ZenSwift

Thankyou for sharing this Leo.

Invest in desensitizing and reprocessing all trauma. Invest in your relationship to truth. Investing your ability to contemplate. Invest in daily practice of being funny. Invest in approaching new people all the time so you meet a few hundred new people per month at least. To create a really awesome life it looks like everyday being remarkably intentional and scheduled and focused. I like the idealized version of a monk but living in a modern world of survival. Distraction is going to be your biggest enemy. See Leo's episode on distraction. What's going to really actually motivate you to really focus and say no to absolutely everything that is not your highest priority is to deeply connect with the importance of it. See Leo's video: motivational speech Oct 2021 Get insanely fucking clear on what your goals are and what they are not. What your life purpose is. What your values are and how that actually looks like in practice of alignment. I have been motivated to write up a post discussing how you really get Leo's life purpose course working for you. Oftentimes I have found people's experience of the life purpose course to be lackluster because they lack the ability to implement and the ability to revisit and recontemplate how does all these new insights apply. I still consider myself an absolute noob with this stuff, so even just writing that post will help further Clarity for myself. My goals in my life: ⭐ Top 5 Goals in Life 1️⃣ Awakening to God - Love, Truth, Intelligence 2️⃣ Bestselling Self-help Author 3️⃣ World Class Motivational Speaker 4️⃣ World-renowned Life-Coach and Therapist 5️⃣ Master of Socialization - Building Connection - Charisma - Sales - etc. Sense of Humor included

Thankyou for sharing. Profound.

I appreciate this writing here. It is serving as a reminder of the power of visualization. Alongside the mindfuckey nature of reality that I can just spawn a planet into consciousness. @Lazarus93 Also, beautiful post altogether. You really captured what I understand at an intellectual level, and what I have become conscious of in peak moments ( in facets) across several of my trips.

Can confirm.

I will make myself vulnerable here and lay myself out bare, for your clarity, so I hope this doesn't go underappreciated. I have never DATED a ladyboy per se in a relationship sense, but from what I understand, you'll essentially be dating a man, with learned woman/selectivity power dynamics. If you know about the typical experience of game with women, it can feel like trying to chase a fly in your room to go into a wine bottle in your hand. So many games have to be played to make it happen. Whereas game with a man as a cis woman can feel like shaking a bag of cat treats, only moments later, to see your cat RUNNING to you for a treat. In general, if a ladyboy is attracted to you, it's much harder to fuck it up as opposed to a woman being attracted to you. However... Anyone with an abundance of offers and sexual opportunities, will start being harder to attract as they are naturally going to become more choosy. This will be commonplace for any attractive looking female/feminine appearing individual. Some interesting things to understand about BIOLOGICAL differences... Read the book: The Essential Difference: Male and Female Brains and the Truth about Autism by Simon Baron-Cohen This will clearly lay out a picture for creating fundamental distinctions between individuals that are assigned male at birth and assigned female at birth. You will notice that systematizer brains (typically AMAB) and Empathizer brains (Typically AFAB) will think about reality differently at a fundamental level. Their interests will be different. AMAB will naturally prioritize logical truth over emotion, whereas AFAB will naturally bias themselves towards emotional truth over logical truth. The actual experience of reality relative to emotions are fundamentally dependent on what hormones you've got flowing in your system (such as testosterone and estrogen). So, just wanted to mention this. This is an interesting rabbit hole of distinctions to draw there. AMAB Males (Ladyboys included) flip like a switch for sex, talking about sex very explicitly is typically very appealing. AFAB Females need to be warmed up slowly like a knob, foreplay, emotional connection, sex is implied, but never explicitly talked about, etc. For AFAB females, it can be far slower to "warm them up" to sex, where Ladyboys will be ready to get into bed with you as quickly as a man. It is possible to skip the date, skip the foreplay, and just have them show up at your place to fuck. This is typically seen as an advantage to Ladyboys. (To clarify, I'm cis male.) Upon reflection of my personal direct experiences... I've had sex with men, women, and ladyboys. I had sex with men first because women felt inaccessible to me, shaped by years of introversion, shyness, and limited social development. Lamentably, I’ve never had sex with a woman in the context of a mutual, committed relationship. What I've learned from these experiences... What's most interesting is watching how easy or difficult it is for my body to be aroused. When I'm with a woman, it's the easiest to get aroused. If a girl squeezes my butt, I'm erect in 1 second. A ladyboy with a strong female presentation can arouse me in a similar way. When I'm on a date with a cis woman, if there's enough physical touch, hand holding, hugging, kissing, hands on hip, hands on their butt, I can get aroused to extreme blue-balling levels. To the point where I wish I ejaculated half way through some dates. When it comes to sexual encounters with men, the emotional connection is absent, and my sense of comfort is much lower, which significantly reduces my arousal. It becomes a purely stimulation-based activity. I discovered I'm not romantically attracted to men AT ALL. I'm not attracted to masculinity at all, even in women. I'm not attracted to masculine form at all. I’m not attracted to penises. They don’t arouse me. I’m aroused by feminine bodies, feminine butts, feminine hips and curves, feminine form, etc. Which is where Ladyboys exist on my playing field. I don’t enjoy giving oral sex to individuals with penises. I did it for their sake, for me it was a purely mechanical activity. Even though I didn’t enjoy it, I liked feeling useful or appreciated in that distorted way, but that feeling was fleeting. Although my initial aversion has decreased, I still don’t like it. Admitting to these activities feels tied to shame about my identity, and I feel ashamed when I think about other people knowing, as it represents the deeper theme of being unable to attract women. Upon reflection from these experiences, what I discovered is that what I really wanted was to feel appreciated. Being coerced many times as a ~10 year old boy to do sexual acts with other boys has definitely left an imprint on me. (Boys at around age 8-12 years old are vulnerable to sexual fetish imprinting. Have a girl sit on your face as a kid; Congratulations: you now have a face-sitting fetish. Was the girl Asain? Now you've got an Asain face-sitting fetish.) Additionally, a HEAVY pornography addiction later on in my teens led to exploration of 2D pornography art of traps, ladyboys and such; strengthening neutral circuits to diminish strong aversion towards penises. Imagine how some male doctors just inspect hundreds of males' genitalia. You'll eventually just be indifferent to it. To whatever degree, I've got my brain rewired towards finding the whole premise of a trap highly sexually arousing. For me, the wiring is purely sexual circuitry. When I oragasm, the circuits shut off. So when I oragasm with a ladyboy, I have ZERO interest in the Ladyboy or even experience aversion post-orgasm. When I oragasm with a man, it's a mind fuck how quickly it turns from sexual gratification to disgust and regret. In terms of getting to the truth of the matter... So when you talk about whether or not you're gay or straight, these labels start to not accurately represent the picture. To call me gay, or even bisexual doesn't paint the picture properly. There is so much additional, culturally projected meaning on the labels of 'straight', 'gay', 'bisexual' from our social Matrix that leads to an oversimplification; leaving individuals like me feeling outside the bounds of current socially understood definitions. To call myself gay, or bisexual would be grossly inaccurate. 99.9% of the time I'll tell people that I'm straight, if it makes sense and seems appropriate for social likability, (such as being in an LGBT environment), I'll just tell people I'm Pan. In my current state of mind, 'straight' feels most accurate. Male homosexuality is defined as sexual or romantic attraction to men; I don't experience either. My sexual attraction is oriented toward femininity, not maleness. My romantic attraction is towards cis females. So definitions of homosexuality start to lose precision here. At most I am pansexual with exclusive attraction to feminine forms and romantically straight. Unless you experience reality in this way for yourself, it can be hard for an individual to REALLY understand this level of distinction, and why one may feel this level of distinction to be necessary. Let me know your thoughts.

