Hardkill

How often do women really get approached?

16 posts in this topic

Hey guys, it's been a while since I was last here on this forum. I have a burning question that I've lately been wanting to get answered.

My question has to do with whether or not women often get approached constantly. I've been hearing from various dating experts including dating experts such as Locario, 33secrets, Mystery, etc. that women, especially the cute girls get approached all the time wherever they go because they are the ones who usually wait for the man to do the approach like tradition dictates and there are so many horny guys out there who are trying so hard to hit on practically any girl they think they can get either just to get sex or to desperately get a girlfriend. However, I've been hearing from a myriad of dating experts such as Hayley Quinn that most women don't get approached much if ever at all. In fact, she even did an social experiment vid where she stood out in the city of London for a long time, and even tried out various clothing styles to see which type of clothing styles would get her the most attention and attract the most amount of guys to approach and flirt with her. The results at the end of the experiment were that no guys really ever tried to hit on her at all, regardless of how sexy or stylish she looked. So, I am confused by this contradiction of information between the various the dating experts out there. Which or what do you think is actually the truth, guys?

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It used to happen all the time for me, prior to having a family. Now, I mostly go out with my family and I'm close to thirty so it doesn't happen very often anymore.

But when I was college age and going places by myself with a lot of people around, I could be approached easily 3+ times in an outing. And I'm not some gorgeous siren of a woman either. I'm pretty average.

When I was 20 and I was single, I was approached so much that it was disturbing as I was often in this pedestrian area of town. So, it would happen tons of times. And having that amount of attention eventually makes you feel like a piece of meat, even if most of the guys didn't do anything particularly weird. It's the volume that gets really disturbing.

Then, that compounded by the male attention that I would get from friends and acquaintances, would make it to where I had a very complicated relationship with male attention. On one hand, I liked being attractive to men in general. I was always a very sexual interested person. But on the other hand, when it's coming at you full force, it's super uncomfortable and creates this push/pull kind of dynamic. This is especially true if there are creepy experiences weaved into the normal ones, where a guy is too pushy or unaware of boundaries or clingy etc.

Perhaps, I was approached more often than most because I was not so sheltered and was out and about a lot by myself. I'm also very nice and approachable. I am also ever-so-slightly above average in level of attractiveness, but not so attractive that I feel like I'm too far out of anyone's league. 

So, perhaps this was just the witches brew.

But I have a lot of friends who have had similar experiences. So, it's definitely more common than not.

But I have also had friends who were equivalent in level of attractiveness, but a bit more sheltered and a bit more guarded who would rarely get approached. And I think it has to do with men's ability to intuit who's approachable and who's not, as well as who's sexually open and who's not. 

But if I had to give you a number of how many times I've been approached or hit on... I wouldn't be surprised if it weren't in the thousands. 


Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/thediamondnet 

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@Hardkill  I don't consider myself a specialist but i think it depends on what city (small/big) you live and what country. It also depends on what place (club, school, public place) and the presence of the girl (is she open or just standing with her friends not trying to make any contact). But i think girls don't get approached that often. I have done few approaches and one time a girl said 'i like the fact you came to talk to me, not a lot guys do that'. and i was really i thought you get approached all the time.

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@Emerald I’m curious, with all that consistent attention, were you attracted to guys that didn’t approach you? Not the insecure ones. The guys that were cool, yet were kinda doing their own thing. The guy that might not be available even if you wanted him to approach you.

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4 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

@Emerald I’m curious, with all that consistent attention, were you attracted to guys that didn’t approach you? Not the insecure ones. The guys that were cool, yet were kinda doing their own thing. The guy that might not be available even if you wanted him to approach you.

It was almost always that way. I would really really like someone, and it was always like, "He probably doesn't like me back." And then being afraid he would see my interest in him and think of me as weird, and just trying not to act like a spaz. And 95% of the time, my crushes went nowhere.

So, hardly any of that male attention really counted for anything. The only cold approach that ever actually went anywhere was with my husband. But only because he was really good at knowing what women like in general and really sweeping me off my feet. So, I had met him a couple nights prior to our first date and wasn't too interested, but by the end of our first date I definitely was obsessed with him. 

But this was the ONLY time it ever happened. As a general rule, I always found men who start out romantic/sexual with me uninteresting because it's so common and it takes away all the mystery and tension. It's really a dime a dozen, and I know that they probably just run the same script for every woman that will take them. And since the aphrodisiac for me is to feel special and desired in particular, it's just boring to be approached by a pick-up guy.

So, I often found myself attracted to men who were reserved and didn't have their sexuality right out in the open. And I enjoyed the longing of not knowing and wondering where things would go. 

