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Allright, I'll share an old poem of mine called Excerpts of unwritten letters: Getting choked up over nothing really Barely able to hold back my tears to stop them from streaming down my face in lonely rivers dripping from my chin to fall into nothingness Just like you I have a million questions but no answers - not even a bad one I would tell you everything will be okay if I could just believe it myself Dearest, don't torture yourself Be silent no longer and get out of your hole Say what you want to say do what you want to do But don't feel and act like a corpse while life still flows within you You think I know nothing and you are right But I do know that I miss you I surrender myself to remember the imperfect perfect moment when your eyes met mine when your lips kissed mine My thoughts of you are all too hauntingly touching and if I could only permit myself to truly reveal them I would tell you I love you But instead I remain silent and feel the fever rising and hear my heart breaking

Just got back from a WHM Workshop. It wasn't held by Wim himself, but rather somebody who has been trained by him. The workshop was split into three distinct parts; Yogic breathing and retention cycles. Yoga postures. Finally more breathing with an ice bath, as well as a presentation on the health benefits and Q&A. Seekers may be interested a lot in the breathing technique, as an exploration of consciousness can be possible with this technique. One girl said that she felt as if she was slipping into a nothingness, and that she had a thought, that perhaps death is quite a nice and liberating experience. The ice bath was great as it requires a lot of one pointed concentration, and once you get in there, the monkey chatter slows a lot. I even went back for an optional second go in the bath. Once you do the ice bath, you feel confident and empowered, because it isn't easy, as well as really alive and awake. Anyway, I would recommend you guys to do it, if you are new or at least fairly new to it. If you've done the full online course I can't see there being tons of value. I enjoyed it anyhow.

so consciousness work and nondual spirituality/philosophy and self actualization... they ultimately lead to this declaration that - there is no self, physical existence is illusory, all that is real is awareness and that is a tricky devil. nonduality, idk how to capture it well in words but basically the idea that the best life is the monk's life working full time to reach the highest stages of consciousness possible. But I say, that in and of itself is identity, duality, moralization of right and wrong, and inherently that decision (like any decision) is dogmatic. Yes, so is what I am saying here, also dogmatic. but the argument then is to say that sure of course consciousness work sounds like dogma because you can only discuss it in words, and that is where the dogma lies. but I counter with the point that even awareness itself is illusory, is no different from sensation or thought, and as thought is a tricky thing which pretends to not be thought! Leo and some others have hinted at how there is real direct experience from consciousness work that is definitely not thought and is definitely infinite and nothingness and god and enlightenment. and IDK I feel as if I have had tastes of this what they speak of so I'm not saying this from ignorance please but - inherently experience itself is illusory. In fact I say, as long as we are conscious at all, we prove that we are not nondual. well, yes nonduality is the true existence - but we as a "local experience" of existence are inherently dual, only dual, and cannot Truly be nondual in our consciousness. Naturally - the monk dedicating their life to experience as close to nondual infinity, to god as they can possibly get - that is valid and honorable and kudos to any who dedicate their life to it. But There is no such thing as inauthenticity, as low consciousness, or anything similar. If this local experience I call me acts in a "low consciousness" way, that IS authentic. And mindfulness work is only at its basic form - focusing on increasing our internal experience to be more present, and on transcending illusions. Farming the field before, farming the field after. If I understand the goals of nonduality, consiousness, and ETC and work to encorporate the teachings as they apply to my local illusory life, Then I am self-actualizing just as much as the sage in the monastery. If I go it my path, I inherently am doing it authentically. to be "more authentic" is an illusion itself. Is there any counter argument to this?

