Search the Community

So, I got myself involved in 5-MeO-DMT. But before I start this post, I'd like to point out that if you wanna know a little bit about my psychedelic background and another fun trip report, you might wanna read my report on shrooms first - if you haven't. There I describe my background with this etc. You can find it here. +++ Research, Planning And a Fun Experiment +++ So, how did it all start? Let's go back in time. Roughly two months ago when Leo released his mushroom videos I wrote with him here on the forum about my experiences with psychedelics, told him about one bad trip that I had and so on. In this conversation he said I should checkout 5-MeO-DMT and that nothing really compares to that. I gotta say I was kind of skeptical at first. I had done regular n,n-DMT and thought that this would be as "high as it gets". Little did I know. So I did some research over the weeks into MeO, asked some friends who had done it and read a lot. After a few weeks I forgot about it mostly because I had exams to learn for and interesting projects at work. Then Leo released his video about becoming God. I still remember how I listened to that in the morning while eating breakfast and I'm like: "This can only be MeO." So I waited a week until he made his video about it. So I thought, I better get involved in this. This sounds transformational and scary and I'm up for super-charging my progress. I did some more research and got me 250mg of 5-MeO-DMT, lab-tested with a minimum of 98% purity in HCL form. Don't ask me where I got it, if you can't do the research, don't do it. Onions might have been involved in this process, one rumors. So, I basically set up an experiment that I was going to undertake. The question I want to solve is: "Can a habitual use of 5-MeO-DMT used 1-2 a month raise my awareness permanently if used for 6-12 months?" This is the question I wanna investigate with this. To do that, I will do the tripping and document what happens with me. I plan to release I'd say at least 1 post per month here on the forum on my experiences - but more importantly on the development that happens in me. This is why I do this. I am actually thinking about making this in a video form (me telling this to you instead of writing). I might do that if the changes that occur are as deep as I expect them to be so that the cost of exposure and the investment in time and effort will be worth it. We'll see. If you like this whole experiment, like the posts and comment, ask questions and so on, so that I see that you guys are interested. If not, I'll document this just privately for me or later purposes. So, I got all this down and last Thursday, the 6th of October was the day it should all begin. So let's jump right into it. +++ The First Two Dosages: Light and Medium +++ How do you prepare to die? That's the question I asked myself before I did the first trip. And you really can't. You can just try to be at peace with whatever happens as much as you can be. This is rather difficult, because your mind can simply not come up with any framework that brings it at peace with non-existence. You have to let that go. I was pretty scared and nervous before the first trip, to be honest with you. I did all the stuff I had to do on that day, so that I had time to prepare, to do and integrate the first experiences with this beast of a drug. Before I started, I laid on my bed, closed my eyes and went deep inside. I talked to my unconscious and asked it whether it really wants to do this kind of experience and whether I could accept to die into it, so that it could become everything. I listened to my intuition that was in for it. That calmed me down a lot and was the basis for the surrendering I had to do here. I would've quit the whole thing if something in me would've not wanted this authentically. The following is a sum-up of three light-to-medium trips I took on Thursday and Saturday. They are based on 1x 15mg and 2x 20mg of MeO and had similar effects. I weighted the dosage on my scale, made two halves out of it, turned on my tripping music very quietly and snorted the powder in with a third of a straw. You basically wanna sniff it in with the least energy to get it inside, so that it stays in the nostrils. Then you hold a finger on the nostril opening, do the other nostril, cover that and sit down on your couch / bed. I sat down on my bed, tilted my head upside down and massaged the MeO into my nostrils. It burns a little bit but not very much in my experience. After 3-5 minutes my reality would get wanky and I would lie down on my bed very openly. I tried to focus on my breathing that got slower and slower while my pulse would be shooting through the top. And I mean through the the motherfucking top. You have not experienced this kind of pulse ever before in your life (if you weren't confronted with a death-like situation). I knew this would be coming, but man. You begin to worry a little bit if you can even physically take this. Then my bodily tensions and pressures slowly vanished, I closed my eyes and all I could feel is my pulse, a feeling of terror in my abdomen and a very slow breath. I mainly focused on keeping my breath going because it felt like it would stop any second if don't consciously breathe. (This is a known feature of the MeO-experience that it feels like your breath stops, however it doesn't. One does not have to be afraid of this. However, if you feel this the first time it is very heavy to say the least. Me whole body gave me signals that I'm going to die right now and it felt like I was on the edge for a good twenty minutes. So what did I do? How do you face such a situation? With eyes closed I just tried to get in contact with this force that birthed me into life and that makes and shapes me every moment. I actually kinda got hold of this and it felt very much like home and that I could just surrender into it. I was on the verge of psychological death. I totally gave in. In these 20 minutes it felt like I purged 10 years of emotional baggage. Every fear and every fight that I ever had with myself just vanished and disappeared as I faced my own death here. It is - to say the least - transformational and scary. After 30 minutes the terror kind of went away, I opened my eyes and was just bathed in this clearness. I laid on my bed for I don't know how long and was just there. No thoughts, no interpretation, no worries, no hopes, no fears. Just stillness and clearness. It was sick, I gotta say. After it, a lot of the heightened awareness actually stayed and is still present. It cut out in the last couple of days a lot of unnecessary thoughts. My meditation practice feels super-charged and my unwanted desires mostly went away. I'm not in a meditative state, but just really grounded and authentic. I don't resist myself anymore - at least in the last few days - and every kind of conflict or negative association just melts because of what happened there. Like, you don't have to do anything to stay grounded and aware, you just are because even if a earthly worry would come up it just is not equipped to hypnotize you anymore, because you have faced your own death. And nothing is greater then that. You faced your personal ever-nearing apocalypse - and nothing else compares. That's it. But that should just be the beginning. +++ The strong semi-breakthrough dosage +++ For Saturday evening I had planned the last initial dosage. 