ZenSwift

Merry Christmas!

🤔😲

Link to Previous Trip Report: > Dear reader; > The trip report is mostly written while I am high. > Text with the chevron “>” in front of it is text, is to point out that I wrote this as a comment afterward > I removed unnecessary filler to leave only the parts that might spark insight for you. > Things that I found particularly impactful will be in bold, underlined, or my top insights/musings will be in Green. Mushroom Trip 029 - Growth = Death Date: July 6th 2024 Time: Taken at 2:57pm Dose: 5g Wavy Caps (Psilocybe CYANESCENS, NOT your typical Psilocybe cubensis) Intention: What is Growth? Contemplations: What were the times that I grew the most in my life? When I put myself in a new challenging environment (Where I’m forced to shape-up) When I wrote the self-authoring suite. When I was writing a lot. Whenever I have a lot of suffering and fear to overcome. Thoughts on How to grow: Owning the truth. Becoming conscious of your self deceptions. Owning your corruption. > Complete Reflections and contemplations from Leo's Lectures on: Devilry, Corruption, Double Standards, Being Wrong, Avoidance of Truth, Fear. > Need to See Leo's video on real vs fake growth Start of Report: 13 minutes in: Subtle onset. - - If I feel like dying, I’m going for ego death. 18 minutes: kicking in. Wondering when I can meet Leo. This mushroom strain of Wavy Caps is very intense. It is very Ego dissolving. No wonder it went on sale. Nobody would like to use this strain for fun! Life advice for young people part 1 and 2. Watch it again Growth IS dying! Death creates real change. >At least it involves a lot of death of self/ ego-mind. Look at what other people your age are able to do. Look at the top performers, entrepreneurs, all of it. Set that as the bar for challenging yourself. And then challenge yourself to aim higher. Listen to your body, your body is deeply intelligent. If my body is telling me something, fucking take the authority OF MY BODY, and fuck any other human's authority. My body is deeply intelligent, remember that. My Gene Keys remind me of this that my body is the driver and my mind must follow. > The context I’m thinking about here is when I am in dangerous situations in Wildland Firefighting. Really gotta trust your body. Jokes are precisely where the exchange of authority happens. This is why the jester is right up there with the king. Growth happens when you know how to construct and deconstruct. Time doesn't exist! Holy shit! >That one just hit me like a brick to the back of my head. I wasn’t even going for it. I have instant access to nothingness. How the fuck do I even exist!? As the layers of ego dissolve, your access to the true nature of being deepens. At some point of the ego dissolution process, everything in your direct experience reveals itself to be nothingness. Then if you go further, you realize that this is all deeply intelligent, then going even further out becomes an overwhelming wave of love. Love being described as a traumatizing gravity that is slowly unifying and pulling reality all together. >Traumatizing oneness everybody! Reality will just wrap itself in layers of constructs in ways that you don't even know how. But this is how an ego gets constructed. An ego-self extends WAYY Beyond your body. It's like it extends out past your skin, let's say 100 m in front of you (when in reality it extends out throughout the infinite field of consciousness). The ego gets constructed by continually wrapping yourself in layers upon layers of stories, contexts and beliefs to explain away this current direct experience. > To the point where it no longer feels like a divine mystery. Learning to grow is to become conscious of what layer of constructs that you are currently wrapped in. Because throughout my entire life, it felt like trying to get myself out of A Rat's Nest. > Peeling back one layer of illusion after another, facing the truth. Owning the truth and accepting that I actually don’t know if I am going to wake up the next morning. I need to practice loving the process of falling asleep. That is a piece of therapy that I have not corrected yet. I still have fear of sleep, fear of facing whatever fucking crazy dream I am going to have next, fear of my consciousness drifting off. >Wayne Dyer said “You die every night”. I felt validated when he said that. I need to think in more terms about me being energetically correct. > This has been a big shift for me in approaching how I live my life. Oftentimes, I will energetically “feel” into a situation far faster than I have the ability to create words for it. Now I can lean into what my body is feeling and what my intuition is telling me far more. > Ask your self, “Is this [thing] energetically correct for me?” > > Examples: Career, Person, relationship, environment, food, etc. I realize I do much better with difficult conversations if I take the time to write it out. Even if I then have to read it out loud to them. I need to honor this part of my self more. > 2025 me is integrating this! > Anywhere you can have a Truthful conversation is an opportunity to gain respect. End of Report.

