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I could not find a right title, and there are a billions of issues, due to the nature of what I went through and health, I have not been able to find anyone to help me with the issues since birth, and the ideas and solutions I have are mostly destroyed by the inability for humanity or the others; to be more spiritually insightful to get into the root cause, hence it's my responsibility to find a solution, I have been looking into archetypes based on the fundamental notions of some calculations and time, and time archetypes as I had some "chrone" types of experiences, and integral psychology the book creates, a lot of insight, but I feel and notice the doubt of humanity and the weight of that pain. I have been looking for stability with other, but the hypernarccistic expansion of perception and the in-abillity of the social structure of once here once was empathy has turned into a desire for capital money, gain and the denial the money and value is part of love, and the core issue of love. So many, things happend: I still ruminate suicide a lot, due to issues of thought and the pain I have since birth, but most psychologist are stuck in moder-post-modern levels of thinking from problems that stem from pre-rational to post-rational levels, and the pain of correcting or healing myself is awesome, but it's a lot of racist remnants from WWI and the effects of interacting with people here and their pain-body with Rudolf Steiner and Tesla, and other scientist how racist that era was, and how much violence has occurred, and the issue of the Ideation of race itself, d.n.a., turkey and Iran especially, their ideaology, the issue of color, and just my recent experiences. I got banned as I could not handle anymore my "coping" and the issue of being more social to be and get help, and that dragon swallowing you and devouring you etc. I found out that Leo's first name was part of Greeks Odyssee, with Alexander, Dimitri and Leo and the issue of Christ and religion and the whole issue with nature mystecism, the regress Ken Wilber was talking about and more patterns that I was correct, but could not express due to pain, especially as my first name is Dimitri, and I am using Wu-Xing generally speaking I had so many odd experiences and they all are Kriyas, I made to many excellent choices that turned into pure hell and purgatory, from multiple perspectives, the larger whole of what I yearn to say is: I found some answers if I will ever unify my psychedelic experiences and find possible terms and alternative terms or simply nothing to see and experience the credibility I found out a lot about humans; but I really required a forum or medium, so many things technically broke, as I learned and I found new patterns and ideas, but the core issue is the translation to put it into my understanding of Wilbers framework, and the core issues I had in my family, I yearned also to post this publically, as this was the only thing that gave me safety to the pain of the lies and the education of what I experienced with my mother, and her racist attitudes as well as inabillity to empathize due to them, like white liberals need white liberal training as they are in lie, they only seek lust, but can't find the meridian to turn lust and love into the purity of spirit, soul and evolution... most black men and I am partially black and others do that, and that level of commitment and depth goes to the deepest levels of rumi.... I found some answers in terms of order and vision, but the issue of the scientific paradigm and statistics, especially and worldviews since the 19th hundreds has internally not changed for me in my friendships, especially recently they have all been part of that and I had very deep revelations of the nature of spirit, but to read the symbolic holism and integrative hierachy behind it, as well as mastering integral language, as the more deeper you get I am 100% confinced that Lucifer and Ahriman did incarnate from this Paul Check video, and that fundamentally caused the issue with Iran. It's the deepst archetypal hunch I have due to this IW/IR patterning and the synchronicity of the time and birth of my favorite book integral psychology as many answers are applied, I cry so often, I can't even get to the notes due to the level of insights that pattern alone created the notes and last sections or Ken Wilber himself is a very deep IW/IR integrative patterning from BaZi. Science has to advanced into the true spirit of the causal, Steiner etc. to reinterpret that without their statistical bias, and the lack of scientific rigour ever since latin and greek disappeared bothers me deeply ever since I lived here, the lack of integration in that space, especially to let go and cleanse out pain is incredible. Btw, this is the best channel I found for meditation recently, I am very much done with stuff, but I yearn to understand Gödel, Nikola Tesla, Lada Love Lace, and some secret societies and orders, to take the esoteric and see what was exotertically true, and some mathematical allegories eventually, if I can get into 4d space downloads and insights, and the core issue of being a passionate mathematician, identity, and the current issue of our times. I'd like to report I went through so much, this place has been the only refuge I had, when society is utterly crumbling, but integral is building some human space to heal from that era, tbh. I am personally as a German not over WWII Shinzen and others telling me about the traditions as they are afraid they die, and the anger as well as compassion for and with Iran, and I've been using BaZi and Steiner as a lense, as the Wu-Xing, Goethe etc. are interconnected, but to write with that purity and the issue of IW/IR I saw what happens with Wilber, myself and my aunt, God will bend you, God will break you, and your will is your will. YOU ARE ONE. That is the entire issue I go through let alone with my own real names, how far they echo back into eternity, and the issues of how many traditions have realized GOD, has brought nothing back or stabilizing it. The only thing humanity should to is to stabilize god, and reduce violence and heal. The level of commitment and what I envisioned and if it's true, but most issues I had are more survival especially as a lot of trust in humanity has been broken, and a lot of things deepended on this pattern, but it turned so evil. I want, there are a lot of issues, due to success, and the issue of GOLD as well as the issue of beauty and GOD, Goethe and GOD and the interconnections, but I will make this a brief recollcetion!