Applying awareness shines living light on nothingness and creates a moment of living perfection out of sheer non-existence, the now. We will reap what we sow, this is how reality works. If you spit against the wind, you are not in an advantageous position. . Let's save the bees. The Enlightened Master Bee: You think I am this body made of honey? You insult me! I am not this. I am consciousness. I am conscious awareness. Come and see for yourself. Enter this world of wonder and don’t stop until you’ve reached the esteemed destination of Nirvana. Also known as Alive Beingness. Nirvana/Love is not simply a place, buzz Nirvana/Love is not simply an event, buzz Nirvana/Love is a feeling. buzz Nirvana/Love is the feeling of I am: Alive Existence. buzz Release the shell, don't hold it in no more. Pour out your soul, buzz buzz, for me to see. to make it whole. Be and be and be and bee. Don't hide behind the mask, just let it all go out and be. Buzzbuzz, buzzbuzz, buzzbuzz, buzzbuzz A feeling of alive peace and alive quite buzzz, behind every noise and happening. A peaceful pieace of existence. The aliveness of being present in the alive present moment. The now, as the humans call it. There’s nothing to do. There’s just being to be “beinged”. You are that presence, you are where the light touches and your core is so deep it reaches the center of the entire existence, because it is you. Buzz buzz! Henry the disciple bee: Oh WOW, I am aware of this yes. buzzbuzz I feel I am this alive being. buzzbuzz. buzzbuzz. buzzbuzz It feels. buzzbuzz. buzzbuzz. buzzbuzz Nice! Actually. buzzbuzz. buzzbuzz. buzzbuzz I can see what you mean. buzzbuzz Isn't it wonderful how Nirvana is just no steps away? Not 2 steps, not even 1 step. buzzbuzz No steps. buzzbuzz I get it now. buzzbuzz Wow. buzzbuzz This is so simple, thanks, my master. buzzbuzz I don't need to take steps to know that I am! You are the best at explaining the Truth to a simple mind like mine! I am a lowly disciple. buzzbuzz I have been graced by the glory of being showed a direct realisation of being. buzzbuzz Omg, I am actually a master of being, because I have been always! Wow such unity, such clarity. buzzbuzz It cannot be described. buzzbuzz I have to share this with everyone. buzzbuzz They need to feel the joy I am feeling! Alive being IS Nirvana, thank you Enlightened Master for letting me in on the little secret of Life. buzzbuzz The little big secret. buzzbuzz That is nothing and everything THank you so so soso so so sos so Much. buzzbuzz Disciple #2: Wont you two be quiet I am trying to meditate in order to reach the state of no mind and reach the true Nirvana, where thought can no longer harass me and just let me be ;( ;( I CRI EVERTYM I wanna be free, I wanna be liberated!!!! I want peace and quiet and you two won't shut up about your Nirvana realisations. buzzbuzz. buzzbuzz. buzzbuzz WAIT I WANT THAT TOO, WAIT I UNDERSTAND TOO NOW. buzzbuzz OMG THIS IS IT! I AM OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! BUZZZZZZZZZZ I AM PEACE AND QUIET ITSELF I AM CONSCIOUSNESS, THE SCREEN BEHIND ALL THE PAINT. buzzbuzz OMG THANK YOU O ENLIGHTENED MASTER OF ENLIGHTENING ME TOO. buzzbuzz OMG THE POWER OF YOUR YELLOW BEE SHINE HAS MADE A DENT IN MY MIND AND LET THE ENERGY FLOW. buzzbuzz Enlightened Master Bee: Look at the buzz, it's everywhere. It's silence. buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. The present moment can be both the most silent and the most loud. Buzz, Buzz, Buzz!!! Hahahahahhah

Thanks, This got me thinking.. One of the strangest things about Dimethyltrytamine that i have encountered is every time you go back, you remember how everything you have done in life has led up until that point to going back there, from every breath, to even the smallest of choices or thoughts, even the ant that walked by that you weren't aware of all has meaning, all has some part in the play that led up until that moment, its all understood in a divine way but at the same time empty like everything is there, infinite in nothingness... No matter what you try to do to manipulate, once you get to that state you just know that is was already set to happen beforehand it blows my mind everytime..

Whenever I meditate at some point in the meditation I try to experience nothingness. But what I repeatedly find is that I experience only the nothingness within my body outline. I've done a few self enquiries before and what I've found is that I can't locate myself within the body and I think I've almost no problem with the fact that I'm not my body or any kind of thing inside it. That nothingness that I feel when I try to experience nothingness, is it real or am I deluding myself after hearing Leo talk that I'm nothing ? Today while meditating I again tried to experience nothingness and then this thought occurred - "I right now only experience the nothingness inside me, then my goal is to somehow also experience the nothingness outside". So my second question is, am I aiming towards the right direction ? Or am I thinking too much and should I just strictly stick with the technique of the meditation ?

I don't think the meditation (the appropriate word for the practice that I do is kriya) that I do involves doing nothing. Its a 3 part technique and in the first part of it I'm supposed to have a mild focus between the eyebrows while taking in the thought "I'm not the body" with inhalation and "I'm not even the mind" with exhalation. So when I take in those thoughts, at some point I try to feel into it and try to experience something beyond the mind and the body but it seems everytime I try I can't experience anything beyond the mind. So I think this is what Leo said that I need to repeatedly fail in this attempt so that my mind finally gives up. Maybe this isn't what you call meditation but I thought I'll try this out. I'm just starting to get into a routine, before that I was just doing meditation whenever I feel to. I actually put this kriya in the routine before my planned date. Maybe on the planned date I'll add a normal meditation probably the do nothing technique. Besides this, I also recently started doing something called the Stop technique in which suddenly during the middle of the day I suddenly stop doing everything (even breathing) for a moment. When suddenly I stop it said that the mind also stops for a moment and I try to notice it. Again here I noticed that feeling of nothingness within my body.

