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Im not learning from Leo, I already told you before that I am not interested in written or oral spirituality, since all of these are structures that are of no use to me, for me all of that is toxic. The only spirituality is the reality now, free of structures and obstacles. It is a fairly long path in which you have to release all your energy blockages created by the fear inherent to the human condition, and be able to open the human mind as if it were a plant closed in on itself that opens completely. Psychedelics and meditation are a tool but not a guarantee, no one can do this for you, only you can do it. You can use psychedelics to help, but the action of opening yourself completely to the now, without barriers, can only be done by you, and to do so you must let yourself fall into nothingness. It is difficult, the will must be unequivocal. If it is not, you can make 1 kg of 5meo which will not work. I have done that total opening many times, and I have tried many others with partial openings that lead to confusion. Real mysticism is subtle and the traps are many. I would say that any structure, certainty of knowing something, means that you have fallen into a trap

Well, I do like talking about myself God where to begin. I don't really wanna type up a book. PM me and we can talk over the phone. You can't put your awakenings into one post. I'd like to hear about yours too. I will suffice it to say that no self is enlightenment. The realization of no self. The next for me was nothingness. That crushed me. The next was Infinity. This was beautiful- but so powerful it exploded my body. The last was total Oneness. This is synonymous with Aloneness.

Those two statements are solipsism, and I think that they are two ideas that have no relation to awakening, and that are also not true. I am God imagining reality: This means that I am something: God. and that I am is performing an action, which is projecting mental images, a dream, and this dream is the result of the action. So if I stop dreaming, reality would disappear, but I, God, would remain. So I God would be reality? And what is that god exactly? I tell you what it is: it is the ego. The second statement: there is nothing outside your direct experience, implies that reality is limited to your current experience. not only impossible to know but irrelevant. Awakening is not knowing those things, but opening yourself to what reality is. The configuration of reality creates the self, the center, container of experience, which you confuse with a god who creates something. Reality is unlimited and therefore there is no real center, there is no i that can claim to be god. The only illusion there is the sensation of a self. To truly open yourself to the now you must let the self fall into nothingness, that is, dissolve the illusion of a center, and to do so, among other things, abandon the need to understand. To know that there are no others or that you are God is to understand, it is self. If you drop the serf, reality is revealed as unfathomable depth, living existence without limit. This existence is not one, it is not two, it is the infinite without center. absolute horror for the ego, which is why it is difficult to do it. reality is one, it is a realization that only the self can make, and therefore it is not real. Reality is truly indefinable, completely. Any definition is within existence, and therefore is limited, useless and false. The only awakening is the opening now to total existence. Doing this for more than a few moments is difficult, it is like putting two magnets with the same pole together, they tend to move apart, to become two again. It is a very subtle art. The opening I had two days ago for example was complete, but it is not something that can be defined, nor really remembered, since it is a memory that is not that. Any memory needs structure, and awakening is without structure. The ego does not like this, and tries strategies, such as solipsism, I am God, this is exactly like that, I am dreaming, etc. All that means nothing, grips for the mind

@Princess Arabia I had to laugh out loud while reading this... these conceptual crazy trains of thoughts about thoughts are an absolute marvel of absurdity, lol! And of course, I am not talking about this train of thought specifically, but about conceptual thinking in general. It's ability to complicate the most simple thing in existence is truly an amazing sight to behold... Sure, if you don't turn a thing into a concept, it becomes (or rather stays) everything. But then it's no longer a thing! It's not 'consciousness', it's not 'you', it's not 'me'... it just IS. Isness itself, so to speak. Which is impersonal, formless, without quality, can neither be observed or be observing. So pure Isness itself is not an experience, because there is nothing about it to experience, you see? You cannot even call it 'nothingness', because even nothingness is 'something' aka. a concept. And guess what... 'pure Isness itself' IS OF COURSE A CONCEPT TOO, which makes everything I just said null and void. Muuuahahaha... Well, take a guess what 'the mind' is. Hint: It starts with a C... and no, I am not talking about the four letter word. Can a concept conceive another concept? Ponder that, if you got nothing better to do for the next thirty minutes.