- Feel free to comment, ask questions, give unasked advice, use this post for resources, etc. ( all under your own risk and judgement ) Basically, the idea is that I'll be documenting and sharing my journey of chelation. I'm a noob for now, but I expect to gather a decent chunk of understanding throughout this year. This has been on my to do list for over a year now, and I've been motivated recently by Leo dropping the long awaited episode on chelation released for my birthday ?. Sadly, the episode is not as detailed as I'd like it to be and I'm afraid he may have forgotten some crucial information. But if there is time to whine, there is time to roll up my digital sleeves and get to work and research. Let's hope my journal doesn't end up being a Brian Bander's Suicide note 2.0 (RIP)

Thought are part of the process that we call "I", same as breath. Then in "I", the human procces, there is a center that predicts and decides. This center, the self, is real, it's a process that is happening that have neurological structures created by evolution. That self sees itself as a subject that perceives objects. You could say that all this is a model of the reality created by the brain, but it's also real. Maybe it's been created, but anything else is been created by the relative interactions that finds the way that's possible just because it's possible. The external world is no more real than the mind, both are the reality being created by the relationship between states that overlap in a coherent and stable way, creating increasingly complex patterns. one of them is, for example, a star, another a mind. They are both real. If a subject arises in that mind who can hold his breath or commit suicide, that subject is as real as anything else.

I'm curious. Does solipsism mean it won't affect anyone? Is there a soul, progress lost? How bad is it overall? Or can it be good? What if you're a human working on polarity vs a wanderer here to help, or is that outside Leo's scope? I have my own views as Bashar, but am curious.

The funny thing is body born for help, some with kind words, some with money wise help, some with curse. Yet for me, doesn't really fucking matter. Because, You guys are all one. Identical. But the mask attached with @Leo Gura, @cetus and you @Inliytened1 are wearing spiritual charlatan costumes. Some people even suicide due to reach this bullshit higher consciousness because of @Leo Gura This is not mine, but body and mind's altercation and reaction to worldy reality. But, at the same time I really don't give a fuck. Edit: actually, you @Inliytened1, you are good person.

