Your partner's sexual past, how do you feel about it?

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, blueberries said:

definitely don't agree with the idea that the past is just the past. Relationships (whether they're sexual, romantic, non-requited, non-existent) say so much about us and have so much impact on who we are. I can't imagine not knowing that kind of basic information about someone I'm building a life with. 

This is pure ego, the same as thinking about your partner's past sex adventures. since you cannot perceive him / her directly, you get a mental idea of her/him. the only thing that matters is the moment ... that's why it is so difficult to have a lasting sexual relationship, but the miracle can happen ... or so I think

Edited October 21, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Lyubov]

11 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Also for me it's not so much on the sexual level. It's more being envious of other women who got his heart.

The jealousy is mostly about the good time spent together and intrusive thoughts of intense passionate/intimate sex (cause I wish it all for myself ?). 

But I recognize it for what it is and I am glad the person I love had experiences before. 

It's funny because it's entirely flipped for me. This may be a core difference between men and women? For me it's almost entirely on a sexual level. I don't mind if she has been deeply in love with other men. I want the sex between us to be on another level , comparable to how much she loves me and how deep the words she has spoken from her heart which she says are some of the most powerful she's ever said to a man. 

[Recursoinominado]

19 hours ago, TK2021 said:

@Leo Gura@Recursoinominado

I thought this forum was for facing the truth and searching for it earnestly. Not ignoring it. You cannot ignore her past if you are to become truly intimate. How can you feel intimacy towards what you are wilfully ignorant about? You're just "in love" with an illusion. And not a very good one at that. Just scratch a little and it's gone. Sure if you want a superficial relationship, then illusions are okay. But if you want a monogamous, dedicated, till death do us apart type of relationship, this is silly. And the very depths of human to human connection will be closed off.

What is the difference between a girl who has had sex with 100 guys vs 10 guys?

What if a girl who has been with 200 guys is perfect to you?

And that 26yo virgin girl is weird as fuck?

In my experience, cool girls are sexually experienced and free.

Trust me, you don't want a repressed girl.

Nothing good comes from digging up this past.

Focus on the girl that is NOW in front of you.

Is she a cool, healthy, high-vibration girl? That's what matters in the end.

[soos_mite_ah]

Honestly, for the most part I simply don't want to know. I don't mind hearing about past experiences but I don't want to know of a specific number or about a specific person my partner has been with. 

I also think body count isn't too relevant when it comes to how good you are in bed. You could rack up a ton of bodies and still be awful in bed. I think that the topic of body count can induce shame for both genders for different reasons and is rarely a productive conversation. Plus, a lot of talk about body count exclude things like rape which can get pretty messy and can get uncomfortable for the other person if there was something they have been through. 

That said, to be totally honest, I'm not really into community dick. Anything more than 10 is a lot imo 

Edited October 21, 2021 by soos_mite_ah

[Etherial Cat]

16 minutes ago, Lyubov said:

It's funny because it's entirely flipped for me. This may be a core difference between men and women? For me it's almost entirely on a sexual level. I don't mind if she has been deeply in love with other men. I want the sex between us to be on another level , comparable to how much she loves me and how deep the words she has spoken from her heart which she says are some of the most powerful she's ever said to a man. 

Yes, I think it might be possible.

Women aren't meant to claim men physically, but men certainly are. Guys seems to have a whole dynamique around occupying the space around her and get her to surrender. Sex is a very important component of this, like some sort of culmination point. If the match is good, she'll show great receptivity, openness and be completely surrendered. Great sex makes her give herself completely away. So maybe you'd want to be the one she's the most surrendered to?

As I said before, women don't claim men physically, but internally. It's through the emotions, the heart. Some sort of masculine weak spot. It's what makes him come to you in the first place.

I don't care much about the meaningless sex he can get, but a woman with the power to sway the man I love away because she's more interesting to him is the best way to get jealous.

[Lyubov]

1 hour ago, Recursoinominado said:

What is the difference between a girl who has had sex with 100 guys vs 10 guys?

What if a girl who has been with 200 guys is perfect to you?

And that 26yo virgin girl is weird as fuck?

In my experience, cool girls are sexually experienced and free.

Trust me, you don't want a repressed girl.

Nothing good comes from digging up this past.

Focus on the girl that is NOW in front of you.

Is she a cool, healthy, high-vibration girl? That's what matters in the end.

I do agree with you for the most part. It’s easier said than done though. The sexually experienced club chick is always the absolute best and I find myself having the best sex with such women and the most fun. My girlfriend I would say fits this description. The thing is I also have to honor this other part of me that hurts knowing I may not be the best in bed, “just one of many”, or feels because she may be more experienced and had more partners than me that our sex isn’t as special/good to her as I would like it to be. It is the other side of the coin, in which women feel jealous about a man’s heart, feelings and love being deeply given to a past girlfriend, basically what @Etherial Cat mentioned makes her little jealous to think about. It’s just the other side. As our relationship deepens I can’t pretend it doesn’t bother me if I also feel something is missing sexually between us, I’m not as good to her as I’d like to be or if it doesn’t stack up to in comparison to the love side of things. 
 

