Living alone - how to live in solitude

[Pramit]

Due to personal circumstances, I sometimes find myself alone in a small room for extended periods of time - with very little human contact. In these circumstances, I experience a gradual sense of numbness and lethargy. Then when this period ends, I find myself relieved when I talk to someone - like I am myself again. I will not lie, I am a loner - I find it difficult to make friends easily, and it is just getting harder as time passes and I find myself increasingly isolated due to various personal reasons. Thus, I find it surprising that I am not good with solitude (at least not as good as I thought I was). I know that there is a fascination with going out of society for the spiritually minded person. Moving out of the artificial constructs of society, the false sense of security, can sometimes induce feelings of euphoria that is outside the realm of ordinary consciousness. I have experienced these feelings myself. But these things are temporary, a symptom of the cognitive enrichment that occurs when one goes outside their niche. True solitude, like a solitary confinement is much more difficult to bear, almost like we are part of a hive mind and going outside it causes pain and suffering. But I know the stories - it has been done. And I also know that its not as good as it sounds - nothing is ever as good as it sounds. 

So I would like to ask this question - how can one live a life of solitude without losing oneself? And should one even try to attempt this? 

[How to be wise]

@Pramit Just make sure you’re not doing it because of ANY negative emotion, or you’ll regret the decision in the future. There are ways to completely purge your negative emotions in a matter of months, so watch out for any escaping.

[StephenK]

I've spent many weeks on end outdoors with no human contact. Personally, I love it. It's how I recharge. It may have a lot to do with how you're wired though. Sometimes when it comes to introversion, it is hard to tell how much of it (the introversion) is because of nature or nurture. There is a balance for you -- you just need to find it. It will take time (as most things do).

[Dorotheus]

It is possible to do, but that requires some verry hard work. It is possible because you were always alone to begin with. But this is not something you do after 1 insight into the nature of loneliness but rather after so many insights that the richness of being just overwelms you. 

So keep doing the work, like I do, and realise this.

When you do this you are not likely to lose yourself.

 

[Shin]

If you are an extrovert , I think this is quite a bad idea, it won't be natural and you will feel miserable.

Now I'm not sure from reading your post if you literally have no choice of being alone, or if you do it on purpose (because of your second question).

You can do it, especially if you're introvert, but even if you are, I would still suggest not too.

There is a lot of things to learn from other people.

Just an hour ago, someone gave me an idea that I thought wasn't possible for me, that will make my life way easier.

This kind of opportunity are rare yes, but they happen.

When you start to grasp that other people are your own reflection, you also start to see people as teachers/signs, it is already the case, but maybe it isn't as clear now.

This is one big reason, if you cut the socialisation part of your life, you also cut a huge chunk of yourself, you will have therefore less opportunity to reflect on your issues and your desires (even if they don't seem linked to that), let alone opportunities like I already mentioned.

So if your problem is that you're not social enough, or you don't know how to make more friends, or something similar, I personnaally don't think going for a solitude trip is a good idea, it will just make things worse than they should be (socializing with the wrong kind of people too though).

If you want to do it though, you need a really solid reason, like a fucking good reason, because you will miss on so much.

If you meet the right friends, the right kind of girlfriend/boyfriend for you, your capacity to grow will be so much more enhanced (at the condition you are whole and grounded by yourself).

They will (indirectly, and sometimes quite directly ) force you to grow with them, after all you are part of a whole, you will be influenced one way or another anyway.

The thing is, if you stay all by yourself, you won't have anyone to tell you're bullshitting yourself, and even though forums are nice for that, they don't replace a friend or a bf/gf literally telling you're full of shit when you are.

And maybe I'm crazy, but this is the best part of having a friend/intimate relationship for me ?

 

 

[Nahm]

@Pramit

To be truly enlightened, is to be completely alone. This would force the self inquiry, all is certainly well here, sans resistant thinking until enough inquiry occurs.  The veil, is “loneliness”, but like all fears, God has hidden truth just behind it - the euphoria is eternal.

[Arkandeus]

I've always felt like I was going to be the last one to disappear and turns out it really is so

I stopped believing in people in the human and ego sense, I see them as part of one life-form, I even see family and friends as such, although it was harder, first strangers disappeared, then acquintances, then family and friends

 it is not a concept as much as it is organic, something has disappeared in the face of other people... that something that made them human, that made them 'seriously real', now I see more flesh, more skin, more hair, as if I was looking at my own hand or leg, it doesn't feel like there's someone else in behind

But me, I'm still here, but these prolonged periods of solitude have left in me moments where I weirdly stop to believe in myself, its a rather strange feeling

I my world I am the last human alive somewhat, and I hope to die soon, so that I may be free

 

 

Edited October 4, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Hellspeed]

You have to lose yourself first, come back and then one is able to live in solitude, after awakens. 

Before awakening is a constant depression when alone. 

[PsiloPutty]

@Arkandeus   That's heavy as fuck.