I've been psychotic myself and it landed me in jail so if I were you I would work very hard on training your consciousness before thinking of quitting your medication. Be extremely careful with it and work on grounding mechanisms as you are basically betting your life on this. How it works is you have to deconstruct your reality and what you even are and watch out for your human self. You have to prioritize your safety over any type of realizations or phenomena that you experience. Now that you know what psychosis feels like you should be able to control it much easier. Ask yourself these questions, even if you do hear your family's voices in your head why does that really impact your daily life? Why did you try to commit suicide on the road? Thinking about your mom while masturbating is clearly a very unplesant thought but it shouldn't distabilize you enough that you run on the street naked. Watch some sigmund freud videos on Youtube and realize the mind is a very weird thing and it imagines all kinds of weird concepts literally pehaps all weird concepts imaginable. I've thought about my dad shitting before and what if I'm attracted to my dad since I'm bisexual and I told my mind to cut it out with the weird thoughts I don't want to think about this and it works over time. Don't reject your thoughts but don't let your mind rule you also. It's so common for gay or bisexual conservatives to flip the fuck out and violently prosecute or antaganonize LGBTQ people for example because they judge their own urges and mind. Just accept it and move on but also train yourself to have control over it. Thoughts are not actions, it's not because you have any kind of thought that it has to lead to you taking an action. Sit down and really ponder it over especially if it's gonna lead to some major consequenences that reality has to make happen for you to be coherent and tangible. The fact that you are blaming the medication for making you obese is not a good sign of ultimate agency and control of the mind. It's not because a substance makes you really hungry and low energy that you should stuff your face. Of course it's difficult but the low agency road to life leads in poor results whether you are on anti-psychotic medications or not. Also better anti psychotics are coming out all the time so it's unnessary to take the risk of going off of them. If you wait 10 years you will have even better therapy and better meds available. I told my buddy one time to go off his anti psychotics and just meditate and he landed in the psych ward a few days after so I don't really advise that anymore.

My mother overdosed to death when I was 5. This has been a deeply ingrained imprint in my psyche. I'm now 24, NEET and shut-in for the majority of the past 8 years. I find myself wanting to follow in her footsteps. Suicide has long been a fantasy for me, it's the only imagined future I find solace and believability it. I simply do not want to work, I do not and can not exert strain on my mental and physical system. I've walked out of four jobs thus far, all of them because of a culmination of stress and future oriented dread. Before I was prescribed my adhd medication in my 20s my depression got to such a level where my skin was growing layers of dirt I could scratch off, only after my prescription did I get the kick to my system to get the 4 aforementioned jobs (all in retail). I really just feel like I'm not on the same level as other humans functionally and this is an intrinsic part of my life. Just extreme brain and psychological damage from my gestation and formative years. I realised Oneness, me as the Godhead as the Universe dreaming me on LSD and DMT last year. So I can't buy into the "after death is a nothing void forever" cop out. And even tho I've learnt a lot more forgiveness towards other people I still don't know how to relate to others when interacting with them, I've just only ever derived trauma and discomfort in my interactions with others and we never are on the same footing in regards to our values and interests and sensibilities. I'm just so not built for physical survival, every movement of my being is averse to practicality, health and prudence. I find myself wanting to extricate myself from being a leech on my aunt and uncle and just go homeless and see how I fare, it might give me the sober urgency I need to get my life in order or maybe I'll find I don't mind it, homelessness runs in the family anyway. I don't know what I'm looking for here, advice I guess. I know outsourcing responsibility on how to decide my life is counter to the ethos of this site but I'm just not that guy... The mental health system on this island has also been terrible, I was even in the psych ward for a few weeks and couldn't get seen by any psychologist because they're just too shortstaffed all around. Any therapy I've tried has been trite lifestyle advice I was already implementing at the time and there's just a preoccupation with diagnosing over investigating.

I mean, you can dissuade them if you don't want them to commit suicide. But pointing to very general and abstract individual beliefs they hold to explain their proximity to suicide is a game of statistical whack-a-mole. Is the belief in an afterlife causing suicides? What about the belief that nothing happens after you die and it's just a blank nothingness? What about reincarnation? What about "everything is love"?

If you actually read what Nahm wrote to SoonHei in the quoted PMs, he pointed to the idea that you can't really use "life is a dream" to conclude that taking your life is a preferable action over simply honoring life, and that acting in such a way would be based on a misunderstanding. And remember, people in the "Leo runs a cult" videos want to draw the same connection that you're doing now, that even engaging on the idea that "life is a dream" is already too far and is causing suicides. It seemingly doesn't help to actively dissuade someone against suicide without simultaneously lying that "no in fact, life cannot be said to be a dream in any way, forget that you ever thought that, forget that we ever said that".

