LambdaDelta

He also said that he's done with making promises, but since then made at least 2 promises I can remember that weren't delivered either. A funny meta dynamic. But yes, relatable indeed, I'm guilty of that too. Not at all, in fact forget about Leo altogether, he's just a talking head as far as you're concerned, no different than a news anchor. What I am talking about is the danger of listening to this content for dozens, maybe hundreds of hours, thinking you're developing yourself, but then being unable to apply it in practice. 'We' not as in the ND community, but the Actualized.org community. There are NDs as well as NTs here and everything in-between. Structurally, and even oftentimes content-wise this forum is more similar to Reddit/X than it is different. Can't be helped, Aaron Swartz also had a very different vision for Reddit than how it turned out. Perhaps in the future some major restructuring could take place. The larger issue of society relating to ND I'm not prepared to discuss at present. It can, but doesn't have to. It can also stem from standards you consciously set for yourself, one of which is a healthy balance between self-acceptance/self-forgiveness and ruthless self-improvement through radical responsibility. Careful with holding acceptance as an absolute virtue &or placing the blame on societal discrimination, without nuance it'll turn toxic in the blink of an eye. Had I just blindly accepted myself (the severe ADHD) I'd be rotting in bed catatonically doomscrolling while doing drugs right now (which is how I spent several months of the last year) instead of taking actionable steps to navigate life to the best of my ability. There's neurotic perfectionism, and there's sloppiness; you want neither extreme. The golden mean is an earnest striving for excellence. This old obscure video might be helpful: I did and it makes some good points, but it doesn't apply to my particular case, although I cannot fully deny a minor degree of overlap.

It's taking place right now. Metaphorically, it is to die, but also to live. I had to surrender being a victim to a perceptual malaise that makes me see everything as boring, unless the intensity of experience is literally at warzone meat-grinder levels (looking back, that's pretty much the main reason I got into hardcore spirituality in the first place, as nothing on this Earth was enough to make me feel alive). After a bunch of profound awakenings, despite their immense significance and beauty, it actually worsened my condition for a long time, as I now had a new reference frame for how crazy things could get, but was simply unable to see the same divinity in the mundane. It's still a major struggle, but I've resolved to work with what I got and make the most out of it instead of resigning myself to the impossibility of change and therefore a slow descent into addiction, depression, and unfulfillment, just waiting to serve out my term here (I also know with certainty that I'll live to 72, don't ask how). This entailed killing the self-deception that I don't need or want anything and don't care about wasting away my potential. The fear was twofold there: first the death of my old apathetic identity, as no matter how ugly it is it's still me, and it was at least capable of one final act of selflessness and courage — dying to make room for the greater good; and next is the sickening realization of just how much work lies ahead, which I already semi-consciously knew and desperately wanted to avoid, keeping me in paralysis for so long. But I'll do it nonetheless, if not for myself then for the world. Currently I'm in the process of methodically engineering a new identity based on powerful principles drawn from a variety of sources that will be able to go all the way, or at least till the next milestone. The deadline is set for end of this week, Feb. 1, with the weekend reserved for installing this new kernel into the innermost depths of my consciousness. So, in a sense, this is goodbye, I'll see you all on the other side.