I suppose I just feel sort of used to a degree if she is so deeply in love with me and with this idea of me and I’m really being romantic and giving her this love back, but then part of me knows I haven’t fully reached the best sex with her. If the question is ever asked to her “who’s the best sexual partner you’ve ever had? What’s the best sex you’ve had?” and my face and name isn’t the first though to pop into her head, it just makes it hard for me to really feel, trust and take in these words she has been telling me about how deeply she loves me and how she sometimes feels I’m her soulmate and how she’s never felt this in love with a man before. I think @TK2021 said it, but even knowing you are second best doesn’t feel right. Knowing I haven’t really surmounted this with my girlfriend and she thinks I’m top 3/4 out of her 20-40+ partners does hurt, I can’t deny that. I wouldn’t settle for second in this area with someone I’m this deeply in love with. 
 

I suppose on the positive flip side though I’m willing to work at it and improve. I desire this very much. She told me it isn’t so much something psychological like some fantasy missing but rather my technique and method so I’m looking to improve it further cause I really do desire to be a sex god so to speak and am not willing to settle for second. She is a bit embarrassed to talk about sex which bothers me but we are working at this and things have been getting better in this domain so I think there is always something to be learned and grow from here  

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

Yes, I think it might be possible.

Women aren't meant to claim men physically, but men certainly are. Guys seems to have a whole dynamique around occupying the space around her and get her to surrender. Sex is a very important component of this, like some sort of culmination point. If the match is good, she'll show great receptivity, openness and be completely surrendered. Great sex makes her give herself completely away. So maybe you'd want to be the one she's the most surrendered to?

As I said before, women don't claim men physically, but internally. It's through the emotions, the heart. Some sort of masculine weak spot. It's what makes him come to you in the first place.

I don't care much about the meaningless sex he can get, but a woman with the power to sway the man I love away because she's more interesting to him is the best way to get jealous.

To answer your question, basically yes!! But even a bit further than that! Like my girl surrenders quite fully to me, especially recently, and it’s amazing, the sex is passionate and incredible, but also I want her to be able to say it was absolutely incredible and the best. I can’t stand just lazy, passionless sex where I’m feeling sort of selfish/closed/unloving/passionless and she is sort of closed off and in a way leading it more than she should to get what she wants cause I’m not giving it to her. I don’t want it just to be something that I REALLY enjoyed and she JUST enjoyed. I want for her in her full surrendering to also be deriving just as much pleasure as me in my giving/taking, maybe even more, and to feel it’s the best. To me that would resolve the jealousy around her having had a lot of partners. Because I would then know I was the best of them and it doesn’t matter so much to me anymore. I would have claimed my throne and it’s what I want to work towards with her now. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Lyubov

[Thunder Kiss]

How many partners is a lot ?

[gettoefl]

28 minutes ago, Thunder Kiss said:

How many partners is a lot ?

mine plus one is one too many

[Gianna]

@TK2021 oh haha. Okay.

[Valach]

@Gianna

Thank you for the reply. To be honest I don't feel like it's an insecurity regarding my relationship. I am not affraid of the girl cheating on me. I think it's just me not accepting female sexuality as is. I even have a problem hearing friends saying they slept with a guy on a first day etc. Yup, its a weak point of mine and something to work on

[Gianna]

@TK2021 for the record though, my past experiences contradict your statistics. My ex never slept with very many girls, and it ruined our relationship. He couldn’t stand the thought of not being with me. And yet, he also couldn’t stop imagining other girls, other experiences. Cause he had none! He was a loyal guy that couldn’t help but think disloyal thoughts— he opened up to me about it.  And honestly, I don’t blame him. He’s barely lived any life. And it tormented him. 
 

I also know girls like this. But of course this isn’t always the case! 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Gianna

[Gianna]

@Valach Oh I see. Well, at least you’re aware of it. 

[Lyubov]

21 minutes ago, Valach said:

@Gianna

Thank you for the reply. To be honest I don't feel like it's an insecurity regarding my relationship. I am not affraid of the girl cheating on me. I think it's just me not accepting female sexuality as is. I even have a problem hearing friends saying they slept with a guy on a first day etc. Yup, its a weak point of mine and something to work on

Yeah, it is actually the same for me. It has little to nothing to do with infidelity. I've spent a lot of time self reflecting, letting go and contemplating on this. I had some breakthrough insights and have some ideas what the next steps are for me through this and feeling more whole and integrated with it. I'll share them with you and this thread later. I think some people in this thread might find them helpful. 

Edited October 22, 2021 by Lyubov

[StarStruck]

High dick rate with a girl is never good if you want to start a family with a girl. Studies have shown that it fucks up with the girl's psychology. It is a huge red flag for me in terms of a life partner. She better have some good qualities to compensate that. But if you are close to 30 as a guy it is hard to find a virgin girl. Only thing you can do is be sure you fucked more than her.

Also girls never tell the truth about such topics. With girls you have to 2x or 3x the number to get the real number.

[funcool]

Just marry a virgin and hook up with chicks if they have high body counts. The way you are thinking you are adopting a scarcity mindset. When you are in that state you wouldn't even be able to wife up a virgin or hook up with many chicks. We are in a stage orange society and its a free for all. Stop trying to lower yourself to appease others.

Edited November 1, 2021 by funcool

[Terell Kirby]

On 10/20/2021 at 8:12 AM, Lyubov said:

For any of you in a long term relationship, especially the guys, how does your partner's sexual past make you feel? 

I don't even ask (it's really none of my business). But if you do, and get an answer that you don't like..pay attention to those feelings. They may be a sign of deeper insecurity in your psyche.