mandyjw

Feeling isolated after awakening

33 posts in this topic

I had a recent awakening and before  I had a few close relationships. I always counted on those people for deep conversations but now I either leave them very concerned about me or I have to be very careful what I say. I'm mourning the loss of those conversations that were from the heart. 

My Dad has always been really outrageous and open minded so I shared just the very basics of my awakening and life recently with him today. At the end he said "Don't go too crazy with it," and I told him there wasn't such a thing as crazy and he disagreed and I knew that I went too far. I know that I need to be careful with what I say in the future. My heart is a bit broken.

 I'm a bit addicted to this forum because it's the only place I have to ground me in feeling like I'm ok and I need it to assure myself that it's ok to be crazy. I feel too immature and niave to know what I know, and I feel like I cheated to get here, I didn't even really believe that there was a here. I feel like I should be more mindful, present and independent but the signs and sychronisities throw me off more than ever. I should have my life together more by now but I don't.

I'm lucky to have my husband and a friend in real life who understand as best as they can but they all suggest or say that I'm crazy if I say too much.

Has anyone dealt with this? I know that without the help of the forum I would be in very big trouble but I dont want to have an internet addiction for the rest of my life either.

 


Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

I should have my life together more by now but I don't.

 

1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

I'm lucky to have my husband and a friend in real life who understand as best as they can but they all suggest or say that I'm crazy if I say too much.

Has anyone dealt with this? I know that without the help of the forum I would be in very big trouble but I dont want to have an internet addiction for the rest of my life either.

ive dealt with this for almost 2 years now. We don't have to get what we crave from here. You seem pretty extroverted so this must be even tougher for you. I have developed a fear to get too close to people during this integration process. I basically have no friends in my city and mainly toxic family to interact with, other than strangers. ive probably gotten a little too comfortable being alone because it doesn't fit all the aspects of myself

It is probably unavoidable initially to have that need to share your wisdom with others, but it will fade away and life can/will carry on. The mind uses spirituality as a new way to feel secure. The only addiction anyone ever has is their addiction to thoughts.

Edit: It's taken me this long to realize much of my future growth will be in new experiences integrating boundaries without being tied down to a specific ideology or set of beliefs. 

Edited by DrewNows

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Posted (edited)

@mandyjw

You want roses without them thorns.

You want paradise without them devils.

You want the sun without them clouds.

There is a love light in the storm, and it's calling you.

You're your hero. Face your fears.

There's nothing to fear.

❤️

Edited by Truth Addict

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This is very common for people on the path. Reality is radical. Way more radical than even your usual person can begin processing. They literally can't handle it. They would go crazy themselves if they knew it all at once. 

And the more you continue, the less people can follow. This is going to be something you will have to accept. But don't worry. There is no rush. And you will make it past as many have before. 

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“Isolation” and or “loneliness”...are fear of the actuality of nonduality (a veil)h. A fear of what is conceptually unknown, but turns out to be what you Know more than any concept. 

You’ve been calling Enlightenment with a Mandy-sized-meta-megaphone.  Now that phone is ringing  (kinda proportionately to your calling of it) , the ‘ringing’ sounds like fear, so you’re hesitant to answer. Pick it up, say hello? Just see who’s there, no biggie. Or don’t. But don’t not answer and spread your “not answering fear” around to those who love you unconditionally, who need you unconditionally.

The ‘addiction’ will play itself out. You’re getting a lot, growing a lot, it’s useful. The perspective “addiction” denotes a sense of lack of attention elsewhere. If you could snap you’re fingers and one or two things would just be magically ‘taken care of’, what would they be? 

Opening the mind, going from dualistic asleep, to nondual awakened....you reach a point where understanding and Alone meet. If you seek enlightenment, yet still desire to be understood by another, inspect that desire. Get to the root of it. Why do I want / need to be understood? What do I gain when I’d understood?  What would I lose if no one understood me again? 

