molosku

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Posts posted by molosku

  1. Posted

    Funny you brought that up @Nahm . I did wake up a few months ago for about 30 minutes with the aid of shroom tea, didn't even trip too hard at the time. But yeah, I fell back asleep. I have a deepened sense of how things are and how the illusion comes about. But the truth is not in my direct experinece NOW, so Im left with no choise but to seek or ignore. Both hurt. 

  3. Posted

    ...to a such and extent that I honestly cant enjoy regular life the same way anymore. This idea of the true self used to be liberating but It's now turning to a huge obsession and It's stressing me out so much. Seeking seeking seeking, thinking thinking thinking. Meditation does not do it for me anymore, I cant find lasting peace from that or anything else really. Can't relax, can't take a break... I have heard all the teachings, I know all the techniques, seek/don't seek, concentrate/just be. This will potentially drive me to some kind of depression if I don't find a way to reconcile. 

    I'm just tired but seemingly not tired enough, as the strain has not broken me yet.

    Anyone feel the same? :/

  10. Posted · Edited by molosku

    (Please, do not dismiss what I have to say here just because oh non-dualism and epistemology, who cares. Also, when I say me or I I'm referring to the body that "has" perceptions)

    This is something thats on my mind often.

    Science tells a certain story about the big bang, formation of starts, planets, the sun, the earth, various phases of earth, and then we arrive at the start of evolution: something happened somehow and a distinction between life and death was born. Now there are all these living creatures, that then evolved into more complex forms and started to live more complex life. The dance between the laws of physics and evolution formed the nature we know today. Now:

    If i toss a coin, there is a 50/50 chance that it will land on either side, and in terms of logic and chance this is a valid statement.

    So if the above is true, we can say that if there are 100 male apes, and 100 female apes on a certain patch of forest, there is a probability that certain apes mate and have a certain baby ape from a certain sperm. The ape/forest setting is infinitely more complex system than a simple coin toss, as there are infinite variables that affect things. If NOTHING moves in the jungle, as in (mind)time stops and there is a state of "freeze", there is a 100% possibility that nothing happens. As soon as time starts to "roll again" the probabilities launch to infinity. 

    Science (and my parents, haha) tells me that I'm a product of their actions. But if I trace my (body) existence down the family tree, and just START to consider my existence as a probability, the unlikeliness of my existence just blows beyond infinite just like that. To think that I'm a product of unbroken chain right from the first living organism to my parents, is absolutely insane. The unlikeliness is just... beyond words.

    But here I am, nevertheless. From this I can only conclude that I MUST exist (as I do as what I really am is infinity, although Im awfully forgetful about that). The fact of my existence reveals that there is a really interesting paradox (or strangeloop) in probability as an idea being valid and unvalid at the same time. It tells something about nature that is valid, but at the same time it completely collapses on itself.

    We truly cannot know for certain what happens after death. Yes, you can have non-dual experiences where you realize that there never was life or death, it's just a dance, a happening, but that experience does not give you any information about the "mechanics" of this dream and dying. YES you can become infinity, but that only tells you HOW it it is, not how it works. You can only make educated guesses.

    So this leaves me contemplating: "What does the fact of my existence tell me about the nature and mechanics of death and existence?"

    Now I'll do the thing I discouraged you guys to do:

     

    batman-absolute-infinity.png

    (from Leos blog)

  12. Posted · Edited by molosku

    ALWAYS bulk with quality foods, and do count your macros and calories. Use myfitnesspal. Bulking as a "just eat a lot, no need to be too picky" is horrible advice. Yes you will gain WEIGHT but what you are after is muscle, so you should not be that interested in weight. Track your weight every morning, and make sure you are not gaining over 0,5kg a week. Dont stare at the figures, they dont really mean anything as your weight varies a lot for multiple reasons, but if your monthly data shows that you in average gained >1kg a week, you are overeating. Plan strategic cheat days once a week that ideally consist of a cheat MEAL and a decently portioned dessert if you wish. Cheat days are not eat whatever days.

