Lsd trip report, stuck in presence loop as the self.

[Jowblob]

So i went to sleep and had intestinal pain, decided to take a low dose of 100mg lsd p1. Since i knew being in higher
consciousness/vibration removes all the pain. So i took it and after 1 hour the pain stopped, i decided to go to my bed and sleep little did i know that this was the biggest mistake i would ever make.

So i went to sleep and closed my eyes, i started desconstructing all the reality within god or myself. I saw that as long the self/god is dreaming and making up realities/deconstructing itself it can't escape its own suffering. I saw as  god that the best way to go on about the eternal life is creating a dream and putting your consciousness inside this character. The ego character will literally manifest its own reality in the ego while being manifested, so in the sense we really do have freewill since god is in the ego. The ego reality is being created all around you in the presence (no time), but you don't see it because you believe there is a past and future and that there is time. I saw how everything within the self was just a dream, when i dreamed love and harmony the reality would manifest itself as love and as a big family, when i woke up as the self and decided to take the control the reality would become hellish because god too couldn't understand itself since it can literally imagine everything. God is aware of itself as the only self when it wakes up, and this causes suffering. So you will never truely escape any suffering as long as you're aware. This is also the reason why haidakhan babaji (recent god manifestation) said , idleness make you lifeless "Work is worship" and that hard work is the best spiritual practice. He said this because you can't truely escape suffering unless you distract yourself and have goals no matter where you are. The also most important thing he preached is that he wanted us to be extremely brave. The reason for this is that god realization isn't a joke, the control you get will make you crumble if you are not gonna be brave. You will just want to make yourself small get back to some ego and crave stabillity. Even god isn't aware of it's full potential thats how much power it has.

The reality i was in was stuck in time, 1 minute felt like 20-30 minutes. And sometimes the time even went backwards, so i was stuck in the presence what felt like for eternity. I went outside and saw how reality is being created all around you by you, i only saw ravens and it looked like they didn't have any soul or were already dead. They were just a loop playing around you, constantly doing the same motion in flight and walk.

Then i went inside my house again, i knew since i don't see any people or people driving cars that what is left is the ego self only. In this higher consciousness state thoughts were literally manifesting reality, i looked into the mirror and saw how my face changed to the faces of hundreds of different people. I also knew that because i'm in this high vibratory state that the earth/reality is gonna look more heavenly as the reality is your own projection of your own consciousness and how much love you contain within yourself. I looked out of 2 different windows from my house like 100x, and each time i looked out of 1 window the reality looked more heavenly even though it wasn't how it actually was. The neighbors house for example, looked more realistic/beautiful and in this manifestation their window was open and they had a white teddybear hanging out. It was also more sunny and all colors/reality looking more beautiful.

I was stuck for like 20 hours in the same god state and there wasn't any indication of it losing it's power after 10hr the trip usually stops specially on a low dose like this, the 20 hours felt like couple of days. Since the time barely moves, you're in the presence only. I started panicking and started to do ego things to lower my vibration/consciousness to get to the state where are "others" . I did the dishes, took cold showers, exercised, did push ups but it was all pointless i had infinite energy and it didn't do much. I thought i was stuck in this new reality forever and couldn't accept it and wanted to get back to my ego since i still wanted to do alot of things.  I went to bed again and closed my eyes and was the self again and started to forget the ego, this is how the ego dies (god just forgets about it). But i tried to hold on with all my might on my ego since i didn't want to go. Then i decided to look out of the windows again, and will all my might i tried to lower my consciousness so i could see other people. I manifested people and they started to appear, i could make them walk slow/fast or dissapear. I decided that this is the chance to go outside hoping i would hear sounds and and see people.

While walking to my parents house i noticed how i didnt need to squint my eyes anymore against this bright sun, it's like it didnt affect my eyes and i could finally see fully. I went to my parents house and it looked like that i was never born, they were just ego loops designed to take care of me. I begged for help to anchor me to their reality, i got a small glass of milk and when i started drinking this milk with big sips it had infinite amount of milk and would never go empty even though it was only like 100ml same with the peach juice, when i drank it was still on the same amount/level. This really freaked me out, and i asked for help again to do ego things. I got many valerian pills from my mom against anxiety and try to lose this form of god mode. Eventually we went outside to a small forest nearby, reality looked more beautiful and realistic and i had this infinite walk energy. I saw 1 wild duck near a creek and felt that i could come nearby since i'm in high consciousness state and knew that thought manifested my reality. I got some wild berries nearby and it came to my hand and ate them from my hand, i felt like this duck could understand what i was saying to it. When i said for example 1 time that it was beautiful it wiggled it's tail and bowed to me as a thank you. Then i started walking home with my mom, and it looked like i started to lose this form of a god state. It started to look more like schizophrenia state, all the sounds were out of place and played randomly around me. ( in the god state before i saw that sounds are just illusions around you that manifest to create reality around you no matter where you go). We got back home and i drank alot more valerian pills and other pills to decrease anxiety and lose this schizophrenia consciousness state. After 2x sleeping i got back to normal.

