meta_male
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Posts posted by meta_male
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@John Paul I actually had to reduce contact to her for similar reasons.
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@NoSelfSelf Who are we to say the women in his life weren't shitty? Maybe that was the case for him. I highly doubt he met every girl in the world, so he obviously doesn't mean literally every woman on the planet.
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@John Paul That's insecure behaviour, healthy women don't do this. I wouldn't even bother.
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@NoSelfSelf Come on man, he's speaking his truth. We all project.
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24 minutes ago, Lila9 said:@John Paul Can you give some examples of shit tests you went through?
@John Paul Also, how do you measure beginning and end? Are you referring to a test during a conversation?
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20 minutes ago, John Paul said:@meta_male to what degree is too far? A test an hour? 30 minutes? 15 minutes?
This is way too specific to answer. Listen to your gut more. The lower her attraction for you the more she will test.
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3 minutes ago, John Paul said:is it a habit of all women? To what degree is too far?
In my case all of them, yes. If you have healthy boundaries like @KH2 said, you will pass their test with ease and might not even notice.
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25 minutes ago, John Paul said:Or how can we tell if she is repeatedly attempting to push our same button or if it’s just a habit?
@John Paul Even worse if it's a habit, so it doesn't matter if it's one or the other.
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@Zion Dude, that was impressive.
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5 hours ago, Julian gabriel said:I find it difficult to empathize with this behavior since I have no desire whatsoever to cut myself.
she also wants to show me her cuts on her body
She wants to show you the cuts so you can see and understand her pain, words are insufficient to communicate that. And she's probably not yet aware that nobody will ever be able to relate to her pain the way she does.
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@no_name Yeah, my mum was constantly comparing me to my sister who had a much closer connection with her. She kept bible bashing and twisting verses to make me understand that if I don't open up more I will eventually get cancer ?
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12 hours ago, puporing said:and or attributing any "good results" I get to their doing/"good parenting" lol.
@puporing Haha that's so frustrating
Def can relate. In my experience not having my suffering and successes acknowledged made me slowly lose respect for them and be more on my own than seeking their company. I can love them from a distance and feel deeply for them, but all this goes flying out the window as soon as they're around. They're excellent at knowing exactly which buttons to push.
Do you feel guilty when thinking about they becoming older without you being around them much?
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11 hours ago, axiom said:@meta_male The seeking of meaning is the suffering.
Labels like "narcissist" are a form of dehumanisation and condemnation. Pathological narcissism is very rare. Carelessly throwing this label around helps neither the apparent victim nor the apparent perpetrator (both of whom can suffer a lot)
Yeah on the absolute level we could agree on that, but victims of abuse unaware of the dynamics at play will just get more confused by hearing something like this; they need practical advice, which builds up momentum. And if the term narcissism helps you make sense of your experience even better.
Of course first learning about this subject and being able to relate might make you put the label on more people than necessary. This is okay and the last thing you should worry about when trying to escape situations where people keep crossing your boundaries is whether you labelling someone as one thing or another is dehumanizing. Because it is exactly what's holding those people back from stepping up.
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@axiom It's just a label to help people make sense of why they might be suffering.
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42 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:It's like they are carrying the food in their hands and you are very hungry and needy.
Well said. Yeah, they like leaving breadcrumbs that will never satisfy you.
Sounds like you went through quite a bit!
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29 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:Yea I had to deal with narcissistic abuse in relationships.
It's a tough thing. Recognizing patterns is key to freedom.
@Tyler Robinson It can get quite disturbing in relationships, right? Sorry to hear you had to go through this. Did you realise afterwards or still while in it?
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@Ulax Damn bro, both parents. Sorry to hear. Must have been even more so confusing for you being all three of those roles! I gotta to do some more research into them, there seem to be several models with added characters.
In my case I knew before, but wasn't aware of what it does to me until I moved away from them. What I realised was the closer they were to me the more I was able to relate and see the world through their eyes. What I could never wrap my head around though is how you can be so ruthless with life and people in general and be able to keep putting on your act without breaking.
Always mostly attracted narcissistic friends too and one dude who showed traits of psychopathy. I was able to break free from them after school while attracting new ones into my life right after. It had a lot to do with my fear of being alone and letting others constantly overstep my boundaries.
1 hour ago, Ulax said:Shit almost killed me, and I would say dealing with narcissistic folks has been the key theme of my life so far. Coming across the reseach on narcissism and recovering from my traumas has been alike uncovering a vast conspiracy theory for me.
This thought has crossed my mind several times already. It's like you can keep unraveling more and more layers and work out why you behave the way you do today.
I've seen some of Dr. Ramani's videos, she's fire. Definitely gotta look into the other ones you mentioned. Quite humbling to see how deep all this this goes.
Would you say you were able to forgive your parents through knowing they must have experienced deep trauma in the past?
Valuable videos btw, cheers man! This resonates. ?
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What was your role in the family and are you still in touch with them?
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It took me thirty years to realise this after getting out of a relationship with a narcissist. All the puzzle pieces are coming together now as I'm sinking into another dark night.
I'm wondering how you guys would approach this. I already cut contact with some of them but I'm not so sure about my parents.
Do you understand your role in the family dynamic?
If you feel like sharing your personal experiences here I'd be really interested in them.
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2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:An i that doesn't exist trying to don't exist without success
You are what's aware of this endless mental cycle.
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in Dating, Sexuality, Relationships, Family
Posted
When you become more conscious you stop taking such hierarchies seriously. Besides, the beta comes right after the alpha. He is the one calling the shots if the alpha isn't around and not the one who finishes last. The ones that finish last aren't actually nice individuals. They're bitter, wimpy and insecure.
So if anything, being more conscious would make you sigma