Buba

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About Buba

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    Azerbaijan
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  1. I have done it only once in a group in the guidance of a teacher, who told us, "dont try it at home, it is dangerous." He said it is from bhairav tantra.
  2. Can we do it on our own? I was told it was dangerous.
  3. Tell me please, what is absent in my perspective: European people worked hard, studied hard, created organized, neat, safe places, societies and they developed. Middle Eastern people (my people as well) did not want to educate themselves, obeyed dictators, did not want to take responsibility to change their society and country for better, did not make effort, saw corruption, nepotism, tribalism as a normal thing and when their country collapsed as expected, they fled to Europe and did not change even there, disturbed local people with their ill mindset. My country is an oil rich country where the vast majority of people live under poverty, because one family rules it since 1993. One family and their team have hundred billion dollars in their off shore accounts. They kill people whenever they want. There is no quality in medicine, security, education and etc. The country is on the edge of collapse. Why? Because people don’t protest. If a robber pulls a knife and asks my money, I will give this money, but if I have a gun why should I give money? So we are 10 million, they are just one family. Why should we let them torture us? This is the ridiculous level of cowardice, laziness and irresponsibility. When I ask my fellows why don’t you go to protests, why don’t you try to make your country better. They say they will flee to Germany, Canada or somewhere else. Europe harms our countries by allowing refugees in. If they did not let those people in, our people would know that the only way to live in a good country is to make your own country a better place. But now they have an easier option – to flee to Europe. If I was European, I would hate refugees. Especially the ones who come from a country where there is no war. And I have never seen a refugee in my life who respects the host country, let alone loves it. They don’t think Europe is humanist and kind, they think Europe is stupid and they want to use it. You cannot neglect the reality. Refugees cause a problem. When I studied in England, a Turkish man who had been living in England for more than 20 years said that the initial years of his time in England were times when local people were very friendly towards immigrants. He said that wherever he went, English people would like to talk to him, offer drink and etc, because he was from a foreign country. But as the number of immigrants rose, English people’s attitude change. They started to dislike immigrants. He said not only the number of immigrants grew, but they also got involved in criminal, looked for trouble, harassed local girls and the like.
  4. Thank you very much, for your responses. I love my sister and my niece very much. Unfortunately I cannot advise her to meditate to heal. I myself dont know if I will be able to digest the Truth, to accept it. As Leo said this path is not for everyone. Some people's state can even deteriorate after meditation. I am afraid she will get even worse after meditation. So that is why I am looking for other ways to heal (like psychoanalysis).
  5. It is not normal, but most of people consider it normal and in countries like mine, government does not interfere in scolding a child. Unless a child is severely harmed, government does not interfere. And even if they interfered and took the child from the family there would not be someone to take care of a child better than parents. I googled rice experiment, I doubt it will work. She says "I have anger and anxiety issues, but I am not ready to go to my childhood. It is very terrifying for me to go to my childhood and face those moments again." She said she would take her daughter to psychotherapist and change her attitude for better towards her daughter. She was very nice to her daughter during the day but at night my niece did not want to sleep, she got angry again and started to scold her. She also asked me not discuss this topic anymore, as this irritates her even more. She said she does not want to feel guilty or panic that something bad will happen to her daughter. She, also my parents say that I exaggerate my niece's state and overall situation. Meditation may help, but until it starts to help, you go through the hell, which I doubt my sister will handle.
  6. She admits it is beyond her control and accuses our mother for ruining her psychology in childhood. Sometimes we have a nice talk on the child’s issue, sometimes she gets defensive. I myself struggle with anger and sometimes feel an immense hatred towards my sister for her attitude to her daughter. I try to control my anger and talk to my sister nicely. I can yell, insult her or beat her or kill her. Will it change my niece’s state for better? No. Nobody will take care of my niece better than her parents. I guess the only possible solution is to persuade her to change her attitude, to drop her false beliefs regarding how to raise a child. May be a psychotherapist can persuade her. But what is the chance to meet a good psychotherapist. “Almost all people yell and insult their children, is not it normal” she would think. I don’t have any tips how to raise a child, I just play with my niece and don’t know what to do when she behaves recklessly. I just show great patience. But other people don’t (my sister, our parents, her husband, her husband’s parents). She would not like to talk to a random person, unfortunately. I would like to know if there are any good books addressing these issues, like anger, raising a child without hurting her and etc? I do not recommend meditation to her or anyone, because I do not think everybody can handle Dark Night of the Soul or other dark sides of meditation. Also I feel like I failed as an uncle. I feel like I can do more, but I don’t do because I am afraid and lazy. I feel like a piece of shit. I think about this issue every time. I feel stuck. I cannot solve it with force (to force my sister to act nicely or to take my niece from her).