Also, notice the Flip from thinking about what other people are thinking about you and what you’re thinking about yourself - to your actual experience here now. Stay in your actual experience. Thinking about what people are thinking about must go. Consider understanding someone, versus saying “you don’t understand!” to someone. Do you see how off putting that is? It only happens when you’re thinking about what they’re thinking about. It’s inherently insulting. 

With your dad...if you said “I’m crazy!”, and he’s been seeing a you which is liberating, freeing, filled with love & happiness...he’d probably laugh and say just be careful, or something light & similar. But he’s seeing emotional suppression, and he’s probably concerned for you. That is a very different “I’m crazy!”, and there is no need to put your dad through that. It comes on the foundation of needing to be understood. Accept that and do the work yourself. Don’t bug dad. He’s got his own experience. Be a positive manifestation of Love & Truth, bring that into his experience. 

Side note, be selfless to you hubby and kids. Then, when you’re filled with love & tears, and you’ve realized your grace & selflessness - then - through it in the garbage, and realize you haven’t even scratched the surface of the Love you can be in your family. You would not trade them for the world, so, don’t. There is a pace where you can have you cake and eat it to, a Right pace if you will. You’ll find that groove. The awakening is usually followed by big ups, and eventually big downs. The value of daily meditation, 30 mins, and hour a day - is really shining here. It becomes the Right, in the storm. Ya call the storm without the Right, it’s gonna be rocky for a bit. Smoother times are coming, all is Well, all is Divine. That made you who you are, This is too. Be patient, LOVE yourself unabashedly. 

I’ve seen only one other person which I would say was inexplicably “given” the gift of awakening. By given, I mean without years or decades of practices, trips, etc. Do not use your gift as ammunition to feed into thinking it is a “curse”. It is not a curse. 


  Nonduality & Meditations         

Empty your head, fulfill your heart       

 

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Posted (edited)

@mandyjw What do you mean by Awakening Mandy ?

How is your experience of life ?

What happened/is happening ?

Edited by Shin

If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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I have dealt with this. You come to a place where not many people have come, and as you might have noticed this place can't be translated to people through words. When I first had a big awakening I was pretty scared, because it was like I had teleported into a whole other dimension. When I tried to explain what had happened to my sister she got very worried and she thought that I was going crazy just like you. I had a very hard time having no one to talk to about this to. I felt loneliness times infinity, because I realized that no one really exists, I couldn't eat the whole week. But no need to worry, I thought I was gonna be in this hell for eternity, and that wasn't the case. I learned to accept the loneliness to an extent and I now don't feel it the same way. Since then there has been a lot of growth on my part, and a lot of clearing, there is still sometimes some loneliness in the background but I don't let my mind run away with that feeling. We are essentially alone and we will be alone forever, it can be an unsettling message for the ego but if it is embraced it can bring more intimacy than you have ever experienced. 

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5 hours ago, mandyjw said:

My Dad has always been really outrageous and open minded so I shared just the very basics of my awakening and life recently with him today. At the end he said "Don't go too crazy with it," and I told him there wasn't such a thing as crazy and he disagreed and I knew that I went too far.

That happens with my wife, I can't talk about spirituality with her anymore.


The Matrix is everywhere, it is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window, or you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

Morpheus (The Matrix)

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While in general its good not to discuss this topic with many of your loved ones, I think it's important for some to find one person in their personal life that you can share at least a bit of your spiritual growth/awakening moment with.  It could give you some extra perspective.  Maybe it's not your dad, but don't stress out about it too much.

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Posted (edited)

Thanks everyone. :x

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

The ‘addiction’ will play itself out. You’re getting a lot, growing a lot, it’s useful. The perspective “addiction” denotes a sense of lack of attention elsewhere. If you could snap you’re fingers and one or two things would just be magically ‘taken care of’, what would they be? 

 

The housework, giving the kids more structure, and relying less on screentime to keep them occupied because I'm off in lala land. Those things were always a huge challenge before this though. I can't decide if I'm giving up my business, taking a break or or keeping it. I feel like I'm letting people down, but it seems really unimportant in the scheme of things now. 

