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This is from a habit of negative self talk. And there is nothing you need to understand. Stop insisting there is, or pull it together and do some research, or write down how you’re feeling, so you can see it and make sense of it. That’s the easy & efficient way. Don’t be stubborn. Unstick and go write down how you’re feeling. Thoughts have no power at all. It only seems like the thoughts are the trouble. The actual trouble is misunderstanding the sensation you call “anxiety”. What’s actually going on is the nothingness you keep blaming is loving the shit out of you. Your thought about nothingness is not actual nothingness. Actual nothingness is Love. It is You. But you insist on ignoring the sensation, and thinking. Making the sensation out to be the bad guy, the cause of your troubles. It just isn’t. This is what Freud called “Smarty Pants Insistence”. He discovered the cure for this is to repeat “I don’t know” a few times, or until you feel the relief. That heart you mentioned, which is beating inexplicably, “freaking you out” - that’s big love beating that heart. The higher self. You’re up in your head, thinking. You’re supposed to meet big love in the middle, at the heart. You do this by taking that unconscious breathing (big love is doing right now too)...and meeting there - conscious breathing, from your stomach, deep and slow. Let the focus, the attention, of awareness sink down, from the thinking, to the heart...by breathing slowly and deeply from your stomach. I can guarantee you big love is already there waiting for you. Just relax and meet at the heart. Let it be that simple. Whatever you mean or are worried about with regards to “real”, no matter which thoughts arise - it will be the same. Look around you and notice the thoughts aren’t actually doing anything. You’re fine. Everything in the room is fine. Regardless of what you think. If you let it be humbling enough, that might even strike you as funny soon.

The urge to figure out who experiences this, following it and getting a feeling of unexplainable nothingness is making me sick. Like seriously. Yes I can let it go, but still I KNOW, it can always come back again and will make life bad no matter how good I feel without this feeling, it will always feel "worse" than awakening feeling "good". Shouldn't awakening kind of be "logical", making me automatically satisfied? No it is just leaving me brainless, selfless, wanting to jump out of the window more than ever. I would prefer everything than feeling and thinking like I am doing right now. No, like I have felt the last 1,5 years, there is no "I" experiencing, creating a self, recapitulating those years just DOES NOT make sense in my head. There is no past me, no future me, not even a present me. I am overwhelmed, thrown into this world, into this moment, feeling like I am zooming out, going out of this body any moment soon, dissociating, seeing my hands typing this, reidentifying with them, being me again, thoughts come making me seperated again.....I am overwhelmed.

I was thinking recently about philosophical issues and I came up to following "paradox" (or maybe there are just some false assumptions in it): Is it true that nothigness exists? (with objections) 1. TRUE -> Nothingness must exists, because the sentence "nonexistence of nothigness" is internaly contradictory (-> nonreality) . 2. FALSE -> Nothingness implies nonexistence, so there cannot be an option that it exists (-> reality) My conclusion is that 1) there must be reality as well as nonreality, 2) following with those assumptions there was a reality before the big-bang. However I don't know if there is not any error in it. What do you think?

@Patok If you try to grasp nothingness with the mind it will forever elude you. It is everywhere and nowhere. See what I mean

the thing is it doesn’t work out because nothingness never implied nonexistence it implies only the absence of thingness. would you say space is inexistent because it’s empty? would you say chaos is inexistent because it’s logic?

You gotta look at what you're calling selfish or not at first. This type of statement shows lack of scrutiny. Each and every act we do, however altruistic they are, are 100% for our own sake aka totally selfish acts. Acknowledge that first. You think helping the world is an unselfish act, but you'll go mad if you don't pursue this project. You are doing this so called unselfish act to stay sane. So whose agenda are you fulfilling? There is no shame in acknowledging that. Actually it is more aligned with Reality of non-dual Self. There is no other to help or to work for. Seeing and acknowledging this will already bring you more clarity and decrease the false pretense and our habitual lying. I read in a book that Abraham Lincoln once saved a little pig from a hole. From doing that, his hands, clothes and shoes got dirty. People asked him why he did such a petty, insignificant thing in spite of being the president. He replied that he didn't do it for the pig. He did it for himself as he couldn't bear the sight of the little pig struggling. He did for his own peace of mind. This is actually what the state of affairs is. All that being said, are you somehow guilty of still having desire to help the world? Where did these limiting beliefs come from? Just because you blasted into nothingness, is there any rule set in stone that you can't have natural inclinations to do certain things? Please don't think you've failed somehow because you have desires. Go fulfill those desires, go out and help the world. See if that deep insatiable lack you feel right now gets fulfilled or not. If it does, then great! If not, then you can think about alternatives

I watch his video about 5 years, then I realized there is a huge work I need to improve. The stage where I am on. I think is about video on 2014-2015, now. People on the different stage meanwhile all people catch up his video every sunday. its like I still study 1+1, but I watch the final exam video. then its more confused me. I personally think my problem is very common and everyday stuff. If I have same question as you ask, I would start to do what I have to do right now (I mean boring stuff). Boring? then seek fun, then seek stable, then seek peaceful, then seek nothingness. For me, its process.

