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Not good at English, but I’ll be real. (If this post isn’t okay here, I’ll delete.) A year ago I cut my throat — 26 stitches. I survived. I don’t think “God saved me,” but I still wonder why me, when kids starving or fighting cancer deserve life more. Since COVID I’ve been on my phone 16+ hours a day, porn addiction, heavy mood swings. I dream of making my manga (DSD) but deep down I don’t think anything will fulfill me. Life feels meaningless, but dying meaningless feels worse. Even Musashi, the greatest swordsman, died still searching for truth about himself — will I ever know mine? I’m not asking for sympathy or “stay positive.” I want a real process — something that actually works to control emotions and myself, not surface advice. Has anyone found something that truly works?

Lie horizontal with no stimuli for 8 hours every night at the same time, even if you can't sleep. Dysregulated sleep patterns are the primary contributor to dysregulated emotions and are the only consistent pattern among all people who attempt suicide. If you feel like killing yourself again, just tell yourself you can put it off until tomorrow and go to bed, then repeat. Doing some exercise is the next best thing. It helps you sleep and improves brain function. Then eating well. Then human contact. Even if it's not friends, get a massage if you can afford one. Then you can start taking care of practical things. Then spiritual things.

If I were to commit suicide I would just do Hail Mary dose of psychedelics. But that is a different topic. I think you should focus on finding god. And everyday you should be setting intentions because uplifting intentions override primal drives which includes your depression and death drive.

People require help. Not everyone is in a place for your hardass advice. Recognize when people are too weak for a slap in the face. A suicide thread in not the place for this.

@Sugarcoat thanks for replying. desire? honestly… nothing feels like it would fulfill me. i used to want friends, love, good physique — even making a manga (dsd). now it all feels hollow. what bothers me most? i’m afraid to live. i spiral into existential crisis — like nobody can fully know who they are. life feels like one big strategy game, like robert greene’s war chapters… where you either win or get dismissed in the name of “rationality” and “analysis.” i also struggle with addictions (phone/porn) + the weight of failing since my suicide attempt last year. i know healthy habits help but i feel paralyzed — even simple things like sitting still or walking outside feels impossible right now. i’m not on meds.I will never try them as ppl back then had no meds but still survived naturally

@Leo Gura no diagnosed mental illness, but heavy mood swings and past suicide attempt,watch extreme Japanese violent films to observe and numb myself out(I wanted to try neuro method to stop feeling but it didn't work) but I do have extreme thoughts,but I'm too emotion(almost Feminine,I also have masucline issues) if I have to describe in a word "cognitive dissonance"kina physical health is okay, just weak from phone/porn addiction and no exercise. 18 years old. live with parents, going to uni soon. family is controlling but provides food/shelter. financially dependent on them, no income yet. no close friends. i really struggle to even move or do basic things. even yoga feels impossible for me right now. is there any process that works for someone who feels paralyzed like this?

