Followed Leo's advice, landed in mental hospital. My internet addiction story.

[Leo Gura]

@zunnyman She did not have any proper theoretical foundation so she misinterpreted her awakening as something wrong.

Seems to me that she did this for so long and so severely that she ended up causing her own brain cancer.

If she had access to some of the videos on Actualized.org, she would have been fine I think. It took her many years to find some realized teachers to help straighten her out.

Consider yourselves lucky that you're alive in the age of Youtube and a flood of free nonduality videos. Where you can literally go to Google and find the answer to any question or problem you might ever have in life. People take this ability so for granted.

In a world full of insane people, when you become sane, but have no one to talk to about it, you might find yourself thinking you've gone insane.

[zunnyman]

@Leo Gura And she was living in the 1900s. I can only imagine the struggle people had thousands of years ago with trying to awaken, or recieving guidance of any kind personal development wise 

Edited September 17, 2018 by zunnyman

[now is forever]

2 hours ago, zunnyman said:

@Leo Gura And she was living in the 1900s. I can only imagine the struggle people had thousands of years ago with trying to awaken, or recieving guidance of any kind personal development wise 

wait a minute, that’s hundred years ago - and then it might have been the worst (except for the middle ages)

guess thousands of years ago they had their beliefs and their shamans and healers (some more some less)

mhhh but they had other blind spots, as we also have our blind spot: online - that is. while the body needs some physical help and support in a social context. (well at least online, is the other perspective). this is still survival mode.

Edited September 17, 2018 by now is forever

[Tistepiste]

@Leo Gura Maybe an off-topic question but do you think cancer can be cured through non-medical procedures? Like controlling your body by controlling its energy?

[Martin123]

@Tistepiste

Quote

The lymphoma had spread throughout her body and had metastasized. Moorjani had large lemon sized tumors all over her upper body from her neck to her abdomen. Her body would no longer absorb nourishment, her lungs were perpetually filled with fluid that needed to be drained regularly, and she was connected to piped oxygen. On 2 February 2006, she fell into a deep coma. The doctors told her family that her body had gone into organ failure and she was in her final hours of life.[7]

Moorjani came out of the coma thirty hours later and told her family that during her NDE, she had been greeted by her deceased father and deceased best friend, who had told her that it was not her time to die. During those 30 hours, Moorjani experienced many characteristic details of a near death experience as well as details unique to her. Her account includes an out-of-body experience with observations and awareness of physical surroundings. Moorjani said she had a strong reluctance to return to her suffering and dying physical body, but was encouraged to return by her father and best friend who told her that she needed to return and to "live her life fearlessly".[citation needed]

Subsequent to coming out of her coma, Moorjani experienced a spontaneous healing. Her tumors shrunk by about 70% within four days, and within five weeks, she was cancer-free and released from hospital, although she had to spend a few months in physiotherapy to regain her strength and the use of all her muscles and limbs.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anita_Moorjani

[11modal11]

@Gryner lol yes I had a similar experience, i was having constant spiritual experiences before i found actualized and the stuff on here just caused me psychosis, i didn't;t go to the hospital but i was going to see a therapist if i didn't get better.  Except your feeling like god and fearless part, thats how I felt before but it felt amazing not like i was intentionally trying to kill myself for no reason lol, from this site i stated to believe i should commit suicide as soon as possible and that is enlightenment. which was 180 from the profound mystical experience life i was having before where every moment was like this profound dream i was having so idk, maybe he is just difficult to understand and is saying something in a way that we are having troublee understanding. but the way he says it makes it seem to me like he is saying that i should literally commit suicide right now and that is what everyone should do

Edited September 17, 2018 by 11modal11

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Tistepiste said:

@Leo Gura Maybe an off-topic question but do you think cancer can be cured through non-medical procedures? Like controlling your body by controlling its energy?

To some degree, but not 100%. Depends a lot on your particular situation and what caused the cancer. If your body is full of toxic chemicals you may be screwed.

2 hours ago, 11modal11 said:

@Gryner  the way he says it makes it seem to me like he is saying that i should literally commit suicide right now and that is what everyone should do

You were never told to physically harm yourself. Stop being foolish.

Enlightenment is a purely awareness-based pursuit.

[Tistepiste]

@Martin123 Amazing.

[11modal11]

yes i think the issue was i misunderstood your message, the communication style is hard for me to understand personally 

[cetus]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Where you can literally go to Google and find the answer to any question or problem you might ever have in life. People take this ability so for granted.

