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"And exactly after this post, that Amazing & Loving Person "SoonHei" Jumped from the Bridge in Toronto Canada, committed suicide and gave his life and died." :-( He was my best friend. :-(

The Glass Pyramid by Greg Margolis Part I 1. 2007 On the helicopter, Lynne is looking at the photo of herself and Michael. Harry is piloting the helicopter, with John looking on. Harry is looking at a piece of notebook paper. John: What's that? Harry: Cheat sheet Jensen drew for me. John: You don't know where’s your landing field? Harry: I know where it is. The helicopter begins flying into heavy gray clouds. John: Why are you flying directly into the storm? Harry: Why don't you just sit back and let me do my job, huh? John turns to look at Lynne, who is still looking at the photograph. John: Is that Mike? Lynne: Yes. The helicopter experiences turbulence. Lightning strikes Harry: Damn it! Harry struggles to keep the chopper steady. Harry: Hold on! Lynne looks around, gripping the seat. 2. 1993 Michael is asleep. His hair is cut short, and he's in a military base. SERGEANT: ON YOUR SODDING FEET! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! Michael opens his eyes. It takes him a few moments to realize where he is. SERGEANT: What are you waiting for, Norman? Michael rockets out of his bed and gets into line. SERGEANT: What's the matter, Norman? Did you not hear me? Michael: I'm sorry, Sir. I was...I was having a dream, Sir. SERGEANT: Having a dream, were you? And what were you dreaming about, that it took you SO SODDING LONG TO GET TO YOUR MARK??!! Michael: I was on a helicopter, Sir. And there was a storm, Sir. And… I don't remember the rest, Sir. SERGEANT: Well, at least it was a bloody military dream. Right! All of ya! In the yard, four minutes. And you can thank Private Norman for having to do it in double time. Move! *** A group of 15 soldiers are in the mud and rain, doing pushups. SOLDIER 1: One, two, three! REST: Four! SOLDIER 1: One, two, three! REST: Five! SERGEANT: One hundred crunches! Go, go, go, go, go! SOLDIER 1: One, two, three, four... John: I hope your dream was worth it, mate. Michael: I'm sorry, brother. It's just that, I've never had a dream so vivid. It was like I was actually THERE. SEARGANT: Have you got something to say, Norman? Michael remains silent. SERGEANT: I asked you a question, soldier! 3. 2007 Lynne is extremely disturbed. Harry: We're almost through it. I see daylight! Lynne begins to unbuckle herself John: What are you doing? Lynne! Are you alright? Lynne: Lynne?! My name is Michael! 4. November 14th, 1993. In the office of Professor Arthur Jensen at Oxford University, his wife, Maggie is drinking her third cup of black coffee. Arthur tries again to phone the chopper via a very special satellite. Galethea & The Galactic Traveler stand nearby. The Traveler: Alright. They took off a day ago. Why haven't we heard from them? Maggie: I'm going to tell you again, as I've been telling you all night. I don't know! You heard the same thing as I did when we called the helicopter. What makes you think I know anything? Galethea: Because you're not worried. Maggie: Excuse me? Galethea: Your Channel Tunnel is 30 miles long, it should have taken them, what? 20 minutes to get there? So why aren't you worried? Maggie: Should I join my hands together and whisper a prayer on their behalf!? Arthur: Hey, hey, hey, c'mon. Maybe we should just…just tell them. Traveler: Tell us what? Maggie: Honey, let's not confuse anyone. Galethea: Well, Professor, maybe if you talk real slow, we'll be able to follow. Professor Jensen takes a deep breath and says okay. Arthur: Your perception of how long your friends have been gone, is not necessarily how long they've actually been gone. Traveler: What does that mean? Maggie: This is a mistake. Arthur: It'll be fine, it'll be fine. As long as Harry flew on the bearings I gave him. If he stayed on them, it'll be fine. Traveler: And what if he didn't? Arthur: Then there might be… um…let's call it side effects. *** On the copter. John: We're at eight hundred feet, sit down! Lynne: What am I doing here!? Harry: What the hell's going on!? John: Something's wrong with Lynne! Lynne: I'm Michael, for Christ sake! Harry: Hold her there, John! John: I'm trying! Lynne: Let go of me! Harry: We'll be there in two minutes! The helicopter digresses down, and comes close to the french coast. John lets Lynne go. She notices the photo clenched in her hand. The helicopter lands. As John sees 2 soldiers run over to meet the passengers, he arms himself. Wes: Harry, what are you doing back? Eric: Who are they?! Harry: Members of the Council. Wes: You shouldn't have brought them here, what the hell were you thinking?! Lynne: Alright, where am I? who are you people? Eric: Calm down, Lynne. Lynne: What am I doing here? Why you keep calling me Lynne? John: My friend is disoriented! Lynne: I'm not your friend! I don't know you! Wait.. are you John Morrison? John: Yes, Lynne! You've remembered! Wes: When did she start doing this? Harry: She was fine when we took off. When we hit some weather... Hey, Jensen told me as long as I stayed on the vector… Wesley motions for him to stay quiet. He and Eric step toward Lynne but are blocked by John. Wes: What's your name, my friend? John: John. Wes: Okay, John. Look, we're going to take your friend to the nearest hospital. John: I'm going with you. Wes: Let a doctor look at her first, then you can come down. You got my word on that. John, after some time, nods. Wesley and Eric approach Lynne. Eric: All right. Lynne: Listen, listen. This is a mistake. Eric: Settle down. Lynne: I don't know these people. Except John, with whom I serve. But he looks older. That's strange… and he's got a beard… Eric: I understand. Lynne: No, this is wrong! I'm not supposed to be... 5. 1993 Michael is standing up while the rest of his regiment is doing crunches. Michael: …here! SOLDIER 1: Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three... SERGEANT: Here? Here what? What the hell are you doing on your feet, Norman? Are you finished with your crunches, because you want to RUN?! Right! Squad, on your feet! Right face! Ten kilometers, go, go, go, go, go! *** Evening. The soldiers are loading a truck. John: What the hell's the matter with you, Mike? Michael: If I told you, you'd think I'm crazy. John: I already know you're crazy. They laugh. Michael: This morning, when I was in the yard doing crunches, I left. John: What do you mean, left? Michael: I was on the french beach. And then I was back here...right where I started. John: Mike, if you're trying to get tossed out of service... Michael: John, I'm telling you the truth, man. John: Who else was on this...beach? Anyone you recognized? Michael: Lynne. There was a photo. I was in the photo. John: Who's Lynne? Michael: My girlfriend. At least she was… Michael gets up and walks away. John: where are you going? Michael: To call Lynne. Michael walks over to a phone booth. As he steps up, a soldier comes out of the phone booth, bumping him and knocking the change out of his hand. SOLDIER 3: Thanks for this morning, Norman. Michael: I'm sorry, brother! SOLDIER 3: Yeah, whatever… The soldier walks toward John and starts helping him load the truck. Michael bends down to pick up the coins. 