Aquarius

Can an actualized person be in a successful relationship with a low-consc. one?

40 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Let's say I'm working a lot on myself. I am pretty awakened to certain existential truths, I read self-help materials, I research my diet and fitness stuff, I plan my life and career, I take care of my look and I do my best to be a good girlfriend.

Can I build a successful relationship with someone who probably doesn't even know or care about these things and just is the way he is? Not to mean he is dumb or unworthy of my love. Sure he can be caring, sexy, funny, charming and all the stuff some guys cannot achieve even with self-help books and courses... But we don't always connect. So I have a few questions:

1. What is the biggest obstacle in a relationship between an ordinary person and someone doing self-development?

2. Can it be a successful relationship? If so, what is necessary for this to happen?

3. Is it worth a shot? What experiences can one gain, if any?

4. What if both are in love with each other, but don't always connect?

5. Is it possible to get him involved into self-development for the sake of the relationship? If so, how?

Edited by Aquarius

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22 hours ago, Aquarius said:

5. Is it possible to get him involved into self-development for the sake of the relationship? If so, how?

If they're new to everything it takes too long if they haven't already started. Better to just be alone or find someone else. When it comes to how you just have to learn how to maneuver around their ego defenses when introducing them to things. Having a balanced pace with it.

22 hours ago, Aquarius said:

3. Is it worth a shot? What experiences can one gain, if any?

I think if it's something that's not too serious and committed it might have mostly good sides. But if it's serious, living together and committed it's not going to work better than being alone. I think one of the benefits is learning how to be more compassionate and loving towards yourself and they can act as a mirror for you. If they are someone you're honest with, it can be helpful for recognizing your illogical patterns.

22 hours ago, Aquarius said:

1. What is the biggest obstacle in a relationship between an ordinary person and someone doing self-development?

I don't know if this is the biggest issue but the other person surely won't understand you. Their view of life is different and if you also want to help them, they will have to adapt or they will just become upset. And as I said about 5. it takes a long time to teach someone who doesn't know anything.

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@Aquarius

If the gap is big enough, no. Or you're just going to be really unsatisfied.

It won't even be because you're right and he's wrong or he's right and you're wrong. It'll just be because you're too different.

You're going to want to go to yoga. He's going to want to watch TV.

You're going to want to eat at a healthy restaurant. He's going to want to go to McDonalds.

I'm stereotyping but you get my point. From a Law of Attraction standpoint, you're no longer a vibrational match.

You might be able to get this person to start working on themselves if they're open to it. But that's a very big if and usually is not the case.

Much easier is just to set your own boundary ahead of time. Make "I'm looking for a high consciousness relationship and don't accept anything else" your new standard.


My name is Austin Kourakin. Life Coach with a passion for personal development.

Check out my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeimIF08Jl8OPJ6JVzmYudQ

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Is a self actualized person a high concious being? 

 

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I think that it could work

If you don’t get caught in their unconsciousness and stay on the path whatever the circumstances, you will slowly infect the other person.

Your unconditional love and higher consciousness will start to influence him/her to such an extent that it could change them completely and make them inspired to take on the calling themselves.


Whenever you get there, there's no there there.

Gertrude Stein

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Question whether non awakened people tolerate your differences in the same sort of way you are planning on attempting to tolerate their differences. It's humbling as I suspect an immense amount of kind "low conscious" people are tolerating us "awakened" people too. Question whether this "low conscious" person will try and change you into someone like them, just like you hope you may bring them to your line of thinking. Be 100% open to the possibility you are not awakened and the person you believe low conscious is more conscious than you. Maybe you're the life of the party or maybe you start conversations nobody else finds conductive to a good time and actually tolerate you but just try and keep things lite. Maybe some "low conscious" people already tried every thing you tried and are on a spirituality break.

Basically be humble and think it's possible some other people who seem low conscious are actually very stable of mind, live a large portion of their lives anxiety and pain free due to lucky genetics and other factors and therefor already live in the now by pure luck. I used to think I was the only one in my group really thinking deeply about these things but these days I realize I was the most depressed person in my group.

But if you really are awakened then you will not even remotely be bothered with any of these issues. If you were awakened you would not be asking these questions. I'm not trying to have a go, I just believe not one of us is awakened yet -  not even Leo.

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@star ark something in me doesn't like this, it's ego right there!xD when ego shows resistance there is probably some truth in it.. it's humbling. 

but be careful about assuming other people's lives are anxiety and pain free. I sometimes fall into this trap as well. keep in mind that most people won't show you how they really feel, some aren't even aware of their suffering because their all wrapped up in distractions.


The wound is the place where the Light enters you.  

-Rumi

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from my experience with my gf:

1. Sometimes you will feel like you are living two lives. your self actualization might not be as supported by the other person as you hope, or you might get bored of their pace of actualization, so then you might do it all by yourself. Then you have the relationship for doing common activities and when youre alone you are doing the actualization stuff. This made me crave my alone time more and my gf felt like i didnt need her at all because i was doing so much on my own. And its hard doing this stuff together if the other person has no interest or curiosity in why you do all this.

