Buba

But my life does not look like a coincidence, especially the bad things that happened to me. As if some higher being plotted it.

Does it mean that we humans are highest intellectual conscious beings and there is no super being god who has a performance?

This is not a coincidence. God planned everything to make my life horrible. Why? What is the point? I could live a nice life and engage in spirituality. I had lived much pain anyway, that was enough. Pain should not exist. For example, dragon does not exist. So there are things that do not exist and pain could be one of them. If somebody commits suicide, where is unconditional love?

I recently got 4 more protrusions and 2 more disc hernia on my spine. Until now I had one disc hernia. Now I have 4 protrusions and 3 disc hernia. I have horrible pain on every part of my body. I cannot stand it. But spirituality says to accept pain, to abide in pain. How? How can there be comfort in pain? Why is my life so awful? I would still meditate even if I had a nice life. What is the point of giving me a horrible life? Would not it be good if we lived in pure bliss without pain? If there is a god why does it doing this?

Go to psychoanalysis.

There is no self to have free will. The actions, thoughts are like a wind, they are the result of cause-effect chain since Big Bang.

This is what you told me 20 days ago. Why did you come to this conclusion?

Who decides, who makes choices and based on what, if it is not pre-determined by causes and effects since Bing Bang?

Thought is like a wind. It does not have a creator, an agent. It is pre-determined since Big Bang which thought will arise.

This pus must erupt. I am afraid low does will not make it.

I want to do LSD. I have done everything - psychiatrists, antidepressants, psychologists, sport, meditation, psychoanalysis - and nothing helped. I have pus inside which must erupt. What kind of process?

Why do you do psychedelics? Did they heal you? Did they change your life? If not then do you do psychedelics just for short lived fun/experience?

@Grant6 Any permanent changes in your psyche, mood?

I never had an enlightenment experience, but I had a Dark Night of the Soul. And during this time once an idea came to me. I don't know if I saw something, experienced something or just thought something, but the idea was "the answer to the question, if God exists or does not exist, is there is no "exist" or "does not exist" in that realm".

@Breakingthewall @Javfly33 @catcat69123May psychedelics harm my psyche temporarily or permanently?