twoosees

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Posts posted by twoosees

  1. Posted

    From time to time, especially when I try break away from media stimulation and the chores of the day

    I get this thought of death washes over me, to the point it feels as if it's quite scary because I think of it as no sense of anything forever. It cripples me.. 

    It reoccurs from time to time each year, more so because I've been in quite numerous near death experiences going to the hospital catching covid and seeing a therapist for unresolved trauma

    How do you deal with the totality or however you make meaning of death

  2. Posted · Edited by twoosees
    Grammer

    Good day to all on the boards

    Got an opportunity presented by my cousin to appply to work at an insurance company as renewal advisor for insurance policies Eg) hastings

    Back story is I've been out of college for 1 year and this is going on 2. After much fuss I even got presented with an interview and the company  wants to do background checks on monday. 

    Have questions on what I'm contributing towards letting others renew their policies.. 

    Are insurance companies a well intented cause in society.. 

    So some articles speaking on some of its impacts to climate change.. 

    It's a catch 22 situation.. I do somewhat have a life purpose being an average artist, doing illustrations and graphic design. also started a YouTube quite recently but nowhere near 1000 subscribers mark.. 

    Id like to give this oppurtunity it

    the benefit of the doubt but dunno how much longer I can go unemployed. It's also a survival thing as I am 23 now still staying with parents

    Plus the unemployment in my country now is higher than 50%

    Lol quite bleak hey

    Let me know your thoughts and TIA

     

  3. Posted

    I think I'm going to have to have to call it quits with the OneNote system and revert back to handwriting

    Reasoning:

    - I get strained by having to spend so much time on a computer(even with blue light), and the are numerous tasks outside journaling that I have to do since I upload content on the internet from time to time

    -ive restarted so many times with new sections and new notebooks. I often get deluded on what is I need to focus on. I could counter-argue that I should develop a better workflow. it would not be so much of an issue with physical books as you just need to carry on in that same book, forcing you to go back to entries. although there is a potential for environmental harm. (Lol the spiral dynamics green stage self speaking)

    - It's too easy to get sucked into other distractions as everything else is a click away from entering a rabbit hole of things tangent to what you were doing. discipline has been shot overtime

    - I had an intuition that I should revert back to physical notation but I was unaware of my own preference and what works for me, and pushed it so much so that it took this long to notice I'm going nowhere slowly

    - I was already not too organised with the physical notes(in the case where its not in a book and single exam pad pages) taking that to the digital notation 

    the system just had a difficult time navigating and concentrating.

    - I tend to notice retaining information is easier for me when it's tangible/physical with a recent issue for my learner's licence for driving. Studying from the physical copy did justice in getting to acquire

    - the benefit of not losing material over time will be done through a system of digitising the notes and putting them on cloud storage.

    Anyone find digital journaling more draining or actually opt for it the whole way. lol, am I being too much of a conservative to technology?

  4. Posted

    I was on Twitter and got to know about the Indian vaccine outbreak. Still baffles me how it's own government put them in the gutter with this one. Granted though India is a pretty densely populated and not as outstretched as China

    It seems that it's entangled with its vaccine rollout to other countries instead and it's efficacy actually didn't do that much to the community. 

    Anywho.. It seems it's not at all being talked about amongst my peers and family alike. And I understand it's devastating for people in India (or to better phrase it it I sympathize with them since I went through being hospitalized for Covid) 

    Definitely not as bad in SA in terms of the hospitals being overcrowded. Generally we just had to get more beds outside the facility and cover it through using large tents if it got full inside. Not this hardcore situation where people are sharing beds. 

    Rich countries are hesitant to get involved with aiding them. 

    Inquiring my own attachment to this reality in India, I came to wonder why people can be so ignorant to suffering and the level we can go to just survive. I feel like people will even say India has got its own to blame for the pandemic.. 

    Lmao I guess one of the realizations is that you can become such an activist and martyr for the wellbeing of other people that you are willing to affect your mental and emotional well-being like I am by ranting here, rather than focusing on survival tactics in my own country, life purpose and making a living

     

     

  7. Posted

    @BipolarGrowth "FU money is defined as any amount of money allowing the infinite perpetuation of wealth necessary to maintain a desired lifestyle without needing employment or assistance from anyone."

    I can't grasp this yet, my work results still have not reached their exponential peak, lol actually quite sad but I have to persist. 

    @Tanz I was thinking along those lines but then the desperation to get my life in order is quite alarming now. I'm 23, and there is a time limit to my stay here at home(I also expected to not stay so long so it's quite overdue). other aspects of my life are also taking a toll(dating) and being social.

    yes, there is a sacrifice to having a life purpose and I have to balance my attention to each of the aspects. Integrity might be compromised but its not wise to be a perfectionist about it.

  8. Posted

    13 hours ago, Tanz said:

    There are more elevated and conscious solutions but first, you have to be both conscious and intelligent enough to offer the world a solution.  