@yangmilun Thanks for the long response. I appreciate your effort but I watched that video the day it came out. Basically watched all the videos posted in the last 2 years which is when they started talking about metaphysical topics rather than how to make a girl squirt and I’m still confused about many things. Still dont have this sense of relief. I’m still seeking something. Videos are good for increasing open mindedness but I’m still missing something. I’ve taken psychedelics and blasted my mind or whatever this experience is into nothingness but I still have a strong desire to help people and the planet because what the fuck else am I gonna do? Anything else is selfish from what I’ve seen. Maybe @Preetom can help with this one? Haha I don’t know. Do appreciate everyone’s help

Well I just learning this right now from Leo's video. So quick note about his content to answer your question. step by step: 1. all meaning is relative, that means meaning are invention, people create that. and people is living what they created. 2. chasing the meaning is chasing nothingness. becoz we create something from nothingness, make live meaningful. 3. people understand that, if that is right, can we say we just sit down and doing nothing? Yes, nihilism. 4. enlightened toward peaceful, to nothingness, to everything is no reason. 5. then what? no desire, no reason, so everyone is zombie or what? Nope, It's being. 6. Being, being include helping people. so no reason, people still help people. still reply you. 7. You wake up so early becoz you really wanna do your own stuff, playful and motivate. Instead of ego job. Here is his video (Just in case something I misleading or misunderstanding.) English question, What is "Being"? It's very hard to get definition of this word within enlightenment. When Leo says "Being", what kind of area he is talking about? What he try to help us? What does he highlight? Be happy? Be yourself? Be what? He says that there is no you, there is infinity. there is "It".

The Egg By: Andy Weir You were on your way home when you died. It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me. And that’s when you met me. “What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?” “You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words. “There was a… a truck and it was skidding…” “Yup,” I said. “I… I died?” “Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said. You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?” “More or less,” I said. “Are you god?” You asked. “Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.” “My kids… my wife,” you said. “What about them?” “Will they be all right?” “That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.” You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty. “Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.” “Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?” “Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.” “Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,” “All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.” You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?” “Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.” “So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.” “Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.” I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had. “You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.” “How many times have I been reincarnated, then?” “Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.” “Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?” “Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.” “Where you come from?” You said. “Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.” “Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.” “Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.” “So what’s the point of it all?” “Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?” “Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted. I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.” “You mean mankind? You want us to mature?” “No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.” “Just me? What about everyone else?” “There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.” You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…” “All you. Different incarnations of you.” “Wait. I’m everyone!?” “Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back. “I’m every human being who ever lived?” “Or who will ever live, yes.” “I’m Abraham Lincoln?” “And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added. “I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled. “And you’re the millions he killed.” “I’m Jesus?” “And you’re everyone who followed him.” You fell silent. “Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.” You thought for a long time. “Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?” “Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.” “Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?” “No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.” “So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…” “An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.” And I sent you on your way.

The feeling of Infinity and the feeling of Nothingness is the same feeling, because Infinity is so infinite that we can't even feel it. Don't believe this statement, just meditate on it

But nothingness or even apsolute nothingness is not apart from Everything. Nothingness is not actual Nothing. It exists and IS. There is no such thing as non-existence. It's all part of That or It which is Everything. Leo likes to call it God or consciousness and the sages and gurus likes to call it the Self or Brahman (God). But once you become conscious and aware of It, it doesn't matter what you call it. You are just putting labels, meaning and concept to It. And It is prior to all of that.

Nice! Next step is to not talk about it Notice how the mind re-frames what happened as "I" "experienced" "nothingness." I'm sure you're aware of this happening.

‘Everything’ is just a concept. There is only nothingness. And of course that includes that I don’t exist either. The Work of Byron Katie. I’ve been doing it for a year now, and the results are pouring through much faster than expected.

Yes, I’ve had a semi-permanent awareness for a few weeks that there is no me. But I wasn’t conscious that the whole world is nothing. I was only aware that ‘I’ is just an idea. This is the first time that the outside world collapsed into nothingness. It of course includes me not existing.

@How to be wise Excellent. If you stay with the experience, it will gradually shift from nothingness to peace and then bliss.

@How to be wise Interesting.But you said you all ready don't have the sense of me for several months. But you are saying you are experiencing nothingness for the first time. So nothingness is not you ? Or nothingness is an experience ? So who are you now ?