6 2007 Lynne almost falls over. Wes: Watch your step. Take it easy. Lynne: I'm not here. This...this isn't happening. Wes: You ARE here. And, this IS happening. Look, we're going to take care of you. They enter an SUV. Lynne: Who are you people? Wes: Well, my name is Wesley and this is Eric. I'm from Vegas and he's from Florida, but as for where we are, I… Eric: The last portal was Paris. So we know we're in France. *** John is on the beach. It’s hot. It reminds him of how he felt on his Solo Navigation Drill in the army, all those years back. John: What's happening to Lynne? Your friends know what's wrong with her. Harry: Well if they do, they're not sharing it with me. John: Then perhaps you'll share how we've flown for 20 minutes, took off at dusk and landed in the middle of the day! Harry: Listen. I don't know what's happening to your buddy, alright? But you gotta trust me when I tell you this. I AM trying to help you. John: You want to help me? Give me your Satellite Phone. Let me call my people. Harry: You give me that gun and I'll give you this phone. They trade. Harry: Be quick. And don't go trying to call The Arrow Paradox Command. Those phones can only call each other. John thinks: 'You sure about that?' but doesn't say anything. In his office, the one of a kind satellite phone rings. Professor Jensen answers. Arthur: Hello? John: Arthur, it's John. I'm on the french coast. Arthur: Are you okay? Where have you been? John: Something happened during the flight, and now Lynne's in the hospital. Arthur: Hold on. You're on speaker. John: On the helicopter, something happened to Lynne. She did recognized me but she was talking nonsense. The Traveler to The Professor: The side effects you talked about? Arthur, ignoring the traveler, spoke to the speaker: Your friend, Lynne? Was she recently been exposed to high levels of radiation or electromagnetism? Galethea looked up at The Traveler. Their eyes meet. John: As a matter a fact, yes. She was. She had an experimental eye surgery. Lasers or some such… Arthur: Okay, look. Uh, we don't know why exactly, but going to and coming from the The Channel Tunnel, some people can get a little... Forgetful. John: You mean Lynne's lost her memory? Arthur: No, it’s not Amnesia. We’re talking about a temporary lapse of memory. 7 1993 Michael is in the rain at the military camp, picking up his coins. Going into the phone booth, he inserts them and dials the number. Lynne: Hello? Michael: Lynne, it’s me. Lynne: What do you want, Michael? Michael: Uh, Lynne, listen. I'm in trouble, and I think something's happening to me. I'm confused and I want to see you. Lynne: You broke up with me and joined THE ARMY! Now you call with the expectation that I still care about you? Yeah, I’d say you ARE confused, Michael. Michael: No, no, I'm not. It's... look, I've got a weekend off starting this Thursday at 06:00. Can I...can I come and see you? Lynne: No. No, and don't bother showing up at the apartment, either, 'cause I moved. Michael: Moved? Where? Lynne: That doesn't matter. Michael, I'm going to hang up. Please, don't call me again. Flat Line. 8 2007 Lynne in in a hospital bed. Sedated. Another Complete Blank Space and time all fall behind Strange machines to soothe my mind Resting this sensory sleep keeps me confined Recalling a memory undefined Dr Ray Davis: Did you just experience something, Lynne? Before Lynne can answer him yes, John and Harry come in. Dr. Davis: What the hell, Harry? You're not supposed to be down here, and definitely not with him. Harry: Sorry, doc, but I've got Jensen calling from Oxford, he needs to talk to Lynne. Dr Davis: No, Jensen's not talking to my patient. Get out of here. John: She's not your patient! John slams the doctor to the nearest wall. Dr. Davis: Hey! John: Give Lynne the phone. Dr. Davis, knowing the hospital as well as his palm after 25 years of medical experience as The Head of Internal Brain Injury Department, quickly – not as quick as he was at his twenties, but quick enough – sounds the emergency alarm. John: Give her the phone now! Dr. Davis does so. Lynne takes the phone. John closes the door. Witnesses – 1. John Morrison 2. Harry Lombardi 3. Ray Davis In Room 117 of The Hôpital Saint-Antoine, the following conversation is taking place: Lynne: Hello? Professor Jensen: Lynne! Lynne, my name is Arthur Jensen. We met yesterday before you took off. But I'm guessing you don't remember that. Am I right? Lynne: You are. Took off? I really don't remember… what happened? We were in a car crash.. mike and me… is he okay? Arthur: Lynne, we don't have long to talk, so I need you to tell me what year you think it is. Lynne: What do you mean, what year do I think it…it's the morning of The New Millenium! January 1st, 2000. Or possibly January 2nd.. My head hurts like a bastard so I might have passed out for more than 24 hours. It can happen. I'm a Med Student. I know all about it. Is it Y2K? Silence. Arthur: Alright, Lynne, look. You got to tell me... where are you? Lynne: Um...I'm in some kind of hospital room. Arthur: No, no… Not right now, Lynne. Where are you supposed to be? Where are you in Dec 31st, 1999? Lynne: Uh. Sandringham Gardens, Norfolk, England. The Royal Queen’s Guard Training Facility. Maggie: Maybe we should… Arthur: No, no, no. I'm thinking, I'm thinking. Lynne, Listen. When it happens again, you'll be in 1993. Lynne, I need you to get on a train. Get on a train and go to Oxford. Oxford University, Physics Department. Alright? Lynne: What, why? What are you talking about, 1993? Arthur: Because I need you to find ME. You are time traveling, my dear. Lynne: No, Sir. That's not possible. The Arrow Paradox says so. Professor Arthur Jensen sighs and begins to search his office. The Galactic Traveler is there with him and Maggie, just like he was on that fateful day 14 years ago. Arthur: Where is it? Maggie: What? Arthur: The Glass Pyramid. I need the Pyramid or I won't believe her. Maggie: What are you talking about? What Pyramid? Arthur: It’s an experimental project I was working on for the last month. Maggie (Surprised): You never told ME about any new projects. Arthur: I’m sorry, honey. I was not at liberty to tell you. The Traveler interrupts: Why does she think she’s in 2000? Arthur: I don't know, I don't know. It's unpredictable, it's a random effect. Sometimes it takes hours, sometimes years. The Traveler: I know, it happened on that day in 1993, I remember. Arthur: Not only then. The Traveler: Wait, wait…WHAT?! What do you mean, not only then? Arthur: It happened TWICE before. Once in 1993 and on one other occasion. The Traveler: That's news to me. Why wasn't I told about this until now? Arthur: Now, my friend, is all there is. The Professor finds The Glass Pyramid. Arthur: [Into the phone] Lynne, you still there? John is blocking the door, behind which there is yelling. John: Talk to him! I can't hold them for long. Lynne [To Arthur, yelling]: Of course. Where else would I be? Arthur: Okay, Lynne, listen. When you find me at Oxford, I need you to tell me to set the device to 12.045 Lynne got up from the bed, took a pen and began to write on her left wrist. Lynne: 12.045 got it. Arthur: And that it must be oscillating at 885 Hertz. You got it, Lynne? Lynne: And oscillating at 885 Hz, yes. Arthur: One last thing, Lynne. If the numbers won’t convince me, I need you to tell me that you know about The Compass. 