I probably missed alot of stuff but the most important things to know are:

Suffering is the way for realization of god.
Reality is projection being manifested in the presence of your own consciousness/being state.
God is infinite deception, there is nothing outside of you.
Accepting change and yourself is the most important thing.
Braveness/preparation for god realization/omniscience

*I also decided to throw away all the drugs , lsd/mdma/5 meo malt/ 5 meo dmt. I'm done with this.

@r0ckyreed  @Soul Flight

@Someone here
@integral

@r0ckyreed
@Sidra khan
@Buck Edwards          
 

Edited August 21, 2023 by Jowblob

[integral]

??Welcome back to the ego

Edited August 21, 2023 by integral

[bensenbiz]

So wait, I am good without god realization? ? I can just have fun?

 

I am glad you are in a good mental state again, seriously that‘s some scary stuff. I felt similiar on my first mushrooms trip, thats where I thought: life is an escape from psychedelics not vice versa. 
 

much love

[bensenbiz]

2 hours ago, Jowblob said:

So i went to sleep and had intestinal pain, decided to take a low dose of 100mg lsd p1. Since i knew being in higher
consciousness/vibration removes all the pain. So i took it and after 1 hour the pain stopped, i decided to go to my bed and sleep little did i know that this was the biggest mistake i would ever make.

So i went to sleep and closed my eyes, i started desconstructing all the reality within god or myself. I saw that as long the self/god is dreaming and making up realities/deconstructing itself it can't escape its own suffering. I saw as  god that the best way to go on about the eternal life is creating a dream and putting your consciousness inside this character. The ego character will literally manifest its own reality in the ego while being manifested, so in the sense we really do have freewill since god is in the ego. The ego reality is being created all around you in the presence (no time), but you don't see it because you believe there is a past and future and that there is time. I saw how everything within the self was just a dream, when i dreamed love and harmony the reality would manifest itself as love and as a big family, when i woke up as the self and decided to take the control the reality would become hellish because god too couldn't understand itself since it can literally imagine everything. God is aware of itself as the only self when it wakes up, and this causes suffering. So you will never truely escape any suffering as long as you're aware. This is also the reason why haidakhan babaji (recent god manifestation) said , idleness make you lifeless "Work is worship" and that hard work is the best spiritual practice. He said this because you can't truely escape suffering unless you distract yourself and have goals no matter where you are. The also most important thing he preached is that he wanted us to be extremely brave. The reason for this is that god realization isn't a joke, the control you get will make you crumble if you are not gonna be brave. You will just want to make yourself small get back to some ego and crave stabillity. Even god isn't aware of it's full potential thats how much power it has.

The reality i was in was stuck in time, 1 minute felt like 20-30 minutes. And sometimes the time even went backwards, so i was stuck in the presence what felt like for eternity. I went outside and saw how reality is being created all around you by you, i only saw ravens and it looked like they didn't have any soul or were already dead. They were just a loop playing around you, constantly doing the same motion in flight and walk.

Then i went inside my house again, i knew since i don't see any people or people driving cars that what is left is the ego self only. In this higher consciousness state thoughts were literally manifesting reality, i looked into the mirror and saw how my face changed to the faces of hundreds of different people. I also knew that because i'm in this high vibratory state that the earth/reality is gonna look more heavenly as the reality is your own projection of your own consciousness and how much love you contain within yourself. I looked out of 2 different windows from my house like 100x, and each time i looked out of 1 window the reality looked more heavenly even though it wasn't how it actually was. The neighbors house for example, looked more realistic/beautiful and in this manifestation their window was open and they had a white teddybear hanging out. It was also more sunny and all colors/reality looking more beautiful.

