Search the Community

WEEK 8 DAY 50 20 minute yoga in the morning. 22+25 minute meditation Today is a day off. Despite of that from the very morning I did not feel well. Tried to meditate at midday and I did not manage to sit for entire 25 minutes. Towards the end I realised that I was only waiting for the timer to go off and was not really meditating anymore. There were cravings for sweets and gaming. They kept reoccurring throughout the day. It was tough to resist. Decided to re-watch koyanisqaatsi one more time. After watching cravings came back and for a moment I was seriously considering dedicating this day to some computer game. In the end I managed to foresee the consequences and understand that I do not truly want that. In the evening I meditated again. After sit I thought a lot about letting go. Today most of my commitments were tested multiple times. Mindful eating: Breakfast - totally forgot about it. Lunch - remembered half way through the meal. Dinner - same as lunch. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 51 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute meditation. Kept coming back to the idea that it is shortsighted to sacrifice one's authenticity for something that you think you might get from other people by not being who you are. This is an important idea to work on. Today was my girlfriends birthday and we went to a vegetarian restaurant. Food was delicious but something happened in my stomach. Food just stood there for 3 hours. I am going to meditate now but I can not sit cross-legged right now. Lol. Ironically that it is what happens when I finally decide to try some vegetarian food. Not very encouraging. Meditation was very challenging. I felt pressure on my chest, that kind of pressure that used to cause panic attacks for me and my mind kept spinning. Despite of that I kept refocusing on my breathing and had some very pleasant emotions when I understood how difficult it is right now to meditate and how much dedication I am showing when ignoring all the negative circumstances. Mindful eating: Breakfast - started slowly ended fast. Lunch - partly mindful. Dinner - Partly mindful. Fingers cracked 3 times. DAY 52 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute yoga at work. 25+20 minute meditation. During the day thought a lot about "letting go". I experienced moments where my life looked a bit like a movie. I felt negative emotions but I was not as attached to them as usually. That is actually the main thing that I noticing lately - the gap between awareness and emotions is increasing slowly. Same is with the gap between awareness and thinking. Slowly. Very slowly. Meditation was difficult today. At one point I thought that I forgot to start my timer and decided to check it - there were 5 minutes left to go. Few hours later before sleep I decided to do another sit, because I felt tension in my body and pressure in my chest area. Lasted 20 minutes. Felt a bit better but still restless somewhere deep inside. Mindful eating - a little bit of mindfulness with every meal but still eating too fast. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 53 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute yoga at work. 25 minute meditation focused on sound. 25 minute breathing meditation + visualization. What is this craziness with meditation you may ask? Today started my meditation courses that I registered to a while ago. There will be 7 lessons, in each of them there will be 2 different kind of meditation techniques introduced. Teacher seemed legitimate. 18 participants. It was the first time I experienced group meditation. After the first session I opened my eyes and almost laughed. I kind of forgot where I was so there was a moment of surprise when I saw all those people sitting in a circle. I tried staying open minded, some of the things seemed a bit woo woo but I was focusing on what is useful for me at my current stage of life and there was plenty of stuff to learn. First of all, meditation has stages. It is recommended to have an "intro" an "outro" to your meditation. I have already downloaded a timer designed especially for that. Intro is all about relaxing which I often had problems with. I got some tips how to relax and also how to make sure your sitting posture is correct. On top of that teacher demonstrated various possible meditation poses. I decided to stick to the one I was practicing until now which he called "turkish sitting" and some other word I do not remember. I want to sit cross-legged with my knees touching the ground but so far I am unable to do that. All in all, it was a good experience. Looking for the next lessons where I will learn about Zen, Neti Neti, Sufi, Mantra and some other words I have no specific meaning attached to. Mindful eating - same as yesterday. A bit of mindfulness and a bit of fast pace food obliteration. Fingers cracked 4 times. DAY 54 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute meditation. The anxiety. The worry. Overall I can say that it was handled better than usually. I was focusing on accepting the feeling and tried not to resist it though I admit efforts were not entirely consistent. Today I went for lunch with my co-workers. Attempted mindful eating and tried to slow my pace down. Despite the intentions I finished my lunch first. Gosh I am fast eater. In the evening as a birthday celebration of my girlfriend we met with friends and later went canoeing. Ate well (avoided sugar), did not drink any alcohol but as we were canoeing I smoked 2 cigarettes. Came back home very late. Meditated at about 1:30 at night, forgot to use my new timer. I was exhausted and my back hurt. Ended meditation session after 20 minutes because of the lack of energy and concentration. