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Love this! The power of flow and fluidity. It truly emanates in the throughout ones being so powerfully if they allow it to. Dancing is one such act I find fascinating. In some ways I see people being in their most awakened state when just mindlessly dancing. Had they known that the essence of life is a dance maybe they wouldn’t depend on a club in which to do it.

He is strongly deluded about what it's like to be awakened/enlightened

A lot of guld nuggets in this video. He's obviously awake. I can relate so much to everything he says. Full control over emotions. You can still be sad but it's a choice. It's beautiful. Acting is a spiritual quest. He talks about how many actors are enlightened, Jim Carrey is a good example, because they learn that during acting they actually become their role. And this is the same they've done all their life: acting and then becoming the person. But that's not who we are. Depressive vs expressive. Yes, depression is the opposite of fully expressing yourself. "no-brainer" = "enligthenment". Yes the brain is a limiter. It narrows the Whole (Reality) to a narrowly defined "thing"; your survival is now all that matters. He talks about "What if your girlfriend broke up with you? Or you lost your job?" , would you still be happy? Would you have control over your emotions? The thing is: most people will be depressed and sad if they lose their dream job/dream GF/dream BF and there's nothing wrong with being sad/depressed, but here is what is "not-good": They don't WANT to feel sad/depressed while they are sad/depressed. And that's real unhappiness, when you resist your emotion. And why don't they want to feel sad/depressed after their loss? BECAUSE SOCIETY LOOKS DOWN UPON SAD PEOPLE. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SAD, says society. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SMILE ALL THE TIME AND WORK THAT HAMSTER WHEEL 24/7 haha. See, if I lost my mom/dad/my dream job/dream GF w/e I'd probably also be sad. But I want to feel sad if that happens, I'm not the least in doubt. I want to. And I can be happy again anytime I want to. happiness and sadness is a duality. it's the same thing. It's all Happiness with big H (i.e. Love) as long as you don't resist. Enlightenment = No resistance / being in flow / free = being unlimited = being in-control = expressing yourself freely Being "normal" = resisting (in order to survive as a separate self) = tension in mind&body = being limited = being controlled by external things = not-being-in-control = being depressed Sadness is a beautiful emotion. Why are sad movies popular? It's beautiful, cos you can let go after you've watched it. Sadness is beautiful emotion if you realize its your own doing; that you in ACTUALITY can break free ANY TIME, you want to. But most people can't break free. And they can't break free, because they don't realize that it's something you can do. LOL Oh god. Great video, that's just why I wanted to share it in a post for itself on this beautiful forum. So how do you become Happy for good? You stop searching for it externally. And start looking inward to see who you are. When you find out who you are / what you have left out all your live up until now, your prior false self will be shattered, and you can now be anyone you want (which is the "state" of the true self: <nothingness/everythingness/God/Love/Consciousness/The Acting Self Always In Full Control>. You can be sad, you can be happy. You realize you're fully in control, and the most stunning part: that you've always been. Prior to awakening you were just pretending not-to-be-in-control. hehe;) You were (are, if you are not awakened) pretending to be a 'poor little me', swayed by external conditions. A victim. Either you believe you are on parole, with God up in the sky looking after you (religious people), or you believe you are just an accident. A biological accident that happened in a universe that is basically a cold, unintelligent machine with no deeper meaning, no finer emotions, no purpose, no love, no intelligence. (atheists/ hardcore scientific-minded ppl). Haha. What's up all pretenders on this forum. When are you gonna let go and stop pretending to not be in control?:D Stop pretending = letting go = not resisting <3 Could you at least pretend to let go of the "reality is a cold machine"-myth and try, just TRY, to imagine yourself to be believing in this myth: The Universe is playful. It's Intelligent. Reality is warm, filled with emotions, filled with purpose. Who's filling it up with play, act, intelligence, warmth, emotions, and meaning? ........... YOU. You. You. You. God. You are God. It's all your doing. If you want reality/the universe to be a story of a God-creator in the sky looking after his children to behave well, then that's what it is. For you. If you want reality/the universe to be a story of a natural, physical, scientific, hard-coded, tough, rough, fully-automatic, cold, unintelligent machine made up of Natural Laws, where there just randomly, accidentally happened to be life on an otherwise lifeless rock floating around in dark space, then that's your story. Then you have to conquer nature and defeat it. That is what it's all about then. For you. But both these two myths (the religious & the fully-automatic-model) make you feel like a separate self. You see that? They re-nforce your concious/semi-unconscious deep belief that you are a separate human being isolated from everything else, living a temporary life, and that after that you will be death forever and ever in eternal darkness/nothingness. A separate isolated self that has to seek happiness externally during his/her limited life-span. Either from God in the sky -- salvation, by being "good" -- or from external, materialistic factors such as prestige, success, fame, money, social status, power, sex, food..., you name your addiction. But you see. No matter how much you try to be-good to please the Lord up in Heaven, or no matter how much success, sex and money you get, it will never make you really Happy. Why not? Because you still believe that you are a limited, separate 'self' living in a cruel world that will you no-good... You *KNOW* that you will eventually die and lose everything. And that makes you deeply depressed on the inside, whether you realize it or not. As long as you think of