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When you become God, you realize there is no difference between life and death. The only difference is that during life you're constrained to survive your organism, otherwise you die. When you become insane, you can willingly choose to surrender the survival of your oraganism, and choose suicide, which is escaping the hallucination of your own organism, and existing eternally as God.

@Basman I'm not saying to get rid of Neurotypical people. Also I'm not saying their existence is less justified just because it's more simple. In some way, the Zen existence is the most simple yet it is ridiculous to use this as reason to get rid of them or something. In that way, I am not making the same mistake as Ayn Rand who believes that the genius of the world can somehow just survive without the normies. If you truly understand my argument, you will realize that I'm saying that the geniuses might be able to create the finest gourmet meals, which suck at keeping you alive like simple, warmed up meals do. This is what Marxism is. It is precisely the notion that the state should mainly care about its working class since all of existence and economics is rooted in it and not in the lofty ideas of the few geniuses. This is why in in Leninism, it is required for a small group of the elite to commit "class suicide" and dedicate themselves to the needs of the simple people. This is why Marxism is literally the opposite of fascism. Fascist are very open about that fact. There is no fascism without communism. It is a direct response to communism.

Dude suicide and death isn't easy, you could botch it and survive disabled. You're trapped. Many sucide attempts fail. Besides, I don't want to reincarnate. Someone here said you can fully embody god and what dematerialzie? I've found no information how to awaken from this dream of life, if god is truely free and infinite then where is the wake up trigger switch?

Unfortunately are the normal human history. Same than conquer lands. Arabs conquered many lands that are Muslims until now, Turks conquered Anatolia and now it's turkey, Chinese a lot of countries that now are china, and Jews conquered Israel, or re conquerered their ancient land according to them. The only that matters is if you succeed or not. Legitimate happens later, gaining your right to be there, as Israel is doing now. A world where all humans dance and hugs would be better? Sure, but for now it isn't. Maybe when the IA rules and robots work, then we all will commit suicide 😅

Suicide. But, physical suicidal is easy, quick, running away. Surrendering is burning alive. Completely opposite of physical suicide. Not running, jumping into fire, burning till not even ashes left.

Jiang desires so hardly the fall of US that he really believes the worst scenario possible, but that would be absolute political suicide for Iran, handing Israel the key to legitimacy in the Gulf. The fanaticism of Muslim regimes is always overestimated, when they are usually corrupt regimes that only seek to perpetuate themselves in power, like any other dictatorship. Power is power, it's equal for everyone. Have they filled the Strait of Hormuz with mines in revenge for the assassination of the Ayatollah? Why haven't they destroyed any desalination plants yet? What are they waiting for? I think that anyone in Iran who ask himself: what is the better option in all senses now? Would answer: change. Because the other options are catastrophic

And that's precisely the point. The house is burning, Death is next moment. The fool thinks Death is far away, but is always next moment. If this doesnt compel one to seek and notice the urgency of it, then I dont know what will. People at large doesnt comtemplate Death, they are too casual about it, and thats why most are not wise people. Believe it or not, I dont, otherwise I wouldnt have found actualized.org. But language is limited, I have to express the larger point somehow. And I did consider suicide, its foolish for a variety of reasons. No problem, its was enjoyable indeed.

It's not a handwaving, every time I leave the house I know perfectly well I might die in some accident, or simpler still a brain aneurysm I don't know about could suddenly rupture and kill me on the spot or render me a vegetable wherever I am. It may be the most logical emotionally, but there's higher order logic. Your trouble is identifying with the human you too much, which can indeed be destroyed by Death easier than brushing off a speck of dust. Such conventions don't apply to your actual Identity though. Then there's the whole angle of suicide to consider, but that's unnecessary radical for now. Enjoyable as it was, gonna have to shorten all further posts for time purposes, since it's a universal pattern that people ignore 90% of it anyway.

I'm not a toddler to not understand this .you got this one and everyone gets this cuz that's what society tells you to do. I'm offering the other perspective..can you understand that there is no such thing as traumatic in "actuality " ? There was a huge crime that happened back in 2007 in America (not sure but I took it from Sam Harris). Two criminals robbed a house and killed two little girls and stole all the money and then tied their parents to the bed and burned them alive and the entire house . The criminals weren't arrested because they both committed suicide soon after the incident because probably they went "okay why on earth should anyone do that "?. They actually wrote a suicide note saying that they regret what they did . Can you tell me what did you understand from this story ?

