Blocking & Deleting After a Break Up or Not?

[Miguel1]

If there is no need to keep contact (child, mutual company, unfinish shit), do you prefer to block and delete or not?

Give me your reasons.

For me, blocking and deleting gives me the necessary space to properly move on, even though it is hars as hell.

What about most pictures? Do you delete most or all? Or at all?

I prefer to delete most at least. Keep a few as memory. Probably should delete all to be honest.. would make moving on even easier.

And to make sure there is no misunderstanding:

The relationship I am talking about are ones where there’s deeply intimate attachment. Not some vague half-attached, half-assed relationships.

Edited 10 hours ago by Miguel1

[Joshe]

Keep it all around until it fades on its own. If you’re the type to go down memory lane and cling, maybe delete. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

I do not renumerate or think much on the past. 

So having relics of past relationships do not bother me.

I have always remained in touch with my exes - even the painful breakups.

I typically require 2/3 months of spaciousness to find my stride again and re-learn striking out alone. For that time I may have less contact. After that, though, I remain friends and catchup 2 or so times a year with them all.

Everyone deals with this differently in my experience.

[Leo Gura]

Only if the other person is crazy and refuses to leave you alone.

[aurum]

I've never felt the need to block anyone.

My breakups have all been pretty reasonable, all things considered.

[Yali]

Blocking is not a nice thing to do.

Only do it if the person did something to deserve it.

Edited 9 hours ago by Yali

[Juan]

In my early 20s I used to be like that, blocking my exes. But one ex made me deeply question my beliefs on the matter and asked me “what for? really”, simple question but I sit with it for a bit and concluded that there is not need to block anyone unless it’s breaking my boundaries.

2 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

What about most pictures? Do you delete most or all? Or at all?

Like nudes and shii?  Yea man, I clean my house completely so the next new person doesn’t have to presume anything. But also for BOTH of your healing process, I don’t want to make her/his healing process a nightmare by me coming back. No need to look at old pics with her/him, my phone basically becomes a new one lol, fresh start, gotta move on.

[Jirh]

Blocking (and related things like unfriending and unfollowing) is for girls. Men do not use these functions. We just ignore what we're not interested in.

Deleting photos and stuff is probably a healthy step towards moving on.

[Applegarden8]

I deleted because I really liked the person, so I wish the best for her but I don't want to see her, argue etc. It's over. Let me move on.

[Zenterus]

I personally keep my exes on social media unless they block or unfollow me. I don't delete all the pictures, only some, but I will absolutely delete their number. 

[Miguel1]

Thanks everyone for the answers. The reason you block, delete and get rid of old stuff is to signal to your brain that it is OVER. Do not even think of getting back, on any level.

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Thanks everyone for the answers. The reason you block, delete and get rid of old stuff is to signal to your brain that it is OVER. Do not even think of getting back, on any level.

Sure, you can do it that way.

This is like throwing out all your food when you decide to go on a diet. Haha.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

8 minutes ago, Miguel1 said:

Thanks everyone for the answers. The reason you block, delete and get rid of old stuff is to signal to your brain that it is OVER. Do not even think of getting back, on any level.

If that sort of method works for your mental hygiene - you do you

It isn't needed for everyone. 

I have friends who treat breakups as a "death" (of their previous mode of existence). So they need to totally wipe the past to appropriately grieve.

Edited 3 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Joseph Maynor]

Sometimes you need to turn the page and begin a new chapter for the sake of both of you.  

[Miguel1]

Yes. I have been contemplating whether this is immature and childhish or not.

All the adult conversations have been had, so it’s not about running away from them. Proper closure has been had.

The only left is that it was the most intimate relationship, by far. And my mind keeps wanting to catch up once in a while.

Even the blocking and deleting was discussed openly and lovingly with the ex.

It’s a relationship that I invested way too much into emotionally and energically, and so I think I need more harsh measures to signal to my brain that

”they are dead, they are really gone, do not think of them and think about talking to them anymore”.

- - - - -

@Leo Gura Perhaps more like throwing away all alcohol or cigarette when you want to get over addiction.

@Natasha Tori Maru I think I am similar to your friends here.

You introverts (and wise ) have it easier.

@Joseph Maynor That’s the idea here.

Edited 3 hours ago by Miguel1

[bazera]

Also depends on the breakup, how it affected you, how painful it was, if you broke up with her, or if she did and you were forced to do it, etc. Maybe some people don't give a shit about their partners after breaking up and seeing their faces all over social media don't affect them, but for some people seeing their ex (maybe with other people) it's like messing with an open wound.

Sometimes you need to completely detach from him/her to help the nervous system stabilize and deleting helps, but be careful if you do that, don't turn into an endless avoidance. 

All that is relevant when the breakup is fresh. After a while, after couple months, it kinda becomes irrelevant if you delete them or not. After attachment wears off, it doesn't mean much for most people.

Edited 3 hours ago by bazera

[Joseph Maynor]

I think what happens is many relationships run their course where both persons are taking each other for granted and there isn't enough novelty to adjust for that.  This is very common.  You can try to work on distancing, but then that becomes an issue because a relationship requires being in it.

[Miguel1]

@bazera Most painful break up by far. Yet it happened in the most loving and healthy way. I have never had a relationship end in such a way, quite the opposite.

And it was very healing actually.

The break up was a mutual agreement. We both discussed throughouly whether there is future or not.

Read my previous comment, all the hard and adult conversations have been had, there are no avoidance left.

The only thing left is to strongly and clearly signal for my brain that they are no longer here.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Miguel1 I don't personally view blocking and wiping as immature. It is literally the death of a relationship. Something has ended that will never return as it was. 

A proper grieving process is usually needed. And many people need space to do that. It is a natural boundary and part of self care to ensure our needs are met (IE healing). 

You might be able to return to rekindle a relationship of a type after a time. But that time is certainly required for many people ❤️

[Miguel1]

@Natasha Tori Maru Thank you Natasha ❤️

I think it was Teal Swan who said that losing a friendship or a relationship is worst that losing them to death, because your brain can understand death,

It is much harder for it to understand how someone can be the closest person for you for so many years and the suddenly turn into nothing, even though they are still very much alive.