In my experience, Oneness = Love. Feels incredibly good and brutally blissful, but there seems to be an even higher place: Absolute Nothing, "no center", as @Breakingthewall says If Love/Oneness feels like Blissful unity, Nothingness feels like an explosion of empty Ecstasy. I've only touched seconds of that state of consciousness in my lifetime but they are worth decades of suffering of how it feels. And please of course let's not confuse the nothing I talk about with the advaita nothingness. The nothingness I talk about is something beyond freedom. Is an explosion of Ecstasy due to the fact of no center or self at all exists. Is pure flow of Nothing, completely empty, in all directions. Reality at this point is not "Real" or Alive. Is just Ectsay in all directions. Pd: Probably this is how it feels to be "dead". (You become Energy free from a body, and lose the imaginary self-consciousness center that existed when you had a body)

@Water by the RiverRiver6RiverRiver6RiverRiver6RiverR That nothingness you speak of is, obviously, something, or better, everything. nothing in the sense of absence of structures. I think that in the end the matter is simple (although not easy): all structures must fall. Doing this is extremely difficult, but not a miracle reserved for mystical saints, anyone who understands what the structures are can do it. It looks scary, but that's completely stupid. It's like a guy on top of a skyscraper looking out the window who can't stop holding on to a handhold. He can let it go, he will stay the same, in the same place. It is a practical exercise, an action that is carried out. For our specific case, rather than letting go of a handle, we have to let go of the self, and the self is really the perception that we are the center, the recipient of the experience. It is difficult to do this because really throughout our lives every movement, perception, sensation, leads to this feeling of center. The way to do it is the will to open, which is in some way the opposite of the will to hoard experience. generosity vs greed. That is why any greed, like the need to interpret, closes, brings back the self, which is like a steel door planted in the middle of experience, a black hole that absorbs all perception. From my experience I can say that it is getting easier (although difficult) since the freedom that is given is total, so the psyche gets used. It becomes obvious that it is reality, what the absence of limits causes: the source of existence, life flowing from the abyss of the infinite. What it is about is making a shift from the perspective of form to the unlimited perspective, which is the truly real one, and more that a perspective is to become that. It is extremely difficult to keep that open for more than 1 or 2 minutes, since at the same moment that the mind tries to interpret, the door closes. but that is the reality now, no other. the infinite flowing without limit. The beauty of this is total, the structured human perspective is still attractive, but only if the infinite is constantly transparent, and for this we must lighten the mind, remove all the density. Regarding the typical : you are God creating reality, well...I would say that that is a misunderstanding, it's the openess that happens with psychedelics without the act of let go the self, so the self perceives itself as God. but I can't say for sure. What I see (speculating a bit) is that reality is impersonal, it is a like a flow, and this flow given the absence of limits manifests as life and intelligence without limit, and this gives rise to cycles, to structures that are created and dissolved cyclically, with no one behind creating them. . Reality organizes itself in the cosmic cycle, which is like a dance of beauty that always points towards more complexity because it really wants to be, it rejoices in its dance. You can call this god, but it is so impersonal that the word god does not fit. It's not a god doing things, it's the nature of reality, a natural phenomenon. although as I already said my opening times are brief. but a second is a long time if the aperture is wide There are many layers, it's not just silence, it's openess. You could be in silence and closed and with some frequency of thought and open.

