Blocking & Deleting After a Break Up or Not?

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Valach I think online trauma, PTSD and C-PTSD are conflated. 

[Valach]

4 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Valach I think online trauma, PTSD and C-PTSD are conflated. 

In what ways do you think?

EDIT: Sorry, I missread that, I think I get what you meant now (not a native speaker )

Edited 7 hours ago by Valach

[Jirh]

Whatever guys. You don't have to justify yourselves to me. I'm not the arbiter of your maturity. I only stated my opinion.

It's your life. Do what seems right for you.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

14 minutes ago, Valach said:

In what ways do you think?

Depth, complexity and pathways to healing. 

Most notably the sort of debilitation involved in what some people ascribe to trauma would more properly be assigned to PTSD or C-PTSD. Because as soon as trauma begins to impede our functioning on a day to day level to the point we cannot function, it begins to become closer to diagnosable as one of these two pathologies. Trauma isn't a diagnosis in and of itself. But PTSD and C-PTSD are. There are more markers that qualify for a diagnosis of either of these two issues, I will add.

Trauma and it's related conditions can be associated with maturity. But trauma, PTSD and C-PTSD =/= immaturity by default.

I think when people say trauma and label it as incapacitating it is usually a pointer to a pathology (PTSD, C-PTSD or another condition entirely). 

I am sort of against a lot of the therapizing rheroric that is commonly online (I digress!).

Edited 7 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Valach]

5 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Depth, complexity and pathways to healing. 

Most notably the sort of debilitation involved in what some people ascribe to trauma would more properly be assigned to PTSD or C-PTSD. Because as soon as trauma begins to impede our functioning on a day to day level to the point we cannot function, it becomes diagnosable as one of these two pathologies. Trauma isn't a diagnosis in and of itself. But PTSD and C-PTSD are. 

Trauma and it's related conditions can be associated with maturity. But trauma, PTSD and C-PTSD =/= immaturity by default.

I think when people say trauma and label it as incapacitating it is usually a pointer to a pathology (PTSD, C-PTSD or another condition entirely). 

I am sort of against a lot of the therapizing rheroric that is commonly online (I digress!).

I would argue that a lot of "normal" trauma also has destabilizing effect on your day to day life. It is just much harder to notice because it is so much more common. Think a little kid who does not get approved by his parents enough and feels like he is not attractive enough and sufficient enough. Now he grows up with that belief ingrained in him and he will try to compensate for it. So he will try to be succesfull, get fit in the gym, buy nice clothes, have dating success, sleep around, do pickup and all the things that most other people are doing. Just because his life is built on false premise that he is not enough. But most people are like that so it is hard to notice.

So yea, I am traumatized and have a deep sense of shame about myself and it influences me a lot. I am an addict. But so is almost anyone I meet - they just don't know it themselves.

Edited 7 hours ago by Valach

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Just now, Valach said:

I would argue that a lot of "normal" trauma also has destabilizing effect on your day to day life. It is just much harder to notice because it is so much more common. Think a little kid who does not get approved by his parents enough and feels like he is not attractive enough and sufficient enough. Now he grows up with that belief ingrained in him and he will try to compensate for it. So he will try to be succesfull, get fit in the gym, buy nice clothes, have dating success, sleep around, do pickup and all the things that most other people are doing. Just because his life is built on false premise that he is not enough. But most people are like that so it is hard to notice.

Definitely I agree with this. 

We interpret events by default. Survival mechanism of the brain. If we take away the wrong understanding of what has transpired, we can end up on self blame. Shame. Guilt. These issues are so common and are at the root of many problems we carry unconsciously. Even from rather benign events. It is all in how we interpret the event and our subsequent relationship to the memory and feeling. This is why parenting and early models of love are so important; a parent can help us correct our understanding of an event and resolve responsibility. Trauma can be loosely defined as the inability to resolve responsibility of a past event.

I should have been more diligent with my explanation above. PTSD and C-PTSD have a wide constellation of other issues needed for diagnosis. But we typically only seek help when we are almost non-functional. 

[meta_male]

@Miguel1 I only blocked one girl and deleted her number cause I wanted her out of my life and not be tempted to reach out for several reasons, I didn't find it necessary for the others. Every now and then, there might be a text several months later, it never really hurt to leave the door open. I do wonder what they're up to and how they've been, especially since we did share genuinely intimate and meaningful moments together.

As for photos, I kept most of them cause they're attached to good memories. But I’ll admit that sometimes it does hurt to look through them. I can be quite emotional about that kind of stuff... especially, because in some way I still love them deeply.

Btw, I'm sorry to hear about the breakup, mate.

Edited 7 hours ago by meta_male

[Miguel1]

20 minutes ago, Jirh said:

Whatever guys. You don't have to justify yourselves to me. I'm not the arbiter of your maturity. I only stated my opinion.

It's your life. Do what seems right for you.

Nobody is justifying to you. Very weird that it even crosses your mind.

We are having a Mature conversation.

Gosh.

[Lyubov]

A lot easier said than done to block and delete 

[Spiral]

I don’t block or delete. I find it rude and inconvenient if there are something left to deal with. Assuming they are not annoying or bothersome

[Juan]

5 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Miguel1 I don't personally view blocking and wiping as immature. It is literally the death of a relationship. Something has ended that will never return as it was. 

For me nowadays is kinda is unless you both truly needed a break. Cuz what if you see them again on the streets? You gonna look away and run? Lol. The relationship didn’t ended in a bad note or the relationship wasn’t that bad, it just didn’t work out as expected.

Do as you please but I think the real mature approach for me now is to just accept it. I’ve seen some of my exes around and it feels awkward to ignore them and having them blocked. Now I said hi to them and ask how they’re doing, respecting our new boundaries ofc.

5 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

@bazera Most painful break up by far. Yet it happened in the most loving and healthy way. I have never had a relationship end in such a way, quite the opposite.

Then there is no need for blocking imo, maybe for the break sake. I unblock whenever I feel ready.

Edited 5 hours ago by Juan

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Juan I don't block or delete people. 

If you encounter someone in the streets, it doesn't have any bearing on blocking and deleting. It's not literal. Just a small measure of boundaries where we can draw them. 

Edited 4 hours ago by Natasha Tori Maru

[Monster Energy]

If there’s no reason to stay in contact, I’d block and delete. Not out of spite, just because keeping the door open makes moving on harder. Out of sight, out of mind. Keep a few pictures if they mean something, but I wouldn’t keep an entire archive of someone I’m trying to move on from.

 

[Monster Energy]

Ghosting someone is worse than blocking.

 

[Schizophonia]

4 hours ago, Miguel1 said:

Nobody is justifying to you. Very weird that it even crosses your mind.

We are having a Mature conversation.

Gosh.

He means to his opinion

[Miguel1]

22 minutes ago, Monster Energy said:

If there’s no reason to stay in contact, I’d block and delete. Not out of spite, just because keeping the door open makes moving on harder. Out of sight, out of mind. Keep a few pictures if they mean something, but I wouldn’t keep an entire archive of someone I’m trying to move on from.

 

Yes it works as a clarification tool. You clarify for your subconscious that they are no longer.

This is not necessary for many relationships, but for some it is. The more intimate and the harder it is to let go, the more likely you need to use such tools.