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 55 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. I think I hit a plateau when it comes to smoking. I have no problem during workdays but during weekends I sometimes really want to smoke. There comes a question: do I resist smoking or do I avoid resistance and smoke? My emotional state welcomed smoking. I feel a bit tired and lost. Smoked 6 cigarettes today. This week was supposed to be extra focused on my detachment from smoking habit though I totally forgot that when I was smoking. One thing I should mention I do not buy cigarettes. My girlfriend smokes and that does not make my life easier. I had a period where I quit smoking for 6 months and did not struggle much. Now when I have someone close to me who smokes additional problems arise. Shiet. I used new timer for meditation today. It goes like this: 4 minutes for relaxation, 20 minutes focusing on breathing and 1 minute to feel the body and end the session. Really liked this format although struggled with sitting posture. At one point I had to stretch my legs. I will buy a pillow filled with buckwheat as soon as they restock (currently sold out). In meditation "class" they had pillows like this and sitting was very comfortable. Fingers cracked 0 times. DAY 56 20 minute morning yoga. 25 minute sound meditation. 25+25 minute breathing meditation. Attempted sound meditation. I am so used to focusing on breathing that I need some time to adjust. My mind wandered more than it usually does during breathing meditation. Few hours later I sat and focused on my breath. I have finally managed to relax. Finally! What a relief. It was not a complete relaxation though, there was something that still kept some tension going but mostly I was relaxed. Did not last very long though. Sunday was productive - spent 5 hours concentrated on the project. Smoked 2 cigarettes. Sat for another 25 minute breathing meditation to close the week. Fingers cracked 1 time. REVIEW OF WEEK 8 Goal review Quitting smoking - Failure. 3 days of smoking, 8 cigarettes. This is not much, I used to smoke twice the amount in one day but it does not matter. I might actually stop being so strict about smoking because I still do want to smoke sometimes. I know it is possible to brute-force it but it is not likely to be a long-term solution. Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Check. Limited social media time - Check. (facebook intensified advertising and that sometimes naturally makes me want to stop using it completely) Eating healthy - Check. Exercising daily - Check. (starting to feel more and more comfortable with yoga routine) Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. Healthy sitting posture - Check. (although I caught myself sitting like a potatoe couple of times) No excessive use of alcohol - Check. (no alcohol at all) No sugar in coffee - Check. Finger cracking - Check. (not perfect but alright, keeping the counter on until I get less than 3 cracks per week) No more porn - Check. Affirmation habit - Check. (not consistent) Mindful eating - Check. (I will give it a "green" because it is the first week but I this needs more mindfulness) Thoughts This week I often felt restless. Not always sure why but there is tension - a lot of it and often. I am more aware that my thinking is mostly negative and I got some insights about why it is the way it is. I grew up in the environment where I was always punished for things done wrong (very often I was not aware that something might be wrong) and I very very rarely got any positive feedback. I was focused on learning the "rules" so that pain can be avoided. The problem was that the "rules" were contradicting with itself. I always looked for logical explanation and focused only on the rational part of the problem. I was emotionally clueless and in my early years it has never came to my attention how significant emotions are. Under different emotional circumstances different "rules" applied. If parents were happy I could relax, if they are tired or conflicting with each other (which I saw a lot of in my childhood) no matter what I did some "rules" might be broken accidentally. Because I was not able to follow the rules and even if I tried I was not able to understand why rules are inconsistent I was ALWAYS focused on what could go wrong. Sometimes something I have done seemed to be completely fine by my standards but I knew that my standards did not matter much. I might be punished one way or another so I had to find the SAFEST way to do things. This is probably the main reason behind my neurosis. I always look for something wrong. Since I have always blamed myself more than the environment and accepted the bigger part of responsibility on my shoulders I became extremely self-critical and judgemental. My model of reality is incredibly distorted. I remembered few situations where people reacted to something I said as if I was very worried. I was surprised by that because I thought I was fine, I was not able to detect the emotion. If I worried less for me it used to seem like I am fine, like I am relaxed. Now that I am working on myself consistently and my soft addictions play smaller and smaller role in my life I am more AWARE of what I am FEELING. Now I just fucking feel like I can not relax ever. Right this moment as I am typing I am feeling some pressure on my chest and my shoulders are slightly tense. I relax my shoulders but minute later the tensions is likely to come back. As Leo said in this week's video "first three years of self-development might feel like you are regressing". Well, it does sometimes. I have sweet moments from time to time but the fact that I am putting more effort than ever and I mostly feel like shit is not an easy one to accept. I kind of want to say something like "god give me strength" lol. I am not religious and have never been religious but I sure could use some bliss or revelations. Goal adjustment — Focus on observing physiology and relieve tensions once they are detected. I have plenty to work on for now. Than you for reading, TakeCare Next update is planned on 2016.08.21

