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  1. And still I had the desire to come back here and write another comment. There isnt much to say about my current status. It much rather feels like a long term stagnation. I will change things.
  2. Cant remember being that aggressive in a long time. Its really time for a change and this change cant be found in this forum. I remember this quote from Jiddu Krishnamurti basically every day. To understand is to transform what is. I came to this forum like 2 months ago because of some reasons. Now I leave this forum again because of other reasons. See you soon.
  3. Transformation now please. Change will happen. Life is short. I am curious. Change now!
  4. I obviously am not very disciplined regarding my journal. Might as well just stop it. I have a little bit of stagnation time again. The stagnation that I am talking about is absolutely on a different level than it was ever before. The only thing that changed are my expectations. My focus fortunately goes forward. I dont really spend time blaming others or getting lost in negative past experiences. Thats really a big thing for me. So much capacities freed of stupid shit. Next stop: Youtube, god dammit. Youtube? I dont need you. You are television. You are television. I stopped watching television a while ago. Why should I replace television with youtube? It makes no sense. Transformation now!
  5. I think that there is a little more to it. An enlightenment experience is like a twist in a movie. Like a realization that basically changes a lot. I certainly feel as if people in this forum create a cult around the word "enlightenment" but I am not here to critize or whatever. In the end I find it entertaining, so I sort of enjoy it and therefore am part of the problem, i guess.
  6. After tuesday I had wednesday, which wasnt too good of a day. I had some inner struggle that I had to get through. Maybe I also didnt feel too good physically as well. Thursday was a solid day again. So was Friday. Though I had just a little bit of time and couldnt prioritize more eating. Anyway. What did I realize about myself recently? Its a nice feeling to connect with people. Its a nice feeling to move my ass. Its a nice feeling to eat more, because that makes me have more energy. Its important to have priorities.
  7. Forgot to write yesterday. Otherall its a more positive time again. I really try to have a more active way of living and I kinda like it. I once read this quote from Jim Carrey: "SOLITUDE IS DANGEROUS IT'S VERY ADDICTIVE IT BECOMES A HABIT AFTER YOU REALIZE HOW PEACEFUL AND CALM IT IS IT'S LIKE YOU DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY DRAIN YOUR ENERGY" It inspired me a lot. I used to have a very peaceful life. Minimalistic and quite. Just to see myself become obsessed with the silence. This time is over. I am not afraid to go forward. I fall on a regular basis but I get back up sooner or later. Thats the fight. Still looking forward to create more and more vacuum in my life. Most of all its about youtube and internet media that I need to reduce. So much about external stuff, maybe I should focus on talking about my inner situation in this journal. I have a clear and open mind and a priority list. Not much to talk about now. I am just happy the way I am. I have enough energy, probably because I eat more than enough. I like talking to people. I like to go forward and see what life has to offer. Its easy to say now. Its just a matter of time when things change. But thats ok.
  8. I met someone, had a little trip. That was ok. I should appreciate it much more but I am too stupid to do so. Had a vision of creating an implosion for myself. What do I mean by that? I try to eliminate a few things in my life and see what I do with this big amount of vacuum. A vacuum is always filled with something. I am keen to see what new thing I will bring into my life by doing so. Obviously internet is something that I need to reduce big time. My weird desires to get a new gaming console are also pointless. Might as well just stop any kind of thought in this direction. Most importantly I will stop using Youtube just like that. At the same time I will be more aware of all the good things that are in my life. Ah, yes. And as I mentioned, nofap streak. I have a chaotic mind again. I dont like that.
  9. A little journal for myself. I used to have a journal about nofap but this time I will have a bigger journal about basically every aspect of my life. Here we go. I had a bad time this week. The weather was bad. At work I felt like I accepted the stagnation that was happening in the last few weeks. Friday, which was yesterday, I didnt feel anything positive when coming home. I dont expect to meet anyone. I just hope that it will stop raining so that I can go for a big walk. So I went to sleep like super early on Friday night. At least my dream was a little more entertaining. Thats the good part about dreams. When nothing much happened during the day, well the dream will try to cheer me up somehow. Decided to go to the city and do some shopping. Which was refreshing. Still I feel like I am just waiting for the weekend to end. I need to make a few things clear about my job and vacation. I need to know what kind of perspective I have in this company. I will ask a co-worker that I can trust, not my boss, obviously. Anyway. I will work out a little. I have a low level routine that I stick to. Maybe I will try a nofap streak now. Not gonna write much more. Will try to write each day.
  10. I like to keep it as simple as possible since I am a big fan of minimalism in life. Yes, I like some minimal music sometimes But for my inner work and for many other situations I really like some meditation music radio channel or so.
  11. I think that the true beauty of life is all that is. Accepting everything that is. Making a change in your life if you really want to. But there is no right or wrong. This includes me not saying "Suicide is wrong". Because when someone out there makes the decision, who am I to judge? He or she was so selfish commiting suicide? There are a lot of selfish people out there, I guess here in this forum as well. I think I am selfish too. But who am I to control someone elses decision to commit suicide or not? Obviously it is not an easy thing to talk about when someone has a lot of compassion and tries to help someone with suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately my compassion is not the best. I am not here to help others. I try to bring certain change into my own life. And when people in real life see me as a role model, why not. But I will never force my help on others even when its about more serious topics. Statistics say that every 30 seconds or so someone commits suicide. Thats a freakin lot. I had some thoughts as a teenager but I was too patient and now too mature to consider such nonsense. We will die anyway, why speed up this process. The value of life is now. My goal is not that when I am old I will be thinking that I have lived a good life. Because when I will be old the value of life will be that moment somewhere in the future.
  12. You just accept the fact that sometimes in life things dont work out the way we want. Imagine you breaking up with your significant other. It hurts but the pain you feel is an experience that you will carry with you. And probably the next time you will get into a similar situation you will handle it in a better way. But what about the pain now? How do you handle it? You gotta be patient. You suffer until you decide not to suffer anymore.
  13. I think theres no right or wrong in this. You decide how much time you want to invest. The question is how persistent you will be. I think the healthiest way to handle your ego is to just be aware of it and not invest more energy because of a "backlash". In the end the ego is a part of us. Dont treat it as something you need to get rid of.
  14. Didnt read all the responses, I just made an ctrl+f search for the word "appreciation" but the word was not found here. When appreciation for everything has a high priority in everyones life then we are living in a world of maximal "love". I think it is not so important to answer the question "Is everyone able to be loved?". It is a little bit like "Is there a god?". You dont care about every life on this planet, right? So why would you care about knowing whether each of them could be loved. When you start dismantling the word "love" your question becomes unimportant. What is love? Baby dont hurt me, dont hurt me no more! A 16 yo girl says she loves Justin Bieber. An 80 yo old couple that is married for 50 years say they still love eachother. How do you define love? You just define it for yourself exactly as you do it with the word "enlightenment" and stuff.
  15. I destroyed my xbox and I decided to use an alternative OS on my pc that isnt really compatible with most games. But this is just small steps compared to my attitude that changed. I dont see how gaming really improves my life. Now that I have a job, a vision of improving physically and mentally, the desire to travel the world, connect with people and just go beyond my limits in general. In comparison to all of these things I feel like gaming isnt really worth wasting my time on. But still I respect those who still want to play. I played very much and I know that it can be fun.