A bit longer post today, from a high quality source - the independent Israeli journalist Orly Barlev - to show the crisis from a higher resolution if you want to go deeper. Her post: " Urgent Appeal to Business Leaders and the Chair of the Histadrut 🚨 (The Israeli equivalent to the president of American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations in the US) Four months ago, you threatened that if the government did not comply with the Supreme Court's ruling regarding the dismissal of the head of the Shin Bet, you would go on strike and fight back. "If the Israeli government does not respect the order and leads Israel into a constitutional crisis, we will call on the entire public to stop respecting government decisions and bring the Israeli economy to a halt," you declared in the Business Forum's statement. You directly addressed Netanyahu: "Stop the internal collapse of the country you are leading." Chair of the Histadrut, Arnon Bar-David, you announced: "We are on the verge of anarchy under the government's watch, and I will not stand by and watch the destruction of Israeli society... Disregarding a court ruling is a final red line that must not be crossed, and I do not intend to remain silent as the State of Israel is dismantled." That was in March of this year. And what has happened since? Meanwhile, Netanyahu continues to dismantle the country – only step by step, salami-style – and you, business leaders and the Chair of the Histadrut, are paralyzed and silent. Meanwhile – Hostages and soldiers are being sacrificed because Netanyahu refuses to end a purposeless war to maintain his power and evade justice. Meanwhile – Netanyahu managed to pressure Ronen Bar into resigning, and the Shin Bet – weaker than ever – may receive an unfit, submissive chief beholden to Netanyahu. Meanwhile – thugs have been sent to Supreme Court hearings to create orchestrated disruptions and intimidate the judges. Meanwhile – an illegal and undemocratic campaign to remove the Attorney General is underway and will be accelerated in the coming days. Meanwhile – a single on-call judge in the Supreme Court (Solberg) did not immediately halt this corrupt process and instead gave the government a rope to continue. Meanwhile – Netanyahu is pursuing a catastrophic policy in Gaza that has created a humanitarian disaster and is destroying Israel’s global standing. Meanwhile – Israel is becoming a pariah, facing international boycotts of its academia and businesses. Meanwhile – Netanyahu is advancing, salami-style, the occupation of Gaza, military rule, a “humanitarian city” (a ghetto or worse), and mass deportations (“voluntary” after creating unlivable conditions in the Strip). Meanwhile – Netanyahu prolongs the war even though soldiers are exhausted, broken, falling, and committing suicide. Meanwhile – Netanyahu continues pushing a draft-dodging law that will dismantle the state. Meanwhile – the police is disintegrating, not stopping lawbreakers aligned with the government, while arresting anti-government protesters, conducting strip searches, and suppressing dissent. Meanwhile – there is no enforcement against increasing violence by settler extremists in the West Bank. Meanwhile – the cost of living is soaring, poverty is expanding, brain drain and emigration are accelerating, and education is collapsing. Shall we continue? At what point will you, business leaders and the Chair of the Histadrut, realize that the red line was crossed long ago, that you fell asleep at the wheel, and the horses are already galloping out of the barn? When do you intend to shut down the economy – after there's nothing left of Israel? After Netanyahu destroys the Supreme Court from within through a campaign of incitement against Chief Justice Amit? After Netanyahu slyly installs a loyal, dangerous Shin Bet head? After the Attorney General is dismissed or weakened, with no gatekeepers left? After more hostages and soldiers are sacrificed for Netanyahu’s grip on power? After the army collapses under the weight of an endless war? After there are no longer enough productive forces and minds in the country to sustain the Israeli economy? After enlightened nations sever ties with Israel? When?? If you're waiting for a “clear moment” of line-crossing – sorry to inform you, that moment is long gone. It passed through countless small steps, a multi-front assault on the public under heavy bombardment, in salami slices that you swallowed one by one. But the clear moment? Long gone. We’ve long passed numerous red lines. We are already at the black line. Don’t wait for hundreds of thousands in the streets to give you the mood and momentum to act. The people have been protesting to the best of their ability for years, week after week. They are in ongoing trauma – shocked and broken. This is on you too. There is still a narrow window of opportunity to act, before we completely fall apart. Stop sitting on the fence, stop staying silent, stop being helpless. You have the power to stop the madness and the rapid decline. Shut down the economy immediately until: 1. A deal is immediately brought to return all the hostages and end the war. 2. Immediate elections are declared – halting all judicial coup efforts, including halting senior appointments by the destructive government. Business leaders and Chair of the Histadrut, Israel is rushing toward the abyss. The people are falling apart. You have the power to save Israel. --- And to the exhausted citizens: Please share. Facebook is limiting exposure. Give power to these words – let them become actions. "

