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About Matt23

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  • Birthday 06/05/1992

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    Vancouver Island, BC, Canada
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  1. Thanks everybody! I really appreciate your words.
  2. Thanks a bunch. I will definitely try this.
  3. I find I have this reoccurring issue around family. In particular my mom. I find I often feel like she means to put me down and treats me and doesn't give me respect. I felt it very highly tonight at a small family get together. I felt like she didn't acknowledge me or if she did it was in a way that put me down and was meant to make me small. I felt like I was put down and not "welcome" in the group. Like I was lower than them. A big question for me is whether it's actually happening or happening in my mind. I find it very difficult to know. I am also seeking any advice at all since it's becoming a recurring pattern that I find very painful. Thanks for any help.
  4. Something about the idea of going home as always made me feel emotional. That place of peace, love, tranquility, comfort.
  5. I recently read Susanne Cook-Greuter's paper on developmental levels (you can find it on Leo's blog). When describing the higher stages she said one trait they have is that they start to notice that "flaws, vulnerabilities, and the like are a part of being human. She said that reframing one's life story in a more positive light is also a powerful technique. I tried it a couple days ago and I felt a lot better about life in general. What unique skills, perspectives, and knowledge do you now have which came from the experiences you've gone and are going through? How can you make your shortcomings strengths and take advantage of them? What are you "supposed to be learning right now? What are some possible positive outcomes, creations, or discoveries that your current struggles are leading you towards? If you were your highest self looking down upon yourself right now, how do they see you? What advice or guidance would they give you? Love
  6. Yeah could be. In the back of my mind and intuition kept on saying "it could be true" " you don't know if it's not". I felt a battle inside between "common" sense (not veing grounded) and openmindedness. I also noticed fear of being one of those kooks who just believes in miracles and being vulnerable to being manipulated. @okulele what did you enjoy most about the book?
  7. I still haven't finished it (am about 2/3 of the way through). I often wonder why Leo put it on his book list. It seems to me like there's a lot of nonsense in it. It's like every chapter is Paramhansa (the author) telling some story about miracles he's encountered or heard of. Like people levitating, teleporting, knowing the future, and even one guy he encountered who could create any fragrance requested. He also tries to explain these mystical experiences using a mixture of religious, mystical, and scientific language and concepts. But it seems like a pretty big stretch with not a lot of backup to it. I'm struggling to find any benefit from it since it seems to be mostly made up. There are a few bits of wisdom and history that were interesting and noteworthy. But few and far between. Maybe I'm not seeing the inspiration that others see in it. Hard to distinguish what's fact and fiction. I'm interested to hear if anyone has any different opinions (or same too). I'm also still not done so maybe I'll change my mind. Overall: 4.5/10
  8. Thanks all. @Rilles I have a fear that if I own it it might entrench it deeper. I could see how owning it would dissolve any neuroses from trying to suppress the "I'm bad" belief. But the belief and behaviors would still come from that original belief, it seems to me. I could give it a try. Cheers
  9. Hey. I've had this belief that I'm not good enough and bad for most of my life. Over the past few years I think it's been the cause of a lot of emotional and mental turmoil. What are the most lasting and efficient ways youve found to get rid of beliefs? Thanks for any input!
  10. I've been struggling a bit to find my zone of genius after taking the Life Purpose course. I have this conception of having something really specific that I work on each day that I'll master. Like artists paint, race car drivers drive, or writers write. Those all seem to have pretty obvious and practical things to do to train on. Though, I'm feeling suited more to spirituality, psychology, leadership, and mentoring people and find it hard to come up with practical things I can do to build skills daily. I'm also feeling pulled towards being a monk... Struggling with eating and sugar consumption. When I return home I feel like it's so hard to maintain my habits. Though, interestingly, I find it's more easy to meditate and to even feel positively motivated to meditate.... This is one reason why I think being a monk might be a good thing for me.
  11. I haven't really experienced it. I'd like to try a month or multi-month stay in the years to come to see how it goes. Whenever I come back to my home town for a visit and stay with family (where I feel like all my basic needs are met and I feel relatively safe and secure) I have so much more motivation to do meditation and other self-inquiry and spiritual techniques. That makes me think that kind of lifestyle might suit me. At least for a time to gain experience and practice.
  12. Ola! I've been seriously considering becoming a monk for the past 2-3 years. I probably won't do it for life, but I'd like to try it at least for a year or two in my life. I still haven't decided which tradition I'd go to (maybe Zen), but I'd love to hear any stories or advice any Westerner has had in becoming a monk in an Asian country like Japan, Nepal, India, or Sri Lanka (etc.) and the process involved. Would you recommend any monasteries in particular that cater more to Westerners? Would you advise to stay away from any specific monasteries due to any toxic culture within that monastic community? Would you recommend any country for Westerners to study in that are more accommodating than others? Would you recommend any traditions in particular? Thanks for any help!
  13. I guess I want to start a blog to document some of the things I'm going through and experience to try and help me and others find meaning and a deeper connection with life and themselves. I plan on writing anything and everything, but will try and focus more on stuff I come across in my day surrounding spirituality, life purpose, and any difficulties I may be having. As I write this, I feel inspired after reading a passage from a book called The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran. The topic of the chapter is death: "For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?" I cried immediately upon reading this. I think, largely, because tomorrow I'm planning on telling a friend's mom, who I had a crush on, that I had snuck into her room around 5 or 6 years ago and went through her underwear. I'm pretty scared and feel like I'm being exposed. As if, like the quote says, I'm being exposed to the elements and stripped away and am about to jump off a cliff into thin air. Time to smear my self-image with a shit ton of mud and dirt. Fuck it! Here's the rest of the passage which I also found beautifully truthful, simple, and wise. "And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."
  14. It's a smaller book. But packed full of wisdom and written in a poetic and story like way which, I find, makes it very moving and helps penetrate the lessons and wisdom deeper within the soul. Each chapter touches on a different topic ranging from death and children to work and pleasure. In total the book is 96 pages in length, but I think is written so beautifully and with so much wisdom and truth packed into it that it's well worth the read. A great book to have on hand in your bathroom or near the couch for a quick hit of wisdom now and then. I find it really puts me in touch with my higher-self, life, and spirit.