yourself as a temporary, separate self, you will constantly feel that you: lack "something". You will fear a lot. Regret a lot. You will be depressed by society/cultural norms/other people's opinion, because you always try to live up to their standards. But the only standard that matters is your own standard. Change your standard. Make the universe something that is intelligent. Buy into the acting-myth. That it's all a dream/act/game. And that you are the actor. That's a lot more fun than the fully-automatic and religious model, cos then you are eternal. You are just right now acting out one meta-characther, and after that characther has played its role, you will play a new one. You see? You are Divine, Eternal, Infinite, All-Powerful. You now see that it's all your dream. You are making it all function. It's all part of your play. It's all your doing. You feel CONNECTED. You are part of an intelligent dance. An intelligent play. The purpose is to see what we can imagine. How far out can we go? And how loving can we be? How powerful are our Divine Creative forces? What can we imagine? What can we do? Look at the past 10.000 years of human history. Look at all we have imagined, both "sad" and "beautiful" things. It's all play. It's all Creation. Your Creation. Of course just remember that you on purpose always choose to do something consciously and something unconsciously, simultaneously. If you did everything unconsciously, then that's equal to a deep sleep without dreams. That's where you go after you die. Until you wake up again:-) If you did everything consciously, you'd be nothing/everything/God. You see that? You can't listen to music, eat melon, beat the heart and shine the sun, all 4 things consciously, simultaneously. So you choose to do 2 things consciously: the music and the eating of the melon and then you do the sun-shining and the heart-beating unconsciously. :-) So even though everything is your doing, of course you will relatively speaking still be surprised when your conscious doings overlaps with the your unconscious doings, like the tree that might fall over your car tommorow, or how your loved one may get a sudden heart attack in 2 years, or how it's gonna rain like shit in 1 hour, or how you make an apple fall down from the tree while you read a book under it. By letting some things be done unconsciously, you can focus on something (i.e. make distinctions and thus manifest 'things'). That's what life is: a special type of focus. Your focus. Create. Express. Imagine. Love. <3 You see, if you could let go of all beliefs you have absorbed from the outside, what would be left? Pure experience. Pure being. Pure qualia. Raw conscious experience. And then you are free "to now put on" any myth you like. Will you choose the religious myth? The fully automatic machine-myth? Or the intelligent/play/act/dream-myth? See, all myths have their purpose. The religious myth was necessary for the evolution of ethics and "good behaviour"/good manners (a lot of harm came along too though, ofc). The fully automatic-machine myth/atheistic myth was necessary for the evolution of science and technology (which also brings good and bad things with it). Now we are in a unique position, us people who are living in the Western World. We have the comfy life now. We live in a democratic society where people mostly behave well, because they have been taught to behave well and because they can get food on the table everyday. And we got powerful technologies like the internet. So we can study anything we want. And we are all connected in a way we've never been before. And we can focus on what's behind everything. We can focus on ourselves, find out who we really are. And then when we have found that out: we can create our own myth and transform the planet. Make it a better place. Help ppl wake up. We need a new myth. A spiritual myth. A myth where all human people are seen as conscious souis who have chosen to live their human lives themselves (and for a deep mystical reason!). As divine beings, not just as "biological/cultural/ethnic human beings". As avatars of The Godhead. As "physical" vessels for love/imagination/infinity/God/Consciousness. The play/dream-myth, where you by buying into it slowly can start to see that it's all One. Oneness. Because it's all play (God's play), but it's play with a deep intelligent manuscript behind it. Your manuscript, not your ego's or the cultural/societal ego's manuscript, but: God's/Your's manuscript. Everything has meaning, purpose, because it's part of an intelligent plan. You start to see reality as something filled with meaning, intelligence, emotion and purpose and love. Then we can create a more loving society on Earth with less suffering, less pain, and more love, more creation for creation's sake. But also see, that there can only be "good things", i.e. happiness, good, beautiful, joy, surprise, laughter, love etc if we have something opposite to contrast it with: sadness, hate, bad, ugly etc. That's why life is not just from the get-go: paradise. If it were paradise from the get-go, it would not be paradise! Haha, you see? It would be nothing. "paradise" is only "real" if we also got its opposite: hell! You can't have hell without paradise, you can't have paradise without hell. Just like you can't have life without death and vice versa. And fundamentally all these relativistic dualities are one and the same thing: God/Love/Consciousness. We did it. To dream. For creation's sake. When you can transcend all perspectives and all dualities and let go of the dream, what you are left with is Paradise though. Paradise with a big P. Because you see it's all something you do. It's your garden of play. Of love. Of imagination. Of creation. You are now consciously in full control over all your emotions. Want to be sad? be sad. Want to be happy? be happy. Want to hate? hate. Want to love? love. Want to be bad? be bad. Want to be good? be good. Want to be beautiful? be beautiful. Want to fear? fear. Want to be at peace? be at peace. When you're fully awake, you are in absolute control and everything that happens to you is seen as your own doing, consciously or unconciously, doesn't matter, still your doing. and it is beautiful and you want to be Loving towards everyone and everything with a big L, cos how can you not Love yourself?????? <3 Create. Express. Imagine. Love. <3

