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That something can at all be for nothingness never to become as a rational realization followed by the human desire for reducible singular substance in finite causality such for nothingness to be eternal prior to it, this however, is the absurdity of life. To never accept the above due to the constant proclivity of intuition and the identities of imagination which follows, that a synthetic answer for why there is something rather than nothing is impossible, to not accept this such as in the state I find myself over and over, that is, if anything, the actual "absurd". If Camus truly meant this, which I have a faint feeling he might've then he did not write the books he should've.

I'm also planning to change my name. This kind of journaling helps me because it's like tweeting. This helps me in keeping it together and not letting myself get lost in thoughts or other work. I know exactly what I'm doing.. I am going to use this journal for mini updates. Little things and reminders. Things will get better, I promise to myself. Focus on yourself and fuck that shit. Whatever the universe does it does it for good The only thing I hate is that I can't keep editing. I wish I could just sink into nothingness. But then there is always this needy me, the need for getting love and acceptance in any community is pretty strong for me, especially since the constant feeling of abandonment and neglect I experienced as a child. But whatever. I will think that the mountains are accepting me. Done deal. Nature can give more where humanity fails. And I'm such a strong soul. Do I ever give up? If I ever became a mother, my child will never feel unloved or abandoned, not the way I was raised, nope, I will shower my child with utmost care and love unconditionally, be the mama bear mother, my spirit will stay with by loved ones even if my body doesn't.. There is an innate quality to the spirit that nobody can rob.. I have come so far out of so much negativity thrown at me as a child, I conquered everything, whenever my mother thought that I was a nobody, I showed I was somebody. No child has to feel abandoned, lonely and unloved or undeserving by the mother. That's the worst way to raise a child.. My mother had already decided that I was the unwanted child. But I wasn't gonna give up. I have been fiercely loyal to all those I care about, to all those I love. Often times to my own detriment, because they would betray me. Later it would hurt like a stab. Imagine helping a person so much only for that person to call you a bitch and walk away completely abandoning you. Realizing that you did so much to help someone and they turn out to be grateful. And leave you when you need them. You get reminded of how shitty humanity is. I AM A LONEWOLF... I HAVE always known this. I was always a LONEWOLF. I used to sit alone on a bench.. I fucking did everything on my own. Not one help. Every little thing on my own. I fought for myself like a lion when everyone went against me. I proved them wrong when they decided things for me. My entire life was up until now a fight... A fight to live in a cutthroat world.... A fight against my own family. A fight to prove that I'm worth it. Nothing was ever served to me. I earned every single feather. Sometimes I feel like the only person who stood for me was me. I used to write a diary even as a child. I remember when I was 16, my diary entry was somewhat like "Who will be there for me across that bridge?" who will be there for me all along? I think I could sense betrayal even as a 16 year old. I knew at the back of my mind that my life was always going to be lonely, even if I had people around me, they would only be a facade, they will love me but it will be fake, that the person who will truly be around me when I need someone will only be me. I used to get creepy vibes knowing this but I also knew that this was the truth.

The Egg By: Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me. And that’s when you met me. “What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?” “You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words. “There was a… a truck and it was skidding…” “Yup,” I said. “I… I died?” “Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said. You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?” “More or less,” I said. “Are you god?” You asked. “Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.” “My kids… my wife,” you said. “What about them?” “Will they be all right?” “That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.” You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty. “Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.” “Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?” “Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.” “Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,” “All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.” You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?” “Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.” “So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.” “Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.” I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had. “You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.” “How many times have I been reincarnated, then?” “Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.” “Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?” “Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.” “Where you come from?” You said. “Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.” “Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.” “Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.” “So what’s the point of it all?” “Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?” “Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted. I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.” “You mean mankind? You want us to mature?” “No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.” “Just me? What about everyone else?” “There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.” You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…” “All you. Different incarnations of you.” “Wait. I’m everyone!?” “Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back. “I’m every human being who ever lived?” “Or who will ever live, yes.” “I’m Abraham Lincoln?” “And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added. “I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled. “And you’re the millions he killed.” “I’m Jesus?” “And you’re everyone who followed him.” You fell silent. “Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.” You thought for a long time. “Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?” “Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.” “Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?” “No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.” “So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…” “An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.” And I sent you on your way.

