Dbass

How can I get rid off the chasing of beautiful woman?

23 posts in this topic

Well, I've realized that I chase beautiful woman to fill the void in me. Its like when I walk on street y see a beautiful women and I get anxious about never getting one of them beacuse I'm pretty bad with women. And the other anxiety its about trying to stop the feeling of lust, loneliness and pain that that causes me. I came to the sad and painfull truth that I am the one who f*ed up all my relationships and the seed of my problem is that I have a problem with women. Maybe is because my mother was very severe with me and beated me to much when I was a child or the tyranic insecure father I had . I just want to get my mind clear of woman so I can try to be happy with my life. I hope some of you could help me with my problem, and thanks for reading

Ps: sorry about my writting, I am not a native speaker

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Here are a couple of tactics for this issue:

1- Work on healing and loving yourself to allow to be confident and free of ego-traumas that rule your life like this and prevent you from being who you are which is love.

2- Be consciouss that you are projecting everything into this women. There is literally only colours and shapes there. The rest of it (love) which is what you really are projecting, is coming from yourself, not "them*. Anything that you FEEL when you see them, that feeling is happening in You, not "them". But you are projecting it "outside", thinking they actually 'have it'. Crazy really. @Nahm


A thought can´t ever tell you how you feel.

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Here is a good way to get over it and dodge the bullet; If they extremely beautiful there is a high chance they are either crazy, neurotic, or very narcissistic (worst case scenario all 3). You have to realize they've spent their entire lives getting catered to by EVERY man they've come across, while not really having to do anything in return besides look pretty (and the little work to maintain that). This fosters a selfish attitude and outlook on life where they have delusional and unfair expectations in their relationships with men, who there are countless of trying to get with them. They get to pick the highest bidder from the lot, and the fool who offers and sacrifices the most to be with them can't ever slow down or slack off, or she's gone.

They simply aren't worth all the work. You are giving up WAY more than you get in return. What you want to do is avoid that trap of temptation that the devil has set up and go for average/good looking women with awesome personalities. Or even a below average women with incredible personalities and integrity. Not only will it be less stressful in the long run, but you'll end up being happier when you realize looks don't really count for anything at all. It's just a thing for egos to flaunt to each other, "Hey look at this hot chick I'm with, be jealous."

You think you want beautiful women, but you don't. What you really want is someone that loves and accepts you, first and foremost and regardless of their biological luck of the draw.

People think this is a meme but it has truth to it. Come back to this reference when you lose your way;

 


"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

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@Dbass

The chasing of beautiful woman isn’t so much the problem. It’s the chasing of feeling better, from a position of need - believing long term deeper better feeling will come from the woman, which is the suffering. Hat’s off to you for inspecting and inquiring. 

1 hour ago, Dbass said:

Well, I've realized that I chase beautiful woman to fill the void in me. Its like when I walk on street y see a beautiful women and I get anxious about never getting one of them beacuse I'm pretty bad with women.

You are not bad with woman. That’s a self fulling prophecy. You’re holding that belief, and acting surprised when experience is in accordance with it. If that belief were true, it’d feel great. The suffering there is not in regard to a relationship between you and a woman, but rather between you & you / you & the source of you, we might say. 

Quote

And the other anxiety its about trying to stop the feeling of lust, loneliness and pain that that causes me.

That sheds light on this. Trying to stop feeling is resistance / tension / frustration, and it is senseless & futile. Do not try to stop feeling. Feel more so into feeling. The anxiety is continuing to hold the same perspectives about yourself, which don’t resonate, don’t feel good. It can be tricky, as one of those perspectives which does not feel good or resonate, is the perspective that the feeling is due to, or caused by anything other than your own beliefs & perspectives. We are very sneaky creatures. Awareness of this cures this. Do not look to ‘beat’ this, as that is the sneakiness, and would most likely be an under the radar attempt to stop feeling. 

Quote

I came to the sad and painfull truth that I am the one who f*ed up all my relationships and the seed of my problem is that I have a problem with women.

