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It’s not just western. Russia for example has a very high suicide rate even among young females i think. And not just attempts but success. And many European countries are very safe and have very low school/shootings/killings etc.

@Ishanga @Breakingthewall glad you guys agree . The only caveat I would say is that unfortunately one has to learn this the hard way . They have to fuck up and try hedonistic desires before they realize that that whole approach just doesnt work .they certainly need to awaken to this. im very happy that im happy ..its like im drowning in an infinite sea of love that will melt me. I asked before Some people on reddit who think that happiness is derived from material factors such as wealth... But if it is so..then why do we hear celebrities and wealthy businessmen committing suicide? Because money does not bring happiness. .but up to a certain point beyond which it has no significance. If you are a fortune 500 CEO.. a lottery of $1,000,000 will not amount to much increase in your happiness. The reason I made this thread is because achieving everything that we desire in hope that that's whats gonna lead to happiness is the way 99% of ppl approach happiness.. and not by going inward and find inner peace. Because the classical spiritual teachings in almost all spiritual traditions is Realizing that happiness is totally an inside job (so to speak) and happiness does not depend on anything outside yourself. You need to cease creating miseries and unhappiness for yourself (also an inside job) and find the spring of causeless happiness within. But the first step to true happiness is realizing it is an internal thing (within you) and not an external thing (outside and around you). Otherwise..you are always looking in the wrong places for it (. in the world and not within yourself. 🙏

"I like myself as a person" but "I hate being alive in this human life"... How about we get clearer on what it is that you hate, which is weaving your never-ending suffering. 1) Reality in front of you, experience --> No. I'm certain you don't give a fuck about what is actually happening - speaking from experience. All suffering is spun in the mind and it is always referring TO the mind. Your feelings are never actually referring to reality (good to contemplate). 2) A general idea of yourself as a person --> No. Alright. Ideas and fantasies are cool, but what about actual you? 3) A general idea of God --> No. Okay. What about actual God? 4) "This human life with its immense suffering" --> Supposedly this. But what is this actually referring to? I guarantee it's not reality/experience - again, if you observe you can notice that you're never actually hating reality which is real life. You're hating YOURSELF. But what are YOU? Really think about it. What is it that you hate? You say you hate human life, but what is "human life"? What are you referring to? Is it not YOU? You're confused. You don't even realize you hate yourself. Hatred is not just hating the idea of yourself as a person. You don't hate the idea, but you hate YOURSELF! Your idea of yourself is detached from the reality of you, same as your idea of God from actual God. You like the idea, but hate the actual thing... Seriously, think about it. What do you hate? And what are you? See above. You like the idea of God as some emptiness or whatnot, but hate yourself and disregard actual God right in front of you. "I want to die so that I don't have to suffer"... Brother. You'll stop suffering once you start to want to LIVE. By hating yourself, resisting and wanting to die you are only INCREASING your sense of self. Resistance is the ultimate "fuck you" to everything and closing yourself in your shell, away from God, peace, happiness. As long as you want to die, you will be suffering. You are getting exactly what you want. You're using your intention for this. HATING YOURSELF. Decide to change your intention NOW, if you REALLY want to LIVE IN PEACE. I know it's a leap, but you can make it. As above. Your intention is bringing you exactly what is supposed to bring. You want this and you're getting it. So become clear on your intention and motivations. And then change if you want. "Immediate relief"... yeah. The time to change this attitude is now. Until you don't stop banging your head against the wall, you will be banging your head against the wall. Why not stop now, instead of after 100 more hits? The time is NOW. End your suffering NOW. THIS lifetime, not a future one. You have what it takes. Your "problem" is purely spiritual. Start NOW and you'll be better of in no time. Get clear on your intention and you'll change so fast it'll be miraculous. In fact, you'll feel the effects immediately. --- I see myself in you. I went through some dark fucked-up periods where I had no hope and was also hating EVERYTHING. I had my suicide walk to a bridge. I destroyed items from my past, all my notebooks, photos, etc.. I fantasized about stabbing myself all the time. You have a sincere heart. I believe in change. And I believe in you. #NoMoreLifetimes