I finished it and what I thought was, usually I try to imagine showing the episode to a hardcore Dawkins type, as preaching to the choir is redundant I think? I think I would have gone deeper into the yarn thing. I don't think people will be convinced from hearing "X is a figment of consciousness". I think there are probably ways to expand on that... Usually if I talk to people like that, you can show their idea has the same infinite regress issue of "where did God come from?" seen in Christianity etc... I.e. they dig down and down thinking that eventually they will find the most basest of substance....... And when they can't dig any deeper and the substance is irreducible, there will always still be "where did that come from?" or "what is that made from?"... The equality of consciousness and total nothingness was mentioned. I think that could be expanded further also... The fact of reality is that everything is like how a ghost passes through walls but forever in every direction. Never anything solid ever, no solid substance is ever reached... Emptiness is quite easy to showcase I think, if people imagine losing all their senses, what is left. And if they say ofc like "just black", black is a color, it's sight, still a thing. You have to remove that... Anyway... Lastly the telepathy talk. Not for me, I do think that is delusional. Not because it can't happen, but because it isn't going to happen here. As soon as you are a human figure on Earth you are a character in the dream and the dream's constraints apply. One of those being that as a human figure in this universe you can't suddenly fly around or read minds. These feats will never be demonstrated by any human in this universe... You can imagine it happening and in many ways that is the same, if you're schizo and totally believe you are flying around the sky when you're actually in a straitjacket in a padded cell... That is real too. But it isn't real in these confines that we are in as what is considered to be sane humans

Nihilism then, for it to be true in its ultimate and only meaningful form requires plurality to be equally ultimately divided, which is a funny way to conclude with how materialism leads to nihilism. If consciousness is believed to be emergent out of mere parts then reason will from there necessarily lead to nihilism, that nothingness as the disappearance of emergence is its necessary conclusion, to say that something in accordance to it must remain when itself disappears. The problem is that the parts out of which consciousness is allegedly emergent of are undivided magnitudes in consciousness, consciousness in 'being at all' or 'being in the first place' proves its eternity/infinity, for any negation of the proposition that consciousness emerges predicates it.

Nothingness is an empty representation of what may be divided in 'something'. Every 'something' is itself indivisible. There are at all anything plural. Plurality is only of unity. Therefore growth, as a means for plurality as multiplicity (or just multiplicity) is inherent to every 'something', this is an actual equation for god, it can be better stated. Multiplicity inheres to whatever is undivided and actual, as its potential. Nothingness then is merely our capacity to identify the nature of multiplicity without also rendering anything particular by means of this capacity, and itself ultimately indivisible. Everything is also always an empty representation of itself, some moment may contain both a non-empty particular and a empty universal representation, or it may contain a non empty particular representation of something subsistent to itself as memory, which by being itself indivisible yet plural implies at that time universal emptiness or what we may represent now as nothingness. What is here referred to differs to what is said conceptually, you do not have to fabricate some thought to get it, you are merely aware of how nothingness by being indivisible is never what is typically referred to as nothing but itself substantial. This is mostly an exposition of why many mystics says that experience is actually just nothing, and how the typical idea of nothingness as some possible opposition to 'being' is meaningless, not meaningless in that it can not produce meaning, but meaningless in that this representation does not mean what it is alleged to mean, in reality it means "anything to no exclusion" or "everything in unity". Thought presuppose/necessitates distinction, nothingness has no distinction and opposition hinges on distinction, therefore the idea of opposition as the predicate for nothing is absurd, which also means that nothingness as a synthetic judgement is absurd. Nothingness then has plurality without distinction, it can thus be justified as that out of which intuition of cognition is made phenomenally, which of course means that it is not made phenomenally, which then implies that something has made yout intuitions that is independent of you, if they are made at all. This something which has made your intuitions (if they are at all made) I conclude with necessarily having to constitute cosmological/ontological/absolute/existential growth, going back to the equation of god. If however they (intuitions) are not made at all then the original premises of the first paragraph must necessarily be false.

Shark update #3: I’m screaming my lungs out I feel like tornados that pulled me into the deep blue are being set free into the chaos of civilisations emotional black hole of nothingness “Where all emotional debris go to die and live as ghosts to get the next person” How do I protect the next person from having to go through what I went through and that I’m now finally breaking myself free from? This inception of infinity bound by insane blindness of truthful certainty How can I collide with anything but the grace of a storm, a storm that thunders raindrops of truth on the shadows that crept over my insides and turned me over body ten ft already in the ground while my ghost lived my life observing myself live out my experiences? This feels like destiny, a fete of intersecting paths to align shadows of chaos with the chaos that frees while separating me from the trees of halloween and having me fall finally from the tree of life and land in the hand of the being of creativity This has been my magnum opus for some years now, too mental though, like a stray dog paranoid about new owners trying to make the world on his own, god finally listens while releasing him from his tormentors and unites him with the truth of his expression, just as life wants to do it My lungs… have fallen out and now my heart no longer needs them shadows of Grey Hairs, mum… dad… goodbye and hello… life… this is my emotional life now knocking on your door.. Entering the kingdom of heaven called life… through wisdom of love and a love of wisdom…

The universe is knowable. Completely. Theories and concepts are smaller than the universe. There will never be a theory encompassing the whole Existence, except if you would call the whole Existence a "theory." Best toe I know: Reality is One Infinite Singularity that is fundamenally identical to nothingness. Nothingness has no limits and is therefore infinite. This nothingness / infinity is one unified thing and can only create the illusion of separation but never be actually seperated. It creates this illusion because through this illusion many beautiful experiences become possible, like sharing love with an "other."