I'm not disagreeing with what you say. I would just argue in there being also this personal aspect of essence which is the cleaned up version of the false personality that the Fourth Way speaks of and realizing the nothingness of it. All the passions of the Enneagram within oneself transformed into the virtues on the flip side of the specific energy.

There is no static authentic self (unless you’re talking about complete Nothingness). As far as your character, yeah you’re always changing. This is why enlightenment is necessary in order to truly understand and learn how to embody true authenticity through trial and error. This is also why it’s important to apply radical ruthless honesty. All your lies, phoniness, pretending, putting on a certain image is important because it burns all of that up. I suggest you look into the following resources: Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton Practicing Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton Peter Ralston’s books Peter Ralston’s Cheng Hsin Workshop: Communication & Relationship Psychedelics God

In the ten ox analogy, this is like seeing the tracks and there is a sense the ox is near. I often listen to teachers and there is something they say that catches me, yet I just don't get it. Then my intellect may try to figure it out, which is a distraction. It's like trying to translate what they are saying, rather than just understanding it directly. For example, I felt this way when I first listened to Rupert Spira's metaphor with the movie screen. At the time, I was grounded in what he refers to as the "observer + object" stage. Yet, now he was talking about observer and object as one. I had this sense that a door was opening, yet I couldn't see on the other side. At these times, it is really important that I am in tune whether I "get it". For me, this "getting it" is embodiment. Yet when something enters that I haven't embodied, my intellect wants to conceptualize it. This has happened with common themes such as "you were never born", "form is formless" and "nothingness". When the speaker has embodied it, there is a sense about that person. For example, there are things that people like Leo and Rupert have embodied. This contrasts with my lack of embodiment. Intellectualizing about it is very unsatisfying to me. There is a desire for the real thing. The embodiment. One thing that helps me is to ask a question and let it sit without trying to figure it out. For example, I just sat with the question "What does it really mean that I "was never born""? Then one day, I find myself in a sensory deprivation tank and it was revealed to me. The question, uncertainty and seeking energy dissolved. My sense is what you write about regarding methods and techniques for insights is gaining momentum. I'm seeing more and more people seeking deeper truth. More and more people being attracted to deeper insights. I'm seeing more methods arise for insights and awakening. I think there is a shift in social consciousness from materialism to awakening and inner truth. And I think it is beautiful.

@PretentiousHuman yes. sure... but not "nothingness" not the concept / label of nothingness... what do you think of when you say nothingness? if you are thinking of something (which you likely are) then that isn't it. just a quick knowing, that what you are cannot be grasped mentally or by any word/label. the word being used here is nothingness... but it could also have been emptiness... or blankness.... or even, wioefjwioeness point is. what exactly does knowing i am nothingness do for you? you're simply reading the restaurant menu by saying/knowing i am nothingness to truly get this, you must order the item from the menu and taste it. i.e. directly experience yourself

@SoonHei That I am Nothingness?

@FoxFoxFox Can you elaborate? I don't understand what you mean by dimensions. How can something without attributes have different dimensions? Or does the way in which it is perceived divided into 12th dimensions? But the perception itself would be consciousness.. Confused. @ivankiss So it has intelligence.. I can't wrap my head around it. How can it have intelligence? How can something that is nothing and is completely void, have intelligence? Of course this brings up the problem that I don't even understand intelligence. I get stuck on one particular thing. I divide the world in my head into two conceptual categories: The void, nothingness in which everything is occuring and the forms that take place in it. (Including any phenomena like intelligence, sentience etc.). I don't yet understand how they are both the same. Exactly the part where the duality of something vs nothing collapses. Hasn't clicked yet.

@Tony 845 watch your ego being sneaky here trying not to get it's nothingness revealed. All our egos does that because it is scared of dying.