Hello. I'll be blunt in hopes that this can wake you up a bit. Listen to yourself. What are you even saying? "I hate myself" and "I want to become one with God". This is LITERALLY a contradiction. Pure misunderstanding. Really see this - YOU ARE DELUDED. You do NOT want to become one with God, BECAUSE YOU HATE YOURSELF. "I fucking hate this stupid human life". No, no you don't. What you hate is yourself. You don't give a shit about life (reality), you hardly ever really look at it, you only care about you. Or, more precisely, you care about hating yourself. Stop kidding yourself that you want God. Your hatred is so great that this couldn't be further from the truth. The thing you think you want is exactly the thing you're fiercely rejecting to the point of wanting to kill yourself. You have a vague fantasy of this "God" you dream of which is just that - a fantasy. You are delusional. The actual God you are rejecting with all your might. And no tripping will help you, because you are trying to use it to escape, therefore further spinning in your resistance. I guarantee you 100% psychedelics won't help you long-term because you're going to use them with the intent of "dying", escaping yourself. Really, you SHOULD give it up. It will NOT work. And you will not really kill yourself because you want what is happening. See: That's the crux of your issue right there. You want all of this happening. On YOUR terms. Which is exactly what you're getting and why you're suffering. Nothing you try will work because you're clinging fiercely and only using everything to resist further. The more you act on that intent, the more you suffer. But you can stop. --- If you want some relief, I'd suggest contemplating what I said above. Be honest with yourself for once. Your motivations are delusional, you think you want God but you're just fooling yourself. You only want you. How about you stop trying to erase yourself? Because the more you try, the more you there is to erase. And suicide is an idiotic "solution". Do you seriously think you can "reset" your energetic system with killing yourself physically? Like, does this make sense to you? You REALLY believe this won't just happen again if you end it like that? Listen man, I get you. I really do. I was going through this shit as well. Long periods, more than once. See this for example, from barely 3 months ago: When you're honest with yourself about the truth of you and your motivations, some knots should be untied. Really, you're just completely misunderstanding yourself. And I get that. I wish you well. I recommend talking to yourself. Split yourself into two - you who hates yourself vs you who'd like to live in peace, harmony, with God. And come to an understanding through dialogue. Best written in a journal, or spoken out loud and recorded. It's fun, try it. I developed the technique on my own. The two halves should both change somehow, it's not just about changing the "bad one". Talk to yourself with patience and an intent for compromise. And if there is genuine understanding, there appears the space for genuine behaviour change. I also recommend just having the intent to live in peace. I am 100% sure you never actually wished for peace. You only wished to escape, resist suffering and fight yourself, therefore exacerbating the problem due to your intention being fucked. If you really want freedom, wish for it, out of a pure heart. Cry out for it: If this resonates, you can DM me to talk further. I'm open to you and I wish you well. Good luck. With love, Sincerity

Just like most things humans are so easily corrupted and abuse things like SD. Like some of the Neville Goddard groups on Reddit which I will not go into too much, they just want to make a quick buck out of you. And the mods will block you if what you say does not conform to their own teachings even though what you say is true. I am a pisst off at Reddit Go and FYS. I detract myself from the r/NevilleGoddard group for good. They actually downvoted me for writing this and hid what I wrote. The saddest thing is it happened. So I wrote this and it did happen. Trust me on this manifesting it;s all hogwash a lie. Can you imagine a scenario where you manifest an X back and everything you imagined turns out wrong and you get engaged just before Christmas and you come home with her and two hours later you go to bed and she has committed suicide in your bed you try to revive while calling the paramedics? She had only been gone for 5mins and paramedics tried for 4 hours to revive her but they never did. And you manifested straight from Nevil Goddard's teaching fck you and NGoddards teachings. And most of these must be kids downvoting you and others grow the fuck up. I doubt any have done psychedelics and tried to manifest in God mode. It's all bullshite all of it. They could not manifest a wet dream if they tried.. What they should do on Reddit is for a week show the ones that downvoted you then you would know who your real friends are. This is why their system is so broken it;s all about dopamine hits and Wow I got 1000 upvotes. I am so beyond that prepubescent adolescent guff.

Nazism takes root in radicalized minds, it's not that people become radicalized because they adopt Nazi ideology. I recently read a book by a former Nazi that explains this. It’s a process similar to that of terrorists and other extremist ideologies. It’s highly likely that any given Nazi, had they been born in Afghanistan, would have become a suicide bomber. The mental structure is the same, they have radicalized minds, see the world in black and white, are highly charged emotionally, and don’t stop to consider the shades of gray.