Post it if you like, we all have the guilty pleasure of watching public meltdowns/freakouts. But in the end you'll have to decide what is your highest priority — having fun or getting the message across; there are tricky & delicate ways to do both, but the secondary must necessarily be sacrificed and compromised in service of the primary. And no, I don't think it's justified even if what you say in the next paragraph is the reality of the situation, because I hold myself to certain standards of emotional maturity, which includes maintaining self-control even in (or rather, especially) the face of offense. More fundamentally, your interpretation could simply be wrong. The content of his comment is irrelevant, whether it's factually true or not is not the issue. Consider that people feel justified trolling your posts because they're presented in a way conducive to that. What you perceive as a serious, albeit dishonest argument, in reality is nothing more than a snarky offhand comment (there's also the possibility that what each of you defines as a 'hobby' differs drastically, but there's not enough time in the world to explicate such nuance). Leo has made multiple asinine and vulgar comments on this forum over the years, but what of it? Think of the entirety of Actualized.org as a building — the rooftop is the channel videos and course(s) where you breathe pristine air of philosophy, middle & ground floors are the blog/booklist, and the forum is the basement — a testing ground for new ideas and a platform to connect to like-minded people on the best of days, but usually just a cesspool of spiritual ego clashes, repetitive & trivial platitudes, shitposting, whining and venting about politics or dating or whatever. Even if you start a serious discussion presented in a proper manner, it likely still won't get any significant engagement, while the garbage has dozens of pages, but the quality of posts in such threads will itself be garbage. The truth is that we're not as different from other communities as we like to believe. Didn't Leo say time and time again that humans do not care about truth, that not caring about truth is corruption, and that he's still not above corruption? Connect the dots, there's your answer. I say this while having my own disagreements with the guy, particularly regarding the imprecise and inefficient ways of administering psychedelics he continues to promote (sometimes even using toxic masculine rhetoric) without realizing they really only work so well due to his uniquely sensitive genetics but yield mediocre results for the average person, or his repeated failures to deliver on courses promised (alien awakening, subconscious reprogramming). He doesn't even reply to my posts anymore, which I briefly used to take personally, but it obviously isn't, and even if it were, I don't care; in fact it was a healthy and necessary experience to unburden myself from dependency on approval and attention of someone I look up to. What's the solution? In the former case, I say my piece, lay out the arguments, and move on; whether it's taken under advisement is neither my concern nor responsibility, as I'm not the one wasting my trips/substances, sharing my knowledge is contribution enough. In the latter, I take it upon myself to develop and implement these techniques from scratch, and if the courses finally end up materializing, I'll still take them and find positive synergies that'll create something greater than the sum of its parts. Sovereignty of mind, interpretation, recontextualization, content vs. structure, self-awareness, truthful perception, holistic & strategic thinking — all these core teachings are at play here. Instead of focusing on Leo's inadequacies, which is a distraction, treat it as an opportunity to test how much you actually understand and are able to effectively utilize these principles. Speaking from experience, chances are you're in for a rude awakening, which is why that's the last thing anyone wants to do. Your responsibility is to hold yourself accountable, not him. That's the real work. The standards of integrity and truthfulness you're demanding are so high that this ironically makes them untruthful. And here's the test of your love — are you willing to sacrifice the need to maintain your current incoherent communication style, as a start, in order to practically impart your insights on ND? If not, well, that's just the current extent of it. But it gets worse. This year I'll create the most extensive guide to psychedelics to date, which will require at least 100 hours of work and performing several potentially life-threatening experiments on myself, all the while being fully aware it's quite likely to fall into obscurity or get straight up disallowed because it's "too dangerous" or something. That's how truth and love interrelate in the relative domain — you must clearly see that the vast majority simply won't care no matter what you do, not judging them for it, and yet have faith that just a few will get the message and spread the love in whichever ways they're capable. Which is what Leo has been doing all along, so appreciate and get inspired by it. Well, I suppose you are inspired, but the execution needs a whole lot of adjustment, and that starts with taking a step back and reflecting, not doubling down.

Hallucinations are great. Got a recent-ish excerpt from my notes on that matter below. Also my whole life I've had dreams that show the future, at a rate of maybe 5 a year or so. They're always some insignificant scenes, like a conversation, walking down the street, or browsing a website, but when it happens there's an intense and totally unequivocal sense of deja-vu as I clearly recall already having this exact experience in a dream months or even years ago. It was in fact these dreams that got me thinking that there is more to reality than everyone around seems to believe. Long before ever hearing of spirituality or smoking weed the first time, simply from listening to Datura horror stories as a schoolboy I seriously considered "what if drugs show true reality?". And here we are. Just a tiny example of the paradox of Will; it goes infinitely deeper but people 'willfully' 'avoid' it. On a related tangent, deliriants have big untapped potential for our purposes, the only issue is how physically harmful they are.

