Prenatal Trauma

[youngshinzen]

So I’ve experienced a few key insights over the past few years that all seem to fit together like a puzzle. Question is: is there a way to heal?

My mom was pregnant with me while taking refugee from war. She experienced deep fear of death and at some point also felt it in her belly. In that moment she even felt a deeper belly ache which came from me as an embryo. This was from 7-9 months pregnancy. I first heard about this when I was 22.

At 26 I participated in a body therapy workshop and it resulted in such a deep connection to my body, that I could clearly feel that there was absolutely no emotional connection towards women. Like standing in front of a cliff and there’s just a void. My emotional connection was generated by the mind/ratio. At least that’s what it felt like and I was never so deeply connected to my heart and emotions.

At 30 I was at a meditation retreat, again connected to myself more deeply over the course of a week and in the end asked myself: why am I so afraid of being close to women? A picture arose: the pearly gates. I immediately knew what it meant. It means ego death. When being close to a woman I dissolve into a egoless state. My explanation was that I do not have a "male" identity that could be in a relation with a woman. If I would somehow get over the extreme panic that comes up in a relation, depending on how close it gets, I would just jump into an ego death, where there is no relation, since there is no self. But after realising this, I also had the wish to build this male identity and experience a loving relationship with a woman before (ego) death.

Two weeks ago I was at my therapist and I realised that I, as the embryo in my mothers belly, had absolutely no chance to set boundaries against these intense emotions of fear. I was simply flooded with them and couldn’t escape. And boundaries are needed to build an identity. The chance to build an identity was not given and so this deep trauma and the boundless state gets triggered with women, since every woman I encounter is a reflection of the relationship to my mother.

Now that I’ve had these insights, I can grasp much better what’s going on and feel empathy towards the embryo. But the question remains: How can I heal this? Is it even possible?

 

[flowboy]

@youngshinzen  Yes, it is possible.

Through Primal Therapy.

Once you fully relive it, remember it, feel it, sense it in all dimensions, the damage is undone.

Although this can take years. For some unlucky ones, decades.

Have you had birth relivings? What kind of work are you doing with your therapist?

Check out some of these stories:

http://primal-page.com/dedi.htm

http://primal-page.com/curse.htm

Quote

So we have a developing fetus who has no effective repressive mechanisms trying to borrow some of mother’s serotonin to help out, but to no avail. A completely naïve physical system has no frame of reference that tells it that basic physiologic processes are deviated. During gestation the system deviates and then considers that deviation as normal. So the baby is born with inadequate serotonin/gating capacity, and that deficiency follows him throughout life. But it is an already wounded organism, a wound that almost no one can see or even imagine. He will grow up chronically anxious, unable to concentrate or focus. He may well be ADD and be unable to sit still because the activation goes on incessantly. It shows itself in the panic attacks that happens when the system is vulnerable and gating weak; the imprint from gestation rises to the top and shouts out its message which almost no one can decipher. It is such a mystery because its origins are so arcane.

An example: a girl is born in wartime to a mother who is chronically anxious because her husband has been sent to war and left her all alone. The anxious mother transmits some of that to her baby who is then considerably weakened. He cannot fully repress to hold down pain. By the time infancy happens there is already a weak, vulnerable baby who is chronically agitated. This may be the beginnings of serious mental illness. It is not obvious to the human eye but the damage is done.

Too often this is ascribed to heredity because no one can imagine what has already happened in the womb. It is kind of a free- floating anxiety that seems to have no specific time of origin. Remember, this is a purely physiologic reaction originated at a time when there was no higher brain centers to process the event. To recapture it we must retreat to that primitive brain. At 30, we may suffer from panic attacks that began its life in the very early months of our mother’s pregnancy. It is pristine, ready to spring forth whenever we are vulnerable. No talk therapy can make a dent in it because it involves a vegetative primitive nervous system which was adequate to register pain and terror during womb-life. This is a nervous system impervious to words; it doesn’t understand them and does not respond to them. So insights leave it absolutely indifferent. The womb experience leaves us fragile for a lifetime so that any insult or lack of love in infancy and childhood weakens us all the more. That is why we need drugs that work on lower brain centers below the intellectual in order to suppress these imprints for a time.

So much severe mental illness has its causes so early in our lives; and then nature later provides us with useless intellectual tools to address them. When all we have to do is let the primitive nervous system take charge and lead the way. It knows the path to liberation.

https://cigognenews.blogspot.com/2008/07/womblife-and-serotonin-origins-of.html

Edited September 26, 2023 by flowboy