2. imo the other person needs to understand why you are doing all this stuff, and even when they dont want to do any of it, they should at least understand how important it is for you and also support you in doing it, as well as giving you the time for that.

3. i think it can be fun. However watch out that you dont let the emotions go too high before you are exactly sure how this person works. If you are doing all these great improvements in your life, it is easy for them to fall in love with you, which in turn makes you more likely to do so as well. So watch out, this can backfire hard. Because once a commited relationship is established and you find out how incompatible you guys are it is extremely tricky and painful to leave the relationship.

4. From my experience this can be extremely frustrating. You love this person so deeply, but at the same time you are unable to share the things that are dear to you. I found myself stuck between my passions and my partner, unable to negotiate or give either of them up.

5. Yes! But this depends on the person. If the person is curious and open, and looking for better ways of doing things this could be great. But if the person thinks they have everything figured out or are simple too comfortable to consider their lifestyle for their own sake, it can also become very frustrating. Because you will see and imaginary version of them, how they COULD be if they were doing the self-development. You might fall in love with their potential instead of who they are actually.

Now im in a very painful breakup. Because I cant reconcile my partner with my vision of my life and how i want to live. The lesson im taking from this, is that if youre gonna find a person who is not into self-actualization TAKE IT VERY SLOW. Get to know them , and let them get to know you. Let them know how important this stuff is to you. So that they know whats up with you. And also, dont rush finding a relationship. Chances are that if youre into self-actualization you are doing fine alone at the moment, so dont grab the first person in sight. Youre in this for the long run, I'd say you either find someone who is into self-help or someone who doesnt know about it but is very interested in what you are doing.

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On 8/1/2018 at 2:04 AM, Faceless said:

Is a self actualized person a high concious being? 

 

Faceless: I think asking a question to answer one may steer us off topic -even if it is rhetorical-. Nevertheless I would like to respond saying that, in my opinion, it's not at all the case that a self-actualized person is a high conscious one. It's a process and once you begin you may very well call yourself "self-actualized" even though there will be many far ahead of you, the tag doesn't make you a master. It's like when you begin any activity, at what point do you receive a title for it?  -i.e. I play chess, thus I'm a chess-player is not to say I'm a pro-. 
If it's a hobby, that's sort of arbitrary huh? Those who know better will know... others will probably express their points of view on the matter, externally and unknowingly. 

 

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@Salcedoop

i see...what exactly does self actualization imply to you? 

Edited by Faceless

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On 8/1/2018 at 11:11 AM, Max_V said:

I think that it could work

If you don’t get caught in their unconsciousness and stay on the path whatever the circumstances, you will slowly infect the other person.

Your unconditional love and higher consciousness will start to influence him/her to such an extent that it could change them completely and make them inspired to take on the calling themselves.

@Max_V I completely agree with you on this one. I've seen it happen... I've been there both as the lower-conscious being and the higher-conscious one. :)

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@Salcedoop

ah yes. Order in relationship. Relationship with ourselves and with others. I never really heard much about “self acrualization before this forum. But I think it’s similar to the way I prefer to live. Self knowing which means seeing and understanding in the nature of thought. And freedom from thought “the self” to make for healthier relations with myself and one another. 

Thanks for sharing friend. Nice to talk with you🙏🏿

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I've been asking myself this question as well lately. I think there is -like to many questions- no right answer. it really depends on the situation. and things are in constant flux, so it probably also works differently well depending in which stage you're at. I noticed that I have phases in which I feel a desire to connect to people and also one in which I turn inwards :)


The wound is the place where the Light enters you.  

-Rumi

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The answer to question 1 will always be "you". That will always be the answer.

The answer to question 2 is a question: "Can you love this person AS HE IS?"

The answer to question 5 is a question: Can you let him discover this path for himself in his own time, in his own way; only providing loving kindness when appropriate?

 

If you understand these, I think you can easily know if the relationship is worth a shot.

Edited by MaxBlank

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My answer is no  !  You too have to be self actualizing in some way or another for it to be successful.... Otherwise it Can get dysfunctional 

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If you are truly self actualized you know you are not better than anyone else and you can accept flaws of another person and you will not need one(relationship) but if you want it to be succesful it takes alot of stuff to come together i think its best when 2 enligtened beings come together...so its yes and no :)

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I've found that the energy mismatch is often the killer.  To use an analogy:

If one has learned to let things flow through one's life and psyche, but another hasn't, then (assuming partial compatibility, otherwise nothing is going to happen to even get things going) when they start connecting they'll both feel a strong energy flow.  But eventually the 2nd person's blocks/neuroses/issues will start interfering, and they'll try to block the flow (so as to try to maintain some level of control*)-at which point they'll feel it start to build up to unbearable levels, yes like water behind a dam (as they freak/second guess/intellectualize).  At that point they'll bail, if not before.

I had one woman be honest enough to essentially admit this to me, after a 2 week fairy tale whirlwind romance.  Most others didn't say a thing, usually having bailed long before that point-some as said simply didn't even let things start in the first place, sensing said imbalance even if they could not mentally articulate the why's and wherefore's.  I am admittedly a sample size of one of course.

[*When the key to making it work the way it was in the first place was to NOT question or pause or such...]

Edited by Sunchild

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