BjarkeT

Tips on dealing with rejection when asking a girl out?

22 posts in this topic

I have two questions the first is how to do you deal with rejection when asking a girl out? I guess my fear is that she will view me differently than before and talk less to me or it will be awkward afterwards.  

And second: I have known her for years but haven't asked her out directly but now we live in separate cities is it a good idea to ask her out if we live far apart?  


"You see." Leo Gura

we need pain and suffering without it we loses our ability to grow as a species. Life shouldn’t be about how to experience as much joy and happiness as possible or to avoid pain but about solving problems and pushing past our comfort zone because that’s where we grow, become better and gain wisdom. No pain no gain.

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@BjarkeT You want her right? You dont want to be her friend so do it...you will find out it wont change a thing its not a big deal....

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On 9/11/2020 at 0:55 PM, BjarkeT said:

I have two questions the first is how to do you deal with rejection when asking a girl out? I guess my fear is that she will view me differently than before and talk less to me or it will be awkward afterwards.  

Rejection is the opposite of acceptance. You are afraid to be rejected because you want to be accepted.

To get over your fear of rejection from girls, you must accept yourself. 

The easiest way to get over the fear of rejection is to get rejected by hundreds of girls. After a while, your fears will dissolve and rejections will seem funny to you because you understand that you don't need girls' acceptance if you fully accepted yourself.

On 9/11/2020 at 0:55 PM, BjarkeT said:

And second: I have known her for years but haven't asked her out directly but now we live in separate cities is it a good idea to ask her out if we live far apart?  

Better now than never. Go for it...

Good luck.

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3 hours ago, JosephKnecht said:

Better now than never. Go for it...

Good luck.

This! Do it man! 

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Dont be afraid of painful emotions. If she rejects you, you will feel painful for a bit. Dont be a pussy and run away from this. Be a man and face the pain head on. Its allright, your feelings are not gonna kill you.

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as sort of said by Joseph, your fear of rejection is a SIGNAL, the universe telling you, that you don't fully accept yourself, and its finally time that you sat down, did some trauma work, figure out why you don't accept yourself, clear up those misconceptions of yourself, and get over and let go of that rejected part of yourself. 

All fear, is a signal/sign from God, that you do not understand the world correctly. You have some sort of misunderstanding going on, a worldview that isn't true. And the desire to get over the fear, is the desire to see the world correctly, rather than incorrectly. 

And the thing stopping you from having the balls to see the world correctly, rather than incorrectly, is that you've been tricked into thinking that your worldview is the truth, rather than illusion, and you're afraid of loosing the truth. 

You need to first recognise, that you don't see the world correctly. You then need to do the trauma work to see the world correctly. 

So for this girl, pin point where the fear is coming from. The fact that you're afraid of this thing, is already a sign/proves that, that thing is not true. Try and see how its not true. Then once you realise how its not true, fully let it go. 

Then asking her out wont cause fear anymore, because your worldview will be supportive of asking her out, rather than not. 

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I too have a crush I've known for years that I would like to experience a relationship with. We live far apart now but talk almost daily and are good friends. What I've made my peace with is that it's just not feasible to bank or pursuing such relationships when living far apart. It's hard to really establish a romantic relationship when long distant like this so if our paths cross I'll pursue her but if we live apart I will focus elsewhere. 

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On 9/11/2020 at 4:00 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

@BjarkeT You want her right? You dont want to be her friend so do it...you will find out it wont change a thing its not a big deal....

This is something I’ve suspected may actually be a tier 1 pitfall: viewing your partners as “not your friend.”  While that is something I’ve always intuited, as many men who are successful with women have, recently, I am more of the opinion that our partners should actually be our BEST friends — it’s only when your partner is tier 1 that they will be repelled by you if you treat them as “only” a friend.

Just a theory/intuition. Could be totally wrong.

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Focus on improving your own self-esteem and learning to accept yourself more and more, then other peoples opinions of you ultimately will become irrelevant.

Rejection actually only has power of you because you let it.


"If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him."

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I did it. Just waiting for response. However I am not sure if you should use message on facebook to ask someone to be your girlfriend but I don’t really have other options optimal it should be said face to face I believe. Now I am just scared to see her response lol

Edited by BjarkeT

"You see." Leo Gura

we need pain and suffering without it we loses our ability to grow as a species. Life shouldn’t be about how to experience as much joy and happiness as possible or to avoid pain but about solving problems and pushing past our comfort zone because that’s where we grow, become better and gain wisdom. No pain no gain.

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3 minutes ago, BjarkeT said:

Now I am just scared to see her response lol

Most important thing to realize is that you'll be completely fine either way.

Make your perspective a win-win. You either get the girl and that's awesome, or you're free to live your life and look for someone else if you want!

Good luck @BjarkeT wish you well!


"If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him."

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@Roy Thanks!


"You see." Leo Gura

we need pain and suffering without it we loses our ability to grow as a species. Life shouldn’t be about how to experience as much joy and happiness as possible or to avoid pain but about solving problems and pushing past our comfort zone because that’s where we grow, become better and gain wisdom. No pain no gain.

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@Roy I got an answer but it took a few days. She said that she might be aromatic so she haven’t had any feelings like that for anyone at least what she know of.


"You see." Leo Gura

we need pain and suffering without it we loses our ability to grow as a species. Life shouldn’t be about how to experience as much joy and happiness as possible or to avoid pain but about solving problems and pushing past our comfort zone because that’s where we grow, become better and gain wisdom. No pain no gain.

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get your ego eroded, get rejected as many times as you want. this is the secret key 

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@NoSelfSelf umm why not? She seemd totally cool with it and we’re still the same as before.

Edited by BjarkeT

"You see." Leo Gura

we need pain and suffering without it we loses our ability to grow as a species. Life shouldn’t be about how to experience as much joy and happiness as possible or to avoid pain but about solving problems and pushing past our comfort zone because that’s where we grow, become better and gain wisdom. No pain no gain.

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@NoSelfSelf What about “The hope strategy” it seems like if it the girl that need to ask you are just putting your faith in hope.

And she is aromantic so It was never going to happen anyway Alpha male or not.

Edited by BjarkeT

"You see." Leo Gura

we need pain and suffering without it we loses our ability to grow as a species. Life shouldn’t be about how to experience as much joy and happiness as possible or to avoid pain but about solving problems and pushing past our comfort zone because that’s where we grow, become better and gain wisdom. No pain no gain.

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Here is a way to look at rejection.  
 

rejection is protection.  Anyone who rejects you is doing you a favor.  She will probably just be a pain in the ass anyway.  It’s funny how obsess over plastic people who have nothing going them.

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