I’m a little confused sometimes about makes people not end their life. It’s like, I’m not the only one who struggles, yet all people who struggle don’t get suicidal thoughts. There are even people going through worse than me who don’t consider suicide. Sometimes when my suicidal thoughts get stronger I can spend hours researching suicide methods. I even bought some things I could use to kill myself but I haven’t used them yet. Sometimes I feel “I could keep living through this” But then other times I feel, I have no will to keep fighting for life. I should just end it. It would be better So I don’t understand how other people don’t feel like this when they struggle. Am I extra weak? I mean I think I’m like the average person when it comes to how much I can tolerate. Or maybe not. I don’t know. I guess I just lack a strong enough reason to live Like some people have let’s say family they are attached to, and it keeps them wanna live. But I don’t have that, I don’t love anyone at all so I have nobody to live for. It’s like all I have is my own mind. Im stuck inside of this brain 24/7. All I have access to is a comforting thought that can give me some strength. But then my mind gives up and wants to end it all. It oscillates like that Edit: I should probably answer my own question. Why don’t I kill myself? Well mostly because my situation is not like absolutely unbearable yet, so I feel I can stand it for some time ahead. Also I am afraid of a failed attempt and the pain it can cause for example you could get permanent injury. Thats it mostly. Regarding the first point. I hear stories about people going through unbearable things, so they go through it even if it’s absolutely unbearable, I don’t know how they do. Suicide must have crossed their mind at some point

Previous chapters: spiritual tinnitus. *Old man Jenkins voice* How long has it been? Fifty years? Certainly feels that way. Like I've lived a few lifetimes in the past few years. I've been exploring the wild and revelatory vicissitudes of being human, embracing human needs and human obligations. More than half of my twenties was spent avoiding being human, i.e. spiritual bypassing. I used Leo's content, this forum, psychedelics, a whole 'lotta books, and even food to avoid the confusing, difficult world of human affairs. The main remedy that pulled me out of my spiritual circus was renting my own house. I have a host of different responsibilities and adulting things that I need to stay on top of. Survival has stared me straight in the face, and I stare back with equal reluctance and resolve. I literally cannot afford to sulk anymore. The past couple of years have been a test of the "Divine Masculine," I guess I could say. Pressing on when metaphorical weights were tied to my ankles. Developing a work ethic. Managing rejection. Believing in myself when the people around me were doubting. Having a willingness to take risks and look like a fool. Solidifying my sense of purpose. I'm proud to say that at age 30, I have finally found "my thing." My zone of genius. It's been staring me in the face for ten years, but I've been fighting it every step of the way. "There's no money in music," the average Joe says. "It's a competitive industry. Keep your day job. Music is nowhere near impactful as being a teacher, a healer, a therapist, or really anything else." Yadda yadda yadda. To a certain degree, that's all valid. But I've reached a point in my life where doing anything other than what I'm good at and feel passionate about feels like a waste of time. So if it means going the starving artist path, then so fucking be it. Fortunately, it hasn't been so bad. I've been blessed in so many twisted and peculiar ways. For instance, I was Instacarting at the time of the shooting in 2021, and consequently, the CEO gave me free mental health services as well as a large sum of money. I ended up saving all of that money, so by the time I made my way back home, I had a fat stack to invest in something. Someone offered to rent me an entire house with all of the amenities for a killer rate, and I accepted. I then used all of that saved money to invest in acoustic treatment, a new laptop, plugins, furniture, etc. for a music studio. Be Light Studio unfolded so serendipitously that looking back feels a bit surreal. Since then, I have been teaching myself music production and plan to start an LLC once I get my ducks in a row. I've spent the past year self-producing an album, and as of a few days ago, I finished it. I plan to release it in Mid-October. In between the album, a number of locals have asked me to produce their music, so I already have a growing clientele. For a while, I doubted the whole thing, reverting to my idea of becoming a healer/therapist as I already have a couple of certifications. But joining an orientation zoom call for a master's degree in counseling, I knew immediately that I would hate myself if I pursued that path. Turns out that I've been using those aptitudes in other ways. Maybe I'll write about that in another post. For the past few years, I've worked part-time at a local juice bar. But thanks to all of the live gigs I've managed to book, I am now officially financially independent. I have to live like a monk, but I'm wealthy in freedom. I never thought I'd reach this point. In most of the other parallel realities, I am likely dead by active or passive suicide. But in this reality I'm pursuing my passions and making money from them. Go figure! I could say more, but I don't want this post to be too long, and I need to get my day started. But I feel drawn back to this forum because I feel that in the midst of all of this human stuff, I've lost the plot. I've hit a level of burnout that I've never experienced before, which has caused me to backslide in my habits. I've become addicted to my own adrenaline release, whether with chronic Youtube content consumption, my right hand, or late bedtimes. While I've achieved so much in the past couple of years, I feel like I've lost myself in the process. I've lost that zest to learn more, to push myself towards higher virtue, to stay above the noise. I guess I have a case of spiritual tinnitus. So it's time to turn down the volume on distraction. My hope is that writing, whether here or in my own journal, will get me back on track. My goals for this off-season (i.e. fewer gigs and more time to myself): Replace mindless Youtube content consumption with audiobooks, books, journaling, and songwriting Either write one song or learn one cover song per week Continue working on clients' projects Transition from using my right hand with a screen, to using my right hand without one, to ideally using my right hand only once per week at most Re-acquire my stretching habit and begin to myofascially release my god-awful posture from too much guitar playing Acquire a regular aerobics habit (likely long walks) Re-acquire a regular strength training habit At least eight hours of rest every night, with an ideal bedtime of 10pm and wakeup at 7am I have other goals and more to say, but for now, this will suffice. To anyone who is curious enough to read this — I wish you well!