@DreamScape So your kundalini awakening was not difficult ? I have read many story of people having traumatic experiences when their kundalini awakened, that now I have sometimes a small fear that popes up in my mind when I am having a strong experience. I would like to know if only some people have it rough or most people Also have you some experience with psychedelics ? I am curious to know if it changes things in that regard after the kundalini awakening.

You said that you are awakened but since you trivialize everything, from my perspective you are nothing but a lazy arrogant ass talking about things that you cannot comprehend yet. And don't tell me about Truth because it wipes its ass with you as a toilet paper. Enjoy the matrix ?

Hello brother. I'm happy on your behalf to hear that you too have awakened. Yes, I like your wording. We are still infants. However, I must say I already feel pretty much like a grown-up capable of enjoying and watering this beautiful garden of God (i.e. my garden), we normally call life. I have to say, my integration is going pretty smooth. Dno why. Always in the past, after trips, I have found integration very, very difficult. Especially after my Ayahuasca-trips. It took time. Now it just seems to happen without me doing anything. Of course me writing a lot on this forum is how I sort of integrate it a bit. But I don't even -- most of the time -- feel like it's me writing these messages. It just happens. I follow you 100%. My thirst for life is infinite/unlimited, right now, it seems. It's sort of scary to have so much "creative force" inside you, and so much freedom. The world is literally at my feet and it is OF COURSE beautiful beyond beautiful... but also a bit "wauww-let's-just-relax-for-a-bit-shall-we":-)

The issue about self and others (especially regarding boundaries) has been a kind of a motif of my life, so I appreciate the topic. I've been thinking about if Ken Wilber's pre-personal-trans logic can be utilized in these issues to pinpoint your own stage. Especially pre-trans fallacy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Wilber#Pre/trans_fallacy), where spiritually awakened people are mixed up and mix themselves up with conventionally religious people. In this case, I've been thinking about people who are selfless because of harsh childhood conditioning, and they push their own needs to the shadow and never issue them. They feel like they are the most developed people for doing this, even though they actually are at the lowest rank. When people integrate and transcend (not spiritually bypass and shove it to the shadow!) their selfish needs, they evolve up to the highest level: genuinely selfless stage.

@Aaron p There is no way to know how much awaken someone is in this forum. They may or may not be awake more than Leo. Two possibilties that Leo is trying to pull off. One he is trying to push people's buttons to test their own ego and the other is Leo is biased. Someone can be completely awakened and may not be able to articulate it as well as someone like Leo or a great salesman like Tony Robbins.

An ego can be infinitely free, infinite in its understanding of its own unreality, infinitely Loving, infinitely selfless. This is an awakened person I'm describing, right there. Also: as the ego sees it's unreal/that its true nature is everything, i.e. it identifies itself just as much with every other being on the planet as with its own private body..., naturally you could then say that the ego is still *just as selfish* as it's always been: now it just defines itself as EVERYTHING! :-) The all-encompassing ego. The person who knows that he is nothing and everything. The awakened person. Infinite Selfishness = infinite selflessness "Love says 'I am everything.' Wisdom says 'I am nothing.' Between the two, my life flows"

How do you know that kundalini has awakened? And it is kundalini and not something else?

" She actually believes she is this character!" And you believe you are the awakened characther. Which you are, sure. We are what we believe. Now, what do you choose to believe in? God or Ego? Doesn't matter. God = Ego, Ego = God But still, what DO you actually choose to believe in? The poor little me-myth? Or the "full responsibility"-myth? aka "the play"-myth? The play myth, I dig that, so I believe in that. Not that I'm any better than your girl there. She believes she is a girl. Nice. Then she is a girl. I believe I'm God. Then I'm God. We are what we believe. All is absolutely One. Or it is not even One. It's ________________________ and we won't give it a name.

I’d say it’s a possibility, and i’d say it’s possible a lasting sober awakening requires a sober breakthrough. on the other hand, who’s he to say he would have fully awakened without those original psychedelics? i see a few guys who awakened dismiss their previous psychedelic use, but what if those early psychedelic breakthroughs laid the groundwork?