30mg. Boy, I wouldn't have dreamed in my wildest dreams that 10 godly milligrams could do such a difference. I had expected that I would go from near-death to a kind of void and that this is it. Yeah, think again. So I followed up on the normal procedure I described above, sat down on the bed massaging my nostrils. 3 minutes in the reality would get wanky again. So I laid down on my bed and expected the upcome to take at least a few more minutes. I don't know how long it actually took but I suspect 5-10 seconds when I laid down and opened up I was just gone. My mind just started collapsing in on itself. Indescribable. Pulse through the top, breath on the verge of being existent, bodily tensions and feelings not there unless a big, mother... god-fucking big existential terror in my abdomen. It felt like my whole nervous system collapsed in on itself, my mind tried to wrap its head around it and just every frame of reference vanished. You don't even remotely suspect how deep your ego shapes your perception. Every experience you have, everything you take in and make sense out of is combined with your web of beliefs. Even the most little thing like taking a breath is carrying years and years of your ego in it. Every little cell in your body. And now imagine all of this goes down to zero, nada, nothing. Just collapses in on yourself. It is by far the deepest kind of transformation you could ever experience. You are just blown away and every tool that your mind uses to come up with a calming solution of "you can handle that in a certain way" just isn't there. You're basically going insane while you are dying while it feels like every two seconds you are flushed with the doubled amount of awareness you just had. Very, very intense experience, guys. Very intense. This is such an physical experience that I actually thought I gotta vomit. It felt like my body would explode and implode every few moments. So I ran to the toilet, put a finger in my throat and tried to vomit. Nothing happened. And I'm like: "What the fuck?" I never in my life was so certain that I gotta vomit and I never put my finger so deep into my throat to get me to do this. But I just didn't. So I laid back down in my bed for about 10 seconds and then got up because I thought I gotta vomit again. Didn't happen. The second time hanging over the toilet I realized that I'm completely transforming right now and that this is probably the cause of me thinking I gotta vomit. This was one of the only thoughts I had in these moments. Dear, dear thought. I was happy that you were around, buddy. At least a little calm. So I got back to my bed, laid down again, opened up, massaged my navel a little bit (which a friend of mine - a Qigong practitioner - recommended to me to get my awareness from my head into my abdomen which calms you down) and closed my eyes. In that moment all tensions, the existential terror and the complete shock I was in just exploded in this ever-still moment that expanded in all directions while not moving at all. I was that for a brief time and then were birthed again into my ego, were ripped out of again and then were the stillness again. This occurred for some time. God is a beast, man. A fucking beast. After having this for some time I managed to surrender into this birthing and dying every few moments and flowed with it for a few moments. It was the most majestic, horrifying, loving, still and moving I don't know what to call it that I have ever seen. Completely impossible. In the process I actually thought I died because there was no indication left that I was alive. Having done that it birthed and destroyed me for some more time, like 10 minutes and I opened my eyes and surrendered to the process. I merged with everything I could see, I was the room, the thing itself and the viewer of it. I was still being pumped with tremendous amounts of awareness every few seconds. Fuck me man, this is nuts I thought. By looking at the things in my room they changed their boundaries like every few seconds. Like the shelve and the wall would now be one thing, then everything would blur out and then they formed a different object again. No hallucinations, but just every kind of way you could perceive an object in like 30 seconds. I didn't even try to understand this. After 45 minutes I slowly came out and by that time didn't even care anymore whether I was breathing, my pulse was going through the top or whatever just happened. I was completely wiped clean, bathing in this stillness and nothingness and slowly saw how my ego began to put my world together again. After that I smoked a cigarette and took a walk. My head was surprisingly still and cool with what just happened and was happy to have even greater amounts of awareness and stillness, no bad thoughts coming up, feeling very authentic. I asked myself whether I wanna do this again for 6-12 months on a bi-weekly basis and my intuition was still in for it. Why do I call this a semi-breakthrough and not a genuine breakthrough? I think that if I do this a couple of times and increase the dosage 3-5mg I would be leaving most of the terror behind and bath more consistently in the absolute. I was kind of going in and out here the whole time which was kind of crazy. So we'll see next time. +++ The Aftermath +++ So, I guess you read all of this and just think: "What the fuck, how could anyone ever do something like that to himself?" Let me tell you why. In this moment of complete shock, terror and then dissolving into the absolute you are shown your own birth and death. You actually see how you die every few moments and then are born again a moment later. You see how you are this collection of thoughts, perceptions and emotions and how they spontaneously arise out of an infinite pool of possibilities. I'd guess that if you do that for a few times you can surrender so deeply into it that most of the terror dissolves and you just die into the beauty and majesty of it. Of your own divine nature. I also guess from the aftermath that I experience right now that your own mind has to rebuild itself in a higher order after these experiences because it has no framework to handle it with your limited view. Besides that, I guess that this will lead to the most mature emotionality a human being can have because you learn to accept dying here. That means that over some time nothing really can bug you anymore, because you have experienced and surrendered to your death and have seen beyond it. This I would conclude can lead to tremendous psychological changes that could cause an permanent awakening because nothing else can really handle such an experience. No framework of a normal sleeping mind can do that. Also, the feeling and awareness you get after these experiences are amazing. It feels like being reborn again, clean. It feels like I have done 3 years of daily meditation in 45 minutes, 3 years of talking and fighting and adjusting myself. It is that powerful. I think that it just gets more powerful the more you do it, although it is scary and horrifying to a degree. But you also see that there is really nothing that can really destroy you. And that itself is transforming. So yeah, that's my take on the first experiences. If you are interested in me posting more of this and documenting my journey here on the forum, like this, comment and let me now. I'll go through that and see where I end up. I think it's gonna be a good place. The last few days were the most exciting, refreshing and calm days I had in my entire life. Cheers to 5-MeO-DMT, Azrael