@Oeaohoo A .1% increase in baseline consciousness could be the difference between depression on the brink of suicide and genuine peace, a sense of purpose, and a heart full of gratitude. I'm less than 1% higher in my baseline from when I was at my lowest. But I live in a different reality. If you're more interested in the truth angle than the liberation angle, then there's plenty of that too.

I'm truly mesmerised and confused about the way Iran is handling this conflict. For the longest time, their responses were the most rational and calibrated. And now what?! They're gone absolutely insane. They're just proving they're terrorists waiting for the right moment to blow up. I mean I understand the situation doesn't leave them many options, but this is literally suicide bombing. Just imagine they develop nuclear.

Suicide is like forfeiting the game, but you never completed it so you will have to start over. Now ask yourself, do you really want to start over and go through all that shit again? because its not like you can escape what you need to learn and master in the next life, you will eventually be met with the same challenges or (part of the game) you need to complete to progress further in the souls evolutionary path, so to speak. So killing yourself will only create more karma you have to deal with in the next life and who knows how many times you have done it in previous lives, if you look at it this way, you'll see the pointlessness of suicide and its the only way to truly fail the game. If someone kills you, you actually have succeeded, because that's God's will / plan / agreement of a higher order. Suicide is always due to disconnection and disembodiment from the higher truth / plan / divine play and order.

I need your help to assemble a list of juicy Stage Purple examples! List of Stage Purple Values: The tribe/clan, community Family & tribal bonds, blood relationships Living together, contribution to the tribe Group activities, group celebration Honor Humility Self-sacrifice Respecting elders, ancestors, customs Taboos and customs Ritual, ceremony Mother nature, harmony Magical powers Spirit realm, spirit deities Mystery Mystical intuition Rites of passage Sacred objects & places Traditional music & dance Myth, sharing stories Retaining ancestral and tribal memory Reciprocity, sharing, cooperativ-interdependence Warding off evil spirits Cursing/hexing one’s enemies Psychic powers Out of body travel Respect of elders for their wisdom & experience Wisdom of the elders Family relics and heirlooms Religious medals, lucky charms Sacred words Stage Purple Examples: Carlos Cataneda’s Don Juan, Amazon tribes, African tribes, Indonesia tribes, Native Americans, Middle East, New Guinea, Bosnia, the Zulu, Bwiti, Hawaiian culture, Indian culture, Arab culture, Japanese Shinto religion, Tibet, rural China, Afghanistan, Aborigines, Maori, Pocahontas, shaman, medicine man, Avatar: Na’vi, Legend of Zelda, Patapon, Turok, Dances With Wolves, The Medicine Man, the noble savage, ancient mythology, voodoo, witchcraft, curses & hexes, animal sacrifice, gift economy, sharing resources, paganism, cannibal tribes, sun worship, animal-human hybrids, animal gods & spirits, ethnic cleansing, the paleolithic, cave paintings, Stone Henge, Ubuntu: I am because we are, suicide bombing, Kamikazi, human sacrifice, eating enemies, chanting & drum music, herbal medicine, Ayurveda, acupuncture, Qi, shrines, totem poles, ayahausca, peyote, saliva, mushrooms, datura, iboga, amanita muscaria, sweat lodges, vision quests, tribal tattoos, the evil eye, magical healers, ancient burial grounds, knocking on wood, lucky rabbit’s foot, black cats, prayer altars, Day of the Dead, Halloween, urban legends, fertility goddesses, astrology, fortune cookies, folk tales, fairy tales, Maneki-neko, graffiti, gypsies, face paint, symbolic costumes, secret handshakes, mating ceremonies, dowries, blood oaths, communal eating, missionaries in tribes, burial rituals, small company work environment, the Sacred Tree of Life, Don Miguel Ruiz: The 4 Agreements, The Alchemist, Teotl

@Majed Maybe there is some spiritual truth to suicide and spirituality. But I'd argue using spirituality as a justification for suicide is just an egoic rationalisation for the act.

Doesn't everyone know this? You don't need to be enlightened to understand that suicide is always an option. A child understands this.