So, it was almost always like "Water. Water everywhere. But not a drop to drink." with male attention. 


Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/thediamondnet 

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5 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Hayley Quinn that most women don't get approached much if ever at all. In fact, she even did an social experiment vid where she stood out in the city of London for a long time, and even tried out various clothing styles to see which type of clothing styles would get her the most attention and attract the most amount of guys to approach and flirt with her. The results at the end of the experiment were that no guys really ever tried to hit on her at all, regardless of how sexy or stylish she looked. So, I am confused by this contradiction of information between the various the dating experts out there. Which or what do you think is actually the truth, guys?

So that means there are men out there (and women too) who actually want a good, lasting relationship. They don't just want a random stranger out on the streets who they don't even know and have no topics of interest or something deep to talk about. 

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This is a question that is loaded with agenda, when people answer them. For example Hayle Quin (didnt know her but she is amusing), as a dating expert she might have an agenda in mind. Random girls you ask maybe want to give an attractive answer. Also for some girl being approached often means to her 2 times a year, while another girl might sees 2 times a day as often. Its like asking people "do you get a lot of money?" - its different for everyone.

Why do you feel its such a burning desire in you to know - is the better question I would say.

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In my experience no. I don't get approached at all. I have had guys come and talk to me (within the group we are in say for example) about random stuff so maybe that's there way of approaching. But definitely don't get guys coming up to me asking me for my number directly or whatever. In my humble opinion, guys seem very insecure and can't even maintain eye contact during a conversation. 

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This would depend a lot on what culture you're in. Swedish guys are not as flirty as Americans for example.

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@Hardkill

It depends on the girl obviously, but they absolutely get approached. I hear the horror stories all the time from female friends.

Take a nightclub as an example. One of the reasons attractive women want to sit in the VIP section is because they won’t have to deal with the hordes of guys groping at them in GA. It’s not that they’re superficial whores, which is how most people view that.

But even that isn’t safe, because as soon as she opens up her Instagram she is likely going to get hit with DMs and dick pics. Especially if she has a large following.

My assumption is that Hayley Quinn is probably trying to inspire her clients to approach more. These are guys who are already scared to approach, so if you tell that women get approached all the time and often find it creepy, it’s just going to scare them even more.

A better belief in that scenario would be that women rarely get approached and enjoy when it happens, therefore allowing you to approach free of guilt.

So it really depends on what they guy is struggling with. If he is too aggresive and oblivious to what the girl is experiencing, he needs more empathy. But if he is too scared to do anything, you need to loosen the chains a bit.

 

 


My name is Austin Kourakin. Life Coach with a passion for personal development.

YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeimIF08Jl8OPJ6JVzmYudQ

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@aurum I think this is mainly a cultural issue. Youre American, you wouldnt believe how different and closed people can be in Europe, espeically UK. 
As an empath, when I arrive in the UK I literally have a mental breakdown just from taking in and feeling all the repressed unresolved pain in the people around me, for me personally its a trial by fire to be able to stand tall in the presence of such density and have my own sensitivities not completely paralyze me.
But to make the point, when I was landing in Torronto for a summer job at camp, the energy was so welcoming and lovely, I literally felt instantly at home, safe and at ease. Of course guys are gonna be more extraverted, outgoing and approaching in places where opennes and safety are the names of the emotional atmosphere. 

Edited by Martin123

Hey, you are cute!

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I also dont get approached at all, and I’m brunette tall curvy woman, I think men nowadays are very insecure, and I tend to be attracted to quiet guys since the ones who have the confidence to talk, when they do it’s usually lly a lot of nonsense so I find their depth really fast, besides that I also have a theory that introverts are more intelligent.. actually I was about to open a topic about that. What’s happening to men?! O.o 

Or it it me? 

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Some various experts dating that you said, I know only Mystery. Such as Mystery say you seduction too old. Thirty years ago things aren't how today, app dating don't exist that  they exist today, only way for to know women were one to approach hers live. Nowadays, with use from all these app dating, approach live it use much less than past.

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It would be better for a woman to take control of the results by approaching attractive men than to choose among random unattractive guys that approach her.

Edited by CreamCat

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One of the biggest thing that's missing here is taking the time to know the other person and being true to oneself. I bet most ppl don't like fake ppl.

These hotgirls found their life purpose and are authentic to themselves:

I know someone who married a man, and she's not even a hotgirl. Far from it! This means that the inside counts more.

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@MsNobody

"a survey carried out by MTV in January, which surveyed 1,800 men and women aged 18 to 25, revealed that nearly one in three men “were worried something [they’ve] done could be perceived as sexual harassment.""

Source: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/dating-me-too-era-rules-sexual-harassment-flirting-a8314876.html

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