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Modern folks tend to re-invent the wheel a lot in ignorance when it comes to psychology or spirituality. It's ironic because psychology and spirituality have been fully understood by humans since over 5000 years ago. It's very simple and it's virtually unanimous. The core problem is simple: ego The core solution is also simple: realize that ego is an illusion God is what remains when ego is realized to be an illusion. There cannot be true freedom until this is realized. God is not a set of patterns or universal laws. God is not logic. God is indiscriminate and unbounded, whereas patterns and laws and logic are limitations, facets of Absolute Infinity. This technique they share may be helpful on a practical level, but remember, there are much deeper and more profound things to discover. If we're gonna boil down reality to one thing, it should be CONSCIOUSNESS, not logic. What this video is doing is sorta making a weak version of spirituality palatable to rational-minded people who normally dismiss spirituality and religion because of its packaging. But actually these people do not understand the deep core of all religious and mystical traditions and how practical and therapeutic it is. Modern culture needs things packaged in "logic" in order for people to swallow it. Which is actually a big part of the problem because logic is a tool of the ego. The problem with trying to rationalize nonduality/reality is that it will always ultimately fail, because rationalization is conceptual in nature, and reality is beyond concepts. What would really help people watching this video is to let go of their need for logic, concepts, thinking, rationality, science, and evolution. Now that would be a really counter-intuitive move, and lead to an amazing transformation!

@ChimpBrain You're on the right track, but your thinking it still too small, and you lack deep research. Study the hell out of this field. There's so much potential here. But you're gonna have to do research. And remember to think BIG. Ask big questions like, "What does humanity need in this field?" Worm gardening? Is that really important? Or maybe humanity needs environmental education and awareness? Or an organization that promotes these concepts? Etc. Don't think of this issue as, "How can I make a living doing something Earth-friendly?" No! That's too selfish and small. Instead think of the issue as, "How can I transform how humanity relates to the Earth?" Now that would be you thinking in terms of providing VALUE to the world. And then it would only be a matter of research to discover what that WAY should be. Do research by reading dozens of books, studies, and magazines on this topic. Go to some seminars/conferences/expos. Go meet people who work in this industry. Find out where the opportunities are and why people are so unconscious when it comes the environment. Then you'll have tons of ideas for how to solve these real-world problems. A life purpose must be grounded in helping people overcome real-world challenges. That's what generates both IMPACT and MONEY. To create a career, you need to find a way to meaningfully impact others in practical ways. Then they will gladly pay you for it. What transformation do you want to see in terms of humans and environment? What change would be immensely valuable? Maybe it's saving the polar bears. Maybe it's getting people to stop littering. Maybe it's raising awareness about the threat of global warming. Maybe it's planting new rainforests. Maybe it's developing a new type of solar panel. Etc. Now find YOUR thing! The thing YOU'D really be passionate about.

Documenting more insights... I've come to sort of an understanding as far as why enlightened people describe this world as a "dream". There's really no way of distinguishing it from one and if we compare it to actual dreaming, there are striking similarities. I know that wherever it is I came from was some sort of void. I've known for some time that I more or less "faded" into existence. Sometimes when I sleep, I go periods of time without even dreaming of anything. I imagine this is the same phenomenon as the life-death cycle. What's really quite frightening is that if this is a dream world then that means "I" could very well end up anywhere else in the universe randomly upon my "death". The possibilites are limitless. I suspect that this is why Jed McKenna describes leaving the dreamscape as a foolish idea similar to exiting a submarine or spaceship. How I ended up in this realm, I don't know. Where I'll end up next is beyond me. Over the past months, I've been haunted by intense suicidal urges. Part of me still kind of wants to die but now I see that that might be pretty dumb. I started thinking more about how Japanese people have certain emotions that they can only feel when they think in that language which leads me to believe that maybe I've been tricking myself into thinking that I'm depressed. Maybe anytime I feel emotions for an extended period of time, I'm playing a trick on myself. If the language we use determines how we perceive and interpret reality that maybe emotions are as fictional as the concepts we use to identify them. Yesterday I thought I was done. Enlightened but it seems like theres still further to go. On the other hand, I've also suspected for some time that I have been enlightened since high school since thats when I gained self-awareness, shed most of my ego, began looking at life as a "movie", viewing most people as "characters" or "actors", and I also underwent a noticeable transformation. I just didn't have the knowledge with which to interpret and integrate those experiences before. Maybe that was the beginning of the death of my ego and now I'm finishing the job. The way all the gurus describe enlightenement, they say that it's completely obvious and there will be no doubt when it happens. Lots of people seem to also describe it as the dissolution of the barrier between you and the environment. I don't know if I should follow that especially since killing all Buddhas is part of the process, allegedly.