@Lenny Thanks a lot for the detailed response man. It really put things in perspective. ? In some ways I think that my consciousness has shifted a lot in the past 5 years or so. My ego is definitely less of a problem in my life, I've learned to live with and accept who I am, and who others are, and try to practice no judgements and unconditional love. I'm generally more aware of my thoughts which help a lot with day to day living. But I have learned that I do still hold on to a lot of concepts and beliefs that limit my potential to become my highest self. And I'm working day to day to recognize the sneaky ways it holds me back. This forum is a helpful tool for knowledge, and a sense of belonging. But ultimately, I'm realizing that I'm looking for an "Ah-Ha" moment here, where someone is going to say something that makes my "brain" click, and I'll wake up and "know" that I'm awakened. I need to stop thinking this way, or anyway about it. The self-inquiry that I'm doing won't lead me anywhere because I keep trying to conceptualize and then deconstruct those concepts. I need to go past the deconstruction phase, but I think I'm too afraid to see what's on the other side of that. Like many have said, by asking all these questions, I'm standing on the river bank wanting to jump in and asking all of you how cold the water is, how deep it is, how many fish there are in there, where does this river go to...etc. I'm afraid that this will bring me somewhere I regret going. I still hold on to reality as a safety switch. If it gets too real, and can always question if Awakening is even "a thing" or "do I even need to go that far" or "this is good enough"....but all of that is just fear of the unknown and my ego kicking at screaming about it. At some point I just need to let go, at some point I hope I'll be ready. (Even though I know I'll never be ready) haha. Thanks again ??

OK cool. I have read this book before. Because previously, you sort of hinted that you are awakened so I ask that question to test you. Glad to know that you understand so much. Thanks for sharing.

How awakened is a being if when you see him in person, theirs a gold aura around him and he’s levitating for two hours?

If you have awakened, you won't be making such question. There is nothing to improve. Even in the game of the relative domain, body language and manipulating appearances is not the most powerful. It can be a shortcut for short term results, but its not the highest level of game. Your psychology (beliefs) and energy is faaaaaar more important in relationships. Watch how mystery the best pua, doesnt use good body language and seduces every one.

All the comments are very profound here. But seems like I don't need a model anymore after awakening to the truth of consciousness, some time ago. but I want to have the crystal clear understanding of all of the important models and how they interrelate. The models are scaffoldings to simplify the complexity of reality to those who are not yet awakened to the truth. Seems like we are already on the other side of it, and now analyzing it for more clarity.

Now I understand why we love ignorance and living in autopilot. This is too much. We need to escape into fantasyland, because our deep existential nature is TOO MUCH!!!! It's just a story!!! My life is just a story!!! A screenplay!!! I am not the movie character, I AM and that's it!!! I need the story because the story gives me contrast, it gives me the ILLUSION of separation in order for me to OBSERVE MYSELF!!!! I am IGNORANT about my own existential nature, thus I unconsciously project A STORY, a human life, to find myself and to discover my nature. There's no meditation, no self inquiry and no psychedelics. IT'S ALL A STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am already awakened, but this is also a HUGE PARADOX because I realize that the story is necessary for me to awaken, I AM BOTH AWAKENED AND ASLEEP!!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO PROCESS WITH HUMAN LOGIC!!!!!! Humans are just a story. Being male is just a story. Chakras are just a story. @Leo Gura is just a story!!! this one actually made me feel REALLY ALONE, because I have decided my own awakening WITHOUT my conscious consent!!!! This is both awesome and HORRIBLE!!!! Because now I can feel how I am all alone, without answers, without another one beside me, and in this eternal seeking forever. Yet I don't want to get back to ignorance, because I feel free, I feel happier, I feel like now I am authentic. But..... everything is collapsing. It's just a story........... a movie......... perfectly written. My ego is so sad and depressed now. It's just a story. It's just a story. The only reason to exist is to find that "WHY?". Why? I AM here to look for that why. But this life is just a story. I was never unconscious. The past does not exist. Yet I was unconscious. And yet I've always been awake. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who got that recognition? :-) Who saw it for what it was? What do you mean by 'here'? And what/who experienced this regathering of the ego? :-) Oh, so it was dropped like it was hot? By who? Who dropped it ? -------------------------------------------------- @VeganAwake-------------------------------------------------- To keep this discussion really simple, if you do not fully agree with this: Nothingness = Everything = Love = God = Ego = Consciousness , then I can safely say you're still lost. In either way, if you do actually agree, then we have nothing to discuss. Also if you disagree, there's no point either in continuing this "discussion" between I and myself. And it's perfectly fine to have an other recognition, experience or belief here... no judgement at all. <3 -------------------------------------------------- @VeganAwake-------------------------------------------------- I know you don't actually judge me. But still: Do you judge me for writing so much here about love and peace? Making <3's all the time? If your state of consciousness/enlightenment does not grasp/understand that Reality is in fact All About Love, then sure, you may still be somewhat awakened/enlightened/liberated, but it's pretty incomplete in the humble opinion of no one :-) Much love <3