Leo I want you to know that I'm one of the insane individuals that actually deeply appreciates your content so much that I want to 100% actualize.org like I'm collecting all the hidden flags of assassins creed brotherhood. I actually wanted to make a post asking what to prioritize and also how to realistically create time for it all.

@integral My mother worked in Hospice. What's most important is just having those end of life conversations. Making sure you make peace with whatever while the opportunity still exists.

ZenSwift liked this decision.

To clarify, it's book 3 under Meditation & Yoga Techniques section? Just bought it now.

All this mentioning of pranayama, and I'm still in the dark around exactly what the practice entails.

I've got a crash-out letter I wrote a few weeks ago that I want to clean up and post here.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-341 Hey Leo, I've been having a desire to cultivate a Kriya practice. Especially since you have preached a bit about it being a powerful practice. I've been neglecting the discipline of learning the techniques, believing in it, and then doing the practices religiously. It's been tougher to hook my mind with it especially since it's more of a long term investment thing. My initial thought is to contemplate this further and deeply connect it with my values, and then just bite the bullet and do an experiment of practicing consistently for 6 months to a year and see my results, which is easier said than done. Do you have any other suggestions for really building a practice? More specifically, getting my mind to see the value of it such that the commitment to it becomes obvious?

It's hard for me to say I regret certain things, because I simply wasn't conscious of it, at the time. How could I blame myself? I needed to suffer to finally get the insight. I was given all the ignorance, patterns, coping mechanisms and trauma that I've been given. This is my plate of vegetables to eat. The only thing I can control is how I act in the present. Here are a list of things I WOULD mentor my younger self on if I could travel back in time and become a father for myself that I never had... and a role model for myself that I needed. Letter to myself: I wish you had the awareness to eat healthier. I wish you had the concept of boundaries to be able to say no to people treating you disrespectfully. I wish you felt like you could set boundaries with every bully you encountered. I wish you worked out every day and developed a healthy relationship with exercise far earlier. Working out every day to get the body moving and do heavy strength training a couple times a week. I wish you had the mission within yourself to see the value of developing your socialization confidence to the point of being able to speak to absolutely anyone. I wish you made socializing with new people a manditory habit. I wish you didn't play so many videogames, watch so much porn, and watch so much TV. I wish you picked up a reading and writing habit day 1. I wish you stayed reading self help, philosophy, metaphysics and epistemology day 1. I wish you let go of the need for your mother, father or friends to be a certain a way of to understand you. I wish you let go of the need to be understood by anyone, day 1. I wish you spoke your truth when it felt right to do so. I wish you went to bed on time for years. I wish you solved your anxiety around going to bed. I wish you got EMDR on yourself sooner. I wish you had life coaches and therapists with with you on a weekly basis. I wish you had the confidence to tell women you liked how you really felt. I wish you were honest about being attracted to the women you were attracted to. Rather than letting them fall away completely because you were too shy. I wish you had the courage to speak up when you were being wronged, even if it was emotionally unsafe, even if it threatened your job. On the principle of self respect. I wish you had a industrial reading habit.

Merry Christmas!