This is just some guy’s opinion here, don’t give it any weight...but you’re apparently pretty attached to that belief. I suggest it is not true, and the difficulty lies in your recognition that it has never been true. If you sit quietly in a room alone, you very well might experience that your ‘problem’ is not in the room, can not be pointed to. Thus, there in actuality is not a problem. Again, the arising perspective is in discord with truth, with the heart of you, you might say. Letting it go, and understanding, would be the ideal approach...rather than continuing to believe it and continuing to attempt to resolve it by thinking about it more. Look to see the distinction, the difference, between letting go of a perspective, and entertaining new perspectives - vs - continuing to hold that belief and think through that same perspective. My perspective, is that you’re quite literally awesome. Infinitely mystically ineffably awesome. Wether this is true or not is of no concern for me. That it resounds in my being, that it feels great, is all that is relevant. We are creators of our reality, and it is made of love. Do not be a hard working vacuum that is not plugged in. Plug in first, and this reality is Self propelled. 

Quote

Maybe is because my mother was very severe with me and beated me to much when I was a child or the tyranic insecure father I had . I just want to get my mind clear of woman so I can try to be happy with my life. I hope some of you could help me with my problem, and thanks for reading

Ps: sorry about my writting, I am not a native speaker

Your english is great. 

Notice in that last comment, this seems to be about woman, mom, dad, and childhood. In a way, it very much is. Yet from right now, it is second order to your health, well being, and happiness. Plug in, then clean this place up, if you get what I’m saying. Make this about no one but you, period. Read a book on each of the things you mentioned, choose to utilize resources (as you already are here) more so. Educate yourself on these matters. Understand yourself and what’s going on with you, and why you’re feeling the way you are, by learning from others who have experienced the same or similar...and also by feeling more and more ‘into’ yourself. I’m not sugar coating your past. It sucks. But the past is passed, and you’re here now, and you got a future, and it can be what you can dream. 

Feeling is the bottom line, getting plugged in. For you, from the very little I’ve to work with from this post...you’re connected feeling to woman, mom, dad, and past...and it’s not really working. Look to connect feeling to your interests, to what you like & want - for you - for your enjoyment (other than the honey’s, give that a minute); hobbies, preferences, activities, your gifts & talents, really literally anything you like. Like = feels good to you. Good feeling is what you want. 

The simplest, funnest, easiest, most efficient way I know of to do this is by making a dreamboard

 

“This place is a dream, only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief......

...A man goes to sleep in the town where he has always lived, and he dreams he's living in another town. In the dream, he doesn't remember
the town he's sleeping in his bed in. He believes the reality of the dream town...

The world is that kind of sleep.”

-Rumi

 

The suffering has already arrived, that is not in question. This suffering is the calling of love. You must wake yourself up in it. You must see what it really is. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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The more I heal my childhood trauma and my relationship with my parents the less needy and insecure I am.

I recommend reading The Truth by Neil Strauss because it will give you a beautiful first-hand account of what it is like to work on these issues,

and then I recommend reading and doing all of the exercises in Homecoming by John Bradshaw. This is what is helping me. Since I started I have even been having less cravings for coffee, my main addiction. Best of luck to ya.


"Yes is the answer... And you know that! Fasho!

Yes is surrender! You gotta let it... you gotta let it GO!" - John Lennon, Mind Games

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2 hours ago, Roy said:

Here is a good way to get over it and dodge the bullet; If they extremely beautiful there is a high chance they are either crazy, neurotic, or very narcissistic (worst case scenario all 3)

If she is as hot as Kate Upton who cares? 


I live my life in a dream; the constant threat of a rude awakening keeps me on my toes.
-Mettley Zimmer

 

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@Dbass

Being a woman is not easy. Not every man who is after you is  with genuine intention or respect. Sometimes a lot of these guys are only after sex or for a short good time. So if you put yourself in the shoes of those women, maybe some of them are equally hurting, just like you, from a past relationship where they realized that the guy was with them only for their physical beauty and turned uncaring later or they were betrayed because the man they loved started getting interested in other beautiful women. So you need to understand their side as well. 

