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Previous chapters: spiritual tinnitus. *Old man Jenkins voice* How long has it been? Fifty years? Certainly feels that way. Like I've lived a few lifetimes in the past few years. I've been exploring the wild and revelatory vicissitudes of being human, embracing human needs and human obligations. More than half of my twenties was spent avoiding being human, i.e. spiritual bypassing. I used Leo's content, this forum, psychedelics, a whole 'lotta books, and even food to avoid the confusing, difficult world of human affairs. The main remedy that pulled me out of my spiritual circus was renting my own house. I have a host of different responsibilities and adulting things that I need to stay on top of. Survival has stared me straight in the face, and I stare back with equal reluctance and resolve. I literally cannot afford to sulk anymore. The past couple of years have been a test of the "Divine Masculine," I guess I could say. Pressing on when metaphorical weights were tied to my ankles. Developing a work ethic. Managing rejection. Believing in myself when the people around me were doubting. Having a willingness to take risks and look like a fool. Solidifying my sense of purpose. I'm proud to say that at age 30, I have finally found "my thing." My zone of genius. It's been staring me in the face for ten years, but I've been fighting it every step of the way. "There's no money in music," the average Joe says. "It's a competitive industry. Keep your day job. Music is nowhere near impactful as being a teacher, a healer, a therapist, or really anything else." Yadda yadda yadda. To a certain degree, that's all valid. But I've reached a point in my life where doing anything other than what I'm good at and feel passionate about feels like a waste of time. So if it means going the starving artist path, then so fucking be it. Fortunately, it hasn't been so bad. I've been blessed in so many twisted and peculiar ways. For instance, I was Instacarting at the time of the shooting in 2021, and consequently, the CEO gave me free mental health services as well as a large sum of money. I ended up saving all of that money, so by the time I made my way back home, I had a fat stack to invest in something. Someone offered to rent me an entire house with all of the amenities for a killer rate, and I accepted. I then used all of that saved money to invest in acoustic treatment, a new laptop, plugins, furniture, etc. for a music studio. Be Light Studio unfolded so serendipitously that looking back feels a bit surreal. Since then, I have been teaching myself music production and plan to start an LLC once I get my ducks in a row. I've spent the past year self-producing an album, and as of a few days ago, I finished it. I plan to release it in Mid-October. In between the album, a number of locals have asked me to produce their music, so I already have a growing clientele. For a while, I doubted the whole thing, reverting to my idea of becoming a healer/therapist as I already have a couple of certifications. But joining an orientation zoom call for a master's degree in counseling, I knew immediately that I would hate myself if I pursued that path. Turns out that I've been using those aptitudes in other ways. Maybe I'll write about that in another post. For the past few years, I've worked part-time at a local juice bar. But thanks to all of the live gigs I've managed to book, I am now officially financially independent. I have to live like a monk, but I'm wealthy in freedom. I never thought I'd reach this point. In most of the other parallel realities, I am likely dead by active or passive suicide. But in this reality I'm pursuing my passions and making money from them. Go figure! I could say more, but I don't want this post to be too long, and I need to get my day started. But I feel drawn back to this forum because I feel that in the midst of all of this human stuff, I've lost the plot. I've hit a level of burnout that I've never experienced before, which has caused me to backslide in my habits. I've become addicted to my own adrenaline release, whether with chronic Youtube content consumption, my right hand, or late bedtimes. While I've achieved so much in the past couple of years, I feel like I've lost myself in the process. I've lost that zest to learn more, to push myself towards higher virtue, to stay above the noise. I guess I have a case of spiritual tinnitus. So it's time to turn down the volume on distraction. My hope is that writing, whether here or in my own journal, will get me back on track. My goals for this off-season (i.e. fewer gigs and more time to myself): Replace mindless Youtube content consumption with audiobooks, books, journaling, and songwriting Either write one song or learn one cover song per week Continue working on clients' projects Transition from using my right hand with a screen, to using my right hand without one, to ideally using my right hand only once per week at most Re-acquire my stretching habit and begin to myofascially release my god-awful posture from too much guitar playing Acquire a regular aerobics habit (likely long walks) Re-acquire a regular strength training habit At least eight hours of rest every night, with an ideal bedtime of 10pm and wakeup at 7am I have other goals and more to say, but for now, this will suffice. To anyone who is curious enough to read this — I wish you well!

Of course. Fighting is just an elevated concept of competition. Competition is a great survival strategy as it lets you outcompete people and take their value. I think Leo talked about it in his libertarianism video but wars and slavery started after the agricultural revolution. Beforehand wars and tribal warfare were a net negative, tribes didn't have much wealth and you had a high likelihood of dying and getting injured through fighting. Agriculture let humanity store massive amounts of value in predictable timeframes. So a group of bandit could fuck around and just raid farmers in the Fall in the harvest season and outcompete them. If you take them prisoner and get them to farm for you then even better you don't even have to raid them each year. Until our current era of technology that's gotten so effective to the point of world wars killing millions and the interesting mechanism of the nuclear bomb that makes true conflict suicide for everyone involved. There is a very scary concept that's about to come out that might end this balance and bring back the era of warfare: killer bots I think it's extremely important that we see this coming and make strong peace treaties and build mutually beneficial arrangements so there is no incentive to start waging wars en masse with these cheap weapons of destruction. With the way geopolitics is going right now though that seems optimistic. Ironically seems like reality was all predicted a long time ago. The Bible talked about 7 years of tribulation before AI came to earth. To me that sounds like 7 years of WW3 until we have an AI post scarcity utopia world peace.

speaking from what you've learned from your experience, would you say suicide leads to a restart of the dream/release from maya or would it lead deeper into maya?

Now a mon of 4 in Frankfort, IL - Corie Walsh - who had been infatuated with this case has hung her 2 year old in the basement while trying a suicide attempt in the bathtub with a knife. Frankfort is only like 30 minutes from me. A copycat killer. I guess they think that psychosis defense gives them a free pass.