9 Thursday, October 7th, 1993. 7:30 AM Michael is on the train. On his way to his parents' house. The house he grew up in. London, England. Reflecting on his broken relationship with Lynne Daniels. What was I thinking. Of course she reacted like that on the phone. I haven’t been in ANY kind of contact for over 3 months. She lied, she hasn’t moved. I’ll bet money on that. But she asked you. Don’t call her again. It’s over, Mike. You know it is. Go home, take a shower, sleep, wake up tommorow and you know what? Go visit your brother at Oxford. After graduating high school and working at a Textile Factory for 3 years, Michael chose, unexpectedly, a military career. Why? Because of Lynne’s father, Anthony. A wealthy man. The kind of man HIS father never was and the kind of man, he, Michael, wanted to be. So in order to prove himself worthy of Mr. Daniels’ daughter, he joined The Queen’s Guard. His one and only meeting with Mr. Daniels was 4 months ago. On his 21st birthday, as it happened. He remembered that meeting as if it happened five minutes ago and he will never forget it. May 28th, 1993 12:05 PM Mr. Anthony Daniels: Lynne didn't tell me you are a factory worker, Michael. Hard work, If I could say so myself. Impressive. Micheal Norman: Thank you, Sir. Mr. Daniels: What about academy? Thinking of applying for University? Michael: I am not a man of means, Sir. I hope to be, one day. University costs a lot now days. I had to look after my 2 sisters after my father came into financial straits. Mr. Daniels: Any military experience? Michael: No, sir. Noticing a work of art on the wall, A Ship in the Ocean, Michael said: "She's beautiful, Mr. Daniels" Mr Daniels looked directly at Michael's green eyes. Michael: Your ship, I mean. Mr. Daniels smiled. So did Michael. Mr. Daniels: Thank you kindly, Michael. Call me Anthony. I'm going to see to it that you have a position in our administrative department. Not the most glamorous duty but it's a start. I'll speak to human resources. Michael: With all due respect, Anthony, I haven't come here to interview for a position in your company. Anthony: You haven't? Michael: No, Sir. I came here to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. We've been together for 2 years. Lynne's moving in. I love her very much. Your permission would mean the world to me. Anthony: A very noble gesture. Anthony went for the liquor cabinet and pulled a bottle of XO Cognac and two glasses. Anthony: This is Anderson Cognac. Named after Sir David Anderson, an esteemed General from the Royal Navy. He retired with more medals than any man, before or since. He moved to the Scottish Highlands to see out his remaining years. General Anderson is a great man, Mike. This is his crowning achievement. Anthony poured some into Michael's glass and then a similar amount into his own. Anthony: Cheers. Michael: This swallow is worth more than my father made in one MONTH in his prime. To share it with you, Sir, is an honour. Friday, October 8th, 1993 2:33 PM He walks down a hall, and sees an elderly man talking to a young individual. He assumes he just witnessed an academy faculty professor having a conversation with one of his students. Neither he, nor any of his immidiate family ever were on a college campus, let alone university up until 2 years ago, when his younger brother, Liam, was accepted to Law School at Oxford University. Professor Arthur Jensen: ...not a single piece of original thinking. You DO understand the concept of original, Matthew, don't you? the opposite of repetitive? Now I'm the one you need to impress, Mr. Hollister, and I'm not impressed. So go. Go try again. Matthew Hollister: Yes, Professor Jensen. I'll try it on my next experiment. Professor Arthur Jensen: You do that. Matthew took his papers with him, put them in his bag and went toward the dormitories. Professor Jensen shook his head and was about to head the other way, when another student - in his opinion - asked him a question. Michael: Um, sorry. Are you a professor? Arthur: Professor Arthur Jensen, Physics Department. And you are...? SHOCKING TRUTH CLIMATE CHANGE FLOODS AND FIRES HURRICANES Silence from the student. Great, Arthur thought, now I need to breathe whatever this young fellow is smoking. Don't they have regulations around here? It's Oxford, for heaven's sake. Michael: Um...sorry, I'm Michael Norman, and um...I was told I could find you here. I think I've ... just been.. to… umm… The Future. Michael green eyes met Arthur's brown ones. Arthur: ...The Future? Michael: Yes. Uh, I spoke to you there, you told me to come here, to Oxford, to find you. Arthur: Why didn't I just help you there, in the future? Michael: I'm sorry? Arthur: Why would I put you through the headache of time travel? You know what I mean, it just seems a little... unnecessary? Don't you think? And don't you think that my colleagues could have come up with something just a little more believable, huh? What kind of a prank is that? Mostly to himself, Arthur said: "Paradox. So uninspiring" Michael: Set your device to um... 12.045 and make sure it oscillates at 885 Hertz. Arthur: Okay, now you, you're going to tell me who told you those numbers. Michael: You did. Arthur: No, this is — this is ridiculous. Michael: I know about The Compass. *** Arthur takes Michael into his laboratory. Michael: where are we? Arthur: This is where I conduct my experiments. Alright, this, this future version of me... uh, he referenced this meeting, right? Obviously, so, so I would remember you coming to Oxford, right? I would remember this, here, right now. Michael: I guess… Arthur, again, to himself: Of course I would. Michael: So this, this is changing the future? Arthur: You can't change the future because it hasn’t happened yet. Arthur puts on some kind of protective suit. Much like the Atomic/Chemical/Biological Unit, Michael has trained with at the base. Michael: What's that for? Arthur: Radiation. Michael: Do I get one? Arthur: You don't need one. It’s for prolonged exposure; I do this 20 times a day. Arthur flicks some switches and then reaches over, taking out a 3 by 3 foot piece of glass. It looked nice, Michael thought. Arthur: And this… is The Glass Pyramid. Michael: What does it do? Arthur: This, if the numbers you gave me are correct, will Astral Project your consciousness through the Space Time Continuum. Arthur presses a button. 9\11\01 SUICIDE PLANES TOWERS CRUMBLE HEROES DIE Michael: What just happened? Arthur: Nothing. Michael: What? Arthur: The pyramid, for some reason, didn't work. End of Part I