Brother, listen. I was in a similar state of mind this year for about 6 months. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing that happened was that my mind began racing, negative thought patterns would come up, emotions were triggered. I would get up and do my daily stuff and I was in constant fear all the time. I was in fear when I met people on the street, I was in fear when I went to university, I was in fear even when I was home alone because I thought that my family and friends thought bad of me (...which of course they don't - at least not in such a dramatic way one spins it.) My meditation was basically me sitting while being screamed at by my inner stream of thoughts. I briefly had moments of silents or peace. These 6 months were covered with 3 major awakenings that I had which mostly resulted in 1 week of bliss per awakening and then the terror would even worsen. In the last weeks I would sit in the bus and my head would be spinning scenarios of me killing myself (and I'm not at all, not even fucking remotely suicidal, never was) but it just felt very good to spin these scenarios. That this happened made me then even sicker, that I thought about this. It was all very twisted and I was totally lost. This had to happen to purge my whole childhood / youth drama out of my brain. I knew that this was happening at the time - but still it didn't really help because it was so bad. And I would be having all of this while becoming more and more aware of how I was one with the universe. My awareness expanded a lot in this time which is in retrospect the reason why I felt so shitty. It shined light on so much neurosis that was covered in the dark that it just needed time to burn out all of this shit. So, how do you go about it? Look Matt Khan videos and begin to reconnect with your shadow, your inner child. Don't deny one side of yourself as being bad and responsible for this fuck-up, but see it as a little five year old inside of you who is completely lost and makes you crazy. How do you talk to a five year old? You say that you're sorry that he has to go through such deep and transforming times. You say that your are sorry what happened to him in the past and that your only wish is to make him happy and enlighten him. Actually, really say this to yourself on a daily basis and come in contact with all of this emotional baggage - not trying to get away from it, but care about it. You'll see, it'll magically dissolve because you stop resisting it. Build a daily routine. Sleep 7-8 hours, eat regularly, take a shit, take a daily walk, see nature at least once a day, and don't meditate too much and too hard in times when you are completely off. Meditation is great and you should still be doing it daily, but if you don't even have the power to handle yourself, you don't wanna make you bleed out faster. Take your time. In my worst times I did 30 minutes of a Daoist breathing meditation. Do your HoloSync. You do that, right? This will probably solve most of your problems very fast. Give it some time, but it did and does wonders for me. I love it. Do sports once a week. This is extremely important. If you are not a sporty guy, do at least once a week 10 push-ups. That could be a start. You wanna get rid of all this adrenalin that builds up. I did swimming for two years once a week, now I do a workout with a kettle-bell. Give in on some old ruts. If you wanna smoke, eat some ice cream, watch netflix marathons, do that. You are not in the position right now to work all of these out and thats fine. I binge on way to much stupid shit as for example very delicious spicy food, cigarettes, drugs, whatever I want. I would not restrict myself because I trust my intuition fully. From time to time it kicks one of these old ruts out just naturally. I'm just making sure I'm feeding it with more and more awareness, the rest happens for me automatically. Also, way more important then living the healthy vegan-yoga-idealistic lifestyle is that you accept your desires, find your authenticity and root yourself in that. Then no problem or habit can even remotely bug you. You can consciously cut on those things (if you want) when you have the power and inspiration to do so, not when you are carrying this heavy corpse around every day that is sad and unmotivated. This leads just to disaster. Stay at home if you like or connect with some friends here and there that give you good vibes and just follow through on that. In reality, all of this takes some time but eventually will make you the most rooted, clear-thinking and on-point person that you can think of. Keep remembering what I said in my shrooms post: All pain simply comes from the fact that at some point you started to believe your own story. And if I read your story, I see that you do that a lot and suffer from that. Now, probably this is all happening automatically and you can't do nothing about it. It was for me at that time. That's fine. Nature sometimes just wants to be in deep, deep pain so that the fun after it is even way better. Nature is a beast, trust me. And lastly, if it gets too hard, you can always write me. You know that. I help you man. Peace will come and knowing as well. In retrospect to my own fuck-up purging time: I am now as authentic, confident, happy and rooted in what I do more then ever in my life. I have to this point experienced every possible emotion I can think of in every extreme, from the complete non-duality of things to the worst nightmares of fear and anxiety. I am so intimately bounded to me as an individual that nothing normal can really shock me any more, because I went through all of it. And you will be, too. So in the end this builds the most important and intimate foundation you could ever ask for. You just don't know it yet. So, cheer up. Nature is just building your strongest version and this needs some transformation. Cheers

yes and no. yes because it will help a lot. no because it's not enough. what we call "addictions" are just habits that we judge as being harmful for us and/or for people around us. you have to go further. you have to fill your life with habits that you judge as being healthy for you and/or for people around you. meditation is just one habit, but you cannot live by sitting forever. this section may be useful for you. if you feel like doing it, let us know of your transformation. use your determination to inspire.

celibacy is not a discipline, it is a consequence. You put your total energy so you don’t have any energy... and it happens in ordinary life also. You can see a great painter: he forgets women completely. When he is painting there is no sex in his mind,because the whole energy is moving. You don’t have any extra energy. A great poet, a great singer, a dancer who is moving totally in his commitment, automatically becomes celibate. He has no discipline for it. Sex is superfluous energy; sex is a safety valve. When you have too much in you and you cannot do anything with it, the nature has made a safety valve; you can throw it out. You can release it, otherwise you will go mad or burst – explode. And if you try to suppress it, then too you will go mad, because suppressing it won’t help. It needs a transformation, and that transformation comes from total commitment. A warrior, if he is really a warrior – an impeccable warrior, will be beyond sex. His whole energy is moving.

