seriously why friends ?

[sure]

i've been stressing this query lately why do i need friends ? for what ? is there any general purpose or i should do as everybody around me ? have friends and that is it 

for you guys 

why friends ?

how many friends do you have and what do you get out of your relationships ???!

[Gili Trawangan]

Why anything? 

[Peo]

1 hour ago, Gili Trawangan said:

Why anything? 

True

[AriSujan]

@sure Maybe cause we are social animals and good friends make our days livelier than being all alone without them, I guess!!

[Username]

Friends are mostly a waste of time. If you have shared interests you can learn something from each other. Conversations with people feel shallow to me now.

[Verg0]

I have one true friend right now. It is kind of a blessing to have someone to connect with that is somewhat on the same page.

I like to spend time with like minded people.

What do I get out of the relationship? Fun, laughter, someone to experience adventures with, great conversations and a different perspective. 

I guess the question "Why do I need friends?" only you yourself can anwser. I think it´s different for everybody. You can build connections with people who are deeply connected to your heart, who you can trust and support and who you genuinely want to be happy or if it feels right for you to live in solitude at the moment (or for the rest of your life) then do that. Follow your heart. 

[Oliver Saavedra]

I also ask myself this a lot, I notice myself constantly moving from "I want to be alone" to "I'd like connection" back and forth, which is really confusing. Seems like social needs are real even though I like to discard them. 

I really don't have an answer for this for I've been contemplating it for a while, I've found my mind has one posture on it (I'm ok on my own) , my emotions have another posture (i crave deep meaningful connection) and my body has yet aother one (I'm scared and get tense around people). 

I can give you some good questions tho:

 - How do I feel around people? What happens on my mind-emotions-body? 

- What is friendship? What would I like it to be for me?

- How do I talk? What are my dialogue habits? What would I like to improve? 

❤️

[LfcCharlie4]

Because life is a celebration, and celebrations are often better shared with other beings. 
 

There is usually a phase in this work (could last a lifetime, look t hermits) when you wish to be alone and crave solitude. 
 

It’s different for everyone and everyone is unique, for me I LOVE socialising, but I’m an enneagram 7, one of the more social types. 

I wouldn’t overthink it to the point of using logic and defining it to 7 benefits of having friends, life goes beyond logic a lot of the time. 
 

Having friends and deep relationships is a beautiful part of life, I would recommend exploring it, however, some people are happier on their own! 

[LfcCharlie4]

@Keyhole Can I ask why is your view on everything so pessimistic? 

Have you never had a great friendship, that is simply just fun and a person who is great to be around and improves your life? 

Friends& relationships are so much more than a 'mutual distraction' or a 'virus.' 

I've seen you on multiple threads and you just seem so cold& that everyone who disagrees with your points, 'needs to face the truth.' 

Maybe, for you at this point in your life, Friendships aren't something you want to pursue, but to then put that on a large scale an state things like human beings are naturally selfish and deceitful, therefore, you shouldn't form relationships with them seems rather extreme, doesn't it?

 To me, life is a celebration of love and happiness, and this is often best shared with other people when someone wins the lottery, what is the first thing they do? Call their Friends/ Family to tell them and celebrate. 

It goes back to a natural law of life revolving around Desire. The desire to receive for the sake of sharing. Look at nature, it is constantly sharing and that is what keeps nature in harmony, the whole cycle of life is based on the desire to receive for the sake of sharing. 

Maybe you've had some bad relationships with friends in the past, and if you have I'm very sorry for that and I hope you can heal from that. But, having friends can also be one amazing way to celebrate this beautiful thing we call life.

I'll leave you with this- 

I wish you the absolute best and nothing but peace and happiness

P.S. Maybe try not taking life so serious and having some fun, maybe even with friends  

Remember, other people are also The Self!

I also just wanted to add, that I wasn't meaning to come off confrontational here at all, I have just noticed that you do seem quite absolutist in most threads. 

I am also not saying having a large group of friends is for everyone, as everyone is unique and different, some people prefer 1-2 close friends, some just prefer being a lone wolf, and some love having lots of friends, I fall into the later bracket, as I love socializing and always have. But, my point more so, is that there is no one right answer as each individual is different, as is the case for most things, decide for yourself what you want and then go and get that. 

Of course be careful and picky with who you develop deep connections and relationships with, that's a given. 

I also just read in one of your threads how you said you are struggling, like I said I truly hope you manage to find lasting happiness and peace, and I know you also said you've given up reaching out to people, but if you are ever down and in need of a chat, feel free to contact me, I reply pretty frequently via email, and am more than happy to act as a friend!  

Edited June 12, 2020 by LfcCharlie4

[nistake]

It's pretty much social conditioning. It's not set in stone that you have to have a lot of friends otherwise there's something wrong with you. If you feel comfortable with only a few people, that's perfectly fine. If it's just only one person, also fine.

I think it's good to maintain a healthy balance between solitude and socializing. Don't force either one though otherwise it'll bite you in the ass.

