JoshB

I apologize totally got off topic

@Leo Gura I feel like a victim to my own imagination which is reality itself.

I also had an awakening that the entire internet is my imagination. I was so concious that anything I wanted to appear on my monitor would literally appear as Truth. I could open youtube and every video is exactly as Imagined in real time. ive had states where literally anything i imagined becomes Absolute Truth. But i cant sustain it and come back down to my everyday state. And its like im locked out of my own mind.

I was abused for years, told it was my fault, and my anger was shamed and met with more physical punishment and negative reception. Im emotionally exhausted just thinking about it

I worded that wrong I meant you are You absolutely are responsible for any and all of your anger and emotion. Its just hard to realize it when youre abused and I see it as justified There exists nothing but you so ultimately all anger must come from you

We're on the exact page, im saying see through the victim hood to your reaction is the challenge. Im not saying you are the source of the reaction or emotion.

Yes i can allude to what you guys are getting at im just trying to give the most radical example where anger would be justified

But maintaining the disillusionment of self while being abused isn't easy.

If you want to get technical there isn't anyone to get upset.

@No1Here2c @Natasha Tori Maru try getting abused for years yourself and when you start to get upset think to yourself oh yes I must be selfless this is all coming from ego This is easier to claim in theory not practice If I abuse you for years beating you and tell you hey mans its all just ego I would love to see that response

Even if you're abused physically for years?

Im curious for those who have realized these directly what the awakening to them was like and how they have altered your direct experience. Your Will as Reality itself

Ofc that much is obvious and being painfully aware of the limits of what you know God is Life with a capital L that doesnt mean there are things as a human that can make that cant make it hell I dont want to improve my life its too exhausting i just want to stop dreaming entirely like none of this ever happened If I go all of this comes with me

@Leo Gura

I want to die but death or even the self isn't real so im left with this fucking reality with these meta self imposed limits where I have to deal with these impersonal unloving idiots