With the energetic practices/meditation that you describe one can generate states that are awakened and boundless/nondual. But as soon as the energetic practice stops, the separate-self Gestalt/structure "kills" the nondual boundless blissful state when it comes back after practice. One can literally feel it contract back in the head. Its like applying medicine to a disease. Relieves the symptoms, but not the source problem (separate-self contraction. Literally contraction, creating contraction/location/center in the head and body). There are practices that dissolve the separate-self-contraction directly (the root-cause, or the source problem, and not just its symptoms, no nonduality and lacking bliss), in a way that the whole flow of I-thoughts/I-feelings is cut off in real time fast enough (Trekchö in Dzogchen for example, certain Mahamudra practices), That (dissolving all me-thoughts/concepts and -feelings) fast enough in real time (needs a lot of training) then leads to dissolving the sensation of being centered in the body (the contractions and localizations), and also leads to "hard" nondual/infinite Awakened states (then also off the pillow in daily life), including the "solidity" of the "outher" world being replaced by mere lucid appearance hovering in infinite Nothingness/Reality/Ones True Self as expressions of it, "seeing itself". Without these two shifts towards truly nondual awakened states (loss of center and mere appearance instead of solid external world), most of the talk/writing about it is just wishful thinking and conceptual speculation. It is not just thinking differently, these are "hard" awakened states. Only in these awakened states can the real state of Reality be realized, and the separate self slowly dissolved. Without these hard awakened nondual states, there is only illusion/duality/separate-self, and no chance to really realize what the underlying nondual Reality beyond the illusion/ignorance really is. I have the impression that is an important point for you, since you are among the rather few that actually practice and not just engage in conceptual speculation, but in generating these awakened states. And I agree fully on that. I have written extensively about these practices of Dzogchen/Mahamudra. If that is done proficient & fast enough, the mechanism of creating a separate-self and a localization & center stops, and one has these awakened boundless/nondual/infinite states of Infinite Nondual Consciousness in daily life when getting up from the pillow. I can confirm this from my own practice. It is too good to be true. Yet, it is true, and at that stage of practice always available. From that basis and in these states, one can dissolve the last remnants of the separate self contractions/localizations/lenses of perception in the burning of ones own infinite and impersonal True Being. The contractions that were the separate-self/ego melt like ice in the sun. I can only invite to try these techniques. In my experience, they are way superior to any standard concentration/energetic sitting meditation/practice. Exactly because it attacks the root-cause, and opens up Awakened Nonduality States in daily life. Mahamudra uses extensively concentrative sitting-meditation and energetic practices (Tummo for example) in the beginning, but goes beyond it as soon as possible. Off the pillow. Water by the River Here a description of the practice system I mainly used: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/92467-god-fucking-damn-it-another-meditation-rant-thread/?do=findComment&comment=1309816

Yes. At the Absolute, all dualities/pointers/words fail. Realizing by BEING the Infinite/Nothingness/Totality and dropping the clouds/ignorance of false separate-self totally. So one can approach IT from both "sides": Nothing-Ness/Infinite or Infinity/Everything. IT is both Nothing(-ness) and everything/Infinity. See below (from the same link), marked in green. And the most important parts are: 1) "In Nothingness, there is some degree of awareness present—it is not how most people imagine brain death—albeit unconditioned, object- and subjectless. The Consciousness (for lack of a better word) of Non-being is so subtle that the moment we try to reflect upon it to check if we are conscious, we are jarred back into ‘being’ and into our ordinary dualistic consciousness. I hesitate even to call this experience “pure subjectivity,” for that invites a metaphysical position that I am not willing to support." That part is the problem in all Psychedelic Awakenings I have seen so far (projecting separate-something on IT, creating "facets", or "I" am God). Not to even talk about all the endearing conceptual (non-awakening) solipsistic speculations and projections. and 2) "Personally, I think that differentiating between Nothingness and consciousness is helpful, and that is my ultimate goal—to help people realize Non-being or Absolute Consciousness. At that point, I can care less whether people call it Nothingness, God, Brahman, Buddha Nature, One Mind, Universal Consciousness, or a kangaroo." and here the green markings in the post:

https://www.osho.com/osho-online-library/osho-talks/j.-krishnamurti-ramana-maharshi-nothingness-bf780583-7c9?p=a8beb803805c780733aad57402ce1a5a