I was stuck for like 20 hours in the same god state and there wasn't any indication of it losing it's power after 10hr the trip usually stops specially on a low dose like this, the 20 hours felt like couple of days. Since the time barely moves, you're in the presence only. I started panicking and started to do ego things to lower my vibration/consciousness to get to the state where are "others" . I did the dishes, took cold showers, exercised, did push ups but it was all pointless i had infinite energy and it didn't do much. I thought i was stuck in this new reality forever and couldn't accept it and wanted to get back to my ego since i still wanted to do alot of things.  I went to bed again and closed my eyes and was the self again and started to forget the ego, this is how the ego dies (god just forgets about it). But i tried to hold on with all my might on my ego since i didn't want to go. Then i decided to look out of the windows again, and will all my might i tried to lower my consciousness so i could see other people. I manifested people and they started to appear, i could make them walk slow/fast or dissapear. I decided that this is the chance to go outside hoping i would hear sounds and and see people.

While walking to my parents house i noticed how i didnt need to squint my eyes anymore against this bright sun, it's like it didnt affect my eyes and i could finally see fully. I went to my parents house and it looked like that i was never born, they were just ego loops designed to take care of me. I begged for help to anchor me to their reality, i got a small glass of milk and when i started drinking this milk with big sips it had infinite amount of milk and would never go empty even though it was only like 100ml same with the peach juice, when i drank it was still on the same amount/level. This really freaked me out, and i asked for help again to do ego things. I got many valerian pills from my mom against anxiety and try to lose this form of god mode. Eventually we went outside to a small forest nearby, reality looked more beautiful and realistic and i had this infinite walk energy. I saw 1 wild duck near a creek and felt that i could come nearby since i'm in high consciousness state and knew that thought manifested my reality. I got some wild berries nearby and it came to my hand and ate them from my hand, i felt like this duck could understand what i was saying to it. When i said for example 1 time that it was beautiful it wiggled it's tail and bowed to me as a thank you. Then i started walking home with my mom, and it looked like i started to lose this form of a god state. It started to look more like schizophrenia state, all the sounds were out of place and played randomly around me. ( in the god state before i saw that sounds are just illusions around you that manifest to create reality around you no matter where you go). We got back home and i drank alot more valerian pills and other pills to decrease anxiety and lose this schizophrenia consciousness state. After 2x sleeping i got back to normal.

I probably missed alot of stuff but the most important things to know are:

Suffering is the way for realization of god.
Reality is projection being manifested in the presence of your own consciousness/being state.
God is infinite deception, there is nothing outside of you.
Accepting change and yourself is the most important thing.
Braveness/preparation for god realization/omniscience

*I also decided to throw away all the drugs , lsd/mdma/5 meo malt/ 5 meo dmt. I'm done with this.

@r0ckyreed  @Soul Flight

@Someone here
@integral

@r0ckyreed
@Sidra khan
@Buck Edwards          
 

Do you think it just felt so horrible cause there were still a bit ego left all the time? 

[Jowblob]

1 hour ago, bensenbiz said:

Do you think it just felt so horrible cause there were still a bit ego left all the time? 

The thing is, ego is also god. It's you as god choosing to have this conscious experience. God realization or a form of it is nothing more then a remembrance, this remembrance and forgetting gives you a new reality. The so called death is nothing more then a reality change, and if you're not careful you can be stuck in hell all alone or in another form of reality all alone by yourself this is what gods freewill is. Even god doesn't know itself fully since the creation and freewill is limitless, you as god don't want any control you just want love and being taken care of that's why you're already in the so called heaven as an ego where are others.

 

The scary thing is also, that in god realization or form of it you also start judging yourself as you become aware why it has to be this way and why you didn't love others more.  You also become aware of many lies/deceptions that you put on yourself, in 2 last lsd trip that were 3-4 months apart. I opened a live video on youtube, and in these both videos i saw the same comment or word in the latest comment post "lies" .

Edited August 21, 2023 by Jowblob

[Buck Edwards]

Thank you. God bless! 

[Carl-Richard]

Interesting. Your bad trip might be due to your intestinal issues influencing the gut-brain axis (and also sleep deprivation). Why did you expect to sleep on a psychedelic?  (especially LSD analogues which are dopaminergic).

[Jowblob]

Those truths from Ananda are the scary part that i have witnessed myself during the trip.
___________________________________________________________________________________
1.)Without loving yourself and accepting yourself fully as god, means accepting all the violence/crimes/drug addicts/rape/hell/deceptions/lies etc. you will be in judgement of yourself. When there is judgement and you don't fully accept yourself the reality of yourself and what is within you won't be in constant harmony and love and even as god you will suffer. Having the powers of god is too great of a responsebility, and you would rather not have any control but give it to someone else which is not fully possible.

