Matt23

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About Matt23

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  • Birthday 06/05/1992

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    Vancouver, BC, Canada
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    Male
  1. He left an inspiring legacy ---> Respect Alive in our minds ---> Gratitude And in our hearts ---> Love
  2. I felt lots of grief when this happened and cried. Basketball has been a huge part of my life. Watching him and others play basketball on youtube and tv has been a huge therapy for me and, I'm sure, millions of others. Seeing the excellence, skill, competitiveness, and passion with which he played the game was therapy. Was Beauty. He had such an impact on many people's lives. His competitiveness was off the charts. His work ethic (from what I hear). His skill. He inspired many a person to shout-out "Kobe!" while throwing pieces of trash in garbage cans around the world . His image and legacy lives on in our minds. Love
  3. Hey. I'd like to get some other opinions on this. Recently I got into an argument with my landlady about the heat in my room. I'm also going to move out shortly since they wish to move and the argument happened. One thing led to another and I'm wanting to come clean about my use of psilocybin in the house. It could have decently big lawful consequences. But, thinking about it last night I imagined I had told them, and even gone to prison for 8 years (I don't know, and don't think it's this much, if that's the actual amount required by law) and paid a $2000 fine, and I felt happy, peace of mind, calm. I also, at a basketball game i was watching in person and while contemplating this, felt a surge of love in my heart that drove me to some tears. I realized it was since, if I were to tell them, I would be standing for something other/larger than myself. Truth. That it wasn't about me, that the love I felt was about being honest and being authentic. Not about self-survival and trying to hide and be selfish. Walking around after the game, it was night time, I remember feeling really calm and warm inside. Grounded and peaceful. When I go for walks, I think I've often felt more comfortable in the shade and forests. This time was different. I remember walking towards the forest, but then, right before entering, I decided to stay in the lights and openness of the street. I felt more comfortable feeling exposed. Good. Thanks for any comments. I think I've pretty much made my decision, but there's still some doubts about whether, if I told them, I'd be being irresponsible, negligent, or careless. Unwise, to put it another way. As in, maybe there's some times in life where lying is OK. But, I'm not too sold on that idea in this moment.
  4. In one of Peter Ralston's videos, he discussed how when people lie or be inauthentic, they do it for something, usually, insignificant or petty. Tonight that really helped me summon the courage to confront a person and express my self-esteem and how I felt and what I needed. Basically, to stand up for myself and get what I needed. I managed to express a deep anger that I have been very afraid to show. Remarkably, the anger wasn't what I noticed or felt most, it was a huge surge of vulnerability I've not felt often at all. Anger = Fragility/Vulnerability. I think what had always kept me from standing up for myself was the fear of conflict and of showing my hurt, injustice, etc.. That, if others saw I wasn't pleased with them, they'd see me as bad and perhaps leave me or not let me in on things and not be good to me/take care of me/be good to me. That they'd do something bad to me/attack me or something. I just said "Fuck it this time". Also, I recently watched a video of Brad Pitt saying, in his new movie, he focused on just being raw and honest. And that being more honest is easier when you're older since you just "want to get on with it." I also noticed there were times in the argument (my first real argument ever) where it seemed that I was really calm, and that this calmness was usually when I brought mindfulness to the vulnerable feeling and sort of got "one up" on it, or tried to remain as impartial and fair as possible. Not feeding the vulnerable feeling.
