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About Farnaby

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  1. @rorghee Very interesting question. I can relate a lot and face a similar conflict very often in social situations. I think there is no right or wrong answer and the best is to follow what feels like you're doing progress. You can approach the process of resolving these issues with a compassionate and loving attitude towards yourself. If anxiety arises in social situations it's there for a reason. I don't know you, but usually it goes back to experiences where we felt somehow hurt or scared in social situations and our body can't tell that it happened a long time ago. In that sense, the anxiety can be seen as a way of protecting yourself from reliving the same experience. Even the dissociation has probably served this purpose for a long time. IME fully embracing your fears and accepting these parts leads to the most profound changes, but I find it's also a good idea to challenge yourself and keep doing the things that scare you, because most of the time nothing bad will happen and it will be healing to experience that. Another thing that I find helpful is doing sports where you gradually increase your ability and gain confidence in yourself.
  2. @Aakash The fact that you recognized that knowing something intelectually isn't enough is a huge step. Lots of people seek out psychological help and get frustrated when they notice talking about their problems offers some relief but isn't enough to change deeply engrained habits. This doesn't mean that going to a psychologist is useless. It means, they can't solve for you what you have to fix yourself. However, they can be of great help in this process, especially psychologists who are genuine, present and go deep to help you get in touch with your body. Another crucial aspect IMO is whether the psychologist has him/herself walked some path of deep emotional healing. Why does it not instantly get rid of it ? I think one reason for this is directly related to what I said before: what creates problems in our life stems from habits that we have carried along with us for a long time, creating lots of neuronal paths that are not easy to change. Another important reason is the fact that trauma usually gets stuck in the body. If it didn't "get stuck" it wouldn't be traumatic. It's not the experiences we go through that make them traumatic but how we deal with them and how we're supported in the process of integrating intense experiences. In order to really solve trauma we need to get deeply in touch with all the sensations that got stock in our body. Also, some of our traumatic experiences happened when we hadn't developed language yet so they can't be healed through language or conceptual understanding.
  3. @CreamCat Really interesting topic and those are great points. My question is if such a man exists in reality I mean someone who always, throughout his whole life acts the way you pointed out. Seems a bit idealistic, although I agree it's something to work towards and I may be projecting my own experience regarding myself and the men I've known until now. Maybe we could share some advice on how to become that kind of man. An important aspect of this is risking to be as honest as possible even if we're afraid to.
  4. @Giulio Bevilacqua Hi, I can relate to how you're feeling because I've also experienced doubts, lack of strong emotions, etc., in my relationship, although there's no third person involved in my case. I think it's important to ask yourself deep down if what you found in this other girl is something that you and your girlfriend have somehow lost or got disconnected from and if it can be brought back into the relationship or if it never was there to begin with. This is important, because if it was there but slowly started to fade away, you risk repeating the same pattern if you were to choose the other girl. Another very important part is to talk about how you're feeling with your girlfriend. Honesty goes a long way and sometimes it even brings back the connection that was missing. By doing this, you break the dynamic where you feel like a brother to her and see her as fragile. It's certainly possible that she is indeed fragile to some extent and I understand your fear of hurting her, but it won't be good for her in the long run to always be protected like this and it leads to depolarization and loss of attraction. You can be honest and at the same time be caring and respecting her feelings. She may even be feeling similar emotions. I hope this can be somehow useful @LordFall This sounds like great advice. Could you give some hints that may help recognizing if the problem is due to incompatibility or lack of growth. I know there's no absolute answer to this, but maybe there are some clues?
  5. @Magnifico I think one of our deepest fear is fear of abandonment and it is first experienced when we don't get our needs met as a baby. As a baby you had no time conception so 5 minutes feel like an eternity and when you were hungry for example you felt like you were going to die. Of course if this doesn't happen too often, you don't get traumatized or at least not significantly and later on you learn how to delay gratification. In my opinion, most of our other fears (fear of rejection, fear of failure and even fear of intimacy, because intimacy visceraly reminds us of the possibility to feel abandoned) are deeply related to this basic fear and as you said fear of death is probably the most basic fear of all.
  6. @Commodent Thank you, I'll give the cold showers and breathing a try @Michael569 Thank you! Yes, living in another country probably messed with my inmune system, but after coming back to my home country the allergies are still there and I would say they are getting worse. Leaky gut makes sense because I have digestive issues that aren't related to a specific food as far as I have observed. Sometimes it's melted cheese but other times it's something like an apple or rice which shouldn't have that effect at all. I'll see if I can get tested for this. My allergy doctor tested for parasites in stool and everything was OK, but maybe there are bacteria or other things that shouldn't be there. I'll have a look for those herbs and mushrooms you mentioned
  7. @UDT Women are part of the entire universe and reality. There's no separation so you can't understand the entire universe without understanding them. I know what it feels like to try to understand everything with your mind, but in the end whatever you come up with using your thoughts, are just thought stories. IME it's more useful to have direct experiences with women or anyone/anything else and learn through this direct experience. It's scary, but worth it.