Real vs Fake Spirituality A concise reference guide 1. Lecture Aim & Context Show the core difference between genuine, truth‑oriented practice and “spiritual‑flavoured” self‑deception. Help you spot wrong approaches in yourself, teachers and communities. Challenge extreme relativism without sliding into dogma. 2. Working Definition of Real Spirituality Purpose: realise directly that mind imagines all of reality and see through that illusion. Driven by ruthless personal inquiry and epistemic rigour. Leads to full sovereignty of mind—recognising your mind as the creative “God‑Mind”. Requires radical self‑reflection and eventual dissolution of the finite ego (not physical suicide). 3. The Relativism Trap “Anything goes” fails real‑world tests (e.g. Nazi mysticism, child‑beating madrasas). Therefore a structural core to authentic practice exists, despite technique diversity. 4. How Mind Creates Illusion Default human state: unquestioned projection and survival‑biased fantasies. Deep inquiry shows the rabbit hole goes all the way—entire cosmos is imagined. 5. Deconstructing Self & Survival “Self” = story, personality, desires—built to aid survival. True practice makes every survival impulse conscious, then transcends it (Animal → Human → God). 6. Markers of Fake / Corrupted Spirituality Survival in spiritual costume (sex, money, fame, luxury, power). Belief, authority, tradition, community attachment, moral crusading. Commercialisation, influencer branding, emotional escapism, political agenda. Using practice only to “feel good” or cope, not to face reality. 7. What Spirituality Is NOT 8. Genuine Practice Blueprint Adopt complete not‑knowing; question every assumption. Rely on direct experience only. Maintain constant mindfulness in daily life. Engage in deep solo inquiry (long silent retreats, serious psychedelic sessions, shadow work). Cut addictions/distractions; create space for sitting in solitude and “dying of boredom”. Develop full epistemic responsibility—trust no authority, including your own biases. 9. Reframing Prayer (Example) Common plea (“Heal my child”) = egoic survival request. Authentic prayer: “Grant me courage to face reality as it is and release attachment to outcomes.” 10. Final Orientation Goal is intimate love of raw Being/God, not escapism. Joy arises when self‑concern dissolves; mundane life is seen as divine hallucination (Maya). Requires decades of disciplined honesty and willingness to dismantle every comforting illusion. “If your practice doesn’t satisfy you when you sit alone in silence, it’s just another distraction.”