Neo-advaitans don't believe what they say, they wouldn't say it if they did because 'there's nobody' to say it to. It's just an attempt to bypass therapy and an aversion to some nagging issue they have, it's intentional dissociation from life - that absolutely fosters suicide, it's toxic and psychosis inducing. Neo-advaita isn't even spiritual, it's similar to prosperity preaching.

I don't believe that platitudes are responsible for the suicide . . at best it was probably neutral and didn't changed the outcome.

@Carl-Richard That Nahm dude cannot be defended. He replied with non-dual platitudes to someone that was seriously about to commit suicide. And that someone did commit suicide in the end. I'm not saying Nahm was responsible. But he was clearly unwise and irresponsible.

A bit of background about me: I was born and raised in Somalia. I used to watch Leo since I was 14/15. I moved to the UK about three years ago. I lost my brother due to suicide two years ago. I have left islam and I'm not sure whether I'll be able to stay in the UK or not. I have been doing deep research on how I can take my life painlessly. I have no family around. Everything feels meaningless. I didn't think it’d get to this point three year ago. You'd be surprised how ambitious and hard-working I was. I'm in pain and just want to go. I know it’s a cowardly thing to do, but the world isn't nice and we're all going to die anyways.

If I would have to bet my money on it, I would bet that Connor, during those last 6 years, was more happy than the average person. I don't think it was a suicide. I think it's likely that his death was actually caused by not enough neuroticism rather than too much.

Y'all better strap up cause this is one of the craziest experiences I've had in the game so far and I don't mean that in a positive way. First and foremost: I'm so done dealing with these girls, man. Not only does dating take time away from my purpose and self-actualization journey, but the quality of women that I'm meeting are not even worth the sacrifice. There's always something fucked. Either she has multiple children at a very young age, or we're incompatible in our love-languages, or the sex is terrible, or she's just blatantly irresponsible, or she has some mental issue or crazy STI, or whatever. There's always something! But this last situation takes the cake for one of the WORST experiences I've had in the dating game in the last 10 years, no joke. Funny thing is that I took the entirety of June off from dating in order to reground myself and build a lifestyle that felt good for me independent of outside forces. Come July, I decided to get back in the game again with this new foundation established and literally the FIRST girl I get involved with leaves me completely traumatized! STORY-TIME -- literally shaking while I'm typing this -- Met this lady through daygame on the 1st of July. It was a short interaction where I found out that she was visiting my city from a nearby country because she wanted to check out the vibes and decide if she wanted to move here. She's beautiful, petite, in the mood for an adventure with the possibility of something more if she decides to stay, so "Sweet," I thought. We exchanged numbers and made plans to see each other this weekend when I would show her around the city. Unexpectedly, however, we spontaneously met later on that same day, after a little bit of texting, and she ended up spending the night (no sex, though, she was a virgin so we decided not to rush it). Fast forward a couple days and I end up seeing this girl yesterday again but this time I spent the night at her hotel and also spent a good chunk of today with her, too. The vibe was very sexual, romantic, sweet, cuddly, adventurous, open, vulnerable, etc. I wasn't even thinking about sex much because we were having so much chemistry together. Awesome, right? Well.. come to find out, this girl migrated to my city because her family basically disowned her, she has no friends, has a pending court date because she amassed MASSIVE debt due to using credit cards to buy shit for herself without the intention of ever paying it back, has stolen her parents' car without having a driver's license, has no money nor ANYWHERE that she could possibly go after she checks out at her hotel -- which basically means she might end up homeless yet seems very unbothered about that -- and keeps joking around that she wants to get married and have babies together. As I progressively learned more and more of the above points of interest, I went from empathetic, to sympathetic, to worried about her, to then suspicious of her, then straight up afraid that I may have ended up with a girl who is looking to move in with me, to horrified that I am dealing with a very unstable person -- that last part, I came to when I excused myself to the bathroom this morning to rub one out in order to harness the divine wisdom of post nut clarity. We had plans to spend the whole day together exploring different free festivals in the city but it was becoming obvious that this isn't a girl that I want to get super involved with but that I also couldn't just let her fend for herself. I literally had to reprimand her multiple times about the fact that she's not taking her situation seriously and that she should be coming up with a plan for what the hell she's gonna do when her checkout date (tomorrow, on sunday) comes! I did a shit ton of research on her behalf to find woman-friendly shelters and various organizations that could help her. When I finally came up with a plan for her, I took her back to her hotel room pre-maturely and basically let her know that this aint gonna work out but I wanna help her by accompanying her to the shelter and assisting her in getting in contact with the right people. She denied my offer, understandably, because she was hurt that I didn't want to be with her and after a fucking hour of trying to comfort her enough so that we can discuss the VERY URGENT PRACTICAL MATTERS AT HAND, I decided that we weren't getting anywhere and I should just leave and go home -- which I did -- only to receive a suicide note in the form of a whatsapp message from her, saying that she's gonna hurt herself and wishing me the best! Holy %$^# shit. Now I'm freaking out. I call the police, asap, and give them whatever info they need to intervene before anything happens to her. After 20 minutes, they call me and they start asking me very specific questions about "my side of the story" and I'm getting a weird vibe from the officer. He's asking me where I live, my social security number, the nature of my relationship with this girl, the extend of our physical intimacy, etc. And I'm thinking to myself now "ah, shit... what did this crazy girl say to the police, man.." Anyway, I know I didn't do anything wrong so I answer truthfully and then ask the officer if there's any way he can assist the girl by getting her to a shelter or something. He's like "Nah, dude, we're police officers not Green Peace" (he didn't say that, but that was basically the subtext behind his words). Anyway, we hang up and now this girl is blowing up my phone freaking out about me calling the police on her, me not wanting to be with her, accusing me of manipulating her, then begging me to come back to her hotel and talk, then she switches back to anger and accusations and I'm like "Dude... What. The. Fuck. Did. I. Get. Involved. With." I'm leaving a lot out because I could write a whole paper on the events that transpired but I basically ended up having to block her because she kept fucking texting and calling me. Before I did, though, I did send her all the info that she needs to find shelter and get help in case she does end up homeless. And now here I am, in the peace of quiet of my room, with my cortisol levels spiked to infinity and contemplating my entire life. I literally took a break from all dating and socializing in order to ground myself in love and build a life that fulfills me, which I successfully did, and the MOMENT I come back to the game, this shit happens. I'm so upset, man! I'm seriously contemplating staying single for life at this point. Women may have brought out the best in me in the past and have been present during some of the best experiences of my life, but they have also been responsible for some of the absolute WORST and now that I have experienced the level of fulfillment that is possible when one is just doing their own thing in isolation, it makes no sense to risk ever dealing with shit like this again in the future. If you read this far: Thank you, so much. I needed a listening ear.