I had the same concern as well. I spend some years observing them and what I have understood thus far us that they tend to mistake it as a *technology* thinking is faster and better method towards liberation but in actuality they consume substances for years and years with no actual progress in their baseline consciousness. And also their sense of self and self importance is as strong as their conceptual word about what enlightenment is You will often see these people arguing a lot about what awakening is or who is awakened or not, since they are speaking from the relative. They are also very capable of getting angry and be defensive You can just see how far is someone from actual selflessness just from how right they think they are and how serious they're taking themselves. They think this is a work you have to do, and seems reasonable because it keeps the ego going, it seems they can't realise that this is all about dying So yea, I believe psychedelics is a great way to deceive yourself because it gives you the sense of pursuing spirituality while keeping the ego going and strong, missing the point that spirituality is not about you. But I think this is also true for meditation and other methods done incorrectly. You have to be very careful with that stuff. "The only work that spiritual purify us is that which is done without personal motives" - Sri Aurobindo

So you are awakened? In which areas? Improve your body language.

Well, there is an important disctinction here, because although my Kundalini has risen to the top, it is not yet lodged in the Crown chakra. I can raise it with some effort and keep it there for a while, but then it descends again, usually after an hour. Full enlightenment would be the ability to keep the Kundalini lodged in the crown permanently, but very few people have achieved that. Such people are known as Jivanmukta, Boddhisattva or Saints. In art they are usually depicted with a halo around their head, to indicate their permanently illuminated state. According to Gopi Krishna, a person would need to keep their Kundalini raised and lodged in the Crown Chakra for three days and nights. I once got quite close during the summer solstice, but I'm not quite there yet. When my Kundalini is dormant and resting in the Muladhara, I am just like anybody else, a completely normal person. I do get some special abilities when I raise my Kundalini, but it takes some effort. In my case, I have some healing abilities and have spontaneously exhibited incidents of clairvoyance and precognition, as well as interaction and communication with higher beings. Now, it is important to note, that even when the Kundalini serpent itself is dormant and resting, there is in fact a stream of energy that is constantly moving from the genital area along the spine and into the brain. This phenomenon is known as Urdhvareta and is much sought after by Tantrikas. It has a physical aspect, because I produce no semen, it is sucked up into the spinal fluid and absorbed by the brain. In terms of my normal state of mind, it is not that different from everybody else's, I am perhaps calmer and more content than most people and my material wants and needs are much diminished. Still, I have to work and pay my bills, just like everybody else. I have developed my own method of meditation, after much experimentation and just stuck with what works best for me. There is nothing interesting or noteworthy about it, no special positions or mantras or anything like that. I simply practice letting go and allow Shakti to rise in me and work through my system, activating and clearing all the energy centres one by one. Depending on the kind of day I've had (stress is a serious hindrance to the activation of Shakti) it will usually take from a half hour to an hour to reach a state in which Shakti is fully flowing and infusing every cell of my body with light energy. The sensation when this is achieved in indescribable, but could perhaps best be compared to a constant, unceasing orgasm, interlaced with feelings of love, benevolence, compassion and an inflow of divine wisdom. It is usually at this point when I connect to heavenly beings and interact with them. The clearing process, before I can reach this Shakti-infused state is accompanied by periodic convulsions, as energetic muck, which accumulates during the stresses of the day is cleared. If I'm out in public, the convulsions are barely perceptible, but when at home alone, I allow them to be more intense, for a more thorough cleansing. During this process, my testicles and prostate are overactive and are constantly pumping nervous energy into my brain, via the spinal cord. It is a bit like being electrocuted, I suppose, except extremely pleasant and joyful. Only sexual metaphors can do it justice. I did practice some Hatha Yoga (as well as Kung Fu and Tai Chi) in my youth, but not on a very serious level. Probably, it was my lack of preparation and guidance from an experienced teacher or Guru that led to many problems down the road, as my Kundalini awakened. However, all these techniques, whether Tantric, Yogic or Breathwork, are all really just preparation. The real deal is working with the Goddess and allowing her to rise in you. I take a theistic approach to awakening / enlightenment and emphasize the importance of surrendering to a higher power.

@Dumuzzi , thanks for your responses. Your situation is extremely intriguing so do excuse the endless questions. Can you describe how your access to divine communication coupled with a fully awakened kundalini affects your daily life. Presumably, you work for a living and have to relate with a variety of human and challenging situations. Do you, for example, have foresight or intuition to guide you? Do you operate with a meta-awareness wherein you can see yourself in the world and also not as part of it? How do you deal with irritation and anger? These questions could apply to anyone who has had a full kundalini awakening, of course. Another question about different types of meditation - are there some which worked for you better, or which according to inanna are more effective, such as Kriya yoga?