It's complicated, because there is so much of it from so many sources that I can't easily label it as one specific condition. I've suffered from deep shame and deep abandonment wounds all my life. The past 7 years I've suffered from PTSD and bad anxiety. The PTSD has morphed and shifted over time, getting worse and worse, and at this point I'm in an extremely severe state. I spend probably 3-5 hours a day stuck in anxious thought loops, and it's been like that every day for the past 7 years. I am extremely sensitive, even the slightest bit of disapproval, sense that I did something wrong or made someone not like me, it REALLY hurts and I can't stop thinking about it. I get overwhelmed easily leaving the house and going to new places. It's extremely difficult to get any work done. I don't have a job or anything so I have all day every day to work on things, an I can only get 1-2 hours of work done a day (if even that) because of constant thinking, and having such a strong need to distract myself. Every little thing in my life causes me pain. I remember in one of my ayahuasca ceremonies, I had this vision of me looking at my to do list, in such deep anxiety and suffering, only because I was stuck in an anxious thought loop over the way my to-do list was formatted - like the order that the tasks were in, etc. There is just so much tension and suffering over even the smallest things, and it's been like this day after day for 7 years The worst thing of all is that over the past year I've dealt with really bad heartbreak from a girl (we never got into a romantic relationship but I still got really attached to her). What makes it so bad is experiencing that heartbreak through the lens of all of these emotional issues I have. I got so addicted and attached to her because I needed her as an escape from my emotional pain so badly, and of course that drove her away and made her want nothing to do with me, and that heartbreak has been hell. That has been the absolute most difficult thing I've ever dealt with. I cannot get over her. It drives me insane every single day. I fucking hate that I have to be alive in a world where I have to be without her. On top of that it drives me crazy that I'm 24 and a virgin. I'm a horny guy and I wish I could have sex so badly, and it makes me feel so inferior and emasculate that I can't attract a girl. Again, experiencing that through the lens of my horrible emotional state makes it 1000% times worse/more painful. Knowing that there's guys out there that get to fuck this girl I want more than anything, but I can't, and I have to stay in my situation and suffer. On top of that I'm $30k in debt, almost bankrupt, can't work because of my condition, I'm stuck living with my mum who I do not like at all. . . Throughout these 7 years, despite how ridiculously difficult it's been, I've always felt like it was there to grow me, and so there was always a part of me that was still somewhat on board with life, despite how bad things got. But over the past year, it's gotten so bad that it doesn't feel like just a challenge anymore, it feels like pure torment and cruelty. It feels like some sick, twisted hell that is torturing me and I can't get out of it. It's gone too far. I've become so exhausted, burnt out, and sick and tired of my situation, that I absolutely despise life at this point and I have no desire to live. I do not like being alive, I don't want to be alive, I don't consent to being alive, I'm alive against my own will. I want to be dead. I don't want to participate in life, I don't want to 'play the game' of life. It's all gone too far and been too much, I'm just done with it, and I have been for a long time, but I keep living. I've felt this exact way all year. I remember saying these same things to myself during a time in May when I got really burnt out and suicidal. I barely managed to convince myself to keep going, trusting that things would eventually work out. I kept going for a few months, then got really burnt out again in August, and for the first time I attempted suicide multiple times. I came to the unfortunate realization that it's a lot harder to kill myself than I thought, especially when I'm not 100% certain I want to do it. So I eventually decided to keep going with life. Then I did ayahuasca over the past few months, things got so much better, then I lost all my results when I got home and now I'm back in the same situation. So throughout this year I REALLY have been making an effort to make things better, despite how much I don't want to keep living. The fact that nothing has changed up to this point and I still want to be dead as much as I did at the start of the year, it just makes it even more convincing to end things. I hate being alive so much and have such little desire to participate in life, that it makes me want to say: if anyone reading this wants me to keep living, then YOU do something about it. I know you'll say "take responsibility for your life and your situation, other people aren't gonna hold your hand". But that assumes that I even want to keep living or try so hard to improve my situation. I'll do what I can to improve my situation if it's not too difficult and doesn't take too long, so I'm not totally helpless, but if it's going to take years of grueling work, then forget it. It's my right as an individual to not participate in life if I don't want to. That often feels like the only sense of control I have over my situation. I don't care if it's cowardly or not right to do something like that. I just don't care anymore.