  8. @SQAAD It seems as if you feel ridiculed/attacked by this persons ironic smirk. Not saying that he isn't trying to make you feel bad, but I agree with those who told you you probably feel that some part of you is ridicule and it gets triggered. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've felt that before too and it's related to my own insecurities. Of course when you feel attacked you want to defend yourself, I think it goes back to a primal survival instinct. I would suggest working on your self esteem and giving the parts of yourself that feel vulnerable a lot of love, compassion and understanding. I'm willing to guess that this is something you've felt before and probably in different situations. Maybe someone made fun of you when you were younger and it hurt you a lot and that's why you get triggered. Just my guess based on what you said, you'll have to explore if it resonates with you.
  9. @Commodent Oh Ok, thanks, it makes sense but we will never know for sure. My guess is that there are many contributing factors to allergies and it makes sense that our psychological state has an impact on them since body-mind is just one. I will continue researching this and maybe try out the Wim Hof method, although the idea of exposing myself to extreme cold doesn't sound appealing at all What's your usual routine?
  10. @Commodent Thank you! I think there's definitely a correlation between how I feel and how strong my allergic symptoms are, but there's no way to tell if that's just a subjective perception Could you elaborate a little more about faulty association and how the Wim Hof method could help with this issue? Have you had good results with it?
  11. @arlin We can't decide for you. Based on what you're saying, you will almost certainly be fine and enjoy the high if you have a good relationship with your friend. It can be used for spiritual purposes, but IME that works better alone, without too many distractions. I don't think it will regress your meditation progress. As long as you don't make a habit out of it and use it mindfully without letting it become a crutch, there shouldn't be any interference with meditation. @seeking_brilliance I'm glad I'm not the only one experiencing this. Yeah, you're right, the most important part is practicing when sober. @Nahm Thank you! Yes, I think you're right, it all seems to stem from fear and facing that fear is very useful, although scary sometimes. @Recursoinominado Exactly what I mean It's easy to fall into avoidance of those unpleasant sensations. @kag101 Thanks for your input. Indeed my experience could be delusional, but it seems to work for me. Of course there are risks that should be taken into account when altering our brains. We'll have to agree to disagree on the psychiatrist part. I'm doing well without medication and in my country psychologists are the ones that help you find the root of your problems instead of putting you on meds. Even psychologists tend to be a little close-minded here, so I looked very hard to find a therapy with a holistic approach.
  12. @kag101 Chill dude, I was just speaking from my experience. Don't worry, I take care of my mental health and have learned a lot about myself in therapy. But why should I dismiss the insights I got from other experiences, such as weed highs for example? What makes you think it's BS? Psychedelics are also known for triggering "bad" trips and yet you can learn a lot from a negative experience.
  13. @kag101 While I agree on being extra careful if you're prone to weed induced paranoia , IME if you use it in a setting where you feel safe it can show you the other side of the coin: why you're getting paranoid, which can be used for self-development. I tend to experience some kind of anxiety that can evolve into a panic attack when high, so maybe I'm just a bit massochistic lol, but this has also helped me work on my fears and learn to surrender to altered states of consciousness, although for some strange reason weed seems to trigger my insecurities and hypocondria more so than other psychedelics. Could also be due to more preparation when I've taken psychedelics (last time was 3 years ago, because I have much more respect for them than weed )
  14. Hi! Now that it's spring, my seasonal allergies are through the roof. I've learned to live with them, but the constant nasal congestion, sneezing and sometimes skin hives and a little asthma interfere quite significantly in my life. As a kid I didn't have any allergies, but as a teenager I lived in another country and started getting seasonal allergies. That's also when my insecurities started to be more present. I did a desensitization treatment for a couple of years and that worked quite well but when I moved back to where I live now, the allergies started slowly coming back and I would say they are worse than before. I've noticed my emotional state has a huge effect on my symptoms, as well as smoking weed vs. not smoking it (when I smoke it usually clogs my nose and makes me sneeze sometimes). If I feel ungrounded, tense and insecure, I tend to get much worse symptoms than when I'm relaxed and confident. What I want to ask you is if you think these kind of allergies could mainly be of psychological nature. When I got tested for allergies, there is a physical reaction to almost all allergens they tested me for, but it seems really weird to be so sensitive to something that isn't dangerous at all. I have to add that I have a decent diet (vegetarian), not super healthy but I don't abuse unhealthy food either, and I haven't noticed any difference in terms of allergic symptoms since I'm a vegetarian. My symptoms stayed the same. What I do get is digestive problems and I read they are usually related to allergies. Any help will be greatly appreciated
  15. @MsNobody Thank you! @flowboy Thanks! We will check it out! There's definitely a huge difference when we take things slow and mindfully.