Ampresus

How to get rid of my need for attention from people

18 posts in this topic

Hello everyone.

Recently I discovered, after some inner work, how much attention I crave from people. I always fantasized about ways in which I would get a lot of attention from people I don’t know or people I do know. I’m talking about acting not like myself to stand out, try to gain publicity on social media networks or purposefully not approach friends but to wait till I get approached instead. I’m sure it stems from my past, probably something like not getting enough attention from my parents when I was younger. 
 

Is the solution here that I should stop caring about what other people think of me? Or is it something else? Have you guys ever dealt with this type of stuff?

Thanks in advance. 

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I find it helpful to observe the underlying feeling. . . . There are different underlying feelings/energetics driving the desire. For example, I may have a creative idea that I know my friend Sally may like. I may get really excited to share this with Sally. I text her my creation and wait for anticipation for her response. . . . This is a different orientation than seeking attention for validation. For example, I might be feeling Incomplete and insecure. I may desire attention from Sally to fill this sense of incompleteness and that I’m good enough. 

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Posted (edited)

Simple answer is: because you care what other people think of you for [blanc] reasons. As serotoninluv says follow your sensations in your body. They will try to tell you something. Probably you have a lack in something or a trauma. I have troubles with this too. When we lack something in ourselves we look for outside things to fill that bottomless “hole”. It will never fill up. It is just a way of the brain to postpone/deny the present. 

Edited by StarStruck

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Sometimes its a lot easier said then done.  However one of many places to start is just be aware, not overly, not avoiding, somewhere in the middle.  Don't feel like it HAS to change or if it doesn't change it means your doing something wrong or a bad person.  Accept that you find yourself in this moment feeling and craving such attention.  Just stay with this practice for some time.  In time you may find yourself naturally letting go of these habits or finding them naturally change on their own.

 

Give  it a try, let me know if it works.

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@Ampresus That's super common. Everywhere you look there's this issue. Everywhere, social media, even there. Outside, inside. It's spreading like crazy. 

Accepting it helps a lot to put the fire out. Other than that, as people said, it needs practice like everything. It's a trauma feeding itself from this mind pattern /habit. There's a process, you kill the habits, replace with new healthier habits. Tired already. Also requires a lot of emotional maturity and strength. Meditation will help to stay focused. 

Ps. I'm not following my own advice 😂

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You are already pretty far on this path. First step is to become aware of this.

Ultimately, yes you should stop give a f**** about what other people think of you. Your own self-worth should not be dependent on that.

You can completely release that need for attention via the sedona method. This will have an dramatic effect over your whole life. In a good way. Because when you fear that others wont like you, you will do things you dont even like doing. Just to get their attention. Or you will simply not do anything. Whereas if you dont, you will make very fast progress. Doing the things you like and then adjust however you like, to get the outcome you want in life. Most thing are simple to understand and actualize but we dont do them because we are too afraid.

Basic introduction on releasing:

 

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I used to have the same issue. I wanted to get attention from friends, co-workers and from people in general. In retrospect, I was quite neurotic and needy therefore it caused lots of suffering for me. After a while I realized that this was not a great and sustainable strategy, so I decided I needed to let go of the need for attention from others. Slowly but surely.


Ironically, nowadays I've been getting lots of attention (in a good way) even though I completely let go of the need. I'm not needy anymore, so if I don't get any attention, that's fine, and if I do, that's also fine.


What I'm trying to say is that you can't really force this and you should avoid being needy. Work on your self-esteem issues (meditation, reading, journaling, you name it) and the rest will work out.

There's a great quote from Eckhart Tolle, which is quite applicable in this situation: If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place.


It's all fun and games until someone loses an "I".

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9 hours ago, Ampresus said:

No

Hmmm... Then you are prolly less than 25 yo. It's normal.

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On 5/20/2020 at 4:46 AM, Ampresus said:

Is the solution here that I should stop caring about what other people think of me? Or is it something else?

It seems pretty normal for the mainstream people to feel that way or the worse, when people don't even recognize that they were caring for others' thoughts about them. Ok, I admit I do.

A part of the things you could practically do, even right now, is to have some forms of 'affirmations'. Here's a good one, "I am completely independent of the good or the bad opinion of others." again "I am completely independent of the good or the bad opinion of others."

Also, I have some little forms of realization that the "need for attention" from others is a watered-down form of Love. Ultimately, it was just Love, yet mixed up and diluted with unnecessary liquids. And people crave for that diluted liquid containing Love substance. Wake up man!!!

This is a good read https://www.spiritualawakeningprocess.com/2014/03/love-and-search-for-validation.html

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On 20/05/2020 at 7:57 AM, Serotoninluv said:

I find it helpful to observe the underlying feeling. . . . There are different underlying feelings/energetics driving the desire. For example, I may have a creative idea that I know my friend Sally may like. I may get really excited to share this with Sally. I text her my creation and wait for anticipation for her response. . . . This is a different orientation than seeking attention for validation. For example, I might be feeling Incomplete and insecure. I may desire attention from Sally to fill this sense of incompleteness and that I’m good enough. 

Dude, it's time for you to burn some incense, shed a tear and let Sally go. 

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On 19.5.2020 at 11:46 PM, Ampresus said:

Hello everyone.

Recently I discovered, after some inner work, how much attention I crave from people. I always fantasized about ways in which I would get a lot of attention from people I don’t know or people I do know. I’m talking about acting not like myself to stand out, try to gain publicity on social media networks or purposefully not approach friends but to wait till I get approached instead. I’m sure it stems from my past, probably something like not getting enough attention from my parents when I was younger. 
 

Is the solution here that I should stop caring about what other people think of me? Or is it something else? Have you guys ever dealt with this type of stuff?

Thanks in advance. 

Your problem is that you think that there's something wrong with a need for attention and that you need to get rid of it. Why? How does it make you "a bad person" if you need attention? That's your shadow.

You are meeting the need in toxic ways, because you think there's something wrong with you. What you need to do is accept the need and meet it in non-toxic ways, such as get on stage to perform or whatever floats your boat. Get up there and tell everyone, "I love attention".

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Posted (edited)

I notice a trend in spiritual people who crave attention is that they often try to show the exact opposite to the world, and somehow to themselves. They tend to hide and repress their truth instead of leaning into it and doing it consciously. Every small act they do says on the exterior that they don't even care about attention, but for the keen observer, it's pretty clear what they're doing and why it's a lack of self-love. It's pretty much a shadow issue. They secretly crave being important, yet they act as if they don't even care. Subconsciously, they think if they act detached, the attention would be a lot bigger. They judge seeking attention, yet they want it the most. So, they seek to have it in a very twisted way, which they think would portray them as highly moral and detached. And while it does to a certain extent, but it keeps them stuck where they are, without fulfilling their need for attention and without succeeding in uncovering their shadows. The ego is one tricky beast.

I believe Teal Swan has a video called: self-sacrifice is the most self-centred thing there is. I find it somewhat related to this topic.

Edited by The observer

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