Contemplation question for grasping Nothingness: Who wants to know?

I've never got this point, maybe you can help me! I get how nothingness can be known in its pure form. Rupert Spira put it like this: "it’s the sinking and sinking and sinking and sinking of the attention into its source and as the attention sinks into its source, it is, gradually in most cases, very occasionally suddenly, but gradually in most cases, divested of all the limitations that thought and feeling have superimposed on it and at some point it stands completely undressed. And attention undressed, attention divested of all limitations is pure consciousness". I've already had a taste of the process Spira is describing when I did your guided letting go meditation. So I get that if I let go of everything (and yes I know that I, the person, can't let go because I don't exist) pure awareness will remain. What I've never understood is how it's possible to be aware of nothingness merged with content! I've heard Shinzen Young and Rali say that it's like an intuitive knowing, but this doesn't really mean anything. Could you please help me understand?

Contemplation question for grasping Nothingness: Where is Leo's hair?

If Leo posted on this thread, he would have said ".... these are just the conceptualizations of your minds; go check my mindfulness videos! -have you ever gonna learn, for the god's sake guys! ...." No, sorry, not 'for the god's sake', it would be "for the recognition of the Nothingness"?

it is hard to figure out what to say. the main things of concern regarding my personal interests are that, well I am recovering from some serious skill and emotional detriments. and it is kind of confusing why it is taking so long to recover, yet I keep discovering new ways to grow myself... these past few months the majority of my effort has been on my physical health, I could not sit or lay down without pain, but now I am healthier again. Unfortunately the habits I was working on backslided. but so far my backsliding when it happens - each time where it falls too is slightly ahead of where last I backslid too. So this is not the main concern - the main concern instead is, on strategic stuff. I watch the strategic video a few times, should watch it again too. But it is not quite targetting what I am worried over - and the pillars are kind of abstract too - idk. the thing that is hard is IDK what exactly to say, that I am trying to work on. There is this thing sometimes discussed in phsychology called executive fuctioning, and that is what I cannot do, but it seems in my observation that the root cause of my struggle with it is unusual compared to teh typical cases discussed. some thing I know I am lacking are, focus and sustained application of tasks. Focus also in the way where I can't sort out my ideas into a straightforward plan. Certainly my physical condition held me back too - could not work very long before being tired - but that is not a concern as it is improving. I mean it is a concern but not one I'm sturggling with, one I'm overcoming. focus is the one key I need to work out. and generally - meditation targets a certain different type of focus if that makes sense? I should really spend time figuring my own method of meditation which better targets this type of focus - meditation targets staying with one thing on mind, and generally I am already working towards that - but the "focus" that I am struggling with is Decision Making. That I get locked in circular thinking trying to make a decision. This is similar in a way, but when I am mindful it is easy to maintain focus tho it occasionally gets disrupted. but when I am deciding, I can't stay focused. everything is important. In a way it will help as I get better at handling the big picture and the small picture and swapping between those, but I feel like there's something about it that I can't put my finger on that isn't working well. The other thing regarding my current struggles that I've identified but unsure how to approach is, self-efficacy, I think the word is. Anticipating accurately what exactly you can do. Generally speaking I trust that in being aware of it over time I will get better at it, but it would be convenient to have some outside inspiration boosting my ideas regarding this - giving me a boost as I try to figure it out. and certainly, not being focused makes my growth in general harder, as I keep switching between goals between weeks. maintaining a stable output despite lower periods of my week is also one thing I am wondering about. I know you mentioned in one video about cycles being natural, tho you were talking about a yearly scale. In terms of big picture right now I'm working on my monthly big picture. but one thing I realize is that even when in a lower cycle, you don't need to just sleep all day and be mopey - there are activities you can do when feeling worn out or extra unmotivated, and so I try to do them. And another thing on my mind, not really a concern but just the last of my major current focuses. is mindful activity, over sedimentary meditation. I would really enjoy a video about that lol - or alternatively, a video about how to discover and develop your own strategies of meditation. later in life I will take on more regular meditation habits, but the life I'm pursuing is one of accepting the dual illusions as important for the locality of our human existence if this makes sense? I am unsure about this as you generally am interest in being monk-like and hugely push pursuit of enlightenment above all else, but I am instead pursuing a mixed approach. I am not sure if this analogy will hold well for you as it has meaning for me, but I've noticed in many things - and this is especially apparent in the simplified "test environment" of games - that often there are strategies in the game to increase your resource increase. um, to invest in investing itself, rather than just putting X cost into growth, you put some of it into having more growth capable. And - in the limited scale of a game - if you put in too much investment into growth, you fall behind anyway because others just produce the whole time. but otherwise, investing in growth is clearly superior. And so in regards to consiousness - my view and maybe you feel this is a poor view idk lol and tbh I won't be swayed by your rebutal regarding this - you've given plenty in your videos already - but the sage's path is investing more into the growth of consiousness than what I feel is healthy for me to do now. Maybe sometime later in life - perhaps soon perhaps never - I will. but right now, I Need to get a stable footing - to get myself self-reliant instead of dependant on the givings of relatives. And this involves a lot of personal growth - so I need to focus on applicative doings much much more than sedimentary thinkings. So the consiousnness work I focus on is in the moment- mindfulness while I am doing an activity of some kind - and only as much focus on that practice as I can afford. oh that reminds me - one thing I wonder about is how you put down multitasking. I think tho that you speak of a specific scale and I do not speak of that scale. but I do know that I do multitask too much - however it is funny because, we cannot live without multitasking. Our heart beats, our lungs breath, our eyes see. this is multitasking. mindfulness is multitasking - increasing it is opening up more "channels" or "levels" of awareness. IDK. I do not wish to speak of this much as my language to describe my thinking is not