@Leo Gura You missed my point which is that after insanity which results in you losing your human mind, and becoming God, you realize that there are no difference between life and death, except for the survival game you're playing, hence you can consciously choose to cut it off through suicide. This is a different thing from suicide as an escape from the brutality of life. This is more like a rational deliberate choice, even if your life is great, you can still prefer to die and stop playing the survival game.

Dude. You don't need to become insane to choose suicide. Millions of people choose it every year. Life is brutal and suicide is common. Has nothing to do with insanity or even spirituality.

it's kind of like being enlightened as a monk vs as a regular person having to handle financial attachments etc. you could argue that the monk has it easy because their life is set up in such a way as to discourage any sort of attachment they may have - so have they really mastered detachment, are they really enlightened? i think the same logic can be applied to suicide: it's easy to exist undefined, as God. existing as a form that needs to survive WHILE maintaining detachment from said survival, that's the challenge. so is living through the ugliness and corruption of survival while ultimately still looking back and going "oh, that still counted though. that was still a valid form of Love, no matter how small and contracted". all these spiritual ideas on and around suicide, if anything, are more a case in point for human attachment to survival. if you weren't attached to your experience (suffering vs no suffering), you would not care about being alive. you would not even notice whether or not you are alive, because yes, indeed, there is no difference.

Only depressed or miserable people or people in deep suffering commit suicide. Has nothing to do with enlightenment.

I am out with friends and I listen to what's going on in their lives. One of them tells me about his conflict with his colleague, a bitter series of disappointment, arguments and fights. He's clearly shaken by it. There's another friend, she talks about mental health and that's she's grateful to currently be at least "halfway stable." Her voice is quite shaky and very quiet while she's says that. As if she doesn't believe in that stability herself. They both seem to suffer tremendously, and even when I doing fine now, I know how that feels like. I listen to them and I can't get it out of my head: this is all consciousness, or God or whatever name you give it, doing it to itself. The more aware I become, the more it seems to me that this whole reality is just a show, a drama for entertainment purposes. Problems created to have a task in dealing with them. It could all be changed in an instant. Every misunderstanding, every conflict, every suffering. From direct experiences, I know I'm talking to the person - or persona - in front of me, but I also know that I am communicating with something transpersonal. I know it's capable of immediately role-switching. I have experienced it many times. All the conflicts, all the problems could be solved instantaneously. So why stay in it? Is this really how "it" wants to spent eternity? Is that the best it CAN do? Is it what it really WANTS to do? Personally, I feel more and more tired from these dramas. From time to time, I see the creation of drama, the process of unfolding of the storyline in a person's eyes. He or she is talking, and I am aware that the person is just making shit up to create some story arc. And I see the person looking back at me, and I know that he/she knows that I know. Often, I get caught up in my own stories, my own role, my own character. But the more I have these moments of "knowing", the more I wonder about it. And it's very strange because I still feel empathy. I know it BS, I know it's fabricated, and I still care. I see the people in front of me and I think: They are having a really unpleasant experience. And I wonder: does it really have to be this way? Sometimes, I love watching a series. The series starts great, I get interested in the story, in the characters. Then a little drama gets added and I'm engaged. For a while. And then I lose interest. Because almost inevitably, the same thing happens over and over again: to keep tensions high, the drama must steadily increase. You know what I mean. "Woman is pregnant from lover who accidentally killed her husband without knowing while step-brother from the past appears and starts to uncover an evil plan to destroy the world while having an affair with the GF of his best friend...." ....yeah this kind of drama. So is this really how it wants to experience life? Trump, and war, and rape, and famine, and hunger. And if there is no existential crisis going on, ok no problem we make our own mental problems. Depression, burn out, ADHD, suicide, etc etc. And you can't tell me that "we need to raise consciousness". It could be done, all drama ceased, right now, instantly. It's a choice. I recently had one of this role switching moments with a friend. I asked him about reality, and he replied, quite unexpectedly, "you will always wake up in some story" When a series boils over with drama, I just stop watching it. But where else to go with my awareness than the reality around me? What is it that "it " is actually distracting itself from? And if it wants to distract itself, is this really the way it wants to go about it? THIS IS REALLY IT? So what is left to do? I focus on myself and my (non) reactions as best as I can. And keep wondering: when is enough drama really enough?