Who is to say they aren't the ones who will lead to your downfall? Why would you believe in psychiatrists? They are ideologically captured by the state. They do not serve you; they unconsciously serve the organism that maintains society. -- If Connor was doing so many drugs, it's because he was looking to die and melt into nothing. He suffered. It’s not because he didn’t look like a cliche suicidal and depressive person that he wasn’t one. To me, it’s quite clear he was longing to die and finally succeeded. You don’t need to take a bunch of direct killing pills to attempt suicide. What he was doing was a slow call for death because he never ever healed from the trauma of not being enough.

Right now, I have no wounds whatsoever. It felt painful before awakening to my true nature and during the process. But those were healed as awareness crept in—I could sense how the pain subsided. I did not have to heal myself—the higher level of consciousness did that for me. And I remember how much pain I was in before starting to meditate: Toxic shame, insecurity, no discipline whatsoever, and unable to keep a basic job. I was addicted to social media, junk food, weed, and so forth. All that had to go away, or my life would have been ruined. While it is true that I sacrificed my ego and other forms of pleasure, that doesn't mean I lost something. Because the bliss of awareness is much more enjoyable than anything in the world or of the ego. I'm not saying that all people should do what I did; I am only saying that force was necessary sometimes, and that it's no easy game to overcome the ego. And the way I see it now is that it's not a tragedy or something bad that happened to me. I see it as a little bit of ego an struggle. That's it. And that's true, Elliott. For some people, because they struggle with heavy mental health issues, they will experience horrible side effects as a result of meditating. But they can be transcended and eventually healed. I went through that because I come from both families with harsh intergenerational trauma. My grandfather committed suicide.