<11-21-2016> Inventions Begin With A Blueprint I've re-stumbled upon Leo's Personal Development Blueprint. It's basically Personal Development For Dummies. I don't know why Leo hasn't been promoting it more recently. Anyway, I've decided to read each entry one-by-one in order and actually learn and take action on the blueprint. I've gotten to the part about resistance and also connected it with the entries about mastery and life purpose and it really helped me to stay focused today. I'm not sure if it will last in the long term but I have to make sure that it does. Consistency and Discipline are very important for life transformation. However, it was not easy. I kept having urges to stop working and go do something easy and fun. In the end, I got a lot of creative work done and I hope to keep increasing my level of productivity throughout the week if not at least consistent. After reading what I've read so far, I think it's also best I make a Mission Statement as soon as possible. I don't know yet when I'm going to do it because I want to read more on the blueprint first before writing such an important document. When it's done, I am to read it every morning after waking up, no exceptions. That's all for today. Man, today was rough. Emotionally rough. But I did what I wanted to do today. Yippee.

The concepts in this journal are taken from the book; the Four Agreement by DON MIGUEL RUIZ. It is a such an effective book of life transformation if taken seriously. I read the book one year ago. I did practice some of its cencept, but I need to get to the next level. Domestication and the Dream of the Planet WHAT YOU ARE SEEING AND HEARING RIGHT NOW IS nothing but a dream. You are dreaming right now in this moment. You are dreaming with the brain awake. Dreaming is the main function of the mind, and the mind dreams twenty-four hours a day. It dreams when the brain is awake, and it also dreams when the brain is asleep. The difference is that when the brain is awake, there is a material frame that makes us perceive things in a linear way. When we go to sleep we do not have the frame, and the dream has the tendency to change constantly...... PRELUDE TO A NEW DREAM There are thousands of agreements you have made with yourself, with other people, with your dream of life, with God, with society, with your parents, with your spouse, with your children. But the most important agreements are the ones you made with yourself. In these agreements you tell yourself who you are, what you feel, what you believe, and how to behave. The result is what you call your personality. In these agreements you say, “This is what I am. This is what I believe. I can do certain things, and some things I cannot do. This is reality, that is fantasy; this is possible, that is impossible.” Each time you break an agreement, all the power you used to create it returns to you. If you adopt these four new agreements, they will create enough personal power for you to change the entire system of your old agreements. You need a very strong will in order to adopt The Four Agreements — but if you can begin to live your life with these agreements, the transformation in your life will be amazing. You will see the drama of hell disappear right before your very eyes. Instead of living in a dream of hell, you will be creating a new dream — your personal dream of heaven. The Four Agreements, which should be installed are the followoing: 1) Be impeccable with your word. THE FIRST AGREEMENT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE and also the most difficult one to honor. It is so important that with just this first agreement you will be able to transcend to the level of existence I call heaven on earth..... Just imagine what you can create with impeccability of the word. With the impeccability of the word you can transcend the dream of fear and live a different life. You can live in heaven in the middle of thousands of people living in hell because you are immune to that hell. You can attain the kingdom of heaven from this one agreement: Be impeccable with your word. How To Apply The Agreement: Not using the word "I will " I should try to say only positive words about myself and other people. Reality is just as it is. I have ZERO control over it. All I do is turning within and cleaning myself up. 2) Don't Take Anything Personally The deep I could meditate so far is 4 hours. I ( will) make it a habit from now on. So, four hours of SDS everyday. this wil help to expand my awareness. I believe it will help me not taking things personally and making assumption about others. THE NEXT THREE AGREEMENTS ARE REALLY BORN from the first agreement. The second agreement is don’t take anything personally. Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. Using an earlier example, if I see you on the street and I say, “Hey, you are so stupid,” without knowing you, it’s not about you; it’s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe you think to yourself, “How does he know? Is he clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am?” You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said. As soon as you agree, the poison goes through you, and you are trapped in the dream of hell. What causes you to be trapped is what we call personal importance. Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about “me.” During the period of our education, or our domestication, we learn to take everything personally. We think we are responsible for everything. Me, me, me, always me! 3) Don't Make Assumption There is just "seeing". I experienced seeing after a 3 hours od meditation. I know how it feels. So, that " state" should be permanant, all the time. Well, hopefully.. There is only "here" "now" what time is it? Now!! THE THIRD AGREEMENT IS DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking — we take it personally — then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing. All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. Take a moment to consider the truth of this statement. The whole war of control between humans is about making assumptions and taking things personally. Our whole dream of hell is based on that. 4) Always Do Your Best Do my best in the gym to get the body I want. Do my best in my social interaction. I am giong to do my best in my online marketing. I am an ABNORMALLY passionate beginner on this field. So, It is mastered for sure . Reading and updating this journal everyday. THERE IS JUST ONE MORE AGREEMENT, BUT IT’S THE one that allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits. The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three: Always do your best. Do your best to follow those four agreement. Know that your best change from time to time. You are not going to be" your best all the time, but it is ok. Breaking Old Agreements Awareness is always the first step because if you are not aware, there is nothing you can change. If you are not aware that your mind is full of wounds and emotional poison, you cannot begin to clean and heal the wounds and you will continue to suffer. There is no reason to suffer. With awareness you can rebel and say, “This is enough!” You can look for a way to heal and transform your personal dream. The dream of the planet is just a dream. It is not even real. If you go into the dream and start challenging your beliefs, you will find that most of the beliefs that guided you into the wounded mind are not even true. You will find that you suffered all those years of drama for nothing. Why? Because the belief system that was put inside your mind is based on lies. THE ART OF TRANSFORMATION: THE DREAM OF THE SECOND ATTENTION One way to change your beliefs is to focus your attention on all those agreements and beliefs, and change the agreements with yourself. In doing this you are using your attention for the second time, thus creating the dream of the second attention or the new dream. The difference is that you are no longer innocent. When you were a child this was not true; you didn’t have a choice. But you are no longer a child. Now it’s up to you to choose what to believe and what not to believe. You can choose to believe in anything, and that includes believing in yourself. The first step is to become aware of the fog that is in your mind. You must become aware that you are dreaming all the time. Only with awareness do you have the possibility of transforming your dream. If you have the awareness that the whole drama of your life is the result of what you believe, and what you believe is not real, then you can begin to change it. However, to really change your beliefs you need to focus your attention on what it is that you want to change. You have to know which agreements you want to change before you can change them. So the next step is to develop awareness of all the self-limiting, fear-based beliefs that make you unhappy. You take an inventory of all that you believe, all your agreements, and through this process you begin the transformation. The Toltecs called this the Art of Transformation, and it’s a whole mastery. You achieve the Mastery of Transformation by changing the fear-based agreements that make you suffer, and reprogramming your own mind, in your own way. One of the ways to do this is to explore and adopt alternative beliefs such as the Four Agreements. Heaven on Earth I WANT YOU TO FORGET EVERYTHING YOU HAVE learned in your whole life. This is the beginning of a new understanding, a new dream. The dream you are living is your creation. It is your perception of reality that you can change at any time. You have the power to create hell, and you have the power to create heaven. Why not dream a different dream? Why not use your mind, your imagination, and your emotions to dream heaven? PRAYER FOR FREEDOM Today, Creator of the Universe, we ask that you come to us and share with us a strong communion of love. We know that your real name is Love, that to have a communion with you means to share the same vibration, the same frequency that you are, because you are the only thing that exists in the universe. Today, help us to be like you are, to love life, to be life, to be love. Help us to love the way you love, with no conditions, no expectations, no obligations, without any judgment. Help us to love and accept ourselves without any judgment, because when we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty and we need to be punished. Help us to love everything you create unconditionally, especially other human beings, especially those who live around us — all our relatives and people whom we try so hard to love. Because when we reject them, we reject ourselves, and when we reject ourselves, we reject You. Help us to love others just the way they are with no