Aquarius

Can an actualized person be in a successful relationship with a low-consc. one?

52 posts in this topic

On 1/4/2018 at 3:32 PM, Aquarius said:

1. What is the biggest obstacle in a relationship between an ordinary person and someone doing self-development?

Judgement from the person doing S.A.

 

On 1/4/2018 at 3:32 PM, Aquarius said:

2. Can it be a successful relationship? If so, what is necessary for this to happen?

Depends on what you call successful. Nothing is ''necessary'' you know? :)

 

On 1/4/2018 at 3:32 PM, Aquarius said:

3. Is it worth a shot? What experiences can one gain, if any?

IMO probably isn't. But we give it the shot anyways almost always.

Experiences I have gained:

-Listen to the red flags

-Get out early

On 1/4/2018 at 3:32 PM, Aquarius said:

4. What if both are in love with each other, but don't always connect?

Guess that happens to every couple that is ''in love''. Whole 2 dif. human beings.

 

On 1/4/2018 at 3:32 PM, Aquarius said:

5. Is it possible to get him involved into self-development for the sake of the relationship? If so, how?

It is possible to show him the door but it is not possible to make him walk through it.

Personally i think that we are all into self development, meaning we are all evolving. Is just that some of us are conscious about it while others are learning the hard way sort of speak. Meaning that their S.A. process is too slow just like it had been all of my life until I started watching Leo's videos. In Leo's motivational speech he says that you might realize that your whole life has been about self actualization and i think that's my case and everyone's. This conscious SA that we are doing is great, in one year i feel like i have improved my psyche by decades.

 

Glad you didn't delete the thread.

I want a weimaraner first. Kids? don't think so, at least not yet, and i am 38 so....

 

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19 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

Judgement from the person doing S.A.

Depends on what you mean by "judgement."  If the higher (define that whatever way you wish) notes that remaining with the other person would be counterproductive and thus feel they must end the relationship, is that being "judgemental"?  How about if your lack of judgement leads to a co-dependent type of situation, or just brings the one person down to the level of the other one?

 

19 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

Personally i think that we are all into self development, meaning we are all evolving. Is just that some of us are conscious about it while others are learning the hard way sort of speak. Meaning that their S.A. process is too slow just like it had been all of my life until I started watching Leo's videos. In Leo's motivational speech he says that you might realize that your whole life has been about self actualization and i think that's my case and everyone's. This conscious SA that we are doing is great, in one year i feel like i have improved my psyche by decades.

 

EVERY single individual on the planet?

I say this as someone whose idealism needle is usually cranked pretty high, but...  Some are indeed evolving, but the vast majority are likely completely stagnant, and more than few have certainly regressed.  Did Stalin evolve at all during his lifetime?  Charles Manson?  Bill Cosby?  [just examples, maybe some did, likely that most such individuals didn't]

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1 hour ago, Sunchild said:

EVERY single individual on the planet?

No. A lot are certainly going backwards. You are right. Didn't word it like i heard it in my mind. Maybe what i wanted to say is that humanity is evolving positively as a whole? idk  because that statement is debatable too. If you are someone that watches the news you probably believe that the whole humanity is going backwards.

2 hours ago, Sunchild said:

Depends on what you mean by "judgement."  If the higher (define that whatever way you wish) notes that remaining with the other person would be counterproductive and thus feel they must end the relationship, is that being "judgemental"?  How about if your lack of judgement leads to a co-dependent type of situation, or just brings the one person down to the level of the other one?

I was just talking out of experience there. Like that's what happened to me.

The more S.A. you become the less judgemental you are.

 

Arc

 

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No. My ex-husband was not willing to move a single inch from where he was, in whatever way. I myself did a lot of self-actualization and simply could not share anything with him. And our relationship did not develop, and hence it was inevitable that it would wither and die....I tried to keep it somehow together but after 7 years I had to walk away and safe myself, and quickly.

A year later I attracted a spiritual man and the possibilites that open up for a consious relationship and the potential for growth is like day and night!

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The question is not if it's possible, the question is why you would want to have one.

Let's say you're a girl who's into meditation, yoga and spiritual retreat.

What you love to do is basically relaxing and just being, quietly with few people around, if not alone with your dog.