developed herein - and likewise, my thoughts are still overall abstract and intuitive, without detailed form, so I cannot even hold them still in a way which -- oh, IDK how to say this. So I will say - I wonder about awareness. In my experience awareness IS thought. I do of course understand that5 choosing labels to mean certain things is important for the health of discourse - so clarifying awareness as seperate from thinking is important in transcending the traps of thinking. However all my life - my thoughts were without words - it was about 8 or 9 years ago now, when I started to work to train myself to be able to read and listen more reliably, and to converse and write with better clarity - and that led to me developing my thoughts such that they did include thinking. I do also not even have imagery in my mind when I think - the only visual I get is when my eyes are open and I am watching the events around me. (or, weirdly, when I dream) but instead my thoughts have always been just in the form of abstraction, of concepts, of awareness, tho I am not confident that in that way the awareness I have is the same precise label that you have. I wish I could have an extensive conversation with you or someone who has spent years working on awareness, regarding the difference or potential similarity between thought. But I notice that when I focus on being mindful of things - that the original form of thought I used to only think in becomes more present. tho of course - the original thought in my life, was not entirely the same as awareness - I was unaware too. it is very hard to discuss this. I have tried many times to speak of how I think with others, and always it is challenging to communicate. But I feel pretty confident that there is no real difference between sensation, thought, "sensation thought" being language/pictures/sound in your mind as you think/recal/predict, and awareness. at their root they are all the same thing - tho of course, in their complexity they differ greatly. Another thing on my mind is the imperative of community over individuality. sorry I need to over explain this to get to my point of concern. naturally this is not the marxist movement that - IDK if you follow him at all - Jordan Peterson is worried over - it is not to say that we should sacrifice individuality for the sake of making everyone equal lol no it is not that. It is complex to write out sorry - but it is like, the first idea to hold is the idea that selfishness is the best way to find selflessness - that to focus on your own needs, wants, desires is the best way to make the community strong - by focusing on the self first, you change your self, and this is one step towards changing the world lol. it is have lighthearted but the point is serious - the point being that the community is composed of individuals behaving as individuals, and it is healthiest when that is encouraged. however - it gets harmed if it goes to far - if the individuals treat each other as competition, commodity, or disposable pieces. Because - this is forgetting the very real fact that Other people can help us pursue our goals. And - other people want our goals too. and - the goals of other people coming into fruition help us in all the ways which we sacrifice goals for the sake of our interests - if everyone specializes, we need each other to make up for the skills we neglect. So - to harm or discard or step on others defeats this reality of communal growth. The second idea to hold in this line is - the nonduality/duality discussion - that the language I use to approach conceptualizing what the infinite, nondual, reality is - is localization of measurement. that the quickest way for me right now to begin to see infinity - and it is definitely still I am a novice in really seeing that infinity, but I often feel as if I get glimpses of it - or of nothingness - they are the same - is to think of how if you zoom out enough all the details fade away into a blurr and eventually it is just - uniformity. nothingess. but on the flip side if you zoom in enough - then there is nothing to see, nothingness. and so it is like math, graph, stuff - how everything is made of dimensionless nothingness, and yet with infinite of that you get something. So - we live in a localized world - the measurements we make are important because we are on this localized level of existence. This is where I bring back the community discussion - The self when surpassed you see that the self is whatever you localize your view onto, whatever you choose to measure as the self - that is what the self is. So if you measure your body then it is your body. if you measure your awareness than it is your awareness. If you measure all your posessions and your home and car, than those things are you. Or - if you measure your community, or the global world, or the global ecosystem, or the solar system than that is what self you are. and so to the concern - the concern is that I see many people and IDK if you are one of them or if in the inexperience of your viewers combined with your word choice your insight is not apparant - but valuing community is the self too. Sacrificing community to become a monk is a dangerous trap in this way - The community could work towards enlightenment - and it is a more challenging self actualization, to have a community self actualization. but much like there is an intuition which guides us as we self actualize on the individual measurement- the individual is that intuition which can guide whatever network that individual directly impacts - and the growth of that network's consiousness influences the growth of the community as a whole - and the community's growth influences the whole world. We could self actualize the world. the world is a self! I am sorry if my discussion does not well encapture the idea on my mind in this regard, and really. it is not a concern I can currently work towards, as I need to stabilizing this individual I call "me" . lol. Then the other concern in a similar line is - oh, I covered it already. not very well, but enough. so let me summarize now. there are four main points I concern over. 2 are more impactful for my individual pursuit in the now - and 1 is, in the now, more impactful for you to ponder if you choose to. only a dream for me to ponder. they are : - my ability to be focussed, motivated, and similar. - my application of meditation via active mindfulness over sedimentary contemplation (I do contemplate but 90% of my consiousness work is in active mindfulness) - the concern of any group or community, and especially any leader, of community over introspective work. at the localization the best thing is introspection - but once meeting a certain stage, there is potential to expend the "introspection" to be a collective effort. idk it is not well formed this idea but I feel it is important to realize. the power of a community being greater than that of an individual. it requires of course the realization that in the grand scheme of things we are nothing, but in the measurement of our community, our community is everything. Accepting the illusion as important, because if the universe is to appear one and nondual, then the illusory waves must behave as they naturally wave. I could speak a lot on this lol but I should try to keep it teaser for the sake of communication. And, I do not expect you to be swayed or not swayed it is just - obvious to me in my understanding of it, that good opportunities to spread the idea is one manner of its growth.