Yes your philosophy teachers response is timely. Meaning and meaningless are two sides of the same coin. You cannot have meaning without meaningless, this is what frames the opposite to exist. Yes for sure. That’s why I responded. I’ve been through this multiple times the most memorable being 3-4 years ago when I began to question everything to the point I saw no reason to do anything. I realised that even suicide is meaningless. But moving beyond this stage, I saw that recognising the absence of meaningfulness meant all things can be valued. I saw that I prescribed myself suffering attempting to manipulate reality to fulfil all the needs that would align to my conception of meaning. I could see meaning is a fabricated reality. When I let go of this, I saw the value of life and that there’s is no point and no meaning for that matter. Paradoxically, this becomes the most meaningful thing you could ever imagine. I fail to get bogged down in nihilistic thinking much at all these days. That’s the power of moving through these stages previously.

@Nahm "You got me in the feels, but then rained on our parade with “my subconscious”. " XDD "if there is said to be something which one is not conscious of, such as a ‘subconscious’, notice one is saying one is conscious of, this so called ‘subconscious’, and therefore the subconscious is not sub -conscious at all. Instead, inspect what it is you are aware of. " I like the way you write XXDD it makes me laugh. Yeah, I don't know why I said Subconscious for because I'm actually aware of myself because I used to consistently figure myself out every day 2 years ago and always watched actualized.org. I devoted my time to this CULT LEADER XDD. I'm aware of my attachments yet I don't try to resolve then because I'm scared of judgement from my family. I never told them my problems even though I don't need to because I can resolve them alone. The only thing I'm not aware of is politics XDDDD because i never gotten education yayayay. (“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it”. - Rumi “I’m too afraid” is a thought. How does that thought feel? “Ill procrastinate” is a thought. How does that thought feel? ”waste my time on unproductive low conscious things” is a judgement, a thought. How does that thought feel?) It feels good because of the productivity I accomplished in one hour but then after my dopamine hit is gone, I feel like shit and don't even want to return back to what I digressed from because I lost that excitement of learning English. I usually rot on quora or looksmaxing websites and it's unproductive and it just compounds my mental health more yayayay I'm always counterproductive ayayayay. 'If you allow yourself to see this, it is absolute that you feel the goodness that you are. There is no other possibility. Not in a past, or a present, or a future... there is no other possibility... because you are feeling, right now. You can not change this. You are free however, to focus on, or not focus on, to believe, or not believe, that which does not resonate with the goodness that you are, which can never come, and can never go, but just, is. " Yeah, I understand the goodness in me still. I don't care much about my past anymore after I consciously don't care anymore(I don't know if that makes sense tbh) The only thing I'm feeling now is perpetual anxiety and occasional depression due to the blackpill. You can stop at boredom, many do. But you are free not to, and expression is the way. Start at boredom, admit & acknowledge for yourself only, for your own well being only, that any and all conditions which you hold upon this moment as it is, are only thoughts, and focus can be shifted to seeing, hearing, breathing and feeling... and you are at peace, content, with this moment exactly as it is. It need not be different. It need not change. Question: Do you think it's counterproductive if you always think about the present because I think that's what low IQ people tend to do because they lack critical thinking skills like me which leads to being unprepared in life yayaya. That's very hard to do when your bored. I'm aware of my thoughts most of the time and let it be there because if I combat it, it'll just be insidious and make it worst. Whenever i'm bored, I usually go on YNC.com and watch gruesome videos just to use as an incentive to make me feel how lucky I am to not be born in third world countries. But that doesn't work now and it's just counter productive and insidious. Now I just use it as entertainment when ever i'm bored. "Paradoxically, when this moment is perfect as it is and you do not impress upon it your conditions, that it must change or be different, or contain any thing, substance, or experience... you indeed begin to feel quite hopeful and inspired. You feel the true unconditional nature of the love, the creator you are, and again, paradoxically, knowing you can let go, that you can put your conditions down and feel contentment, you begin to realize you can do so anytime you choose to.' "when this moment is perfect as it is and you do not impress upon it your conditions" Never heard of this technique. The only perfect moments I have is when I learn something new from English as of now because I'm learning on my own which gives me a good dopamine hit and knowing that I don't need teachers to help me yayaya. I'll try and not be impress of what I accomplish but instead let it be ayayay. "You can create, be & experience what you truly desire to. When & if life gets hard, you do not ‘freak out’, because you know the way from boredom to contentment is letting go of conditions held, and you can employ this knowing, expressing, and letting go anytime. When you say ‘it is this way’, ‘it is so & so’... it be’s this way, it be’s so and so. So too, when you say ‘mountain move’, the mountain will move. It will move out of your way. " Wow, I can understand what you're saying and I can see that happening If I pursue this again maybe. the only thing i'm afraid of is my anxiety because it hinders me greatly but I know the source of it. Boredom is the 2nd worst thing to feel and adding on my depression which makes me suicide thoughts but those are rare. Question: Do you think nootropics are good?