[Arkandeus]

3 hours ago, PsiloPutty said:

@Arkandeus   That's heavy as fuck.

Quite so, sometimes you have to walk through empty halls before you reach the next room

But I am very optimistic, I do not deny bad experiences, they are an aspect of infinity, they can however remain mere foggy possibilities,  I believe we can all consciously chose to crystallize good experiences, if we acknowledge that our beliefs are essential to this

Edited October 5, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Privet]

21 hours ago, Pramit said:

So I would like to ask this question - how can one live a life of solitude without losing oneself? And should one even try to attempt this? 

What is the purpose of your solitude? Why stay alone?

[Pramit]

On 10/5/2018 at 7:44 PM, Privet said:

What is the purpose of your solitude? Why stay alone?

 

[Privet]

@Pramit It's quite possible to feel more lonely in relationships than alone. For me personally it's the case. I recently started a relationship that made me feel more lonely than when I was alone. And engagement is sometimes more effective to heal loneliness since there's nothing to trigger your hidden despair when you're alone.

The point I'm trying to make is that neither solitude nor engagement is the answer. You can learn and heal your devils from both. Romanticizing any of those is meaningless. They are equally meaningful modes of living and should both be mastered and balanced. Make sure you don't bullshit yourself you're loner just because it's romanticized in spiritual and creative circles, and because of the narcissism: "I'm so good I better stay alone", "I'm one of those cool loner guys".

Sometimes solitude may be an escape from fear of engagement. Make sure you're not running from inability to comfortably function in society and deal with neurotic shit that it triggers. That's why I asked why stay alone. It has to have some clear purpose, either to cut distractions for spiritual seeking or some creative project, or to heal inability to feel good by yourself (which is actually better processed by applying mindfulness practice to feeling of loneliness, meaning to consciously watch your loneliness/numbness/lethargy/craving/whatever till it doesn't bother you anymore, investigate how exactly you feel without interaction and what is the reason behind it; is that because you feel lonely?; or ungrounded?; or crave for stimulation of some sort?).

I also experience this lethargy when I don't interact with people for a long time, the reason for good feeling when you talk to people is that it makes you more grounded and present, you have to move out of your head and listen, engage. Try long walks outside for several hours. Or just go alone for some activities that you normally would do with someone. Find something that can ground you and provide with quality stimulation: creative project, mindful cleaning of your room, cooking, stuff that you procrastinated on for months like installing helpful apps on PC, deleting garbage files, fixing something, reading, journaling, systematization of your goals, activities, problems, the list can go on forever. Don't torture yourself with the level of boredom you can't handle yet (unless you are shitless spiritual seeker, has to be done adequately too though).

If you're so much into solitude you can try to seek for a job that will force you to stay alone. For example a security worker on some tourist base in non-tourist season away from people or something alike.

I guess the answer is to get creative and come up with interesting shit. There's more to solitude than plain suffering.

Edited October 8, 2018 by Privet

[Umar_uk]

Every single person alive is alone in their own aloneness.

There is nothing outside of your own aloneness, except other people alone in their own aloneness.

Even your beloved pets are alone in their own aloneness. One is the loneliest number. And that's why you are always and ever just this immediate pure liberated  freedom to be in every waking moment of your alone life.

Yep,  I'm the one and only, yours truely.

 

Edited October 10, 2018 by Umar_uk

[WelcometoReality]

@Pramit If you want to be alone, be alone. If you want to be around people, be around people. Why exclude one or the other?

If there is fear of being alone or around people but a need for it, meet that fear head on.

[The Don]

On 10/4/2018 at 7:45 PM, How to be wise said:

@Pramit Just make sure you’re not doing it because of ANY negative emotion, or you’ll regret the decision in the future. There are ways to completely purge your negative emotions in a matter of months, so watch out for any escaping.

Tell me a few ways on how to completely purge any negative emotions.

[How to be wise]

@The Don The Work of Byron Katie.

http://thework.com/en

Edited October 11, 2018 by How to be wise

[Joseph Maynor]

You can count your true friends in life on one hand.  I’m my own best friend and have been post college. I have a couple of good friends that I see occasionally.  But for the most part I prefer to be alone.  I don’t particularly care to be in relationships with the opposite sex either.  I enjoy my liberty fully.  I do enjoy my friends though and we go do fun things every once in a while like go to the movies or on a trip together.  But even with travel I prefer to do it alone.  Nothing is more fun for me than to do a solo international vacation to some exotic country by myself for 2 weeks.  Here’s how you can tell if you’ve got a true friend — are they compassionately affected by what’s going on with you, and do they hurt when you hurt and want to bring your life joy?  There’s a non-needy quality and a mutual respect quality to a true friendship.  There’s also an honesty and a non-manipulative quality and open communication.  A true friend sees you as part of them but in a non-possessory way.  

Edited October 11, 2018 by Joseph Maynor