- Feel free to comment, ask questions, give unasked advice, use this post for resources, etc. ( all under your own risk and judgement ) Basically, the idea is that I'll be documenting and sharing my journey of chelation. I'm a noob for now, but I expect to gather a decent chunk of understanding throughout this year. This has been on my to do list for over a year now, and I've been motivated recently by Leo dropping the long awaited episode on chelation released for my birthday ?. Sadly, the episode is not as detailed as I'd like it to be and I'm afraid he may have forgotten some crucial information. But if there is time to whine, there is time to roll up my digital sleeves and get to work and research. Let's hope my journal doesn't end up being a Brian Bander's Suicide note 2.0 (RIP)

@Natasha Tori Maru Hi natasha, I think in the deepest sense authenticity is those things though. From a spiritual and metaphysical perspective, it is not giving a fuck about what would happen or other people's presence or opinions -- a state of no others and bliss. Of course, this is radical and it is suicide when we are talking about dating and relationships which are inherently strategic and conditional ways of being. Do you agree with this? I'm curious to what you have to say even if it is a bit offtopic haha😅

There's no fault in not knowing if you're willing to investigate further. The reading and study can be tedious. It can be extremely boring unless you're truly curious and willing to investigate. Investigating the term ego. A bifurcation is immediately encountered making a distinction between the ego of spiritual literature and the ego as defined in psychoanalytic theory or developmental psychology. I enjoy the glossary found in A.H. Almaas' Diamond Approach. The Ridhwan School,,,, https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/alphabetical?alphabet=5 Confusion About the Term "Ego" Here we digress to point out a source of confusion about the term “ego.” Readers who know both the spiritual and psychological literatures will find the term freely used in both, but with no general agreement on what the term refers to. This ambiguity often leads to confusion. The literature on spiritual development, on essential or inner development, on all matters of religious concern, generally uses the term “ego” to mean something which is seen as the barrier to spiritual realization. The literature on depth psychology, however, uses the term with a very different meaning. The ego referred to by Freud, and which ego psychology studies, is not the ego which is the barrier to spiritual development. They are two different concepts. The psychoanalytic term “ego” refers, rather, to the functional self, which is the site, organizer, and coordinator of the functions of perception, memory, mobility, and so on. There is, however, a concept in depth psychology and ego psychology that coincides with the ego of spiritual literature: it is called the “ego-identity,” and is sometimes referred to as the sense of self, or the sense of identity. This sense of self or separate identity is the main concern of ego developmental theory. This identity is, in fact, the acme, the most important outcome of ego development. It is ultimately the organizing center of the psychic apparatus. This psychic apparatus includes as one of its units the Freudian ego. In other words, the Freudian ego is part of the mind, is a structure or a structured process in it, while the self is a sense of identity and a center of action. The exact sense in which the ego identity is a barrier to spiritual development will become clear in later chapters. The Void, pg. 9 Interdependence Between Ego and Being To know that one is Being, which is not within the realm of images, is such a subtle understanding that it seems impossible for a child to have this knowledge. Enlightenment must wait for the maturity of perception, discrimination and understanding, since it depends on self knowledge. These capacities depend upon concepts. We can say then that ego is needed for enlightenment, since the beginning of conceptualization in childhood is inextricably linked with the development of the ego. So first the ego, which is needed for knowledge and functioning, develops; then the capacity for discriminating knowledge, among other things, leads to the dissolution of the ego. The final result is the life of Being, including the development of functioning within the realm of Being. This interdependence between ego and Being can also be seen in the process of inner metabolism. Ego on its own cannot complete the metabolism of experience and hence cannot bring about complete human development; Being is needed for this process to take place. On the other hand, Being cannot accomplish on its own the whole process of metabolism; it cannot dislodge ego when ego is defensive. From the perspective of the mind, Being can be resisted easily with a slight movement of ego; thus ego must first cooperate by relinquishing its defensive posture. Pearl Beyond Price, pg. 167 Have a nice day and stuff Enjoy yourself and all Being too serious is slow suicide The bumper sticker - Mean people suck,,, - Seems like a paradox to me.

>be typical young white mother growing up in the insanity of Trumpist America >suffer depression, anxiety etc etc etc >get fed cocktail of drugs by concerned family, still feel like shit inside >can’t stand raising kids, want to be a “good mother” but also hate that you’re now trapped in a suburban hellhole >come up with some half-baked plan to murder your kids and kinda-sorta kill yourself but not really to get out of your existential nightmare >suicide failed and now you’re in jail, come up with some lame excuse about “hearing voices” and other pop-psychology bullshit to justify why you felt your kids had to die to get out of your own suffering >half the world eats it up That’s how I see it

Yeah, most likely what happened is she was planning on committing suicide after taking her kids out, but then was too chickenshit and failed at cutting her wrists, throat, and jumping out the window. There were "hesitation cuts" for both knife wounds and then when she jumped out the window, she couldn't do it and was hanging from the ledge before she dropped. I don't think she was in a temporary psychosis. She just botched her plan and for some reason never took herself out afterwards. But it's weird because if I was going to take myself out after the horrific experience of killing my kids, I'd make damn sure I didn't fail at my own suicide. Like, if I had just killed my kids, I would slit the fuck out of my wrists and throat, not just superficial cuts, and I'd jump head first out the window, lol. But people are different I guess, and maybe she couldn't bring herself to do it properly, even after having enacted something horrific. It's odd to me that the same mind that strangled three children failed to complete its own suicide. But I get it:

Y'all better strap up cause this is one of the craziest experiences I've had in the game so far and I don't mean that in a positive way. First and foremost: I'm so done dealing with these girls, man. Not only does dating take time away from my purpose and self-actualization journey, but the quality of women that I'm meeting are not even worth the sacrifice. There's always something fucked. Either she has multiple children at a very young age, or we're incompatible in our love-languages, or the sex is terrible, or she's just blatantly irresponsible, or she has some mental issue or crazy STI, or whatever. There's always something! But this last situation takes the cake for one of the WORST experiences I've had in the dating game in the last 10 years, no joke. Funny thing is that I took the entirety of June off from dating in order to reground myself and build a lifestyle that felt good for me independent of outside forces. Come July, I decided to get back in the game again with this new foundation established and literally the FIRST girl I get involved with leaves me completely traumatized! STORY-TIME -- literally shaking while I'm typing this -- Met this lady through daygame on the 1st of July. It was a short interaction where I found out that she was visiting my city from a nearby country because she wanted to check out the vibes and decide if she wanted to move here. She's beautiful, petite, in the mood for an adventure with the possibility of something more if she decides to stay, so "Sweet," I thought. We exchanged numbers and made plans to see each other this weekend when I would show her around the city. Unexpectedly, however, we spontaneously met later on that same day, after a little bit of texting, and she ended up spending the night (no sex, though, she was a virgin so we decided not to rush it). Fast forward a couple days and I end up seeing this girl yesterday again but this time I spent the night at her hotel and also spent a good chunk of today with her, too. The vibe was very sexual, romantic, sweet, cuddly, adventurous, open, vulnerable, etc. I wasn't even thinking about sex much because we were having so much chemistry together. Awesome, right? Well.. come to find out, this girl migrated to my city because her family basically disowned her, she has no friends, has a pending court date because she amassed MASSIVE debt due to using credit cards to buy shit for herself without the intention of ever paying it back, has stolen her parents' car without having a driver's license, has no money nor ANYWHERE that she could possibly go after she checks out at her hotel -- which basically means she might end up homeless yet seems very unbothered about that -- and keeps joking around that she wants to get married and have babies together. As I progressively learned more and more of the above points of interest, I went from empathetic, to sympathetic, to worried about her, to then suspicious of her, then straight up afraid that I may have ended up with a girl who is looking to move in with me, to horrified that I am dealing with a very unstable person -- that last part, I came to when I excused myself to the bathroom this morning to rub one out in order to harness the divine wisdom of post nut clarity. We had plans to spend the whole day together exploring different free festivals in the city but it was becoming obvious that this isn't a girl that I want to get super involved with but that I also couldn't just let her fend for herself. I literally had to reprimand her multiple times about the fact that she's not taking her situation seriously and that she should be coming up with a plan for what the hell she's gonna do when her checkout date (tomorrow, on sunday) comes! I did a shit ton of research on her behalf to find woman-friendly shelters and various organizations that could help her. When I finally came up with a plan for her, I took her back to her hotel room pre-maturely and basically let her know that this aint gonna work out but I wanna help her by accompanying her to the shelter and assisting her in getting in contact with the right people. She denied my offer, understandably, because she was hurt that I didn't want to be with her and after a fucking hour of trying to comfort her enough so that we can discuss the VERY URGENT PRACTICAL MATTERS AT HAND, I decided that we weren't getting anywhere and I should just leave and go home -- which I did -- only to receive a suicide note in the form of a whatsapp message from her, saying that she's gonna hurt herself and wishing me the best! Holy %$^# shit. Now I'm freaking out. I call the police, asap, and give them whatever info they need to intervene before anything happens to her. After 20 minutes, they call me and they start asking me very specific questions about "my side of the story" and I'm getting a weird vibe from the officer. He's asking me where I live, my social security number, the nature of my relationship with this girl, the extend of our physical intimacy, etc. And I'm thinking to myself now "ah, shit... what did this crazy girl say to the police, man.." Anyway, I know I didn't do anything wrong so I answer truthfully and then ask the officer if there's any way he can assist the girl by getting her to a shelter or something. He's like "Nah, dude, we're police officers not Green Peace" (he didn't say that, but that was basically the subtext behind his words). Anyway, we hang up and now this girl is blowing up my phone freaking out about me calling the police on her, me not wanting to be with her, accusing me of manipulating her, then begging me to come back to her hotel and talk, then she switches back to anger and accusations and I'm like "Dude... What. The. Fuck. Did. I. Get. Involved. With." I'm leaving a lot out because I could write a whole paper on the events that transpired but I basically ended up having to block her because she kept fucking texting and calling me. Before I did, though, I did send her all the info that she needs to find shelter and get help in case she does end up homeless. And now here I am, in the peace of quiet of my room, with my cortisol levels spiked to infinity and contemplating my entire life. I literally took a break from all dating and socializing in order to ground myself in love and build a life that fulfills me, which I successfully did, and the MOMENT I come back to the game, this shit happens. I'm so upset, man! I'm seriously contemplating staying single for life at this point. Women may have brought out the best in me in the past and have been present during some of the best experiences of my life, but they have also been responsible for some of the absolute WORST and now that I have experienced the level of fulfillment that is possible when one is just doing their own thing in isolation, it makes no sense to risk ever dealing with shit like this again in the future. If you read this far: Thank you, so much. I needed a listening ear.

If Russia defeats Ukraine, occupies the whole country, and spends the next four decades killing them, stealing from them, and brutalizing them, and the entire world not only doesn’t sanction Russia but actually celebrates and supports them, that would happen. And a third of the Israelis killed on Oct 7 were soldiers or police. They act like it was just a massacre of defenseless civilians for propaganda purposes, most of the fighting was Hamas attacking military bases used to imprison Gaza. Chechnya is another example, after decades of violence from Russia their resistance became more extreme and began using suicide bombings and kidnappings. Again the idea Palestinian resistance is abnormally brutal or irrational is ahistorical propaganda, in comparable situations they’ve actually been far less extreme than similar oppressed populations. South African apartheid wasn’t nearly as long or as brutal and they absolutely refused to end armed resistance until their goals were met. Meanwhile the PA has given up armed resistance in favor of diplomacy despite the situation being far worse and their diplomatic attempts being far less effective.

