Farnaby

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  1. @flowboy Haha good point. I have a tendency to feel bored easily in general. Then I have moments of passion for life and then I return to this more apathetic state. At least now it takes me less time to get out of that state lol.
  2. @flowboy Haha good point. I have a tendency to feel bored easily in general. Then I have moments of passion for life and then I return to this more apathetic state. At least now it takes me less time to get out of that state lol.
  3. @flowboyYes, I’ve noticed how my passion in general towards life manifests sexually and the other way around. I would say that I’m pretty satisfied with my path in life, although I’m not sure if what I’m doing now will be my purpose my whole life.
  4. @ajasatya I wouldn’t say my sex drive has changed too much, but for some reason when we have sex my monkey mind starts coming up with all sorts of doubts and I feel disconnected. This doesn’t happen every time, but quite often, and it doesn’t last the whole experience. I kind of fluctuate between feeling connected and passionate and disconnecting. In every other aspect I would say we have a great relationship, but when I feel this during sex, I can’t help but question what’s going on. I would say I feel more like a dude than an adult although I’m slowly starting to feel more secure and mature, but when I’m with people over 35 (I’m 27) I have trouble feeling “equal” if you know what I mean.
  5. @ajasatya I see. So if I’m understanding you correctly, the decrease in sexual attraction and passion is a natural course of a long-term relationship and it shouldn’t be interpreted as a signal of falling out of love and that it’s time to end the relationship?
  6. @ajasatya What’s the point of being a couple if the sexual passion gradually decreases? Isn’t it healthier to be friends if that’s the case?
  7. @ajasatya What makes you think that? I have been in a personal development process for quite some time and looking back I’m much more mature, grounded and fall less into old patterns. I think that’s precisely what makes me doubtful, noticing how love is a choice and not something like what the limerance phase feels like. I don’t doubt that I genuinely and usually unconditionally love my girlfriend. I won’t say that I always unconditionally love her, because sometimes my insecurities show up, but I can spot them much faster than before and just trust the Universe (instead of trying to control the outcome) if you know what I mean. What triggers thoughts of doubt is the decrease in attraction and intensity I’ve been feeling. Of course the thoughts of doubt themselves lead me to feel disconnected, worried, guilty, which makes it difficult to spark the passion up again.
  8. @ajasatya I think I’ve actually noticed how love has become a choice and not something that lights up spontaneously in the beginning of a relationship. And this conflicts with a belief I have about how love should come easily without any effort. When I think about it being a choice my mind goes: “well, then you could actually decide to love anyone, there’s no special one then”. That’s probably my ego fighting against this reality.
  9. @loub Thank you very much for your answer! I like long replies 😊 I feel most of what you point to regarding a deep and intimate relationship is present in our relationship. We accept each other, lots of respect, almost never try to control each other, speak honestly about our feelings, etc. You’re right about the importance of telling her about my thoughts of falling out of love. When I first felt this I tried to rationalize it in my head, distract myself with work, gaming and weed, but it was only a temporary fix. So now I have decided to be completely honest with her and I have told her a couple of times when I’m feeling that way. I was afraid she might leave me or start falling out of love too, but it hasn’t happened and even if it may happen, I feel it’s necessary to not hide something as important as this from her. As you say, I often see that the relationship we’re building is actually a pretty healthy one and that this may very well be healthy love and not what romantic relationships are about. However, this thought still appears pretty often and it’s followed by these thoughts: - “Am I fooling myself, trying to convince myself because I’m scared to end the relationship?” - “If I have to work/make an effort to connect with her doesn’t that mean that I’m not in love anymore?” - “Even if romantic relationships are a myth, if I’m so often in doubt, there must be some truth to this thought”. It’s like I don’t know if I should trust my thoughts or not. Of course when they appear in the middle of something intimate, like sex, it gets awkward and I feel disconnected. I’ve actually read the book and found it really interesting, thanks! Thank you for taking your time 😊