    The markets is one of the causes for political and corporate corruption, it is exploitative in nature because the people that created it is that.  
    If you have a solution, please share a method or methods

     

    I have identified some health listed companies. They are not at all perfect and have a long way to go. I hope I'm not naive enough to understand that by having investment in these health related companies I can influence how they operate and elevate the way they do business.. 

  10. Posted

    Is part of gaining more consciousness and awareness derived from where you get your pleasure from? 

    I've been getting into the scope of Semen retention teachings and came across this video. 

    I have went through some Taoist literature, and research on it and seems a lot more than Sexuality. Yes you can get to the tantric levels and experience big states of consciousness (apparently, yet to experience)

    More so about transmutation

     

  11. Posted

    6 hours ago, The0Self said:

    If you're not investing (partaking in the capital gains that are already present), you're gonna get left behind, and those resources will just go to someone else who may or may not have your values.

    Spot on. I shouldn't be crying foul if others are benefiting from it if I'm resistant to it. Not a lot of people are considerate as me about what I involve me in and the risks I take, which can make me shoot myself in the foot.

  15. Posted · Edited by twoosees

    Simple question to discuss because I'm a spiral dynamics green minded type of person. My family on the other hand and pick up community I sometimes involve myself with advocate for probability systems such as the financial markets. Does it have any full circle effects to things such as the income  gap between poor and rich? 

    Suggestions and opinions are appreciated. 

    I'm in my 20s BTW looking to earn substantial income this year. I'm open to it but I don't if it sacrifices my ideals/integrity. I've been open to making it integral into my life if it's a concious mechanism/vehicle/medium to elevate my concioisness

  17. Posted

    Hi there

    I'm having a slight difficulty within myself. There is a tug of war going on inside of my mind with regards to me wanting to help my brother out. He flunked his first term and it's a somewhat important year to get his act together. 

    I've introspect  on the matter and it seems part of it is a projection of wanting control a narrative that should go right for him.. As I wasted my opportunity years ago only towards the end of the year because I was not handling trauma and emotional turmoil well enough in my teens

    He is sucked into the pop culture sensationalism like Tik Tok Twitter and Ytube. Sometimes I express my disdain but feel bad since I was time on social networks myself sometimes. We do laugh about what they show on these social media apps because I'm trying to be where his at in life. 

    I notice parental tendancies coming out too. 

    Part me wants to deny helping so he can help himself .. While the other part so wishes to advise him.. And not for it to come of as controlling... 

    Fuck.. 

  21. Posted

    Just finishing of the video on How Ideology works..

    Man, the mind, my mind our mind is quite the constructionist.

    I could say that I intuitively shared some discussion points on how being locked into what society programs you is destructive, but on the other end that could also be an ideology, you can make out of life. reflecting on some points I found out that our minds always try to ground us in intuitive notions of reality. more especially for the curious type who can not accept the bare facts of their culture.

    Knowing how dense the topics on actualized are, in some instances, it's difficult for me to see if I am making an ideology out of reality or rather if I'm being actual about the experience.

    eg) notion of the mind operating outside the physical notion of Self and body

    when I walk or experience the current reality at the moment, I feel that I am taking concepts and inserting them into reality( like that of nonduality, the shapeshifting phenomenon of God being in a 'limited' form but is infinite in reality).

    I also had the thought to leave the consumption of teachings as it gets too addictive to get into a rabbit hole of dense content. I did some years ago, then got back into it. Lol, love-hate relationship with this platform.

    Like it's like you want to make a cult out of your beliefs, to cement an experience, whether with good intentions or not...

    at this point this post might be mental masturbation but wanted to put it out to get a different perspective  rather than 'ideology' lol

     

  22. Posted

    @Jacob Morres Noted. Thank you for the breakdown of your points. 

    I tend to express myself far too much now, but that is only because it is advised by some resources, but that is because it makes me more authentic. I used to think I'm selling my soul to frame myself in a grunt worker as I adopted this approach. 

    However, I see the benefits of a solid portfolio. 

    I really do not have anything to disagree on, except for paying for a referral.. is that not corrupt? . if it is rather I see sacrifice and willingness to do whatever it takes to get the job, but not sure if my concious is okay with that

  24. Posted

    @Meditationdude Haha, thanks for the perspective. I mean yeah maybe for some jobs I should not be overly minded with these ideals of creativity, especially with manual labour and sales. bring it down to earth you know. but truth be told I am looking for a job for finances are in a sham, and I'm of the age to earn and move out. 

    @Hello from Russia Thank you for this. I've sabotaged myself for the longest time by not making time to prepare a portfolio. what do you mean by brute force it? Just keep applying for graphic jobs till they can't deny me? 

  25. Posted

    @Wilhelm44 The cost and its culture have negatively affected me because it is not for everyone, especially the ivy league type. I was not focused that much, and the guilt of eating up my parents money on some informations and skills i can learn for myself finally reached a tipping point.

    They are too glorified, especially here in SA. When only a number of the people get what they want out of it.