@Leo Gura I can attest to this. I started this journey back in the late 70's after some substance experimentation and experianced somthing other than an "ordinary" state of conscionseness. I had no idea what that was or if I was crazy or something but I knew it felt truer than anything I ever experianced before. So the question became "Have I gone crazy from the drug" "What is this?" and " Can I have this awareness naturally without the use of drugs?". I had no idea at all. So I went to a book store in the local mall and finially found a book called "Cosmic Consciousness" and knew this is it. There was so little on the subject even in the local library. And what information was there on enlightenment wasn't very straight forward either. Actually it was buried like a tic on a dog. I mean what was there wasn't exactly labled in large letters "THIS IS WHAT ENLIGHTENMENT IS". At least not for a newbie who had no idea what to look for. Now with the internet, how lucky we are to have access to this wealth of in depth information on the subject. And also to be able to connect to ppl who can share their experiance and even have a place where we can ask a direct question and get a direct answer almost immediatly. Imagine for a moment being in the 60's or 70's and experiancing something you could'nt explain logically. What would you be thinking? What would you do? Would you ask someone on the street? Maybe travel to India? The simple questions I had that were so important to me at the time took years to find an answer to. And even if I did find the answer it wasn't a direct answer.

That's why today I sometimes see these silly little questions like, "why does my left arm itch when I meditate". And I can't help to think, you can't come up with a better question to ask about enlightenment than that?  I would have been happy just to know if I was going crazy or not. Or what is happened to me?. Or What is this? Leo is right. He sometimes spoils us by making it way too easy. All the internet guru's do.

I'll go as far to say a lot of what I see actually does more to hand feed the ego a healthy meal of knowlage for it to get nice and plump on. You see it often. It's called "non-duality wars". That thing of one upmanship. A sure sign of a spoiled ego that has it way to easy and didn't do the real work at hand.

[cirkussmile]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Enlightenment is a purely awareness-based pursuit.

Never seen that explanation before. Very nice!

Good to see your reply’s in this thread!

[cetus]

1 minute ago, cirkussmile said:

Never seen that explanation before. Very nice!

 

@cirkussmile Agreed. I would have given my right arm for one gem like that when I first started this journey, in the dark ages before internet.

[i am I AM]

I think maybe this can help you achieve more balance:

Find a safe place and talk to yourself! Or sing, or whatever else you feel like you "want to know and do", as you communicate. Do this for as long as you feel confortable. You might think it's not normal, or bizarre, but do not listen to any thoughts like that. 

[Good-boy]

4 hours ago, cetus56 said:

@Leo Gura I can attest to this. I started this journey back in the late 70's after some substance experimentation and experianced somthing other than an "ordinary" state of conscionseness. I had no idea what that was or if I was crazy or something but I knew it felt truer than anything I ever experianced before. So the question became "Have I gone crazy from the drug" "What is this?" and " Can I have this awareness naturally without the use of drugs?". I had no idea at all. So I went to a book store in the local mall and finially found a book called "Cosmic Consciousness" and knew this is it. There was so little on the subject even in the local library. And what information was there on enlightenment wasn't very straight forward either. Actually it was buried like a tic on a dog. I mean what was there wasn't exactly labled in large letters "THIS IS WHAT ENLIGHTENMENT IS". At least not for a newbie who had no idea what to look for. Now with the internet, how lucky we are to have access to this wealth of in depth information on the subject. And also to be able to connect to ppl who can share their experiance and even have a place where we can ask a direct question and get a direct answer almost immediatly. Imagine for a moment being in the 60's or 70's and experiancing something you could'nt explain logically. What would you be thinking? What would you do? Would you ask someone on the street? Maybe travel to India? The simple questions I had that were so important to me at the time took years to find an answer to. And even if I did find the answer it wasn't a direct answer.

That's why today I sometimes see these silly little questions like, "why does my left arm itch when I meditate". And I can't help to think, you can't come up with a better question to ask about enlightenment than that?  I would have been happy just to know if I was going crazy or not. Or what is happened to me?. Or What is this? Leo is right. He sometimes spoils us by making it way too easy. All the internet guru's do.

I'll go as far to say a lot of what I see actually does more to hand feed the ego a healthy meal of knowlage for it to get nice and plump on. You see it often. It's called "non-duality wars". That thing of one upmanship. A sure sign of a spoiled ego that has it way to easy and didn't do the real work at hand.

Does this mean that you have been on the path for 50 years and not yet enlightened?

Just curious since there was this other guy who was on the path for forty years and committed suicede few weeks ago.

 

Edited September 17, 2018 by Good-boy

[RolandM]

Hello, I had a similar experience that led to psychosis and hospitalization, you can read about it here:

I hope there are some insights here that you can relate to, one of the primary motifs being doubt, and how it turned psychosis into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The doubt that sets in when everyone around you convinces you that what you experienced is not real, even though it felt more real than anything you've experienced in your life. The medication reinforces this, as if a reality of eating and sleeping all day were acceptable. Everyone here is giving great advice, and it does sound likely that there is some trauma that needs to be faced head on slowly but without yield. There certainly was for me, and my psychosis was the quick and violent way of resolving this trauma completely. If I have to give any advice, its to educate yourself on nonduality/spirituality/etc until you see that the label of mental illness can only do harm and needs to be dropped completely. You are doing hard work that needs to be done, but we also can't succumb to delusion and think that the answer lies within a certain ideology, religion, or science. Realize that this is all different language to explain the same thing, and the only one who can give proscriptions on how to live is you. Question everything that gives you an easy answer. When you are ready, I recommend tapering off medication SLOWLY, and only tell others afterwards when they can see that this is good for you and you are doing better. I halved my 20mg of olanzapine every 2 or so weeks, and in the end I realized that life was so much better than it was pre-psychosis. I have induced the "psychosis" several times since then, and each time I become more comfortable with the idea that this can only bring good to myself and others. I have learned to adapt my language to other's understanding, and if you meet others where they are they will not fear you. Everyone has an idea of God and spirituality, but literally saying "I am God" triggers the red flags of mental illness in their minds. Despite the Christian-dominated culture we live in, we still crucify Jesus every time he shows his face.