Why would Palestinians attack Israel and risk suicide if they get their country? The reason they do terrorism to begin with, is the brutal occupation and medievil siege that Israel has placed on them If they have a legit state of their own with full autonomy, the suicidal desire will be removed People are suicidal when they see no other alternative It is not "typical leftist fashion" it is simple logic that you can see in other conflicts where coerced groups feel they have no other choice but do terrorism Northen Ireland situation was also doing terrorism until the situation got resolved Now it is no longer the case I notice you view Palestinians as suicidal terrorist which is the way American medias tries to frame them In reality majority are very reasonable people and only resort to terrorism when everything else has failed If they have their own state, there will no longer be such need to attack. Also, lets just exercise the idea that Palestine will still attack. Is not that already happening? Do you really think a weak Palestinian state with gdp smaller than jordan will magically become an existencial threat to Israel? I would argue the current set up is more dangerous for Israel than a Palestinian state More Israelis have died by Palestinian attacks than by Lebanese army for example which is a state (including Hezbollah) Some food for though

Royals are glorified mascots. Great when you like them, but as soon as they are unlikable people start questioning why you even have them. Royals serve no legitimate democratic function. It's bourgeoisie bankrolled by people's tax money. Notice how royals never make statements critical of the government, of culture, or of any kind that could be controversial. King Haakon never admonished Norwegian for drinking too much. Because if they started to be divisive, people would start disliking them and questioning why you are paying for their moon boots and literal royal treatment. Being "nice" is survival for royals. If I remember correct, the king technically has the right to veto new laws, but that never happens as it would basically be elite status suicide. And still things slip through the cracks, especially from the princes and princesses, because of how elite status and decadence corrupts people's sense of reality. Like prince Andrew or the Epstein hoe or the little Rapist prince who could. Given enough reason to, people will realize that they don't need royals for anything.

I could not find a right title, and there are a billions of issues, due to the nature of what I went through and health, I have not been able to find anyone to help me with the issues since birth, and the ideas and solutions I have are mostly destroyed by the inability for humanity or the others; to be more spiritually insightful to get into the root cause, hence it's my responsibility to find a solution, I have been looking into archetypes based on the fundamental notions of some calculations and time, and time archetypes as I had some "chrone" types of experiences, and integral psychology the book creates, a lot of insight, but I feel and notice the doubt of humanity and the weight of that pain. I have been looking for stability with other, but the hypernarccistic expansion of perception and the in-abillity of the social structure of once here once was empathy has turned into a desire for capital money, gain and the denial the money and value is part of love, and the core issue of love. So many, things happend: I still ruminate suicide a lot, due to issues of thought and the pain I have since birth, but most psychologist are stuck in moder-post-modern levels of thinking from problems that stem from pre-rational to post-rational levels, and the pain of correcting or healing myself is awesome, but it's a lot of racist remnants from WWI and the effects of interacting with people here and their pain-body with Rudolf Steiner and Tesla, and other scientist how racist that era was, and how much violence has occurred, and the issue of the Ideation of race itself, d.n.a., turkey and Iran especially, their ideaology, the issue of color, and just my recent experiences. I got banned as I could not handle anymore my "coping" and the issue of being more social to be and get help, and that dragon swallowing you and devouring you etc. I found out that Leo's first name was part of Greeks Odyssee, with Alexander, Dimitri and Leo and the issue of Christ and religion and the whole issue with nature mystecism, the regress Ken Wilber was talking about and more patterns that I was correct, but could not express due to pain, especially as my first name is Dimitri, and I am using Wu-Xing generally speaking I had so many odd experiences and they all are Kriyas, I made to many excellent choices that turned into pure hell and purgatory, from multiple perspectives, the larger whole of what I yearn to say is: I found some answers if I will ever unify my psychedelic experiences and find possible terms and alternative terms or simply nothing to see and experience the credibility I found out a lot about humans; but I really required a forum or medium, so many things technically broke, as I learned and I found new patterns and ideas, but the core issue is the translation to put it into my understanding of Wilbers framework, and the core issues I had in my family, I yearned also to post this publically, as this was the only thing that gave me safety to the pain of the lies and the education of what I experienced with my mother, and her racist attitudes as well as inabillity to empathize due to them, like white liberals need white liberal training as they are in lie, they only seek lust, but can't find the meridian to turn lust and love into the purity of spirit, soul and evolution... most black men and I am partially black and others do that, and that level of commitment and depth goes to the deepest levels of rumi.... I found some answers in terms of order and vision, but the issue of the scientific paradigm and statistics, especially and worldviews since the 19th hundreds has internally not changed for me in my friendships, especially recently they have all been part of that and I had very deep revelations of the nature of spirit, but to read the symbolic holism and integrative hierachy behind it, as well as mastering integral language, as the more deeper you get I am 100% confinced that Lucifer and Ahriman did incarnate from this Paul Check video, and that fundamentally caused the issue with Iran. It's the deepst archetypal hunch I have due to this IW/IR patterning and the synchronicity of the time and birth of my favorite book integral psychology as many answers are applied, I cry so often, I can't even get to the notes due to the level of insights that pattern alone created the notes and last sections or Ken Wilber himself is a very deep IW/IR integrative patterning from BaZi. Science has to advanced into the true spirit of the causal, Steiner etc. to reinterpret that without their statistical bias, and the lack of scientific rigour ever since latin and greek disappeared bothers me deeply ever since I lived here, the lack of integration in that space, especially to let go and cleanse out pain is incredible. Btw, this is the best channel I found for meditation recently, I am very much done with stuff, but I yearn to understand Gödel, Nikola Tesla, Lada Love Lace, and some secret societies and orders, to take the esoteric and see what was exotertically true, and some mathematical allegories eventually, if I can get into 4d space downloads and insights, and the core issue of being a passionate mathematician, identity, and the current issue of our times. I'd like to report I went through so much, this place has been the only refuge I had, when society is utterly crumbling, but integral is building some human space to heal from that era, tbh. I am personally as a German not over WWII Shinzen and others telling me about the traditions as they are afraid they die, and the anger as well as compassion for and with Iran, and I've been using BaZi and Steiner as a lense, as the Wu-Xing, Goethe etc. are interconnected, but to write with that purity and the issue of IW/IR I saw what happens with Wilber, myself and my aunt, God will bend you, God will break you, and your will is your will. YOU ARE ONE. That is the entire issue I go through let alone with my own real names, how far they echo back into eternity, and the issues of how many traditions have realized GOD, has brought nothing back or stabilizing it. The only thing humanity should to is to stabilize god, and reduce violence and heal. The level of commitment and what I envisioned and if it's true, but most issues I had are more survival especially as a lot of trust in humanity has been broken, and a lot of things deepended on this pattern, but it turned so evil. I want, there are a lot of issues, due to success, and the issue of GOLD as well as the issue of beauty and GOD, Goethe and GOD and the interconnections, but I will make this a brief recollcetion!