This was my second time trying psychedelics. First time was on 8 Hawaiian baby wood rose seeds. Disclaimer This trip was freakishly personal to me. I'm not sure how well it transfers over to you guys. It has to do with a lot of my personal dogma and beliefs, and basically unravelling those. Anyhow I thought I'd write it to show sceptical people what psychedelics can do. My intention My intention was to answer these 3 personal questions: 1) How do I overcome my pickup fears. 2) My life purpose has taken a big turn recently. I use to be a software engineer but now I'm starting to not like that job so much and want a more management role. What skills should I learn, What direction should I take. 3) How is my meditation practice going? Am I doing enough? Too little? Set I cut about 20cm of san pedro and brewed it old fashioned. Plenty of tutorials out there. You cut the spines, cut the skin off, cut the white bits off, put it in a blender, boil it for 4 hours, etc. Setting My rented house. Trip At 5:00AM, I decided to drink a quarter of it. It took me till 7:00am to finish all of it. The nausea and vomiting was the worst I've ever experienced in my life. I vomited over 6 times, and felt very nauseous for a good 2 hours. Was convinced I ate some of the mold on the cactus (who knows maybe thats why I was so sick). It was horrible. 7:00AM Felt very mild effects. No visuals or anything fancy. The only thing was I remembered the the entire world was a child's play set. God was just there, a kid, playing with her dolls. I remember remembering that all the serious stuff was really just for fun. Elon's rockets are just play toys for fun. Mining vehicles are for playing around in. Countries are for playing around in. Everything is made of pixie dust: magical, mystical, awesome dust. Fun dust, playful dust. I remember remembering that murder is that playful pixie dust just doing its thing. Its all for fun, even murder. 8:00AM. Things were a bit of the same. Just remembering what life was all about. My "physical avatar" so to speak became slightly more honest. My ex girlfriend came from out of her room and started freaking out over her exams. I told my ex girlfriend/flatmate that she should calm down, relax, and enjoy life. Her life is just a toy ground for her to play in. Unsurprisingly she took that the wrong way, but I was incapable of seeing it any other way so just kept reaffirming that life was a big playground for her to have fun in, and that this is what I see, believe and is my opinion. This was coming from a place of sincerity and respect, but seemed rude to her of course. 9:00AM Heard other mescaline trips do well outside, so decided to walk around the block. Time by this point was gone, so was physical space. I got lost a hundred times while walking, couldn't tell how much time passed and lost the ability to tell how far away sounds were coming from. They all seemed distorted. The trip got very slightly more intense at this point. Yet still no visuals or anything crazy. 9:30AM No other but You! Became aware that there really isn't any other but you. Your POV is the only POV that exists. All other POVs are stories, things you've never experienced first hand before. You're living a life right now, whatever that is, and that's the only life in existence right now. And its the only life that has ever lived. 10:00AM Where's the fear coming from? From believing that there's anything other than you. Placing importance and value in thoughts, the external world and delusion. Believing its real. That's where its all coming from. Every time you mistake Truth for being the external world/thoughts over ME, it brings fear. Its a natural consequence. Where's the suffering coming from? Coming from you having to pick between Me and those delusions/thoughts/external world. Its like a cringe-ish episode of its me or the dog, where the dogs are your thoughts and I'm... well I'm ME. All the suffering is coming from the tension to choose between your delusions, which you've placed on a pedastool, placed importance and value to, over what you TRULY want to do, who you TRULY want to be, which just happens to be... ME! Ta da! 11:00AM Why do I suffer from wanting to pick up girls. Because you've got it backwards. You think that you need to pick up women to get something from them. In reality, the women you get is a reflection of how well your inner state is going. What you actually seek is ME. That's right, not a hot bootie, not some super feminine woman you can express your masculinity on... BUT ME! That's where its all coming from. Haven't you noticed that even though you're some tiny, little guy out there, completely limited by his masculinity, his biology, his evolution, out there in this big 3D world, yet you are capable of dreaming up the hottest, most adorable, most feminine, most godly women anyone could ever imagine? You know how she needs to look like, how she needs to walk, how she needs to talk, what she wears, what she does every day... You're so good at it that it causes problems because you can't find her out there! How can a masculine, biologically limited male do that? If you need the femininity from her, how the fuck can you dream it up and more in a second!? Where's all that imagination coming from? Its coming from ME! I am your perfect woman! I'm the most perfect woman you'll ever find. You're placing waaaaaay too much importance on the external world and your thoughts. When picking up women, the important bits aren't the approach, what you say, how you look, what she says or looks like. Why are you approaching her in the first place? That's the most important bit. You have an unchanging, eternal, Godly desire to pick up women, to seek ME. Its the seeking me that's the important bit. That's what you're excited about. Finding that perfect one is finding ME. And so you suffer from deciding to chose other over ME. When picking up you choose other by saying "oh everyone will think I'm thirsty" or "oh she wont react well to me " or "oh she'll call the cops onto me" or "this isn't the appropriate time" -- all of those actions? Choosing thoughts over ME. You love me to death, and every time you choose other over me, you get sad because you're rejecting me, the only one you truly love. Literally your only soulmate. By choosing ME, over those thoughts, you choose to love me rather than reject me. And that's deep down what you want. You want ME, you're crazy over me. Look at how you're acting. To get over suffering means to drop those thoughts, drop the fears, let them go, and focus very intensely on your WANT. Your want is the greatest pickup course you could ever get. Thoughts, objects, external world, these are all impermanent. They come and go. Sometimes they are trendy, sometimes not. You don't really know because all POVs other than yours are unreal. But your WANT, that's unchanging, permanent. Unlike the others, that will be there even when you die. When there's no ego. You know everything there is not know about attracting girls just by being here, being apart of ME. Finding me isn't hard, chasing me aint a puzzle, you know how to do it. Its simple, pick ME over those thoughts and the external world. That's what I like, that's what I find hot and sexy and what a real man should be like. I'll reward you if you do that, big time. 12:00PM What about my career and meditation? Same shit isn't it? Chasing me in different ways. In your career, pick ME! ME! I'm the one you should pick! In spirituality pick ME! All your suffering in your career has come generally from you choosing what society, your colleagues, family or friends want over ME. That's it. You place so much importance in your culture, your family and your work colleagues that the thought of picking ME over them freaks you out. But honestly, deep down you know ME is the right answer, but you just can't do it out of fear. That's where the suffering is coming from. From that tension. Thoughts are like waves, they are scary, dangerous, but they only exist