You eat healthy, you exercice everyday, in fact you love that so much that you got your yoga certificate and teach.

Now you meet a guy, let's say Pete.

Pete is into soccer, driving sport car, and going to clubs/bars with 10 friends every week-end.

What he loves is basically doing something with his friends, generally with 6 or more.

He drinks alcohol and smoke, rarely exercice, and he works as a stock broker, because to him the more money he has, the more stuff he can possess.

Now, this an extreme example of two people, which despite their differences could still live together, but the question is why would they ?

Why they don't want to be with someone which reflects what they loves to do ?

It is because they were together prior to some of the drastic lifestyle changes, so they cling and can't let go.

Or, they meet each other and are so needy that they would accept a mismatch relationship.

Yes it can work, but why ?

Why not go for the «perfect» relationship that you really want ?

Why settle for less than what you desire deep in you ?

Respect yourself !

 

Edited by Shin

How to face your fears: The "Hello darkness my old friend" technique
Books I recommand: The Power of Now from Eckhart Tolle/The Truth About Spiritual Enlightenment from Shanmugam P

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Just a disclaimer: My views are merely inandated insights of my own studies and self reflections. I do not look at them as sheer facts. Just personal perspectives. As I am young and have much to learn, thankyou.

For me It depends on the context of their unconscious behaviour and the extent. I'm in a relationship at the moment which exercisises unconscious behaviour but at the same time you have to put this into context. Realistically speaking a small portion of societies in my opinion are highly unconscious or at the very least partly which means the chances of meeting an unconscious being at first is much higher, especially in western demographics. It's something that should not be rationalised too quickly. Due to actualisation being a personal endeavour, from my perspectives of learning. if you enforce your growth on someone else who doesn't see need to it they will never see the beauty of it, although if you have a sense of unconditional and unsubjective energy around you they may follow by their own accord. If they do, enjoy the experience. If not, respectfully continue yours. The ambiance that should be coming from you should be enough of an invitation so you should not need to ask. Most importantly two individuals should be connected by much more then on a level of personal interests and metaphysicality. If not your intentions may be ego and outward based.

I feel the biggest obstacle is the ego. Due to the sheer factor that human connection is largely outward bound, unless brought into existential and conscious context. Be careful because when your ego says something is good or something is bad, it's drawing distinctions which can be signs of self delusion. If the ego sees little clarity of something similar to its movements it over rationalises it. It draws boundaries between things that aren't of its same nature. This is the nature of the ego. So when you deeply grow a larger understanding of life it is all deeply interconnected. This can bring down the barriers of dichotomy. From the earths elements that constitute all our material objects and infustructures to the  ecosystems that incubate our very being. I feel this one of the most undermined thoughts on life. Such beauty in what we walk past and overlook. Everything is deeply connected, even the things or those who put such tremendous havoc upon the world. They contribute to the environment to similar extents as you do and there fore are necessary to co exist and be part of in many ways. This is a very liberating way to look at life. Try to empathise and look at things larger then you currently do it will amaze you how deep you can go.

As for personal experience. I have deeply contimplated this due to my circumstances. Within my situation my partner is very respectful and understanding. Although there is a age gap in my situation, herself twenty myself twenty five. I have to expect these kinds of low interest in this this type of lifestyle. Along with being nine months into the Relationship, quite early. Plenty of growth to be had. Though we have little interests that align and are in different stages of life that can be expected with largely different ages and influences. Those things can change in a maturing relationship. Communication is key. We have spoken on our direction and understand it may be the only thing that parts our paths individually but hope to see our seperate paths continue next to each other. So if you can speak to the person deeply on the possible disalignments and establish clear lies between you I don't see the reason for escaping. If the person is respectful of your journey you shouldn't need them to follow. Chances are they may in the future the more relevancy this material is put within society. I personally find my relationship a pleasant experience mostly even though the large differences. The more I become aware the more I enjoy everyday experiences along with my relationships. I feel closer and more inter wedded the further I progress. If you feel more separation the more you develop, you should consider your methods of development and consider is it serving you justice or not. It should be a liberating experience I feel.