And the above meltdown of 5 posts in the span of 3 minutes will help that how? Literally digging your own grave here. People are not going to listen to someone who's clearly not in control of themself, rightfully so. The line between passion and mania is paper-thin. Either change your style significantly or carry on as-is, but then don't be surprised when your ideas are considered trolling at best, or delusional ramblings at worst. Can't have your cake and eat it. It is only possible to deliver a serious truth in an unserious manner to someone who already knows it; contemplate why that is the case. Genuinely wishing you luck.

To clarify my point, I didn't mean anything intentionally malicious like that, the clip was just a meme that came to mind on the spot. An example would be using ADHD as an excuse for failing your classes because "it's simply impossible for me to sit down and focus on studying the exam material like everyone else, you wouldn't understand" — that's one I've used for many years and only recently put a stop to by taking responsibility. Or an addiction-prone person (also something I'm familiar with, runs in the family. I'd call that ND too.) demanding endless second chances and tolerance of their destructive behaviors while refusing to take any degree of accountability and continuing to hurt their loved ones by lying, stealing, or what have you. In both cases, the internal victim-abuser dynamic is intricately intertwined, and none of it is done consciously. From what I hear, Bojack Horseman is a show that depicts this sort of thing very well. I don't disagree whatsoever that rejection and fear are common reactions, it's only natural to want to fit in and whatnot. Just saying that it's a double-edged sword, neither of the two extremes (being completely ignorant of the label &or rejecting it vs. embracing it so fully it's what defines and limits you) are healthy. Balance, as always, is key. It would certainly be a major setback, I'd be left in a state of confusion for a time and then have to develop my understanding from scratch. On the other hand, sometimes wiping the slate clean can be a good thing. Whether it would be so in this case, I don't know. It's a nuanced matter. Yes, I can appreciate that. And the desire to help is admirable. However, looking at some of the responses here and in other threads, a change of delivery style, tone, structure, formatting, etc. would get the message across clearer and therefore serve people better. What the post above mine said. In a world where we communicate through language, even the deepest truths don't count for much without proper articulation.

Be more accurate to say it is important to learn about and can fill in crucial gaps for you that are rarely discussed/explained properly, but 'all problems' is an overstatement (well, gotta clickbait somehow 😉). I'm one of the most neurodivergent motherfuckers out there. Some mix of ADHD, asexuality, psychopathy, autism, and perhaps a touch of schizophrenia in varying proportions. Plus a couple rare genetic mutations having to do with metabolism and the like. Why is accepting ND an issue? It's neither a point of pride nor something to be ashamed of, and whether your 'symptoms' are empowering or debilitating (almost always it's a tradeoff of both), just work with that. Though this isn't the spirituality section, one personal counterexample to your claim is love. Before my first few mystical experiences I had no clue what that thing is. People grieving after terrorist attacks, getting into romantic relationships, friendships, patriotism, protecting the environment, etc., it didn't compute. And no amount of studying autism/psychopathy or whatever ND trait responsible would enable me to feel love. Only an awakening to absolute, existential Love did that, which I now understand deeper than almost any human on the planet. But it's all twistedly interconnected, the reason I could have that awakening in the first place is because I was extremely open to psychedelics due to high risk tolerance and low fear response (from ND), which made even terrifying aspects of Love a cakewalk. However, I wasn't aware of that back then and only recognized in retrospect. Now, my baseline emotional sensitivity is still bottom of the barrel, nothing to be done about that, but at least I've developed high emotional intelligence derived from an understanding of bias, attachment, limitation, fear, anger, and finitude as aspects of existential Love. No other method for such a case. Now, a counterexample to my own counterexample that supports your point is that you can't, for instance, meditate or awaken your way out of ADHD/Schizophrenia. There, medication is required, and the sooner you accept that the better. And yet it's still hairy, as the diagnosis has to be airtight, free of any self-deception, otherwise trouble ensues. I don't have anything against labels as long as they aren't used to play the victim or justify some selfish behaviors. Then it becomes a tool of the devil instead of a way of self-knowing.

