Christian

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About Christian

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  • Birthday 10/27/1998

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  1. Find the root cause of your anxiety and eliminate it. The root of my anxiety was feeling exposed and always afraid of being judged. This made me supress many aspects of my authentic self and it was only when I treated the root cause that things got better. The way I dealt with it was meditation, setting goals, keeping my promises to myself, being social, trying to be as authentic as I could. Out of these the most important was probably meditation and socializing in my case. The anxiety is still present, but I've made signifigant improvements in my mood and confidence.
  2. There is no self to be hurt lol. Now, I'm just being a total jerk and I love it lol. But to be honest @Nahm I think it's the right thing to do and I have a lot of reasons why I am angry at this very moment. It does not mean I get into a fist fight, but I acknowledge it, use it and accept it for what it is. I was in suppression-mode for 5-10 years and that was a lot worse. It fucked with my confidence and my self awareness, but now it's getting better slowly but surely
  3. What you are describing here is the yo-yo effect resulting from negative motivation. You hit rock bottom --> want to change --> then when the change happens you loose motivation because the problem has been solved. I'd say you should stop relying on motivation as your only tool -- especially negative motivation. What you need more in my opinion is proper habits. Habits once established do not require that much motivation to keep up and that is why habits are so powerful. You just want to have a basic level of motivation -- positive and or negative -- to insert the habits until they start functioning automatically.
  4. I had an abusive sibling. It gave me tough skin, yes, but I absolutely will not thank him for what he did. I would rather just let go of what he did, say fuck him and take the benefits which were the tough skin, an ability to let to, to forgive, to be kind to others. No need to fucking thank him, he was an asshole and he shall suffer when he watches me succeed despite what he has done to damage my psyche.
  5. Stroking my penis
  6. No self means -- as far as I know -- means that the ego (self) is an illusion. It does not exist as an object in reality. You can verify this for yourself in direct experience. Just ask: where is the self? You should notice you cannot find it simply because it never existed in the first place. Ever! But then again, there is a true self. The true self is totally different from the ego. The best representation I can give is that it is nothing and everything simultaneously. But you can only see the true self once that ego is broken down. Stories and representations are like pointers to the true self, but not the actual thing. The true self can only be experienced, not intellectualized.
  7. If you want to eliminate these negative habits I reccomend you do the following: 1) list out possible reading you might fail to drop these habits 2) list these potential causes of failure in a systematic order with the most likely respons to fail at the top and the least at the bottom. 3) Brainstorm practical solutions to overcome each potential reason for failure. 3) implement the solutions to at least the top 3 most likely causes. That's wheere you will get the most bank for your buck. This is basically the pre-mortem technique that Leo has talked about. It can be very effective when done right. Good luck
  8. It's cool to see I am not alone here. Maybe the me vs the world frame is just a bunch of BS since there are others who have it similar. But hey, it works for now, and it gets me going. And I do believe the anger will go away at some point just like it did for you. It might just take a while because there is so much. It's like my shadow is finally creeping back up, scary but fascinating.
  9. The motivation I have is really a combination. It's both negative and positive. They can coexist. But, the negative motivation has definetly been strong recently. And I know that the yo-yo effect can greatly decrease my over all motivation long term. That's why I use it the negative motivation to make habits. For habits, I don't need motivation really. I don't need a lot of motivation to go brush my teeth or shower for example
  10. Who knows? Maybe it is, maybe not. Can't really tell right now... But I will continue to meditate regardless and I intuit what you are saying probably is right. Thanks @Shin
  11. To give you a bit of backstory, I was bullied a lot, never had a proper support system, got manipulated a lot in the past, was criticized for being my authentic self, indirectly told I was a piece of shit. And in order to function in society I've supressed this anger, fear, hurt, and apathy for the past decade. I can't get angry at people for some reason. Every time I have an intention to express anger I experience a very intense resistance. So that feeds into the whole problem because I am an easy target and people around me see that and use that to their advantage. But one positive aspect of this is that I use this anger to accomplish my goals and I've kind of developed this paradigm which is me vs the world. I believe the world is a place where people are assholes who are "out to get me" and that inspires me to be this arrogant over-achiever. I've used this emotion of anger to get good grades, I'm using it now to build a meditation habit and its been going great as I've done it now for 50 days in a row now. So should I keep this anger? I really want to because it is a powerful tool, but I just feel like it is incongruent. It's probably negative motivation, but oh boy is it effective! I've never been more motivated to change and I sort of want to use the anger constructively to keep achieving my goals. But I can't see far here. I am unaware of the long term consequences and would like your feedback. Am I on the right track?
