Zenterus

Another thing I'd add, is that a lot of confidence is less about you recognizing somethinf in yourself or adding something to your being and more about letting go of beliefs that tell you otherwise. Your default setting as an organism is Loving Yourself. That's the DEFAULT. Thats how you were as a child. You just expressed yourself with absolutely no filter and just were loving life, being playful, demanding things, dreaming big, pursuing your genuine interests, being shameless, etc. But through the necessary process of socialization, certain aspects of you got clouded in shame and thus you formed negative beliefs about specific forms of your authentic expression and labelled them as bad. The way to accomplish REAL confidence isnt through affirmation or reading a page of all your accomplishments each day -- doing those things help but the con is that you become dependent on them rather than being truly internally confident. The real path is addressing all the beliefs that tell you that you're somehow deficient and interrogating the parts of you that buy in on those beliefs until you get to the root cause of WHY and HOW those beliefs were formed and then proactively taking steps to challenge them and eventually release them.

Beautiful message but I disagree with this part here. Social skills are like a muscle you have to continually engage. Doesnt matter how much you love yourself and how confident you are, if you havent done something with a lot of momentum your fluency in it is going to atrophy. Same goes for dancing, speaking a language, working out, etc. You have to keep the momentum going by regularly using the skill. As an artist, even when I draw I usually have to start by sketching a little bit first just to get into the flow of things. This doesnt mean that im not confident in my ability to draw, it just means that my wrist and motor functions need some waking up to towards the task that im about to undertake. A lot of guys think they're too good for warming up when out socializing and you know what happens as a result of that? Nothing. They just sit around looking cool, while the guys who were humble enough to warm up a bit and talk to some people who they have no real interest in are crushing it with the most attractive people in the social arena. I've seen this happen too many times.

Ah fair enough. Well, I honestly dont care to interact with those. I dont do quick number/instagram closes since I want to get a taste of the girl's personality first and if she's clearly in a hurry, then that goes against my standards of a solid approach. Plus, I believe in offering value when I approach women and if a girl is clearly on a mission, I view it as taking value from her and not respecting her agenda by approaching her in that context.

@Miguel1 Example: 1 - Did some day time approaching yesterday. I see a girl looking intently at her phone and I walk in front of her and say "Excuse me" in a very authoritative manner and she immediately jerks up, "Yes!" I start teasing her that I triggered one of her past lives that enrolled in the army with the way she jerked up. We had an awesome convo for like 15 minutes and exchanged info. 2 - Saw another girl yesterday towards the end of the session with a flowy dress floating in the wind. I open with "Damn, you look spiritual as hell. Bet you've been meditating for over a thousand years." She snort-giggles and we continue vibing and talking about spirituality and meditation and all that. She had a boyfriend but our vibe was very sensual and our eyes were locked the entire time. 3 - I opened another girl earlier with "If Nicki Minaj was 20 years younger, she'd look like you." Etc etc Basically, observational stuff and friendly stuff. I dont do looking for direction openers personally, but I prefer these more friendly, ambiguous opens that allow versatility.

I dont fully agree with this. Approaching indirect can work as long either: a) you transition effectively into a more direct approach later on, or b) your subcommunications are clearly displaying a sensual sexy vibe The later has actually become a problem for me since even when im trying to make friends with girls they often feel like im flirting even though im not because my vibe is naturally sensual, fun and dominant. So i have to explicitly make it known that im not looking for anything. Going in indirect works better than full direct from the start cause it buys you some time to showcase some personality first before the girl is put in a position where she has to make a decision.

Im curious, do you still go out at all? Cause based on your activity on the forum, you seem quite interested in male to female dynamics still.

@Joseph Maynor Brother, if it was that simple, guys would be getting laid all over. What are your results like, dating-wise? Do you actually have real world, extensive pick up experience? Or do you just sit on this forum day in and out, theorizing what you THINK should work?