@Tristan12 I recognize that you have been in a state of mental torture for a long time. To be honest, I don't know enough about your emotional problems to help you. I would need to ask further questions. Are you willing to list as many of these emotional and mental problems as you can? How exactly are they impacting your mind and thoughts? What are the feelings and judgements you have of yourself? What are the concrete patterns you recognize in your mind when you observe yourself? Are they accompanied by life stressors like work and relationships? If you doubt your value and self worth, then I want to start by saying you are helping others and providing value weather you realize it or not. You might believe that your suffering was meaningless and is not providing value to anybody. In reality, reading your post has actually helped me. I myself suffer from many emotional problems. Sometimes I thought that psychedelics could help me and I have considered doing exactly what you did to yourself. You have shown me that I can't fix my emotional problems through these means. You have helped me to see a trap that I could have fallen into myself. Seeing as you can help others despite your deep suffering, this is proof that others would be hurt if you killed yourself. I want you to find meaning despite the hell you go through on a daily basis. May I ask you what is your life purpose and how did you discover it? How did you try to work toward it? I struggle with life purpose myself and you might be able to help me by showing me how you did it the main reason I considered psychedelics was because I thought radical states of consciousness could help me recontextualize my life, thus giving me a new perspective from which to approach life purpose. I believed that life purpose would give me the strength to accept my suffering and push through it, giving me reason to live. Meaningless suffering is what pushed me to suicidal thoughts as it has for you. I feel the need to challenge what you said here. You say that you are back in the same situation as before, but I disagree. First of all, you discovered what was possible and experienced relief although temporary. Secondly, you are now wiser to the reality of using psychedelics to fix your problems. Furthermore, seeing as you observed your mind going back to the same place, you can recognize that you are not in control of what your mind is doing at the moment. This is significant because you mentioned shame earlier and it may have something to do with the idea that you should be in better control of what your mind is doing. Your suffering is preventing you from achieving what you think you should be doing or becoming who you should become. Common in therapy is to recognize these should statements, although it is probably exhausting hearing this over and over again. I have been suffering for a long time too and from a lot of different things. I did a lot of journaling, self observation, therapy, medication, emotional mastery and so forth. I still struggle, but I did make enough progress to help others based on the wisdom I accumulated through my journey. You are on this journey too. I want you to take stock of the wisdom you accumulated along the way. I tried therapy and it wasn't as helpful as I hoped. There are many incompetent therapists unfortunately. I ended up just reading many books on emotional mastery and psychology. I had to do so much research that I ended up knowing better than these therapists and I recognized there mistakes. Most of my insights come from self observation, but I have made significant breakthroughs in research to. They have helped me recontextualize my trauma responses so I could work through them. For you, I don't know what kind of trauma You carry or struggle with. This depends on further information. I want to offer you whatever value I can. Suicide can be tempting when you seem to be stuck in meaningless and hopeless suffering. I would never wish this upon you. I don't know what you need, but at the very least I see value in you even if you don't see it. I wish you the best. Please don't kill yourself.

@Princess Arabia thank you. I know sometimes I complain about my trauma and life situation. My goal isn't merely to make people feel sorry and pity me. The reality is that I know there are people out there suffering deeply like me. I know if I killed myself, then I would be unable to help others make it through these challenges by sharing what helped me. I know deep down if I can overcome the challenges I face in life, then I can use all the wisdom I gained along the way to help countless others. I have saved people from things like suicide, an existential crisis, kidnapping, and predatory loaning before. These people would be dead if I didn't find the strength to carry on. Humanity would be hurt if I killed myself. I try to find meaning in my suffering by using it to develop deep compassion and empathy and then using my wisdom to help whoever I can. I think my life purpose has something to do with this, but first I want to love and accept myself. Once I master this, I will be able to help an unknown number of people.

Yes daddy did a good job lol but but all this is duality. You imagine that, but in reality from a non-dual point of view you are god who imagines experiencing sugarcoat. Pov : Valentin and his mom after having make fun of mentally handicapped people 😹😹 Yes. I guess there is a reason why god just not exist/suicide himself to be peaceful.