conditions. Help us to accept them the way they are, without judgment, because if we judge them, we find them guilty, we blame them, and we have the need to punish them. Today, clean our hearts of any emotional poison that we have, free our minds from any judgment so that we can live in complete peace and complete love. Today is a very special day. Today we open our hearts to love again so that we can tell each other “I love you,” without any fear, and really mean it. Today, we offer ourselves to you. Come to us, use our voices, use our eyes, use our hands, and use our hearts to share ourselves in a communion of love with everyone. Today, Creator, help us to be just like you are. Thank you for everything that we receive this day, especially for the freedom to be who we really are. Amen. PRAYER FOR LOVE We are going to share a beautiful dream together — a dream that you will love to have all of the time. In this dream you are in the middle of a beautiful, warm sunny day. You hear the birds, the wind, and a little river. You walk toward the river. At the edge of the river is an old man in meditation, and you see that out of his head comes a beautiful light of different colors. You try not to bother him, but he notices your presence and opens his eyes. He has the kind of eyes that are full of love and a big smile. You ask him how he is able to radiate all that beautiful light. You ask him if he can teach you to do what he is doing. He replies that many, many, years ago he asked the same question of his teacher. The old man begins to tell you his story: “My teacher opened his chest and took out his heart, and he took a beautiful flame from his heart. Then he opened my chest, opened my heart, and he put that little flame inside it. He put my heart back in my chest, and as soon as my heart was inside me, I felt intense love, because the flame he put in my heart was his own love. “That flame grew in my heart and became a big, big fire — a fire that doesn’t burn, but purifies everything that it touches. And that fire touched each one of the cells of my body, and the cells of my body loved me back. I became one with my body, but my love grew even more. That fire touched every emotion of my mind, and all the emotions transformed into a strong and intense love. And I loved myself, completely and unconditionally. “But the fire kept burning and I had the need to share my love. I decided to put a little piece of my love in every tree, and the trees loved me back, and I became one with the trees, but my love did not stop, it grew more. I put a piece of love in every flower, in the grass, in the earth and they loved me back, and we became one. And my love grew more and more to love every animal in the world. They responded to my love and they loved me back, and we became one. But my love kept growing and growing. “I put a piece of my love in every crystal, in every stone in the ground, in the dirt, in the metals, and they loved me back, and I became one with the earth. And then I decided to put my love in the water, in the oceans, in the rivers, in the rain, in the snow. And they loved me back and we became one. And still my love grew more and more. I decided to give my love to the air, to the wind. I felt a strong communion with the earth, with the wind, with the oceans, with nature, and my love grew and grew. “I turned my head to the sky, to the sun, to the stars, and put a little piece of my love in every star, in the moon, in the sun, and they loved me back. And I became one with the moon and the sun and the stars, and my love kept growing and growing. And I put a little piece of my love in every human, and I became one with the whole of humanity. Wherever I go, whomever I meet, I see myself in their eyes, because I am a part of everything, because I love.” And then the old man opens his own chest, takes out his heart with that beautiful flame inside, and he puts that flame in your heart. And now that love is growing inside of you. Now you are one with the wind, with the water, with the stars, with all of nature, with all animals, and with all humans. You feel the heat and the light emanating from the flame in your heart. Out of your head shines a beautiful light of different colors. You are radiant with the glow of love and you pray: Thank you, Creator of the Universe, for the gift of life you have given me. Thank you for giving me everything that I have ever truly needed. Thank you for the opportunity to experience this beautiful body and this wonderful mind. Thank you for living inside me with all your love, with your pure and boundless spirit, with your warm and radiant light. Thank you for using my words, for using my eyes, for using my heart to share your love wherever I go. I love you just the way you are, and because I am your creation, I love myself just the way I am. Help me to keep the love and the peace in my heart and to make that love a new way of life, that I may live in love the rest of my life. Amen Who am I? I don't know who am I, and I have no problems saying so I don't have a biography whatever I thought my biography was is utturly meaningless, a waste of joy In what date I was born, in what country, I was born in what religion, I belong does not matter, a waste of time I do not follow the Quran, the bible... I do not follow any prophet or guru, again, a waste of time what matters is what I am here now..

