply accept that social mastery is not aligned with my natural inclinations, and to be okay with that? I hope that is not the case, I have always envisioned myself to one day be like Tony Robbins.

  17. Posted · Edited by Knock

    24 minutes ago, Gili Trawangan said:

    @ajasatya I don't want to speak for the OP, but after a habit is strengthened, to become more social takes work. And work takes motivation.

    To enjoy the company of others one must first put himself in the position of being able to meet others in a social gathering. And to go to social gatherings one must want to do it, otherwise it doesn't happen in the first place. This is the situation I find myself in at the moment... no real desire to meet others, but a nagging sensation that I might miss out on it if the situation continues as is. I suspect that @Knock feels the same way? 

    Spot on there @Gili Trawangan

    I feel I won’t be well rounded and fully developed if I remain at the same level of socialisation I am currently participating in. But there is also a lack of motivation to do so (is this fear? Comfort? Personality?).

    I am thinking of it in terms of the ‘development wheel’ that some coaches use, referring to working on all lines of development for a stable and fulfilling life. (i.e If the wheel is unbalanced, you are not going to get very far).

     

    Development wheel life.png

  18. Posted

    @VictorB02 Interestingly enough, I just watched a Youtube video from Charisma on Command "How to Turn Awkwardness into Confidence" that talks about appropriate levels of eye-contact.

    As an aside, they also had a really great rule #4, which I found ever more profound. Direct quote:

    "99% of the awkward situations you will encounter in your life, are made worse because you are fighting to be perceived in a certain way. If you would just let go of managing peoples opinions of you most of the awkwardness would disappear. So if you are ever feeling awkward, just ask yourself 'what perception am I fighting right now?' And then relax, knowing that it is only a perception of you, because your deepest confidence is not based on controlling the perceptions of others, but in embracing the truth of who you are."

    Sorry if this hijacks the thread, I just really liked that video and couldn't help my projection. xD:ph34r:

  19. Posted

    I have obtained a significant amount of capital. I am contemplating on how I should use it to contribute to society?

    Is it better to donate now, having only a small impact, but then losing the opportunity costs of investing that money.

    Or

    To invest that money now, so that you have a significant amount of money in the future, which then can make substantial changes and massive impact when you donate?  

  20. Posted

    I worry I may have created a fixed mindset in my social needs.

    I have constructed this belief that I am an introvert and I don’t need to spend much time socialising. My social skills are definitely below average. I have convinced myself that it is simply not a priority for me, that my strengths and time are better spent in other areas. I have all sorts of justifications for this belief; I enjoy my own company, I am a deep thinker that enjoys contemplation, I get overstimulated easily, etc.

    Is this an avoidance strategy? Am I self-deluding myself so I can sit in my comfort zone? Is anyone else feeling this too?

  24. Posted · Edited by Knock

    @SFRL I am re-reading Steven Covey's 7 habits, so I am going to project my newfound knowledge and hope it helps.

    Seek to understand, then be understood = ask why are they making their choice? what value is underlying it? Can there be any compromise? After letting the other explain their position, then ask to share yours.

    (HINT: must people don't know their reasoning until they say it out loud. When done so, they will soften and be more flexible as they feel respected and heard. Even if there is a disagreement in action/response, there will be connection in person.)

    Win-win or no deal = If there is a conflict of values, then have the self-respect to walk away. Not sure if this is appropriate, as you gave no context.