This is true from the absolute level because everything is exactly In its right place and everything is unfolding as it should and nothing is ever a mistake from God's pov . So even if you end up as a homeless broke or end up in jail or suicide yourself ...it's all OK from God's pov. But this must be realised by the ego to align itself with God's will . If someone has a big inflated ego he cannot get this .ego must surrender to Allah .

I do think the higher male suicide rate could be attributed partially to men tending to hold their emotional struggles to themselves more and not reaching out for help. That's especially true if his only connections are with brass tacks solution-oriented guys that he can't really bring up his emotional struggles with, as these guys might be at a loss of what to do with his feelings other than to try to solve them for him.

Interpersonal theory of suicide says suicide is the result of feeling like burden plus also a sense of thwarted belongingness.

I see your point. But still suicide could be something someone does because they haven’t tried all the other possible solutions

Suicide is a solution.

Are you sure men in general are more likely to seek solutions for their emotions? I read that suicide is more common for men, and one reason being they don’t seek help as much. Maybe it’s true they are more quiet about their emotions in comparison to women who share then more but I don’t think they are more likely to seek solutions to it. Venting about an emotion can also be a way to release some pressure and brain storm with your besties about the situation so it can also be a way to look for a solution

Bidens legacy despite any of the possible good he did will be overshadowed with him presiding over a plausible genocide he didn’t do anything to stop, nuclear brinkmanship with Russia - crossing red lines by green lighting ATACMS for Ukrainians to use before his departure, and giving blanket immunity to his son over a 11 year time period starting from when Ukraine shenanigans kicked off. Biden’s in the fuck it phase of his term - with no care for optics even. Pardoning potential crimes in addition to actual ones sounds more like he’s visited a confessional. This just gives Donald Trump ammunition to be like “Look, see! The games rigged and they don’t care about you” to his base. It’s like a political suicide bomb strapped to the Democratic parties chest. The right will be milking this tit harder than Piers Morgan.

Seriously? Is that how you refute solipsism? By saying there is no self in the first place which is said to be the only real self in existence? Do you really think nobody has ever brought up this objection before in the countless solipsistic debates on this forum ? And Besides..I call this intellectual suicide. There is no self ..no others ..then there is what ? Pure unbroken impersonal consciousness floating around in the middle of nowhere.....? What to make of this ?