Psychology cannot transform you. It can certainly give you a few insights into the mind, but those insights are not going to be transforming, because transformation always happens from a higher plane. Transformation never means solving problems — remaining on the same plane — that means adjustment. Psychology is still trying to help you adjust — to adjust to the society which is itself insane, to adjust to the family, to adjust to the ideas that are dominant around you. But all those ideas — your family, your society — they themselves are ill, sick, and to adjust to them will give you a certain normality, at least a superficial appearance of health, but it is not going to transform you. Psychology can give you a few insights into the mind, but because it cannot take you beyond the mind it can’t be of any help. Be a light unto yourself. Do not follow others, do not imitate, because imitation, following, creates stupidity. You are born with a tremendous possibility of intelligence. You are born with a light within you. Listen to the still, small voice within, and that will guide you. Nobody else can guide you, nobody else can become a model for your life, because you are unique. Nobody has there been ever who was exactly like you, and nobody is ever going to be there again who will be exactly like you.

Youth is the best time for inner transformation because youth is the most flexible time. Children are more flexible than young people, but they are not so understanding. They need a little experience. Youth is exactly the middle; you are no longer a child, no longer ignorant of life and its ways and not yet settled as an old man. Youth is the most significant time to take any jump, because the jump needs courage, it needs energy, it needs risk, it needs daring. You will not be able to make a successful career in politics. A politician cannot have any spiritual experience. You will loose desire to dominate others.

You can have nothing and still be materialistic. I think solution lies more in sorting out the need for all these things. Material goods I think are fine in themselves, I don't see society manipulating us to go for these things, I observe that it's more a case of we created society to conform to our nature. It has gotten a little out of hand in recent times since Freud and his "unconscious aggressive desires" theory, but our basic apparent nature is always been to look outside ourselves for comfort and security. That seeking is the structure which is present, but the content of the structure changes as technology advances. So it's a little bit more tricky than assigning the blame to society at large for manipulating is. If you want to delve deeper I could suggest you are being manipulated in some ways by the literature you are reading regarding this phenomena (which in my experience does not solve the actual problem, but merely displaces it to something apparently "outside" oneself in the culture and therefore outside of one's responsibility to deal with. The only realistic solution I am aware of is meditation and a spiritual education, and by spiritual I don't mean a spirituality of attempting to transform society at large to serve the emotional needs of the species (a careful analysis of your experience will reveal that this is already the case because we are all already getting our 'emotional' needs met), but a personal transformation, because that really is the only control you do have in this life. You can't change the collective causal body, you can only change your part of it.

@Lawrence Yes it has to be involved in a sense, because the scientists creating this super AI will most certainly be conscious. And also the people who become robots will most certainly be conscious both before and after their transformation. Even the AI we create on a computer might become conscious at some point. But what I mean is that developing those technologies doesn't require to understand consciousness at all. There is no need to model it. No need to master it. No need to talk about it. Neurons are basically all you need to understand. Once you understand neurons, you can play with them. And once you play with them, the universe is at your fingertips.

Hello all! So a few weeks ago during my meditation session I started trying to observe things without putting a label on it, I started moving my hand around and looked at my hand to see it as it is, to see the formless thing it was, and then the awareness of my mental sensations shot backward (inward) I felt a huge vast open space and nothingness, it was frightening and i felt a surge of panic, I didn't know who i was anymore, All i felt was a vast ocean of emptiness. It only lasted for a minute and then i lost it again. Since then I ''know'' on an emotional level that I don't exist, because I've experienced nothingness, but somehow it wasn't a permanent transformation like for example Eckhart Tolle went through. Any suggestions to make it reoccur and make it permanent?

I was listening to some inspiring CD's that had suggested I read Napoleon Hills books , when I was looking into Hill I found Bob Proctor with his many Videos and good approach. Hill's teachings are the base of my actualization transformation from ineffective to effective. The original book versions are reported to have more tips that were removed in previous versions. I bought the paperback a few days ago and the audio book for ' Think and grow rich ' To top it off I picked up a CD , think and grow rich , Stickability : The Power of Perseverance