...around your neck and tug you off your cloud but I'm more than just a little curious; how you're planning to go about making your amends ...to the dead? " A Perfect Circle " So glad to see you well. Overcome and completely silent now. With heavens help you cast your demons out..." The never-ending journey comes to an end tonight. Reason is long forgotten. Yet there is one. I may not remember clearly enough, but... this journey has begun. And what begins must end. The idea must have been born at some point. That is simply the nature of ideas. They come to life - they die. They begin - they end. Perfect fucking circle. Some ideas might go unnoticed as they're fading away; dying. And some may swallow you whole as they vanish into nothingness; never to return. At times it was impossible to imagine being cool with death. Now impossible is no more. Now may bring death, yes. But death can never take now away. Even death has to die, disappear. And it will die right about now. Now contains all. Nothing can escape nothing. Detachment might also be rude. Sudden. Unexpected. Painful. Terrifying. Absolute horror. All depends on how attached one is to all. How willing to let go; fully and forever. How many strings are there still left to pull. How deeply one believed into illusion. Maya was my first love. I must've been around seven. It was love at first sight. Innocent and pure; as a special spark, recognized even by a child that has barely stepped into the world. I kid you not. Real story. Her name was actually and totally Maja and we were neighbours back in the day when I was still living in Serbia. Movement was not alien, even back then. My mother would move us around often. Until we left the country altogether. Never heard of Maja since. I guess she's telling her own story. Who knows? No one. Illusion was loved. Still is. I cannot unsee the perfection it holds. The flawless reflection. Following one closely, precisely. Everywhere, at all times. It's a true masterpiece. Would expected nothing less from God. Cut the cord and you will see no tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow never was. And even though yesterday all your troubles may have seemed so far away; now is the time to believe in yesterday no more. I had a great story going on here. Really. It was all-inclusive. Drama, romance, action, comedy, musical, fantasy. Wild dreams, passion, love, sex, spirituality, bliss, force, will, dedication, belief. Pain, struggle, suffering, loss, neglect, abuse, solitude, desperation. It's a killer story. It's a story about an abandoned six year old who desperately fell in love with music and has taken a holy vow; Never to stop until the dream came true. Ivan had nobody since forever. That too was not alien. In fact; it was a necessary part of the story. Hence Ivan's struggle to deal with and express his pain. His thoughts, his feelings. His mind, his heart. All Ivan ever wanted was to pour it all out onto the world. All through melodies and rhythm. Music was love unlike any other. Awareness identified with music more than it did with the characters, or the story. Awareness got attached to the beauty of sound, badly. Awareness never really believed it was human. Something has always been "off". Smelling funny. But awareness paid no attention to things that seemed off. It was way too occupied with dreaming the dream. Exploring and expressing itself through young Ivan, who knew exactly what his mission was. His calling. His purpose. The co-operation was beautiful, beyond any description. Brings tears to the eyes. Eyes that are dead. Young Ivan was always somehow, kinda aware of awareness. But he was way too immersed in practicing on his instrument of choice; day and night. Talk about willpower. Attachment to parents and relatives never even had the chance to develop itself. There just was nobody around. All there ever was, was a massive hole. A black one. A void. Emptiness. A sense of missing something big. No real sense of home. Music slowly but surely filled the void though. Healed the wounds. Showed direction. Navigated. Gave meaning. Inspired Ivan to be, to persist, to continue, to live, to dream. All until the dream was starting to become real enough. Ivan pushed as far as he could go. The guy is phenomenal. Absolutely amazing. I love him dearly. I always will. Ironically, as the dream started to become real, it simultaneously started falling appart. Slowly but surely. Fast and rude. Out of nowhere. Yet somehow it was ever-expected. Awareness took over completely. Even music had to go. No thing was left for Ivan to hold onto it. All turned to sand as he was desperately trying to get a grip. The story became too heavy to carry around. Nothingness asks no questions. Makes no exceptions. Interprets no difference. All must go. And all goes now, as the night turns into day. I know the pieces fit, because I watched them fall away. Countdown to nothing. No thing can follow into nothingness. What once was built with love, dedication, will and care - now is being destroyed, erased. Intentionally. On purpose. Total deconstruction is necessary and obviously relevant. Resonance is higher than ever. No one really knows the reason why. No one is in charge. It's the only possible way. May as well be called destiny. The prophecy has been fulfilled. Reconstruction will always be a possibility. Imagination will not seize to be. But now the story must go, completely. Death comes for all, indeed. Resistance is no more. Your halo is slipping down; to choke you now. As much as I would like to take credit for all or any of this, I cannot. I cannot unsee nothing. Nothing was ever behind my actions, thoughts, visions, dreams. It was nothing all along. Nothing will carry on now. It may have been all for The Dream... But death has come knocking on the door, claiming it's own. Declaring the end of the journey. It may seem like it's way too early... Yet one cannot deny divine timing and it's perfection. I have to let death pass through now. It's the only way to transcendence. To wake up fully. Freedom is. Love is. Abundance is. Creation will still be. Co-creation will still be. No one knows about it. No one will create nothing, forever. " Recall the deeds as if they're all someone else's atrocious stories... Now you stand reborn before us all, so glad to see you well... And not to pull your halo down, around your neck and tug you to the ground... But I'm more than just a little curious; how you're planning to go about making your amends ...to the dead? " [ this topic was inspired by APC's outstandingly amazing track; " the noose". You should go enjoy the crap out of it ] ; Goodbye Ivan.