@Razard86 interesting. Let's see where this takes us while expanding on the self worth issue. As far as I remember my issues with self love became much worse after a messed up sexual incident from when I was six and my mom accused me of molesting my sister. This was worsened by my father abandoning me and of course I blamed myself for that too. I have been trying to love myself all along but it literally felt impossible. I tried to reestablish my sense of self worth by placing really high standards on myself like sexual purity, leaving a legacy after my death, commitment to truth which ultimately brought me to actualized.org even though truth hurts me and I might not actually like it, deep intelligence and wisdom, and justifying my existence through living a higher purpose beyond things like sex and relationships. I'm not actually Christian, but I developed Christ like standards and began to self sacrifice. I viewed purpose as something that would give me the will and strength to live. I discovered I was capable of self deception when I told myself it was just nightmare and I tried to love myself by avoiding self deception and facing the truth no matter how painful, but I still felt unlovable. All I do is hurt myself even when I try to love myself. One of my therapists suggested that my self worth is wrapped up in constant self punishment leading to intense shame. And of course it wasn't just one incident, there was a lot of chaos in my childhood which eventually built up into suicidal thoughts and other problems as I got older. I'm pausing a lot as I type, sometimes wanting to cry and wanting to die. I'll keep doing my best no matter how hopeless and how much of a broken record I sound like for complaining about my problems. Most people don't want to here this stuff. Sometimes I talk about this stuff because this type of sexual trauma is not well known and discussed. I have met people carrying intense shame for child sex abuse in which they were perpetrators as children. These people are suicidal, nobody loves them or wants to hear from them, and they live their lives in constant darkness. I was the first to validate the feelings of these people because I know this kind of stuff makes You want to kill yourself and others would celebrate. I want this kind of suffering to be better known because it is a deeply taboo subject that is ignored, causing children to commit suicide. I'm actually trying to be good, but other people cannot see that. I don't allow children to suffer like this, and I protect them. I considered making a support group for people like this because this kind of support group doesn't exist. It shows too much compassion for child molesters and is thus demonized because suicide is preferred from society's point of view. Remember most child sex abuse is perpetrated by other youth, not adults. Obviously I'm not minimizing the suffering of the victim, but if ever I speak of this, it will be interpreted that way and I will appear as a devil. You mentioned that I am not in control of what I like and dislike. I thought I was. This meant that I was responsible for the problems caused by the fact that I like board games and strategy games and I would enjoy being a professional chess player. The career is impractical and it looks like I'm sabotaging my long term life so long as I don't give up and keep trying. I don't see what kind of long term life is worth living anyway. In reality chess does not give enough value to society. I actually love training kids for chess tournaments and then I watch them win. My desire to be a professional chess player and help others achieve it is seen as a fundamental problem with me because of what I like. Apparently, I'm supposed to just accept that this was never a realistic goal for me and then somehow find happiness doing something else. I find it extremely demoralizing when I'm repeatedly told I need to give up because I'm not good enough due to my life circumstances and birth iq no matter how much effort and accomplishments I have in this field. Somehow personal development is supposed to solve the fundamental problem that I like chess tournaments and teach me to be content with life by forcing myself to do something more valuable to society even if I don't enjoy it. The only way to compensate the misery this causes me is by doing something so grandiose that it would be worth sacrificing my happiness. All of these options are unobtainable and unrealistic anyway. Therefore, the end is that I'm stuck in a shitty job I hate no matter how hard I try. The problem is that I'm supposed to like something else and be passionate about something practical and then I can follow my passions. This is the reality of personal development no matter how it is marketed on the surface. All of this sounds like complete bullshit to me and I don't feel motivated at all. I don't have the energy and enthusiasm I used to have when teaching children how to win tournaments. It logically follows that if I like things that don't contribute objective value to society, then they should be discarded in favor of things I don't like. In my case, I also like videogames. Playing videogames does not contribute objective value to society even if it makes me happy like board games. If I want to build a life worth living, then I must instead force myself to read personal development books even if I don't enjoy it. This helped me to further accumulate wisdom that I used to help suicidal people when combined with deep self reflection. I therefore provided objective value to society by not doing what I liked and instead doing what I disliked. I logically understand that I am good person for saving people from suicide, but I still don't feel happy because my happiness was sacrificed a long time ago. I have done so much research on psychology that I often prove more helpful then actual therapists. There are far too many incompetent therapists and I know better than them despite their college education. Sometimes they oversimplify spiritual views they don't understand, leading to the pre trans fallacy due to their lack of interest in philosophy, probably because they thought mere philosophy has no objective value for society. Sometimes they don't take me seriously when I'm the victim of sexual harassment. I am more sensitive to how society constructs a perceived "justice" by either dismissing a person's grievances as if they are just whiney bitches because they don't want to hear it or by weaponizing accusations by making every negative assumption until any defense seems impossible in their eyes. This is the reality of what humans call "justice" and it is full of socially constructed survival games and complete bullshit. Society treated me like I was a whiney bitch for complaining about sexual harassment and the difficult social dynamics it was creating for me and my therapist didn't see this. Aside from this there are also therapists who dogmatically apply therapeutic principles without regard for individual uniqueness or they insist on tough love for trauma victims. Therapy is designed for shallow minded people, thus my intelligence will be underestimated leading to bad advice. Sometimes they try to solve my problems by getting me to date despite severe depression, of they have reasons, but they don't see the full picture. Apparently, it is hard to find a good therapist for someone with autism like me leading to all this disappointment. On the bright side I actually like studying psychology and it provides objective value for society. The actual goal of personal development and life purpose is to like and be passionate about something that is practical and provides objective value to society. I have accomplished this by studying psychology. I just do it for free instead of making money because I see this as basic human decency to support people who need help. I have been treating personal development as something that is supposed to fundamentally change who I am. Who I am is the problem so long as my dreams are impractical and unvalued because of what I like and dislike. You are suggesting that I use spirituality to love who I am. I have been trying to love myself all along. I have been trying to do this all my life. I have the proof that I am valuable and society would be worse off if I killed myself. This is what I remind myself of when I try to fight my suicidal thoughts. I still struggle to love myself despite having a ton of proof. I have a lot of automatic shame and guilt due to trauma and it leads to me having muscle spasms and instinctively beating myself up for being evil no matter how much my logical mind tells me this isn't true. I am a deeply logical person and this is pointed out by my life coaches. They think I'm not as in touch with my emotional side because I seem robotic sometimes. I actually studied a lot of books on emotional mastery and did a lot of mindfulness meditation and exercises. I am more emotionally wise than others realize. There is just a tendency to project bad faith as humans inevitably do, leading it to be impossible to be understood. In a sense I am both extremely emotional and extremely logical because I use logic to cope with extreme emotions. Do I need to be more logical or more emotional? In reality people who are suicidal might do it because they logically conclude that their life sucks and they can avoid suffering through death. Maybe I'm not emotional enough instead of logical enough. Intellectually I know I am love, but I'm still full of so much shit that I don't live my life in bliss over how awesome I am objectively. Maybe I'm not logical enough instead of emotional enough. Maybe logic and emotion is a false dichotomy. I was under the impression that true spirituality meant plugging 5meo dmt up my ass and realizing that I am God. That is what Leo would do because God is also love. I thought that spirituality would give me another chance to love myself by reconextualizing my entire life and fundamentally changing my identity. I can't be conscious enough to realize I am God because I haven't plugged 5meo dmt up my ass. This is why I struggle with love. Based on what I wrote in this short, brief, quick post, that took me three hours to write you seem to be correct that fundamentally, I want to be treated with respect, be comfortable pursuing what I love, and I want to share love with others. I think you were insightful in that regard. I will have to think about what I would tell my child or my best friend of they were in this position. If it were a child, then obviously I would make the struggles of a chess career clear, but I would be willing to support him all along the way to the best of my abilities to ensure your dream becomes a reality and you don't have to suffer all this regret from unrealized dreams on your death bed as if it is your fault for not being good enough or for being who you are. For a best friend stuck at a shitty job with a shitty family and suffering from a lot of shitty mental health issues because of very shitty trauma while feeling shitty because of unobtainable goals and Christ like standards, then I would give him a hug. I would tell him that you deserve to be loved even though you are seemingly fucked because of your shitty life. There are no easy answers, but I want to be there to support you in what ever way I can as you cling to the hope that one day your life will not be as shitty as it presently is even though your presently shitty life makes you want to kill yourself. It will not solve your problems, but love is all I can offer you. Any thoughts? Thank you so far.