@Seeker_of_truth Yea that is a bit of a wrong approach to take. I made the same mistake for a time than just by chance of it's own doing something happened one day. But it's not going to happen purposely trying so that you can experience it for yourself. It doesn't work that way. You have to completely dissolve what is you first. Than what remains is nothingness. Which is nothing. But an amazing nothing. Never "try". That is too much "you". Too much effort. Too much desire. Too much ego. It only happens when you let go of everything. That's the key. But purposely trying to let go of everything, doesn't work either. Haha "You" have to become nothingness itself. No content. No desire.

@Seeker_of_truth Notice that you cannot experience Nothingness. Because an experience, feeling, or perception, is Somethingness. What you have is a subtle conceptualization of Nothingness -- some kind of image of it in your mind, or a feeling, or an intuition, etc -- which is actually Somethingness, not Nothingness. Also, notice, how can Nothingness be inside you? It's nothing, so it cannot be limited to physical space. Why don't you assume it's everywhere? All that said, what you're doing (trying desperately to grasp at Nothingness using the mind) isn't wrong per se. It's the essence of self-inquiry. I just want you to know ahead of time that it will never work. Mind (somethingness) cannot grasp Nothingness, ever! Because somethingness is not nothingness. You cannot think Nothingness. You cannot feel Nothingness. You cannot conceptualize Nothingness. You cannot intuit Nothingness. Because it's not a thing. Now you might wonder, "So should I stop?" That's tricky. This is the process of self-inquiry. You're being asked to do the impossible. It takes hundreds of hours of wrestling with this problem until your mind starts to learn why it can't grasp Nothingness, and then eventually your mind starts to shut up, and actual Nothingness might dawn. Whatever you presently imagine Nothingness to be, it is surely NOT that! I suggest you keep looking into this matter. Keep wrestling with it. You need to grasp what I'm saying here at a bones-deep level. It's not enough to theoretically know it. You need to experience the futility of the mind for yourself. And the only way to do that is by spinning your wheels a lot in this process. Have patience.