The problem is this just more stories of the you who is depressed..e.tc you are not going to do it. And instead you will keep suffering. Instead try closing your eyes, focus on your breath and surrender your life. That's the only true "suicide" worth to do.

My first suicide attempt was because a Scorpio got violent with me. Scorpio can get dark and fearsome like a shark with blood dripping from it's mouth. They can get very intense and psycho when they are dark Its like don't cross a Libra but absolutely never Cross a Scorpio. Scorpio admires the softness and gentleness of an affectionate Pisces. They want more of it.

I don't know. Sure God has to exist but it surely didn't have to create me the way I am. It has, this much is clear. I have a suicide fantasy where I would be given the things I want in the after life. I would love to break free, let my passion and creativity flow like it was a year ago.... But, that seems too dangerous. I can't trust anyone, they might try to sabatage or hurt my success. After losing my last job and my business, and girlfriend all at once... I know that reality doesn't care about me. I can't get my head around why I would incarnate into this life? If I am so powerful, I would just create a good life that was good. Not this. The thing is, I have seen that the fabric of what I am is totally loving, and completely creative and powerful. But, that doesn't seem to break me free of my karma or my physical incarnation. I still have fears of the future, guilts about the past and reality might totally fuck me over and why shouldn't it? It doesn't seem to care about the homeless people in my province. I feel existentially trapped and I don't know why God would do this. I doubt my ability to be successful because I am afraid of a lot of things. Past mistakes, etc. I don't know if I can really deserve love. I want to be pure, and respected by others. But, I don't know if that is possible seeing I have been so foolish in the past. I will continue to put in the work. But, I fear it will be taken away some how.

