Meditation really fucked up my brain

[Ninja_pig]

Okay I found this post on another forum. I am wondering if anyone knows what is going on here and why this person might be feeling these things? How can you practice meditation in a way that avoids some of these adverse effects?

Meditation is advertised everywhere as this overly benefitial tool, which will increase your focus, reduce stress, improve memory, relieve feelings of depression and so on.

Having issues with all these thingd (as does everyone to a degree) I decided to give meditation a shot.

It was maybe a year ago when I downloaded my first meditation app, it was headspace. The app seemed promising and I did the introductory guided meditations.

In the first couple sessions I could really see the benefits, my brain went from 30 to 60 FPS and my mind felt declutered. I felt present and in touch with reality in a really positive way.

Due to curiousity and lack of discipline I dabbled in many apps. And this has led to my unfortunate discovery of Sam Harris's app Waking Up.

At the time the app had an introductory course in which you would gradually learn new techniques each day. Things like different breathing patterns, focusing on body sensations, focusing on sounds and so on.

While utilizing these techniques I started to develop some weird sensations. I could permanently feel the sensations of clothes on my body, I sometimes felt compusled to just swallow consciously. I started being involuntary focusing on actions that are performed automatically like walking, picking up items and so on. My movements started feeling unnatural.

The worst thing that came out of it was when I got to the sections which make you contemplate on questions like, "who is the one who is thinking", "what is the source your consciousness" and so on.

These questions have made me feel like my brain is melting or going to explode. If I got really focused on trying to understand those questions, my head would start to move involuntary. I started to get feelings of existential dread, I felt that nothing in existence has substance. I felt like everything is a made up construct and has no intrinsic meaning. I became a spectator of life and I was no longer living.

It's been a while since then, but I am still struggling. When I am in the moment having fun I will feel completely normal. But when there is nothing to distract my mind I return to my new baseline of feeling like an empty fucking shell.

There are definitely other factors which could have influenced my state, but I still belive that meditation had significant impact.

All in all I am convinced of the power of meditation and I hold no negative bias. However, I believe a lot of people who are teaching meditation don't really understand all depth, nuance and implications of this practice. I think it should be approached with more care rather than being advertised as this risk free cure-all blanket solution.

[BlueOak]

Great news!

1) You've developed body awareness.
2) Your created identity is receiving some space to breathe.

If you don't want to feel empty, meditate on something. Meditate to feel full, on a feeling or sensations, the wind or the warmth of the sun :D. Go into the sensation you are feeling somewhere etc. Like if you feel full across your forehead/temple, move into that. How you might ask, meditate on it.

The questions are primers. Getting the mind to quiet long enough for you to notice. Like a good yoga routine, refreshing exercise or calming music.

Edited May 5, 2022 by BlueOak

[Grateful Dead]

This person is becoming more conscious and the effects he describes are quite normal... if you don't want to become more conscious then don't meditate.

Meditation is no magic pill, there is a lot of shit to overcome and that means you gonna struggle. However, I do agree that it's sometimes advertised as that risk-free, cure-all blanket solution and that can be dangerous, especially if you're not serious about it.

[RMQualtrough]

It's so boring. Put on the telly. Nomsayin'?

[Ulax]

Hey @Ninja_pig,

I align my thought with the internal family system therapy approach.

If meditation is helpful for you, then go for it.

However, if not, I'd guess that, when you meditate, it would be that there is an exiled part(s) of you, in your psyche, that is triggered. Consequently, said part is perceived of as more vulnerable by other parts of your psyche. Hence, it could be that others parts get triggered into suicidality (a way that other parts protect exiled parts).

I'd personally advise going through the 'Greater than the sum of our parts' audiobook by Richard Schwartz.

Here's an intro to IFS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X45Y74blSg

However, godspeed to you re whatever you decide to do.

Edited May 5, 2022 by Ulax

[Kksd74628]

@Ninja_pig

You are evolving! Just keep practicing, my friend .

Remember that the path includes both up- and downhills and the other comes always after the another one.

-joNi-

[ZenAlex]

I can relate to what you're saying, but sometimes you've got to work through these obstacles.

Coming more into the present moment can lead to existential crises but as you get used it and learn to deal with the higher level of awareness, you can simply learn to live differently and be happy.

[Kalki Avatar]

@Ninja_pig It happened to me aswell. You dispell some illusions, then the mind creates negative beliefs out the emptiness of those as if reality is lacking. Thats the trick. But you have to go beyond. Dont just dispell illusions. You have to simultaneiusly ground yourself in presence. The IAM. Other wise you will be floating in the chaos of your mind karma. Which feels like hell. Dont do much spirituality if you are not going all in. Right now im used to pain. The moment is coming soon when I will drop all and trade my false I for the True "I".

Remember that as you drop beliefs that ground you, you might also need some new positive beliefs for specific things/situations. Dont just donate. God wants to trade with you. 

Also, true meditation makes you very passive and its risky if you have many responsabilities. Unless you are rich with nothing else to do. I prefer Self-Inquiry, Neti-Neti and Psychedelics. 

Edited May 5, 2022 by Kalki Avatar

[Asayake]

The sensation of clothes on the body for example, is a sign of increased body awareness as others have stated here. It is not something negative but it's the fact that the persons mind is judging it to be bad because of not being used to that feeling that it becomes a problem. With time such things, like tingling sensation in third eye chakra, increased awareness of heart beating, sensations of clothes sticking to skin etc. turns into places you can go within yourself for peace and clarity.

Edited May 5, 2022 by Asayake

[kieranperez]

Actualized morons: “bUuUuuT yoOoOU DOoN’T HaAaVE A bRaiIN!!!”

[mrPixel]

@Ninja_pig Everything you described is normal. The only solution is to keep going. Note that once you tread on this path it can be destructive. Make sure you keep your life in order and take care of it. Don't be afraid to reach out to a therapist or work with an experienced spiritual teacher. They can help you navigate this complex terrain.

[Rokazulu]

Some people are allergic to carrots.

 

[StarStruck]

How long is your meditation sesh?

[Roy]

18 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

It's so boring. Put on the telly. Nomsayin'?

You reminded me of the funniest thing ever. Did you get that from this?