If you have to commit suicide you haven't mastered the game, and still within it. Your meant to ascend out of it entirely Realizing or glimpsing you are God is one thing, total illumination / embodiment / liberation is an entirely different thing.

4 of my friends Died from suicide /Overdose, my Dad hit me for 10 years and gaslight me calling me a liar. The Love of My Life Life LEFT. Became Conscious of Solipsism directly. And I gave EVERYTHING INC MY LIFE TO GOD / TRUTH . And then LEO says hes more awake then me calls me disturbed and he doesnt love me personally. I dont know what to do or feel

@Majed People hate death and suicide, because they're life addicts. Also they have misconceptions about what death is. Death isn't about reincarnation or heaven or hell or nothing. Death is about a surrender of the body to infinite consciousness, which is God. The dysfunction isn't suicide, the dysfunction is your relationship to death.

Time to get some Red examples going up in here. Try to find some healthy ones too. Red is all too easy to demonize. List of Stage Red Values: Personal power, strength, might, brute force Displays of toughness Brazen courage, valor, heroism, daring Being the boss, being #1, winning at all costs Conquering one’s enemies, domination The thrill of conquest Warrior mentality, a glorious death, heroic deeds Competitive, crush your opponents Resolving disputes with ruthless force Winning, victory, conquest, triumph against odds Ambition, playing it big Revenge Respect Loyalty Decisiveness, assertiveness Passion, action Pragmatic, direct, no-nonsense Taking initiative & ownership, personal willpower Getting things done, just do it Unilateral control, executive power Glitz, ostentatious displays, grandiosity Wants to be bigger than life Status, recognition of prowess Machismo, pride, bragging Charisma, plain talk Intimidation, manipulation, exploitation Sexual conquest & exploitation Sex as power and vanity, sadistic sex Enjoying life to the fullest Adventure, thrill-seeking, living boldly Power contests, like slapping/arm-wrestling Breaking rules, finding loop holes Breaking with the pack & pushing the envelope Stage Red Examples: Trump, Saddam Hussein, Iraq, Syria, Hitler, Stalin, Liberia, Somalia, North Korea, Myanmar, Turkmenistan, Haiti, Africa, Middle East, Palestine, warlords, mafia, Tony Soprano, Al Capone, pirates, marauders, gangs, Yakuza, violent prisoners, prison culture, freedom fighters, revolutionaries, criminals, rapists, con artists, thieves, terrorists, juvenile delinquents, ancient Rome, gladiator combat, Caligula, Nero, Roman emperors, spartan, Chinese emperors, Japanese emperors, Alexander the Great, Achilies, Klingons, hackers, toxic narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, lone shooters, Conan the Barbarians, Joe Pesci from Casino, Russian mob, toxic masculinity / Red Pill, vikings, Genghis Khan, Mongol hordes, drug addicts, gamblers, criminal underground, war criminals, massacres, torture, rape gangs, wild rock stars, Jules from Pulp Fiction, Joffery from GoT, Ramsey from GoT, Cersie from GoT, Dothraki from GoT, the Joker, cult leaders like Jim Jones & Charles Manson, David Koresh, Aztec human sacrifice, pimps, hustlers, prostitutes, sex trafficking, brothels, strippers, porn stars, violent porn, snuff films, king’s harems, absolute monarchs, feudalism, heads on pikes, Vlad the Impaler, crucifixion, cutting off body parts, cruel & unusual punishment, villains in movies, bullies, colonial exploitation, sweat shops, slavery, wild west, Terminator, Rambo, throwing objects when angry, cocaine, heroine, crack, meth users, suicide bombers, lesser Jihad, ISIS, domestic violence, MMA / UFC, boxing, Mike Tyson, Don King, Connor McGregor, bank robbers, the tyrannical boss, bribery, bling, gold teeth & chains, the hood, drive-by shootings, bloodsport, cock fighting, dog fighting, animal cruelty, sports fights, pro wrestling, movie Lord of War, Alex Jones, L Ron Hubbard, David Miscavige, 9/11, Oklahoma City bombing, some incels, some pickup, Jeffy rape van, Kanye dragon energy, rap music, heavy metal music, punk music, Mexican drug cartels, El Chapo, Grand Theft Auto game, graffiti, No Country For Old Men, Old Testament, Sith from Star Wars, Fight Club, A Clockwork Orange, Dan Pena, hunting homeless people for sport, Black Panthers, KKK, Machiavelli, women as property