If you suffered in your past relationships, the women who you were with, suffered as well. 

Practice letting go. Accept reality and that reality is not always tuned to our desires and wants. 

Practice acceptance. 

Also there are many beautiful things in the world other than love and relationships. Take interest in those beautiful things. 

Men sometimes carry resentment for not getting the woman they wanted. Let go of such resentment. Forgive the women, they didn't do anything wrong by simply being women. 

Don't get distracted by the women you see. Try to divert your attention and compromise your feelings. No point in looking at women when your mind isn't ready for a relationship. So realize the uselessness of looking at them. Ignore them completely. 

Cultivate love within by showing love to pets, focusing on self love, helping people and having loyal friends and being motivated to some strong purpose in life. 

 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

 INTP loner... .shy girl.. The devil loves me a bit too much. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

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3 hours ago, Roy said:

Here is a good way to get over it and dodge the bullet; If they extremely beautiful there is a high chance they are either crazy, neurotic, or very narcissistic (worst case scenario all 3). You have to realize they've spent their entire lives getting catered to by EVERY man they've come across, while not really having to do anything in return besides look pretty (and the little work to maintain that). This fosters a selfish attitude and outlook on life where they have delusional and unfair expectations in their relationships with men, who there are countless of trying to get with them. They get to pick the highest bidder from the lot, and the fool who offers and sacrifices the most to be with them can't ever slow down or slack off, or she's gone.

They simply aren't worth all the work. You are giving up WAY more than you get in return. What you want to do is avoid that trap of temptation that the devil has set up and go for average/good looking women with awesome personalities. Or even a below average women with incredible personalities and integrity. Not only will it be less stressful in the long run, but you'll end up being happier when you realize looks don't really count for anything at all. It's just a thing for egos to flaunt to each other, "Hey look at this hot chick I'm with, be jealous."

You think you want beautiful women, but you don't. What you really want is someone that loves and accepts you, first and foremost and regardless of their biological luck of the draw.

People think this is a meme but it has truth to it. Come back to this reference when you lose your way;

 

Haha, there is also a women's version of it 

 

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9 minutes ago, Hello from Russia said:

Haha, there is also a women's version of it 

I've seen it a long time ago, it's trash. Though men do have their issues, I have a plethora of hundreds of comments on my profile pointing out them out. 

Anyways she clearly only made the video because she's triggered and knows it's true xDxDxD 

Look at the like/dislike ratio between the videos and the comments. xD 

Edited by Roy

"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

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For many years i am chasing woman because o am single and i am not good looking also, but there is a time that i give up. and try to find the words of God, just after a week alot of woman is messaging me i dont know why did that happen.

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1 hour ago, NatureB said:

The more I heal my childhood trauma and my relationship with my parents the less needy and insecure I am.

I recommend reading The Truth by Neil Strauss because it will give you a beautiful first-hand account of what it is like to work on these issues,

and then I recommend reading and doing all of the exercises in Homecoming by John Bradshaw. This is what is helping me. Since I started I have even been having less cravings for coffee, my main addiction. Best of luck to ya.

Definately

I am i my healing journey about it. Toxic mother. 

Thanks for the book recommendation, coffee is also a problem for me..

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Dbass

The chasing of beautiful woman isn’t so much the problem. It’s the chasing of feeling better, from a position of need - believing long term deeper better feeling will come from the woman, which is the suffering. Hat’s off to you for inspecting and inquiring. 

You are not bad with woman. That’s a self fulling prophecy. You’re holding that belief, and acting surprised when experience is in accordance with it. If that belief were true, it’d feel great. The suffering there is not in regard to a relationship between you and a woman, but rather between you & you / you & the source of you, we might say. 