@Razard86 both. Sometimes they happen passively. Sometimes they are intrusive and unwanted but I get the idea of acting on them anyway. Other times I just feel horribly depressed because I feel trapped and unable to address several complex life problems as if it is reflective of my self worth and objective value as a human being. Other times like yesterday my family brings up unresolved past conflicts in which my vulnerability was capitalized on to humiliate me while treating the situation like a joke or harmless teasing. These memories then got stuck in my head again as I became afraid of future harm like my trauma being weaponized against me along with all of the negative assumptions that would be made from the knowledge that I contacted my cousin. My protective instincts are invalidated as I constantly play 4D chess with my family trying to anticipate possible attacks. I recognize that I will be seen as the problem of I express feeling hurt, yet I will be pressured to forgive those who show no remorse and will likely cause future harm. Because of this I started feeling the desire to inflict harm on them. I recognized the kind of thoughts I was having that would obviously backfire. I looked at the person I would become and was ashamed of myself. I therefore said, fuck it, I should just kill myself to eliminate my desire to harm others. That is when I pulled out a kitchen knife and then hesitated because I didn't know which way to cut myself and considered what would happen to me after a likely failed suicide attempt. I probably should have called 988 because I was having both suicidal and homicidal thoughts, but I didn't call. Of course homicide is obviously bad because there's no way in hell I can get away with something like that rather than suicide by jumping off of a bridge in which my death prevents punishment. That is why I prefer suicide over homicide. Any therapist would try to convince my family it wasn't their fault no matter how much harm they caused me to make them feel better about themselves. That way the harm would be minimal due to these fictions and controlled narratives. Other times my suicidal thoughts are related to things like purpose, trauma, family drama, career struggles, and things of that nature along with depression, anxiety, ptsd, ocd, autism, and whatever neurological disorders I have. I protect myself from acting on these thoughts by recognizing that although my family does not see my value, I see my value and my potential to do good for humanity. This value would be lost if I killed myself and became another statistic. I have helped others in life transforming ways. If I can make it through this, then the value I provide the world will likely prevent many more suicides. I have saved others from suicide before by combining all of my research with psychology and spirituality, making me deeply insightful and wise for those struggling with these kinds of thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I can't help myself though and my problems can't be solved through more wisdom and knowledge. That might be why I start complaining about life on this forum instead. Personal development was meant to help me actualize my true value as I find new purpose. Thanks you.