Celibacy is not a discipline, it is a consequence. If your whole energy is needed, sex disappears automatically because you don’t have energy to waste. You put your total energy so you don’t have any energy... and it happens in ordinary life also. You can see a great painter: he forgets women completely. When he is painting there is no sex in his mind,because the whole energy is moving. You don’t have any extra energy. A great poet, a great singer, a dancer who is moving totally in his commitment, automatically becomes celibate. He has no discipline for it. Sex is superfluous energy; sex is a safety valve. When you have too much in you and you cannot do anything with it, the nature has made a safety valve; you can throw it out. You can release it, otherwise you will go mad or burst – explode. And if you try to suppress it, then too you will go mad, because suppressing it won’t help. It needs a transformation, and that transformation comes from total commitment. A warrior, if he is really a warrior – an impeccable warrior, will be beyond sex. His whole energy is moving.

@Alex K So, the qualifications: Discrimination ( which is covered above) Dispassion for objects (happens naturally once student can discriminate ) A shubda pramana (means of knowledge - Vedanta) A qualified teacher who can wield the knowledge. Self acceptance (warts and all) Devotion ( bhakti - devotion for the self's reflection (Isvara, the cosmos) Foreberance Single pointedness of mind (a mind capable of contemplation on the teaching and being able to stay on course. A mind easily distracted won't assimilate knowledge of the self.) Faith in the teachings pending the results of your inquiry. Curiosity and open mindedness transforms into knowledge upon seeing the truths revealed from the scriptures. The point is not to change onselsef as a person, just to gain qualities of mind capable of assimilating the knowledge. The end result is that the person and the world is all perfect as is. No need to change it because there is no desire to change it . Freedom is the goal. Now the saintliness of the person will depend on what his or her role is here, not their choice. Because once you know you are not the doer, the doer can't be changed, it is left to get on with its purpose here. Vedanta teachings are free of charge, they belong to humanity, not to a person. Of course, the modern self help guys want you to think it's about personal transformation because it keeps them in business.

Habits: I think I will not continue this "Habits-Transformation"-thing. I found out that the key to all these habits is consciousness. Consciousness alone. Bad habits are an indicator for low quality consciousness and the only solution is raising your consciousness. I found that visualizing the consequences and listening to this quiet voice inside is helpful. http://www.osho.com/read/featured-articles/body-dharma/the-art-of-eating This will basically be the solution to my overeating. The solution to my excessive internet time is sitting on my couch, meditating and doing exercises from the books.

@Schulzy @Gavalanche do what you love and what your passionate about is what I have learnt from this course so that would be true learning of self actualization wich means mastery which means practice... I don't know about helping others, now its all about just learning all this material seriously, but no idea yet of transformation of this into business. Detachment from outcome needs to be practiced lets see now I will not go to the part of making it real (I've just now got this idea) like right now that I'll just apply one by one all these core concepts to self actulization carring out my normal job and usings leos strategic motherfucker fucker video and many other such vedios..I sence that my life is going to transform radically I have many interesting ideas. Tomorrow morning I've decided to break free from homeostasis and go all in. this thought also just arose now.

<11-10-2016> Emotional Crutches and How Things Have To Get Worse Before They get Better This idea of things getting worse before they get better still hurts my ego a lot. I a struggle with a personal development obstacle that I'm sure a majority of other people with personal development habits also do, which are emotional crutches. For me, I commonly use various forms of entertainment as a means to hide from my problems of fear and anxiety. I really want to put in the effort to remove all carnal cravings and aim straight for my life purpose and enlightenment but the difficulty is just far too strong. I surely hope that awareness really is curative because that's all I've got right now. Be fucking patient, I tell myself everyday. You can see how my daily life has been affected by Leo's content. As I continually work on my consciousness and emotional crutches, I begin to get a sense of what true misery really is and why so many people in the world are not happy. Simply because life transformation takes time and most people are not willing to actively enter long periods of high difficulty to achieve growth. On a positive note, I'm working on another comic strip. It's been a while since I've made one and I've been itching for a while to get back to it. Probably should focus more on them because they are really fun to make. On a negative note, I noticed that I've accidentally been placing 10 instead of 11 on the month section of the dates on my past few journal entries. Not a big deal but kind of lame, really.

Habit-Transformation - Day 16: visualization internet usage - Streak 3 Mindfulness: I had only 6 hours of sleep. I tried to meditate in the morning but quited after half an hour because I was so tired. I almost fell back to sleep. My maths teacher borrowed me an old book of her for first semester maths. I could try to understand the book sometimes in the normal classes because its too easy for me. I just tried to understand the first pages. I did it for about 1 hour and got to the third page... I am doing this to look if I really want to study maths. My tics are coming back again... One of my book orders will arrive tomorrow (Neti Neti Meditation by Andre Doshim Halaw).

Habit-Transformation - Day 15: visualizing internet usage - Streak 2 works out well. I intended to use the internet after waking up but I didn't