Update February 24 2026 This entire process towards fana has taken a lot longer than I expected, but it has still very much been moving forwards. Since December I've been going through more waves of pain, my ego breaking and dissolving at deeper and deeper levels. My consciousness has also been getting much deeper, and I’ve been having crazy awakenings - tastes of infinity, tastes of unity, remembrance of where I was pre-birth, all sober. Recent trips I haven't been using psychedelics much (I did DMT a few times in August 2025, MDMA a few times mid October) but earlier in February I did 2C-B, and later Ketamine, and had some really incredible trips. It was my first time trying 2C-B. Using it this far along in my journey, this close to fana, was insane. I had some really incredible awakenings on it, and also some really beautiful and amazing things happened regarding my path. For example, on 2C-B, I came in contact with the divine mother in a way I never have before. What is so special about it is that it’s not just coming in contact with God in an abstract, human way - it’s not just interacting with the divine mother, it’s my divine mother, because I came from Her. I’m coming in contact with the essence that birthed my soul. As I mentioned before, I have been massively starved of intimacy throughout my life, I have felt like an alien walking the earth, like no one understands me at all, far more than what most spiritual people experience. When I come in contact with Her, it’s like that flips to the opposite end of the spectrum. It’s extreme intimacy, extreme understanding, extreme closeness, because we are one and the same. I am Her, and we know and understand each other completely. The way we interact with each other feels like I am her child, like her ‘special boy’, like she wants to pull me into her arms and hold me, because I belong to her. It feels like I would never even know that She was God based on this interaction alone, because it feels so different from what you’d expect an interaction with God to feel like. She just feels like my home. These interactions are bittersweet, because they are so beautiful when they happen, but it hurts me when I lose contact with Her, but I know I’ll be with Her permanently soon. A lot of really amazing things happened on these trips, but they are really personal and private to my path, so I can’t really share them. I also had some really cool interactions with God on Ketamine, which again probably only happened because of where I’m at spiritually. Where my consciousness is at now At this point, so often I am conscious that my direct experience is the only thing that exists (I also had a really deep solipsism awakening on 2C-B which took this even farther). It feels obvious that I am sitting in the same place I was before I was born, only now, there is form - an imagined physical world around me. But I’m partly conscious that every person is just a piece of my own mind, and they don’t really exist. Because of that, it doesn’t feel that crazy to tell people about everything that’s going on with me, how deeply I’m awakening, because I realize that I’m the only one here and there isn’t really anyone else there to hear about it. It’s just me going home to where I was before birth, and even though Fana al Fana is the deepest permanent awakened state a person can reach, it feels like there is nothing special or rare about it, because it’s just me here, and I’m going home like I was always meant to. My consciousness gets deeper and deeper every day. I’m getting so close to full collapse and surrender, and once that happens, I will be swallowed and consumed by God, and be gone. My path is about becoming the divine mother, and considering everything else that has gone on my life (before this path I was very interested in psychology and emotional healing work) and considering the state of the world today, it really seems like I’m going to become a sort of ‘mental health Jesus’. Everything about my path points to that, and the divine mother is perfectly suited for that. Another cool way to think about it: If Jesus brought God to the world as the father (the masculine face of God), and his path was about bringing spiral dynamics stage red into stage blue, my path is about bringing the world into spiral dynamics stage green. How brutal my path has been My path has been brutal and excruciating beyond words. I could write out more and more about just how awful it has been, but I don’t think I would ever get anyone to understand, so it feels like there isn’t much point. I genuinely believe though that I have gone through one of the most difficult spiritual paths in all of human history. It hasn’t just been hard, it’s been emotional torture. Literally. Also, it makes perfect sense for it to have been this hard, because 1: emissary soul paths go the deepest (fana al fana) and as a result are always the most difficult spiritual paths, and 2: the feminine face of God is one of the deepest levels of unity, which requires the most amount of pain to launch you to that depth of unity, and yet a soul of the feminine face of God is extremely sensitive and feels everything much more deeply than other people. I fucking hate being alive. I’ve wanted to be dead so badly for years now. Every single thing in life hurts me, I never get a