I watched an expert testifying earlier today who was talking about why he didn't suspect that she was experiencing a command hallucination. And he said that, with people who experience command hallucinations there's a tendency to use coping mechanisms to drown them out... like praying. And Lindsay Clancy wasn't doing that. There's also a tendency for people with these hallucinations to experience them periodically. And it would be uncommon for someone to experience them once and then not again. He also found it unlikely because she had said that she was experiencing these hallucinations all the way throughout the duration of the 20 minutes, with the external voice repeating the same phrase over and over the entire time. He may have brought up another point, as well. But those are the ones that I'm recalling. But he was suspecting that she was committing suicide and filicide... killing her children out of love and because she didn't want to be separated from them when she commits suicide. And I don't know about that explanation. To me, it seems like that's a reach to assume her motive was to kill her children out of love. But in that case, she'd still be criminally responsible for their deaths. So, he was in favor of her being seen as guilty. But his reasoning about the motive seemed very speculative.

@Joshe I think when you read it her history, it clear it wasn’t just a verbal command hallucinations. It came with a weight, and it was a reality and paradigm shift from the sounds of it. Clearly, there was a deeper issue if it was caused by psychosis then just hearing a voice say kill your kids and yourself to be free of this hell. She was open to others around her she was having thoughts of killing herself in the kids in the days and weeks prior. Really, she should not have been left alone with them until she returned to normal. It’s not normal to not sleep for weeks, etc. It’s hard to exactly the depth of the self deception she could have faced. She was a delivery nurse, and was very focused on the wellbeing of her kids for years. It’s so odd. I have to be willing to more openly consider she may have planned it, and I allowed my mind to open and take in more opposing views to my current one. Though, currently think the medication and over all mental health lead to this. https://abcnews.com/US/wireStory/killing-kids-lindsay-clancy-searched-hallucinations-psychosis-ways-135625829 “Her attorneys say Clancy did everything she could to seek help: She turned to multiple outpatient providers, tried various drugs they prescribed, called a suicide hotline, went to an emergency room, and approached but wasn’t accepted into a hospital-based, full-day treatment program for women with postpregnancy mental health problems. Clancy even checked herself into a psychiatric hospital for several days. Rather than improving, her condition worsened on the ever-remixed cocktail of psychiatric medications, some of them problematic for bipolar patients, her attorneys and family say.” Though, it’s unclear to me now what she told her doctors who prescribed the medication as i am seeing conflicting reports.

She even attempted suicide.

Justice is made by fully understanding the situation. It would be unjust to allow a woman to be fed for weeks medications causing extreme damage to herself brain and nervous system which resulted in hallucinations which caused her to want to kill herself and her kids. If my parents killed me id want to understand what happened. I’d want justice, not just arbitrary punishment. A precedent should be set to protect people in the future by making it illegal to over prescribe medications clearly causing harm. The medical history is very clear this was medication induced psychosis. You guys take for granted your sanity. I don’t think she in her right mind would have done this. Killing your three kids is obviously something no one gets away with. It’s social suicide. You guys act like she would do it, but give no motive.