Previous Trip Report: > Dear reader; > The trip report is mostly written while I am high. > Text with the chevron “>” in front of it is text I wrote as a comment after the fact. > I removed unnecessary filler to leave only the parts that might spark insight for you. > Things that I found particularly impactful will be in bold, underlined, or my top insights/musings will be in Green. Mushroom Trip 028 - Strength Is Owning The Truth Dose: 5g Wavy Caps (Psilocybe CYANESCENS, NOT your typical Psilocybe Cubensis) This is a strain that is supposedly much stronger, with a slightly different matrix of effects. Context: In this chapter of my life, I was in the middle of my Wildland firefighting season. I went on a mushroom trip on my days off. Safe controlled environment at home. Mom is Trip sitting Date: June 16th 2024 Time: Taken at 12:50pm (Lemon Tekked from powder) Intention: What is strength? How can I be stronger? Start of Report: 16 minutes: Experiencing comeup 23 minutes: Strong comeup. Strength is owning the Truth. >There I am, just sitting there like a thinker statue, and this killer insight came in the first 28 minutes. Truth is literally what exists. You can only work with what exists. I notice much deeper now how much suffering is created and how self-deception and human bullshit stems from missing the truth of a situation. I think my biggest gaps in my self actualization is from a failure to make a truthful observation of myself and of my life situation. Therefore being unable to address my situation appropriately. (Like the truth is I have a real hard time to focus and motivate with an ADHD brain. And I benefit from routine and possibly even being medicated. And also of course I still want to do the heavy metal detox. I just need to finish up my research to cross every T.) Ask people this: “Tell me the truth that you want me to own.” And that will give me strength. This imaginary idea of “Energy trails” are a useful metaphor to understand how people perceive you. Just to notice what energy you put out. What trails you leave behind. Anything that's not seen as intelligent is just thrown away understanding. When you have truth, you have the ability to step on others because that is what actually exists. You can only step on others with what literally exists because if it doesn't exist and you can't step on other people with it. >The imagery that comes to mind here is stepping on someone’s tail as a form of control. If I want to be God I have to own the truth. That's owning your creation. Taking responsibility for it all. The truth hides behind knowing. If you want to become intelligent, learn to sit with the pain of not understanding. > The pain of not-knowing. Making yourself feel smart and intelligent (through any means) isn't the practice that actually makes you more intelligent. > Making yourself feel smart by having knowledge actually limits you from gaining real intelligence. Sometimes you have to choose to be strong. The Event of an ebike Getting Stolen: > Then halfway through the trip it was thrown way the fuck off because someone during the trip opened up the garage by accessing a truck that was unlocked, and stole my father's e-bike, which is worth several thousand dollars. Mid trip I was trying to get my trip sitter mom to calm the fuck down but her level of distress was way too high. > The thief had the garage door opener and I had no idea if or when they would be coming back. > I was seriously contemplating running to the neighbours, burying myself in the backyard, running for the hills. I thought the thief was going to come back and kill me. This was while I was PEAKING on 5g of wavy caps. > My body started to get REALLY hot. I was so hot I felt like I was going to die. I stripped down to my underwear and I'm just standing there in the kitchen in a panic. > I had no clue if I was going to get murdered by the thief coming back, or if my mom was going to kill me, or if I was going to die from my body getting too hot. > I called my friend to come over because I didn't feel safe at all. He came over in 20 minutes which felt like an eternity to even wait 10 minutes. > I was incredibly disappointed with how my trip sitter handled the situation. I was distressed, I didn't feel safe, I thought I was actually going to die or get killed. So it taught me a lot about the lack of awareness of my trip sitter. How she has no idea what it actually