In doing personal development I experienced 2 mindblows caused by inquiry into two default positions at the same time and realizing that they can't be the case at the same time. The default positions (or models of reality) that I talk about here are what you feel deep inside is reality, not what you believe logically. The mindblow is supposed to weaken them a little by showing their conflict in your intuition. Here's how I got them and how you might too, if you follow the instructions : (the bold text is what you need to do, the other text is explaining) 1. conflict of 3D UNIVERSE and BELIEVING IN EXISTENCE OF OTHER PEOPLES REALITY Think about this: There is my reality, which I’m now seeing. If at the same time there is someone else’s reality, then where is it? (literally where in the 3D universe is it right now?) What you should arrive at: If you think of the world as the big 3D place and at the same time believe in others' reality existing, then focusing on others' reality should suddenly bring out the question: where is it. 2. conflict of 3D UNIVERSE and WHAT YOU SEE WITH YOUR EYES IS REAL In 3D reality you can imagine an object at any place. In eyesight reality (what you see with your eyes) you can 'point' at location of any object that you see. But once that object is out of your field of view, not only do you not see it, but you can't even 'point' at its location, because where you should see it, because there is nothingness. Hold your finger in front of you. You can locate it in 3D and 'point' at it in eyesight. Now move that finger behind your head. Now you can locate it in 3D but, besides not being able to see it, can you 'point' at it's 'direction' with eyesight? (there's a drawing illustrating this exercise at the bottom) (the subtle point is in 'pointing' with your eyes, which is definitely not moving your eyes nor creating an imaginary vector; it's more like tapping it with focus) What you should arrive at: When your finger goes outside field of view, you realise that eyesight model directly exterminates possibility of 3D reality, because it's not there. Did you experience a mindblow at all? If you have simillar 'mindblows', please post them here. PS: if I'm just reinventing the wheel somehow, then please tell me

Hi, the main question I want to ask here is if depersonalisation is really a "disorder" and is to be seen as bad. As I become more and more aware of the meaninglessness of life as well as the no-self and as i found my peace with these things i realise more and more that my personality dissolves. I've become very detached from any emotions and all human traits, I'm just aware of the illusion of an entity and don't take "myself" seriously anymore. Personally, I don't see how that can be a bad thing because If you have a personality you don't really grasp the illusion of the mind that creates an entity, do you? I didn't ever even consider my depersonalisation as a bad thing until I watched "the dark side of meditation" on actualized.org yesterday where leo talked about the dark night of the soul, something that i definietly went trough, as well as depersonalisation as something you don't want to happen, even the worst thing that could ever happen to you, even though I think that these things are necessary to go through if you want to experience true nothingness which is everything there is after all. I just don't see the point in living an illusion, of living a normal human life with a personality that is just there to separate you from the "outer world". Could somebody here tell me why depersonalisation should be a bad thing if it's necessary to accept meaninglessness and makes you be in peace with reality just the way it is, without any illusions? what can it lead to in the long run that might be considered as bad? Just to note that: I ask this question out of caution of taking a wrong path in life, the "end goal" to me is being in peace with everything, and I just don't see how having a personality could help me with that. "end goal" because in the end it doesn't matter what you do in life anyways, but i don't see meaninglessness as bad, don't know how to describe it but i just don't have an opinion on it anymore, I just am, in total peace, without searching for a meaning or anything like that.

Hi guys, so this is my first post on the forum. So it seems like throughout my life I've made very few real social connections in my life. There are people that I've talked to out of convenience and for a long time I searched for people I could really connect with and form long lasting bonds with, However, even with my closer friends and relationships, they all seems to eventually fizzle out into nothingness. All of my experiences have left me in a state of half not wanting to try because the end result will be the same anyway and half wishing that I could make at least one genuine connection with someone even if only on a normal friendship level. I am very comfortable being on my own but I am very aware of the limits of trying to do everything by yourself. Though I don't want to be around people that hold me back either. Conflicting huh? lol I just wanted to know if anyone else on here have experienced this and overcome this issue somehow.

@DandaLeo also said that the brain is an idea, and fairly so. Counciousness comes from nothingness, which is in essence everything that surrounds us and us ourselves. You can't define it, it's that magical, like existence and life itself. Stop asking and you'll feel it for yourself, and the question(s) instantly disappears.