Andrea Yates, Texas, 2001/2006 — the direct Clancy precedent. Yates drowned her five children in the bathtub, called 911 and her husband herself, and told police she'd killed them to save them from Satan — believing she was so corrupted that her children were doomed unless they died while still innocent. Documented history: two suicide attempts, multiple psychiatric hospitalizations, postpartum psychosis diagnosis, and a psychiatrist who'd warned against having more children. First jury convicted her in under four hours (Texas puts the insanity burden on the defendant, and its M'Naghten test asks only whether she knew the act was "wrong" — she'd said she knew it was against the law). Conviction overturned on appeal over false expert testimony; the 2006 retrial jury found her NGRI. Same woman, same facts, same state — opposite verdicts. It's the cleanest real-world demonstration that the verdict measures the legal machinery and the jury, not the defendant's mind. If you want one case to sit next to Clancy, it's this one. People v. Decina, New York, 1956 — culpability transfers backward to the last voluntary act. Decina had a known seizure disorder. He chose to drive anyway, had a seizure behind the wheel, his car jumped the curb and killed four children. His defense was pure intruder logic: the seizure was involuntary, there was no conscious act, so there's no crime — you can't punish a man for what his body did while his mind was absent. The court said: wrong timestamp. The criminal act wasn't the seizure — it was getting into the car, fully lucid, knowing what his condition could do. Convicted of criminally negligent homicide. The principle: trace back from the harm to the last moment of control and knowledge, and responsibility attaches there — it's the rule that kills "but I was unconscious" whenever a lucid earlier self knowingly deployed a dangerous later self (driving with untreated epilepsy, drinking into a blackout, another Ambien after prior episodes). One caveat: the transfer is negligence-grade, not murder-grade — the lucid self took a reckless risk, it didn't intend a death. Kenneth Parks, Canada, 1987 — the clean automatism acquittal. Parks got up in the night, drove 14 miles to his in-laws' house, beat and stabbed his mother-in-law to death, seriously injured his father-in-law, then drove to a police station and said "I think I have killed some people" — all, the defense argued, while sleepwalking. He had no motive (he was close with his in-laws, who called him "the gentle giant"), a heavy family history of parasomnias, and EEG findings consistent with the claim. Acquitted outright, and the Supreme Court of Canada upheld it in R v. Parks (1992). This is the case that proves courts will accept the intruder logic when the circumstantial silhouette is clean: no motive, no history of violence, documented sleep disorder, and behavior too bizarre to be a plan. It's the mirror image of Decina — no voluntary act anywhere upstream. Brian Thomas, Wales, 2009 — same defense, different flavor. Thomas, a man with a 50-year documented history of night terrors, strangled his wife of 40 years in their camper van while dreaming he was fighting off an intruder — they'd moved the van that evening to escape some rowdy kids, and the threat apparently followed him into sleep. He called 999 himself, hysterical. The prosecution withdrew mid-trial after its own psychiatric experts agreed he was in automatism; the judge told him he bore no responsibility. Useful because it shows even a prosecution conceding the defense when the evidence profile is right — and because the "victim is whoever happened to be nearby" logic is horrifyingly literal. Herbert Weinstein, New York, 1991 — the brain scan in the courtroom. Weinstein, a 65-year-old ad executive with no history of violence, strangled his wife during an argument and threw her body from their 12th-floor window to stage a suicide. A PET scan revealed an orange-sized arachnoid cyst compressing his frontal lobe. Note what the staging behavior does to the intruder theory: he was organized enough to construct a cover-up, which cuts against "no capacity" — yet the lesion was undeniably real and sitting in the decision-making hardware. Prosecutors, reportedly worried a jury would acquit once they saw the scan, offered a manslaughter plea. This is the "what if it were a verifiable brain event" hypothetical escaped into reality — and it landed exactly on the hard question: was the lesion the cause, or an accelerant on an existing fire? Nobody could decompose the causal shares between the cyst and the marriage, so the system split the difference with a plea. Whitman gets cited as the thought experiment; Weinstein is what actually happens when the scan shows up in court. R v. Quick, England, 1973 — the diabetic nurse and the insulin blackout. Quick, a diabetic nurse, assaulted a patient while hypoglycemic — too much insulin, not enough food. The court's ruling drew a distinction that directly answers the "why does the source of the malfunction matter?" question: a malfunction caused by an external factor (the insulin injection) is automatism, a full defense — while a malfunction arising from internal disease would be insanity, which leads to commitment rather than acquittal. Same defendant, same blackout, completely different legal fate depending on whether the cause came from outside or inside the body. The kicker: this means the law's answer to "why is exogenous more forgivable?" is partly just administrative — external causes are treated as one-off accidents unlikely to recur, internal ones as standing dangers requiring containment. Recurrence risk, not moral desert, drives the line.

If you believe her story, then you know she already attempted suicide. When you live with images of strangling your own kids, that would move you into suicidal ideation. So if she does commit suicide, that would be the main contributing factor - the images/memories of what she has done and daily living in the world she created where she killed her kids and jumped out a window to paralysis. Maximum societal shame is second to that. Imagine if all the details were the same but instead killing her own children, she killed someone else’s. Would empathy be lower and punishment easier to dole out? If so, what does that say?

The incels and pick me girl's are foaming at the mouth over this witch burning. People like to point at Hitler or Stahlin as some anomaly, but look at the evil in this thread TODAY, these people would burn jews in ovens, evil, they want to kill a woman in cold blood. From all this viral vitriole from you credents I fully expect after her not-guilty ruling for some vigilante to kill her or for her to commit suicide, that's on you guys, sit with that. Stochastic homicide/attempted murder, straight to hell.... murder.