Hi Davie. Once you are bitten by the enlightenment vampire, the transformation is inevitable. You can try to go back to your previous way of living to reduce the transformation speed for awhile...but inevitably the desire for finding your true nature will come back at some point, whether in this life or the next. The first stage of the transformation is what you're going through, and it can be rough. Popular culture calls it "hitting bottom." Spiritual culture calls it the "dark night of the soul," but it sure as hell doesn't last a night. It can last months or years. You realize that yes, life is fundamentally pointless. It's a zero-sum game. We're all going to die and it will be as if we've never lived. All is vanity and striving after wind. No objects of experience last forever, and yet we are all play a constant game of chasing objects because of an underlying assumption of incompleteness. Related to that last point, you are chasing short-term gratification objects (chocolate and video games) because they are a faster way to make you feel more complete than your martial arts. In essence, what is happening is that ego is dissolving. The ego, your current state, is one of looking to the past for knowledge of how to be complete in the future. When you clearly see that no future object attainment will ever make you permanently complete, ego goes haywire and looks for the quickest avenues to cover up this fact. And when those other avenues begin to run out... you're left face to face with futility. To ego, this is absolutely terrifying, as it always needs a reason to keep going. If there's no reason...then what? Well, some of your ego-fueled hobbies may drop, you may lose friends you used to cover up your incompleteness, you may even lose touch with family. Everything that once defined you slips away. Actually, this is incredibly liberating, as it eventually leads you to the realization that your true nature is already whole, limitless, happy, and complete. Then, you can do whatever the body/mind feels inclined to do as an expression of this wholeness. But that's a ways down the road. My suggestion is to let this run its course. The more you try to resist and force yourself to maintain what you once had, the more you will suffer for it. If depression comes, let it come. If you feel like crying in bed all day, go for that. If you gorge on chocolate and video games enough, the pain you receive from overindulgence will be enough to make you quit. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing. At the same time, notice your thought patterns, the sob stories, the victim mentality, the sense of incompleteness that comes out of all of this. Perhaps write a biography about the "Davie" character, listing all of his quirks, his habits, his likes, his dislikes, his beliefs, etc. and see if you can start to piece together why he is the way he is. Before this turns into a novel, some food for contemplation... do dogs need a reason to live? Cheers. P.S. Don't worry about that "be present in the moment" hogwash. There's no need to manipulate your experience. I suggest starting up a "Do Nothing" meditation habit. Look up Leo's video for details.

Basically, all the stuff that Leo goes over in his videos relative to the external experience. It's a lot like our anatomy. The external is masculine, the internal is feminine. So, life purpose, goal-setting, enacting your agenda on the world, rationality/logic, individuality, transformation/change, intellect, doing, strength, stoicism, results, discernment, etc. To develop your feminine side you would cultivate compassion, awareness, a connection to the unconscious mind, embracing paradox, being, exploring the mysterious and non-rational, unconditional love, emotional awareness of self and other, etc. Masculinity is like the daytime and femininity is like the nighttime. But in relation to what Leo said above, as a joke, in our society acceptance of the body's natural functioning is still quite taboo in women. This is evidenced by deep cultural attitudes about female sexuality and female body functions. It's why Leo's joke is funny and a perhaps bit unsettling for those of us in the "fairer" sex who value a proper feminine appearance. But farting has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity... even though our cultural attitudes suggest otherwise.

I think that this forum has already reached its limit. Am not saying that to upset anyone or Leo. But I feel that there is way too much focus on the word "enlightenment" or "life purpose". This stuff confuses most people. And I cringe everytime when I read something like: "Omg, I had an enlightenment experience" or whatsoever. I always look back at Jiddu Krishnamurti when he once talked about the transformation of the mind. Jiddu died 30 years ago, so his words are at least 30 years old. I look at myself and think that at this point I am surely not the transformation that he was talking about. And I am really curious whether I can do that. But for now the transformation that I experienced were baby steps. So how am I supposed to expect faster transformation from other forum members? I just can't. I see the forum as what it is. It put me in a certain position and from that point I have to walk a very lonely road where no forum needs to be by my side. That is the struggle. I came to this forum because of some inner resistence. Now that I feel better in certain aspects the only thing to do here is to leave this place or help.

Hi everyone.... Recently weird things happen in my life. I amn't actually Canadian, I just wanted to hide my personality and that's why I wrote it as my name. The topic I'm gonna be talking about here is very important for everyone. I want to ask you to write all your opinions and way-outs here, so we can solve this problem together. I arrived in Canada in December last year (2015) , since then, adaptation became a very hard process for me. in my country, I had so many friends and everything was easier. What happens here in Canada? I'm locked in my room and watch Leo's videos all the time just to survive and not die from a boring life. My only destinations are gym and school. (school is over till Sep.) I don't believe in myself, I don't trust myself. I've read so many books about this topic, but still, I don't have a feeling I can transform my life. It happens everyday. Every day is almost the same, I 'm addicted to the computer, I waste thousands of hours on it. Today I've heard my friends in my country've gone on a holiday and they are picking up girls , chilling and having an unforgettable holidays. Since then, It became motivation for me and at this moment it seems like I can do everything. I can pick up girls, I can go out and as Leo says, I can fuck the world... But still, when I hear that my friends've already done it 10000 times, I feel weak, I feel frustrated because I start to compare myself to them. I've watched Leo's episode ''how to stop comparing to others'' about twenty thousand times, maybe twenty-one I amn't sure. I'm fed up with everything. I'd been trying recently to find power in myself and transform my life, but since I've heard from friends that they're having so much fun, I felt horrible. This isn't envy, this is something different. It makes me lose my authenticity, and it sucks. What's wrong with me, I know that there are many people here with the same problem. I watch all of Leo's episodes, about 100 times each episode, but still, I only LISTEN, I DON'T Change anything. I just continue living with other people's lives. What's the point of this everything, I can't see a bright future in it. I listen to Leo, I remember everything, I try to really change myself, I meditate, I read so many books and then what? -nothing. Addiction to computer , sitting at home most of the summer doing absolutely nothing valuable, thinking about sex all the time, (and it always fucks my mind that I don't get laid.) Every day, Every morning, I tell to myself, today is a day of transformation, I tell to myself :''Go, u wanna get laid? go and experience , use your knowledge and prove that your knowledge works.'' It isn't about getting laid, I'm talking about sex because this fucks my mind all the time, But not only this, I want to transform my life. I did everything I thought I needed, but I got only waste of time, that's it. I'm angry about myself, but it is what it is, I amn't gonna hide anything, that's what is happening in my life. Every day is the same day. boring! Watching my friends' lives and wish I had something like them. It blows up my mind. Really, I'm a already 17 and I'm old enough to change my life. I know there are many people in the situation like me here, post your ideas, what do you think about it? How to start using my knowledge, how to start real life? how to step in masculinity ? (I've watched Leo's episode about this topic too, please don't link Leo's any episode here, I know the whole text already.) I need action, but I'm like a stupid man, maybe I am... With Respect Canadian.