I disagree with this. Every single time you have a realization like that, you're actually out of the space of undifferentiated everything and localized back in your head differentiating and categorizing and creating separation and distance. That space, that you call nothingness is more than good and more than the limitations of absolutes and perfection. Absolutes and perfection are human concepts that imply endings and are reliant on having a contrast in order to define themselves and all of that is indistinguishable from the undifferentiated everything. However, and this is a big thing people trip up on, there is a difference between something being indistinguishable and non-existent. All these movements and actions and physical manifestations that we then create symbols for to differentiate for ourselves, still exist, but the distinctions and separations and the conditions, don't necessarily have to be applied to constrain and contain us. That is the point of gaining access to the space of undifferentiated everything. It's to gain the freedom to choose how much distance and conditions to apply and when you want to. You lose that freedom when you make the mistake of differentiating the undifferentiated everything after you've had a taste of it. When you do so you create binary separation with EXTREME distance and separation and EXTREME conditions that get in the way of undifferentiated everything's nature. A couple other points in response to your later block of text. There is a universal "evil" by the way that is recognized by more than just humans and that "evil" is the corruption of trust. Humans, animals, plants, cells, all react in a similar fashion to corrupting forces that twist and make normally healthy connections or bonds unhealthy or unsafe to initiate. I personally find the word evil to be a an overly simplistic and primitive concept, but the above is what people were trying to describe when they came up with the etymological root of that word and of course added their connotations of human personification. Secondly, up and down, left and right, are indeed a differentiation, but they are nuances of distance. Distance does indeed exist if we want it to, because it is a part of everything and it occurs every time we categorize and differentiate. It's what plays a HUGE part in the kinds of emotions we feel. You mention hot and cold and that is a perfect example of how distance works. If you go out and stick your hands in the snow for a bit and then come inside, room temperature water feels a lot hotter than it normally would. This is because the distance of contrast between your now much colder than normal hands and the room temperature water is much greater than the distance of contrast between your base level hand temperature when normally placing them under room temperature water. This is also why winning a million dollars is more exciting for a person with very little money compared to someone who is already a billionaire. It's the distance that modulates the emotion. Going from 40 degrees to 70 degrees is a much greater distance than going from 65 to 70 degrees. Going from 0 dollars to a million dollars is a greater change to a person's life then going from 1 billion dollars to 1 billion, 1 million dollars. In economics they have a concept of marginial utility which plays off this same universal principle of contrast distance. And finally, your last sentence makes that mistake I mentioned earlier that people constantly trip up on. It's not "the only reason you exist is because you say so" but instead, "the only reason you are distinguishable is because you say so". Undifferentiated everything allows itself to distinguish itself in localized zones we call human beings, but these human beings don't get to choose existence. Not in the absolute sense. Why? Because nothing is ever created or destroyed in the undifferentiated everything. Everything will always be everything. We can't make the mistake of falling back into differentiation and coming up with these extreme conditions that we then try to place on the space of undifferentiated everything.

Good questions. We are in the realm of mathematical mapping of reality on paper. 0 is the mathematical representation which points to emptiness. The numbers are the representation of things as mathematical symbols. Try the following visualisation exercise to see what I mean when I talk about emptiness. Visualise a cow. Now see the cow pop as a balloon leaving behind nothingness. That nothingness doesn't have a particular shape or size. It was also always there, it was just that the cow was appearing on top of it and not allowing it to be recognised, because the cow is standing out. Doesn't this sound familiar? Khm.. Khm... Ego.. Khm... Khm.. Now you can do this exercise with ordinary objects you see too. See that TV? Now imagine it pops, leaving behind 0, *( what 0 points to). But that nothingness again doesn't have any shape and size, it seems like it has always been there, and actually if you look around, you see that this same nothingness or 0 is everywhere. It's just hiding behind all the objects / numbers in your perception. These objects include inner phenomena.

Ofcourse hehe, 0 is a label pointing to emptiness, I think we should be pass explaining that point. I cant show you pure nothingness in a post, but I can talk about it. Why don't you have a problem with dots, lines and planes, since they are also not the label? Also every word ever spoken lol... Actually, considering thay everything is emptiness, this post including all labels in it, even those that arent the label 0 are the emptiness itself so there! I did put emptiness on a post for you after all, you just are not seeing it as a 3d entity, just like you arent seeing dots, lines and planes.