That sheds light on this. Trying to stop feeling is resistance / tension / frustration, and it is senseless & futile. Do not try to stop feeling. Feel more so into feeling. The anxiety is continuing to hold the same perspectives about yourself, which don’t resonate, don’t feel good. It can be tricky, as one of those perspectives which does not feel good or resonate, is the perspective that the feeling is due to, or caused by anything other than your own beliefs & perspectives. We are very sneaky creatures. Awareness of this cures this. Do not look to ‘beat’ this, as that is the sneakiness, and would most likely be an under the radar attempt to stop feeling. 

This is just some guy’s opinion here, don’t give it any weight...but you’re apparently pretty attached to that belief. I suggest it is not true, and the difficulty lies in your recognition that it has never been true. If you sit quietly in a room alone, you very well might experience that your ‘problem’ is not in the room, can not be pointed to. Thus, there in actuality is not a problem. Again, the arising perspective is in discord with truth, with the heart of you, you might say. Letting it go, and understanding, would be the ideal approach...rather than continuing to believe it and continuing to attempt to resolve it by thinking about it more. Look to see the distinction, the difference, between letting go of a perspective, and entertaining new perspectives - vs - continuing to hold that belief and think through that same perspective. My perspective, is that you’re quite literally awesome. Infinitely mystically ineffably awesome. Wether this is true or not is of no concern for me. That it resounds in my being, that it feels great, is all that is relevant. We are creators of our reality, and it is made of love. Do not be a hard working vacuum that is not plugged in. Plug in first, and this reality is Self propelled. 

Your english is great. 

Notice in that last comment, this seems to be about woman, mom, dad, and childhood. In a way, it very much is. Yet from right now, it is second order to your health, well being, and happiness. Plug in, then clean this place up, if you get what I’m saying. Make this about no one but you, period. Read a book on each of the things you mentioned, choose to utilize resources (as you already are here) more so. Educate yourself on these matters. Understand yourself and what’s going on with you, and why you’re feeling the way you are, by learning from others who have experienced the same or similar...and also by feeling more and more ‘into’ yourself. I’m not sugar coating your past. It sucks. But the past is passed, and you’re here now, and you got a future, and it can be what you can dream. 

Feeling is the bottom line, getting plugged in. For you, from the very little I’ve to work with from this post...you’re connected feeling to woman, mom, dad, and past...and it’s not really working. Look to connect feeling to your interests, to what you like & want - for you - for your enjoyment (other than the honey’s, give that a minute); hobbies, preferences, activities, your gifts & talents, really literally anything you like. Like = feels good to you. Good feeling is what you want. 

The simplest, funnest, easiest, most efficient way I know of to do this is by making a dreamboard

 

“This place is a dream, only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief......

...A man goes to sleep in the town where he has always lived, and he dreams he's living in another town. In the dream, he doesn't remember
the town he's sleeping in his bed in. He believes the reality of the dream town...

The world is that kind of sleep.”

-Rumi

 

The suffering has already arrived, that is not in question. This suffering is the calling of love. You must wake yourself up in it. You must see what it really is. 

Will read and re-read and re- read..

It'd be of help for me too

Thanks

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Showing that you are attracted isn't repulsive. Stop being self-conscious about that. You should rather introspect and make sure that your attraction is based on reality.

Imagine that a girl approaches you and compliment you. But everything she says it untrue and she is misinterpreting you. You are even opposite of what she thinks of you. How would you feel? I guess that you would be uncomfortable because she isn't talking about you.

In most cases this is what you are doing the same thing to girls. When you see a girl you quickly assume many things about her. If you are not seeing as she is in reality, you are treating her as an object. This creates repulsion. Try to be more perceptive and don't make any assumptions.

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learn the game of attraction but at the same time don't chase women that much I don't mean that you should push them away too but be indifferent being by yourself, build an exciting life for yourself, I'm sure that gorgeous you talked about would probably a bimbo not to accompany you ?


"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up"

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Self-actualization, shadow work, enlightenment work, meditation, practically trying to improve my life and hobbies, life purpose is a good grounding mechanism to alter your view into what you really want. 