Below is an excerpt from a .PDF I've been developing for some time now where I transcribe ALL MY KNOWLEDGE about women, dating and pick-up. This document is being created in order to distill down all my lessons from the last 10 years of doing pick-up, so that in case I get into a serious long-term monogamous relationship for multiple years and then end up breaking up, I will have the most high-consciousness information at my fingertips without having to refer to other pick-up coaches and/or having to re-learn the same lessons again in the field. The document is intended for personal use, therefore the language is in the first-person perspective, so keep in mind that depending on where you are in your journey, this information might not be of much help to you. I have 10 years of pickup experience, so the way that I operate within an interaction might not be transferrable to you as a beginner or intermediate, because I might not have the same mental limitations that you currently do in your journey. However, I thought it valuable to share and hope that it could provide insights to those that are ready for them. Enjoy. THE OPTIMIZED APPROACH – SUBTLETY & INDIVIDUALITY The ideal dynamic within an interaction is one that promotes mystery and provides the woman with a unique experience that feels spontaneous. Furthermore, the best approaches reinforce a narrative in which I am a high value man who is on his purpose, living an awesome life and while doing so, I just happened to run into this woman who peaked my curiosity and, thus, after interacting with her from a place of intrigue and skepticism, she eventually wins me over and sparks more genuine romantic/sexual interest from me. To create this dynamic, a more indirect approach is preferred that’s more focused on drawing her in, because it doesn’t give immediate resolution to the mystery and it allows for the interaction to feel more natural in its progression. Additionally, this type of approach allows for versatility in case the girl doesn’t meet my qualifications and I choose to befriend her instead, or if I decide I want to pursue someone else within her social circle. Another bonus, is that this approach protects me against building a reputation of going around complimenting every girl. Do not confuse this type of approach as hiding my intentions. The girl will view the interaction as a sexual/romantic encounter, no matter if I directly state it or not, as a result of the sex worthy vibe that I’m giving off and the assumed attraction in my behavior, but ideally, I will not overtly communicate that unless it’s through very subtle statements or qualifications that still maintain mystery and a high-value narrative or some form of push-pull that takes her on an emotional journey around whether she’s winning me over or losing me. This type of approach hinges on the fact that “subtlety is key.” That not only includes the man-to-woman nature of the interaction but also the logistics of it. I want to find out whether she has a boyfriend, where she lives, whether she’s with friends or not, what her time availability is, etc, without it being overtly obvious that I have an agenda behind asking these questions. Having that said, while ideally an indirect-direct approach where I’m just a cool sex-worthy guy who is simply sharing some good vibes with this girl and naturally draws her in is better, making my intentions overtly obvious is also a viable strategy, as long as it is paired with a good dose of skepticism on whether or not she’s a good fit for me – in order to inject that tension of “can I have him or not?” – as well as a unique and creative way of building that man-to-woman frame (notice I said frame not intent, more on that later) that highlights my individuality and puts me in my very own category rather than the girl perceiving me like I’m every other guy, using the same lines. Lastly, the ideal approach should be coming from a frame of assumed familiarity, meaning that I believe I’m on the girl’s level, I believe we’re already friends, I assume she’s going to like me and so I approach with a very chill, playful and laid-back demeanor, almost as if we’re already friends. This should come through in my tonality, in the smoothness of the approach and the way I naturally interact with her as if there’re no filters between us. If she feels like she knows me or wonders if we met before, that’s a very good sign.

Both. Since most men, generally speaking, have been indoctrinated into people pleasing and being ashamed of their sexuality and dominance, it is better to develop those traits first and foremost. Once you have a sufficient dose of those and you can attract women with them, then it makes sense to focus on your softer side as well (although, in my experience, those softer traits develop naturally the longer you spend around women who you have a deep bond to.)

Much better, thank you for asking, man!

@Hayato My conclusion after is all said and done is that she lied to me. And yes, learned a lot

