molosku

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About molosku

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  1. It should not be that much about which side to take, more like working with you and your feelings, and finding tangible ways to improve the quality of your life, something they cant do for you. It doesn't really help you does it if they just sing the song you would hope they sing with you. The decicion on how to live your life is 100% on you, so your goal should not be to validate those choices via a therapist, but rather help him/her help you in finding the parts in you that are currently holding you back, all the emotions and tricks and excuses your mind makes that keep you stuck and how your own mind finds ways to validate your misery. See, all of this is 100% about you. It is very liberating and scary at the same time. "I think a large part of the depression is 'caused by' this back and forth impossibility between trying to satisfy (and fail) the parents and trying to live my life, it has worked maybe till the time I graduated, and then it stopped working coz I wanted to make my own decisions at last from then on, it's one of those unsolvable equations and thank you for making me realize that!" You are very much on the right track here. I know I struggle with accepting that sometimes those that "should" love us unconditionally the most instead hurt us the most. I very much have gone through that exact pattern, although in a slighty different flavour of bullshit. You can do it, take care! ps. hope you find a therapist that works better for you. It is a common experience of patients to struggle with find a good match, so don't give up.
  2. A Finnish actor once mentioned in a podcast a concept called "the murder of the parent", I'm not sure if it exists in other languages/cultures. What is basically refers to is a total cutting of the emotional umbilical cord: for some it is necessary during their adulthood to take 110% responsibility of cutting all emotional dependance (meaning their emotions about YOU won't affect the direction your life is taking the slightest bit) to their parents, as the parents are not mature enough to help you do it in a graceful way. It is referred as "murder" as that is a little bit like how it feels to the parents, that is the "dramatic" or "theatrical" part of it. "Oh, how could our son do this! Oh oh this is sooooo horriblee ;((" Ask yourself: what do you need to do in order to "murder" them in this way? That WILL include some straight shooting on your part, it will be hard and it will likely be very messy, but it is also very simple: Which is more important to you: your happiness or your parents happiness? Which can you control? You need to be 110% honest with yourself and admit it's the first option, and be courageous by living by that, what ever it takes. You have all the wrong motivations and background emotions to have children or to even think about wether to have them or not, throw that idea out of the window. Life is wayy to short to be dealing what what you are suffering through right now: take back control of your life! Also: visit a therapist on a regular basis, talk to him/her about your experiences and feelings about this. A good therapist will help you weed out a lot of bullshit from you emotional system and the way you approach your life
  3. who gave you the idea that your technique was THE thing that should prove whether you can "do" it or not? I have good and bad news: the path is more subtle than that
  4. never said it is superior, more like comparing what you get "out of" sober/lsd meditation in the context of vipassana retreat is pointless because there is more things at play during the retreat than an "optimal" condition for non-dual experiences during, just like there is with 5meo vs lsd qualitatively (depends on the person which works towards having mystical experiences better, like you described). Don't wanna derail this thread. But like mentioned already, I would rather turn the desire to have the microdose into an object of mindful attention on the retreat. Observe your emotions and thought patterns and what they make you experience, what kind of attitude you have about just sitting foe hours and hours.
  5. agreed 100%, this is what I was basically after
  6. 100uq of LSD will be aimless compared to what you will experience on 15mg of 5-meo-DMT pointless comparison in my opinion, still would advice to do the 10 day retreat as instructed: sober.
  7. In the vipassana paradigm you have aversion towards being sober, so it goes directly against the teaching. At least that is how I understood it, so keep that in mind. If i were you I would do the 10 day retreat sober, and only after do an extra day alone where you microdose. Try fasting while you are at it.
  8. Thinking you need to get "off" the solipsism island or otherwise "work" it IS the solipsism island lmao. It's too simple, but somehow gets so much emphasis on this forum: you need to think about solipsism to have a notion of it. It's literally just words. What is ultimately true must be true for all thinking and non-thinking beings equally, which is precisely "questioned" by solipsism. It's a trap, grab a rope. I think someone here said it well: if you have difficulty with solipsism you simply need to get out more and enjoy the company of others, create deeper relationships and snap out of this madness
  9. who the hell are you asking? ;D Why did God create YOU would be a more essential question.
  10. chop wood, carry water ==> chop wood, carry water with mind crippling suffering and probably serious problems with sleep for the rest of your life. Some people kill themselves over tinnitus. wise? No. Cool? At least they thought so
  11. You can get permanent tinnitus by attempting that. There are way better and effective, safe techniques discussed on this forum.
  12. yes, sure, but if "how" is the question, just sitting in silence might not be enough for everyone was my point. There are so many possible reasons why love can seem impossible towards the "external", and it CAN be quite complicated to sort it all out. But I do paraphrase you: "if you would have no love in your life, you would kill yourself very quickly".
  13. you essentially did not address my initial post to this thread. It's almost like you are saying it's non-duality or nothing, and that is a slippery slope to so much devilry and misery, counterintuitively. No one is saying NOT to also work spiritually.
  14. and if that does not work? yeah