Love is not a feeling. Love is not a state. Love is not an experience. Love is not a belief. In fact, Love is not Love, at all. It's something entirely different. Once you "face it", it becomes perfectly clear that any idea you had about love, anything you imagined about love, anything you heard or read about love... is wrong. None of it is actual Love. Absolute Love. Only facets or glimpses of it. And not even. Absolute Love (which is simply put just The Absolute, or just Love, or just God, or just Consciousness...) knows no opposite. Knows no other. No duality. Absolute Love is One. It's not this or that. It's neither this, nor that. And it's also both this and that, simultaneously. It is just as breathtakingly and unspeakably beautiful as it is horrifying and hideous. Speaking as if I am looking from the outside in - which is obviously impossible in actuality... It's just imagination. The point of it is to understand that if you were to witness the infinitude of Love, you would dissolve into nothingness, instantaneously. Your mind would quite literally shatter into million pieces, because it could not comprehend what it is witnessing. It could not make sense of it. It would be the most overwhelming experience ever. The mind-fuck of all mind-fucks. The Paradox would burn your mind from the inside. That's what witnessing the infinitude of Love would do to "you". You would catch a glimpse and then dissolve into what you're witnessing. You would die. You would be no more. As if you never were, to begin with. There would be only Love. And no one there to call it that, or know that it's that. Be it would, nevertheless. Love is what gives birth to entire universes, and planets and stars and anything you can and cannot imagine. Love is also what tortures, rapes and kills entire cities and countries. It's what makes children starve. It's what makes homeless, crippled junkies do heroin. There is only one "force" in existence. Ever. Forever. Only one Love. Only one God. Only one Consciousness. It's not good or bad. It's not beautiful or ugly. It's not pleasurable or painful. It's beyond all those dualities. It's like a cocktail of it all. Anything you can and cannot possibly imagine. And if that thought does not scary you... Then you really have no business doing this work. You are too reckless and immature and you will do more harm than good, to yourself and others. It's one thing to listen to gurus about how orgasmic their enlightenments were, or how warm and beautiful God's grace is, or whatever else. It's one thing to fantasize about some super duper ecstatic experience and think that that's what Love is. It's a completely different thing to face complete annihilation. To be torn apart. To be left breathless, paralyzed with terror. To be reduced to nothing. Chances are... You will resist. Survival instincts will kick in. You will be absolutely sure you're dying and you will fight for your life. Not knowing that you never really lived, and cannot really die. It's just how "you" are wired. You are meant to resist. Chances are... It's not going to be the pleasant, warm, beautiful experience that you hope for. If you do it right, it will scare the crap out of you - to say the least. Love is scary as fuck. It is disturbing. It is disgusting. It is merciless. It is as cold and vicious as it can be warm and nurturing. Do not be fooled. Your ideas and beliefs about Love are not what Love actually is. The manifestation of everything around you is just that. A manifestation. A dream Love is having. It is not what Love actually is. Absolute Love transcends but also includes any possible horror and beauty you can and cannot imagine. It is not necessarily manifested, but it exists as a potential at all times. Think of it as a resting force. Love unites. Love divides. Love gives birth. Love kills and destroys. Love is infinite. Anything that can and cannot possibly be... must be Love.

Your post from May is very interesting (I don't understand how you can remember a post from May by the way, congratulations) but there is something that I don't completely understand. I understand what you are saying about the total dissolution of the self that wants to understand. My experience is exactly that, the fall of the self into nothingness, but this is precisely where I see the problem: nothingness. nothingness is a limited realization. Truly nothing does not exist, it is impossible, since without limits nothing ceases to be nothing, it is everything. If when we talk about nothing we are referring to the absence of structure, then yes, since the self is structure and center. The fall of the self is the dissolution of the illusion of a center, recipient of experience, reality is impersonal, it is a natural phenomenon, not someone. Performing the action of dropping the self is extremely difficult, since it is the self that performs it. It is unthinkable because thinking is structure, now I am trying to think about it and I know it is impossible, but what remains evident is the impossibility of emptiness. The void is limited, because if it extends without limit, it contains everything.