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

 

Opening the mind, going from dualistic asleep, to nondual awakened....you reach a point where understanding and Alone meet. If you seek enlightenment, yet still desire to be understood by another, inspect that desire. Get to the root of it. Why do I want / need to be understood? What do I gain when I’d understood?  What would I lose if no one understood me again? 

Abraham Hicks talked about this and it made a lot of sense to me before I had the awakening. I wish i could remember everything she said but I understood that we can't be understood on the level of mind, just connected. I forget though. 

This need is bigger than having others understand me, it's a need to want to understand myself, to want to know how I fit into things and how others see me or what i can do for them. So I look to others to give it to me when it's an impossible task for them or myself. 

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

With your dad...if you said “I’m crazy!”, and he’s been seeing a you which is liberating, freeing, filled with love & happiness...he’d probably laugh and say just be careful, or something light & similar. But he’s seeing emotional suppression, and he’s probably concerned for you. That is a very different “I’m crazy!”, and there is no need to put your dad through that. It comes on the foundation of needing to be understood. Accept that and do the work yourself. Don’t bug dad. He’s got his own experience. Be a positive manifestation of Love & Truth, bring that into his experience. 

I see now that I was trying to use him to understand myself. I thought that he is a huge part of the puzzle because he has the same sort of bizarre personality I have, a really big heart, always trying to connect with people in some way or another but always feeling like a fool for it. He said that a coworker strongly rebuked him for talking about politics at work and it really upset him. That's my same personality, always talking about things I shouldn't be. The parallels are so funny and ironic now that I think about the entire conversation. 

Edited by mandyjw

Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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Posted (edited)

12 hours ago, Shin said:

@mandyjw What do you mean by Awakening Mandy ?

How is your experience of life ?

What happened/is happening ?

I had an awakening on the forum, at the start of April as strange as that sounds. I still don't understand everything that happened, it involved some channeling and happened when I made an inexplicable connection with someone I met here. I started seeing signs, started receiving messages and guidance from things. I'm understanding more of the how and why, but all of it is love, pure love. I hope that someday I'll be able to write out my understanding of what happened more concisely for other's benefit. I highly doubt that there will be any takeaways like specific directions, so I'll might be as disappointing as Eckhart Tolle when it comes to specifics. Here's one specific, it feels like there's space between my eyes and I feel sensations there when I do certain things or certain things happen. I'm still the type of person who bursts out laughing about woo woo stuff sometimes. It's all a hilarious joke. 

Edited by mandyjw

Light on Earth The power of love came into me,
and I became fierce like a lion,
then tender like the evening star.” - Rumi

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Posted (edited)

@mandyjw its actually quite simple, our consciousness is infused with non-duality and god, a consciousness which is holistic, with everyone else, this doesn't even exist as a possibility- therefore for 99.7% of people its a hoax, being on this forum may make you feel (or in fact being around spiritual people) that this is REAL AND PHYSICAL (PHYSICAL CONSCIOUSNESS) however, the majority of the world does not consider this REAL. There is no proof of it either - all the people on this forum are infused directly with god consciousness from leo saying the truth, its an indirect process and therefore your reality (your creating) is different to the average person. as i've said our viewpoints count towards 0.0028% of 7.7 billion perspectives, with no tangiable evidence OR measurement ORR rationale or logic. 

Since we've been in god consciousness for a while (no matter what scale you are on the spritual scale, as soon as you enter from the beggining, you've already hit the 0.0028% regardless this is how small of the category is, it even takes into account people who are aware of it. 

simply put you are crazy, thats just the cold heart fact, all evidence points to and no amount of convincing others that your statements contain rationale will work, because their paradigms can not instraspect and for that matter will not feel the need to, because your logic is post rationale and theirs is just rationale, meaning your rationale is only understandable by 0.0028%. 