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On 9/4/2020 at 10:22 AM, Nahm said:

@Dbass

The chasing of beautiful woman isn’t so much the problem. It’s the chasing of feeling better, from a position of need - believing long term deeper better feeling will come from the woman, which is the suffering. Hat’s off to you for inspecting and inquiring. 

You are not bad with woman. That’s a self fulling prophecy. You’re holding that belief, and acting surprised when experience is in accordance with it. If that belief were true, it’d feel great. The suffering there is not in regard to a relationship between you and a woman, but rather between you & you / you & the source of you, we might say. 

That sheds light on this. Trying to stop feeling is resistance / tension / frustration, and it is senseless & futile. Do not try to stop feeling. Feel more so into feeling. The anxiety is continuing to hold the same perspectives about yourself, which don’t resonate, don’t feel good. It can be tricky, as one of those perspectives which does not feel good or resonate, is the perspective that the feeling is due to, or caused by anything other than your own beliefs & perspectives. We are very sneaky creatures. Awareness of this cures this. Do not look to ‘beat’ this, as that is the sneakiness, and would most likely be an under the radar attempt to stop feeling. 

This is just some guy’s opinion here, don’t give it any weight...but you’re apparently pretty attached to that belief. I suggest it is not true, and the difficulty lies in your recognition that it has never been true. If you sit quietly in a room alone, you very well might experience that your ‘problem’ is not in the room, can not be pointed to. Thus, there in actuality is not a problem. Again, the arising perspective is in discord with truth, with the heart of you, you might say. Letting it go, and understanding, would be the ideal approach...rather than continuing to believe it and continuing to attempt to resolve it by thinking about it more. Look to see the distinction, the difference, between letting go of a perspective, and entertaining new perspectives - vs - continuing to hold that belief and think through that same perspective. My perspective, is that you’re quite literally awesome. Infinitely mystically ineffably awesome. Wether this is true or not is of no concern for me. That it resounds in my being, that it feels great, is all that is relevant. We are creators of our reality, and it is made of love. Do not be a hard working vacuum that is not plugged in. Plug in first, and this reality is Self propelled. 

Your english is great. 

Notice in that last comment, this seems to be about woman, mom, dad, and childhood. In a way, it very much is. Yet from right now, it is second order to your health, well being, and happiness. Plug in, then clean this place up, if you get what I’m saying. Make this about no one but you, period. Read a book on each of the things you mentioned, choose to utilize resources (as you already are here) more so. Educate yourself on these matters. Understand yourself and what’s going on with you, and why you’re feeling the way you are, by learning from others who have experienced the same or similar...and also by feeling more and more ‘into’ yourself. I’m not sugar coating your past. It sucks. But the past is passed, and you’re here now, and you got a future, and it can be what you can dream. 

Feeling is the bottom line, getting plugged in. For you, from the very little I’ve to work with from this post...you’re connected feeling to woman, mom, dad, and past...and it’s not really working. Look to connect feeling to your interests, to what you like & want - for you - for your enjoyment (other than the honey’s, give that a minute); hobbies, preferences, activities, your gifts & talents, really literally anything you like. Like = feels good to you. Good feeling is what you want. 

The simplest, funnest, easiest, most efficient way I know of to do this is by making a dreamboard

 

“This place is a dream, only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief......

...A man goes to sleep in the town where he has always lived, and he dreams he's living in another town. In the dream, he doesn't remember
the town he's sleeping in his bed in. He believes the reality of the dream town...

The world is that kind of sleep.”

-Rumi

 

The suffering has already arrived, that is not in question. This suffering is the calling of love. You must wake yourself up in it. You must see what it really is. 

@Nahm Thank you for this Nahm ?

@Preety_India love how you were able to show the women’s side too. ?


"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCqtX3EPGsnmWjK76m5Vpbw

 

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I wish i could totally rid myself of this desire,maybe meditation idk 

Women have been nothing but a bad influence in my life.

Edited by Bulgarianspirit

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