What's Your Attachment Style?

[Myagooshki]

Disorganized Fearful Avoidant. I think we should all be posting our charts too, so we all can see the nuances. I've known about these attachment styles for years and not really known much practical steps to take to implement increasing fortification in a quadrant that I desire from it.

[Thunder Kiss]

Disorganised/fearful avoidant.  I’ve actually come a long way, I used to be highly anxious when I learned about attachment types years ago.  I swung from being anxious to being avoidant - probably as a coping mechanism. 
I still have anxiety in some areas, and am working on being less avoidant and facing things, opening up etc. 

i’m close with my mam but totally disconnected from my dad.  I got the anxiety from my mother and the avoidance from my dad.  
In my current relationship i’m mostly secure, with some fear of intimacy.(avoidance)

[Loba]

https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-result/?token=b6922f6e474b5353f5b8ad8647200009

Disorganized /
Fearful-Avoidant

[Preety_India]

This test is very misleading and should not be used. Because attachment styles with romantic partners can differ drastically from attachment styles with parents, both relationships governed by very different factors and they put both relationships as well as relationships with other people in the same box. 

Many people are very secure with their romantic partners yet not at all comfortable with their neighbors. 

I have done such tests before, but only in the context of romantic solely and it would show up as secure. 

Whereas this test shows my result as Anxious. But I suffer social anxiety, a psychological disorder, so it's obviously going to show up as Anxious. Yet I'm completely secure and display zero anxiety in personal relationships. In fact, so much so that my anxiety with outside people gets overcompensated by my complete lack of anxiety and feeling of extra  protection within a relationship, it serves as a buffer. 

 

 

@Marcel hun could you please take the test as well. 

 

 

Stupid test in my opinion if you're looking for romantic attachment style. 

 

Edited January 4, 2022 by Preety_India

[Thought Art]

Quote from the book The Tao Of Fully Feeling

 

Edited January 4, 2022 by Thought Art

[Preety_India]

@Thought Art not necessarily. It's case by case. For some people their personal relationships can be very beautiful yet their relationship with their parent could be very shitty 

I have seen a boat load of couples like that. They're very happy but they avoid their parents like the plague. 

 

[Thought Art]

@Preety_India Don't expect universal truths in social sciences. But, be open to both finding it, and seeing it not there. The world is full of nuances. 

How my parents treated me and each other has made intimacy very challenging and I know this to be true for many people. Reading psychologists like David Richo, Authors like Robert Greene and listening and reading many other psyhologists and social scientists show this is a very real problem in our culture. 

Intimacy and relationships is a deep skill and emotional mastery. If your parents are dysfunctional... We learn a lot about trust, communication, role playing, love, touch, boundaries, acceptance, allowance, sex, money, social dynamics, etc from our parents. If they lack health and skill, we often don't have other role models to teach us otherwise. Well good luck. Maybe you just know lucky people.

People learn how to relate through there parents and its a pretty big deal, and well researched among psychologists. Also, we tend to make assumptions about other peoples relationships.

 

Edited January 4, 2022 by Thought Art

[Kross]

Disorganized / Fearful-Avoidant

[Preety_India]

Just now, Nos7algiK said:

the three listed are in separate categories so it's possible to be unhealhy with your parents, but healthy with your partner.

That's what I mean. Kinda misleading to lump it all. 

Might give a lot of people a negative forecast 

 

[Thought Art]

@Nos7algiK Totally, and the test allows for that to be measured. The test does not lump it together but clearly shows the difference in the 4 variables. 

Edited January 4, 2022 by Thought Art

[somegirl]

Got Secure. 

Don't know. If I am secure, why the hell was I shy my whole life.

[Miguel1]

Quite a bad upbringing by quite unconscious parents. Lots of shit. Did a lot of inner work and inner healing the past 10 years. Have completely forgiven both my parents and currently pretty much completely understand where they were & are coming from - feel a deep sense of compassion towards them. That being said, I don't see much reason & potential to connect ''deeply'' with them anymore, which is I guess, completely natural taking into consideration where I currently am. They are definitely dramatically more attached to me than I am to them.

My relationship with my current partner is the most conscious it has ever been compared to any of my exes, by FAR. Definitely still work to do, perhaps a lot, but we are definitely on the right track. Crazy how much I've grown the past 3 years, after breaking up with my ex. It almost felt like I had a really steep learning curve. It's kinda like doing the groundwork for 5+ years and then bumping into a few teachers like Ken Wilber, Rupert Spira, Bentinho Massaro & Leo, then things kinda blew up. I feel like Bentinho has matured a lot in the past years. I didn't resonate much with him when he was younger - could also of course be that I was just immature.