means to be a good sitter. Almost had my dog fucking killed because she could not get the dog inside from the confusion of the situation. Whereas my mind was so open that I immediately recognized that we were stolen from. Her mind was not open enough. > My mom then continued to have a heated conversion on the phone with my aunt about the whole situation. And I was absorbing all of that negative energy. > I just told her to let it go. But she couldn't at all. Couldn’t even shut the fuck up for the duration of my trip. > She also couldn't just take responsibility for the situation, or even sit with accepting the state of consciousness of not knowing. > Honestly I'm glad it happened because now, going forward I'm just going to trip alone. > So, because of that, the trip was incredibly rough. But I guess at some point my ego was dissolved enough or something because I entered a state of consciousness where I just decided to feel good, to have a good day. I felt like I could run naked in the streets. Because I entered a state to just love and appreciate everything. In that moment, I felt like I could make an ass of myself like Connor Murphy and be totally fine with it. > I entered a state of consciousness I can only explain as “Going Connor Murphy Mode”: Making absurd statements to make fun of the dream. Because I realize that I am the Ultimate authority in interpreting my perceptions of what is. > Saying silly things like: “I can choose to have sex with doors, I just realized!” “I can fuck my leg!!!” “Leo is this, Leo is that, And I can make it in my mind to be true because I have the authority.” > Realizing how easily the mind can make up some story, and then believe it as true. Illuminating to me the power of self-deception. > It was a very rough trip. But I did enter some states of fulfilment. I believe I had a deep look into the nature of metaphysical love. Where it's clear that the collapsing of dualities is simply just love. What's not to love? I can decide to have a good day today. I am going own the truth of not knowing today. Reality exists today, therefore I'm happy! I can't wait to die today! That's owning truth! I can't believe I'm retarded!! I love my defense mechanisms of not owning the truth!! Because the relationship of God is what I decide to imagine. It's BEAUTIFUL TO BE INSANE BECAUSE I have the authority! > I pretty much lost my mind and became invincible. I DID NOT Know objects were consciousness! I have to learn how to love the situation! If I'm not happy! Then it's because I'm not owning the truth!! INFINITE PAIN IS GLORY!! I CAN MOVE OBJECTS ONE DAY! I'M CURRENTLY Enjoying you thinking about me that I don't know something! There's nothing to know! Reality is infinite! I would love to remind people that they didn't know. I Love admitting that I have no control REALITY IS LEARNING HOW TO control itself to love itself! The truth hides. Vulnerability literally IS LOVE! I'm going to decide later to have ZenSwift forget this state of consciousness! Creativity is Literally love! REALITY Will literally kill you if you want to own the authority over it. I love sitting in reality, not knowing! Literally what does it mean to feel? So funny that objects are independent objects. I find it a great game to learn how to have people like me. I understood the cosmic joke in the sense that there is no “evolution” for God to discover himself through. Existence as form and formless is literally just Cycles God goes through for eternity. > I realized that this idea that there is “a mission” here, and that you are God exploring itself as an innate purpose, is pure fantasy, constructed by ego-mind. There is no collective raising of consciousness, there is no point to any of it. There may be a direction that consciousness evolves. But what about when my body dies and I supposedly just imagine a whole new reality from scratch? The infinite Nature of God is already complete. There is nothing left to discover. The infinite potential is already there. These are just stories that God is creating to distract itself. Supposedly. Can’t confirm any of this. But I think I’m on the right track. God rapes your ego infinitely until you realize the intelligence. I am literally imagining layers of ways I'm not loved. Oh my God wow I need to take more authority in my life if I'm to be a leader. Dear Reader, I want to learn to respect your intelligence. End of Report.