The only reason enlightenment sounds plausible to us is because it too has a price of bliss in the end. If enlightenment would offer a lot of awareness with a lot of pain and misery instead, why would someone want to go that road. More generally, the only reason people sacrifice pleasures is to gain a more permanent state of pleasure in the future. So one way or another, there is always a higher price of pleasure we seek. When we are kids, we are involved in instant gratification, then as we mature we realize that there is a more effective way to gain pleasures which are more permanent and that is to get out of our habits of instant gratification and sacrifice certain things for the future, then as we mature even further we realize that there is an even more permanent state which involves the surrender of our ego. So Isn't everything that we do is a trajectory from pain to pleasure ?

Materialism does not lead to bliss... but it's a pleasant misery. I think "Not thinking" about any of this is the best approach... Use Tolle's the power of now in this case. Drive your mind into the moment so hard that thoughts stop. Having this break can lead to an opening...maybe.

If a genie were to offer you a choice between $1 billion right now, with the one caveat that you will never become enlightened, vs. an offer of instant spiritual truth and enlightenment, you would take the money in a heartbeat, wouldn't you? Why is that? Because you're still connected to worldly desires, and you still believe they will bring you more happiness and fulfillment than enlightenment ever could. As long as your ego holds on to the notion that outwardly success is more fulfilling than enlightenment, you will always have inner suffering. At least, that's my understanding of enlightenment vs. no enlightenment. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and all that money didn't matter. But if you had enlightenment, you were prepared for that bus, and you achieved a state of bliss you would have never otherwise obtained.

And by the way, I've been there hundreds of times. Now every day I go there. The deep bliss of nothingness, ignoring all objects of mind, netti netti of the knower itself, and that knower, deeper and deeper experiences of nothing. There is another stage beyond what you describe, where it is the extinction of even awareness. This is called the Absolute. I'm sure I have been there, I know I am. But each time I come out of it, the ignorance is still there, and the suffering. So I know experiences dont mean anything, because the one "experiencing" is still some form of subtle ego, still some form of subtle duality. Because the experiencer has no way of recording the extinction of nirvana. We can never "experience" the Self.

This is the latest post between me and my friend. Please feel free to comment: She posed these questions: What is it that needs an identity, identifies, and takes it seriously? What is the I that experiences personality? The thoughts and feelings that manifest as "suffering" is what identifies, needs an identity, and takes it seriously. Once "suffering" manifests, it necessarily separates itself from what is (I mean, just creates the illusion of separation). Awareness gets focused onto the suffering and identifies with it as something that is happening to this illusory 'me.' I see through the suffering. I see that the more one suffers, the more conscious awareness is being focused on something, as if it could harm a 'me'. Someone related enlightenment, or the truth of no-self, to experiencing a 180 degree shift in consciousness, and that's exactly what all of the implications suggest. Why is what "is" conscious? And why does it seem that it is love? It didn't have to be anything, but it's this. The only way it can be? Free will doesn't exist, but does the formless have qualities that it "chose" such as love? A whole slew of questions that I would have never thought about before are now realized as the only real questions. And maybe deepening my knowing will answer some of these questions. I won't know until it happens (and if it happens). I've sat with the sutra for a while. It seems to point to the utter impossibility of what "is" being capable of experiencing suffering. Since I am that, everything can be allowed to be a game. "What does the universe want to do today?" for instance. If awareness is allowed to rest in itself, then there can be no entanglement between it and form. If there is no entanglement between itself and form, and it is seen to be this way necessarily, then that is the end of suffering. Detachment means the realization that nothing in the world of form is you, and is infinitely far from you, but is you. Once meaning and value have been taken away from everything, liberation is the only thing left. Freedom is. Like I said in an earlier post, Ilona, I've been on this track for a while, and just didn't know that it would lead me here. I didn't know where truth was to be found. I didn't know that the truth of no self would open everything up. I have suspected for several years now that there was no free will, and there was no 'me', so maybe that is why I didn't have a bliss experience (or maybe deepening my seeing will produce one) like so many people report. I experienced some changes, but nothing ultra dramatic like some people say. I know peak experiences are not the Truth, and obviously are just as far from Truth as anything else that is experienced by the body/mind, but is there some deeper seeing that I've yet to become aware of, do you think? I know this is just mind conjuring up stuff to try to get attention, but I honestly feel that there is nothing else to do. I don't need to read anymore. I don't have this feeling that I need to keep searching. The only thing I've been experiencing lately is this feeling of just not giving a damn about outcomes. I feel that I can just do whatever I want from now on, and that's the end of the story. Game over. If I get up and go walk in the park for a few hours and come home and just sit, and then go to bed, that's just fine. If I want to go play a video game, it's just fine. If I want to challenge myself in a way that I can achieve deeper insight into this life thing, then that's fine too. There is a lot of conditioning that says I should be doing something else now. Since I've seen no-self, I ought to do "something" else now. And I don't think that's the case at all. If I let go completely every day then what happens, happens, and it just is what it is. That's the plan for now...just to live and see what arises Also, I'm starting to taste the beauty of non-attachment. Clinging is suffering. When something amazing is witnessed without clinging, then that is fulfillment. If life is lived without clinging, that is fulfillment. At that point, life is complete.