One experience shows me that my body sensations are made out of literally nothing and I am that nothing. Or: truth = nothingness = form Another experience shows me that my body is love/beuty. I can zoom into that sensation forever and its love and beuty. Where I now feel my shoulder, in higher states I feel love. Or: Truth = love = form But nothingness is not equal to love, because in nothingness I didnt feel any love. Love is formless, but it is not nothingness, its something - love! I don't get it. Where is my blindspot? Looking for help. Thanks.

What do you think a soul is? If you try to find a thing inside of you anywhere, that you can call your soul, you never will. You can only be it, never find it. Because what you are is essentially literally nothing at all, and it's kinda easy to show... And if you think a soul is "your" consciousness then it's topsy turvy, because you have never had consciousness, nothing and nobody has. It's the literal nothingness you are inside. You are in it. There is nothing in you.

Hallucinations, probably. You can't actually be an eternal being if you have a beginning. So if you are born at a certain point in time, and only from then live eternally in one direction, you're always measurably finite even as the number of years becomes uncountable. Which is what all the heaven BS is all about with all these loved one's spirits. You were never born. Your life didn't begin and doesn't end, meaning, your life didn't begin when you were born. This entire character and life is inside literally nothing, and that nothing, as you would expect of nothingness, doesn't have any start point or end point. I think all these NDEs, astral projection etc, I think it's just hallucinations.

I had a particular type of dream that is in a similar fashion to yours, when I was a kid. I believe it was a recurring dream or that I had glimpses of it or something like that. The dream consisted of a big steamroller wheel made of some sort of stone.And this wheel was floating in a white endless space. This wheel turned so slow, that it almost didn't move, but I knew it was moving because the slowness of this wheel was what I felt as dreadfuly slow for me to even watch. And infront of this wheel, was generations and generations of human civilization, that was eventually going to get crushed in a painfully slow, and inevitable way by this wheel. This wheel as I understood it as a kid, represented eternity. All that was and ever will remain, was this slow turning wheel in infinite white space and nothing more. It was the begining, the end, and beyond time itself. I woke up in existential terror from this dream, and I could not shake off the feeling of it being just a dream because the message felt like a deep realization rather than a silly fantasy, and this dream wasn't like any other dream I have had prior to this one either despite other dreams being more vivid and all. I think I also feared this wheel, beacause when it appeared, there was no possible interaction with it. It was a slow grinding wheel in empty white space. Any concept or thought or even time itself, was part of what was going to be grinded slowly into nothingness and remain like this forever. It's impossible to describe the absence of time, but that eternal emptiness was what I was felt in that dream.

@MrTouchdown read the first link I posted in your other thread, non-existence and nothingness are the same thing. It's up to you to decide or figure out what you think "exist" means. It's a primary word or thing of which there is no other likeness to compare it to since existence is seemingly all there is. I could maybe say "exist" means "to be" but that's just more descriptions. It could mean "X is so" or "X is true" People can equate "truth" with "what exists". "A is true" also means "A is so", "A exists". It's in the domain of common sense to most people, what exist means. So you're questioning that common sense? If you're questioning that common sense, you must have more thoughts to say on the matter or some confusion/not-knowing which can be more precisely articulated

@MrTouchdown I've thought a bit about non-existence recently. I basically equate nothingness and non-existence, in what I was doing here. I basically feel myself to be in some boundary between existence and non-existence, and tortured for it -- There's also this interesting quote I came across saying that evil is neither a being nor a good (relation to "non-existence") "evil doesn't exist, but it's precisely its nonexistence that makes it evil" A very interesting idea for evil, I can tell something's there (,as it fuses with my lucid dream thoughts and unconscious thoughts about black holes) But on personal level, I just think this world is evil in nature intrinsically (and I made the mistake of internalising that evil) https://nobulart.com/the-ai-vampire/ https://nobulart.com/the-parasitic-infection/ -- One thing you might intuitively consider then maybe is "actual things" vs "virtual/non-existent things", if say you wanted to navigate the world and found some things to be more real and truthful than other things. Virtual entities being phantoms and illusions which are empty.

