SQAAD

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Posts posted by SQAAD

  1. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    FIRST OF ALL THIS IS A SERIOUS POST REGARDING A PERSONAL ISSUE OF MINE & I WOULD LIKE ONLY A SERIOUS EXPLANATION/REPLY.

    One year ago i took 2 tabs of LSD late at night. I had the most epic crazy trip of my life. I literally became infinite & began screaming like a maniac. I woke up my  entire family & all the neighbors until later on they called the police/ambulance. I don't remember much of the trip.

    That trip traumatized me though because for some reason i began screaming  to my sister that i want to have sex with her (she is 2 years younger than me). I felt terrible shame aftewards & that shame still hasn't gone completely & my sister to this day hasn't forgotten me.

    It was so traumatizing that the next day after i woke up i denied that this even happened. I was saying to myself "no no this didn't happen, it was a dream"

    Until i had a second trip (this time with shrooms) & the repressed memory alongisde with terrible shame came to the surface and i had to deal with it while crying.

    All i want is to Understand/Comprehend Why did i do this. Consciously i don't have any sexual desire for my sister nor do i fantasize about having sex with her. Is it possible that i have sexual feeling for her in a Subsconscious level that i am not aware of it yet?

    -Thanks.

  2. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @David Hammond

    17 minutes ago, David Hammond said:

    The only way to go about that is to ask an individual directly rather than meta analyzing humanity. Otherwise you can never have a relationship with anyone if you have a pre conceived idea of what they are. Get curious. 

    I have done it. They all said that they made tattos of symbols that mean a lot to them.

    Still though i couldn't penetrate more deeply as to Why they did it...

  3. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Farnaby

    4 hours ago, Farnaby said:

    The only way to learn how to let go of the need to control things and to feel validated is actually to surrender and stop doing the things you do that make you feel like you have some kind of control (ruminating is one of those things).

     

    I do the above you said a LOT & definetely i have to stop it. I try to stop it but it's very very powerful to resist. Sometimes i am succesful at it, other times i give in the ruminations/compulsions...

    Thanks.

  4. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Salvijus

    3 hours ago, Salvijus said:

    See there are two ways. One is you focus on Self-realization and after that purity will follow by itself out of your level of consciousness. Second is you purify, purify, purify yourself to enlightenment. These are the two ways you can approach it. 

    First one is faster but you will suffer all the way from all kinds of neurosis and compulsions cravings and depressions untill you reach some significant states of consciousness, then at this point things will start to fall off from you naturally. Thats why people started to say only if you're enlightened you can be happy. That's not true. 

    There is a another pathway that works directly on removing all the junk you carry with you, if you want, you can be happy, balanced, stable and pure and free from compulsions without even knowing a thing about enlightenment just by following a certain process of purifying yourself. A process of purification includes all kinds of things, like, aultruism, love, devotion, volunteering and also various techniques to transform you, like yoga, and kriya and initiations and many other things can be done to you. 

    Do you have any source you can link so that i can visit & learn an effective form of yoga that will help me with my sexual abstinence/nofap journey? 

     I see many things on the internet that i don't trust (Too many videos/articles).

  5. Posted

    @jbram2002

    9 minutes ago, jbram2002 said:

    Some people may simply be displaying art as well. You might as well ask if art by itself is high or low consciousness. Personally, I am not a fan of tattoos. But imposing that restriction on others would be low consciousness. Try to put yourself in that person's shoes, because you ARE that person.

    I agree & that's why i want to understand why they do it. (tattoos)

  6. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    I never understood why people "make" tattoos  neither i was ever interested making one myself. I like seeing them in other people though if it's a good art work.

    Why do some people feel compelled to have tattos all over their body? What are the mechanics behind this behaviour?

    I don't understand why some people have tattoos all over their body for example.

  7. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Salvijus

    3 hours ago, Salvijus said:

    Self-realization has very little to do with dissolving compulsions. 