Medicine: 150 ug 1P-LSD Intention: Contemplate How am I God, Infinite, Love? And retain more insights after the trip. Background Before this trip I had a very difficult experience with 4-AcO-DMT, so I decided to take some time to understand what I was going through and integrate better integrate the previous trips. I dedicated myself as well to read some books from Stanislav Grof and James Fadiman to understand more about LSD and other well known psychedelics as well as some other books from Leo's book list about God and spirituality. I also worked on improving my Kriya Yoga techniques and have been observing my micro fears and contemplating how these fears are related to myself. Finally, I contacted a psychotherapist which helped me during some earlier hard phases of my life, because I started to get anxious with the psychedelic trips and some personal stuff started to come during the trips, which I was not being able to integrate alone. The Trip Made all the preparations and took the LSD around 8:00 am, after that I made Kriya Yoga, I managed to get to 30 minutes but I started to feel the effects of the medicine and started to feel a little dizzy. I find interesting that the peaceful and after glow of Kriya some how merged with the effect of the LSD. I also made some Hatha Yoga because the LSD gets me some muscle soreness, and I have realized that Hatha Yoga helps me relax the body and allows the energy to flow better. I then laid down as the effects of the medicine were getting stronger, and started to ask me how am I God? I also started to become aware of the rapid movements of my ego mind and I managed to calm it down. And the I had this very deep insight about Nothingness, it was a very profound insight but I will try my best to describe it. I realized all the limitations that make me believe that I am a person, and realized that I had to overcome them in order to become God. As I realized this I had this vision of my body being fully surrounded by white energy and how all the limitations simply disappeared. And then I became Nothingness, I don't really know how long I stayed in this state as time had no meaning there. It was like if I was in the Void, there was no difference, it was Absolute Nothingness. Later I went to see how many time had passed since I first laid down and I spent at least two hours there. And suddenly I see how I decide to go back to the form and create myself as a tough and as this happens I have this vision that the Nothingness merges again with the white energy of Love like a multidimensional living Yin Yang and it creates a strange loop and I become this strange loop. As I realize the insight I sit there completely shocked and I see how my mind tries to wrap around and make an idea of it which is impossible. I tried to write about the experience and it came to my mind that is impossible to describe Infinity with something finite as words. Nevertheless there are some moments of great inspiration I feel during the trips, here is something I wrote down and I wanted to share: "It is as if God could talk me through music, thoughts, light, in all the many dimensions of the Self and It manages to do it so overwhelmingly good that It leaves me breathless". I became a little agitated because of the magnitude of this insight, so I started to walk around in the apartment and later made some more Hatha Yoga. It felt as if I was a puppet being shown how to make the Yoga positions. I wanted to lay down again and I realized that my ego-self didn't wanted me to do it and became agitated. I realized that I was also contracting my body and opened-up and started to make bilateral symmetrical movements and I managed to calm down. I am really amazed how easy is this technique and yet how helpful it is in such cases. I managed to calm down and relax, I wore some earplugs and tried to be as still as I could. I had one of this Samadhi experiences I have been having with the psychedelic trips. As I relaxed the mind, the limits of my body cease to exist and I literally feel I have no limits, during that moment also experience a lot of Love and it feels as I would elevate and leave my body. I guess that this is the sort of experiences that yogis get after many years of practice. There was also a moment when I felt I could remember who I truly am, not as my ego-self but as the higher Self. I could feel I was Infinite, Infinite Love, Eternal. It was just Awesome! I also realized that there is no such thing as a reference point and that everything is relative, except for the Absolute. As I got this realization I started to feel disoriented and fearful, my body wanted to close again but I managed to remain open, make some bilateral movements, so I could accept the insight and continue tripping. There was also a moment when I was at the kitchen and started looking at a mango, I became fascinated with its different colors and textures and at some point I realized that by concentrating myself on the mango I became the mango haha, I just don't know how to put this in words but it felt like that. At the end of the trip I started listening some music, something I have learned to enjoy specially when I do LSD, and there were some moments that I feel I become the musician playing the instrument and the music. I then went for a walk in to the forest, I felt drawn into the nature, part of me wanted to see the and be part of nature, so I spent a couple of hours walking and flowing with the constant changes of the wind, captivated by the fractal forms of some plants and the beauty of nature, looking the awesome colors of the leaves now that the fall begins here in Europe. Conclusions I felt I had a much more organic trip, as in my previous trips I could not remain so conscious of all the insights I got. I see that working on my fears have helped me go deeper during the trips. There where some moments where I felt I was drawing towards madness, but I saw that the only way I could get over my fears is to face them and that it is a long and slow process. I was reluctant and skeptic to contact the psychotherapist but working on some more personal stuff that has came up during the some previous experiences also allowed me to go deeper during this trip. But then again, it is a therapist that I have known for years, which could accept the idea of me working with psychedelics (even though she may not recommend it or like them) and someone I can also trust. Bilateral symmetry and remaining open is a great technique to avoid getting into anxious during the trip, at least it works for me and I cannot recommend it enough. Something I don't like about 1P-LSD is the muscle soreness and body load it generates, but I could counteract some of it by doing Hatha Yoga, something that may be manageable at least in lower to moderate doses where it is still possible to move around. When I started working with psychedelics at the beginning of the year I was afraid I would not be able to this with my girlfriend around and that it may even cause is trouble, but to my surprise it has been the complete opposite. I have learned to understand her better and to get closer in our relationship. Thanks a lot for reading this and for your comments! Thanks to the great community of Actualized.org and to Leo for his great teachings!