You see, in the old days of the Upanishads, most students were guided by a teacher, a teacher who was qualified to teach. It was a real tradition. Students had to practice a long time for Non-dual teachings, because their minds had to be ready to accept this experience so that it transformed into body wisdom rather than cognitive wisdom. Some people had to practice 12-15 years before they were allowed in on non dual. It was kept secret. Now, in this day of New Age bastardization and compulsive shallow congnitive Absolutization of the Relative, all that meaning has been lost and re-labelled "dogma". Everything now is dismissed as "dogma". This is innocent, but it is also ver ignorant. This happened because people listen to teachings that confuse relative and absolute and throw out the baby with the bathwater and screw themselves and the path because of the BELIEF that anything relative and meaningful is just "dogmatic". This is the problem here in these forums and in the New Age. It is the capitalist "quick fix" anybody can become "enlightened" fad of weekend Satsang. It's turned into like going to Church, except at least in organized religion you have some respect and reverence for relative duality! Now days the non-duality scene it just a big lie. So if you buy into the New Age lie, you will become an Absolutist who just walks around policing the language world and calling everything dogma and ego, but with no real understanding or transformation under their belt to back this up. Its just more ego pretending to be open minded.

Notes: SDS training wheels; how to increase SDS time rapidly WARNING: experimental technique I thought I would just briefly cover how I increased my SDS time from 1 to 3+ hours overnight for anyone who is interested. I combined technology, with some knowledge of physiology, yoga and hypnosis. I'll briefly describe exactly what I did and the theory behind it. In this video Shinzen Young explains how becoming goal oriented in SDS time rather than in psychological transformation can be a hindrance in spiritual development, so it's something to keep in mind. The goal is not to see how much you can take. Firstly, to be able to sit longer you need to develop your concentration, sensory clarity and equanimity. I presume that these are higher brain functions that happen in the neo-cortex/ frontal lobes. The Ted talk below explains how stress in the body causes a “self-lobotomy” of higher brain function. The biggest factor in this mental shut-down is irregular heart rate. It turns out that you can influence your heart rate by controlling your breath, there are a lot of details to how this works (you can follow your nose around these journal articles if you want to learn more about this) To cut a long story short, when you inhale your heart rate increases and when you exhale it decreases. To keep your heart rate regular the time you spend inhaling and exhaling in each breath needs to be constant and even, you can watch how Neil's rate increases and decreases evenly after he begins the breathing exercise. To lower your average heart rate the inhale should be shorter than the exhale, i.e. you spend less time increasing (inhale) and more time decreasing (exhale). You can increase your heart rate by doing the opposite - take long deep inhales and rapidly exhale. This is a cool hack I use to help me wake up quickly in the morning, it gets my blood pumping fast so I can metabolise the sleep hormones quickly. The problem is, when you begin this process you have low concentration and sensory clarity so you won't be able to keep it up very long. This is where I incorporated technology, yoga and self-hypnosis. I sampled one line from Sadhguru's isha kriya meditation using audacity (a free audio editing program) and put it on my phone to play in a loop. The idea is to take and hold the two thoughts: “I am not this body” “I am not even the mind” with inhalation and exhalation respectively. Notice that this ensures that your inhale will be shorter than your exhale and the duration will be the same for every full breath. This is what we want to keep your heart rate low and regular, and your higher brain function running so you can practice concentration clarity and equanimity better. With each inhalation and thought “I am not this body” I “felt” my entire body, washing my attention over the whole thing, noting any sensations, emotions and practising equanimity to the best of my ability with anything I felt. Then when I switched my attention to exhaling and the thought “I am not even the mind” I practised witnessing the internal talk and images that arose as I said “I am not even this mind” The subconscious mind is programmed by plain repetition, so as you're doing this you are basically brainwashing yourself to dissociate from the body and the mind to the witnessing state. I also used the insight mediation app to sound interval bells every 30 minutes, because it makes it easier to keep going when you have an idea of how much time you've done. Over the coming week I increased the time between interval bells until I was able to sit the full 3 hours without any time reference, then I stopped using the audio and was able to sit motionless, for a full 3 hours without any mantras or tech within a week. Additional notes: Begin with a growth mindset, your first sits don't have to be perfect. If you have to move to readjust your back or whatever then do it, an imperfect long sit is better than a perfect short sit because you will work through more resistance, it doesn't take long to perfectly still. To get a good posture I visualised a helium balloon taped to the top of my head gently pulling it up to the sky. I eventually found the sweet spot where my back was straight and stable without using any muscles. I noticed that breathing was difficult when my back/abdominal muscles were too contracted. You could just start out in a chair which would make this easier.

What's to become of the flower seed after full bloom It does not exist yet is told of its magical transformation "You were once a small seed in the dirt" the flower hears. "You will become a beautiful expression of nature" the seed hears. Non of this is there reality. Just stories of others from others, I am a seed in the dirt, catching water soaked mud and fleeting glimpses of sunlight. I am a brilliant flower blossom that gets bludgeoned by rain and misses the feeling of soil. Of all this, who is what and what is not?