  12. Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore. Sorry, I couldn't resist But seriously, let it go. Stop thinking about it. Realize that problems are created by you and sometimes all you can do is let them go. Clearly in your situation, that is the case because you can't go back and change it. Fact is you lost your file and you now need to let it go. If you can't let it go, accept that and try again and again until something clicks.
  13. Maybe it helps to think of it like this; a person who has not smoked for 4 years will be off smoking, yes, but he will still very subtlely have a temptation to smoke. That temptation never turns to zero, but over time it becomes less and less. The same thing applies to beliefs meaning: If you have some limiting beliefs about yourself, if you replace them, they will not totally go away, but you will still move away from them in a sense. The limiting beliefs can also resurface, but that does not matter if you are conscious of it as it happens and you know how to shift your focus
  14. I want to share some insights I have had on the journey throughout the 2 years I've been doing. In no way am I claiming my insights to be true and I am just here to share, not to defend a perspective or convince you. So firstly I want to start with a fundamental truth that I have discovered through direct experience. And that is that I do not exist as a separate entity. I exist as nothingness or "the void". This nothingness is both nothing and everything simultaneously. Mind blowing... Another insight I've gotten is that ego and suffering are one. They are two sides of the same coin. And that true happiness is not found in your material possessions, it is found from knowing who you are existentially. When you believe you are this body sitting here, you can't be happy unconditionally. Furthermore, I have realized that in this life, I basically know nothing. That a lot of my knowledge in inaccurate and that I need to be vigilant for self-deception. One self deception that I fell into recently was believing that if I show I am hurt to others, that will make them understand and I will feel better. In my life, that proves to be false. People are generally just as egotistical as me and probably care way less of me than I think they do. The way to deal with hurt is to forgive the person who hurt you and let your feelings pass. That can seem counter intuitive, it did to me, but it is so liberating. Check out "The Sedona Method to learn how to let go. I've also discovered that the greatest strength is letting go or surrendering. Surrender is critical to inner growth and to be open-minded. Another thing I've encountered is that proper habits are essential for personal growth. You are what you repeatedly do. And when building habits, the most important thing is consistency, not the technique you are using. That does not mean that you use an obviously wrong technique, you should still care, but not that much. There is a balance here. What are positive habits? Meditation, reading, study-habit, healthy eating, contemplation, visualization, affirmations etc. Next up is life purpose. Life purpose is critical to living a passionate life and dying with no regrets. If you are stuck at a mediocre job that does not honor your top values and has no meaningful impact, you better believe that will have great effect on your emotions. Find your life purpose as soon as possible. Another thing I've encountered is that life is highly nuanced and that being contemplative is important. Basically reflecting on your actions and behaviors looking at them from a bigger picture, seeing the subtlety in life and disengaging from black and white type thinking. Studying personal development is also important; not because you are doing it to teach personal development through some media, but mostly for yourself. That requires learning from a variety of sources, not just one source because that could be unreliable. This means reading books, watching videos, going to seminars, implementing techniques, etc. There are many more, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. Anyway, hope you got some value out of it and please share your insights regarding PD below would love to hear them
  15. The meditation technique is not really that important. There are dozens of techniques out there, but everyone be about them damn techniques main. The most IMPORTANT thing is the fudging habit man. You should care about meditating every day. Do all that can be done each day as Brandon Carter would put it. Don't get too concerned with the nitty-gritty details man. Who cares about them? Only the ego and the ego is full of shit..