youngshinzen

Then why is there Hinayana (motivation to liberate only one self) and Mahayana (motivation to liberate all beings) in Buddhism? @Leo Gura

@DianaFr Thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed response, I am really touched by it! I‘ll implement your advice😊

Hey, I am noticing a pattern in contact with women. As soon as it gets close there‘s immense fear of it not working out. My mind is very muched focused on a negative outcome (reasons being: worthlessness, being inferior, not masculine enough) and this leads to strong emotions in the chest (burning sensation) and tingling in the whole body. Unfortunately, it‘s hard for me to have a vivid idea what I wish for in a relationship for the future, because I don’t seem to have an emotional connection to a positive outcome. I am able to consciously feel into the pain and am trying to dissolve it, but it is extremely intense and I fear losing my marbles😄 At the same time this "mirror" is what I always wished for so that I can access this pain and process it. So two questions that arise: 1. If the pain gets triggered and is enhanced through negative thoughts which leads to a vicious cycle - is this reinforcing a pattern, turning this state into a habit, just making it more rigid? 2. I imagined how the source could be in relationship to my mother and even though there is no traumatic experience I recall, I forgave her for not being able to meet my needs all the time. When I did this the girls face I imagined seemed less threatening and more innocent/friendly. Maybe this is the right direction? What‘s the best way to forgive deeply?

@bejapuskas That could very well be the case. I investigated what the worst case scenario would be and it‘s that I could start to cry in front of the others and they look at me and say: what‘s going on with you? are you ok? But not in an empathic way , more in a way that means that I am strange. And this look gives me a feeling of distance and loneliness. So there seems to be a huge assumption. Thanks for making me more aware of this! @silene That‘s what I experience with meditation too, I agree that this longterm approach is healthy and will be the way.✌️

Now that all the basics (diet, workout, sleep and meditation) are in their place, I was able to identify distinctly what arises in social situations: As soon as there are people around me (not only family, but friends) there‘s a tingling sensation in my body. If I stay aware of this feeling with high focus and relax the body into it, it is very powerful, but doesn‘t lead to too much pain and resistance. If I do not consciously relax into it, the body tenses up from the inside and I become numb and overwhelmed (lacking present gaze and ability to communicate). There‘s also some headache being activated. I just did a guided meditation lying down before I hit the point of no return, which is a lasting pain body (in extrem cases lasts up to 2 days). It helped to a certain degree, there‘s still some vulnerability in the heart and tears that almost surface. But how can I get to the root of this? So that there is no activation of the tingling sensation and I can stay relaxed, like I am when I am alone?

@Elisabeth @captainamerica Thanks!

Day28: vegetarian burgers Challenge complete!

Day27: red lentils with lemon, feta cheese and tomatoes

Day26: black tiger shrimps, potatoe sticks with mozarella and spinach, salad with feta cheese and lemon

Day25: Same as yesterday

Day24: go to meal: red lentil pasta with veggies and org ground beef, sesame, zaziki and pickles

Day23: vegan burger patties, protein toast, org tomatoes, onions, jalapeños, pickles, gouda

Day22: Was in another city and could have chosen KFC, McDonalds or even something quite healthy from the baker, but instead I bought the most expensive salad I ever😄

Day20/21: salad, rice with veggies and beef oven potatoes and sour cream oatmeal as usual

Day19: Zucchini and carrot as noodles with high quality steak and veggies craving sweets but oatmeal and berries are satisfying enough too😄