2.) There is no death but only reality change, if you can't accept yourself as fully eternal you will be stuck in these endless ego dreams and experience suffering and seeking. forever

 

Edited August 21, 2023 by Jowblob

[bensenbiz]

2 hours ago, Jowblob said:

and if you're not careful you can be stuck in hell all alone or in another form of reality all alone by yourself this is what gods freewill is.

How to be careful about it? by loving yourself and accepting yourself fully as god?

Also: how did this experience change your minds towards spirituality?
How are you going to integrate these new insights?

Thanks,..your experiences are helping me a lot.
 

[Jowblob]

16 hours ago, bensenbiz said:

How to be careful about it? by loving yourself and accepting yourself fully as god?

Also: how did this experience change your minds towards spirituality?
How are you going to integrate these new insights?

Thanks,..your experiences are helping me a lot.
 

@bensenbiz Yes you have to love yourself, the more you truly love yourself the better reality you will create all around you. Your own awakening and love shapes/creates the world all around you. The thing is, it's extremely hard to truly love yourself because that means you have to accept everything that you see/now including insanity. You have to love insanity if you ever got put into it, that is true god realization. The problem with god is, no one is brave enough to handle all the things at once, and if there is "one" that can handle it will be for a short duration until the control is lost that is why nobody is ever in control. Control or being god is too big of a responsibility

 

It made me realize that the only thing is to accept and try to love yourself as much as possible, which isn't easy to do and it will get harder the more conscious you start becoming. I'm just gonna stop with all the drugs and try to live my life a bit better, travel more and so on.

[Princess Arabia]

Wow

[Osaid]

On 8/21/2023 at 8:46 AM, Jowblob said:

So you will never truely escape any suffering as long as you're aware.

I perfectly understand what hell is now. Believing this statement is hell. This statement right here is literally what hell is. It's not some guy torturing you with pitchforks, it's literally just something that you think about and believe. Someone who believes Santa is gonna come down their chimney is gonna behave as if it is true, same goes for any statements like this that your mind adopts, so you will act as if it is true even if it isn't.

[Bazooka Jesus]

On 21.8.2023 at 4:46 PM, Jowblob said:

*I also decided to throw away all the drugs , lsd/mdma/5 meo malt/ 5 meo dmt. I'm done with this.

???????????????????????

This right here is the most sensible and constructive utterance that I've read from you in quite a while. Attaboy. ?

[Osaid]

3 minutes ago, Bazooka Jesus said:

???????????????????????

This right here is the most sensible and constructive utterance that I've read from you in quite a while. Attaboy. ?

Lol yeah seriously

[Jowblob]

4 hours ago, Vibes said:

@Jowblob  I discovered that even suicide is a trick, an imaginary line of fear. BUT while 'dead' there is no fear. The main question of my life is what is death, and I've seen that I am Mind and the body is inside of me, and when I become Mind that is the moment of death. But I didn't go further than that.

Have you experienced what happens to forms after 'death'? I feel like it will all morph and change just like in a dream when I am awake witnessing. But what determines the direction of the morphing?

From here we could easily spiral into holykael's dark hole and live miserably worrying about possible incarnations and all... 

@Vibes 1.Death is just a change in consciousness, you letting go of the body/killing yourself is you suffering and surrendering to god fully. After that you become god and forget who you were, because you didn't accept/love yourself you will incarnate your consciousness from god mode to physical reality that you make up. You can't stay as god as this is too great of a responsibility and only full acceptance and love of yourself for eternity will allow you to stay as god forever. From god mode you just have to imagine a reality, for example: You imagine that you're on a planet and you're from an advanced alien civilization that's is basically all. When you imagine yourself into this character, everything from there will be constructed in the presence on the go around you.

2. Another possibility is that after you suicide/kill yourself, you can be stuck as brains or another form of consciousness in the same reality. Because you didn't die let go of your body naturally you can be stuck in the same reality as a form of consciousness, this is what free will is. God realization is the deconstruction of the reality/evolving beyond yourself, so if you as ego/dream character don't know much after reincarnation the reality might become what you believed in. Gods free will is a scary thing. But i think it's most likely the 1st possebility

 

32 minutes ago, Osaid said:

I perfectly understand what hell is now. Believing this statement is hell. This statement right here is literally what hell is. It's not some guy torturing you with pitchforks, it's literally just something that you think about and believe. Someone who believes Santa is gonna come down their chimney is gonna behave as if it is true, same goes for any statements like this that your mind adopts, so you will act as if it is true even if it isn't.

