something_else

Pickup and looksmaxxing are like fashion trends. Skinny jeans, baggy jeans, quiet luxury, streetwear etc. each of these trends have elements that work. But the people who dive headfirst into every new wave and build their entire identity around it don't usually look stylish or cool, they just look like tryhards. The same thing happens in dating. There are useful ideas in trends like pickup and looksmaxxing, but the people who make these frameworks their whole personality usually come off as forced, tryhard, and honestly just a bit soulless and hollow. Women are attracted to men who are comfortable with expressing who they are, who have a palpable coolness/vibe, and who don't really give a fuck what other people think about said vibe.

I mean there are likely more factors, but that’s a large part. Other factors include girls feeling culturally pressured to say they’re in a relationship while guys are not as much, the age range I factor mentioned before, and the fact that self-report studies surrounding dating are notoriously inaccurate and often fraught with bias

This misses the full picture. The situation reverses once you include older men and older women. In general the gap in this age range is explained in part by the fact that many people finally settle down around 28-32 nowadays (right on the boundary) and women tend to date men who are older by a few years. I think in recent times there have been studies showing this gap has lowered as well. Plus, it's very US-centric.

Feminism does not really operate inherently on negatives. The goal is legal and economic equality between genders, this is not a negative framing. In general women have felt distrust towards men since the dawn of humanity, or at least as far back as records show. Men have always raped and abused women at fairly high rates so it's hardly surprising there is an inherent distrust. Feminism just made it more acceptable to voice this distrust publicly. This is a valid point. However if some men feel excluded, the solution isn’t to roll back women’s autonomy. It’s to ask why certain groups of men are struggling to adapt to new economic and social conditions and figure out a solution to that.

The decline in female happiness you’re referencing is primarily observed in US data from the 1970s onward. It’s not a universal global trend. Even within the US, that data shows correlation, not causation. If you’re suggesting that modern feminism is related to declining happiness, the burden is on you to demonstrate that link. A huge number of structural changes occurred over that period, not just modern feminism. The fact that similar feminist movements occurred across Western countries without a comparable decline in women’s happiness weakens the claim of a direct causal relationship. And even if wellbeing were flat or slightly down, that wouldn’t automatically mean legal and social equality was a net negative.

Most liberal systems have flaws, but they’re all generally better than whatever came before. Nobody argues they’re perfect, just an improvement. Yes modern feminism may make some men’s lives harder but it replaced a system that made the vast majority of women’s lives miserable. The goal is to eventually dial on a system that maximises quality of life for everybody relatively equally. The irony is that everything you wrote after this is itself very egotistical. This whole frame story you’re telling yourself is your ego tricking you into believing whatever survival system it thinks benefits it the most. You’ve essentially convinced yourself that anybody who disagrees with you is just trying to test your frame, which is just about the worst possible position to approach any kind of genuine truth-seeking from.

UK, but they exist in almost every decently sized city in the world.

I mean I have more matches than I know what to do with, ultimately it’s about how good your profile is. If you have an excellent profile you can break the rules and you’ll still probably be fine. But it’s very well established that swiping right on everybody is a game of diminishing returns, this can be learnt from a simple google and looking at other people’s experiences where they often end up shadow banned after doing this consistently. Again, if you have a good profile the effects of this are minimised but it will definitely still hurt you. In real life when it comes to dating if you feel like you need to resort to tricks then you’ve already lost. The same applies to dating apps. Just build a solid profile, like the girls you like and don’t like the girls you don’t and the algorithm will work well for you. Getting super highly invested in dating app mechanics will also fuck with your head and your self esteem over time.

I’m almost certain this is not true. For a very long time dating apps have penalised robotically swiping right on everybody. It works for a few days after you create a new account because you have a newbie boost and then after that you’ll start to be penalised heavily for it. You can google this if you don’t believe me

I mean I already do pretty well on tinder with a fairly traditional profile so I don’t really have any motivation to switch it up The main part of that advice I’m skeptical of is “like every woman” as it’s pretty well known that dating apps penalise you for doing this, you’ll end up being shown to less people overall if you just spam like everybody. Not having your face as a main profile picture is also quite high risk. I can see it working in some cases, but having watched a fair few women swipe on dating apps before I expect that this is hurting you more than it’s helping The rest of it seems like pretty solid advice though

I’d be curious to see if this works. A lot of this goes against traditional dating app advice but I do reckon it could work

Built to rent? Like an apartment building that has coworking spaces, a gym, lots of common areas and often puts on social events for residents

Yea, I basically stay in the mature / young professional equivalent of a college dorm now. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. If you can afford it and you struggle to meet people I’d highly recommend it

I would never pay to volunteer beyond basic admin fees like paying the service which links you up with people in need of volunteers. Generally paying to volunteer sounds quite exploitative unless they are offering significant value. I met many people in SE Asia who were volunteering without needing to pay. Typically the setup is you volunteer your time for free and they provide accommodation and food.

I've been in this place before as well, where being sociable feels like work. If you find the right setup you can make it feel natural and fun instead. The two key elements to building a vibrant social life that isn't draining are: Living in close proximity to your social group Meeting 1/2 very sociable people who naturally initiate group activity and bring the group together The two times I've felt most naturally sociable without it feeling like work were when I was: solo backpacking staying in a built-to-rent apartment that organises social events and has a lot of common areas and public space. When backpacking solo you tend to meet a lot of people and end up travelling together, you're often staying in hostels and spending a lot of time together without needing to actively initiate. This is really good for forming deeper connections. Staying in a built-to-rent apartment you end up essentially living in the same building as your friends and this makes social stuff very easy and natural. They also organise a lot of social events which make it easy to meet people and result in you spending a lot of time with the same people. In both cases there were one or two people in the group who would often be the ones initiating stuff because it comes naturally to them and for whatever reason it doesn't drain them.