The two paths to God.....mental suicide, or physical suicide. I'd suggest the mental suicide. True Deconstruction of the Ego is literally torture. It destroys your sense of control to reveal that the human vessel has been controlled by God this whole time and any control given to the ego was an allowance by God. This ego then realizes everything it ever accomplished was only by God's allowance, and realizes all issues it has with life it must take to God. It must learn to forgive itself, forgive life, and ultimately to forgive God as God is itself and how can it not love itself and accept itself. This path will deal with crazy, madness, possible psychosis and hallucinations. As you dissolve the boundary between the physical and mental to realize it is all mental you embrace what you consider evil, and even seek it out to reach greater acceptance. This is the path of the MADMAN, the CRAZY LOVER. God is a lover of Infinite Separation and Unification. WHAT MADNESS!!!! Take this for example: This was you, and this was me....look at what we did!!! Tell me God is not crazy from the egos perspective!!! Its like why would you allow this? Answer? Because God wants itself to discover true love without being forced into it. Sigh.....Since we are everything...WE DID THIS!!! Do you like your reflection?

You got it!!! Don't forget its also completely in love with itself, and has no barriers on what it is willing to create and experience. What helps me understand God more deeply is that God loves everything so much because it loves limitless creativity. This means it loves Genocide, discrimination, torture, suicide, insults, weakness, crying, despair. As a human ego coming to terms with THAT is when you really go deep. The funniest thing is when you discover even God thinks its evil. God allows all perspectives, and honors all perspectives, so when God as a human calls God a Devil God accepts that unconditionally.

Rumi is absolutely authentic. Where Rumi said that reality is nothing? Show. Do you compare Rumi whit a clown as Osho or Krishnamurti? Don't you see the difference? I think that you see, it's too obvious Krishnamurti over all is wonderful, it's a real artist of the fake. Osho is totally narcissist, very smart, maybe a genius, not maybe , a genius, but closed to the real source. He feeds of attention, is oxygen to him, and his mashamadi was just suicide with drugs , because was a man who suffered Don't be naive, the world is full of devils. Being open is not the same than being idiot 🤣

Physical pain exists .no question about it. Suffering is the story of "why me ?" .."poor little me ".."why is life such a bitch ".."why my life sucks " .etc I always say ..pain is inevitable..but suffering is optional . You can actually train yourself to not feel suffering when you feel pain . It's just a sensation .it doesn't mean anything really . Poke your skin with a needle and feel the pain but notice that it doesn't really mean you should construct a story aka suffering around this meaningless sensation. Suffering exists only in the mind .pain in the body .you can't get rid of your body (except via suicide).. but you can get rid of your mind by questioning it to death . As long as you are not totally destroyed as a mind ..there is no hope for you to escape suffering.

I don't agree with this. What you mentioned, except for depression and PTSD are physical ailments of the body. People will go through a physical ailment with more strength than a mental incapacitation. You mentioned depression; that can be caused from a feeling of loneliness. Many tines I've heard, especially men, say if they had the courage to they would kill themselves over not having a gf or an intimate partner. In fact, many probably do. The fact that it's been said indicates that it's probable that some have. Old people committing suicide is also on the rise because of loneliness. All their friends and family died off leaving them all alone. That's just one reason. I find people will fight their diseases quicker than to deal with the crippling effect of feeling lonely. That feeling usually comes after many attempts to avoid it and then the hopelessness kicks in after they've exhausted their attempts. People can still feel lonely being around others. It's because it's not the lack of others that's causing it, it's the mind's interpretation of what it's like to not feel lonely. When that's not met, people or no people will still bring on the effects.