A powerful quote I truely see truth in "Two beings that truely love each other, can live without each other but choose to be together"

I also feel these days people have such an expectency on a relationships wether intimate or not. From cultural demographics to personal influences. We draw so many unnecessary dichotomies and assumptions. This gives us a very narrow perception of that which we perceive and interact with. Rather then inspect that which is not of our nature we push it aside and focus elsewhere. I feel this to be a delusion. Everyone is individual and unique so in categorising that in turn ignorantly dismisses the space for authentically learning about them. Take good time to listen to others, you can lean more then you may first intend. It's a beautiful and unconditional way to live life I feel.

Apologies for the long post, such a deep topic and much that can be covered. Would love to hear more views on this 😊

 

 

 

 

Edited by Jacobsrw

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On 10/01/2018 at 0:08 PM, Goliath said:

from my experience with my gf:

1. Sometimes you will feel like you are living two lives. your self actualization might not be as supported by the other person as you hope, or you might get bored of their pace of actualization, so then you might do it all by yourself. Then you have the relationship for doing common activities and when youre alone you are doing the actualization stuff. This made me crave my alone time more and my gf felt like i didnt need her at all because i was doing so much on my own. And its hard doing this stuff together if the other person has no interest or curiosity in why you do all this.

2. imo the other person needs to understand why you are doing all this stuff, and even when they dont want to do any of it, they should at least understand how important it is for you and also support you in doing it, as well as giving you the time for that.

3. i think it can be fun. However watch out that you dont let the emotions go too high before you are exactly sure how this person works. If you are doing all these great improvements in your life, it is easy for them to fall in love with you, which in turn makes you more likely to do so as well. So watch out, this can backfire hard. Because once a commited relationship is established and you find out how incompatible you guys are it is extremely tricky and painful to leave the relationship.

4. From my experience this can be extremely frustrating. You love this person so deeply, but at the same time you are unable to share the things that are dear to you. I found myself stuck between my passions and my partner, unable to negotiate or give either of them up.

5. Yes! But this depends on the person. If the person is curious and open, and looking for better ways of doing things this could be great. But if the person thinks they have everything figured out or are simple too comfortable to consider their lifestyle for their own sake, it can also become very frustrating. Because you will see and imaginary version of them, how they COULD be if they were doing the self-development. You might fall in love with their potential instead of who they are actually.

Now im in a very painful breakup. Because I cant reconcile my partner with my vision of my life and how i want to live. The lesson im taking from this, is that if youre gonna find a person who is not into self-actualization TAKE IT VERY SLOW. Get to know them , and let them get to know you. Let them know how important this stuff is to you. So that they know whats up with you. And also, dont rush finding a relationship. Chances are that if youre into self-actualization you are doing fine alone at the moment, so dont grab the first person in sight. Youre in this for the long run, I'd say you either find someone who is into self-help or someone who doesnt know about it but is very interested in what you are doing.

I'm in this exact same position. I think it helps explain a lot. 

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@Shin Lol he isn't really the soccer stereotype.. xD He is also spiritual in his own way, but kinda hesitant to develop himself further...

And yoga?? Eh... Not for me. I'm just this deep meta philosophic occultism-oriented person who likes to crack a cold one with the crew (assuming that whatever's cracked doesn't contain alcohol, so it can range from cocoa milk to iced green tea). Here's a picture of me:

 

when-the-whole-crew-has-knowledge-ofself-but-still-likes-2863182.png

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@Jacobsrw Thank you, this is some amazing stuff! Bookmarked :D

@Shin Yeah you're right, sorry. :) Just wanted to say I'm very distant from both the female and male example.

 

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Posted (edited)

The question is "how important is it to you that your partner spiritually develop?"

That sort of depends on your personality, I think.

You may be ok with your partner as is, happy and content.

Or you may want a relationship where you're both developing together.

Depends on your particular inclinations.

 

 

Edited by Haumea

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On 26/02/2018 at 6:00 PM, Aquarius said:

@Shin Lol he isn't really the soccer stereotype.. xD He is also spiritual in his own way, but kinda hesitant to develop himself further...

And yoga?? Eh... Not for me. I'm just this deep meta philosophic occultism-oriented person who likes to crack a cold one with the crew (assuming that whatever's cracked doesn't contain alcohol, so it can range from cocoa milk to iced green tea). Here's a picture of me:

 

when-the-whole-crew-has-knowledge-ofself-but-still-likes-2863182.png

is that 3 buddhas? lol

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