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About Kross

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  • Birthday 10/10/2001

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    The Dream
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  1. I'm optimistic though.
  2. My 20 year old body feels like it's 40 right now.
  3. This is overwhelming.
  4. The state of mind I'm in right now feels like hell. Yeah, conceptually I get that things could always be way worse and there are people out there suffering astronomically more than me - but within my own bubble I still feel TERRIBLE. Terrible enough to have multiple suicidal thoughts a week.
  5. I've been incredibly lazy for the last few months. Procrastination issues have been at an all time high. In a day, I don't do anything specific for an extended amount of time, but most of my day is spent in front of a screen, mostly on youtube. But I'm trying to work more and be more productive these days.
  6. I live with my parents. I've got a terrible relationship with my father. I can't share almost anything with him at this point, the gap between our worldviews is too large. I wanna start earning good money and move out as soon as possible.
  7. My anxiety levels have been skyrocketing lately. I definitely have some form of OCD, and it's not mild at this point. My sleep schedule was never perfect, but it's a total disaster now. I'm borderline underweight and don't know how to workout, I don't exercise. My diet is catastrophic and my appetite is now almost half of what it used to be when I was 15. I'm slowly growing to hate food in general. I don't drink enough water in a day. I can't seem to go more than 2-3 days without masturbating.
  8. I desperately want to enhance my social skills. I've been listening to Leo for the last 3-4 years and went through a phase of fantasizing about meditating all day. I even purchased his book list and wanted to read all the books on it. I'm definitely not in that phase right now. I feel like a hungry primate caged inside this room. I haven't had a proper friend circle in the last 6-8 years and I've never been in a relationship before. I'm genuinely, honestly desperate for all of that right now - for more friends, and girls.
  9. I've been stuck at home since the last 2 years, thanks to stupid covid. There's a new wave of covid building up right now, so I'll be stuck at home for even longer, indefinitely. I was 18 when this covid mayhem started, and I'm 20 now. I've got a grand total of 3 friends right now, only one of them lives close to my house. They're good friends, can't complain. But I wanna get out of my house and meet a lot of new people and engage in a lot of new activities. All the college campuses here have been closed since the pandemic started, and since there's a new wave coming, it doesn't seem like they're gonna open anytime soon. I'm pissed off about this, big time.
  10. Creating this journal out of frustration, desperation and boredom.
  11. Disorganized / Fearful-Avoidant
  12. @flowboy Thank you for this! And your video was great too.
  13. I feel like practicing what @Arcangelo and @CuriousCreature suggested. @Terell Kirby I don't think stopping to engage with the person is the better (or practical) solution here, for this problem can be solved rather easily by setting a precedent between you two by letting them know that you won't tolerate being constantly cut off, by finishing your sentence despite their interruption. This is just a social tactic to eliminate a problem faced during conversations and make it a better experience for both the people.
  14. Quite a few people might need to give this basic video a watch: Some people just don't know how to let someone who's talking to them, finish what they are talking about without interrupting. I've got a few friends who do this. What do you do when you are being constantly cut off?
  15. I've been an introvert my entire life as well and have struggled to socialize. But now that I'm twenty, I feel a somewhat extreme urge to just "open" myself up by being much more playful, creative and experimental in extrovert people stuff. I feel like this is a domain which involves it's own separate form of intelligence (like artistic intelligence, athletic intelligence, etc.) and could be crucial for survival purposes. But no chance in hell I'd EVER trade things I've learned from Leo or spirituality in general in the last few years for it. I just like to observe such naturally socially talented people and try to embody some of their stuff through IRL trial and error and visualizations. I also think that eventually down the line I can be much more socially competent than many of these naturals, because they generally don't have a concept of lifelong learning and development and take stuff for granted, hit a glass ceiling and stop growing further unless somehow accidentally forced to. Unlike their case, we have a chance to hone this skill consciously and go DEEP with it. They are far from "superior" imo.