  7. She says "I am shit, I am a bad girl, I am idiot" and smiles, sometimes laughs. I once said "why do you say I am shit", she said "because shit is joyful".
  8. There are some things I should mention: 1. They don’t hurt her every time, just when she “misbehaves” she gets scolded. 2. They are showing her love other times. 3. If the child is taken from them, nobody will take care of her better than her parents – nor government, nor grandparents, nor other relatives. I want to understand what is going on precisely in terms of psychological issues and how to heal it on time. Is there a framework of behavior to be applied towards the child? I know her parents did it, but I cannot accuse them directly. I have also done many mistakes in my life (including hurting my sister a lot) and I know being accused does not work, it actually backfires. So when I talk to my sister I try to be objective and not judge. I explained her the situation and that it is not fine, but I am not able to give tips what to do when the child “misbehaves”. She agreed sometimes she loses control and feels guilty and knows it is not normal, but also she still has some false beliefs regarding how to raise a child.
  9. I did not have a lot of pictures in my computer and did want to upload a picture from internet. I bought it from Amsterdam and find it funny.
  10. What would you do if your child did not listen to you?
  11. Actually my sister and her husband are not always aggressive towards her. Generally, they ask her not to do (or to do) something and she refuses, then they repeat their order and she refuses, even sometimes ignores them, then they get aggressive, scream, scold her, sometimes gently hit her. In other times they are very friendly to their daughter, they care her, take to walks, buy toys, show their love and etc. I talked to my sister about this issue, but did not want to directly accuse her in her daughter’s state. Because I know how hard it is for her, I know how inpatient we people be, my niece can drive crazy almost everyone, she really does not listen. But I talked to my sister and said that our aggression to her daughter resulted in her being aggressive and etc. My sister became sad and felt guilty. She said I know, I want to control myself but I cannot, I turn into beast mode. But I noticed it is not just unconscious behavior. She also has beliefs that child should be punished for misbehavior. She believes it works. I said it has not worked yet as you see, she said because she was not consistent in punishment. I cant persuade her, because when she says ok, what should I do then when she does not listen, I don’t know what to say. I don’t have any tips how to raise a child. I really do not know how could it be done otherwise.
  12. My niece is 4 years old and her behaviour concerns me. She is very fake, aggressive and weird. She is not like a year ago, when she was curious, authentic and lovely. My sister is very aggressive and has been scolding her daughter since her very first days. Me and my sister were scolded and beaten a lot by our mother when were a child. I was also harsh against her. So my niece fakes laughing, crying, playing - everything. She meets me with a fake look as if she is an actress. I try to talk to her. She does not like talking normally, only games. We talked twice and in each time she said she is a bad girl, a shit, and idiot. I said no, you are not, why do you think so? She said an old man said it when I was small. In our first conversation she said an old man, she said I can draw his picture, but he drew a woman and said actually not an old man but an old woman said all these things. And in our second conversation she said an old woman said she is shit, idiot, bad. Even when I am writing this I feel so bad I want to cry. It breaks my heart. I dont want her to suffer like me. I have never seen a child like her, she looks like possessed. As if it is not her talking, moving. She is so addicted to stimuli, she does not sit still. She wants either chocolate or cartoon or playing or something else. Also she hits her 10-months-old little sister. She would actually kill her if we were not nearby. I asked dont you love your sister, she said she does. I said why do you then hit her, she said because she likes it. Her behaviour gets worse and it worsens my sister's attitude towards her, and my sister's attitude worsens my niece's state, so there is a vicious cycle. She is just 4 years old. I think it is not too late, we can fix it. But I dont know how. My sister will take her to psychotherapist, but I dont trust them. They never could help me. What is going on with her? What can be done to heal her?
  13. What was an obstacle for a proper work? Last year I could not go to work for 5 days, as I had intense anxiety, depression and restlessness. I could not even sit for several seconds. I could not eat. What prevented you from working at that time? What made you move countries? Feeling?
  14. Only after awakening I will know if I am ready or not.
  15. Sometimes I feel spasm on my spine. I move involuntarily. I dont do yoga. Only meditation.