Dunno what I am supposed to add here. When you ask us what kind of morals you are supposed to have, you basically behave like a very young child not knowing anything about the world, which actually isn't a bad thing. But being in your age (you are writing a thesis now) you have to have some sort of values. Look at your life. Be aware of what you are doing. What you are doing is what you are. Just think a lot about your own life and don't get obsessed with other people like ted bundy. You are upsetting me somehow. I feel like I am talking with a potential copycat murderer. There are people who are mentally ill, there are people who are/were very unlucky in their life, there are people who just find another reason to live a very dark life based on torturing and killing and whatsoever. But why should I look at such people? I don't define myself as a person that likes torturing and killing, because I have compassion. I have emotions. I believe that being is a great alternative to not being. Torture and killing for me is just some sort of sadistic stuff that is only covering stuff like fear. Defining morals as something very unique this sentence is total bullcrap. Every human being has its very own morals. It always depends on you and the other person. Will you let the other person influence you to become more and more like he is? Do you have some fundamental values that can't be changed that easily? Even if this ted bundy lives in your environment. Why should he influence you? Only because he is present? Do you think that you are soooo manipulative? I am not saying that the perfect human being should not be manipulative at all, but representing your own values or whatsoever is a strong trait, I guess. Well, you don't have to define what is right and what is wrong. This is just a way for human beings to simplify life as much as possible (source: religion or whatsoever). There are questions that can't be answered, in my humble opinion. But if you REALLY want to find an answer, you will. Believe me. Do whatever the fuck you want. Answer the question for yourself or just don't answer it. Having a great quote from my favorite dude Jiddu Krishnamurti: “You know, if we understand one question rightly, all questions are answered. But we don't know how to ask the right question. To ask the right question demands a great deal of intelligence and sensitivity. Here is a question, a fundamental question: is life a torture? It is, as it is; and man has lived in this torture centuries upon centuries, from ancient history to the present day, in agony, in despair, in sorrow; and he doesn't find a way out of it. Therefore he invents gods, churches, all the rituals, and all that nonsense, or he escapes in different ways. What we are trying to do, during all these discussions and talks here, is to see if we cannot radically bring about a transformation of the mind, not accept things as they are, nor revolt against them. Revolt doesn't answer a thing. You must understand it, go into it, examine it, give your heart and your mind, with everything that you have, to find out a way of living differently. That depends on you, and not on someone else, because in this there is no teacher, no pupil; there is no leader; there is no guru; there is no Master, no Saviour. You yourself are the teacher and the pupil; you are the Master; you are the guru; you are the leader; you are everything. And to understand is to transform what is."

I intend to visit 2 weeks of the fall retreat. Which Workshop would you recommend taking? Week 1 Experiencing the Nature of Being Week 2 Pursuing Consciousness through Transformation Week 3 Consciousness Training Camp Final Week Contemplation Intensive

@John I think Tolle the night of his transformation was really willing to die. He had enough. Maybe he discovered that one not need actually die in order to discover the peace a suicidal person is looking for? I had an experience like this myself, where I just let the identity die because I saw that it actually did nothing for me, only caused me problems. It was short lived though, and not a lasting thing, but I got a glimpse of what it means to awaken: Pain happens, but there is nobody there to suffer.

@charlie2dogs One of the biggest jokes in the current hive mind - the grand transformation of the collective human consciousness. Yes, even I bought into it.