To contemplate on the epsiodes, my biggest upsides of maturity and what leverages my maturity usually is when I have a lot of time to prepare for my health, and I can just eat proper meals for now, that I can feel a sense of accomplishment finishings projects continuing with a success journal and a gratitude journal, cleaning-up notes or interconnecting them, that I am always on time besides there is a serious issue of health, or some background psychological problem I had in the past, burn-out just being overworked from not having A.I as a research tool, getting no time for movement, small compliments of things I did not really have a solution besides to take the complaint, and walk 10000 miles, after to many life breaking events, it's not easy to deal with death early, or in ones mid-twenties, I can reflect on the experience, but most importantly there was not much maturity I learned from Leo to beginn with, most came just exercising and taking care of health, and getting away from the fun and adventure and enjoying my own introverted solo adventure types of stories, new friends I made where I felt there is intimacy, being open-minded about other peoples development, but letting them not to close. What I recently faced was a lot of the nazification in tech, where a lot of young men, were just in for it for the hype and greed, while I learned to love it, and was partially depressed, as I could generate so little meaning, when I contemplate further what it takes to be a mature man, I should''ve never followed Leo Gura, and continued to read books, as I decided very early, I am going to my my own role model, and there are very few men that inspire me nowadays, the points about Trump are accurate, but most post-modern liberals also went haywire with their complaints while we in Europe made a lot of memes, and thought America is still a decent place, and there is finally hope for humanity with all the issues of diversity we face here in Germany, I also have never seen so many news of murder, idk I feel like my collective pain-body contributes to it, but only due to the issue of the scar and the pain of the break-up, there is also a deep part of me being willfully ignorant, I was faced with that a lot, I will contemplate later a bit with ChatGPT and continue to do the shadow work exercises, as there are just some parts of it, that I saw with maturity in relationships, where it was to much about fun and adventure, and a lack of planning, and I was so overworked caring about everything and being responsible I did not even notice it was to late, the person did not care, she only cared about the sex and my dick and I never thought women would be that shallow, my whole life I had to deal with the perspective women are these deep beautiful creatures, while most of the depth I experienced was me penetrating her with my vision, but with so many constant changes, it was not easy and I was easily pushed into the man of 0 as well as the point of serious considerations of suicide, due to the issue of not feeling loved, facing new information about what happend within my family, my father from being small having a gun pointed at his head, from my american grandma idk why she did that she passed away 3 years ago and still was a very loving human.... more loving then my german counter-parts who're more entrenched in their survival, imo the biggest fear I faced in recent years, was just moderation and finding things that allow for temperance that might seem a bit more unorthodox for others, I was deeper into integrating more authentic self-love, but I meet a lot of scammers and trolls even on this website, some stuff I have to figure out on my own, but my biggest issue was the super high expectations of myself to myself of being mature, and not being a little bit more temperate about the whole process, taking more notes, making the process of development more enjoyable weeding out the old problems, sticking to what is enjoyable, as I have to be spontaneously mature the whole time and learn on the whim and on the go, due to survival pressure and the hidden games my family played with money, it only bit them and me in the ass, it's the stupidest thing, I often do better with money even in debt now, then I can even believe, most who have money trauma even Leo, as his life story is similar to the ex of mine loosing electricity and such is a huge immature, nefarious projection, and somehow only the top scientist at the university were able to protect me from that and engage in a more authentic display of emotions, but I did not have the scientific knowledge and maturity to outright join, and they were able to deal with immaturity en masse, as they have to deal with it each semester some new juvenile, young and naive person, I would also not call a person right away immature but naive, but everyone takes offense at different things. What I can see the most is some of the things I'd call mature and other called mature, was the reading of books, taking notes, self-improvment and self-help, working on becoming a leader doing retreats etc. taking care of health, but as soon as I became more financiall succesful without the classical types of DW archetypal success and my own IW archetype being active with investments, deals and how they call it "honorless money" I simply enjoyed the luck and energy, but soemhow the collective projection made it difficult to share anything of it and to enjoy and have a nice time, I even scaled the money I had left, as very little was even given to me, it was just the perception and my anger of the extremeties of the unknown, unsupervised learning with a serious scientist with over 10000k citations and publications (if I am not wrong with what I looked up), was and is definitely was more genuient than the experience of being strangled by money and the uncertainity of it, some things were just the nefarious projections where in the end I felt left alone and people misjuged character and I ran into a self-fullfilling prohphecy of bullies, assholes, and straight up the illest forms of intentions a human can have the more I learned from Sadghuru, as it's just focused on pure destruction, and there is no strand left of any positive, conscious good will or capital G Good will that is conscious, just destruction, it's not the Rajas type of uncertainity a monkey has, that I found out via BaZi and Tarot that this is significant to me, but mostly the core point of unresaonabillity and behind that being a sign of brilliance is to more Tamas/Crocodilic people immature while that sloth, and lazyness is one of the worst types of intentions one can have, while the restlesness often times is just not energy put to use, due to confusion etc. The point of cheating in the video, I post another video below about dating, I never manipulated and lied in the relationship, small passive aggressive lies eventually mostly around time and meeting friends, as I am not naturally that social I often declined instead of meeting up with some friends or steadily going to concerts etc. I also never cheated on her, and we made it a clear point that it's fine to consume pornography as I had very little issue of that, and I deleted my tinder and other dating apps very quickly the mother loved my maturity to beginn with, but I found out they were massively corrupt, and I have to work myself out now of this situation and get some help, I really crave just some good sleep and reading in bed, the episode showed me I had the willingess to do where Leo would be like "yuck" what a boring asshole, and these comments get to me in time, but alone I often had support of a diverse set of group of friends, the I-Ching book I have in German, also holds tremendous wisdom I forgot, most of all I should stay clear of the forum, most progress and development is not lost, and I should just block it take my time follow my path do what is right and find solutions via Most of my reading and work fell on deaf ears, and engaging with people as I wanted to be a therapist when I was younger, as I enjoyed the spiritual purification and the maturity and recognition also, especially also feeding self-transendence needs and putting people there, even in very f*ed scenarios was a key pointer, but somehow the whole idea of agape and evolution pulled me more towards software engineering, and the whole point of equanmity, to be in pure equanimity for me is the pinnacle of maturity and responsibility, not "response" - "abillity" alone, but to have a way that is equanemous and deeply masterful or akin to god-like leadership in these scenarios that just leaves humans with a sense of profundity, the backlash most often is envy, but equanimity is a very strong leadership principle and energetic state desireable. I will most likely set-up some time blockers to not be on the forum, I have now enough interconnected tools and journals to not need this, and I socially do quite well, it really depends on the perspective, and I am somewhat over the shadow of TIER II networking, but also crave a bit of fun, I have to think this properly through often times, just some food and tea at night already makes me more mature then 99.9% and I can still dish out 2-4 h of extra work, as long as my systems don't shoot themselves up, be warned! 😮 I will restrict this website today, and take some measures to simple work harder and be more responsible there are some core things I don't agree with that somehow is tainted deeply be Leo's envious nature, and I don't really see behind it, by every type of information I consumed I should actually stay the heck away from this guy, or at best observe and learn from the "frenemy", but I am mostly gone now and will resort to different types of help, I had also spiritual breakthroughs with astrology, often times I find the perspective here are tainted by the modernist, atheitistc viewpoints that now thanks to Elon, Peter Thiel and Trump have become nazified to some extend, I meet enough "nazis" to be able to even see behind and inside of them the core issues is not even them, but the blind masses not seeing how they contribute the most to this collective shoot out of who is the most conscious & mature, and imo Leo contributed heavily to it, with some video tantrums, it just feeds into the collective... being equanemous is a pure gift... I miss it... just taking care of health generates enough I am out, thanks for everything!! I am going to post less and restrict the site to very late hours and keep viewing the site to a minimum of 2-5 minutes. I fucked around to much with actualized.org, the most type of values is I get from contemplating the videos, and finding some offline source to take notes and write down my stuff. This is nice to be a bit social, but I already would've ended my life last year, as I have some very deep seated points about society, that got to me or eventually is just in my D.N.A as my grandma american pulled a gun to my fathers head for some time? and he was in the military and the war is getting to me, I would've been gone, also to the dipshitness at times this community and even the mods are, especially sincerity is someone I vehemently hate for what I experienced in europe, and I simply have to go and find a place, I hate such humans simply, because they have everything handed to them and simply can't even understand some very deep parts of consciousness and imo Leo misread some of my posts, and I even went deeper then I thought, I also found new gurus or teachers and mentors, where I can even be more clean, especially about health, and not be as rigid anymore I am still grateful, but this forum is just not really it for me, I had a way deeper trajectory, I still would love at times to hang-out with Leo or at least spend some time, but it's similar with the first women I loved, at best love such people from a distance, they underestimate their impact vehemently and so do I at times. I leave this here, will be mostly gone, but somewhat also active.