Well from some point of view it is : you're gonna pursue it thinking it's gonna make you happy. And since you can never achieve happiness this way you're lost. But once you realize there is no you to be happy and you will be in a state of eternal bliss - and whatever the mind or the body doesn't doesn't matter. You can still enjoy the things of this world. But No thing is essential or can provide your happiness - including a mind concept of ahealthy relationship or whathever else.

The Fireworks Effect The Fireworks Effect = Mistaking the possible side effects of a spiritual awakening (bliss, joy, kundalini, extreme constipation, butterflies in the stomach, spontaneous combustion, etc.) for the awakening itself. Awakening to your true nature or an aspect of it is just a simple recognition. Nothing has changed in your experience; you have only discovered something which is already the case. Your reaction to that simple recognition is unique for every individual. That is why all of the spiritual teachers' stories about their awakenings are so diverse. Beware of the Fireworks Effect. Be careful not to waste your time looking for a fleeting experience, expecting that that is the awakening. Many people fall into this trap and use meditation to waste decades of their life trying to relive brief moments of fireworks. Your true nature is not a fleeting experience. It is that which knows all fleeting experience. And that is about as subtle as it gets. Cheers!

@Wormon Blatburm Yes, it would just be an ego/pleasure land. When I was doing some pranayama breathing 2 years ago while abstaining from masturbating for a month or so, some kundalini stuff happened and it felt like my soul was evolving, and the experience was so magical and that's where I get the idea of reachiing your full potential, in all shapes and forms becoming some ubersmensch but I want to to feel that intense bliss again omg it felt so good it was ecstasy. I noticed when help make the world a better place or advance society I get this really good feeling and thats what life purpose revolves around. Its like a "help save 5 stray dogs" and you got some good feelings, kinda of like a currency. I'm addicted to pleasure and this bliss feeling right now, I'm such an addict and the occult says the water element is the emotional principle, so It's just even more intense bliss omg I'm thinking of having a girlfriend and just sitting in that phase then all these love chemicals are happning, such a low-level of morality. I had some suicidal problems from abstaining from sex and not feeling loved idk, it was said it gives extreme physiological, mental and physical problems, but I don't wanna be a pleasure leech, I want to give back to society in huge waves, but somebody told me what I was thinking about is impossible and that I have to lower my standards, I don't like that.

A quick (and life long) fix is to do Self-Enquiry. There is a bulk of text on my history, and s ton of videos that give you a detailed, and not so detailed overview of this practice. It's all laid out like an instruction manual for a microwave oven, the deep shit is there if you want it, plus there is a quick-start module to get instant results in twenty minutes. Instead of putting your attention onto thoughts (objects), become aware of the screen that the objects appear on. Focus on that instead of getting involved in the story. Keep doing that until the peace, happiness, bliss and unshakable self esteem that arises from letting your attention sink into its source becomes a million times more attractive than the memories. It's the most simple and most effective thing you can do in life.

