PepperBlossoms

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  1. Hmmm I would say it doesn't matter if you wait till second date or a year later - - either the relationship will work out and last or it won't. So in that case - no need to wait super long. I would say 2nd or 3rd time you hang out or whatever you feel comfortable with. Congrats on finding someone. The trick is that both people have to want to make the relationship work in the long run. Which at the beginning, it may not be about that. You don't know whether it is going to work and even if you've been together for years, it is still not guaranteed to work.
  2. Questioning things without much practice or skill can get one in trouble such as poor logic used, using a limited lens, not being holistic, not considering epistemology of info/events/assumptions, not aware of all the things one could be aware of, improper assumptions/blame/story, not aware of one's own (and others) meaning-making, etc. Some skills that I learned via failure: -Try to see as many perspectives as possible: How do I see the situation? How do I think that person A, person B, and person C sees the situation? How does Person A think person B/C/me sees it? How does person B think person A/C/me sees it? How does person C think that person A/B/me sees it? -Notice when blame is getting put on one person. Now look at it as if others are "at fault". Person A is at fault - what does that look like? Now person B. Now person C. Now me. Then notice that it isn't any one person's fault and that it is all part of a system/environment. What are the skills/values/knowledge of each person? How is the environment, social norms, assumptions impacting everything? -Notice that the info you have impacts what you see. Notice that when you get a new idea/info, the situation's meaning completely changes. And then more and more info and then more change. Notice that you will never have all the info, all the perspectives, and the whatever. Notice that whatever you happen to focus on is what context you are using. -Notice that it is all a story we are making up and telling ourselves and we may tend to look for stuff to reinforce the story. -Notice what the ego is trying to do. Is it trying to prove it is right, prove a point, get away with something, make someone look bad, not accept responsibility, etc. -One's health and past events can impact how they judge current events -We are making up meaning for everything
  3. I guess one concern with the more, more, more attitude is that we keep on building more stuff, larger cities. The beauty of the landscape is getting hidden - more and more cities are turning into Los Angeles style cities - roads and buildings everywhere over the whole thing. The development isn't stopping either - more and more. The dollar is prioritized over beauty. Yes I see that working all of one's life is the equivalent of animals hunting for food their whole life. I just feel like we are uglifying the earth in exchange for our own survival, leaving it uglier than it was when we started. In some cases, it is less ugly - more medical treatment, education, transportation, water, food, homes, etc. In other cases, more ugly - pollution, pesticides, bombs, war, etc.
  4. More, more, more. Get more experience, more money, more insights. Work more hours, more years. Get more clothes, more food. Read more books, play more games, travel to more places, talk to more people. We are all competing for the same money, the same jobs. Those who have enough still have the same more mindset as those who don't. The more doesn't turn off even when people have enough. More, more, more. Then you die.
  5. I was thinking about that too - that maybe the character that we are all playing is a character we are trying out to see if we can feel good or better - and yeah one of the main things we want is to feel good. If we have had a bad experience with interacting with a character type, we may then think poorly of it when we see others use it as we may then imagine ourselves feeling bad again around it instead of considering that everyone is just trying to feel good and it may take several different character rotations/trials to find what works best - - so the character everyone has right now is their current trial character but they may find something that works better later and change. Agree on trying to be loving to all character types and maybe try to look past the character and see what else is there. Well said. I used to really look up to and admire feminine men as being funny as the ones I grew up with would make lots of jokes and the masculine women as being tough and cool. I guess recently I had felt more insecure around them and unsure of how to take on the interaction other than just trying to be nice. I guess it would just take more of just trying to get to know them better and again try to push past the outward personality and any traits I am assuming and try to see what is really there and not what is assumed to be there. Also just acknowledging that not everyone clicks and everyone is at their own stage of development of what they gravitate towards/need/value/take interest in and we may be a decent fit or we may not or it may be various levels of closeness that vary for each person combination. In some cases, it is not always me that is trying to stay away but them staying away from me. I think that I have tended to look down on people for not fitting my ideas but I need to work on that and be more accommodating and see what I can do to make it work better for both parties. Thanks. -- I guess an additional thing to note is a value system/purpose will also impact how people are and when the value system/purpose's clash - it can cause conflict - - and so making it so that one's value system allows for a harmonious interaction with all types of other value systems/purposes (within some limitation)
  6. It is not a full on hate but I think I struggle with anything that has some sort of combination of ego/confidence/positivity. Maybe because it is the most threatening to my survival - has the most potential to outperform/challenge/beat me/triumph over in the food chain/etc. but also it is as such that I feel insecure/inadequate around. My dad really liked to criticize and be strict and so were the teachers at school - so much of "do it like this" and not enough of exploring different ways to do things/think about things. It just wanted to so much of being like it and the pressure to conform and perform. And you see that you can't always conform/perform. It wasn't speculative enough of itself though; it didn't question things enough and wasn't open-minded enough; it wasn't self aware enough; it was too rigid and not flexible enough for the dealing with the rainbow of life's events
  7. I guess I would see my dad play the overly positive character to his friends and play as the overly serious dad to us and I found it odd how quickly he would turn personalities on and off. My mom would also play the overly positive character to all of her friends and yet there was no desire to have any deep conversations. Everything is superficial and about sports, weather, gossip, etc. I see how much the overly positive personality type talks bad about others behind their backs despite putting on the face of being overly positive - so it is lying. It is false advertisement. It is nice to your face and betrays you behind your back.