Habit-Transformation - Day 14: visualizing internet usage worked out well, just 2 minutes seem like a lot of time Mindfulness: Meditated for 2 hours in the morning and 1 hour in the afternoon, including 70 and 48 minutes of sds. Already a long time ago I have recognized that I have this limiting belief that I am unable to meditate much longer than 60 minutes or 90 minutes. There have only been a few instances where I did one session longer than 90 minutes and only one session longer of them has been sds. I think that I don't have the willpower/mindfulness/equanimity to deal with this pain. 60 and 90 minutes are these magical borders where it becomes emotionally more challenging just because of this belief. So what should I do about this? Maybe being mindful about this limiting belief and watching what the ego is doing with this belief. Sitting and watching. Nice Routine: I love Sundays. On Sundays I have the most free time and the new video comes out. Today I had a really nice routine, just with a bit too much internet. I think this would be a good routine for the time after school or in the holidays. waking up at 5am meditating for about 3 hours studying / working working out / moving outside eating meditation inner work Quick calculations: I just had a thought. There are 177 books in Leo's booklist. I am 17, Leo is 31 years old. There is a difference of 14 years. If I want to read all those books until I am as old as Leo now, I would have to read 12.6 books year, so about one book a month. 60 of those 177 books have a 5/5 rating. With this reading speed I would have read the most important books in about 5 years. But some of those books are uninteresting for me, like the categorys life coaching or sex. For me currently interesting are the categories... Emotional Mastery (14) Happiness (6) Life Purpose (7) Dealing with People (7) Consciousness & Enlightenment (34) Metaphysics & Epistemology (3) Paranormal (3) Psychedelics (5) Science & Life (14) Biographies (17) Physiology (1) Philosophy (4) That are 115 books. I could read them all in 9 to 10 years. But Leo has read much more books than those on the list... In 10 years I will already be enlightened

Habits-Transformation - Day 13: visualizing internet usage - Streak 0 slow mindful eating - Streak 0 Why am I lying to myself? I said that I would visualize my internet usage for 2 minutes every time that I intent to use the internet. I never did that, I just thought about it quickly. Therefore it had no real effect except from yesterday. If I continue being so sloppy with transforming my habits, I will have no results / very few like in the last years. I know how to change habits, but I don't apply my knowledge. I know that one should only change one habit at a time -> I will only focus on the internet habit I know that it is effective to use 100% commitment -> "I commit on visualizing the internet usage everytime before I intent to use the internet for 2 minutes. REALLY!" I know that every addiction is the avoidance of emotional labor. The ego is trying to avoid the purifying fire of my existential emptiness -> while visualizing I will get clear about this fact I know how effective positive and negative visualization is -> I will firstly negatively visualize what will happen if I avoid emotional labor. I will have no results. Then I will positively visualize how my life will look like when I have no internet addiction whatsoever I have read "The Power of Habit" and know that there is a guide to change habits -> I will apply this guide in the next post in a few minutes Mindfulness: In the morning I meditated a lot. Firstly 90 minutes of sds and afterwards about 60 minutes of self inquiry and do nothing standing and sitting. Now in the afternoon/evening I did another 58 minutes of sds and 50 minutes of self inquiry and do nothing standing and sitting. That are more than 4 hours, jey! In the self inquiry session I got a little little sense that I am more than this body-mind-identification-thing. For the rest of the day I again was pretty unconscious, but I will not go into details here. Why should I talk about all the negative stuff? But what was positive that I again was working in the garden for 1.5 hours. And I found it enjoyable again and was a little bit more conscious.

Habits-Transformation - Day 12: visualizing internet usage - Streak 2 it starts working. I didn't was on the internet after school although I firstly wanted to. Then I just did my homework without distraction. slow mindful eating - Streak 0 ate only lunch slow and mindful Mindfulness: 52 minutes of do nothing in the morning. Unconsciousness in school because I had to write an English exam. I liked writing the exam, I liked the text, I liked my summary, analysis, mediation and comment, a good exam. Did my homework unconsciously, ate relatively mindfully, was doing research unconsciously, was biking sometimes mindfully, worked in the garden sometimes more mindfully, ate unconsciously, was on the internet unconsciously. Somehow I am such a hurry and hectic. Why? I am acting so fast. Why? Slow down! When my mother told me that I should do all the work in the garden I got upset. I had planed to do something different today. The ego had different expectations. But then when I actually did the gardening work it was quite enjoyable. I often just had to laugh. I was thinking about reality. I am the only one in this consciousness. I don't even know whether other people exist or not. Why should I care about them? Absurdity. Just happiness, while my father was in rage.

Habits-Transformation - Day 11: visualizing internet usage - Streak 1 slow mindful eating - Streak 0 After 10 hours of school I completely forgot this Mindfulness: 81 minutes of sds in the morning. In school I was completely unconscious and still am now. I ate nothing until 6pm, so I ate very fast and unconscious. I am still very hectic now. I bought the booklist with the help of my best friend. I am too excited. I have to read sooo much. I also had to learn for the English exam tomorrow. Now I will slow down. Become mindful again.