Can You Change Your Life? (is a customer interview) http://pathwaytohappiness.com/sound_files/pod11-holly-interview.mp3 The real transformation that you create for yourself, is in actual practice. Those exercises can be found in the self mastery course. Before you start changing your life, you start with mastering yourself. You are the instrument with which you create your life. And without first tuning that instrument, you are likely to miss the mark of what you are aiming for in your life. Do You Need Guidance? http://pathwaytohappiness.com/podcast/pod21-teacher.mp3 -Enlightenment is when you see things as they are. -All that one has to do to make that journey is to shift his point of perception -Choose to put your point of perception to a different view point at anytime, to take you out of victimhood and out of judgment. -To a certain point, you have to get free of the path, but to even get to a point where you can depart, you have to develop the skills to develop your attention and therefore follow a path. -Book learning is quiet different from developing consciousness. What do we do with that knowledge? We have to pratice. -Don't be under the belief that if you really care about someone, you have to point all what he's doing wrong to him. It's a different kind of caring, not as accepting or as respectful. In the structure of belief system, of how to become more spiritual by having expectations in being more perfect, doesn't fit. You have to adapt a point of view where you accept yourself (and others) completely the way you (they) are. -Wanting to become perfect on the spiritual path is counterintuitive. Finding Your Self http://pathwaytohappiness.com/sound_files/pod16-finding-self.mp3 -The quest starts the day you're not happy with the global situation you're in. -To make possible to express more love, you have to get rid of your fears. That means getting rid of fears made of beliefs, beliefs that are connected to fear. -We bounce between our good self-esteem and our bad self-esteem. Those self-images create an identity. -Within that matrix of who we are, having to find ourselves over the years, we' ve made hundreds of agreements "oh I'm this way, I'm not that way","I'm good at maths, lousy at english, I cant sing or paint". All those images exist in our mind. We've been defining ourselves by agreements and by imaginary characters, conceptual ideas of who we are, many of them based in fear. Some kind of self-rejection, some kind of "I wonder what they think about me" story. The thing the people mistakingly go do in finding out who they are, they go looking among those imaginary characters they have among themselves, that they've had created. And all these imaginary characters of themselves not one is really them. -That path to happiness or that path to love in your life is about uprooting all those false images based in fear even the positive ones based in illusions, because you aren't that imaginary character either. Your own mind becomes a big trap, it becomes a matrix of illusions and many of those are based in fear. You might ask :"well if I'm I'm not any of those character, who Am I, what am I?" The who Am I question isn't a so good question to ask, because it leads us to believe in an imaginary character! -At that point, it can be very frustrating to get more lost instead of finding yourself. But that is the nature of the journey. In the journey you have to dissolve all the illusions, and it can be pretty uncomfortable. As you honestly dissolve all these false images and illusions you have about yourself, you will find that you'll be happier, because there is more room in your life. -As your consciousness expends, and you dissolve the fears, you dissolve the false beliefs -From that divine point of view of truth, love or consciousness , only perfection exists. -The mind has an idea of what the body is supposed to do and look like, it judges the body as wrong in some fashion. It's kind of ridiculous. The world of the body is separate from the mind, and the mind very often tries to control the body, and therefore creates a conflict. When we are not aware, we create a judgement of our body, it can end up in feeling guilty, ashamed, being angry at our body. The body by itself is a beautiful being, the divine world by itself is only perfection. It's in the middle world of the mind that there is all those comparisons, judgments, victimization out of emotional reactions. -You have to let go all the egos versions of self in order to embrace the authentic self, witch is a divine self. It's a big and beautiful leap in consciousness. It allows a world without conflict, in yourself and in the world, and see everything as beautiful. Unconditional love and acceptance for life. -Why do get people angrier over the years? We learn to accumulate stories, opinions, beliefs and agreements in our mind and we collect all these ideas in the mind, but we never clean up our mind. We collect them and a lot of them are in contradiction. We are not taught to evaluate thoughts, we are not taught to let them go. -In that quest of finding oneself, you have to dissolve the world of illusions of the mind, to find who but more importantly what you are... which is life, conscious life expressing itself through that body. -It take consciousness, awareness and mastering control over your own attention, this is not an intellectual paradigm.

@Orange Hi The ideas presented by people, even here, are just ideas. There is no truth in borrowing other people's ideas at all. Yes borrowing ideas can be useful for fixing up certain life situations, but in the context of personal transformation ideas and concepts are mere representations, or personal/collective "models" of truth. The "Truth" we are speaking of here is the realization of Absolute Truth, where the idea of the separate self sense is transcended and reality can be seen without any filters of the separate sense of self distorting the view. In that place one can see very clearly what is true and what is not true about life because there are none of the divisions of separation present - everything is One. The Absolute is not a place one is able to hang-out in for long periods of time, unless one gets very good at transcending their ego! And also this Absolute state is not the be-all-and-end-all of life. As Natasha pointed out, it's also wise to re-inhabit the relative world of separate forms, but now with some knowledge, insight and background awareness of the Absolute. Having an experience of the Absolute nature of reality affords us the opportunity to now start working on shedding off the layers of our own personal and collective conditioning or what some would call our false identity. The stories which keep us bound to re-enacting certain negative patterns, attracting certain unwanted situations, addictions, anything that has a hold on us is a "story" and that story is kept in place by stored emotional memory which is then feed by a "story" in the mind of thinking. This is programming, and this is what we call our personal identity. Changing the personal identity is hard work, but it's easier if we have this background knowledge of the Absolute reality. This way we're able to work with these stored emotions without buying into the story in the head. The more one can learn this skill of releasing old emotions that have been causing us to fail without buying into the ideas attached to them, the more one can create a more realistic and "truth" based worldview based on our own inner intuition and less influenced by our past conditioning and beliefs. The less of a grip our past conditioning has on us, the more we are able to have a say in our own lives. This is only my take on this, others may disagree, I'm not sure if I got it right, even, but this is how my own understanding has unfolded.

@Emerald Wilkins, interesting answer! In the last year I had some periods - mostly a set of 3-5 days every few months - in which I felt completely enlightened. It then always went away and brought cycles of horrors and transformation after it. What I found so astonishing while I had theses enlightenment experiences is that I felt like somebody just pulled a cork outta me and I just felt like after all this time I am home. It kinda expressed itself in every little part: I moved a little bit slower, I acted and breathed very rhythmically just out of intuition and it felt a bit like flying - like you are weightless. If you meditate, focus on that one sensation of feeling unwell. There is this one feeling that nearly all of the time is inside of you. For me it is a lot in my upper body and brain. It's like a tension. This is your experiential guess that you are separate (in my experience). You feel this a lot if you sit for 90 minutes or longer. It is like the centre out of all the urges to stand up, to worry, to fuck your mind up comes from - it feels like that. When you have an enlightenment experience this tension just loosens up and by default you feel to be everything you can possible perceive. And out of this release of tension I felt that all calmness, all understanding, flow, tears of joy and knowing just came by. If you have this a few times and you see it then tighten up again - loosing tightness and you have this in cycles - you begin to notice how you are mainly talked into the illusion of yourself by your thoughts that come up and everything you come in contact with in the normal society. I just had to think about how as children you tighten up yourself if your mom and dad found out you had a little bit too much fun. This sensation probably manifests at some point in life because you feel it again and again and because this is so unpleasant you begin to play all kind of games to not feel this. And by that you let a seed of separation grow inside you.

dissociation will fail eventually, it takes a transformation of the human being from the human identity to a being of consciousness which is their true and first estate.