  5. Thanks for the advice.
  6. Thanks Beautiful "When a man asks you to go one mile with him, go with him two." ...the tears are real
  7. @Husseinisdoingfine I like the Shubert! Love the train of thought. Maybe, in terms of Spiral dynamics and music, it's best to think of the value systems of each stage and see if that type of music hits those values. Ex: a stage Blue person would probably like a lot of music from their traditional culture. Maybe a stage Red person from a tribe in Africa would like their tribe's songs about war or sex or something. Whereas a stage Red person from L.A. might like hard, violent, gangster rap. Likewise, a stage Red native Canadian might like hard rap music created by other native americans... Maybe there's also a distinction between Spiral levels, personality types, stereotypes, and cultural norms. EX: When Shubert wrote this music, there was probably a Red/Blue society. Yet Red people probably still thought this music was the shit. Beethoven might've been like the ACDC of the Victorian era. Though, perhaps Red's expression of their enjoyment/unenjoyment of music differed from other stages and were perhaps more egotistical and ideological about their preferences in music. Example: A stage Red person might say something like "NOBODY IS BETTER THAN BEETHOVEN! IF YOU THINK HE IS, I'LL FIGHT YOU!" ...etc. vs. a stage Blue person would maybe be more compassionate about others' opinions within their own culture but criticize music from other cultures... maybe something like that.) If you were a stage Blue person from Italy, you'd probably listen to traditional italian music. If you were a stage Orange person you'd probably be more open to music (probably more modern pop music) from around the world. Maybe a stage Green person would be more into, yeah Lennon and Marley and those spreading the peace and love, but also maybe less mainstream or tribal music. I think the notion that "classical music is intellectual" or "if you're intellectual you like classical music" is stereotypical, and probably a modern invention. Maybe stemming from a cultural fable that says Baroque music is good for your intellect... It might be true, but I don't think there's much science or "fact" behind it. I'm sure there's intellectuals who like violent rap and rappers who enjoy classical (I bet there's even rappers who use classical music in their music). Also, types may come into play. Having said that, I went to a largely Green music festival last summer. Some of the artists had many verses with "Love", "Be here now", "Peace", and the like in their lyrics. Yet, some of the artists were doing rap. So perhaps it's more about the lyrics than the style of music. I dunno... This got a lot more complicated once I started writing and thinking about it Haha
  8. @OmniYoga I think I did it through persistence, mindfulness, and concentrating on bodily sensations. Also, self-inquiry helped I think (sometimes combining mindfulness with self-inquiry). It's like observing bodily sensations till you start seeing them as you'd see other objects in the world (trees, rocks, bushes, pens, etc.). Personally, I've found that sometimes it works better if I try to feel my entire body at once. Other times, while doing self-inquiry, I'll see that I really feel that a certain bodily sensation is me (like my heart, forehead, or facial feelings), so I'll concentrate on it to investigate it. Eventually I'll see that it's not me. Sometimes concentrating on sensations on my back or back of my head helps since I don't have the possibility of visually seeing it, so I know any images I see of it are thoughts (i.e., not it). Thus, the sensation, I find, is easier to see by itself without being attached to any physical thing or belief in a physical thing associated/attached to that sensation... Other factors may play into it as well (mental health, diet, genetics, environment, etc.), I dunno. But Leo just kinda sent me for a loop in what he said before about "imagining you weren't born while staring at a room." I had this idea that enlightenment was just seeing you're not anything (sensations, feelings, sights, sounds, etc.)... but now I'm thinking that's not entirely true... Cuz I've never had an enlightenment experience, even if I've noticed I'm not my bodily sensations. Now he's talking about using the imagination! Haha. I no understand But, I'm going to try on work on it from this new angle now. ...the frustrations are real Haha
  9. Some simple meditative breathing or holotropic breathwork (Leo's video = Shamanic breathwork) might help. What's your favorite thing to do? Maybe simply enjoying something would help for now. Is there anything in your life, perhaps from childhood, that gave you comfort and which you can go back to? An activity, movie, food, it doesn't matter. Maybe you enjoy a spot in nature or with beautiful views and landscapes? Or creating art, playing music, or sports?
  10. Is "detaching" from the body through conscious awareness of it a valid enlightenment technique? I've been having, I think, some success with this type of more body-scan-free-flowing-observing self-inquiry. I've been getting moments of realizing I'm not my bodily sensations, which I've been quite attached to as me in the past. But nothing has really happened other than me watching my bodily sensation as not me. It's like "Ok, the feeling of my head isn't me...now what?" I've also had some instances, subtle instances, of looking at my body parts and getting the sense they aren't me and are just like other objects. I'm wondering, is there another technique/place too look other than the body/bodily sensations? Thoughts perhaps? Would it be helpful to perhaps work on a more belief/thought based approach (i.e., examining thoughts/beliefs and seeing through them)?
  11. I'm not trying to say this is what you're feeling, thinking, or experiencing, but it might help. I think he's been doing consciousness/enlightenment work for most of his life and has a ton of mastery with it.