Habits-Transformation - Day 10: I've changed my mind. Yesterday evening my subconscious came up with the idea that strictly limiting internet time isn't the best way to approach this problem but a neurotic one. Let's rather take the 'Awareness is curative'-approach. It's rather about being mindful what I am actually doing on the internet. So now I want to implement the habit of firstly visualizing what I am going to do on the internet. Thinking about the long term consequences (distraction, lack of focus) and in which way I can use the internet usefully. Let's say I will use a timer and set it on 2 minutes. In these 2 minutes I will do this visualization and afterwards I will be allowed to use the internet. I am happy with this conclusion Mindfulness: After waking up at 5:30 I did 90 minutes of sds! This was a goal of mine for quite a while. Now I think I will increase the time in 5 minutes steps if possible. I remember than about one year ago I did a 2h sds session. Today after the sds I did self-inquiry for about another 40 minutes. It is hard to really question my existence when all the time the monkey mind is present. In school I was very unconscious. In the lunch break I did another sds session for about 50 minutes and without real focus. All of the food of today I ate relatively fast and unconscious. And therefore I ate very much. I think I will implement a slow and mindful eating habit as well. I hope this will not the too much.

Drugs are as old as humanity itself, and they certainly fulfill something of immense value. The drugs are capable to give you a hallucinatory experience beyond the mundane world. Meditation brings you to the real experience. To meditate is difficult. The drug is cheap. But the attraction for drugs is spiritual. And now we have more advanced drugs, synthetically made, and we are capable to purify them more. We can make drugs which have no bad effects at all. We can make drugs which are not addictive. And we can teach people how to move from drug to meditation. Just to talk about meditation remains simply verbal. There is no way through the words to give you any experience. But drugs are immensely useful. The words can explain to you what meditation is, the drug can give you an hallucinatory experience of it. And then you can be initiated into a method. And now you will not be moving in darkness. Now you know that something… if an ordinary drug can do so much, then there must be some way to find an authentic transformation, to experience it without any dependence on anything. Under proper guidance drugs can be of immense help. I am against drugs because if they become addictive then they will be the most destructive for your journey towards the self.

Habits-Transformation - Day 9: little internet time - Streak 0 well this seems harder than I thought. When I have no school there are so many times when i am attempted to use the internet. Tomorrow is school again, so it will be easier. Maybe I will make myself question what I want to do on the internet and why before using it and visualize the long term consequences. Mindfulness: After waking up I did sds for one hour. Later in the morning I went for a one hour bike ride. At one place I became conscious very frequently but just for a very short time (roughly 10-30 seconds). This happened very often because I observed the trees and nature around me. A few times I was conscious for about one or two minutes. After the bike ride I did another sds but only for 31 minutes. I spontaneously stopped and started preparing lunch very consciously. While preparing and eating the lunch I tried to to self inquiry. I recognized that very slow action is necessary for this. Otherwise I get lost in the action very easily. In the afternoon I had a lot of free time. So I let my intuition guide me. The intuition wanted to crack walnuts very consciously. I enjoyed that. Then the intuition wanted to puzzle. In the past I really enjoyed that too. But the ego interrupted. The ego rather wanted to learn history or stretch because that would be more productive. But I had the 'magnetic pull' towards puzzling. The ego just wanted to study or stretch because of my identification of being a good student and healthy. So I puzzled. Meanwhile I wanted to stay mindful and listened to Shinzen Young (Organizing Your Practice). Later I went to the graveyard with the family. I thought about the absurdity of the anthropological Christian picture of god and how much suffering the people create for themselves. - Mindfulness is key

Habits-Transformation - Day 8: little internet time - Streak 1 I was on the internet in the morning and now and the stuff I did was quite productive. Today was a good day. I had no school and tomorrow neither. After waking up I did 68 minutes of sds and visualized the future. So in the morning I was a little bit outside. It was cold but sunny. I did some deep breathing exercises and I felt alert. I stretched and mobilized my body for about 1.5 hours and listened to Alan Watts at the same time. Then I had a cold shower. I felt amazing. I had no homework to do but studied history because I wanted to. I found it really interesting how Hitler became a dictator. I also had some fun with maths. Later my best friend visited. We went for a walk, made pumpkin sup and had a nice deep conversation. I noticed how much I projected on her... Now I will turn off the computer and do some inner work or meditate. Life is good. - Let go of everything you fear to lose