Nostalgia is one of the greatest highs ever that we are seeking! We fondly remember our childhoods and we see our childhoods as a Golden Age that was a time of innocence and a time of confidence. I will write the best days and moments in my life that left a profound impact on me! I am deeply grateful for these moments and how they inspired my life. 1. The greatest moment in my life was on Christmas Day 2014 in San Francisco. I was sitting on the dock of the bay and it was a beautiful sunny day and I feel completely blissful and deeply relaxed. I was immersed in the beauty of the moment and it re-captured the feeling of being by the ocean and feeling completely relaxed about life. It re-captured the moment I longed for during my bad semesters. It was an inspiring moment that set the stage for my golden years of 2015 and 2016. The end of 2014 was the best possible end to the year because of visiting San Francisco and San Diego. 2. Discovering Synetic Theater, in all honesty, was a magical experience that I will never regret!! I first discovered Synetic on October 2015 when I first saw it’s production of “Alice in Wonderland” and it blew my mind and left me absolutely speechless. The reason why I resonated with the play so deeply was because it was my internal passion calling me. After seeing the show I realized that this was what I wanted Tim Burton’s movie to be. A surreal, whimsical, and horrifying play about Wonderland being dangerous and also a coming of age story!! I saw Synetic’s whole 2015-2016 season and it was one of my the greatest experiences in my life that I will never regret. Synetic is the deepest embodiment of my passion and it is truly my soul mate. 3. I fondly remember my Golden Years of 2015 and 2016, which in all honesty, were the best years of my life. 2013 was undeniably one of the worst years of my life with a constant string of failures! After the year ended, I felt emotionally numb to cope with how overwhelming the year was and I forgot what it felt to be happy. I felt like I was living a quarter life crisis and my twenties hadn’t started yet! 2015 and 2016 were Golden Years because I didn’t just accomplish many goals. I re-connected with the emotions of deep bliss, childlike enthusiasm, curiosity and the higher emotions of being completely invested in a story and becoming one with the story and having a deeper sensitivity to the beauty of the moment. I spent 2013 being an exhausted and worried procrastinator who felt like everything was spiraling out of control. 2015 and 2016 helped me get closer to self-actualization but I want to achieve the highest levels of self-actualization. 4. I never regret going to California all my life and having great and memorable times in San Diego with my extended family. I remember going to the beach every other day, the beautiful sunshine, celebrating Christmas in 2015, and getting to explore Ocean Beach, Del Mar, and Laguna and going to Balboa Park. I feel instantly in love with SF because of the city’s quirkiness and the beautiful nature, the great food, and the great parks. 5. I am deeply grateful to live in a neighborhood like Bethesda where I live near a library and a bookstore and restaurants right in walking distance. I love how I can a bus or the Metro to anywhere in Washington DC. I’m most grateful to live near an amazing city like DC and in close proximity to other US cities and states. I’m grateful to be able to transform any day into adventure! 6. I never regret going to the Caribbean, to Mexico and to the Virgin Islands. I long for these experiences of being by the beach every morning and smelling the ocean and having great days at the beach and being by the ocean. I vow to return to the Caribbean and I promise that I will visit the Caribbean, the Virgin Islands, the Bahamas, Central America and South America. 7. I never regret being a storyteller, a voracious reader, a cinephile, an audiophile, a theater lover, and a history lover and being passionate for so many subjects whether it be music or movies or stories. I realize that the arts has deeply resonated with my life and his inspired me deeply. I never regret telling so many stories and writing many poems. I will commit my whole life to mastering storytelling and to become effortlessly creative. 8. I don’t regret learning about topics that fascinate me. I love learning about stories, self-actualization, creativity and so many topics. I’m so glad that I’m in college taking classes that I love. I’m grateful I go to a college where I don’t have to worry about bullies or social awkwardness. I love getting to opportunity to learn about so much and I will focus on learning more. 9. I never regret deepening my friendships with Laura and Katie and overcoming my social awkwardness and being much more authentic with my socializing. I’m glad that I discovered that there are authentic friends out there for me. I can create a new network of friends and I can keep on mastering social skills. I don’t have to get along with everyone or even have many friends! I want a small social circle of best friends! I’m realizing that there is a whole world out there for me! 10. I never regret seizing abundant theater and social opportunities in DC like going to Synetic Theater and the Kennedy Center and to Wolf Trap. I’ve seen some of the greatest shows ever in my life! I’ve been to so many plays and shows in my day 11. I’m deeply grateful for all the times I spent with my grammy and how we went on so many trips and adventures for her. I’m grateful to have her as a role model.

@Nexeternity I understand I'm not my "thinking" or conceptualizing mind as I stated earlier. Not all the time anyway. I know I can't "think my way to enlightenment". Even the thought of what enlightenment is automatically turns it into an illusion or concept of mind. That would be trying to bring enlightenment down to this lowly level of the" known". That's not going to happen any time soon. "If it can be spoken of, that ain't it", as the old saying go's. On rare occasions I have experience what I am as pure empty awareness, no self, no likes, no dislikes, no love, no hate, no emotions. no attachment, no knowing of any kind what so ever. True bliss and liberation from the egoic mind. There was nothing for the ego to cling to, good, bad or indifferent. But that was just tastes and not a permanent state. This is where my original question lies. Leo reminded of something in a statement he made in another post very recently. I think it points to the answers I seek. There is absolute nothingness, the "infinite singularity" that is pure, empty awareness. Maybe I could say, at best I have witnessed that from a distance. But if i became that, that would cause the final shards of self to utterly burn to ash and all remnants of self would than vanish without a trace. Total and final liberation from self. I did feel that when the experiences happened. But it's always fleeting within time. So here is where I'm at now to sum it all up. I must become that and not just experience it. I can see the difference in that now! Thanks brother, all of this really helped piece everything together for me in all different ways! This should all come together nicely at some point. Maybe I can get myself off this see-saw ride to enlightenment once and for all by not just focusing on awareness but to utterly become it in every way. * I wrote this the other day and forget never hit the send button. Well here it is now. I just read your latest statement above. Don't worry about it. Yea there is always plenty of work to be done. I been at it on and off for 30 yrs. and there is still plenty to be done! It's a life long journey. I 'm thinking lately I should maybe put a little boost into my experience. Something that may kick it up a notch. Maybe experiment a little.