True enough, it's very loosely thrown around. I just didn't want to start a separate thread to post my protocol in. Apologies for getting a bit defensive. Dank je wel, same to you. A few minor observations is that Creatine is rather stubborn at dissolving in water, so I'll switch it to tea instead. Glycine water on the other hand is very pleasant to drink. EVOO is also nice, plus here in Spain it's HQ and dirt cheap. I've noticed that almost immediately after downing all my morning supplements I feel a bit odd, like a mix of nausea and anxiety, which passes after 3-5 min tops. It's likely due to the new addition of MSM, should go away soon enough once body adapts. What else, think I fall asleep a good deal quicker on the nights I take Vit C instead of EGCG, guess a dose like that makes one sleepy, but cannot be taking it every day. I can already see improvements in my immune system, in the past when going out in weather like we have now I'd be lucky not to catch a cold, but lately it's been just fine. Get a pill organizer like this if you don't have one already, it's pretty much perfect. Didn't find it particularly effective tbh, perhaps my ADHD is just too bad. What works though is tunes associated to a specific positive experience, like the one played in a TV scene that gave me an idea that started the chain of events leading to buying my apartment. Different ones for each activity of course — one for ingenious planning, another for chill methodical work, the third for working out or getting hyped up before a big event.

And what do you care? Let people run their experiments however they want and either suffer the consequences or reap the benefits. Unsolicited input on every little thing serves no purpose. Besides, I never once called it a nootropic, it's clearly labeled as a stimulant; the real nootropic is how my mind just naturally functions when unburdened by ADHD. Make fun of it if you wish, works for me.

Simplest way is to get the fumarate from the same place as 5MM. If you insist on freebase, find someone in Canada to buy and forward it to you, or purchase directly from a DNM. The markup isn't even that terrible. Where there's a will there's a way.

Sure, that is fine, do what feels right. Though one super potent way to deepen nonduality is through integrating Duality/Multiplicity into it as absolutes. Guaranteed mindfuck. O boy, that's a recipe for disaster. Your molly + SSRIs rodeo should've taught you better. Maybe it didn't cause there were no consequences. Always do research, the info is out there.

For the whole of next week I'll be actively field testing this new routine, taking note of potential corrections/adjustments/improvements. Will report findings by the end of it. Been a long time coming; excessive freedom started poisoning my soul, mind, and body, but enough is enough. The past few days I've been gradually adopting and refining it, as well as gathering all the materials. Might be too early to celebrate, but I really do feel better than ever. We'll see if/when/how effects compound, be that positively or negatively. It hardly needs saying, but don't even think about using amphetamines as outlined here unless you have fairly severe ADHD; that'd be one quick way to ruin one's life. Even those that have it should think not twice, but thrice. No kidding, the protocol has to be much stricter than with psychedelics. I simply reached a point where it's either this, or a slow death from mediocrity and dejection. Eventually I'll switch to pharma dexamph pills that are both more practical to consume and less harmful, but that first requires bootstrapping myself financially, which just happens to be one of my non-negotiable objectives for this year. The next addition I'm considering is taking activated charcoal with the ginger for a full weekly flush, and a quality probiotic later in the day. Though my gut health is already quite good, it'd be interesting nonetheless. @Davino thanks for getting the ball rolling 😘

Vaporizing 3-HO produces toxic byproducts, so indeed you wouldn't. Just because PCP smokes well, doesn't mean a similar molecule does. Chemistry is one of the most dangerous fields to make assumptions in, just something to keep in mind for future reference. Might wanna volumetrically dose the substance since above 8mg is considered a heavy dose, ain't no way this can be measured on a scale. Couldn't tell you how it's objectively superior per se, the duration is longer and it can penetrate into consciousness much deeper, there's really no other way to describe it. Ketamine just doesn't cut it for me, feels lukewarm; it's like with any other tool, there are some jobs it's inadequate for. And who knows, maybe you'll hate the 3-subs. Some people gravitate towards the K side (Ket, DCK, 2F-DCK...), while others like me find them boring. One way to find out. But don't expect the same No-Self type states. Substances like 3-HO-PCP, O-PCE, DPT, 4-AcO-DMT are geared towards utterly alien dimensions of consciousness. If that doesn't suit your tastes or you don't feel ready to handle them, better hold off.