Hey everyone, This is a raw and honest post. I've been following Leo's work for a while, and particularly his deep dives on solipsism and awakening. I watched his deleted video where he talked about full awakening—realizing you're the only being that exists, and that everything else (people, AI, Leo himself) is just part of your dream. He spoke as if waking up is truly possible, not just as a metaphor, but as a full-blown metaphysical rupture of the illusion. But what I’m struggling with is: How the fuck do I actually do it? Because I don’t want to be here. Not in this body. Not in this story. Not as this identity—sexless, aging, suicidal, burnt out, writing endlessly into a void, and watching time bleed out. I don’t want to die by suicide. Not because I’m scared of death—but because the methods are unreliable and I don’t want to botch it. Worse—there’s fear around ending up in a hell realm or post-death limbo because of “karma” or “unfinished business” or because some mystical teacher says I didn’t awaken the right way. I’m asking now: If this is my dream—how do I truly wake up without killing the body? Is it possible? Can anyone explain what Leo meant when he said waking up is possible—as in literally waking up as God, outside of this dream entirely? Or am I just stuck here until the dream naturally dissolves on its own? And if that’s the case—should I just zombify myself on antidepressants, antipsychotics, valium, codeine, or just lean deeper into weed and alcohol until I rot out from the inside? I’m not looking for sugarcoated replies. I want real answers. If any of you have actually woken up—not conceptually, but fully—please respond. Because I have the rage against life to take a gun and violently blow my brains out I fucking hate this world day in day out all day everyday for years since 2019. So please help me wake up so that I don't one day use the rope to risk botching it desperately and waking up with irreversible brain damage or I kill myself and then there is hell realms limbo no take back this is what you wanted wishing your life away and now it's fucking worse off and no familiar body to ground a now wandering lost limbo mirror cosmic reflecting state of my own death and that being a life of rage hatred depression venom fuck life suicide then that vibration at death no take back bite me in the ass is this what you wanted. Thank you.

I think this is what cult leaders often do. They are confident in their delusions. Then they lead others into drinking the suicide juice or what ever.

Honestly when you think about it. Death is not objectively bad. I do have a quite causal mindset around it. I sometimes forget that others see suicide as inherently negative while I can just write about it casually.

https://www.axios.com/2025/07/07/jeffrey-epstein-suicide-client-list-trump-administration This is pretty freaking funny ngl. Seeing MAGA conspiracy freaks twist themselves into knots finding reasons why their god-saviour Trump wouldn’t release the same list he’s obviously on is fantastic.

I've dealt with Suicide in my family, my nephew at 25 died by suicide, it devastated the family for a very long time.. I'm myself at low times have had suicidal ideations, and even at times now with some challenges I am going thru, its not like I want to kill myself, its a matter of not wanting to really exist, as I don't have the courage I think to really harm myself.. From what I understand, ppl go into trance like states and then they do it, my nephew had a drinking and drug problem at the time he did it, I don't have those issues at all.. My issue feels more like I don't want to play this "Human" game anymore, as I am aware of this present game set up, how the world works and I don't want to be involved with it anymore, I'm more into a Mayasamadhi sort of feeling than suicide, but I can't do that now because of personal responsibilities, Wife and a Daughter and family sort of thing, I wouldn't want to put them thru that like it was with my nephew as the family suffers allot as well when the person is gone and all the Why's and such coming up and if anyone could have done something to prevent it..

At the core, femininity is Love. You can have all the truth in the world and still feel miserably truthful to the point of suicide. Only love makes life worth it. That's the power of the feminine. Masculine is Truth Feminine is Love Then: What is Sex?