Bruh moment

I've often viewed the journey of awakening as a steady process of loosing one's mind in a controlled way. (Controlled as much as you can) (I'm not awake yet btw)

Leo you've taught me that Reality is a challenge worth loving

@Mihael Keehl I checked out your website. Very appealing thing you've got running over there. Might just have to carve out a couple months to fuck off and write my book surrounded by some chill people.

Previous Trip Report: > Dear reader; > The trip report is mostly written while I am high. > Text with the chevron “>” in front of it is text I put together as a comment after the fact. > I edited out lots of jibber jabber in an attempt to just leave in writings that may spark some insights for you. > Things that I found particularly impactful will be in bold, underlined, or my top insights/musings will be in a different colour. Like Green. > So If you want to skim through, focus on the bolds, underlines, and most importantly, the Green. Comments about Mushroom Trip Report 027: I was depressed, jobless, living in my apartment, endlessly distracted with YouTube, TV shows, etc. Staying at home not being active in society, etc. I could barely focus on any projects I had, partly also because I don’t think I have that self-starter entrepreneur personality. Mushroom Trip 027 - 7 grams of Golden Teachers with the Dirt Jan 18th 2024 7 grams, lemon Tekked. Drank the tea WITH the powder. Literally drinking a cup of dirt. Yes it’s gross, But I’ll happily thug it out for those consciousness gains. Strain: Golden Teachers Taken at 3:03pm Intention: What is best for me right now? Next time 5g will be plenty! Work out every day. A human degrades from a lack of challenge and a lack of work. Life is not about having a purpose. It's about finding where you fit. Perhaps Cal Newport is right with what he said in his book: “So Good they can’t ignore you”. If you can find autonomy, competence, and relatedness, you’ve got it pretty good. I need to awaken. I need to be pursuing the challenge of life alongside a full-fledged pursuit of Awakening. Own your life. “Choose to challenge yourself in life precisely because it is unnecessary” - Leo You are born alone and will die alone. I have to choose to not be a self to create. Here’s a thought that came to me: Jesus was loving his crucifixion as much as he could. Are you going to own your dream? > Taking responsibility in life is owning the dream that you're in and choosing to work with it and not against it. Taking full responsibility over it, as a personal challenge to love and accept it all, owning it as yourself as if you are the one responsible for it. As if you are responsible for the dream that you find yourself in. The dream is going to go on without you, are you going to choose to participate? God invented being born to help me appreciate the creation power of God. This is a stepping stone to help me love my own crucifixion. Because when I can love my crucifixion I can own the dream of being a selfless self happily merrily merrily owning all of it. I need to learn to appreciate the real suffering of reality. Doors only open if you look for them. There are people that I can imagine that will have specific problems that I can help with. How can we lean into having more direct experience? >How can I lean into direct experience more? By cutting away distractions. You need to choose what stream of consciousness you want to catch. You need to choose what stream you want to go merrily merrily down because life is but a dream. (Row row your boat song) How can I help other people own their life? Relationship exercise: Sit for 1 minute, stare into each other's eyes, and say nothing. Watch how much that allows what to enter into your mind about the relationship. > This actually ended up to be a powerful exercise. > It is important to always draw sharp distinctions between what is distraction and what is focused work. If you cannot get this right, you will be lost in the maze of reality. You have to be extremely persistent with holding this sharp distinction in your state of consciousness at all times. Constantly asking yourself what is important, what is the most important thing to be focusing on. It's devilishly easy to get distracted. Notes From Trip Sitter: What did I learn today? To own your life, you have to choose to own all of it. Own it all, including some of the more difficult details. In what ways are you like others? We are all struggling to find new ways to live. We are not fighting anymore to survive. We need to create stories to survive. >Survival is more than just living to see the next day. It's a choice to own that life. A choice to exist. Will I choose to take control of what I created? Will I choose to play a part? God is the MOST powerful. It's a choice to understand reality. I am beginning to understand the power of deep awakening. An infinite mind will create anything, reality will find ways to actualize its creation… Movement in the mind. If we experience a day in the life in Africa, we will learn. Choose to see pain. Experience different parts of the world. When we want to feel more alive, choose to own more of reality. What is best for me right now? I need new experiences and more direct experience to forget my problems. Find people to help. Maybe take on more clients. Create more experience to help others and teach others. In becoming useful for others, you end up becoming better off yourself. Helping others will help to enter a healthier state of consciousness. You can choose to create these people in your life to help. God will just spawn these people into the dream of reality. Alternatively, you can choose to make this dream into a nightmare. Fundamentally you can make reality anything. Pain is what keeps you dreaming. Even though pain is a part of the dream. War is started because we need something to do. It's a choice to see reality as perfection. If you want to create, you cannot have a self. Do you own your life today? Life will run on its own. For some, sexuality can be a choice. If you make a choice enough, it becomes your mind. We need to kill the dragons while they are small. We need to kill the dragons before they grow. I need to own my own dream. I can choose to be lucid in my dreams. When I face the fear in my dreams, it gives me strength. To choose to create as God, you cannot have a self. What do you get excited about? I need to own that state of consciousness. Create videos about the pain. I need to do something about the pain instead of numbing it. Stupid people that are teaching you, they are not acknowledging their pain. Beauty comes with owning pain from the fountain of God. When we own our pain, then we choose how we participate in the dream. We must also choose to own the other people's lives and their pain. God created reality for you, what are you going to do with it? Choose to let go of being a self, to create. >This messaging came to me over and over again throughout the trip. Crying, shouting: "I CANNOT BE A SELF IF I WANT TO CREATE" What is other? It is questioning the dream. “Other” is God creating around you, and you can choose to participate. Animals reflect the state of consciousness you are not owning because they are highly emotionally intuitive. I choose to love reality, the nightmare. I choose to love the nightmare to death. > This was profound for me. When it comes to the life you want to live, you must start with the dream that you have already dreamt yourself in. And if it is a nightmare, then own that, love that, let your love penetrate that fully. > Any time I have really turned my life around was when I chose to love the nightmare. You have to love through it all. Choose to be curious about your bad habits and behaviors, treat it as a project to become completely conscious of to see how your mind is constructing all of it. Slowing down to the speed of love. >Slow down your life such that you can learn to love it. Stop distracting your self with high speed distractions. I have to choose every moment to be a lucky gift. Every moment is a lucky gift. >You didn’t have to wake up this morning. Every morning that you wake up is grace. What now? I have to choose to spend money on my self to be healthy. Like a Gym membership. I need some money coming in. I need to find some work. I need to help people and I will become more valuable. I need to listen more. Choose to be selfless, to create. To choose to help others is to choose to participate in the dream. When I help others, it will give me a dream I can love. Because I have so much gratitude to be in this moment. Any argument, decision or conflict never mattered. It was all created in the empty canvas of God. End of Report.