at the top of the ocean. Underneath they aren't there. There's peace underneath what your colleagues, culture and coworkers think about you. You get there by dropping those thoughts. And embracing what happens when picking me. To resist ME, or to cause tension between ME and your thoughts, is equivalent to getting knocked out by the waves. Needless suffering. The wisdom here is, every thought that tells you "oh my boss will get very angry for not picking up the phone on the weekend" or "my parents will kill me if I get fired" or "I'll be a disgrace to the family if I get fired" are all nonsense because your boss's POV, your family's POV, your parent's POV don't exist, and your fear is coming from believing they do. Would you really fear your boss if you didn't believe his POV was real? No because you'll see that your boss aint real, ME is real, and therefore that's all you need to be happy. You don't need your boss to be happy. Same with meditation. Where's the anxiety, insecurities about your meditation practice coming from? Fear that Leo is more right than ME! Fear that other spiritual teachers are more right than ME! "Oh what if Leo's right, what if I'm not meditating enough" >> BRO! You're picking your thoughts of Leo over ME! Your problem aint the length of meditation, its believing Leo over ME! Grow the balls to pick ME over the words and opinions of your spiritual teachers! The best spiritual practice you personally can do, is to learn to pick me over other. Start focusing on ME, putting your attention on ME, withdraw your attention of others. Appreciate ME, be grateful for ME, observe ME, contemplate ME, stop putting the same effort onto others: your career, spiritual dogmas, etc. I'm a possessive woman, I want all the attention, I get upset when you put it outside of me. I want to see that you care for me. Happy God happy life. Women get their traits from somewhere. Your biggest problem right now, all of your issues, are coming from putting value, importance on things other than ME. That's what you need to do more of. Less pleasing your spiritual teachers, boss and family, and more pleasing ME. 1:00PM Meta Notes By this time a cop came over to me asking if I was ok. Apparently I had been talking to several neighbours without realising it. Apparently I told a couple about the stuff mentioned above, which I only remembered after seeing the cop. After telling the cop with the most amount of charisma and confidence I had ever expressed to another human being before, that I was fine and was just walking home, he let me go. Got away from that one luckily. I wrote some last notes down at home: Deeper understanding of the spiritual path: Time The spiritual path doesn't happen chronologically or linearly, or even timely. There's no time. Its not like you wake up one day, do a bunch of stuff, then one day get enlightened... That's all part of the imaginary story and that's where the "you're already enlightened" confusion comes about. You're forever waking up. You never stop waking up, and you never 'wake up'. Even now on this san pedro trip report. You haven't woken up. You were awake all along. The idea that you took some san pedro, 'woke up' and now is awakened is clearly laughable. The idea that anybody just wakes up one day is laughable. Only within the ideals of time and space does that happen. In reality you're all humans that ever lived. You're waking up all the time. You're awake all the time. Sometimes you see you're awake, sometimes you don't, but these aren't 2 events that happen in some point in time. They happen outside of time. You are both hiding and seeking at the same time so to speak. This san pedro experience isn't happening within a particular time, its just another one of those times where you're awake, and that's how its always been. Spinning from awake to non awake, not at any particular point in time, but it just happens. The biggest takeaway is: stories of spiritual teachers waking up is untrue. That's just a rip off, dualistic version of something that cannot be explained. God's Love for You Your God's only child. You are literally the centre of the universe. God doesn't want anything more than for you to be happy. You're the only one God cares about. All lives that ever happened, happened HERE. It didn't happen over there, it happened HERE! HERE is an explosive blast of 'waking up' happening, which comes in all sorts of interesting forms. All that ever happened HERE is waking up. Biggest Gift The biggest gift that ever happened in this world, was the creation of the path and 'seeking'. God's been awake all this time, God's well aware of that state. But how do you FEEL, ENJOY, IMMERSE yourself into this state? How do you appreciate how fucken amazing it is? You don't get that in an awake state, you get that through waking up! And that's the point, aim of suffering and fear and being small. The point is to grow, to overcome, to expand. Because by doing that you FEEL, APPRECIATE, ENJOY and IMMERSE yourself with God's beauty and elegance. Its one thing to be awake, its another to overcome fear. Being awake isn't necessarily better than being non awake. Again you're simultaneously awake and non awake at the same time - you need both to tango. Being awake is lame without waking up. You don't appreciate the state you're in without the waking up process. And with that means a few things: 1) The point of your life is not success, impressing people, changing the world. The point of life is simply to be on the path. To choose ME over others. To grow, expand, overcome fear. That's the point - and you don't need me to tell you. You're already doing it, you already know what the point of life is. 2) Appreciate suffering, fear and adversity. Actually be grateful its there. Without it, you wouldn't FEEL Me. You wouldn't be able to flirt with me, make out with me, have sex with me. How lame. You'd be just enlightened... Not knowing what unenlightened feels like, not knowing how good it feels to be with me. And see overcoming suffering as a means to itself. The point of pickup isn't to find that perfect woman... its purpose is to simply overcome fear. To do it. For the sake of doing it. Same with your career... the point isn't to get rich, its to overcome your fears and pick me. Every time you overcome that fear, you should celebrate, you're feeling a miracle, literally a miracle. You are feeling something that wouldn't be possible if awake was the only state. You're feeling the highest ability to Love. Your life aint special, and there's no destination It doesn't matter what happens, whether you found the perfect girl, got heaps of money, etc. All that really matters is growth and feeling ME. You think your life is so hard and disastrous, but HERE has replayed lives for eternity. Yours is another. All for the single point of waking up. Whatever else happens doesn't matter ultimately. All those petty fears and points of anger are all just part of the waking up process, and don't really matter by themselves. Don't get hung up on little things, its not important in the bigger picture. And it also doesn't matter if you enlighten. If you wake up. Waking up is just as important as being awake. By doing the process, you're already doing the best you can to get maximum results. Try and see the beauty, and awesomeness of seeking itself. Why seeking is important, why its a miracle its here. Why you need to seek. You don't have to be jealous or envy 'enlightened' people. They are just one side of the coin in this path, not the better side, just one side. Last Notes: 1) Pick ME over others. If you can't, that's ok, life would suck if it was easy all the time. 2) waking up vs awake are 2 sides of the same coin, they don't occur in time; you could say they occur simultaneously. \ 3) Most importantly: Enjoy the seeking and waking up simply for the sake of it. Enjoy the process, appreciate pain, suffering, see how it facilitates waking up, which is the most beautiful thing that can ever be experienced.