I just had this insight and I started crying because it was so profound. Some important prerequisites: The nature of the universe is exact, not accidental, and is implied by nothingness. By what logic nothingness implies this specific universe is not clear to me. Maybe one day it will be. I was not born into the universe, the universe was born into me. I am the only conscious being in the universe. Now the insight: The universe created itself out of necessity in order to understand how it created itself. I am the universe's latest attempt at understanding itself. @Sincerity Helped me make this discovery with his latest post so thanks for that. I think I am just destined to repeat what Leo said 5 years at this point lol. It's an incredible insight here, and I wanted to share it with you all. Thanks Leo for Actualized.org.

Okay, assuming you have had a spiritual awakening, you will know that there is only subjective experience, and no experiencer. This means that the entire universe is a self perpetuating, ever changing, infinitesimal moment in time that can be best described as pure consciousness. Since there is only one thing in the universe, and you exist, you have to be that thing, so you are the entire universe. And again, since there is only one thing in the universe, the statement "you are the universe" and "I am the universe" are equivalent. This line of reasoning is obviously begs many questions if you are coming from a dualistic paradigm. I recommend Fred Davis's YouTube channel. He does a really good job of addressing pretty much every objection to the claim of nonduality out there. He helped me understand this thing a lot. The second statement is pretty easy. I have been interested in physics, philosophy, and religion my entire life. Practically the whole idea of a "spiritual journey" is trying to understand the world from a fundamental perspective. If you study physics for any extended period of time, you will find that the specific things we see in the universe are emergent from a few underlying principals that all work together gracefully and perfectly. Noting the way mathematics not only is able to describe everything we see around us, but seems to be the only way to do so, as well as the fact that math is a field that again fulfills a few underlying principals to give us amazing ways to think about the world, I think you might be able to say that the way reality is structured is the only way it could possible be structured. And since the natural numbers are literally constructed from so called "empty sets", it may be logical to conclude that total nothingness implies this exact universe.

We are saying that Love is an Absolute- it is a facet of God. You have to remember that language is limited. The word Absolute does not fully depict what God is. Infinity does not. Nothingness does not. Everything does not. The word God doesn't. The word Love doesn't. So we look at facets and angles of God in an attempt to grasp it. When in truth, only being it fully grasps it. And then good luck coming back and describing it with one word.

He said vacuum of nothingness!! Of course!!! LOL!