Nope 60-70 BBC https://www.bbc.com Do we really live longer than our ancestors? Back in 1994 a study looked at every man entered into the Oxford Classical Dictionary who lived in ancient Greece or Rome. Their ages of death were compared to men listed in the more recent Chambers Biographical Dictionary. Of 397 ancients in total, 99 died violently by murder, suicide or in battle. Of the remaining 298, those born before 100BC lived to a median age of 72 years. Those born after 100BC lived to a median age of 66. (The authors speculate that the prevalence of dangerous lead plumbing may have led to this apparent shortening of life). 2026 The median age of death across Africa roughly mirrors the continent's overall life expectancy at birth, which stands at approximately 64 years. However, the media The average life expectancy in Africa is approximately 64.2 years. While this is a major increase from 53 years in 2000, it remains over

@LifeEnjoyer yeah he played the character so well he needed to die exact the same way. The "Drug Overdose" Connection The mention of a drug overdose is tied directly to a real-world musical that inspired Connor's online stunt: Dear Evan Hansen: Connor explains that his entire online persona over the previous year was modeled after this Broadway musical. The Character: A key character in the musical is named Connor Murphy—sharing the exact same name as him. The Overdose Plot: In the play, the fictional Connor Murphy struggles with severe mental health issues and ultimately dies by suicide from a drug overdose. Connor states that he used this coincidence to stage a real-life version of the play on YouTube. As part of this "act," he pretended to be heavily involved with psychedelics (like Ayahuasca) and feigned a drug-induced psychosis online to simulate the character's downward spiral and raise mental health awareness.

@Lyubov yes it looks more like a drug induced incident than a planned suicide.

Well, the only way to truly eliminate it is to die. Ego death is that. The more ego death, the less fear of death. Kriya yoga is the best practice I know. Note: I am not talking about suicide.

Has he talked about suicide in the past?

That friend's channel is gonna get nuked with hate if that video turns out to be a hoax. Kind of a suicide move. But perhaps Connor's friends are suicidal. I notice that you guys love to challenge and mock my intuition, but my intuition is almost always right in the end, despite the lack of data. That's because my mind sees data you don't.

@Hojo I have been doing a lot of research hoping it would help. Most of what I built were psychological models that serve to protect me from things lime suicide. It was part of my plan to move out, but the weight felt unbearable. This did at least serve as some psychological preparation for making such a radical decision. I think the thing that is keeping me holding onto them is the fact that I wanted to be a professional player, but I required a robust support system in childhood in order to achieve it. They undermined that goal and my relationship with chess isn't the same anymore because the future isn't there. Thank you for paying attention and noticing. I had a problem I didn't solve. I have considered the homeless possibility already. I spend most of my time outside anyway. I'm usually wandering the streets looking for somewhere to go. I found a Buddhist temple in southern ohio that I liked. I walked some pretty far distances. I have some buff legs. Part of me wonders what would happen if I just walked to one of those organizations in Massachusetts or Wyoming. I would prefer to have bike though because it would make traveling so much faster.

@Zenterus thats why she is getting attached she has to make you interested so you will take her in bro. She playing a game she has probably played with many other people. She needs a place to stay this is survival to her. She knows how to make men take care of her. When you say no all hell breaks loose because the first plan didn't work and this is the next plan. I love you let's have kids means let me stay at your house. That didn't work then she says she will kill herself if you dont let her stay at her house. You being manipulated the whole time the woman dosent care about you specifically if it was someone else she will pull the exact same thing. Its how she got her hotel probably. There are many men that will let her stay after threatening suicide its a tactic but you still said no and call the cops. This fucked up her plan again and she get more mad. Its like a toddler. The content of what she is saying can not even be considered as real shes just saying whatever to get you to let her stay at your place.