    That's why people think that It's almost impossible to come out of it because they dont realize that dissolving karma or compulsions is a different ball game altogether. You need a different understanding and practice to make any progress in this. And It's not hard to do it at all if you know what you're doing and what techniques to use. You can be free from compulsions without self-realization because purification is a different game then self-realization and there are different methods for both. 

    "Now you set up yourself in such a way if you follow your desire you suffer, if you resist, you also suffer. You're in a lose-lose situation here" #sadhguru on what to do about your desires. Highly reccomended for this topic. 

    https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=389731201621819&id=20781959145&fs=0&focus_composer=0

     

     

    What should i Practice then to dissolve the compulsions? 

    Buy Crash course of inner engineering?

    I need something practical.

  10. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @ivory

    46 minutes ago, ivory said:

    Did someone tell you that's what you should do? Are you avoiding rejection? Is it an addiction that's ruining your life? Why deny a core aspect of being human?

    I am not denying/suppresing or avoiding anything. Having sex/masturbating is overrated. It gives you a temporary pleasure & then you want to do it all over again. It never truly satisfies me.

    I just want to transcend it & be able to control it much better so it doesn't run my life.

    Also i want to accomplish 1 year of nofap/no sex because i notice tremendous benefits with semen retention. The positive effects are so big that it's not even funny.

  13. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @Salvijus

    6 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

    That's normal. That's the way it should be. I tried resisting not to ejaculate in my sleep and i got balls pain. Doctor told me unless your body finds a way to release excess sperm it will cause pain. 

    Ok so if i practice nofap for years is it safe & in my "biology" / "normal"? 

    I ask because i am serious about doing at least 1 year nofap/no sex. It's a goal of mine.

    I notice very positive effects when i am on nofap mode.

    Only side effect is i get very horny after few weeks BUT even when i have sex or fap the lust never goes away.

  15. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    10 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

    f this deeper insecurity I was talking about. Of course I could be wrong, so I suggest working on yourself and discovering what is true for you. 

    In my experience, working on my own self-esteem has been the best "tool" to stop ruminating when things don't work out the way I would like them to. 

    @Farnaby How can i work on my self-esteem? 

  17. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    8 minutes ago, Shadowraix said:

    How was your childhood. Is there anything during then that you think could be tied to how you feel now? Maybe not relating to women specifically but perhaps to attention or being wanted in general? 

    A lot of our behaviors stem from our environment growing up. 

    @Shadowraix Well i have been rejected  a lot from women  in the past whenever i tried to make something  happen. Few times i have been succesful but it never worked out in the long run.  

    My childhood was kinda good. But i was never particularly good with women even though some girls wanted me. In highschool i was very shy with women. 

  18. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @flowboy

    35 minutes ago, flowboy said:

    You missed my point there, hah. Why should she be, if she doesn't even fucking know you?

    Until she understands that you are cool, you're just as interesting as a telemarketer or a hobo on the street to her.

    I disagree.  Women decide if they would even sleep with a guy in just  a few seconds before they even get to know the other person. If they find you attractive first then they will bother getting to know you afterwards. With just a glimpse they make that decision and that's why i call it rejection. If she doesn't bother to look at me i take it as a rejection even though it's more complicated than that.

    Maybe i'm wrong but that's my understanding so far..

  20. Posted · Edited by SQAAD

    @flowboy

    31 minutes ago, flowboy said:

    How is that rejection? Without you even talking to her?

     

    I can understand when a girl is interested or not.

    Some girls don't even bother to look at me & have an arrogant look at their face. This annoys me a LOT.

    It's not that i don't get attention from girls But for some reason i obsess over those who don't acknowledge my existence.

    I remember walking to a coffee shop & asked a girl who worked there where is the WC. She replied without even bothering turning her head to look at me. I wanted to kill her.

    I just don't wanna care anymore... It damages me & nobody else.