@Zen LaCroix 🖕🏾

Today I was reminded that the way I've been living is often devoid of true passion, urgency, and abundance. I know there is so much more life available to me than the one I've been settling for. One thing became painfully clear: what I'm missing isn't more achievements. It's community. I don't need hundreds of friends. I only need a small circle of people who truly know me and love me. Three, four, maybe five people who have my back and who I have theirs. People I can laugh with, create with, call when life is hard, and share ordinary moments with. I want to sit in the park together, have deep conversations, host dinners, make art, read books, travel, and simply enjoy being alive together. The reason I don't have that isn't because I'm incapable of it. It's because I'm afraid. Deep down, I'm afraid of letting people get close enough to reject me. I'm afraid that if they truly knew me, they would see me as deficient or not enough. That same fear is the reason I struggle with relationships. I protect myself by choosing certainty over vulnerability. I avoid the women I truly want because being rejected by someone I genuinely like feels too painful. Instead, I move toward situations where I don't have to risk my heart. But that isn't the life I want anymore. I'm here for such a short time. I'm already getting older. Even if I live a long, healthy life, my years of youth and physical freedom are limited. I don't have endless time to postpone living. Every year I spend hiding behind fear is a year I'll never get back. One day I will die. Maybe there is something after death. Maybe there isn't. But what I know for certain is that I am conscious right now. Somehow I woke up into this mysterious experience called life, and one day that experience will end. That realization isn't depressing. It's liberating. It means there is absolutely no reason to spend my one life playing small. My experience of life matters because it's the only one I will ever have. I don't want to live according to my parents' expectations, society's expectations, or anyone else's definition of success. I want to live in a way that feels deeply alive to me. I want to connect. I want to create. I want to love. I want to read books in the park simply because it brings me joy. I want to call friends instead of waiting for them to call me. I want to visit my brother just because I can. I want to make time for the people I love. I want to create art. I want to make videos where I simply sit in nature and share what I'm thinking. I don't want to hide behind perfection or scripts. I want to speak honestly about life, pain, growth, purpose, and love. I want to share my perspective because that's who I am. I'm a deep person, and I want to stop apologizing for that. I want to draw. I want to write. I want to read. I want to build my YouTube channel in a way that feels authentic to me. I want to express myself freely without worrying about whether I'm good enough. Worth has nothing to do with any of this. I don't need to earn permission to live. I'm already here. I'm already conscious. That is enough. Instead of constantly asking whether I'm worthy, I want to ask whether I'm truly living. I don't need to wait until I have the perfect career, the perfect apartment, or the perfect circumstances before I start living passionately. Yes, I'll continue studying. I'll work hard, I'll pursue a career that gives me financial freedom and purpose. I'll explore my educational options carefully. But none of that means I have to postpone living. I can still call a friend. I can still join dance classes. I can still start martial arts again. I can still create. I can still laugh. I can still love. I can still host dinners. I can still build the community I've always wanted. Eventually, I want my life to be centered around connection. I want to wake up every morning asking myself, "How can I bring value to someone's life today? How can I show more love today?" That's the life I want. Not one built on fear. Not one built on validation. One built on connection. Because connection requires vulnerability. If I want deep friendships, I have to let people know me. If I want real love, I have to risk rejection. If I want a meaningful life, I have to stop waiting. Life isn't happening later. Life is happening now. So I choose to live now. I choose to connect now. I choose to create now. I choose to love now. I choose to be fully myself. My time is limited. That isn't a reason to be afraid. It's the greatest reason to truly live.

@WonderSeeker What a beautiful response, brother! I will take everything you said to heart. I don't feel seriously traumatized by this, mostly just shook, but it did bring to my awareness all the ways that I sabotage myself from attracting an amazing woman to me. I will transform into a new man because if this, mark my words.

@Valach Your argument has no foundation. You went from using the pain that women feel from guys not texting them to now moralizing about the ethics and integrity behind flirting with a girl you're not attracted to, after your initial point fell flat. And yes, you might live in a city where there are many attractive women concentrated in a small area -- or you just have low standards -- but that's not most guy's situation. Additionally, not many guys have an hour to walk around and prowl the streets for girls. People have lives. There's nothing wrong with approaching a girl and flirting with her just for the sake of it. In fact, its win win, in my opinion. I cant tell you how many times I approached a woman and had her thank me for flattering her with my attention because she was having a bad day or whatever. Flirting with women is a skill that requires a lot of practise if you're a newbie. Applying your logic to the financial aspect would be like telling a man who has no skills or education not to apply to minimum wage jobs and only apply to the jobs he really wants (lawyer, doctor, etc). How's that gonna work out for him? You have to start somewhere. And this is not me attacking you btw, bro. But you're just wrong.