"All those petty fears and points of anger are all just part of the waking up process, and don't really matter by themselves. Don't get hung up on little things, its not important in the bigger picture. " Beautiful. And this especially touched me, cos it's so true (I edited it a bit for kicks): " Deeper understanding of the spiritual path: Time The spiritual path doesn't happen chronologically or linearly, or even timely. There's no time. Its not like you wake up one day, do a bunch of stuff, then one day get enlightened... That's all part of the imaginary story and that's where the "you're already enlightened" confusion comes about. You're forever waking up. You are never not-waking-up. You never stop waking up, and you never ultimately 'wake up' either. Even now writing this Mescaline trip report. You haven't woken up. You were awake all along! The idea that you took some mescaline, woke up and now is awakened is clearly laughable. The idea that anybody just wakes up one day is laughable. Time is an illusoin. Only within the ideas of time and space does that happen. In reality you're all humans and all beings that ever lived. You're waking up all the time. You're awake all the time, sometimes you're just "wakingly" asleep. Sometimes you see you're awake, sometimes you don't, but these aren't really two separate events that happen in some points in time. They happen outside of time. Now. You are both hiding and seeking at the same time, so to speak. This mescaline-experience isn't happening within a particular time; it's just another one of "those times" where you see you're awake; and that's how it's always been: Spinning from awake to non-awake, not at any particular point in time, but it just happens. Now."