Tier 2 transcends and includes all of the Tier 1 stages. Survival is a prerequisite for existing in a finite human form. When you cease surviving, you no longer have a spiral dynamics stage, you simply merge into Nothingness/Infinity

Yesterday I had a LSD trip, roughly 150ug. I've done around 15 trips in the past and this one has been by far the most profound experience I have had. The come up was quite nice, relaxing and I felt my consciousness level rising. I slowly became more and more aware with each hour, I felt present and I felt free. Yet, there was this lingering thought: there's something I can't quite grasp. What is it? Who Am I? I had this thought in my head like some puzzle, trying to figure out, like one simple question: WHO AM I? Would solve all my problems. And then I sat down, crossed my legs, and began meditating. In an instant, I felt absorbed in the nothingness, "I" was there, but "I" was also everywhere. I could feel my body, but I could also feel like I am the whole room. The sounds around me became extremely clear and I could hear every single voice or movement around me. And then this sudden feeling of pure freedom arose. I was completely empty, I was no one. My mind was completely free, I felt purified. I felt like I have finally awoken. For the next time period (very hard to grasp time on LSD) I was just laying there, crying and laughing. It was all so simple. It was all so pure. Pure beauty everywhere. I also felt energy pulsating through my whole body, shaking in random body parts of mine. The remainder of my trip was quite nice, I went outside, and It was hard for me to grasp this "new" reality I am in. Everything was just so vibrant, so alive, in completely different colors. I was sure I had my first enlightement experience, but I am afraid to put some sort of label on it and then "fool myself". I read that once you have your enlightenment experience, there's no way to mistake it for something else. Yet my ego is now backlashing hard and telling me, that it's all just fake and I am simply coming down. So which one is it?

After 500-1000 ketamine experiences, in light of Leos last blog, here are some messages over the years I had written down after my trips, maybe they resonate with you: Ethereal fabric substance of nothingness creating somethingness, thisness, as this out of an infinite number of infinite choices is the only thing worth creating, every moment is infinitely precious Pulling away reality piece by piece: as you pulled away the last piece, you will realize reality was telling you the same message every single time you pulled away the piece, but it took until there were no more pieces left, for you to finally confront the message God is the only possible author that wrote the only script that could be possibly written, by the only protagonist that could only ever had been cast, expressed infinitesimally precise in the only way it could have been told; by you As you come to understand, youll begin to understand theres only you that could possibly understand it Reality is so complex, no matter how much you understand, you are always infinitely far from understand its complexity, until you do understand, and in that moment there was never anything to understand

the suffering is not that bad. it is a small price to bring together the work of art, the perfect tapestry. the wonder of the matter, its intricate genius, goes far beyond what a human mind can grasp. out of empty nothingness arises a dance that starts out simple and blends into this explosion of unimaginable beauty and genius that it is right now. God himself marvels at the wonder of his genius. each of your thoughts is sublime art. every breath, every blade of grass, every exhaust pipe spewing shit, every industrial pig slaughterhouse. hallelujah to the glory of existence. Perfect, bright , glorious, overflowing with pure love

@Galyna Well it is not, the means by which we represent them are constructs, but they are definitely not constructs themselves. I have argued this extensively in a post titled "most things are imagined". There are things that may come and go when other things remains, and are also a combination of various things taken into one identity, only such things I call constructs. Not only is both Time and Space there always when something else in particular, say a sound, touch or a thought is had but there latter things are contingent on the former. Time and Space is of the mind, and ever present given the presence of something particular in mind, these are often called appearances. We who are conscious are not seeing how we are created, necessarily, for then nothing could take in its output. I am sure this will not be accepted easily, but it is obvious. If we could see that we were created then we would be whatever created us, or whatever of which we are composed, if we are at all created and if we are at all composed. Nothingness is a construct however, and this construct is definitely important for anything to make sense. It has a better term, "negation". It is not actually nothing, instead it is the imagination of a thing and the unimaginative of the same thing, which is what negation means. You may also argue retrospectively that nothing is the absence of an appearance or a magnitude in consciousness, but this is what I call emptiness and actually not at all nothing.

Everything doesn't arise from nothing. Everything IS Nothing. Now, you can awaken to different facets at a different times. You can realize Nothingness but then realize Nothing and Everything are identical in different awakenings. But this is still enlightenment and it is not a process. Awakening/enlightenment is a state of Infinite Consciousness which is not limited to a logical system or process - it is direct.