Hi guys, It's been a long time now since I'm working with 5meo dmt but I can't seem to have a proper breakthrough with it, I started slowly around 1 year ago getting freebase and hcl, I went progressively and although I had really great experiences, I can't seem to get to that breakthrough territory, that "Ah-ah" moment or "This is it ! OMG OMG OMG OMG", "INFINITY, that's meeeee!!".. I had the cosmical joke where I laughed like crazy, I had the nothingness where it felt like having no-body or like shutting down a TV then nothing, sometimes I had glimpses of Love even though this one seems to be tough for me like really well hidden, I kinda struggle with self love and I rarely get it from 5 even though it is there, somewhere deep down inside, but no traces of breakthrough and I know what a breakthrough is, I had multiple with nnDMT years ago when I was experimenting with this medicine. I've tried every ROA and rectal looks like the best for me, really gentle and no problems with coughing or having trouble breathing, no driping in the throat etc.. My previous experience was 25mg HCL boofed and it was not that strong even though I thought it was a somehow great dose. I thought I put too much water inside the syringe and I assumed it was because of that. Month(s) passed until today where I really wanted to go for the breakthrough this time, I'm home alone for one week so I decided to go for 30mg (I wanted to do 35 but I stayed on the safe side ). I was ready for deep work, put 0.2 ml of water on the syringe then go for it but it was mild too... Can it come from my batch degrading over time? I've stored it in the zipper for months before storing it in a tiny glass jar but still not perfectly full.. Let's be clear, I still got something from the experience, right now I can still feel it somewhere like maybe I need some grounding after this, but during the experience it was not as strong as 30mg should be. As a comparison, I initiated a friend of mine (really experienced with other psych) and we both went for 23mg snorted and this time it was really strong as it should be. Is it possible to have a different tolerance with rectal administration compared to snorting for instance..? I'm not used to put anything up my ass beside 5meo nor am I used to snort things regularly as a reference but this situation feels weird to me and I'm kinda deceived by the experience I got from today to be honest.

Why is there always a need to put some ground/meaning onto what is going on? This misterious experience can morph into whatever it wants. The point in the end is not in any particular configuration of reality but the sheer magic of reality itself moment to moment. From infinity to nothingness and all the spectrums, it's all being done by the same misterious but obvious reality-beingness. I've come to the crude recognition of this seeking of reality to be awake, godly, or human or loving or whatever it is. I've been losing the point. The nature of experience, which is constant with infinite potentiality and no restrictions. Not in the sense of wanting to explore it and be in one mode vs the other but just basking in it's glory and magnificience that it allows all of this play to go on. Also there is no ground to reality or to experience, not even groundlessness, not even consciousness or God. It all kills itself when you are so it there is no more it, because you are it, no-distance. All is a dream even the awakening of dream is also another dream, even imagination is imaginary. The mistery is always on, this experience (to give it a name) both ungraspable and obvious, both grounded and ungrounded where everything is, and being itself in the beggining, the middle and the end, of this tremendous tail chasing. Awakening is not a high, reality is all there is, whether high or low, it is always already the case. Hope you can see that, but you still have to go through all of it to the other side, to realize you are always in the only side. It all depends on what you want but I'm telling you, the nature of experience itself is constantly the case and even loses itself to itself, we are not making it into a new ground, being free once and for all. When you explain it you lose it even though explanations are also it. The paradox is intense but it's also simple This goes on and on...