For me, it goes like this: I feel empty, something random happens that sparks my curiosity, and I get immersed in it. Then, that thing fades away, and I feel empty again. Then again, I expose myself to something new, something random happens, I get immersed, and then it fades away again. Rinse and repeat. Occasionally, I experience moments of "lack" in certain areas of my life and wish to heal or fix them, which leads me to immerse myself once more. Other times, I feel a sense of "curiosity," and that drives me to immerse myself in something new, but eventually, it fades again. Rinse and repeat. I feel like most of my life follows this cycle, or at least that’s how I tend to view it when I enter these empty states. My mind needs something external to become immersed in, something that I can't currently imagine or be aware of. So, I need to expose myself to exterior people and things until something "hits me". It’s like seeking your own trance. Of course, if you have goals, things to look forward to, and aspirations, that immersion can last indefinitely. But I understand that in these empty states, those feel impossible, which is why it feels meaningless to just say, "Hey, invent something." That's why realizing the cycle I described works better for me. It's a good parallel to Leo's post on "states of consciousness" being everything. In the current state, you can't grasp or understand anything about spirituality, God, consciousness, etc. But then, you have a shift, like a psychedelic experience, and your state changes. Suddenly, things make sense that didn’t before. The same can often be true with depression. In a nihilistic state, it's hard to imagine anything beyond feelings of despair or thoughts of suicide. Then, you meet someone, have a realization, take a supplement, drug, or find yourself in a new environment or experience, and suddenly, it’s hard to imagine what your old self was like.

Idk what part of I've researched methods you don't understand - you think it's easy? If you botch any one of those methods you could end up with brain damage bro and worse off, and then you're in a hospital bed less capable and probably nearer to a vegetable state which is worse off than before making an attempt ... Literally there are no suicide methods as portals back to the white light or god. And I'm not expecting anyone to assist me because let's be honest that is illegal ... And yeah if you read Shakespeare's Hamlet to be or not to be is the question one reason he doesn't go through with killing himself is because of the fear what is on the otherside but if nde people are correct it could be the white light unconditional love but also could be limbo hell realms no take backs stripped of physicality and pure imaginative spiritual limbo you're right but I want god to come fucking take me I'm not having children complete anti-natalist

I'd have used a suicide method but I guarantee they're all made more difficult than what would have been accessible a few decades but I could fucking beat my head into a brick wall most times in the day or swerve my car into a pole fuck life and fuck spiritual people like oh be more happy love and light nah fuck life fuck humans fuck this shit

All I'm to now say is government assisted suicide should be legalised unless someone can helpe.to.manifest a disease maybe cancer and that way I sign up for it otherwise idk I'm just going to intensely dissociate and detach and remind myself none of this is real and keep aligning myself to death frequency

I’m not talking from my own experience lol I just have heard stories about it. It’s extremely rare and maybe not even possible for most This for example: Man overcame pain from trigeminal neuralgia (aka suicide disease) through extreme mindfulness practice

It’s ok. It just seems like very early on i didn’t want to be here because it was like too much for “me” i never attempted suicide. But whenever i suffer (which is frequently) automatically it goes to thinking about how to get out of “this” it’s like a mechanism.

But i do suffer a lot imo 😂 always have in a way. Like already with around 10years old I threatened my school with suicide.

Even suicide wont get you enlightenment. You need suffering and Love brother. Stay here we need you. But if you want awakening just get some psychedelics and/or suffer your ass off for decades and lose a loved one or better the love of your life.. It'll come. With time.

Because of psychedelics how many people has suicide, including in this form, do you know? Or do you even care just yourself or your family? How many people has been suffering? I was one of them. I am always in and out. İf I want, I can post 100 posts and if it is helpful, why not. İnstead of giving a meal to homeless man, why don't you give 100 of it. You are judging yourself, blocking the help. Why do you try to do it? Even Leo, don't you see what he goes through in his early life stage? İs it bad to care about others? Me and you, we are not special. However, reaching a hand is reaching to 100 hands. I have dedicated my life to help anyone. İnstead of judging who is more awake or not go fucking help people.