During my quarter life crisis, I realized that I was having a string of failures, low energy, virtually no creative passion or even inspiration, restlessness and sleeplessness and I lost touch with my passions and my love for life and my freedom and happiness. My Happiness List is a major step in the right direction because it re-aligned me with my own happiness, it grounded me in the moment more and taught me to savor happiness like a great cup of coffee or a cup of tea, and I had moments of deep bliss. Through the List, I re-captured the emotions of bliss, being captivated and seduced by fiction, and feeling in love and relaxed in the moment. I'm sleeping much better, I'm much healthier, and I'm much happier but I feel like there are greater self-actualization opportunities on the horizon. Actualized.org helped me realize so much and I'm so grateful I discovered it earlier! My Happiness List was heavily inspired and based on Leo's Gratitude List and I gave myself a daily commitment to the list. I re-created my life and I'm truly starting to taste and savor how rich and delicious freedom and happiness can be. This List is a huge step towards self-actualization but I feel like I can go even farther.

@Electron The majority probably shoot for enlightenment on the promise of peaceful bliss, but I find the search for Truth to be more alluring. To find what's real. Question everything and you'll find your life is mostly led by illusions, without any great awakening needed, and those realisations can be more than enough motivation for our 'search'

This is still operating from a paradigm of duality. In enlightenment, in theory, we become no-dual. So there are no more opposites or divisions: no more pain and pleasure, good or bad, right or wrong. It is to assume that in enlightenment the absence of suffering equals the presence of joy - that if it isn't one thing it must be the other. My interpretation is that things become neural and peaceful. Peace of mind. Perhaps this is bliss, but that doesn't make it either pain or pleasure. Just peace. Enlightenment isn't a hedonic pursuit of constant gratification. It is the absense of all of these things. Including any negative emotions. It is simply just 'being' and just 'allowing' life to live.

@Emerald Wilkins Is our ultimate desire is to become non-existent. To completely vanish without a trace? That would be true bliss because there would be no "you" to have an experience of any kind. Someday we will all find our way home and become pure emptiness again. But for now, here we are. Kicking around on this rock and having experiences of all colors shapes and forms as the manifestation of emptiness. When you see everything from the perspective of non-existence, you can also see by comparison that one experience is really no different than any other. They all happen within this realm of existence and here they will stay.

Every time I notice anything arising in my experience that clearly needs compassion and loving. At first it was quite often, my monkey-mind generated a whole bunch of thoughts per day and most of them weren't exactly coming from any good place... Actually, the more you speak those loving sentences, the more you transform your experience and the more the state of just dwelling in bliss becomes accessible without even speaking. Hmm, it might be something like: learning to integrate something to part of your reality is to learn how something feels. I don't know, my personal experience of this world has changed so radically so rapid that it's hard to put anything in words... I think there might also be connection to what's behind the success with MDMA-treatments on PTSD patients, "forcing the feeling of love in one's experience" can really help to dig deeper and deal with all negative stuff and traumas buried deep inside.. But it's definitely the feeling you're after, words are always just symbols. "I love you" could mean in some other language "This is bullshit"...

@Ross Did I not mention it before? The self help industry, and yes that included the spiritual community is a scam. You can solve all your problems by dropping the programming you accepted from these "authorities" and just live intensely in the moment. You will see clearly for yourself that this industry is nothing but nonsense that you never needed. Try it for yourself. But you must be willing to drop the Mooji, RSD, Hulse, Ken Wilber and all the other nonsense that you bought into. You can only do that when you become serious enough. Enjoy the bliss

