Anirban657

I am scared of women

25 posts in this topic

I am scared of women. Because I put them on a pedestal and I think they are more special than men. My neck freezes when I think of looking at a girl who I might like.

I am also a feminine man. I am 19. I guess I need to go out and date women to become more masculine. 

The thing I need help with is how do I become more masculine and not be afraid of women?

Thank you.


"Becoming 'awake' involves seeing our own confusion more clearly"-Rumi

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1 minute ago, Anirban657 said:

I put them on a pedestal and I think they are more special than men. [...]

I guess I need to go out and date women to become more masculine. 

There you go. You already know what to do: Change your mindset, drop those ideas about women which aren't true and then start to get to know some actual women.


Hard times create strong men. 
Strong men create good times. 
Good times create weak men.
Weak men create hard times.

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@Shiva wow... I understood. But It's so scary.


"Becoming 'awake' involves seeing our own confusion more clearly"-Rumi

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Yeah, I struggle with this too.

I'm too scared to approach a woman I find attractive directly, out of fear of rejection.

It's easier to say 'eh, whatever, she's not that hot anyway' to myself but then that frustration builds up. It's not nice when it vents. 

I noticed a belief that says 'being open with you intentions is a sure way to rejection,' and 'you have to hide your attraction' so I try to be subtle when getting to know a girl.

It rarely works and when it does, the connection is weak. 

The stronger the attraction, the stronger the fear.

Is it really all about the mindset? Do I just have to get to know girls and be open with my intentions until my mind starts to understand that there is nothing to fear?

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2 hours ago, Guided said:

Is it really all about the mindset? Do I just have to get to know girls and be open with my intentions until my mind starts to understand that there is nothing to fear?

Yeah, when you are aware of your thoughts its a matter then of just drilling the proper mindsets into your sub-conscious. Remember that it acts on repetition. If you fear rejection your body will see it as bad and come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid the possibility. Your goal should to get rejected. Get rejected as many times as possible. It acts as a sort of exposure therapy so rejection is no longer scary. 

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17 hours ago, Guided said:

Is it really all about the mindset? Do I just have to get to know girls and be open with my intentions until my mind starts to understand that there is nothing to fear?

Yes :)

Oh and don't expect the fear to go away, rather learn to enjoy it as a little adrenaline burst to kick you into gear when it matters.

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@Anirban657

I would send the intent out to meet some masculine energy oriented women.

When you meet one, they will help you See through these fears of yours. 

You will tune into their masculinity naturally, and be turned on by it. They in turn will be attracted to your feminine nature.

Relax about needing to change.

Meet a masculine women, and in process with her, she will move more into her femimine. You will move gently towards your masculine. You will both benefit massivly.

A feminine man is truely rare. You will be in pursuit of by her. She will find you. Don't try look for her, she will hunt you. This is part of her task. Your role is to surrender into her prey.

She will also get you to see past all these fears for what they are; dirty, disempowering cultural conditioning.

Arise from this relationship/date/encounter, a balanced man. I believe this will be your path to adulthood and maturity.

Enjoy. Will be inspiring to hear from you in 6 months. By this point, you will be on your Heros Journey.

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Posted (edited)

It's scary, but the funny thing is, once you've faced your fears, they will seem like they were totally hollow in retrospect (which is always the case with fear anyway).

I recommend two things:

1) contemplation. Write down everything you fear about women and contemplate the shit out of them.

2) cold approach. Do at least one approach a day or every two days. 

Realize that women are just human beings. They have their own problems and insecurities. 

What you're really scared of is not really the women themselves, it's your own images you project onto the women. Interacting with lots of women will help dispel those false images. 

Edited by see_on_see

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Posted (edited)

Rejection will only make you stronger. Don't fear it. Embrace it. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 26, I also lost my virginity at that age. Prior to that I've been rejected a lot. I never saw rejection as a big deal, and this is coming from a rather insecure guy. If you find yourself one day being rejected by a girl, don't start making up crazy stories in your head about why she rejected you. Just move on. Don't even waste a minute trying to analyze it. Rejection is awesome, don't forget that. Rejection will harden you. It will make you a man! As long as you don't see it as a failure but rather progress.

Edited by 8Ball

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Posted (edited)

....

Edited by 8Ball

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What a pussy. Don't be scared of girls man.


Truth is stranger than fiction.