    If you can't stuff enough solid food into your face to meet your caloric needs, get a blender and blend bananas, quark, whey, yogurt, peanut butter (low sugar), oats,  berries and water,  thats easy 1000kcal right there. Tastes great also! There is no reason to eat low quality food to get hueg and sronk. 

    Meme bulking leads to big guys who look bad without a shirt, you propably dont want that. I used to be like that. Now I'm much much stronger in relation to my bodyweight, and feel and look much better. All the strongest guys in my gym don't pack a lot of fat, for a reason: it's unnecessary. 

    Also as a side note, and advice:

    You propably know that you should log your lifts each training session. But what rarely gets spoken of, is that its really usefull to also log your total training volume and intensity. 

    That means:

    sets x reps x weight = total volume

    Sets x reps x intensity = total intrnsity

    And make sure that both of those go up monthly. I wish i knew this earlier. 

    Also:

    If you feel you are going to wreck yourself if you attempt that last rep, it totally is not worth it. Healing from injury <<<< 5% less volume than you planned on one set of one lift. 

    If you have more questions, pm me, im happy to help :)

    Good luck! 

    Source: my greatness, experience and valor

  16. Posted · Edited by molosku

    @Shin @shamaanitar Yang reporting in.

    Twin flame is a nice concept, but I think it all comes ultimately down to cosmic luck or some kind of "destiny", although that word is often thrown around carelessly. My metaphysical understanding is that _things_happen_, it's the same idea as destiny, but destiny is like a story, a happening is_happening_. Also, destiny comes with a lot of glittery baggage and destiny is personal. But life is not personal, as there is no person there to "recieve" life and it's events. Life happens. It's really not _meant_ to be, it's being without the "meant" part. Finding that special someone is a chaotic system, so much can't _really_ be said how to find your twin flame, it happens if it happens. This should not limit ones view of who to date or who to be in a relationship with, one is much better off with just going with what happens and seeing what it brings.

    True happiness is always within, not in a state of partnership. All relationships require work and sacrifice, no matter how special. No relationship is perfect, of course, as perfection is a human idea. All relationships are a stack of cards, a balancing act of two egos, so every relationship has a potentiality for failure. 

    Nothing deepens a relationship more than awareness and personal growth, that I can say. If one or the other starts to regress in either, a function is set in motion to cripple authenticity and selflessness of the relationship.

     

    All this said:

    The relationship I'm experiencing is something I see no one close to me having, that is for sure. Of course I can't know and feel everything to other people go trough, but I feel it would be too modest to say that what we have is a regular or better than average relationship. It truly is special, and one I intend to develop and cherish with as much of my being as I can.

    Much luck to you Shin, I hope you and that someone find a way. If not, well, that's just what life has planned for you.

  20. Posted

    Anti depressants are an obvious cause, also:

    DIET. DIET. DIET. 

    This is such an important factor especially regarding energy levels. Make sure you eat loads of unprocessed colorful stuff, a bunch of slow digesting fiber, an adequate amount of quality protein. Consider getting your bloodwork done, there might be some mineral or vitamin defiencies. 

    Good luck! 

  23. Posted · Edited by molosku

    @egoless i feel you man, same line of thinking here (intj).  This just is an emotionally intelligent mans world, not to say Im very intelligent, but being over analytical is a form of intelligence. I have practically nothing to say to new people that I meet, I can kinda swim by with what others say, but If im with other introverts im like.......... :D Im practicly Hannibal Lecter minus the killing and eating of others and snobbery, plus way better sense of humor (imo :D) 

    This of course has many many benefits and there are definite pros that come with this kinda personality. It's easier for me to concentrate, cut the bullshit, do work, connect the dots, see the big picture etc granted that Im not feeling lazy. I can easily override my emotional side to bust trough work that I just have to do, and it does not tax my wellbeing too much. Emotional people just collapse if they are forced to do this. Byt yeah,  lazy + over analytical is a hard combo not to beat yourself up with. 