  10. Hi everyone! First of all, I’m aware that no one can clear up this doubt for me and I know it is something that I have to explore myself. However, I’ve tried everything I can think of (meditation, self-inquiry, being present to my sensations, etc.) and the doubt still persists. Sometimes I can clearly feel that I’m still in love with my girlfriend and other times I feel kind of empty and confused. I purposely say “in love”, because I don’t doubt that I love her. This thought (“Am I still in love?”) has been “visiting” me from time to time for quite some time. Sometimes, when I’m feeling connected to her it just appears out of the blue, leading to disconnection. I have to add that this has been my longest relationship until now (4 years) and maybe what I’m feeling is normal when the limerance phase is over. Has anyone else experienced this or do you have any suggestion that would help me get a clear answer? Thank you 😊
  11. If there’s some sport you enjoy doing, I would pick that up as a habit. However, these thing are usually more deeply rooted and when our body starts looking better we often find another reason to not accept ourselves. That’s why I suggest working on the insecurities through therapy, meditation and self-inquiry. Welcome the sensations that arise when you see your body, when you think about it, when you compare it, when someone makes a comment related to body image. Whenever this insecurity gets triggered it’s a good opportunity to do this “exercise”. Practice sending love to the part of you that rejects your body image (it is there for a reason) and after that send love to your body. This may feel forced at first and the part that rejects your body will probably get triggered and dismiss that love. So if this happens, get to know this part better and ask how it may actually have protected you. Keep doing it, it will take time and commitment. Ultimately, through self inquiry you can explore experientally who is the I that doesn’t like my body? And don’t forget that it’s normal to feel how you do in a neurotic society. We all have insecurities. Good luck!
  12. @here-now Nice video! The only problem I see is if he really 100% believed what he’s preaching, why eat, why wear clothes or a clock? Also, if all is consciousness how come each persons experience is different? Biologically there are certainly differences, for example between a human being and a mosquito. That’s one example of the limit of one form (the human skin) and the beginning of another form (the mosquito). Of course everything we experience is within our consciousness, but that doesn’t mean there’s no outside world that is needed for us to perceive anything.
  13. @Dylan Page It’s funny you talk about League of Legends because I’ve noticed glimpses of that state while playing since I’m practicing more mindfulness. During those states it’s as if you can go meta and see the bigger picture of the game, predicting which decisions are more likely to be successful. Of course the game is so fast-paced that you would need lots and lots of practice to be able to stay in that state during the whole game. But IME the flow state is something you can definitely tap into and develop.
  14. @Mikael89 From what you write and how you express it, I think you’re holding on to a self sabotating narrative about yourself and rejecting any help that would motivate you to get out of that narrative. That means you don’t feel ready yet to give up those thought stories. I would advise going to psychotherapy to find out what the purpose of this narrative is, because it must have protected you or else you wouldn’t be so attached to it. By rejecting ourselves in our heads, we avoid getting out there and experiencing life where we could be rejected by others (or actually loved by others). My guess is that you have felt deeply rejected, wounded, without having had a healing experience of that trauma, so now you do everything you can to avoid reliving the same thing. That’s why I recommend psychotherapy. Find a therapist you resonate with, who you feel understands you and is compassionate. This will help you let go of past trauma. There are even specific techniques to let go of trauma (Brainspotting, EMDR). PD: I had to move as a kid and teenager too, and I know it sucks and is hard because you have to make new friends being the “new one”. It definitely had an impact on my self-esteem, but you don’t have to let that experience doom you for life. You’ve probably learnt a lot too. I wish you the best!
  15. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always had a pretty open mind and been a skeptic even in regards to scientific claims. Especially when it comes to things like psychology, feelings, health (i.e I think conventional medicine is too limited). What I have trouble with is believing something that no one has been able to prove. You say we can affect matter with our minds. Why can’t you show me some proof of this claim?