break from it, the suffering never ends. All I care about is being dead. The way I found out I’d be reaching fana is that it was offered to me from God as an alternative to suicide. The process towards it has been far more difficult and painful than I ever imagined. It is humiliating being kept alive and having to go through this long, painful, tortuous process. It is so fucking slow and brutal and I just wish I would hurry up and die. The thing that keeps me going is knowing that once fana al fana happens, I will never incarnate again, and it won’t just be death, it will be heaven - the deepest level of unity with the feminine face of God. I’ve been shaped to be completely intolerant of separation from God. I cannot stand being human and existing as a separate self. Everything about it is hell. I hate having to figure out my life and make decisions for myself, I hate dealing with limitation and not being able to have things I want, I hate being starved of intimacy, no one understands me and I’m always completely alone. I hate being hurt by every single little thing all the time because of how sensitive I am. I hate being powerless to doing anything about the situation I’m in. Separation from God is absolutely, completely unbearable to me, and I could never tolerate anything less than total unity, and as a result, total death/annihilation. Like I said, I don’t think I could ever get anyone to understand just how brutal my path has been, but at the same time it doesn’t really matter, because my unity and relationship with God is what will make up for it, so no person needs to understand it. I know that the depth of hell I’ve been dragged through is exactly what will allow God to shine through me so deeply and clearly after fana. What ‘Tristan’ is Before my birth, I was the entire infinite feminine face of God. She fragmented herself, placed Herself into a human body, and that human was named Tristan. Then over the course of 25 years, Tristan has been dissolved and brought to the point where Her fragment could merge back with Her, leading to the entire feminine face of God living in a human body, walking the Earth. At that point, Tristan as an ego is not just dead, not just mostly gone, but totally annihilated and eviscerated. That’s what allows me to be completely dead and gone like I want, and for God to shine through me totally unobstructed by ego. That’s what Fana al fana is. (Lover = the human seeking God. Beloved = God) "The lover is a veil, all is Beloved. Beloved lives. The lover is a corpse." - Rumi Because my entire 25 year life as Tristan played out the way it did only to serve this purpose, rather than being a human, ‘Tristan’ is actually the name of a specific flavour of unity with God. My personality, my passions, interests, preferences, my desires, things I’ve been through in my life… these things aren’t just human experiences, they are specifically meant to shape my soul, and thus shape the way God acts through me once I reach unity, which God then uses to interact with the world and help people. That is what ‘Tristan’ is. A flavour of unity, a specific way that God (the divine mother) interacts with people and the world after fana. Conclusion It feels weird to be saying all of this to begin with because I realize that my own mind is all that exists, and so I’m not really talking to anyone. To me it sort of just feels like this 25 years of hell is about to be over, and I’m about to go back home to where I belong, and then I’ll be happy. If what then lives in my body and walks this Earth after my death is a Jesus type figure, then okay, great. As long as I as Tristan am dead, that’s all that matters to me. Hopefully what I’m writing here and what I wrote earlier in this thread gives a bit of an idea of what I’ve been through. Once the final collapse into fana al fana happens, I as Tristan will be totally wiped away, and only God will remain. I think it’s cool to be able to talk about all of this before that happens, while I’m still human, and then later for people to see what becomes of me after fana, even though I as Tristan won’t be there to see it. I know that I as Tristan am just an illusion, just a placeholder until I merge back with God. “The lover is a veil, all is Beloved”. There is a massive amount of stuff that I have to keep private between God and I. Something that is really special about the feminine face of God is how unique and unusual it is, in the way that it functions and operates, compared to any other aspect of God. That itself leads to an insane amount of intimacy between Her and I, and it is also why I have to keep so much about my unity private. It’s important to note that my unity is not just my death, it is going home to Her, being reunited, and then us falling endlessly in love with each other, permanently freed from the pain of separation. Our endless love, intimacy, romance is what then gets channeled out into the world, through her feminine essence. Here are things associated with the feminine essence of God: Soft, gentle, motherly love. Tenderness. Affection. Adoration. Deep sensitivity. Deep intimacy, deep emotional attunement. Safety. Connection, togetherness, closeness. Romance. Sexuality. Pleasure. Infinite beauty. Freedom from any form of pain or suffering. Innocence. Childlike essence. Playfulness.