Daniel Carcillo, a former NHL player (he was an enforcer, aka fighter/big hitter) who suffered severe brain damage during his career. He developed debilitating symptoms from continuous concussions sustained by his 'tough' brand of hockey. He contemplated and planned his own suicide before he tried a "hero's dose" of psilocybin (4 grams). After two weeks, he no longer fit the criteria for clinical depression and eliminated many symptoms from his injuries. He founded the psychedelics company Wesana Health and is working to spread awareness and help cure patients with TBI's (traumatic brain injuries) and other forms of head trauma. Here is the article: https://www.fastcompany.com/90634350/wesana-health-daniel-carcillo-psychedelics-startup-tbi-brain-trauma

Officially diagnosed with Bipolar type II in 2009 after a suicide attempt. My biological mother (she only had visitation) had Bipolar type I. I take my meds, have follow-ups with my pdoc regularly and I am a very compliant patient. I haven't had any type of major crisis from Bipolar for many years. I got involved with spirituality (started with Eckhart Tolle) within 6 months of my attempt in 2009. Edit: Also, I wish ppl here on this forum with Bipolar or schizophrenia would stop asking members of this forum for advice related to their illness. I usually cringe when reading it. It's usually very poor advice and medically dangerous!

@SgtPepper I’m guilty of this but it still needs to be talked about that psychedelics shouldn’t just be recommended to random people on YouTube or forum. It could really ruin someone’s life permanently or lead to suicide.

@TheDao I wasn't talking about 3rd way of feminism, I was talking about feminism in 3rd world countries. In US and EU the gender gap is far less than in most countries (most countries are poor by the way if you did not know). If you look at how serious that is, you might actually start sympathizing. I am not denying men's issues, they directly affect me. But like the word feminism is so broad, there will be feminists who body shame men, who belittle suicide and shit, and those are not feminists imo, they don't understand equality. But like also understand that just like so many men hate women because "they have been rejected", so many women hate men (they also generalize), because they raped them. And of course women rape and women rape men! The number is much less, but like sure, the statistics do not justify the individual cases, right, it is subjective trauma and damage still, even if it is less common. But like from the POV of somebody who is traumatized by men, it is very hard to open up to something like men's rights advocates. Just like it it super hard for you to understand some ways in which feminism manifests.

Not even an experience, but a being. If in enlightenment there is any notion of having gained anything, there’s still further, but who wants cosmic suicide? ?

That mens are big victims of relational violence as well men shelters (were none at the of film, zero!) men do way badder in education nowadays than in the past, Boys fall behind in all developed nations than girls men are the ones dieing in war, men are the ones dying at work/as soldiers , mens commit 4 times more suicide rights of divorced parents are not equal for men which leads to a lot of sad stories. men are called the baddies(pathriachy) and we named good (feminism) Men are more stuck in their role. Earn money or be a loser. And there is more.

For me the best thing for becoming more feminist was to read more feminist, non-western books and travel to India. Perhaps you are triggered by entitled privileged white women who get angry at you when you pay for their food, because they start thinking you are denying their financial independence by doing that. That can be incredibly annoying, especially if you would personally enjoy people to pay for your food, so you do it for them, but they blame you. By reading some non-western feminist books, fiction and non-fiction, (does not really matter, since you can deduce the global issues from the plot of the fiction as well as the non-fiction) you introduce yourself to the environment where the gender inequality is much more serious, for example the Middle East, India, Africa etc... You might realize then how serious the gender issues are, how much worse off a woman is in India, or Africa or the Middle East than the average guy, how more dangerous it is to be a woman, how you cannot even go out etc... And after that you might become more sensitive and understanding of why feminism exists. The gender issues might not be as easily visible in Europe or North America, but they are fucking real. The second thing was travel, which is kind of irrelevant now, but it was also a very strong stimulus. When I was travelling by a cab in Mumbai with a friend, it was nighttime and I saw this huge slum on my left and all these suspicious people walking around, like I was so fucking scared, even though I was a guy and I was inside a car. Mumbai is probably one of the most dangerous places on Earth to be a woman, New Delhi is the most dangerous one, it is called the "rape capital" by some people. That just got me to realize how lucky I am to be a guy and to not be a part of that huge rape statistic. But hey, guys also get raped, guys also are treated unequally, they commit suicide more often than girls do, (even though girls have more failed attempts than guys) there are so many unhealthy societal expectations imposed on guys, their self-worth is often defined by how much sex they have and nothing else etc... There are so many problems. Plus gender is a social construct and this binary division is problematic and offensive. If you resonate with this, look at one of the definition of feminism: "the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes." Equality of the sexes, you see, not supremacy of one or more. It is called feminism, because it advocates for the female perspective which guys sometimes don't understand in terms of gender equality. I assume there is something that advocates for the male perspective too that females don't get and also LGBTQI+ which advocates for the queer perspective which straight people often don't get. Feminism is not there to smash patriarchy and kill guys and cut off their penises. People who think that are not feminists, they are just committing misandry, and that is not nice. (but you must sometimes understand that that is the female version of incel and you might have been an incel yourself in the past so there is that...) Anybody who is a feminist is also a humanist. <3

@EntheogenTruthSeeker @EntheogenTruthSeeker @Leo Gura you mentioned in the interview that some sages just stop caring about survival and then they die? What does that even mean? Do they commit suicide? Or starve themsleves to death? And why would they do that? And why you are not doing it, lol?