@Inliytened1 What? Ofc not. I am nothing, Literally. I do not get phenomenon how from this nothingness arises everything. Awakening is a process when you can find that "space" a "silent observer", yes. I found it many years ago. Is it enlightenment, ofc not.

I would say that time and space is a mental construct, yes, quality of consciousness to reflect upon itself. Who are you calling "we"? Isn't nothingness serves as a "ground" for everything?

@Galyna We think that it created us because we can impose our pure empty awareness into memories of our past, this is the reason we identify with who we were in our representation of the past in memory. The idea that we were created prior to our presence (now) is not made merely out of the parts which comprises this idea at presence, if that composition of elements were enough then we could push ourself back to some initial condition out of which we were created, to return at will at any moment. That these elements are not enough to create us does not mean they were not essential for us to be created, we are retrospectively analyzing the idea of our house, our family, our friends, (the empirical condition for these things, touch, smell, sight) our sensibility of shape, space etc. In doing this we see subsistent and essential elements of our existence, without these we would not be at this place we are now with these extremely peculiar characteristics, it feels like we are precisely were we are supposed to be because its disjunction or alternative to being where we are is synthetic or additive by means of it. This creation does not imply time, instead time is essential to the idea of the creation, the implication goes the other way around. Time is necessarily implicated in consciousness, as is space. I am not saying that we are in any way seeing how we were created, but we are analyzing its ingredients. We are capable of saying what our creation must necessarily have, without saying how it is done. I do not think it makes sense to conclude regarding how we are created for the same reason we do not know what it is like (or what it means) to be independent of us, such as materialists considers a stone to be independent of us or theists considers god to be independent of us. I do not think there has been an absolute creation if you were asking that, for I consider nothingness to be impossible (this I actually know) and emptiness to be a mutual contingency to whatever fills it.

A meta-contrast theory of reality Once you die, you'll be in a state of non-existence where there is no time, and neither is there the experience of a black screen. Since being a black-screen is still a conscious experience. In the total absence of experience "what would happen next?". I would suppose that in that total stasis, the only contrast to that nothingness would be experience again, maybe as another fleeting blip or as another type of existence . When in non-existence, we could say there are two possibilities. Either non-existence just "remains", or a contrast from non-existence will happen. If we suppose that there exists a situation where the contrast "doesn't happen" (I.e. death is final), that's not a situation at all or experience at all. Therefore the only thing that can happen is a contrast, and something will happen. Which would imply that after your death, you would end up dreaming something else as a contrast. We can reduce the question of what happens "after" your death to the question of whether a contrast will happen or not. But since the situation of non-contrast isn't a situation at all, I'm suggesting that the only thing which can happen is contrast. -- "The Big Bang" can similarly be thought of as a contrast to nothingness that happened (as "contrast" is the only possible situation) We could make a meta-contrast theory of reality. By this theory, there exist an arbitrarily infinite number of (contrasts to nothingness)/universes. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Notes: No distinction or postulation is made about the nature of the contrasts, that they are following some law or sense, or that they are contained in any way. In a sense, this is absolute infinity. The most mathematically unconstrained infinity you can think of is represented by "arbitrariness". Arbitrariness is the key feature here. Whether the "The Big Bang", as a physical event that physicists are postulating as the start of our universe, is true or not, is besides the point. The Big Bang is merely a cosmological story of creation we have, and this theory of contrasts includes that. Another thing to note is that the question of "how is there something rather than nothing" is answered by an argument which is saying "it's the only thing which is possible". By saying a contrast is the only thing which can happen, since non-contrast isn't a thing which can happen, etc etc -- Despite the argument given, I still have no reason to think non-existence or nothingness isn't possible. Even if there is a something going on here right now, it is completely valid to say there is a nothing going on in the background here. If you say there isn't a nothing going on the background here, you'd have to posit some quality about nothingness which isn't present. But nothingness is the exact thing and term for a thing which has no quality which can be negated

Notice, it has been the case all your life, you have not noticed this, what has changed, really? You came to a realization. That is a hard core, some people said they needed to learn again how to walk after non-dual experience. Yep, I do realize this quite often too. When I feel this way, next realization is : "no worries, there is no "I" either. You are no more real as he is. Pure imagination of the mind.. Yup, been there too, but if you remove "I", can void/nothingness be really alone this is the bitter pill to swallow for me too, ego hates it because it has been dreaming about soul mate and here we go: there is no other.... Love does! Mind talks....who has to die, nothingness? How? It seems like you still believe in the control if you resist to what is in the moment. But yeah, good luck....it will soak in eventually. Just keep watching the movie on the screen, the flow will take your body where it should be. You are not a hero, as you have discovered, keep watching....