[belen]

friends can be the biggest gifts ever, you don't need many to discover a true beauty with this amazing humans, friends are the family you choose and they choose you and they will be there for you, and will even understand you,  when you what to be alone, they are the best to be around, to feel free to be yourself and I can't be anymore grateful to have them in my life, for me is the most honest and boundless relationship, I am really sorry for those ones who haven't experienced this wonderful beautiful treasure. Finding a good friends is so crucial to stand on hearth

and to be honest if you would like to be alone, you wouldn't even chat on a forum with other people, that are there like friends

Edited June 12, 2020 by belen

[StarStruck]

Friends who motivate you to become better is great. Especially if you can learn from them or ones that give you a positive vibe. As the saying goes you are the average of the people you hang out with.

[LfcCharlie4]

30 minutes ago, belen said:

friends can be the biggest gifts ever, you don't need many to discover a true beauty with this amazing humans, friends are the family you choose and they choose you and they will be there for you, and will even understand you,  when you what to be alone, they are the best to be around, to feel free to be yourself and I can't be anymore grateful to have them in my life, for me is the most honest and boundless relationship, I am really sorry for those ones who haven't experienced this wonderful beautiful treasure. Finding a good friends is so crucial to stand on hearth

and to be honest if you would like to be alone, you wouldn't even chat on a forum with other people, that are there like friends

 

This is so true!!!! 

Good friends are amazing, honestly. 

I loved the 'Like family you choose' 

Nothing better than chilling with people you can be completely yourself around and have a good time with! 

 

@StarStruck  Yes again!! That quote is also SO true, which is why it's also important to be mindful of who you spend the most time with. 

[StarStruck]

@LfcCharlie4

Also another point. You don't have to be with people to get something. I'm not necessarily with somebody to get good vibes or learn something. It is also about sharing from the point of view of being who you are. Perhaps the topic starter can flip his paradigm around and ask himself what can I give instead of what do I "need".

[sure]

-i think that i should value more friendships and choose people who choose me 

-at the most core of our being we're social animals

[Verg0]

1 hour ago, StarStruck said:

@LfcCharlie4

Also another point. You don't have to be with people to get something. I'm not necessarily with somebody to get good vibes or learn something. It is also about sharing from the point of view of being who you are. Perhaps the topic starter can flip his paradigm around and ask himself what can I give instead of what do I "need".

True

[Preety_India]

 

I will try to give a more realistic and nuanced opinion on this subject. 

I clearly see the benefits and the good sides of having wonderful friends but I also take into account the harm that some people can do to you in the name of friendship. I have dealt with a lot of toxic people. And until you have  dealt with your own share of evil in the world, your opinions on people and humanity in general are going to be all airy-fairy through rose tinted glasses. It's not all rainbows and unicorns in practical life though. 

I'd say to each his own.. 

Some people have a good time having friends and some people tend to suffer when they have friends. 

To me a friend is someone who has to be absolutely loyal. 

Often times I end up meeting a person who turns out to be a back-biter. This can be very upsetting and discourages me from actively  looking for friendships. 

For me the trust level with people is a bit low. This is because of bad past experiences which are difficult to get over with. 

If you come across a loyal and wonderful friend then you're lucky. 

I have very few friends. But they are loyal to me. That's what matters. 

I'm not into flaunting my friendships or bragging about how many friends I have. I don't see the point in it. I think that is something fake people would do. 

I never brag about having friends. Just a small group that I can share with sometimes. And they are light hearted so I don't feel mistrust with them. 

True friends are those who deeply respect you. Rest are just vultures, wolves in sheep's clothing trying to get the better of you or feeding off of your energy. 

Beware of frenemies. 

Keep your heart open and your fortress close to you. With your open heart you attract the warmest kindest people. With your fortress you repel the ones who pester you under the garb of friendship. 

Life is balancing the double edged sword. 

Take in the good. Leave out the bad. 

Attract the love. Repel the hate. 

Have a nice day. 

 

[crab12]

1 hour ago, sure said:

-i think that i should value more friendships and choose people who choose me 

-at the most core of our being we're social animals

There's more to it than just "cuz we social animals". At the core, an intimate friendship is two consciousnesses recognizing each other. The other is not just a biological unconscious meat machine, but it is an awareness, like me, it is exactly like me, only from a different perspective.

There's no logical evolutionary reason why a goldfish and a human should be friends like this:

It's two consciousnesses recognizing each other, no matter how different, and it feels really awesome not to be alone in this world and to share the experience.

edit: all of you have plenty of experience with toxic relationships. Shame and traumas pervert relationships. Friendship's weren't toxic originally.

Edited June 12, 2020 by crab12

[LfcCharlie4]

@crab12 Well said. 

@Preety_India Always important to take a balanced approach, I agree. And, it's important to find the right friends for you.

@Keyhole Yes, that's true, we can agree to disagree. Good luck to you too. 

@StarStruck Exactly, it can simply be to enjoy spending time together, and it's not always about what you can get from a situation. 

 

@sure It comes across like you want a fully rational answer and argument for why you should have friends, in simple terms, the right friends can make life better, sharing life with people you love is amazing. Hanging out with friends is fun, just be selective who you spend your time with and enjoy yourself, that's all that matters at the end of the day. Happiness. 

 

[electroBeam]

I don't have any friends are largely alone. I love not having friends because I don't have obligations to fulfill their needs to go to their parties and hang out with them. I can do what I purely want. And focus my life on my terms.