While it may be possible to awaken to such a point that you could bend reality to your will, you likely wouldn’t. The level of consciousness that would take would dissolve all of your egotistical desires. Someone could trip on 5meo every day, or meditate on a mountain top their entire life and never obtain this level of consciousness. additionally, if one were to learn the “cheat code”, they would likely tell no one as it would be irresponsible to teach as most people would behave in a selfish and egotistical manner. This would be a cheap trick to live a good life and never pursue anything higher or have real meaning. Our suffering in life is often what brings us deep and profound meaning. This is a feature not a bug. if a selfish person did manage to discover how to manifest anything in life, what benefit would it be to them to share this with you? They wouldn’t need to sell the secret because money would no longer matter to them. You could not possibly give them anything in exchange because they could manifest everything they desire. finally, if you were to truly awaken to this, recognizing you are god does not mean “your name here” is god. The human ego is not god. God is the substrate of all existence . This would beg the question, why would your ego be any less of an illusion than my ego, or anyone else’s? Why should you be the one to bend reality and not jim bob out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere? if everyone were to become omnipotent, all egos in theory would dissolve and god would awaken from the dream, bringing nothingness. also recognize that the reason this question is so egotistical, is because it is focused on where YOU are in relation to god. This is just a division that you are creating and this is an illusion. Infinity has no division. In order for your ego to survive, it wants to maintain itself while also being god. it may be more beneficial to back off of solipsism and attempt to deconstruct your ego and it’s motivations. Psychedelics, meditations, wim hof breathing, and prolonged experiences in nature/isolation will bring profound insights. Go trekking for several months and you will see some things. If you can’t get psychedelics in your country, take a vacation somewhere they are accessible legally. id start with isolation in nature though. In my experience I felt far more stable doing this first.

I achieve the best results with low to mid doses and then reading some spiritual text or listening to music. RoA is intranasally or seldom boofed. Doses intranasally from 20-40 mg. Anything higher just brings me in a state of nothingness or solipsism, but a weird kind of it. Can be interesting though.

Well what do you mean by "God in its purest form " if not nothingness/pure emptiness/formless

I didn't ask for "God in its purest form " because that is just pure useless nothingness. I'm asking for concrete manifestation. If God is like Alaedin and he can will anything into existence..and that God is ME...but I simply blocked my own unlimited power to experience a finite life ..then my question is how can I access unlimited power? Please appreciate the scope and the profundity of this question.

Ok let's say that i die and i return to infinite nothingness from which i came from. Will i be conscious of infinite nothingess? It sounds like non-existence but you said non-existence is just a concept which exists...

I've been vaping 5-MeO-DMT for the last 3 days. Here's what I realized: 1. Understanding. Any attempts to understand what I as God Am in a default state of consciousness is self-deception. Human mind is incapable of understanding God. All ideas that you have even if you were in the God mode are just ideas. True understanding is being self-aware Understanding. 2. What is a break-trough on 5-MeO-DMT. As I was vaping it I could control the depth of my experience to some degree or level. After you do one more step there's no more control. I'm God but I can't control infinity, it's a paradox. When you enter infinity, it feels unbelievable and terrifying. Your true form which is nothingness becomes infinitely more nothing. You can see every part of your experience with such a precision. Every small detail is infinitely perfect and designed by your Will, the Will of God. This infinity is actually Love, it's pure Magic. 3. God can't be understood by 5MeO-DMT only. Since I'm Infinity I can't be understood completely by just one psychedelic. In order to understand myself I need to do different psychedelics and combine them. Not all of the psychedelics are actually designed for understanding though. Most of them are designed for self-deception. From my experience lSD, mushrooms and even DMT are very deceptive. I was standing there looking at the stars on 5-MeO-DMT, believe me, you've never seen the stars if you haven't looked at them on 5MeO : )

The paradox is that you're already dead and don't exist, i'm imagining my awakening and all of you that lead me to it. Ones you enter such a high state there is no way to get back from the eternal, even the people that were near you and grounding you become empty shells. Every movement that you make in nothingness doesnt have synchrony with your body, so the reality is getting destructed by your own mind. You can't go from eternal non sleep state to your ego just like that, the only way that might work is for you to fall asleep in the eternal which doesn't work just like that. So stop bsing The infinity is a loop, that will always keep getting back to itself. Your body is your house the representation of ifinity, the age is the loop itself. Eventually you will have to kill yourself/make an error for the infinity/system to restart itself so you can be reborn in something (represented by big bang) After my birth at age 4 , i got the same dream like 20-30x of me jumping from a building and not touching the ground the screen just becomes (black). That's how you get reborn in a new body. Same with computer, you have to make an error