Given this information, if you wish to plunder into the depths of crazyness and never worry about someone elses opinion then you may continue however, you will always be burdened with the problem you are causing those around you psychological issues with the words you sprout about this perspective that literally does not exist to 99.7% of 7.7 billion people

let me put it in another way- you've been brainwashed by leo but you don't even know it, would be the synonymous viewpoint if the 7.7 billion people evaluated his teachings. your friends, neighbours, family etc.. the fact that its impossible to visual 7.7 billion proportionally people is unhelpful aswell, 

(note: i'm not talking about the validity of leo's teachings, the outcome would be the same whether its true or false you would be seen as brainwashed)

Edited by Aakash

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Read my full post. The problem is that your SO isn't conscious enough to see who he actualy is and therefore ressists your understanding because he is stuck in the ego mind. You will have problems with him in the future because I probably can guarantee he will dismiss enlightenment and think of it as a idea, not being the actual thing. Believe me, being awoke with your partner is the best feeling ever, you know that you are IT and your partner know that too, when you look them in the eyes you see that he is conscious and that he sees that in you also. More couples should attain enlightenment, I was lucky that my wife grasped that, it autocorrected alot of stuff, and now she actualy understands what I mean by speaking some deep stuff. Really think about what you want, dont let your husband drag you back to unconsciousness, and also go into it, I can see you havent attained it FULLY! Being lost is not knowing the truth. When you know it you will feel it and it will feel like steel.

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@inFlow out of interest, how do you react and relate to people outside of those you know are conscious of the truth? or even better yet, do you even do that lol 

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35 minutes ago, Aakash said:

@inFlow out of interest, how do you react and relate to people outside of those you know are conscious of the truth? or even better yet, do you even do that lol 

I ve always been insane and my first enlightenment was at 3 when a kid try to hide a rock in a candy paper. I had 'fear' and rage and started being aware of myself. Why ?

I asked at 8 to people at each age did they start to know they are 'alive' most didn't get it.

At 6 I asked myself if everyone see the same color than me in the pov or if that was just my teaching of life who push me to believe 'this color' is red.

Now I tend to have a smile and makes everyone upgrade to my stage or give free mental death. Free self improvement in a tender way' adapted. I make them doubt of their logic.

 

I have no time to wake up. I talk to enlightened people only ( the more possible ) musician are a lot.

Music is my high work to desintegrate all basic ego from the World at higher scale.

 


NoBrainStorming x:/x: limit

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but there are people out there who dont talk about enlightenment, they talk about cars, science, politics in all its falsity, they have no interest on being correct to a specific degree, but only have an interest to the amount it benefits them. They don't have underlying metaphysical understandings and have no interest in questioning such things because they are 100% right in their eyes 

limiting yourself to spiritual circle only serves to reinforce your already developed god conscious reality, but it seems like myself, we are excluding other realities because we know them not to be true. 

even if they're wrong, can you guys communicate with them without bringing your insanity into it?

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1 hour ago, inFlow said:

Read my full post. The problem is that your SO isn't conscious enough to see who he actualy is and therefore ressists your understanding because he is stuck in the ego mind. You will have problems with him in the future because I probably can guarantee he will dismiss enlightenment and think of it as a idea, not being the actual thing. Believe me, being awoke with your partner is the best feeling ever, you know that you are IT and your partner know that too, when you look them in the eyes you see that he is conscious and that he sees that in you also. More couples should attain enlightenment, I was lucky that my wife grasped that, it autocorrected alot of stuff, and now she actualy understands what I mean by speaking some deep stuff. Really think about what you want, dont let your husband drag you back to unconsciousness, and also go into it, I can see you havent attained it FULLY! Being lost is not knowing the truth. When you know it you will feel it and it will feel like steel.

 

Where did you get that impression from ?


If you want the moon, do not hide from the night
If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns
If you want love, do not hide from yourself

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@Aeris even so this dodges my point, in this current time period- the 99.7% of the people are right and we the 0.0028% are wrong. then you have the 0.01% of those 0.0028% who are enlightened where the 100% are right lol, 

 

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