  12. Alternatively, you could listen to your body and mind more to judge when you should stop reading and take a break and when you should continue reading again. For me, I can, I don't know how frequently, judge when I "should" be doing/not doing something. A feeling of "Yeah...I'm overdoing it/being lazy/etc." will come over me or I'll feel/intuit what I "should" be doing but am procrastinating. Another way is to do 20 minutes reading, 5 minutes off. The source I heard it from said that most/many people's concentration time limit is around 20 minutes. He suggested watching yourself and seeing when you naturally start to become distracted (in class, reading, doing homework, etc.). For me it's often been around the 20 minute mark. Might be worth a shot.
  13. *if you don't want to read the entire thing, scroll to the highlighted sections. They should give an adequate summary. I moved to a bigger city this year for school. I come from a context with predominantly white people, though in grade 11 I moved to a bigger city as well, but I was still around mostly white people (though I did have a black friend). The bigger city I live in has a large mix of different cultures and people. This is the first time I've really noticed racist tendencies and behaviors in me (or they seem to be) I notice I treat, behave, feel, and think towards others not of my race differently, though, I try to be nice, courteous, fair, and tolerant. Mostly through suppression. But these behaviors I notice, are subtly there, as well as shadowy-type stuff I notice in interacting with others from other races. Basically, I notice I'm way more at ease and loving around caucasian people from my own country, and more tense and inauthentic around people of other nationalities, ethnicities, and races. For example, I notice when I'm hanging around people of other races/ethnicities, I have a tension in me which is a familiar tension I've felt when I'm trying to hide something. I notice that, if I allowed myself to be completely authentic, I'd somewhat ignore the other person and treat them in an ignorant and almost diminishing way. Like I'd ignore them and not feel totally present or "with" them. I also notice I feel more anger, frustration, and negative feelings towards people of others races/ethnicities when they do something I dislike. I think I've also noticed that if caucasian Canadian people do similar things, I'm more forgiving and unaffected. I guess I just feel fake, thus tension, around other people of other races/ethnicities/nationalities. I've never noticed this before. I've been around other cultures, ethnicities, and nationalities before, but have never really noticed this. Perhaps I simply wasn't as conscious as I am now. I also realized I was trying to not be racist/prejudice since I didn't want to be seen that way since others may not "be on my side" and give me things I want (hire me, be friends with me, and, I think mostly, a positive social image). I still value fairness though, and wish that everyone be treated fairly... It seems anyways. As far as I've noticed, these racists beliefs/tendencies don't have as much of an impact on fairness for me. I might still feel more negativity in relation to others of different race/cultures, but injustice to me is still something I don't see as "right". But, then again, I might be overlooking something here. I'm also 27. I'm wondering if people have heard of others overcoming racist tendencies/beliefs/identities later in life? In terms of self-survival, I don't want to be a "bad guy". I also wish to not live in fear of having these types of beliefs/identities discovered by others, and would thus like to overcome them. I notice they also cause tension, resistance, and therefore suffering in my life. Do you know any effective ways at overcoming these beliefs? I heard befriending people of other cultures and nationalities may help. Do you think trying to overcome this via selfish reasons (e.g., overcoming personal racism to avoid being judged or not getting things I want, like a job or friends) is worthwhile or even possible? Maybe it's a start. Or maybe it will cause a reactive effect, causing me to become more engrained in these beliefs due to backlash. I also assume that, if I were to befriend people of other cultures, I should probably pick stage orange and above. But, it's funny, I did meet this girl from Iran and we hung out once. I actually enjoyed being with her (it wasn't perfect, but I felt ok about it). But, when texting I often felt agitated. She was like 9 years younger than me. I ended it though. ... I think I'd most like to hear of anyone's personal stories which relate to this. Maybe you've had these types of beliefs and then overcame them somehow. If so, what helped? How did it happen for you? Cheers
  14. I've recently been doing lots to overcome similar fears of my sexuality. I'm gay, but I significantly feared it. I think what worked for me was a gradual process of allowing thoughts or acts to happen. Aclimatization, so to speak. Maybe the next time you have gay thoughts, maybe just try to allow them. Once your comfortable with gay thought, then maybe try masturbating to them (if that's what you like or think you like), then if you've gotten comfortable with that, maybe go to a gay bar and just have a drink and leave, etc., etc., etc., Also, leaving room for exploration may help. Exploration without labeling things as black/white or gay/straight.