StephenK

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About StephenK

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  1. I eat meat and yeah; in some sense I know that it is causing suffering. I am also a consumer and I participate in an economy that gives money to others that themselves eat meat. By merely existing in society, you are inducing suffering somewhere down the line. In all seriousness though, if minimizing suffering is the goal, then surely wiping out mankind would be seen as a virtuous goal? Go one step further, adopt Antinatalism as a world view? Hmmm....
  2. @Joseph Maynor I'm inclined to have this view of ego, as insight into not-self/non-duality/Self does not remedy the more subtle(and tricky) aspects of our conditioning, as you mentioned (primal fear responses, physical desires, preferences etc). As such, letting go of ego fully would mean a lack of desire for any conditioned phenomena -- in Buddhism, Nirvana is described the as liberation from repeated rebirth in Samsara. Using your description, would this be 'no longer being a system with an adaptive preference'?
  3. Had it since 2013. I use white-noise to mask the effects when I sleep. Took a few years to get over the anxiety about it -- now its just a part of life.
  4. We should just nuke the earth repeatedly and end all life -- no more suffering animals or people hahahaha! But if I eat meat, I am unconscious, so you cant blame me anyway. Judge not! hahaha! But wait, there is no 'me' that eats meat, so all's good hahaha! Blame the universe, suckers! Ohhhh shiiiitt.....
  5. To be fair, don't all spiritual texts/dialogues/conversations have that exact problem? Who is to say that science will not one day 'meet' spirituality and merge?
  6. @Mikael89 How old are you, and how long have you been engaged in spirituality?
  7. @Mikael89 What exactly is it that you want from us?
  8. @winterknight Do you still feel emotions such as guilt, shame, anger?
  9. @electroBeam In a sense, yes -- if your 'wants' are coming from the ego structure, psychedelics can/will pretty much destroy them (for a while), depending on the dose. Psychedelics, for me, create the desire/force to liberate myself from the ego structure, and this force stays with me after the trip and energizes me to do whatever practices are need (self-inquiry, meditation, etc). Psychedelics are like enlightenment steroids -- take too much and you may 'die' 😜. If you take just enough but don't do the required 'exercise', you'll see little benefit.
  10. @kieranperez Psychedelics have shown me that what I want is not necessarily what I need. The ego-structure with its false narratives can have you chasing all kinds of meaningless, distressing, self-defeating and downright ridiculous shit -- as I'm sure you're aware -- and psychedelics can give you that space to see that, " Oh yeah, this shit is painful, false and not needed". I think it's healthy to view psychedelics as a tool to better inform your life, rather as a quick fix. They give you the ability to see through the clouds, towards the sun (temporarily), to know that there is something beyond the constant barrage of the ego-mind.
  11. @Djdumoul If you can cover the basics of your living expenses by helping out your parents where needed (running errands etc), and paying in a little cash of your own to balance costs, then I don't see the problem. As for girls, yes that will be awkward. Financial independence is a great thing (as far as social freedom goes), but if you're not there yet, and you got a good thing going, just chill. Also, considering that you're at home with your parents, it might be a good idea to develop another skill in your free time (programming, video editing, selling instrumental/vocal recordings online etc.)
  12. @Dizzy Thanks for reading. @Nahm The trip was definitely short compared to others (I think that grinding up the shrooms allows them to be metabolized faster, and hence hits harder). @FredFred Yeah, the desire for change can really hurt.
  13. Trip report from yesterday T = 0 minutes: Took 3 grams of shrooms (dry) ground up into a fine powder with yougurt. T = 20 minutes: Hands feel clammy. Breath feels deep and electric. Took a walk down to a wooded area. Slight nausea. This is hitting me harder than I expected. T= 45 minutes: Mind is cycling continuously between acceptance and control. The ego rocks up with concerns and anxieties, only for me to see whats going on, then letting go of the thought, from which spaciousness opens up. This battle goes on for about another 45 minutes. Practice deep slow breathing to center myself whenever things start getting hairy. T= 90 minutes: A plateau seems to have been reached. A deep underlying agitation is noticed within me. I feel paralyzed, wanting to do something, but knowing that nothing needs to be done. It dawns on me that wherever there is suffering, the ego structure is at play. Nothing matters. Everything just is. There is an inherent painfulness in the desire for change. I asked myself the questions: "Why be afraid?" The mind then immediately tries to run to thought for an answer, and this is how I know deception is at play. The mind wants me to get lost in the complex maze of thought. There is no reason to be afraid. It is simply a choice. In fact, everything, in every moment, is the choice between love and fear. T=180 minutes: I'm pretty much sobered up at this point. I realize that the spiritual search is far more urgent than previously thought. The ego structure is like an addiction far worse than any drug. Given my previous life trajectory, if I don't ramp up my quest for liberation, I will die achieving nothing as far as liberation goes. There's a shit tonne of work to be done. The clock is ticking.
  14. @Identity Oh ok, so I assume the truffles (Psilocybe tampanensis) are wet/fresh? Typically a dry dose of Psilocybe cubensis is 3.5g, which is the species I will be taking.
  15. @Identity What do you mean by a small dose? 0.5 grams to 1 gram or less? Yeah, I hope to do this 3 to 4 times over the next month or two. I've been doing self-inquiry spontaneously (without conscious effort) over the last few months, so hopefully that momentum carries over into the trips. Will report back on what I experience.