Habit-Transformation - Day 7: little internet time - Streak 0 just watched a lot of videos Mindfulness: For most of the day I was pretty unconscious. I just had a few glimpses of mindfulness e.g. while working out and having a longer colder shower. At about 12 o' clock I was done with the workout, the school stuff, shower and had just prepared my lunch. I was looking forward to watching Leo's new video while eating. But then my sister came into my room and said that I should help my father right now. I was so pissed of, got so angry and furious. The ego wanted to just watch this fucking video and eat. Eventually I got outside and helped him for an hour. But while I was so angry I was still relatively mindful about the ego's reaction. This showed me how attached I am. I had the expectation to have time to watch the video and eat. But then my expectation got ruined... Afterwards this reaction seemed so silly to me. I meditated for one hour in the morning and did 88 minutes of sds in the afternoon. Later I will contemplate for a bit and do some shadow work. Food: I had two meals but one would have been enough. After this second meal I feel so full and tired right now. But I have met almost all of my nutritional targets. The new video "The Trap Of Projection" taught me that I need to work on my projections/judgments and self image more. I also realized that I should learn from other spiritual teachers more.

Habit-Transformation - Day 6: little internet time - Streak 0 It worked good all day, but now I found myself here watching videos which were quite informative but not relevant. I have to be honest with myself. Today I failed. Thats okay. Mindfulness: Sometimes I was mindful but most of the time I wasn't. When I was on a bike ride I wanted to look at the beauty of the trees in autumn but the monkey mind interrupted me. I wanted to eat mindfully but I wanted to eat faster. In the afternoon I did 68 minutes SDS and afterwards for about 60 minutes a death contemplation. I still wasn't really mindful but my brain got into this meditative state. Death contemplations are powerful, really powerful. Food: I did again this one meal a day thing. This time I feel much better. I ate for 90 minutes. Firstly a few nuts, then a big green salad, then another salad from yesterday, then a green smoothie, then apple with beet root and finally another apple, pear and half a mango. I think this time limitation which people on the internet talk about made me eat faster and less mindfully. I would really like to eat now and have little temptations to eat fruit. But I can handle it right now, probably because of the meditation. I feel very calm and happy with much mental clarity. - Let go of everything you fear to lose (I think this is my new affirmation)

For as long as I can remember, I was planning for the "BIG TRANSFORMATION". when I would become my best self. It was always tomorrow or the 1st of the month or New Years Day ...thinking it would be a magical thing. Leo's teachings have given tools to help with the gradual process of transformation. Tools that can be applied everyday. He's a necessity,and his videos just keep getting better.

Habits-Transformation - Day 5: less Internet - Streak 0 I simply was often on my phone and watched quite a few videos. I noticed that I have been tricking myself. The ego thought "I only wrote 'less Internet' in the journal, so I could quickly look on my phone". I have done this quite often and that is a distraction. I will make strict rules for this habit: Looking on my phone or computer only twice a day for maximal 10 minutes for not productive reasons. For productive reasons like school work, studying, researching and writing in this journal I can use the Internet freely, but while still watching out that I don't distract myself. I didn't made strict rules in the first place because it would be neurotic, but the ego is tricky. Every addiction is the avoidance of emotional labor. Surrender to the purifying fire of emptiness. Sit there with emptiness and do nothing. Mindfulness: I wasn't really mindful in school, while eating, nor while working out. After school I cracked nuts and tried to stay mindful and went for an 1 hour walk with the intention of being mindful. Especially in the walk I recognized how stupidly unaware I am and how easily I get distracted by thoughts. A lot of work... Still mindfulness is a beautiful thing, and in the moments of mindfulness there is a connection to the infinite. I ate a lot and snacked a lot today. I even ate chocolate which I probably didn't eat since spring. This will be my next habit to tackle in 21 days. I read some pages in the "age-inhibition regiment." I brilliant man. I noted some quotes:

Habits-Transformation - Day 4: less Internet - Streak 4 I needed help from the Internet for my chemistry homework and was for a few minutes on this forum. Mindfulness: In comparison to yesterday I was relatively unconscious, especially in school. I ate relatively unconscious and relatively fast. I ate relatively much and snacked a lot. I sign for unconsciousness. After school I went on a bike ride and listened meanwhile to Alan Watts and Leo. They made me again and again aware of my unconsciousness while biking. But in the end I was a bit in touch with infinity while listening to the "What is god" video. A few days ago my intuition told me that I should try to play Minecraft again. When I was about 12 to 14 years old I was very addicted to this game and spent all of my free time in front of the computer. Today I just wanted to look what its like to play it again, I wanted to stay mindful. After 20 minutes I was bored and quited. Why did I spent so many days of my life playing this game