I remember watching Leo way back when he was doing lots of game & stage orange related videos. Didn't resonate with his teaching style of those stuff back then (resonated more with RSD). I was quite surprised & maybe a bit shocked too when I bumped into Leo's youtube videos again, 1.5 years ago, after having studied Rupert Spira deeply for a good few months (covid & quarantine hit and couldn't run away from my inner void and miseries that the last break up left & brought up, by chasing more and more girls anymore - so I had to face the emptiness and Rupert was there at the perfect place and the perfect time. Before all that was Eckhart Tolle). Rupert definitely laid the groundwork for me to resonate with Leo's Infinite Consciousness-related talks. It's beautiful how life just always turns out to be in perfect harmony - ''out of chaos comes order.''

Osho resonated so much more when I was starting out 10 years ago, in fact, he was my first serious teacher and I studied the shit out of his books - whatever resonated to me, I took it. Changed my life completely and put me on a completely different path of life.  But it makes sense, because his style of rebelliousness and drama resonated with my then very broken & drama-loving ego. Alan Watts also helped a ton in my first years. Afterwards, Eckhart Tolle, then Rupert, then Leo. Bunch of other names I didn't throw in there but yeah. There are also some other teachers I'm looking forward to studying in the near future. Also gotta do some serious psychedelics experiments when my life situation allows it.

Uh, got quite immersed into this and this got quite long, opsie. I think I'm done. If you read it through then I guess thank you for reading and hope it touched you somehow.

And thanks for the assessment, Leo!

[Thought Art]

@somegirl Who knows, you can be secure but introverted. There are many axioms and nuances that make up a personality. 

[Preety_India]

@Thought Art where did it show it separately? 

If I'm not wrong, the test did not generate results for multiple categories? 

 

[Preety_India]

OK got it. It shows up in show report. 

 

 

 

Anxious /
Preoccupied

The anxious/preoccupied attachment style (referred to as ambivalent in children) is created in the first 18 months of life, in a dyad with the primary caregiver, usually the mother or the father.

The roots of this attachment style are based in perceived neglect: the parents did not necessarily neglect the child actively, but the child perceived that his or her needs were not met.

Growing up, people with this attachment style start to neglect their own needs and to put the needs of others first. They expect that, if they are nice and caring to someone, he or she will like them and take care of them in return. This turns into preoccupation with the needs of others and leads to lack of self-definition and sense of self.

 

Common signs of your attachment style include:

Please keep in mind that, even if you have this attachment style, you don’t need to identify with all of the characteristics outlined below. Remember, everybody has a unique personality and life experience.

You lack a strong sense of self and tend to put others first. You take care of others and place more importance on them and their needs, instead of on yourself and your needs.

You have a hard time being alone; you crave relationships and intimacy.

You have a relatively low self-esteem and seek approval and reassurance from others – you need them to validate your own worth. Therefore, you often crave attention and try to impress people.

When it comes to relationships, you often exhibit clingy and needy behaviors. You seek attention and intimacy and can become too demanding. On the other hand, you are sensitive towards your partner’s needs and preoccupied with taking care of them, which might cause your partner to feel smothered or suffocated by you.

You fear that you will scare people away and that they will reject, criticize, or abandon you. You can get extremely upset when you receive disapproval (in any form). When your partner is unavailable and spends time away from your relationship, you can become jealous, frustrated, and resentful.

You overanalyze and worry excessively about relationships. At the same time, you easily ignore or misread signs of relational issues.

................ 

Live happier and healthier

Dedicate the necessary time and effort to your anxious attachment digital workbook, and soon you’ll find that you …

Pay attention to and value your own needs

No longer sacrifice for everyone else at your own expense

Feel confident in your skin and don’t engage in negative self-talk

Can better regulate your emotions and can soothe yourself when you’re distressed

Experience less stress and anxiety in social contexts

Know what to look for in a partner

Spot red flags in potential dating and sexual partners

Find it easy to stay away from toxic relationships

Don’t need external validation to feel good about yourself

Connect easily with others and build strong bonds quickly

Enjoy better sexual experiences

 

[Human Mint]

Dismissive/Avoidant

Did anyone bought the workbook they offer?

Edited January 4, 2022 by Human Mint

[something_else]

44 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

 

 

44 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Many people are very secure with their romantic partners yet not at all comfortable with their neighbors

About this I disagree. There is absolutely a relationship between these. Having social anxiety can make you extremely needy in relationships because you don't feel like you can meet new people if your current relationship ends

Edited January 4, 2022 by something_else

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, something_else said:

 

About this I disagree. There is absolutely a relationship between these. Having social anxiety can make you extremely needy in relationships because you don't feel like you can meet new people if your current relationship ends

But I never felt this way. I didn't experience anxiety in relationships. But only around strangers. Anxiety can be experienced in different situations for different people although symptoms can be similar. 

Some people are afraid of elevators, whereas others are afraid of spiders. 

 

[Thought Art]

When I get into a relationship it’s like I’m in a war zone internally 

[Human Mint]

2022 will be an exorcism for me, with all the shadow work i wanna do