  8. An example of a conflict with the overly positive personality type is that it has such a bias for positivity that it views anything that is not that as a problem and it tries to convert everyone over to its cult of excessive positivity. The cult's solution to everything is, "be positive" rather than taking a serious deep systems look at things. It tries to entice its peers to join the club. If you show you aren't interested or won't adhere, you get overlooked and may also get a label attached to you. Kinda like how a religious person tries to get people to join its religion. I guess you just have to be you and people either like that or they don't.
  9. Thanks @Preety_India @SamC @gettoefl I guess sometimes it is a disgust for some personalities, sometimes it is just a notice of how the person is being and how/if our personalities are clashing. There is a struggle of - okay how do I interact with this person, this personality? How do I make the interaction harmonious? How do I understand what will make it harmonious? Maybe it is just something where I will just learn with experience of being around the different types more. There may be the desire to make little tweaks to myself to accommodate each personality type: Being around the studious/curious - I pull that out and am okay with that one as that is the one I like to take on. The upbeat/overly positive - I sometimes try to copy it. Or maybe I don't and I bring out the curious/questioning and it may bring the mood down some as anything that is not overly upbeat/positive is in a negative/neutral direction. I may appreciate that it is trying to make everyone feel good but yet it is overlooking more depth of thought. The playful/comic - I may try to be playful too depending on if I can match that or if they are wayyy to playful that I can't match it and I just get quiet. The arrogant/frat/sorority/flirty/drama/super serious/super masculine or super feminine/super know it all/prep/fitness buff/super confident - I just try to limit my interaction with them as I feel I do not fit in, am not worthy, don't want to go there, it is too much, don't want to be like that, etc. Some personalities do more to accommodate the other person and others don't. Some personalities may be a better fit for the workplace, friendships, communication, etc. than others. I used to play the super feminine, super flirty, arrogant, upbeat, serious ones that I dislike and would tell myself that I couldn't keep those going as they weren't me. Yes good point on just trying to work through all of the different interaction types and see why I am having some distaste/struggle. It can be hard to not see a personality and then judge the person because of the personality and your history of how the interactions with people of that personality have gone in the past and then question if they are judging you because maybe they have had a similar experience of interacting with people of your personality in their past too.
  10. I have noticed that I have trouble with almost every personality. I am questioning the authenticity of personalities and if most are fake/copied off of someone else and if the most authentic personality is something that isn't copying anything else- something that isn't trying to be anything, replicate anything, push anything, be anything. Everyone has to have some sort of personality regardless as you still have eyes, a face, a voice, a walk, clothing, etc. Here are some that may be replications as an example: arrogant/egoic, girly, bitchy, strict, quiet, victim, frat, sorority, drama queen, feminine, masculine, nerd, flirty, sexual, upbeat, comic, confident, etc. It could be that a personality may be a person's safe haven of where they feel comfortable, of how they want to portray themselves, of what they are used to/familiar with. I do not understand or know how to deal with these and so I find it easier to just try to be nice to all personalities and try to pretend the personality isn't there? I am thinking that to "drop the act", drop the personality - is more like where you can see - yes this is this person, not that other thing. It could be enticing to copy the personality of the person you are with or to use certain ones for certain occasions - but that may be inauthentic because as soon as you leave, you stop being that. Ever notice how the sorority/frats all have the same one? Or there is the typical newscaster one? Or politician? Or police? Or Karen? The easiest one for me is the neutral one.
  11. I'm curious to see what careers other actualizers have/had. You can add yours below if you like. Mine has been Civil Engineering so far but I'm open to other careers.
  12. How to be okay with getting old, losing memory, losing functionality, losing money, losing family, losing self, losing home, etc.? We do all this stuff when we are young but yet the clock is always ticking and that old age is going to come whether we like it or not. Or we die sooner as tomorrow is not guaranteed. Yes in the absolute sense, nothing is lost or owned but rather changed and tomorrow is imaginary. But in the relative sense, the body and experience tend to deteriorate.
  13. I just imagine that in a trillion trillion years, it really doesn't matter what decision I make today - yeah now can impact the future but so can the future impact the future.
  14. Thanks for the comment. I will try to improve my concentration.
  15. Does anyone else have the problem where someone says something and you hear it but you don't respond or do any sort of action to acknowledge that the other person said something? I have had this problem since I was a kid and I keep on having times where I am not reacting to others. If you had this problem, what worked for you to solve it? Yes being able to shift focus and drop whatever I am currently focusing on to focus on the other person and choosing that hey this person wants to be responded to, I need to respond, listen up me, snap out of the whatever and respond!