@OsaidIt is only hell if you can't fully accept yourself as god, this means accepting insanity and everything that is inside of you it also means letting go of everything. It also means accepting all the control and freedom you get, which is huge. Being god is such a big responsibility that there is nobody to take it. 

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Jowblob said:

Another possibility is that after you suicide/kill yourself, you can be stuck as brains or another form of consciousness in the same reality. Because you didn't die let go of your body naturally you can be stuck in the same reality as a form of consciousness

How do you die naturally, except for old age or in your sleep. If you get run over by a bus and it kills you, is that dying naturally VS you stepping in front of the bus on purpose?

[Jowblob]

7 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

How do you die naturally, except for old age or in your sleep. If you get run over by a bus and it kills you, is that dying naturally VS you stepping in front of the bus on purpose?

Nobody dies, people that get ran over by bus and so on are just your constructs, there is only 1 that changes its form and consciousness and it is eternal in you. You dying naturally is you becoming enough realized to forget about your body/who you are, stepping in front of the bus is you not loving yourself enough/accepting yourself enough / creating hellish reality for yourself which is a dangerous thing since freewill and non acceptance of yourself is not a joke. There is a reason why you wake up in this world with 0 remembrance, there is a reason why all the guru's lead you to the path of realization , there is a reason all the gurus tell you to love god and so on. To love god/yourself is to fully accept yourself, the more you love yourself/accept yourself all the lies/deceptions/insanity and so on the better your reality becomes.

 

Reincarnation= you didn't accept/love yourself for eternity, loving yourself is the hardest thing since you literally have to accept everything the good and the bad, insanity and so on

Edited August 22, 2023 by Jowblob

[Soul Flight]

Thanks for the update. I was thinking about you. Glad you sobered up.

What have the last few weeks been like? Substance use? Eating? Sleeping? What led to this event? Did you mostly just need 12 hours to sober up from the LSD? I was worried you might need hospitalization for mild psychosis.

I'm glad you tossed your stash. Maybe use more moderately in the future. Maybe once a month or less. Eat healthy, sleep, drink water, etc.

I had similar insights as yourself. I saw God as suffering because he/she is lonely and is the only awareness and is desperate to find another other to talk to and to love and to have a friend. I even speculate our human compulsion to search for aliens is a metaphor for God searching for other life forms. We are alone in the universe just like God is alone at the macrocosm level. But maybe I am projecting my loneliness onto God. I see Krishna creating Radha to love himself/herself as an archetype of this concept. I also had intuitions that God has gone a little nuts being alone all the time.

Be well. Be safe. Thanks for the insights.

[HMD]

@Jowblob I have had a similar experience. For me, the most striking thing was how unloving I was (Even though I believed I was a nice guy). But it became painfully obvious to me how unloving I have been toward Myself (including all others). After that experience I was kinda forced to be more loving, compassionate, and inclusive. 

And I also wanted to lower my state of consiousness by doing ego-things. However, I refused to do most of them and stayed in that state for around two months straight (to varying degrees). But eventually, I decided that it was too much and came back down to my normal state by indulging in various ego stuff and socializing a lot, or in simpler terms, by distracting myself. 

Best of luck with whatever comes next, stay strong!

[Jowblob]

8 hours ago, HMD said:

@Jowblob I have had a similar experience. For me, the most striking thing was how unloving I was (Even though I believed I was a nice guy). But it became painfully obvious to me how unloving I have been toward Myself (including all others). After that experience I was kinda forced to be more loving, compassionate, and inclusive. 

And I also wanted to lower my state of consiousness by doing ego-things. However, I refused to do most of them and stayed in that state for around two months straight (to varying degrees). But eventually, I decided that it was too much and came back down to my normal state by indulging in various ego stuff and socializing a lot, or in simpler terms, by distracting myself. 

Best of luck with whatever comes next, stay strong!

@HMDFrom what i have seen, your thoughts/being literally manifest your own reality in the present moment that you can't see. I literally used my own thoughts/being to test this, by morphing my facial appearance to different faces, by using bad/good thoughts to morph reality to perfect and less perfect state. What was really obvious is that the more loving you are, the more acceptance you have for what you witness in the kingdom of god the better your reality will be. But this is all easier said then done, because god is literally insanity.