  24. Posted · Edited by molosku

    Some experiences i have had:

    • Physical body disappeared
    • Awakening
    • Was physically at two places at once
    • Visited my subconscious (was greeted by an authority figure that told me to fuck off, had no business being there) 
    • Hallucinated dead bodies everywhere
    • Hallucinated that witches were crawling to get me
    • Multiple super intense and long meditation/self inquiry sessions thst blew my mind right out the window

    Without psychedelics my sense of materialism and a physical world would be much much more overpowering than it is now. They have also helped me overcome multiple emotional and intellectual blocks, reveal my underlying paradigms and generally expanded my sense of what is possible and what is the nature of consciousness and reality. Also I am gaining a better sense of the limitations of psychedelics as I progress with my endeavours. 

    I consider waking normal life to be a time of contemplation, integration and refueling for the next trip, wich are necessary if you want to get as much juice out of your trips as possible. Tripping too frequently drasticly affects the value of tripping. 

    I have ao far only experimented qith mushrooms and lsd. Heres what I think of them:

    I love mushrooms. They represent everything that i love about the power of psychedelics. They can mindfuck you so hard that you just have to collapse under the weight and humility that they teach you. Golded teachers indeed. Taking them literally feels like rebooting your brain or mind, you have to recollect everything you know and think you know afterwards. They can be beautyful, tender, gentle, funny and insightfull, or downright hellish and punishing. It all depends on how you live your life. Theres a deep deep wisdom in everyone, that the mushroom digs up and reveals to you. If you are not sufficiently aligned with this wisdom, you will suffer for it. But thats a huge opportunity for growth. 

    Lsd takes a katana of consciousness and slices the present moment like a razorblade on steroids. Its easy for me to completely immerse myself to the now on it, and this,  I think, is the greatest unqiue property of lsd. I dont get quite the same effect on shrooms, not even close. Lsd is also the dot connecting psychedelic, very intellectual. This is also its downfall for me, I dont experience too much growth or powerfull introspection from it. I tend to turn outwards instead. This has it benefits of course, but I would choose shrooms over lsd every time. Lsd for me is most often not very "spiritual", I dont feel the same magical connectedness to everything as with shrooms. 

    Now: do NOT do this at home. Combining shrooms and lsd together is one _insane_ combo. Imagine turning inward with the focus of a supercharged lazerbeam, slicing and cutting through your essence.  Thats pretty much how it feels. It combines the best peoperties of both substances, but of course, by doing this you open up a possibility for a nightmare trip of a lifetime. I don't recommend this combo, I just share my experiences with it. 

    Ps. Mdma feels good in your body? pfffffft try a high dose of shrooms. Shrooms >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>mdma. And yeah you see nice visuals with psychedelics, they are always great :) many beginners can get trapped in them though, you can totally loose yourself for hours just staring at stuff. 

  25. Posted · Edited by molosku

    I had an intense awakening experience two month back, was crying and laughing uncontrollably for 30min straight. 

    After that I had a HUGE ego backlash, I just spiraled into depression for an hour or so. It seemes like life is pointless, I will have a shit life, everything is shit, life is suffering and it would be better to just off myself to save me from this hell of existance. Then it faded away and I was back to normal baseline happiness and consciousness. Also my mind was quick to deny my experience as just some odd anomalie.

    So yeah, these things happen, just notice it and wait it out :) Do things that make you feel good and happy. Be aware of this: your ego tells you that you are now unmotivated and everything is dull and stupid, then your super ego comes in and says "No! You were supposes to be bigger than these petty emotions, you were supposed to be spiritual and happy!" Try to see trough this battlefield before the fight gets too intense and put down your sword and shield. Lay on the grass instead.