You need support though in order to get through the doubts and fear of relapse, and we're here for you.

 

[cetus]

1 hour ago, Good-boy said:

Does this mean that you have been on the path for 50 years and not yet enlightened?

Just curious since there was this other guy who was on the path for forty years and committed suicede few weeks ago.

@Good-boy Actually it's been 40 years since but I took a 34 year break from the work. 3 years than and 3 years now. I'd say I got farther in the last 3 years than I did in the first 3. Two factors. 1) there is so much more access to information now.  2) being that I'm older and closer to death this work takes on a whole new meaning than it did when I was young. It's true meaning is now much deeper than just a lofty concept to hold my interest when not playing video games or hanging with friends.

[now is forever]

@Good-boy that was creeping under my skin.

the problem online mostly is the anonymity and missing out on a hug or a smile. 

so if it gets really serious what else is there to do than writing?

if our mind goes wild we still need to feel our body because it remains - if there is no one to lead us a way back to the body we are so disconnected to it we might want to leave it behind. without understanding it as a home, or a temple. our greatest good.

some people only keep it alive to drift away. and some fly because they learn how to treat it and use it wisely.

it‘s really sad if someone ends their life - because it’s hopelessness that ends it. it’s not the death itself, who really fears that? but the facettes of hopelessness - and suffering.

 

oneness means in one interpretation unity of body mind and soul - so if we find to ourselves and find we have left one part out of the game we have to reconnect to that part to be truely one, how can we reconnect to love if we miss out on it - love is only found in the most subtle form of existence. how can we prove it is real if not in a human touch?

Edited September 17, 2018 by now is forever

[brugluiz]

Hi, @Gryner! I hope you're fine.

I'm diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and I had psychosis (almost twice). You said you're having some panic attacks. I wonder if these panic attacks happen when you are among people because I had them too. It may be negative symptoms of schizophrenia. I know, schizophrenia is not a fancy word, but I wouldn't be so desperate about it.

Leo talks about legit mental illnesses, but that's a unique thing that I don't agree with him. Dellusions and hallucinations are real and you may even have brain damage due to psychosis (I think if you get too much time out of consensual reality, you may suffer some damages), but it doesn't mean you can't heal. Remember also that neuroplasticity helps a lot.

Take a look at Sean Blackwell's videos on YouTube. If you love reading, take a look at Rethinking Madness by Paris Williams. The TEDx Talks by Phil Borges is also interesting (he created a documentary called CRAZYWISE).

It's important to keep taking your medicines while you can't figure out everything that happened and that is happening. I think you'll need to face your psychosis again, but do it in your own pace. Do it steadily. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder 3 years ago and just now I'm starting to do my researches about holotropic breathing. Maybe I'll do holotropic breathing next year or maybe I won't. I just need to carefully pay attention to my mind and my conditions before doing it.

Do your research and be aware that psychiatry has a very Orange paradigm (Spiral Dynamics). There are many documentaries about it like Take Those Broken Wings by Daniel Mackler (it's on YouTube and it is for free). You may want to take a look at the work done at some Soteria houses (treatment model created by Loren Mosher) and at the project Open Dialogue in Finland.

Take care, man! If you need any help, we're here for you. Peace!

[now is forever]

@Gryner how are you by the way?

[Buba]

I have been suffering from mental pain for years, so last year I decided to meditate to recover myself. I did not know what enlightenment, ego, spirituality were. I meditated for just 20 minutes per day. After 5 months booommm!!! Immense depression, depersonalizaton, derealization, fear, anxiety, confusion. Even my psychotherapists for years, were shocked (life is illusion, I dont feel like I exist and etc). O stopped meditation and after months I got much better, but as my ego life was not that good, I restarted this path with hope that if I go slowly, I will adapt to these new confusing things like non-duality. But it did not go like that. Even despite my slow progress I had a glimpse of enlightenment for seconds, where I got scared and desperately tried to bring me to myself. Moreover, I did not get used to depersonalization. I miss myself so much.

It is not a path for people, who seek bliss. It is a path for people who just want to see the Truth. It is not a recovery for mental illness, like depression.

For this path:

You have to be very brave.

You have to denounce everything in your life, including your family.

You have to be ready for anything, including being stuck in eternal hell.