thoughts on Jesus ... Jesus. Yes, Jesus. Not religiously talking, just some new ways of seeing this historical (as it seems)person, I am discovering for myself... Leo once mentioned Jesus along with Budha and how they have the characteristics of great meditators and enlightened people. What can we really learn from these stories? What is the truth about Jesus? Okay, people didn´t see that the man who called himself the son of god called everyone around brothers and sisters, which would mean that they are children of god as well... So Jesus had to talk very simply to them and as it is with that gap between teachers and students, it can be really hard to start from somewhere, especially when what is tought has many levels and shades and might be something they do not want to hear because it might mean that they were wrong, or did wrong or will be wrong... It might mean that they have to change... What does this remind us of? Self development... This reminds me of something one of my professors once said, he had done fieldwork in Africa and he said that if you tell certain people there a story about some great king who bravely died for his people they might not like the story and even note that if the king lost his throne and was murdered, he must have been not been good enough, unworthy and deserved it... Anyways, so he was not some super human with superpowers, doing wonders, and resurrecting from the dead... He was a master of... Self... Eh... Knowledge? A master of emotions, peace and truth. How do we know? Well, he could "suffer" on a cross but his ability to distinct awareness from thought, to detach the experience from pain, from himself and his love for everyone and everything-from unconditional happiness and peace, which are, as we learned all possible abilities one can train with a lot of labor and patience (bet the gap of information about his early adulthood comes from the fact that it was absolutely boring-he was probably meditating day and night...), these allowed him to slow down the system so much that he was believed to be dead... Then he got some time to recover and... Well, he came back and everyone thought he resurrected from the dead. Sounds all less spectacular, but would make some sense. I wonder what happened first... Did first Jesus talk to "god" or "god" talk to Jesus? I am not sure if Jesus was really hearing a voice he called god and if that would make him slightly mentally ill or super special... But if he heard that voice, it was produced somewhere, it came from somewhere, it was real to him, it had an enormous impact on him and his behavior and on others... My theory is more that he drew the wisdom from himself, from learning by himself. Looks like Jesus distinguished still between god and himself but maybe this is just how others interpreted it through his words. Is it likely that something spoke to him or likely that he created this dialog himself? If he created the let´s call it "god dialog" himself, then how did he do it? Maybe he cultivated awareness and let everything enter his perception, he applied thought to his observations, i.e. logic, order and critical thinking and tried us much as he could to translate his realizations and positive feelings into actions and spread them with language... What did "his father" teach him after all? Simple things, respect, compassion, patience, the power of forgiving, justice, morals, love... Love. Anything else the father gave his son? I don´t think so... The son earned it all himself, he "fought the demons" in the desert, he was alone all the time untill he found his students and even those left him at some point... What is Jesus a symbol for? A half god, blessed and superior? Unreachable? Or a symbol for a small human that found joy in the hardest path he could have chosen? A little human with a couple of values and a life purpose? If Jesus was human and had these abilities, then we can be like him. Can we become like him? That is the question between every heros story, can we be like them? We won´t ever be more or less than anybody else but we have the potential to be like Jesus or Budha or Gandhi etc., so paradoxicaly we can grow endlessly but that means nothing. The hierarchy melts away. Nothing is a big deal, if history changing or not, we all matter but at the same time we don´t. Butterfly effects in the stories of our lives and of those we influence, in the history of humanity vs. the fact that we had a start as a human and as a species-so we will have an end too... Eitherway, we also know now, that it is not weird at all that Jesus had no wife... Why would he need this kind of love or relationship? He had a relationship with "god" already and his existance was probably feeling at least orgasmic most of the time... He had so much bliss inside him, you could give him a sponge of vinegar to drink and he´d not mind you, he really wouldn´t... We don´t need to become like him, we don´t need to believe that he was even a real person that existed but it looks like that he was. He was just a guy who walked the spiritual path untill the very end. He would never want anyone to do fasting for him because he suffered, or burn candles, or pray... He would want people to open their minds to their potential, which is the same as his was. God made man by his picture. Yes, because this god word is just another word for everything, everything is like us and we are like everything because we are one, one big perceiving nothing? Well, okay, here comes the part I haven´t figured out yet and before I could say anything, I can at least already tell that it´s awesome!

Enlightenment is permanent. The enlightened state is simply your present experience, unfiltered! It's not a constant "feeling" of bliss or what have you. If you're chasing after bliss, that's just another one of ego's carrot chases, so beware. All experiences pass; enlightenment stays the same. Very subtle, and very simple. Fundamentally, nothing changes. On the surface, everything changes. How circumstances change after enlightenment vary from person to person. Some may become "bodhisattvas," others may become hermits. Some may vandalize a parking lot, others may feed starving children in Africa. It's all up in the air after realizing that the person has no control whatsoever over what they do, as well as realizing there's no such thing as morality. You're a caterpillar trying to build a conceptual framework of what it's like to be a butterfly. But that conceptual framework will only hold you back from metamorphosis. I suggest that you forget about the antics of the butterfly and instead focus on the inner work to become one! Cheers.

@cetus56 I was very,very,lucky - in that I started to grasp it as it was hammered into my brain by someone with Leo's charisma and integrity. When you realize that what you are seeing in his eyes in those videos is Truth (Along with all the joy that it looks like he manages to turn into a calm 'hum of bliss') He's vibrating like a mofo but he's fine-tuned it and then must just draw from it. What power. (I want to work towards that.) Now, I studied all the current science of it out of an innate curiousity, managed to figure out the surfacy stuff of current Quantum Theories, just trying to understand all the paradoxes of the quantum world. Right now these top physicists of the world are explaining the universe so very convincingly through Quantum experiments, mathematics and theories... Well, when science starts to dovetail with that gnawing spiritual quest - naturally and Truthfully avoiding religion and philosophy, I'm hooked. ....Anyway, regarding the illusion of self just 'popping', once that Truth has been articulated to you effectively, repeatedly and maybe even from different angles (still avoiding religion or philosophy), and combined with that 'Aha!' moment of EXPERIENCING that Truth, whether through calming the mind down enough to just 'See it and BE it, even if only for fleeting moments.... Epic in the true sense of the word. Man, I am a little thankful for ego, last few days, it's filtered back in somewhat smoothly and I feel as if I've let it to some degree ... in order to just try and get some day to day shit done. You're simply never the same though, eh? Irrevocably, permanently changed. First big noticeable symptom, besides awe and tears and awe and 'holyfuckholyfuckholyfuck' is that I'm calmer. I don't think I'm calmer, I'm just calmer. My days are just automatically a bit smoother by default. Wow, what a way to realize that turning that Aha! moment into more than a moment, turning it into a near-constant experiencing of that Aha! moment, is so worth working for through self-actualization efforts. Man, if you hit on the 'no self' thing in your mind, and then experience the Truth of it, the ego/mind dissolving for those fleeting moments so you recognize that you are unity...? Well, imagine if you were vibing on life so vividly and in the moment that you had to dumb down that constant bliss of Awareness of your True Nature in order to get some regular, day to day stuff done. I don't think much could stop you in this reality if you worked for and reached, accessed and harnessed and focused that kind of energy and love. Hooboy, I have a lot of meditating to do.