That's a good point. The insanity plea has to prove that the defendant lost the ability to tell right from wrong. If that was truly the case she would've just done it in front of him and tried to kill him too. Sounds like an overwhelm of life paired with Christian beliefs that her children will go to heaven after she kills them and so will she since she believes in Jesus so she was going for murder-suicide into a happily ever after in the afterlife.

The conservatards are evil Imagine going to psychiatrists and everyone telling them you're having psychotic thoughts of murdering your kids, them giving you a handful of pills and sending you off to their birthday party, killing your entire family, paralyzing yourself trying to suicide, then these douche canoes attacking her like a witch trial. Evil

Depends on the kind of music, art and whether it is true to you. We can only receive what's true relative to our receptivity to it. This is no different to our calling. Our purpose is much less a doing, and more a question. The question however, is not "What is our purpose?" It is, "Can I answer the calling when it arrives?" Purpose is also not a single signature in the same way many centres of our nervous system need to be online to hear it. If we are angry and ungrounded, we are blinded and distorted. If we are depressed and ruminative, we are apathetic and pathetic. That said, sometimes it is only when we are most unconscious and have completely and utterly given up, that the light of life will return to us for a moment, before that light fully fizzles out such as in a near death experience, or before that light is ready to be received again in a deeper state of meditation. This is true when we observe everything from over-stimulated to being over-stressed; activity without directionality is self-directed harm on anything resembling living with a sense of purpose. Often when kids are put in military school for example, even if they eventually enjoy it, in the beginning the military must give them constant tasks on a certain timetable to both distract them from the legitimacy (so the purpose) of a military school and align them with at least a sense of direction that is at least pointed somewhere. It is only when you are aimless, that you wonder about where you're firing the arrow, and whether you should fire the arrow at all. 20 year employment in the same company that only ever kept you interested because of the status climb only to find yourself fired after your first day of being the CEO following the completion of your 20 years rising through the ranks, or perhaps you barely made it to middle management, and stayed because you were told your retirement would be taken care of only to forget the fineprint in the contract that said if you were fired, you wouldn't be entitled to it. They wanted someone younger and faster, not someone eaten up and spat out of their own company system, so they fired you and every other employee that was too old. Now you're directionless, now things are dangerous because prior, peoples sense of direction was handled in the same way military school provided them with a sense but not true essence of purpose to direct their lives. Many people have no idea what to do in these situations as they've spent most of their time just jumping from one predictable system that decided their purpose to the next, and now that AI is beginning to replace all those people to fill many of the outcomes of those systems, people are now forced to sit down, reduce their activity, and not press the release and eject button from life (suicide for many and suicide will go up following AI - so there's lots to empathise with here) and instead, take the time to sit down and contemplate, or perhaps start for example a project with fellow good people fired, or get back to more community based simple living. For some, now they'll have marriage and children, for others now they have more time for the family and children they already have. Purpose is not conscious, it is not even so much as a yearning, it is a calling, and you have to answer it if you want to live it, even when you're angry, depressed, ungrounded and ruminative after it has already illuminated itself to you. It doesn't have to be grand, ambitious, marvelous etc as its all advertised in traditional self-help, this is not for most people and when its marketed like this its setting people up for failure and at best all they get is a distorted perception of themselves, other people and the world around them. There is nothing wrong with living a simple life, community living, keeping yourself to farm life, or playing a violin alone for a few hours a day in a room while reminiscing on when say, someone's grandfather used to give them lessons. Purpose is simply about answering what's true, it isn't about what's consciously curated as much as it is what is already created within you to be receptive to in a state of balance, maturity and as much as possible, sense of peace and calm. Your calling may not always feel like fulfilment, it will often feel like struggle, but compared to the pursuit of anything else at the meaning level, where you most feel in balance, you will most likely feel like its the best thing you can do at the time, even if its just cleaning the dishes. We humans are not that special, nor that bad, and it is the balance in between that makes us more receptive to what calling, we need to answer. Listen to the calls, then consciously contemplate them very purposefully now that you're answering their probability, then decide on what you're going to pursue, and stay in the signal of that pursuit. If you hangup first, it'll listen, and it'll fade, and then without knowing it, blindsighted attention will leave you back where you started; so seize the moment. Act now, but without over-activity, instead under-activity, followed by discernment, then the answering, then the conscious curation, then the pursuit, and to have as enjoyable conversation as you can on the other end of the phone conversation. Its an intangible signal that all of us as sentient creatures tend to feel, even if that feeling lives behind the sense and or feeling of responsibility, love, deep thought, respect, dignity, pride, or even loyalty to a friend during a difficult life stage. People that make the right decisions when it comes to purpose, notice how they tend to make the right decisions in similar ways in other areas of their life; so when it comes to the biggest decisions of our lives, start with the smallest ones you can make and slowly graduate to bigger and bigger ones, then the largest ones will come with far greater ease and maturity. Otherwise, Mozart created some pretty spiralling music. But you don't have to be Mozart, you can just be a bunker on a street. Examine your motivations, align with the signal that actually reveals the truth between the practical reality and the sense of alignment. Best wishes.