This super scheptical/scientific/non-bias attitude that Leo is proposing in the interview doesn't make sense since it would lead you to nihilism because chosing survival over non-survival is a bias, why would we consider survival good? Isn't it an assumption society is taken for granted and need to be questioned? Why don't just suicide? This hiperational attitude doesn't make sense. There's profound knowledge in the common sense. Also, he assumes that there are narratives (as the big bang scientific narrative) that models our understanding our reality, which is ver doubtful. Again, he is incurring in a hyperrationalism, where the ideas -scientific narrative here- frame our regular understanding of reality.

Forty Days And Forty Nights At Home The word quarantine derives from the Venetian language, and was used to designate the period of 40 days in which ship and crew were not allowed on shore during the Black Death. For obvious reasons it's a word being used a lot at the moment. I find it difficult to understand how being in a kind of quasi-quarantine (i.e. lockdown) has affected me in the last year. Before the outbreak I lived by myself and have done for many years. I largely became accustomed to this way of living and I've always been good at distracting myself with one thing or another. My mental health had been bad for a number years, but I don't particularly put it down to living by myself and feeling isolated. I was seeing people every day at work, and most weekends were taken with visiting someone or other. What the lockdown did was to restrict some of that physical interaction with people. I stopped going into work, and have been mostly indoors during the day. To be honest, workwise, I was initially elated that I didn't have the rigmarole of having to prepare for work every day, and that all the distractions of being in an open-plan office were immediately gone. Intermittently, I have worked for myself over the years in any case, so I was quite self motivated and productive. Naturally, it removed that immediate chit chat and talking about ourselves that happens in an office. I can't see that mentally this caused me a problem, at first. What hit me harder, was that I couldn't go anywhere at weekends. I felt that was a very definite curtailment of my freedom, and one of the things I would look forward to in the week. Although, it's not that they were planned in any case, and very often I would do solo activites, such as take a walk in the countryside. To be honest, I already felt as though during the week simply being a wage slave was a kind of lockdown and restriction on my freedom. Instead, what took over on weekends was working on my own little projects (mostly programming), or just a huge amount of surfing and sucking in information, as I'd always done. The pandemic lockdown has been an odd sort of prison. Certainly in the past few months my work productivity has suffered. My mum suddenly passed away at the beginning of the year, and having to deal even with just the practicalities of that has shifted something inside me. I have felt emotionally steady around the whole thing, and I put that down to a combination of age and just plain old work I've done on myself over the years. It's not even that I'm purposefully trying to suppress my emotions, what comes out, comes out. My mum suffered a fair amout in her life and she was just never able to do much about it, and that's always eaten into me all my life. A part of me feels a great relief on her behalf. I do have this underlying sensation of the end of a chapter in life, and this in combination with the pandemic has unsettled me. I have this strong compulsion just to drift and not try so hard with anything in particular; I think the expression for it languishing. Some of my most pleasant times have been spent in a kind of reverie: the long afternoon in a pub hobnobbing with friends, or sitting on a beach or in a pool just enjoying the scenery and sunshine, or playing a silly game of hide and seek with friends' kids. Those times just feel like time has frozen and the rest of the world's maladies just don't exist. I think the lockdown has made me desperate for that way of being. Or maybe it's just some expression of grief I'm experiencing, I simply can't work it out. My work productivity is suffering, and all I want to do is quit and do something completely different. It's one thing listening to my intuition and having a compulsion to push myself out of equilibrium, but it's another actually doing it. One thing I learnt from the bad state of my mental health all those years ago, was that if I was going to commit suicide, thinking about it was actually pointless: either I did it, or I didn't. The light bulb eventually turned on, and I realised that all that ideation was telling me that I didn't want to off myself, I was simply trying to scare myself into action, because I wanted to stop suffering. All my Restructuring series of posts, was really just my outward expression of the constant inner turmoil I go through in trying to get myself to act. I was never really taught or given a role model on how I should go about leading life. I've never had any strong compulsion in any particular direction, I'm more happy thinking than doing, and I want to think my thoughts and not what anyone else expects me to think. Everything I do, I do out of necessity. But I so wish that I could flip that around, so I would be naturally compelled to advance myself not from a place of necessity, but a place of excitement and possibility. I just know that life would be so much more worth living then. But that feeling of not being quite associated with the norms of society and not quite fitting in is so entrenched that my unwillingness to budge outside the @LastThursday protective bubble is high. Anything I do risks exposing me to the real world and it's unpleasantness, and I know deep down that things will have to become more uncomfortable before they become better. The beginning of the next chapter is about exposing myself and reconnecting with the world more and learning to be a man - sheesh that sounds ridiculous. And simply just building up to the exciting possibilities ahead. That will pull me along. I thank God the Covid chapter is also very slowly ending here too.