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Posted (edited)

On 13/3/2019 at 7:43 PM, Anirban657 said:

I am scared of women. Because I put them on a pedestal and I think they are more special than men. My neck freezes when I think of looking at a girl who I might like.

I am also a feminine man. I am 19. I guess I need to go out and date women to become more masculine. 

The thing I need help with is how do I become more masculine and not be afraid of women?

Thank you.

In case you haven´t put to it already, stop your porn use if you have any. Depending (because there are people that are fine watching porn) on your history, there´s already plenty of evidence that cronic use of pornography can cause some serious delusionary thinking patterns and anxiety disorders, towards women and by the way, just towards social interacion in general.

Then you can "come back" if you stop seeing women as sexualized as you probably do. But for now I would suggest quitting porn will deliver the most short-term benefits. 

Edited by Javfly33

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Posted (edited)

On 16/3/2019 at 0:26 AM, see_on_see said:

It's scary, but the funny thing is, once you've faced your fears, they will seem like they were totally hollow in retrospect (which is always the case with fear anyway).

I recommend two things:

1) contemplation. Write down everything you fear about women and contemplate the shit out of them.

2) cold approach. Do at least one approach a day or every two days. 

Realize that women are just human beings. They have their own problems and insecurities. 

What you're really scared of is not really the women themselves, it's your own images you project onto the women. Interacting with lots of women will help dispel those false images. 

That´s quite brilliant. But let me turn it inside out a little bit that phrase to get deep:

If I remember correctly, my transition from obssevie-maniatic-delusion thinking to a healthy sexuality and interaction with women (which I am still completing) was characterized by constant self-sabotages of myself denying some truh my mind was clearly discovering.

For example, I would have a cristalline insight of how delusional is sexual objetification, I would want to grasp it, but my mind would not want to accept it, even though that would mean healing, becase for my mind accepting that would mean letting go of attached sexual fantasies and perspectives that mind is terrifying of letting go because it means that in part of me is fake, it means accepting the mind created all to fill the emptyness the mind is so afraid of, just like any addiction.

 

Edited by Javfly33

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Your mistake here is to think that you can think your way out of this. A problem cannot be solved from the paradigm within which it was created.

You need to have a direct experience of being rejected by a woman and still being alive afterwards. Smiling pretty quickly again afterwards even.

Nothing but direct experience will fix this.

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On 14/03/2019 at 2:11 PM, flowboy said:

Yes :)

Oh and don't expect the fear to go away, rather learn to enjoy it as a little adrenaline burst to kick you into gear when it matters.

I reckon it's good advice from Flowboy... I used to be terrified of women too, and I likewise put them on a pedestal... I managed to overcome all that through a phase of PUA fixation... I'm a bit older now, and have sort of grown past all that, but it was a crucial phase of my growth... real change can happen in this area of your life, but making a friend of that fear, and learning to channel it into action, will be more effective than trying to get rid of the fear... the fear will go away when you expose yourself to it enough... Good luck on your mission!

Lucas

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@Anirban657 Approaching women will make you more confident especially if you see some success. Although the only way to become more masculine is to spend time with masculine people(unfortunately)


You can't be enlightened, no one can.;)

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Posted (edited)

Go on chatroulette and each time you stumble upon girls do/say something stupid/awkward, don't skip her until she does so.

Make stupid faces, just smile, say stupid humiliating things about yourself, ideally make yourself crying pathetically but still don't skip. And keep in mind that the goal is to face the fear of embarrassment, not to make her like you. If she doesn't like you you'll have one more chance with another girl, and one more, and once again, we've got lots of girls out there.

Then apply this strategy in real life step by step: look each girl into eyes, make silly faces etc. Increase the level of idiocy slowly, like levels in a computer game: ten times looked into their eyes and didn't stop until they passed -> achievement unlocked -> level up, ten times smiled -> achievement unlocked -> level up, ten times made stupid face -> achievement unlocked -> level up.

Be a fucking creep, don't be afraid, nothing serious is gonna happen, just don't do anything offensive and you'll be fine.

What's the smallest challenge you can come up with to do this week to perform for ten times? Something that is scary enough to do but still doable so that you don't give up.

Praise yourself each time you didn't give up and encourage to try again if you did, be a good boy, you're assured in victory. ;)

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Edited by Privet

 

 

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@Anirban657 You just need more practice and experience with them, that is all. As with all things, practice makes perfect.

At 19 you basically have zero experience. So of course you feel that way.


"Be melting snow. Wash yourself of yourself." -- Rumi

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