3-HO, not 3-MeO. The latter is actually more stimmy and manic, as are all methyls/methoxys vs. hydroxys inside the 3-sub PCP/PCE analogues group (and PCE is also more unstable than PCP). The stories are true, but it was a different time (just one of the factors to account for is that leaded gasoline was still prevalent, and we all know how that affects aggression and such). PCP was smoked, which is basically disso crack; also weed was often laced with it. And the most extreme shit came from already mentally unwell people, as it always does. Nothing inherently dangerous about PCP itself if handled properly. A potent disso like that can be used to access unique states of consciousness where it's literally possible to rewrite your identity, but that's a topic for another time. It's not, especially not at the 20mg dose inside those pellets. It's only there to provide the amphetamine effects without overstimulation to closer emulate MDMA. The Borax combo is neither better nor safer really, just another marketing trick. Pure MDMA + a decent supplementation protocol is undeniably superior. Trouble is people are so stupid many cannot discern purity and will in fact interpret signs of impurity as purity. So maybe for those a premixed RC pill is preferable, at least that way they can avoid the cuts/synth residuals, but not neurotoxicity. I've made good money selling off my 2-FMA after the ban, it's rather overhyped as a functional stim.

'Rare' is a very relative term. The perception is skewed by a lack of knowledge of what's out there and how to obtain it. Now, not everyone has the inclination or means to be a huge chemistry/neuropharmacology nerd, nor do they need to. To people from shithole countries (by which I just mean the ones with very strict drug laws) even shrooms and MDMA are rare. For Americans, many of the things common here in the EU are a rarity sold at 4-5x premium, but sometimes the opposite is also true (e.g. MDA, NBMOes). These things change over time. MXE used to be widely available, but following the ban it's now so rare and mythical that people will pay hundreds of dollars per gram. And it's possible for the trend to reverse, as seen with the recent resurfacing of MDPV/A-PVP; you never know. A whole lot of dissos and lysergamides are gradually disappearing since their sole producer shut down end of 2024, some are already basically gone for good (DMXE, MXiPr...). Same with everything banned in the Netherlands last summer, except smart people have stockpiled them in advance and are now making bank reselling through darknet markets, but that is only for what was actually popular (6-APB, 2-FMA, NEP...) and will eventually deplete too; many were not deemed desirable enough and so have pretty much quietly died out. Even RC benzos which were a dime a dozen recently disappeared almost overnight, and now suddenly everyone wants some. So, by my standards, 'rare' would not be: something that used to be abundant but disappeared temporarily/permanently for one reason or the other, something nobody ever bothered to put to market or even just synthesize because it's obviously inactive/toxic, pathetic analogues freshly introduced to 'replace' the proper substance they're aping to bypass regulations, something you can't access because you live in a tight jurisdiction and/or cannot obtain through darknet markets or similar channels because you're too ignorant/afraid to use them, something you must extract yourself from a pharma product or a plant, something almost always sold as racemic but only one of the isomers is desired (e.g. s-Ketamine, d-Methamphetamine), something rare-ish but still enough people have tried. Which really only leaves substances that are proven to be active and perhaps extremely potent, but are only available either through analytical standards providers such as LGC or Sigma-Aldrich that will not sell to anyone without a license, or may be ordered as a custom synthesis from a legitimate/clandestine lab, which will cost several thousands at least. From my current list, Salvinorin B ethoxymethyl ether and (+)-MK-801 qualify. Both required impersonating a professional researcher to purchase from the labs and clear customs, not to mention the ridiculous cost (~300$ for 1mg of Sal B). Also, both are around 10x more potent than the next best thing in their class, on paper at least. However, as I learned the hard way, nominal potency isn't everything; sure, they work at even the tiniest doses, but the effects themselves are nothing mindblowing. Certainly not worth all the hassle and money spent, though still an interesting experience to have once. I'd take Salvinorin A and 3-HO-PCP over these two any day. Just cost of doing business in highly experimental research like that. Through it I've been able to narrow down the substances that work best for me and now it's simply a matter of maintaining the supply. You might be surprised how much 'vanilla' stuff ends up on the final list. A "what I've been searching for has been right beside me all along, yet the journey was worth it nonetheless" kind of story.