Is it possible to live alone on an island or a planet without any human interaction whatsoever and be happy, fulfilled and attain enlightenment? I know a lot of legendary Yogis basically did something like this by living most of their lives in some caves, although they still met some people from time to time. Personally for me, even though I am an introvert and spend extremely little time with other people, I've not been able to transcend the need to exchange ideas with other people or to have friends. I am not saying that this is a goal of mine, but I am wondering if one was born on an island or if they were the first person on a new planet if they would be able to do it. Buddha purportedly commented (Sambodhi Sutta), “If wanderers who are members of other sects should ask you, ‘What are the prerequisites for the development of the wings to self-awakening?’ you should answer, that admirable friends, admirable companions, admirable comrades, is the first prerequisite for the development of the wings to self-awakening.” I know most people can't handle this psychologically and commit suicide or go mad, but some seem to be okay, like the people living in isolation in the forest with the bears or Henry Thoreau who became truth realized while living alone in a cabin in the woods. What's the trick here?

Right on. Being below a 23 year old girl constantly laughing/having sex above me, whom rejected me cruelly and treated me like endless shite. Yeah, I get it. I don't have a problem with suicide. Up to everyone. Can't protect against all stuff. Freedom to be or not to be. Anything else is pretentious moralism like you said in your post. Life is absurd below the surface. A thin veneer keeping perception from shifting here. No answer. Unresolvable. Unfair. Cruel. Never gets better potentially. Tormented in our own ways. And only death/ultimate reality shifting eventually holds any hope. While stressed/strained with an unjust corrupt system. Laughed and tormented. And then no guaranteed redemption or reimbursement. Yeah, I just feel so cursed. Endless misery. Agony living in context like this

Yeah, I feel I'm in similar boat. 30 and never been with one woman/girl my age. Just one 50 year that was pretty despicable to even engage in that falsity. I feel too unpristine for these girls. It's one of the most dire issues in my life, leading to me attempting suicide multiple times/drug use. I have no idea where to find these relatable girls. Having to chronically live next to a 23 year old that instantly rejected me. I don't know that I'll ever get one. And I'm approaching middle age. Not sure whether to eternally let it go/ever hanging out with anyone in person. I feel bittered by past treatment of attempts to get one, them being ridiculous in cruel misunderstanding and non-giving-the-slightest-care. If I find them attractive it's as if they'll never go for someone that isn't run-of-the-mill like me. So automatically disregarded, plus my damaged history in terms of self-infliction upon myself. Then even if there's some alternative/hippie girl I find, probably a line of men to prove myself to her/fight off basically. Cause only men drool/fawn over women, evident by online likes and comments. And women/girls are never going to fawn/drool over any men realistically, effectively. Just a sick traumatic situation, beyond words. Sure it's not like being kidnapped and burned/cut alive. But barring that, it's one of the most heartaching subjects that seems impossible to resolve or cross the great barrier. Like girls are all mirages. Heaven denied. And never a drop of sympathy from their side seeming while I undergo this. Because for them, men fawn. They don't have to strain and ache and be agonized to contend trying to get the opposite gender's attention In vain. People always offer offensive insensitive commentary to messages like this, underblowing the difficulty factor and mocking. As if only an old/overweight/unattractive woman has to be my reality, and already had that happen so I'm just going to call it off permanently if I fail by 40. If still trying at 40 might as well give it up eternally, just mocking my heart/life value then

@Topann I was extremely depressed when I was 23/24 yo. If you don't commit suicide, it will improve with time. You can dull yourself with antidepressants to at least suffer a bit less as you are waiting. Mental illness is like a lens, you have an anhedonic lens right now and every information and stimulus is seen through that lens so I know you can't help it but this lens is temporary. It may be hard for you to get that drug but here is one that works in a completely new way for anhedonic based depression https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/lz95yo/researchers_have_identified_a_drug_that_works/

One important difference between suicide and murder is the pain, fear, suffering and frankly death that you experience when you suicide and not when you murder.

I'm sorry to hear that. Losing family or friends to suicide sucks. I hope you and your family find healthy ways to cope with this tragedy.

I’ve been ‘there’ too. Rough as hell. I feel for ya. Chat with me today. Got nothing to lose. ?https://www.actualityofbeing.com/sessions-donations. If it’s presently unaffordable, there’s no charge, no problem. Talk with uniquely trained experts who also actually really do care... http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international-suicide-hotlines.html https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html There is a ‘bounce’. It can and will get better. The greatest, most fulfilling worthwhile lives are almost always preceded with a ‘bottoming out’ such as this. It can transmute to an amazing and beautiful liberation. 24 imo is very specifically the roughest age. You are loved my friend, and there is much love with you, for you and within you. It indeed feels ‘off’ to deny what is. Indeed, there is another way.

Not even sure what is "responsible" or not to tell people that are in these kind of states. Nevertheless, you are deluding yourself if you think you can kill yourself. Suicide is kinda pointless, because there is no such thing as the "real death" that you speak of. The truth is that you are stubborn and stuck in some thinking patterns/beliefs that create such an emotional response and reflected/projected circumstances that it makes life SEEM not worth living. And you could just change those beliefs and you could see the beauty of life. But if you're too lazy, or if the inertia of your patterns is too big then i guess no one can stop you from doing what you're gonna do. And that's fine. The world will go on fine without you. But contemplate this: the process through which you are trying to decide whether or not to kill your body is through thoughts/language - which is one of the body's survival mechanisms. So it's basically just a technical problem of the body, where one of it's survival strategies has gone rogue and turned against itself, kinda like an autoimune disease. Ofc it's super complex and whatnot, but basically that's how i currently would put it in a nutshell.