Notice how you're searching for an experience of enlightenment. You're expecting fireworks: some FEELING of connectedness or bliss. Realize that those experiences are fleeting. Your True nature is always here. If "Truth hath no confines," you already are connected to everything! Your present experience unfiltered by belief is enlightenment. I suggest you stop searching for a drug-hit of bliss. Instead, start by examining the belief that there is a "you" looking out at an external world. You'll soon find that Awareness, as you like to call it, is already not confined inside the body. Cheers!

Oh man, keep up with the meditation. If you are following Leo I wouldn't be remiss in suggesting you watch the Enlightenment Intro, and Enlightenment part one and two videos. Back to back if you can. When you get about 30 minutes into part two, he was hammering on the 'there is no you, there is no self. He does this 'You' (pointing at you) thing... 'Yes, you, nod your head, that's right, say your name, ok. YOU don't exist! There is no self!' Well, when you get it you get it because you experience it, and it does something to your ego that it's never experienced before. The illusion of self fractures for real, and if only for an instant, it's bigger and badder than any matrix shit. Hey Arik, yeah the tears of pure joy and bliss, especially upon initial seeing and early in your journey, nothing like that eh? 'I' wish it for you, WhatAmI, stay with Leo on Enlightenment, look up 'John Hagelin, what is consiousness? Part 1 & 2 & 3. Try some Stuart Hameroff lectures and interviews on YouTube as well. Brian Greene lectures on quantum theories as well. Have a little mind melting fun with Quantum mechanics explanations on YouTube, current ones by the top minds and physicists in the world. Try to wrap your head around the two-slit experiments (many explanations on Youtube), Entanglement (Einstein's 'spooky action at a distance), String and super-string theory, Probability wave collapse and consciousness and 'thoughts', and ultimately the Unified field theory stuff. (Done very well by John Hagelin in those vids I listed.) Have some fun with that, it was big fun trying to unpack all this science for me and I got to grade 10. It's do-able with an open mind and some repetition of the videos. Yeah, long stuff but trust me. THEN! Try Leo's enlightenment videos, the intro and pt. 1 and 2. again. AND! Keep up with the meditation, especially, I think, the self inquiry type, the Who am I, who's really thinking these thoughts stuff. Oh man, have fun. It's going to fuck you up 1000 times better than the best way imaginable when it hits you and you see, feel, and even if for a second, 'Be' nature, for the first time. Thanks for listening, I hope I'm on the right track trying to give a little nudge or hint, or point to great info and learning to further your journey.

Enlightenment is no more than the realization that everything is driven by one unified field of consciousness. That realization happens by tapping into that primordial field through the practice of silencing the mind. So who can't experience enlightenment? But the big hurdle is staying in that state of unity at all times and under all circumstances. When the silence finally prevails at all times over the noise of mind, that's full enlightenment or bliss consciousness. Of course that is much easier said than done when living day to day in the real world and the reason so many end up going into seclusion.

Please, do not answer me with enlightenment jargon, for I am looking for a simple answer, and I don't sBeak English very well Let me introduce myself first ;), I am Muhammad and I am from Morocco, North Africa. I have been following Leo for 8 months, and it has been a bliss. I am no longer depressed. I am no longer a negative thinker. I can stay at home with a complete peace of mind, feeling no kind of loneliness, guilt, shame, or anything like that. Just recently, when I watched the last videos of Leo, from Life minimalism to the last video of happiness, my vision starts clearing up. I want to make a BOLD CHANGE this year, but I am AFRAID, because I do not know where it is going to lead. It may lead to some AMAZING rewards, and it may be a WASTED year!! I want to quit university and continue with my blog, which I started recently, why? because of the following reasons: If I quit university and my blog goes well, I will be able to settle in one of the most beautiful cities in Morocco and the world; a quiet city where I can pursue enlightenment work. I will be no longer living with my family, which means more freedom and discipline. I will not work in a 9 to 5 job. I will live a truly tribal simple lifestyle. what do you think, guys?