When full awakening has become established then it never leaves you, it is always there; just like your shadow it follows you. Then you have become an individual. Then the individuality has also to be lost. Become one from many and then become zero from one. This is the whole mathematics of spirituality -- from many to one and from one to nothingness. One has become the rest. Ordinarily, when you are a person, you are in tremendous unrest. Restlessness is what you are. When you come to full awakening you have become very, very restful. You are and you are rested, deeply rested. In enlightenment you have disappeared, there is only rest, nobody resting... eternal rest. Full awakening you can feel for the first time what enlightenment can mean. The first taste, or the first distinct perfume of enlightenment, comes through full awakening. So full awakening is helpful; but anything that is helpful can be a hindrance if you cling to it and you feel that it is everything. full awakening has a bliss that can fool you; it has a bliss of its own. Because you have not known enlightenment, this is the ultimate that comes to you, and you cling to it. But if you cling to it, you can change that which was helpful, that which was friendly, into something that becomes a barrier and an enemy. So one must be aware of the possible danger of full awakening. If you are aware of this, then the experience of full awakening will be helpful.

@Brivido You are the body, but the true nature of the body is consciousness, the true nature of consciousness is no-thing-ness. So the true nature of you is fundamentally nothingness. The nature of nothingness is infinite. So we could say right now you are in a dream. Its up to you to wake up. ~ rise & shine~ After a deep enough enlightenment it will make sense & you won't be identified with your body anymore.

so between numerous role models I follow, including "our" Leo Gura and also (I recommending) Tai Lopez, there is often a message of - study. Reading, research. Certainly I'm intending to pick up a habit of this in the future, of digging into philosophy and psychology and history and physics, however that is not a now-concern... I have other focal imperatives for the nearer future. So I'm not pushing for that study habit just yet. But, I wonder, wouldn't the types of literature and discourse that Leo often criticizes as low-level consiousness, not be necessarily bad? I'm trying to go through my (so to speak:) "spiritual" work through a pragmatic approach of in-the-action mindfulness, rather than one of solemn meditation - I have been in my life spending "too much" time reflecting or daydreaming or gaming, and instead not-doing, so one of my main current priorities is to focus on being pragmatic whenever I have the capacity to be focused and with healthy pose of body (my body atrophy and subsequent weakness from my 3 years of depression), and when my body and/or my mind is not up to that task, I'm more often than not making sure to rest in some way, even to the point that I allow my mind to return into "sleep". this leaves no room for meditation or for direct study. So my idea is - I could be reading fantasy books, watching non-documentary movies. It really is OK. For two reasons - as I move forward in my mindfulness work, I cannot just suddenly be mindful all the time - so neurotically criticizing my consumption of so-called low-consciousness content is silly! just watch it/read it, no big deal. But Also, the thing that I'm very aware of - which Leo and most other role models too, either are unaware of or neglect to emphasize or even mention - is the reality that all experiences in life are just as meaningful in inspiration, worth, good, etc. - as anything else. Well, we sort of do talk about this - but the more precise nature I'm referring to is how: Even a child with no experience, we learn from; Even an addict with full-scale neurosis, we learn from; And even from the addictive medias - we learn from them too. So in this way - when working on mindfulness - consumption of "low consciousness media" has a twofold direct usefulness in our pursuit of transcending our low level of awareness - The first being that it is a good way to practice being mindful of our addictive nature - just because we have these addiction sensations and drive doesn't mean we must avoid that activity, altho being mindful of the self is possible in such moments certainly hard - in that it gives us practice of allowing our awareness to falter and yet still return; and when we can keep ongoing consciousness more powerfully, we can increase that strength. The second being - that with mindful attention to the movie etc for the focus of finding inspiration, with enough practice (and I have a whole life's worth for this specific skill) we will actually discover that literally all things inspire our growth of ideas. Of course, in that, I bank on the strategy that being the monkeys we are is in fact the authentic "self" that we are - tho we can transcend that self with increased awareness, despite the infinity and the nothingness and the nonduality that existences is, in contrast to that absolute existence our "local" existence remains to factually be one of sensation and duality. We may be struck by delusion, but to deny that delusion blindly would in fact be denying the nonduality itself! disclaimer - this has been a discussion of thought from my current perspective. I do not claim any of it to be true or useful for you, and certainly none of it is True being. but these ideas are true and useful for me any thoughts, responses, reflections, piggybacking, all encouraged thanks for reading.

There is always this question comes to my mind that if our life end up as nothingness as Leo says so why do we have to care much to do everything perfectly and to achieve most of our goal! So my point is in here that if we go towards nothingness then there would be no point to remember anything no matter what we do in this life, no matter if we have long or short life, happy or unhappy as it will all go to nothingness. However its different for religious people since they believe for another life afterwards.