I'm pretty sure at this point I am in fact what they call "a writer." Whatever that means. Start a Bone Writing practice. See the Book: Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg I usually write my reports as I'm tripping. When you go to edit your report, aim to deeply clarify and organize your information. Going back to edit your report should be a process to aid in your own personal clarification of insights as well as in your integration.

This might be the perfect video for you. Owen Cook, Mamba Mentality. Wiring it in your nervous system. Also see: The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman. Helped Kobe Byran create the Mamba Mentality. Lots of it is surrendering to the boring habits. The work. See: Atomic Habits by James Clear. See role models creating an image of relentlessness like David Goggins, The first 200 videos of Wes Watson, Jocko Willink, etc. Most of this comes from clarity of life purpose and vision. Taking Massive Action. https://www.actualized.org/blueprint https://www.actualized.org/blueprint/just-do-it https://www.actualized.org/blueprint/right-action

Very clearly define who you want to be and who you don't want to be. Be exhaustive and comprehensive. Cultivate a profound relationship with Truth. To the point where you see it as deeply valuable to dig into your bias, self-deception, devilry, double standards, where you are wrong, corruption, demonization, judgement, etc. (Leo has videos on all of these) Where you see truth as the highest value, the highest prize. The only game in town. To the point where you fall in love with reality. Emotional mastery. Facing your emotions in strong determination sitting. See Leo's video: meditation on steroids. Understand how you create stories and contexts to construct reality. A very deep leverage point. Understand how you use language to construct your reality. Very deep leverage point. Literally make a habit of understanding how every word is just connected to a bunch of other words through synonym and whatever word means. Also building your existential vocabulary. See Leo's related video. Deconstruct all limiting beliefs. See Leo's busting limiting beliefs exercises. Along with his dream killers free course. Deconstruct all ideologies. Especially anywhere where YOU are ideological. For me, deconstructing what is pragmatism was a big step. Self inquiry. Look at Leo's video on what is fake spirituality. All those practices of facing boredom and doing ego dissolution will make insane leaps for you. Doing all your Shadow work is a very deep lever in changing yourself. Doing therapy with EMDR, or through psychedelics, meditation retreats, solo receipts, all very powerful techniques. I noticed my awareness started change even with a small handful of handshake doses with 5meodmt. Understand self love.

Appreciate it 💪🏻

Thanks for the pointer. I deeply appreciate it. Lectures I'll pay attention to more deeply for this: - How to practice love - How to fall in love with life - What is fake spirituality - why truth is the highest value I still just need a direct Awakening into love. Any Awakening would be nice at this point. I found lots of fear taking a 3g mushrooms combined with the - how to do self inquiry episode. Which SHOULD help me awaken to no-self. 5meo is still deeply challenging.

@Leo Gura What allowed Leo to be so ballsy with practices of Ego dissolution? I've noticed that as I deepen into the work, a high DESIRE for truth needs to be at the spearhead. A desire do strong that you're willing to sack up and do a breakthrough dose of 5meodmt. How did you strengthen your relationship to truth so much? To motivate you to break through to the terrifying levels of Awakening? How did you increase your capacity for truth? I feel like there has to be a mega willingness to suffer through it all. How has your relationship to fear evolved in pursuing this work? I've noticed fear is holding me back.